Fix a wish!

Granted, instead the Seasonal Rot of Family Guy and The Simpsons never happens.

I wish to be blasted in UV rays.

edited 18th Jul '17 8:04:25 AM by The_Dag

Granted, but UV stands for Ultra Vacuum, and now you're super clean!

I wish for a nail in my lungs.

Granted, you cough it up without lasting injuries.

I wish all my lamps would break.

Granted, but you insurance replaced them with even better lamps!

I wish all water on earth was turned into Expired Cherry Flavored Medicine.

All water turns into Expired Cherry Flavored Medicine for 0.000000000000001 seconds and no lasting damage is done. All Expired Cherry Flavored Medicine disappears from its bottles, and the bottles teleport to the nearest recycle bin.

I wish for a plague of Ultra Beasts.

Granted, they are tamed and became mankind's best friends.

I wish to owe a billion dollar debt to the most ruthless mafia loan shark ever.

Granted! you took the loan as part of a sting, as soon as you take the loan the police arrest him and bring down his whole operation!, as a reward they erase the debt and allow you to keep the money.

I wish I was the greatest (and most powerful) Sith Lord!

edited 24th Jul '17 1:48:19 PM by vjoi

Granted, you have an epic Heel–Face Turn.

I wish I had one eye.

Granted, it's a magical supernatural eye that can shoot lasers, see through walls, and look at the future!

I wish to not have toes.

Granted. You are now a centaur.

I wish all my bones broke and I was writhing on the floor in agony.

Granted, you are now a shapeshifting slime. The pain's only temporary!

I wish I was Born Unlucky.

Fortunately, your luck gradually (yet greatly) improves as you grow older. After years of hardship, you eventually die old, rich, and happy.

I wish to be kidnapped and tortured by a lunatic.

Granted, you become Too Kinky to Torture.

I wish the Bowling Green massarce had been real.

Granted, but as it turns out everyone who got killed in the massacre was planning to blow up the entire world.

I wish i had no head.

Granted! You simply have a phantom face making you immune to Boom, Headshot!. You'd have to eat food through your neck though, but you can still taste it nonetheless. However, a lot of people find this Creepy Awesome rather than Squick.

I wish to complete the Genocide/No Mercy Route in Undertale.

Granted. Except, when you sell your soul to continue the game, there is no ruined ending. As it turns out, Chara pities you and gives you a chance to go pacifist.

I wish that I would get dunked into flesh-melting acid.

edited 27th Aug '17 10:38:58 AM by TalesofUnder

Granted. It actually was green water that irritates skin a bit.

I wish I was in Conor Mc Gregor's place last night.

Granted, you manage to turn the tide of the battle and win in a TKO.

I wish I was being stalked by a serial killer.

granted Jason Voorhees has been stalking you . . . to kill Freedy Kruger, save you, and to give you back your wining lottery ticket!

I wish I was an unstoppable supervillain!

Granted. You end up making the world a better place, by mistake.

I wish a R-rated The Emoji Movie sequel was made

Granted. All the emojis are much more humanised, bordering on Cute Monster Girl levels, it has a better plot, and it's self aware, allowing for better comedy and such. It's basically Deadpool but in a smartphone.

I wish literally everyone in the entire galaxy was dead.

Granted, but their consciousnesses persist in perfect mechanical bodies, so they are effectively immortal.

I wish a Robot War started tomorrow evening.

Granted, but 10 minutes later the robots come to terms with what they're doing and negotiate peace once more.

I wish I had no toenails.

Granted, it doesn't hurt that much and you no longer have to clip them.

I wish to beat a dead horse.

Granted, but your beating restarted it's heart, bringing it back to life!

I wish for Vinesauce Joel to have all of the world's nukes.