The Neverending Instruction Manual

How To Dress Stupid.

1. . Find an article about how to dress.

2. . Do the exact opposite of what they suggest.

3. . Add a stick of TNT.

How to Find an Article on How to Dress: Google it. If you don't have internet, then go to your nearest library, or just ask around. Fashion magazines or designers are your best bet.

How to be a fashion designer: Acquire an interest in the ins and outs of fashion. Be pretentious as hell and dress some random people you've never met before and make them walk in front of millions of people.

How to be a Fashion Model: Obtain a similar interest in fashion. Get plastic surgery to look as beautiful as possible. Land contract, strut on platform like you own everyone and show off.

How to Get Plastic Surgery: Are you sure you want to do this? Shouldn't you be happy with what you look like, despite your imperfections? Don't let those A-list celebrities and beauty ads influence you!

If you insist, though, make sure you have a lot of money for the procedure, and make sure you're well aware of the risks, because not every surgery goes well. But if it turns out well, congrats, I guess?

How to be Well-Aware of the Risks

1. . Research what you are going to do.

2. . Buy a notepad.

3. . Write down each of the risks. Works best if you're female.

How to write down the risks: First, research the risks of whatever you're wondering about, either by print or the Internet. Take out a blank piece of paper and a writing utensil, preferably a pen or a pencil. Write down the risks of whatever you're researching onto the paper. Tape it on the ceiling above your bed to remind yourself every night that the world is a scary place.

Not a ninja, it is actually related to the one above.

Edited by CustardAndPie on Dec 25th 2018 at 11:54:04 AM

How to remind yourself every night that the world is a scary place.

• Step 1: Watch news about wars, politics, and any kind of crisis.
• Step 2: Search for information about rare diseases, crime cases, wars and political debates.
• Step 3: Visit a Shock Site and have an adventure on the Dark Web.
• Step 4: Read some novels written by H. P. Lovecraft.
• P.S. If you can't sleep after following the guide, do not place the blame onto anyone else, it's your own fault.

Edited by Mhazard on Dec 26th 2018 at 10:21:02 PM

How to Watch the News: Turn on the TV and go to your preferred news channel, whether local or national. Be mindful of what they show, because things can get a little too political. Alternatively, don't, because no news is good news.

How to Find a News Channel.

1. We shall be assuming that you have TV service. If you don't, turn to page 47.

2. Check with your TV service provider if you have the news. If you do, follow Step 3.

3. Flip the stations until you find it.

4. Get some popcorn.

How to get popcorn: Put a bag of popcorn in the microwave for the correct time. Take out bag and open it away from your face. Pour into bowl and add seasonings if you wish. Eat while sitting back and laughing at idiots.

How to add seasonings:

1) Venture yonder north toward the frozen wastes to carve out the essence of winter.

2) Traverse the wild wetlands of the south for the essence of summer lay hidden within.

3) Cross the western steppes and obtain the essence of spring.

4) Beneath the fallen leaves of the eastern forest is the essence of autumn.

5) Toss them all into a hollander.

6) Dump the remains over whatever needs dumping over.

How to traverse the wild wetlands of the South: If you are born in the swampy part of Louisiana, you can skip this section. If you live in Texas, go east. If you live in Zanzibar, take an airplane. If you live on the moon, hire a passing astronaut to take you to Earth.

How to Go East: Take out your compass (or open your phone's compass app) and move until it points due East, then follow it. If you don't have one, observe the sun. If it's rising, go in that direction, and if it's setting, go the opposite way. If it's at its azimuth, wait until it goes down a bit, though you might need some sunscreen if you plan to stay outside.

How to Take Out a Compass:

1. Find a Compass.

2. Take it out of your pocket.

3. Use it!

How to remove an object from your pocket:

1. Insert your hand in your pocket.

2: Grasp the object.

3: Remove your hand from the pocket.

How to Insert Your Hand in Your Pocket: First, find a pocket. It could be on the front of your shirt or pants, or event at the back of your pants. Then, put your hand inside, making sure it fits snugly. If your clothes come with fake pockets, prepare for disappointment.

How to Prepare for Disappointment: First, think of an unpleasant activity. Second, imagine the consequences. Third, drink a lot of alcohol.

How to Drink:

1) Find liquid of choosing.

2) Insert liquid into mouth.

3) When ready, tilt head upward to force liquid to flow into esophagus.

Caution: There are two holes at back of mouth. Take care to not allow liquid into the frontal hole.

How to Find Liquid of Choosing.

1. Enter a bar.

2. Order a drink, anything but milk, you dirty filthy milk drinker.

3. Get drunk like a real Nord.

4. Rinse and repeat, until you find the liquid you want.

Don't drive when you are drunk, or you will get dunked on in a dark corner.

How to get dunked on in a dark corner

WARNING: This might be dangerous. Don't say we didn't warn you. But if you really want this... First, find a dark corner of your choice, preferably one in an untrustworthy area. Then, wait here until you get attacked. For extra effectiveness, do not fight back or do anything else to resist said attack.

Edited by Zanreo on Dec 30th 2018 at 8:32:30 PM

How Not to Fight Back: find out the best way to use the ACT commands until your opponent's name is yellow, then SPARE them. This depends on the attacker, but not all of them are willing to be spared, so wait it out, dodge the bullets, and heal yourself until the fight ends. Unless it's Asgore.

If you're fighting Sans, it's best to follow the above instruction, unless you're willing to permanently destroy your copy of Undertale by releasing the Fallen Child.

How to Dodge the Bullets:

1. Take the red pill, go Down the Rabbit Hole.
2. Download various skills and arsenals. These can include, but are not limited to...
   • Kung Fu.
   • More Dakka.
   • Improved acrobatics.
   • Ability to stop bullets. (WARNING, DOES NOT WORK UNLESS YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE)
3. Get in a fight with Mr. Smith, where guns get pulled out eventually.
4. Coax Mr. Smith to fire.
5. Duck backwards. Time may seem to slow down, but do not be fooled.
6. Wait for bullets to pass overhead.
7. Get back up! You've got a fight to win!

How to win a fight.

1. Have the upper hand in a fight.

2. Actually use said advantage effectively.

3. ???

4. PROFIT.

How to Have the Upper Hand in a Fight:

1. Consider the weakness which belong to the person you are fighting against.

2. Use them.

3. ???

4. You have won the fight, and got some PROFIT.