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Epic Failure Game

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Sep 12th 2018 at 8:07:16 PM

You're explaining it to Technologically Blind Elders, so Pop-Cultural Osmosis Failure ensues. They lose patience with you and beat you with their canes until you get off their lawns.

I attempt a diplomatic negotiation with a mermaid. (Bonus points if me being a lady is somehow relevant in some way to my failure.)

QuantumMelody29 Fear my SOOPER SHADOW POWAHZ!! from somewhere you will never find me. Relationship Status: Get out of here, STALKER
Fear my SOOPER SHADOW POWAHZ!!
Dec 10th 2018 at 11:03:45 AM

You have to do it in the ocean, your tank runs out of air and you drown. The merpeople are somewhat offended about you dying and decide to wage war on humanity, wiping both species out mostly. Among the remnants of the species females are now oppressed as the person who caused this tragedy in the first place was female.

I try signing up for an RP.

Idk what to put here right now :/
TroperNo9001 Adorable Abominable Snowman from Elsa's Ice Castle Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
Dec 10th 2018 at 8:16:18 PM

The GM bans you for putting a one-line description of your character.

I try to make a website.

"Ah... Alone at last."
Dec 10th 2018 at 8:30:17 PM

Your HTML code is so buggy, the resulting Mind Screw visuals get the SCP Foundation's attention. They confiscate your code and give you amnestics.

I try to unbend a paperclip.

Jaxfirebus Going to die from On the bus Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Going to die
Dec 11th 2018 at 8:22:44 AM

The paper clip snaps in two... at the atomic level.

I attempt to play Pokemon Mystery Dungeon.

Crap... why'd i let HIM drive?!
Playing_with_boy Working on a thing. from pg. 666 Relationship Status: Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Working on a thing.
Dec 13th 2018 at 3:18:31 PM

The thing which has the game explodes.

I dab on a mountain.

   Totally not suitable for the tweens and kiddos.   
QuantumMelody29 Fear my SOOPER SHADOW POWAHZ!! from somewhere you will never find me. Relationship Status: Get out of here, STALKER
Fear my SOOPER SHADOW POWAHZ!!
Dec 14th 2018 at 4:39:46 AM

This causes a chain of events that leads to you dying in an avalanche.

I have a picnic in the park.

Idk what to put here right now :/
medievalParadox just some guy with no clue why he does things from any device that can get onto the internet Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
just some guy with no clue why he does things
Dec 14th 2018 at 4:51:38 AM

Yogi Bear steals your food.

I try to become Spider-Man

References,randomness,silence, and watchful, i can at least be three of these things when the time calls for it. other times i'm just weird.
Jaxfirebus Going to die from On the bus Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Going to die
Dec 14th 2018 at 10:28:10 AM

"How do i shot web" you ask as you plummet to your death.

I attempt to s***post.

Crap... why'd i let HIM drive?!
Playing_with_boy Working on a thing. from pg. 666 Relationship Status: Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Working on a thing.
Dec 15th 2018 at 4:17:28 PM

The mods delete your posts. ALL OF THEM.

I explode.

   Totally not suitable for the tweens and kiddos.   
Jaxfirebus Going to die from On the bus Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Going to die
Dec 15th 2018 at 10:19:01 PM

Nope, you IMPLODE instead.

I attempt to sandwich post.

Crap... why'd i let HIM drive?!
VengefulBale More Metalucy fluff. from Mexico Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
More Metalucy fluff.
Dec 15th 2018 at 10:19:46 PM

You end disrupting the flow so badly the mods insta-ban you

I decide to retire some money from my credit card

The edgy borb gets a hug.
Playing_with_boy Working on a thing. from pg. 666 Relationship Status: Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Working on a thing.
Feb 3rd 2019 at 2:22:45 PM

You step on a piece of gum while trying to return the wig. You realize that having gum on your shoe is bad, so you go home to put on some shoes without gum on them, but all the shoes without gum on them are in the wash, so you decide to go barefoot, but, later on your journey, you step on a thumbtack. You yell in pain, and hop off the sidewalk. Into the path of a moving bus. And you forgot the wig at your house.

I run to the other side of the street to avoid getting hit by a moving bus.

   Totally not suitable for the tweens and kiddos.   
CenturyEye Tell Me, Have You Seen the Yellow Sign? from I don't know where the Yith sent me this time... Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Tell Me, Have You Seen the Yellow Sign?
Feb 6th 2019 at 7:08:56 AM

You fall into an open sewer line straight into the mouth of the only sewer alligator in existence. The bus lurches to a stop well before it gets to where you were anyway. There was a BIG sign there that said BUS STOP in flashing lights.

I try to make coffee.

Edited by CenturyEye on Feb 6th 2019 at 10:23:21 AM

Look with century eyes... With our backs to the arch And the wreck of our kind We will stare straight ahead For the rest of our lives
Feb 6th 2019 at 8:29:02 AM

You fall asleep before you can put the coffee pot under the percolator. Each drip of coffee falls onto the hot plate and leaves a buildup of burnt residue. Congratulations, you have a burnt-coffee stalagmite.

I try to train my Cute, but Cacophonic dog to stop barking on command.

unfortunatezorua Deserved more screentime from Nothing is true, everything is permitted Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Deserved more screentime
Feb 8th 2019 at 2:32:23 AM

The dog bites your hand off when you try to command it.

I try to sit on a chair.

hey guys, zorua here and welcome to my despacito spaghett ugandan chungus
TroperNo9001 Adorable Abominable Snowman from Elsa's Ice Castle Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
Feb 8th 2019 at 3:07:19 AM

You break it and fall on the floor... and then you make a big hole in it and fall through.

I try to compose a song.

"Ah... Alone at last."
Jaxfirebus Going to die from On the bus Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Going to die
Feb 8th 2019 at 8:07:30 AM

You write "On Mount Golgotha" ... or at least a part of it.

I make a wish to a Benevolent Genie.

Crap... why'd i let HIM drive?!
unfortunatezorua Deserved more screentime from Nothing is true, everything is permitted Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Deserved more screentime
Feb 8th 2019 at 8:10:43 AM

But he lied—he's actually an evil genie...and he's just corrupted your wish in the worst way imaginable.

I try to stare at a wall.

hey guys, zorua here and welcome to my despacito spaghett ugandan chungus
Feb 8th 2019 at 8:20:51 AM

You're in the Labyrinththe wall stares back and then Jareth shows up to distract you.

I try to bake cupcakes.

CenturyEye Tell Me, Have You Seen the Yellow Sign? from I don't know where the Yith sent me this time... Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Tell Me, Have You Seen the Yellow Sign?
Feb 8th 2019 at 9:47:44 AM

You turn the dial and it breaks. Then the oven door falls open and off. Then your apartment goes up in a blazing inferno. And the cupcakes are still batter in the cooking sheet... which landed at an angle so all the cupcake batter slowly leaks out.

I try to change a tire.

Look with century eyes... With our backs to the arch And the wreck of our kind We will stare straight ahead For the rest of our lives
QuantumMelody29 Fear my SOOPER SHADOW POWAHZ!! from somewhere you will never find me. Relationship Status: Get out of here, STALKER
Fear my SOOPER SHADOW POWAHZ!!
Feb 8th 2019 at 2:37:11 PM

It somehow explodes violently and some debris hit you with enough force to cause long term brain damage and a premature death.

I am browsing fanfic looking for mary sues.

Idk what to put here right now :/
unfortunatezorua Deserved more screentime from Nothing is true, everything is permitted Relationship Status: watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Deserved more screentime
Feb 8th 2019 at 6:07:00 PM

One of the said Mary Sues improbably climbs out of the screen and stabs you.

I try to watch paint dry.

hey guys, zorua here and welcome to my despacito spaghett ugandan chungus
Playing_with_boy Working on a thing. from pg. 666 Relationship Status: Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Working on a thing.
Feb 8th 2019 at 6:33:07 PM

A painter is painting above you, and his paint hits you on the head, and you die. Also, the paint just dried after you died.

I ride a bike.

   Totally not suitable for the tweens and kiddos.   

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