So... who's hosting?

I might if no one else if available. Also, since we're talking hosts it's probably time for some Badass Boasts and Pre-Asskicking One-Liners.

edited 23rd Feb '17 3:10:03 PM by TheGamechanger

I feel like bringing back some characters from when I first started participating in these...

Team Squid Sisters: Callie[1]◊ and Marie[2]◊!

Sam, Miguel and Reggie and Joel

edited 23rd Feb '17 5:18:11 PM by YOLOisfox

Typed all this in advance hoping that a host would've been decided by now, but since it's getting late I'll just submit the Badass Boasts to my tributes now.

His text is canonically white, so just highlight Doc Scratch's text.

Doc Scratch: Though the magnitude of the ensuing destruction resulting directly from your actions will be neither possible or necessary for you to fathom, there nevertheless ought to be a silver lining.

The only question is whether you will live long enough to see it.

I'm not a gambling man.

I have never once failed to complete this objective, and I never will.

There is nothing noble about taking a course of action you believe would prevent his arrival, because that is impossible.

He will come.

In fact, he is already here.

As for me, I continue to be an excellent host.

Lord English:

DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN ESCAPE ME BEFORE I ARRIVE?

HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO OUTRUN ME

   WHEN I AM ALREADY HERE?   

I can host if no one objects.

Spike: I may be the Great and Honorable Spike the Brave and Glorious, but I won't let anyone hurt my friend! (turns to Ember) That's just what friends do, right?

Ember: Maybe, but for now we're only helping each other survive this violent death match.

Spike: What do you mean?

Ember: Well, there's only one winner in the Hunger Games... (turns to the rest of the tributes) so I guess it's every tribute for themselves!

EDIT: Okay, I'm making the screens. I had to go back and fix an event, but these events... just look at them!

• And the first death of the gag season goes to— where did he learn how to do that?! Has he been swimming in Dory's... finsteps? [1]
• Looks like the punch has been spiked. (rimshot) [2]
• Peridot is just as egotistical as the other one. The Gem's simultaneous podium finish and polykill award just recently might've inspired her to rise to the challenge. [3] Unfortunately, she forgets to hydrate the next day. [4]
• Sollux succeeds in fulfilling three out of four quadrants at once! [5]

edited 24th Feb '17 3:32:03 AM by TroperNo9001

Jumin Han: Winning this "Hunger Games Sim"... Sounds like a valuable reward.

Susie: Bless our work and be at ease~!

Sir Bacon: ... Do we have to fight?

Peridot: NOW I CAN SHOW ALMOND HOW POWERFUL I REALLY AM!!... She's here, right?

I'd post a quote for Joey Turks Mort, but it would be way too swear-filled.

edited 24th Feb '17 4:27:19 AM by arcada188

Well then, if we're all doing this...

Graham Aker:It seems reasonable for someone to avoid this competition since it ends with only one person surviving... Too bad I'm an unreasonable man!

Sergei Smirnov:Prove to me that you are serious about winning this competition!

edited 24th Feb '17 5:32:16 AM by Goder12345

Heavy: It is good day to be giant man!

I'm just gonna use quotes from the actual game that work in this context.

Jonathan: My demons are a bit different!

Walter: I'll end it thus!

   Run fools, run... from MERASMUS!   

For context, wanna hear the voices for Doc Scratch and Lord English?

Doc Scratch

Lord English (Normal Voice)

Lord English (Angry Voice)

Ladies and gentletropers, this is the last qualifying round before the Battle Royales! Who among these poor unfortunate souls will be "lucky" enough to join the other finalists?

• Bloodbath
  • Wait a minute, The Ring was a book?! In this case, Sadako's diary is haunted as well, and Sollux only has seven days to hack and share it with someone else before he meets his doom.
  • Don't ask me how the oranda got the mace in the first place.
  • Not bad for these Smash Bros. newcomers!
  • Walter makes a good first impression.
  • Leatherface decides not to use his sledgehammer for once.
  • Oh Jeez, he's belly-up now.
  • A samurai fights a raccoon for a bag and makes an easy win.
  • Wait a minute, MYBUTT has a shoulder? (rimshot)
  • Hahahahahahahaha, Gaheron takes out an all-powerful demon with a lead pipe!
  • Sam, Miguel, and Reggie read Graham's mangas.
  • Suddenly, it's raining eyeballs! Peridot panics and makes a run for it.
• Day 1
  • Apparently, Jumin is a Sniper with a Huntsman, headshotting both MERASMUS and Ice Cube with the same bullet.
  • Never put your fish tank in direct sunlight, kids.
  • Punisher and Jonathan verbally punish each other.
  • Asotil feeds Heavy an explosive sandvich and lets Peridot have it, too.
  • Wow, two final boss declarations in a row!
  • Eridan would've killed this "land dwweller" right now, but he just settles for the Cone of Shame instead.
  • Don't ask me how the black moor hugs.
  • Joey Turks Mort interrupts Spike's nap.
  • You know what they say... too many cooks spoil the soup, especially when using flamethrowers.
  • Rigby Trash Boat misses hamboning with Mordecai.
  • Baron Vain catches a foursome.
  • Sadako tries willing Sergei out of existence, but the latter reminds her that she's just the soul of an abused teenage girl who haunts a videotape, causing both of them to disappear.
  • Seriously, Ember. You could've just used your dragon breath...
  • Susie gets one of her eyes scorched by molten rocks.
  • Doc Scratch recruits some new Felt members.
• Deaths: Two shots for a double digit death count.

And before you ask, yes, I stayed up all night writing this, so I'm going to bed now.

edited 23rd Aug '17 8:17:44 AM by TroperNo9001

Jeez, Homestuck tributes tend to get worfed early on, don't they?

Gaheron did try to become a god, though, so at least he's somewhat on the same power level.

-facepalms- I had such high hopes for you, Red Hood, and then you go and disappointingly die during the Bloodbath like a total chump... Next normal season, I'm nominating you again. And Heavy, why've you been suffering from so much Badass Decay ever since you tied for most kills the first time I nominated you?

ASOTIL: As a Soldier of the Imperial Legion, I'll show these Criminal Scum the Might of the Justice and protect the Fair Citizens of the Empire!

Aggy: On one hand, I'm already dead. On the other, I'm bored. Eh, why not? I can still show why Dunmer are the best.

EDIT: Oops, missed it. But it still applies.

edited 24th Feb '17 10:32:30 AM by DatLonerGirl

Lord English technically isn't out of the Hunger Games just yet. Spoiler video if you haven't seen Intermission 2 yet

Battle Music

• Etrian Odyssey Untold - Destruction Begets Decay (FM)

And yes, next normal game Lord English will be back. It'll take a lot more than that to get rid of him for good...

And I was right with my prediction from the last Hunger Games: Andrew Hussie really was a better villain than Lord English!

edited 24th Feb '17 11:40:47 AM by TheGamechanger

Nooo! Oh Jeez!!! Generic Goldfish!! AND ORANDA!!!

HOW DID ALMOST ALL MY TRIBUTES DIE ON THE FIRST DAY?!?!?

edited 24th Feb '17 1:52:51 PM by 4fterthought

Well, they ARE goldfish...

Sir Bacon's known to run with unruly fellows, despite being a nice guy himself...

Also, I am so using Peridot again as soon as possible. That's just pathetic.

Friggin' Eridan has been a better villain here than Lord English. That's just sad.

I remember putting in Peridot and Peridot in once. Can't remember how she did, but not too horribly if I remember correctly.

• Night 1
  • MONOCULUS! gets grounded for being such an eyesore.
  • An epic rap war among manly men... and a walrus thing.
  • Joel talks strategy with the Killer Instinct tributes, keeping watch for any signs of the fungal zombie infection.
  • Didn't know these guys were good at dancing.
  • Susie plays chess with The Chessmaster.
  • This rock band's got two rappers in it, so it's gotta be an awesome one, isn't it?
  • The Trix hallucinate that they're back at Alfea fighting the Winx.
  • Lucy gets lucky... too lucky.
  • Marie tries her hand at joining a Splatfest herself, but Aggy out-combo breaks her.
  • Vain finds his long-lost brother, but is appalled that he isn't blue like him.
  • Don't ask me how the black moor can even play a board game.
• Day 2
  • Ewww, Aganos. I guess Zarya's Particle Barrier just wasn't enough.
  • That's a large group hug.
  • Ah, Dragon Ball characters getting Worf'd. Just another day at the Hunger Games.
  • Sollux hacks the haunted diary and modifies it into a new videotape with ~ATH codes, then gives it a test run. That, or he's just watching some Troll romcoms that Karkat gave him beforehand.
  • Champion Rabbit shows his students how he became the champion in his home game.
  • Team Rocket is so distracted with coming up with crazy contraptions that they forget to fortify their camp.
  • Wait a minute, she's actually a Japanese flying squid!
  • This would've been a Curb-Stomp Battle, but surprisingly it's a draw.
  • Sir Bacon hilariously fails at knife throwing.
• Deaths: Zarya and Commander Red