Googling "how to deal with rejection" turns up a lot of results, but given that some of them are called "the myth of rejection", I'm kind of afraid what we would find... I suppose the biggest part of the work wouldn't be to just collect stuff, but to sift the good from the garbage.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.Confession time: I've looked into this myself, back when I needed it. One thing that nearly every manual, essay or research paper doesnt do is start at the beginning- they all seem to assume that you just pick someone you like and get that train started. I doubt it's that simple. Who do you approach and how? How do you recognize when someone is signalling approachability? How do you yourself signal that? The "hitting" process begins well before the two people actually begin talking.
I'm done trying to sound smart. "Clear" is the new smart.When people leave a company. Rotation is intended to be kept low. You generally want to hire someone so they stay. If there is a high personnel rotation, it means people are coming and going and that involves a crapton of monetary loss.
Generally, people hiring someone out of sheer technical knowledge can tell if a person will be able to do his job. However, there is no training to recognize if the person will actually want to STAY at the job.
And again I make a comparison to education in social relationships: Sure, you can teach someone how to greet, recognize certain signs, or whatever. But when it comes to understanding what sort of context is the person involved in, personal and social, it is very vital to know how to reach a person and get them to understad basic fucking empathy vs "if she has her knees bent, it means she is interested in you".
Maybe I am not the best one to talk about this though. I am as socially skilled as a bottle of water and for fucks sake I will fucking call you out if we go to see a movie and you spend half of its time in the fucking cellphone seriously would make me more comfortable if you slapped me and told me you werent interested in me and left (I will even still give you a ride home after that) but come on.
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes![]()
Because dating say,manuals and all the jazz asume at first that you have some skill with the other sex at all, or that a least you have date, this is the biggest issue: many people asume that dating is something everybody have and if you done well....if you fault.
"This is when PUA would have come in handy. Basic skill: the ability to recognize an invitation when it's offered. A bit more advanced: the ability to choose quickly what to do about it, and act on one's choice without fear or embarrassment."
Something similar happen to me: when oen woman star hit on me I was like "wait....me? like....you know.....ME?" I cant do too much because I cant barely belive it, it was sad from my part
"My Name is Bolt, Bolt Crank and I dont care if you believe or not"Again, that's pure Thomas Mann syndrome.
Man, I hate Thomas Mann. He's like a wicked, twisted mirror of my weaker, lonelier, past self that I've been working so hard to overcome and leave behind.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.I think part of the problem is that people are looking in the wrong place, when people come up and flirt with you based just on your appearance and without knowing you at all they're probably after a one night stand, that's what singles bars are for and such.
However the folks in need of advise don't seem to be after that, they want a relationship and the rules are very different there. With a relationship you're looking at the possibility of something long term with someone you know in a non-romantic context on some level, with a hook-up you're looking for someone physically attractive to much you genitalia together with.
PUA assumes that you only want the alter when I suspect that folks actually want the former, I can give advise on the former if people want though.
Though I will admit that I've fallen for Dear in the Headlights Syndrome before, being on a college trip and then suddenly having groupies is a weird experience.
edited 15th Jun '15 12:27:40 PM by Silasw
“And the Bunny nails it!” ~ Gabrael “If the UN can get through a day without everyone strangling everyone else so can we.” ~ CyranI dunno, can one really plan these things out? I've already gotten romantically involved with a one-night-stand or two. We happened to like each other.
edited 15th Jun '15 12:38:08 PM by TheHandle
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.Plan what out? A one-night stand or a relationship? Yes a one-night stand can turn romantic but you're still fundamentally doing a very different thing, when you try and turn a one night stand into something romantic you're going back to the same old "I actually kinda know you and am interested in turning thsi into a romantic thing" thing.
“And the Bunny nails it!” ~ Gabrael “If the UN can get through a day without everyone strangling everyone else so can we.” ~ CyranWell, there's that, but there's also a more carnal "I can't get enough of you" thing that can happen too. A lot of ONS are disappointments, but sometimes...
You should try A Long Slow Comfortable Screw Up Against the Wall
.
edited 15th Jun '15 2:32:43 PM by TheHandle
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
This drink consists of Sloe Gin (hence the 'slow'), Southern Comfort (hence the 'comfortable'), Orange Juice (which is what makes a screwdriver a screwdriver and not merely a bloody big vodka; hence the 'screw'), a float of Galliano (which is in a Harvey Wallbanger; hence the 'up against the wall'), served in a long glass (hence... oh, work it out for yourself). I found out about it because of the Discworld version, a Slow Comfortable Double-Entendre With Lemonade
.
You should add a miniature railway. Then you'd have a
CHOO CHOO CHA'BOOGIE! CHOO CHOO CHA... CHOO CH.. CHOO CHA... Oh my.
edited 15th Jun '15 3:51:46 PM by TheHandle
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.edited 15th Jun '15 3:42:16 PM by Aszur
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothesSo, I want to look at this dating advice
from The Art of Manliness. Don't let the website name fool you, it's manliness like in Pacha, or Pa Kent, or Atticus Finch. Or Benjamin Franklin or Winston Churchill or Theodore Roosevelt, on the Real Life side of things.
But, really, just a look at the articles' titles should tell you everything as to what this is about. This website isn't for womanizers, it's for guys who're playing for keeps.
edited 15th Jun '15 3:56:05 PM by TheHandle
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.A selection of the articles' titles:
"Men & Dating: Why the Pick-Up Scene Gets it Wrong"
"How to Overcome Phone Shyness"
"Help for the Shy Guy: The Complete Guide to Overcoming Your Shyness"
"Ask a Woman on a Date [VIDEO]"
"How to Recover From a Bad First Impression"
...and so on (there are a lot more).
Seems to be an emphasis on overcoming shyness, which isnt a bad thing, but that isnt everyone's main problem.
I'm done trying to sound smart. "Clear" is the new smart.No but it's a major problem that leads to the appearance of "Nice Guy" people, which is a big issue and people who might fall into that trap are probably the most likely to go online for advise. We need an alternative or such folks will get their 'advise' from the MRA and PUA communities.
“And the Bunny nails it!” ~ Gabrael “If the UN can get through a day without everyone strangling everyone else so can we.” ~ CyranI would say overcoming shyness is the problem of most single men. The problem is society does a poor job teaching men that. Most advice tends to be simple and unhelpful, in the vein of "man up and talk to her!" Which, aside from being simple, vague, and unhelpful, trivializes any issues a man in particular might be having to impede that.
Empathy and expectations all play a role in this, more than social shyness, awkwardness, or social skills. People are more often willing to deal with coyness than they are with hostility, which is how many unempathic or entitled behaviors can come off as.
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothesBasic social skills however do tend to help you build your own circle of friends who can act as a support group, so I'm still not sold on the need for PU As.
“And the Bunny nails it!” ~ Gabrael “If the UN can get through a day without everyone strangling everyone else so can we.” ~ Cyran

How about starting with learning how to recognize when someone is hitting on you, or the appropriate way to hit on someone? Also, dealing with rejection graciously. Everyone needs to know that stuff.
I'm done trying to sound smart. "Clear" is the new smart.