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Adulthood has turned me into a cynical, miserable hag

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ficthor Yikes from Dystopia Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady
Yikes
Oct 17th 2014 at 6:42:35 AM

I'll try to make this short.

I used to be happy, optimistic, and outgoing.

Nowadays I'm rather miserable, cynical, and introverted. I'm only 23 but my god I feel like I've lived forever and I hope that the rest of my life isn't like this. I've lost the joy in so many things I used to treasure. About the only things now that really make me happy are my pets, and the occasional good video game, but even with vg I'm incredibly picky.

Well, how has adulthood changed you, if any?

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Willbyr Anime-ted from North Little Rock, AR Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
Anime-ted
Oct 17th 2014 at 8:05:51 AM

I have lost all the optimism and hope that I had as a child/teenager, although that's more to do with being utterly disappointed with humanity as a whole than getting older.

Resize || Upgrades || My dA page
Oct 17th 2014 at 8:17:18 AM

Well, I am technically below the poverty line, now that I've fully made the transition from living with my mother to living on my own. I will also find it difficult to pay for acting training and rent at the same time. I am also single and not quite back up to dating again.

But, it's not really that bad. I still have three months to sort out money issues. And making my own decisions on what to do with my life, in both everday terms and long term goals, is really exciting. And I still have all my nice clothes and makeup, so that's another consolation.

blackcat Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Oct 17th 2014 at 7:20:19 PM

I've been an adult for far longer than I wasn't, so I don't know that I remember a lot about what I was like before.

I know that when I think of things the younger incarnations of my self did and thought and said, I find that I could have been kinder and more thoughtful more often.

I don't trust as easily or as often as she did, although I will give people the benefit of the doubt more often than not. In real life. On the internet, not so much.

I've also experienced a lot more pain than I ever thought possible. Loving people hurts.

We never go any where without our swords and boas.
InverurieJones '80s TV Action Hero from North of the Wall. Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
'80s TV Action Hero
Oct 18th 2014 at 8:48:49 AM

I'm tired, I'm angry, I'm disappointed in pretty much everything and I'm in constant pain.

To be fair, most of the damage was done before adulthood, but things aren't getting much better.

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'
Carciofus Is that cake frosting? from Alpha Tucanae I
Is that cake frosting?
Oct 19th 2014 at 12:54:00 PM

Well, how has adulthood changed you, if any?
Let me break the combo and say that I think I definitely improved with adulthood. I mean, I'm far from perfect, but compared to teenager me I think I'm a lot better and happier.

As a child, I used to think that the fact that I could get high grades at school with barely any effort at all made me somehow superior to others. I thought that the fact that I had barely any friends at all (aside from my family, which thankfully is quite extended — otherwise, I'd have ended up pretty much entirely unsocialized) was because everyone else was too stupid to be worth talking to, rather than because I had the social skills of a rabid badger and half its friendly demeanor. I expected that because of my "obvious genius", once I got out of school the whole world would have accommodated me, and I would have succeeded effortlessly in everything I attempted.

I was, in short, a complete ass — and yeah, one could dig deeper and claim that this was in turn a consequence of some previous unpleasantness, but the point stands.

Now? Things are not perfect, I'll admit. After a Ph D and a couple years as a postdocs, I went and decided to get another Master's Degree on a different discipline — crazy move, I know, but I had some savings and I was getting very frustrated with my current research direction and after all if I cannot study now, when will I be able to? I have little clue of what I'll do a year from now; and while my social skills definitely improved since my childhood, I'm still no social butterfly; and even though romance is not really the focus of my interests right now, the point remains that my love life makes the Sahara Desert look like the freaking Amazon Forest.

But, well, life is not bad right now. I'm learning awesome stuff and visiting a new and cool place and seeing my previous works cited and used by other people, and I'm not unhappy — actually, I'm more hopeful than I've been since a fairly long time. There's lots of science left to do; and, after all, I'm still alive.

edited 19th Oct '14 12:54:52 PM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
Oct 19th 2014 at 12:59:28 PM

I kind of bent the combo a little bit due to my optimism.

Carciofus Is that cake frosting? from Alpha Tucanae I
Is that cake frosting?
Oct 19th 2014 at 1:05:21 PM

Point.

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
Oct 19th 2014 at 5:20:56 PM

Seriously, there are great things about adulthood. I don't need to ask permission from anyone or even tell them I'm going anywhere. And I don't need to explain why I rewarded myself for paying bills by spending the rest of my money on cute shoes and a huge bag of kitkats.

Euodiachloris Relationship Status: Is that a kind of food?
Oct 19th 2014 at 7:28:35 PM

[up]Also: who needs a "decent" breakfast when... KitKats and coffee beckon seductively?

blackcat Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Oct 19th 2014 at 8:16:43 PM

I'm going through a latter day cute shoes period myself. After alot alot of years buying shoes for comfort and practicality I am buying fun shoes. Yeah, I'll still buy the sensible ones for work but, colors! and fun patterns! and red! and purple!

We never go any where without our swords and boas.
Euodiachloris Relationship Status: Is that a kind of food?
Oct 19th 2014 at 8:19:55 PM

*grumble* That's all well and good for those of you with normal-sized feet. <insert more grumbles here> I consider myself lucky to find the colour "navy". Or, the extra-rare "brown". <_<

Sure, I can still buy kids' shoes: but, have you seen the stitching in those things? <shudders> Being an adult with small feet: being able to look at kids complaining about their shoes and instead of telling them to stop whining and "you'll get used to them!", agreeing with them.

At least nobody does that to me, now. <_<

edited 19th Oct '14 8:23:18 PM by Euodiachloris

Oct 19th 2014 at 8:30:05 PM

Ugh, finding shoes that fit non-average sized feet. There's one store which reliably carries cute adult shoes in my very small size, but they run at $70 a pop and I have to watch for a sale.

blackcat Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Oct 19th 2014 at 8:46:03 PM

I have the exact opposite problem. My feet are larger than all those sixes and sevens and eights out there. And all the other women with big feet buy all the cute shoes first. Damn them.

Also what is absolutely darling in a size six can be considerably less so in a nine or ten or eleven.

A tiny former student with tiny feet introduced me to Cinderella of Boston, and yes, adult shoes for women with small feet are expensive. [1]

We never go any where without our swords and boas.
TuefelHundenIV Watchman of the Apocalypse from Wandering Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Watchman of the Apocalypse
Oct 20th 2014 at 6:22:32 PM

I am a bit like Jonesy in some regards.

A bit jaded and banged up the jaded part though has been with since before highschool. I was banged up from my time in service and something is almost always hurting. Though I have my fair share of optimistic days as well. Not going to lie though I tend to be a bit of grump if I don't take my melatonin now. So those are the Tuefel in a moderately more amicable mood pills because of my FUBAR sleep cycles that have been messed up for over a decade.

"Who watches the watchmen?"
MarkVonLewis Too Strange to Live, Too Rare to Die from Somewhere in Time Relationship Status: Too sexy for my shirt
Too Strange to Live, Too Rare to Die
Oct 22nd 2014 at 4:13:49 PM

Yeah, I feel like my 2.5 years in the Army has prematurely aged me like 8 years. I'm only 24 yet I feel like I'm 30.

Medusa strippers, where the phrase "my eyes are up here" is a dangerous phrase.
Oct 24th 2014 at 8:03:00 AM

To be honest, people who complain about adulthood are rarely talking about adulthood. All it means is taking responsibility for yourself. It doesn't mean 'lots of bad stuff happens to me' or 'I'm weighed down by the state of humanity and it makes me feel bad.'

Oct 25th 2014 at 2:07:55 AM

Well, I feel disillusioned by adulthood thus far, having recently graduated with an MFA in Creative Writing and found that without work experience I'm no more employable than someone without a High School diploma. I spent my late-teens to mid-twenties in a kind of second childhood, now that I've graduated I feel like the bubble has burst, I have to face a grim reality and fend for myself somehow, the free ride is over.

On the bright side, I'm a lot wiser, mentally stable and in control of my emotions than I was as a teen. Psychologically I'm much better off.

edited 25th Oct '14 2:10:39 AM by Surenity

InverurieJones '80s TV Action Hero from North of the Wall. Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
'80s TV Action Hero
Oct 26th 2014 at 4:09:45 PM

[up][up] Well, it does involve suddenly having to pay for everything yourself and the massive cascade reaction of clusterfuckery that that involves (i.e. employment).

'All he needs is for somebody to throw handgrenades at him for the rest of his life...'
Oct 27th 2014 at 8:08:18 AM

I'm not saying people haven't complained about the pressure to be financially stable and whatnot. Only that more people complain about what happens to them, on the news, or to their friends—as if absolutely everything bad that happens in their lives after eighteen means they can say adulthood sucks. Philosophical exhaustion with humanity in general, for example, is not the same as not being able to pay the bills. Unless that's the reason for said exhaustion.

Mar 13th 2015 at 4:35:30 AM

I'll just say adulthood is quite nice if you've had a decent childhood or teenagehood. Otherwise, unsolved problems tend to spiral out of control at about this stage.

So yeah, I think the typical "being an adult will make you miserable/cynical" narrative is VERY dangerous. You don't magically lose your energy because you're an adult. If you lose your energy, it's because there are other problems that you CAN usually solve and become an happy adult. Thinking that this "miserableness" is an inevitable part of adulthood will prevent you from seeing these problems.

NotSoBadassLongcoat The Showrunner of Dzwiedz 24 from People's Democratic Republic of Badassia Relationship Status: Puppy love
The Showrunner of Dzwiedz 24
Mar 13th 2015 at 4:52:42 PM

I decided to take a week off work due to being exhausted and depressed. I can't stand human stupidity and lack of common sense. Everyone's acting entitled these days, most often for no good reason, I can't stand it! People apparently don't want to be responsible for what they do, but they demand, demand and demand, what is wrong with them?!

"We were somewhere around Wonderland, on the edge of the chessboard, when the cookies began to take hold." - William Radar Storm
TairaMai rollin' on dubs from El Paso Tx Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
rollin' on dubs
Apr 19th 2015 at 7:24:08 PM

"Ah, but I was so much older then I'm younger than that now" Bob Dylan

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." Mark Twain

When I was younger (my teens and early twenties), it was much simpler. I was right and them old folks was wrong.

Then I flunked out of grad school, my father passed away, my ex left me and I joined the Army.

And I saw how young and stupid I was.

But I got over it.

"Every man is on trial, every man is a little war" Frank Herbert

"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." Alexis Carrel

Things change. I went from being a smartass who hated anything to do with government to crying during 9/11.

A lot of the things I was passionate about when I was 19 are silly now.

And yet I still find the good in things and the positive in people.

I've seen NCO's and soldiers in the army who are selfish paycheck collectors, a-holes who should never have been allowed to enlist-let alone be promoted. And I've seen soldiers and NCO's go out of their way to help each other. hell, I had a guy with a sportscar help me move my chair and fav tv (I bought him a pizza as a favor).

People are stupid, crazy and self centered. It's just that we don't notice that when we're younger because we're just as bad.

When you get older, yeah time is precious and the a-holes and the stupid people start to grate.

Trends change and what's important when you're paying your own bills is MORE important than when you sat in your parents house, musing, reading, or posting on the tumbler (In my day it was USENET).

The important thing is to find happiness on your own terms. Nothing pisses me off more than someone trying to play Manic Pixie Dream Girl and say "Cheer up!"

Or try to tell me some cause on the Facebook is totes important and you must like this page!!eleventy1!

-_-

I hate SJW types and their pet causes. Don't send me pages on teh facebook to "like". I do my own reaserch and I can use Google or the library thank you verymuch...

No, I don't need to have my heartstrings tugged on (I have a doctor's note :), nor do I find the things that some people harp on interesting. I have Hype Aversion to an art form.

It's not cynicism, it's that with experience we can see behind the curtain. We can see that some works of art are pretensions crap. Some works are overhyped and some are just naked cash grabs.

"Seinfeld" Is Unfunny: many creators and people think they have invented X...um no. It's been done before so their X isn't as impressive.

But at the same time I keep an open mind. Sites like Deviant Art, Pixv and even Youtube show lots of new works that put a smile on my cranky old face. Hell, Birdy Nam Nam did a song that was a throwback to the dance music of The '80s that I use it as an alarm to get me up in the morning ("Defiant Order", iz teh awesome <3).

On a serious note: If you find that you are in a depression that lasts more than three days go see your doctor or a counselor. Ficthor, I'm being serious. It could be diet or depression if a bout of "the blues" lasts more than a few days and DOESN'T correct itself.

edited 19th Apr '15 7:49:22 PM by TairaMai

abloogy woogy woo
BlueNinja0 The Mod with the Migraine from Taking a left at Albuquerque Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
The Mod with the Migraine
Apr 19th 2015 at 8:29:57 PM

It could be diet or depression if a bout of "the blues" lasts more than a few days and DOESN'T correct itself.
Or as some of us call it, "deployment." tongue

Thatís the epitome of privilege right there, not considering armed nazis a threat to your life. - Silasw
TairaMai rollin' on dubs from El Paso Tx Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
rollin' on dubs
Apr 19th 2015 at 9:58:28 PM

[up]I assume that OP doesn't wear a gov'ment uniform to work.

abloogy woogy woo

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