Fix a wish!

Granted. But hte new wish ends up being enjoyable to the one who made the wish in the first place.

I wish Hitler came back to life and conquered Europe

Granted. Fortunately, an accident at the Famous Artist Revival Tent (Hitler went to art school, you know) switched his mind with that of Bob Ross. Now all Europeans are wearing Afros and painting happy little trees under a benevolent dictatorship, with the most laid-back dictator in history.

I wish to be captured by cannibalistic natives.

Said cannibalistic natives believe you're the incarnation of their god, and subsequently place you as their leader.

I wish the Nazis were the ones from Wolfenstein: The New Order, complete with world domination.

Granted. However, they suddenly become incompetent out of nowhere and are easily overthrown.

I wish that Ron Weasley ate my family.

Granted. He vomits them out, with no harm from your family.

I wish for food that is made out of strange ingredients, is very disgusting, is expired, has poison, is overcooked, and is made and cooked within an unreasonable time. With a drink, subject to the same agreements. The food/drink has to be in my face, and the drink in a tall glass, so tall that air pressure ruins it. In a small (but not so small that I couldn't get trapped in it) the safe should have its lock broken, there should be poison and bombs in the safe. And, when the food is finished (i.e. when I eat the last bite), I want it to turn into a very inefficient time machine, so I can cause everyone to explode. And, I have to not enter in a year, month, and day, so I can get eaten by a dino. And, I want to not share the food with Fast Eddie. And to be sprayed with anything poop, while in poop.

The “strange ingredients” cause the meal and drink to become the most delicious thing EVAR. The poison is in such small doses you don’t notice it. The bomb in the safe doesn’t go off and the poison dissipates. The inefficient time machine is just a cardboard box with no functionality. You then get sprayed by a few microlitres of feces while defecating, and wipe it off easily.

I wish time speeds up so fast I see all my friends and family dying and the world collapsing.

Granted. However, the sped-up time was only a vision and you can now use your knowledge of the future to save everyone.

I wish to never find love.

Granted. You learn how to be content with your singleness, and everyone finds it an inspiration that you can stand so well on your own.

I wish that I was forced to look at Voldemort's butt for twenty-four hours.

Granted, it's been enchanted to heal all who look upon it. Staring at it for so long has even extended your lifetime!

I wish we had only 5 years left to change our polluting ways instead of the predicted 10 to be in time to save the planet from irreparable climate damage.

Granted, but humanity sets their differences aside and we succeed in just 1 month, in saving the planet, we then ascend our physical forms and become gods.

I wish I was crushed by 10,000 dumbells

Granted. This causes you to vomit up a sandwich that would have given you food poisoning had it made it to your stomach.

I wish to get a splinter larger than an Asian Giant Hornet.

Granted, the puncture is clean enough to remove it painlessly.

I wish my eye exploded.

Granted. Thanks to your insurance you get a vastly superior cybernetic replacement

I wish my window broke into a thousand pieces

The incoming rock turns out to be a Good Luck Charm. And the glass repairer just so happened to be nearby...

I wish to have hyperacusis.

Granted. While the disorder definitely sucks in terms of hearing annoying sounds, you manage to channel your acute sense of hearing into music, becoming able to almost perfectly replicate any song.

I wish I had super strength that aged me every time I exerted myself.

Granted. You age about a Picosecond for every hour you use your super strength.

I wish for everything in the Epic Failure Game to happen to me.

Granted, you get compensation for the bad thing happening to you.

I wish Noodle would die.

She dies, but the other three Gorillaz put on a rockin' show in her memory. It's hailed as a touching tribute and one of their best albums.

I wish I died before hitting the ground in a battle royale game.

Edited by WillyFourEyes on Feb 20th 2019 at 6:20:01 AM

Granted! That round was full of cheaters anyway.

I wish to be teleported into a Death World.

Granted. But anyone who goes to a Death World still living is protected by a guardian angel. Who will take them back to the world of the living when in life-threatening peril.

I wish Star-Lord fucking shot me with a Kree gun.

Edited by KeironCioran on Feb 20th 2019 at 8:42:37 AM

Granted, it was harmless.

I wish for more pop-up ads on this site.

Edited by The_Dag on Feb 21st 2019 at 6:09:20 PM

Granted! They have many Anti-Frustration Features.

• They don't block any of the pages' contents.

• the X button is easy to find and functions like you would expect.

• they are timed to close automatically in 20 seconds after they appear

• said ads follow an appearance cycle. A different one for each page you load.

• they do not pop-up again until 15 minutes (give or take) have passed once the end of the cycle has been reached.

• and the cycle's length isn't so long to be obnoxious.

I wish for the US economy to collapse again.

Edited by aNinjaWithAIDS on Feb 21st 2019 at 12:28:54 PM

It collapses completely and we all live in an anarcho-communist utopia.

I wish the creators of Star Lord, Chimes at Midnight and Bioshock died before their works could be made.

Granted. By sheer force of coincidence, YOU come up with those concepts, and everyone loves you for it.

I wish I was cursed to turn into an animal whenever someone of the opposite sex touched me.

Granted, you’re the exact same because humans are also animals.

I wish for a hurricane to strike Oop North.