So how do you guys deal with small talk anyway? I feel like I usually just end up saying things in response to acknowledge that I'm paying attention, but still, if I'm at work out there stocking or something and someone comes up to me and starts saying inane things about what I'm doing (not asking for help or anything, and this happens more often than you might think), that bothers me way more than it should, even if I'm good at not letting that show.
Reading tropes such as You Know What You Did
I have my moods, but I think I'm getting better. I can talk, far out I can talk, on a topic like Buffy the Vampire Slayer for example if it comes up I'd be all, "Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, look at one of Faith's first scenes where she meets Scott Hope, look at the background," and go into a half hour discussion of her being a multiple rapist. If I am sick of politics on the other hand and don't want to discuss it then I'd just give polite replies of one syllable or less.
For me, some may feel the same way, part of it is also thinking someone doesn't want to talk about it, or they get sick of hearing about my horror at seeing Dead Island: Riptide and R rated games. Now if someone is enthused about a topic I bring up, well like I said I can talk, but it is part and parcel of judging and gauging how a conversation is going. I guess that's true of all people, those with aspergers may find it harder, they may not, they may over analyze it.
Currently reading up My Rule Fu Is Stronger than YoursI agree that it's hard for me to talk about topics that don't interest me (politics being an excellent example), but that doesn't really come up at work. A better example is I'm stocking fruit, and someone comes up to me and asks if the product is "fresh". Well, what do I do with that? The answer is either "yes" or "I've seen better to be honest", and given my situation as an employee, I doubt they (or my managers) want to hear the latter in response. So really, it's a meaningless question and no new information is exchanged.
Regarding the more specific thing of "What sort of specific behaviors"...I checked some more of what I had on it. Paraphrasing, some of the things they say are like..
Failures in social-emotional reciprocicity, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation ("Hi there Tim!" "Oh. Hello." "What's up?" "Nothing." "Oh! I see, say, did you watch X show last night? I heard that you..uhh...Tim? where are you going? Tim ...Tim?"); to reduced sharing of interests (For Autism spectre, interests tend to be narrow), emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions. Deficits in nonverbal communication in social situations, for example, abnormalities in eye contact and body language (Nods for No. Shakes for yes. Sometimes the opposite. Just cannot seem to remember which is which) or deficits in understanding and use of gestures: to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.
Not understanding what a smile means, what a frown is, or approaching a crying sad person without recognizing his/her distress.
Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends (visible in children); to absence of interest in peers.
Bear in mind that some of these can just be hints to ONE thing. "OMG I totally did not have friends as a kid!", or "I said weird things as a kid!" or "I wasn't part of the popular group in school! AUTISM!" doesn't mean you have autism.
One thing about Autism is that it is first seen in developmental stages (AKA childhood)...on DSM IV it was initially catalogued within the Child Development Disorders, whereas in V it gains its completely differentiated and separate sector. Thing is, untreated, what adults develop are "strategies" of sorts (there is a word for it in spanish but not in english..."mañas") to deal with the problems.
For example, as a child, the person with an autism spectre disorder depending on the severity, might not understand he is supposed to greet others. As an adult he might have understood people will not annoy him/her if he says osmething greeting-related and may either greet at innapropriate times, or do so in innapropriate ways, because he never learned the initial purpose of greeting (For example, arriving at your friend's funeral and asking the mother "Hello Miss X. How are you? Having a good time?"). So he learned how to say "Hi". Just not why, or when. To the outside, he seems "more normal" than as the eerie, silent child, but the underlying issue is still not solved and will surge up every now and then.
The examples are, however, very hard to apply and generalize. I suggest you do not. Diagnosis of disorders are carried out by professionals because they are trained in diagnostics methods, multiaxial, or ICD, or whatever other method they utilize. Just because you have a stethoscope, it does not mean you are capable of auscultating a heart problem. And the label of "asperger" or "autism" means more than what people like to use it as.
It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothesYou described it very well, Aszur.
I was thinking, myself, of how I'd describe autism to people who wanted/needed to understand it. And it's clear to me that there are "primary symptoms" (difficulty understanding social cues, Tourettes-esque aspects, unusually intense sensory inputs), and then these lead to secondary symptoms, and it's the secondary symptoms - the behaviors - that people see. They don't see the primary symptoms, which are the causes.
Anyway, let's talk about origin stories.
Daft Punch left one, but unfortunately it didn't lead to a discussion. I'd like to talk about when/how we were diagnosed. Providing our birth year (because autism understanding has changed a lot over the decades), gender (since females get diagnosed less than males, especially when they're high-functioning) and country (since, for instance, Aspergers was recognized in some countries before it was recognized in others) might help provide background context, but you can keep that information private if you'd like.
But for me:
Male, born in 1981, in the US. I actually started developing normally, then regressed during age 1, and lost the ability to talk, and started to ignore people, push them away, and took no interest in other human beings. My parents were told by other people "Don't worry, he's just an Einstein. Einstein didn't talk until he was 7." My parents didn't listen to that, and I got diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. This was back in the age of the "refrigerator mom" that people believed in, and autism was very stigmatized.
Well, I went to early intervention. Intensive early intervention. It was called Princeton Child Development Institute, was based in New Jersey, and is still around today. It's totally a behaviorist place. I know many high-functioning autistics have problems with behaviorism, as a lot of it really does amount to forcing kids to act normal without trying to understand the cause of their difference (which, with the high-functioning, can be traumatic), but in my case, I really needed it. They worked on things like eye contact using rewards ("Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Good, you get a cookie."). They worked on speech similarly. They wanted to force those behaviors into me. It worked.
I was mainstreamed into a normal kindergarten class. I had behavior problems in school though, and the other kids soon learned in third grade that they could trick me into acting funny or doing things that entertained them, that would get me in trouble. To make things worse, I started to develop some Tourettes-esque tics, like inappropriate laughter (a known autism symptom), that I'd get in trouble for. I'd be sent back to PCDI the day after my major behavior issues. This occurred mostly in fifth grade.
Still, I gradually improved over time, though I was always socially out of it. I had no desire to participate in the things my classmates did in middle/high school, and always though societal problems like drug use and behaviors like taking cars for a joy ride were just so damn stupid that I looked down upon neurotypicals (term for non-autistics, though I didn't use it then) for doing crap like that.
College wasn't eventful, other than one woman randomly coming up to me during lunch and talking to me. She was very interesting, and I enjoyed her company. But I never went any further, even to become friends or anything. I strongly suspect, looking back, that she too had autism.
Nowadays, I only have a job because my dad asked my boss to hire me as a favor to him. It's probably the only way I'd get a job that's not a fucking janitor or something.
Well, that's a lot more than my origin story, but I had a lot to say. Anyone else want to share their origin stories? If nothing else, how were you diagnosed, and when - what year at least?
I think I was diagnosed when I was about 5, 6, or 7. Originally my mom took me to this doctor in Baltimore, but later we switched to a nutritionist in Bethesda. I've been able to get accommodations at the schools I've attended. But I had to be taught how to act in certain situations. I don't think I recognize when someone is flirting with me. I also find a lot if the customs people have, like the stuff they would teach at that place that starts with a c but I can't remeber what it's called, are overcomplicated . I like being more direct instead of playing charades. I think this contributes to why I'm baffled by how espionage works. It's illegal to spy on this country, but it's legal to have spies loyal to said country in other countries. That's a stupid double standard. I also think there might be some level of deceit in how people dress up for parties or special events. What if people just stopped doing that and decided at the same time to just be casual when they go to work or parties ? What's the point in upholding something that in the end makes things a little more inconvenient? After all I don't think anyone really likes putting on monkey suits or spending hundreds of dollars on them, or acting polite to people they despise. So why keep doing it?
edited 13th Jun '14 2:38:32 PM by Xopher001
Yeah, I did have problems with coordination as well and had to go to some special classes in childhood at times.
I honestly don't remember when I was diagnosed. I know that beforehand, we had a lot of problems in kindergarten, though.
"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard Feynman
Reading tropes such as You Know What You Did
Oh yeah. I think it's more a case that I try and hold it in and things that by rights should upset me I try and brush off, so when it becomes overwhelming then it becomes this. Certainly much better than I was, I would become upset at being overwhelmed but it does still happen.
Currently reading up My Rule Fu Is Stronger than YoursI got diagnosed age twelve halfway through my first year of high school. I remember just sort of listening quietly while my mum hugged me and explained just how things were with me, and explaining why I did the things I did and had trouble with things nobody else thought about.
I didn't go into denial or anything, because it made sense. And she promised that just because they knew what to call what was wrong with me didn't mean anything had to change, which I remember worrying me the most.
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?The thing just about every Aspie can agree on is that the moment someone calls them out on poor behaviour and they realise just where they're going wrong socially, they are immediately apologetic.
Hell, I feel guilty just being in the same room as someone who gets bad news, as if I could have somehow made things better.
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?That seems like it'd be a pretty obvious way to see if someone was only claiming Asperger's as an excuse to act like a jerk. Someone like that would offend someone else, then expect the offended person to feel sorry for them.
Anyway, I've only recently been diagnosed (and even then, I'm not sure how much my diagnosis counts since I haven't been extensively tested), but I know I had some issues as a kid that may have been misdiagnosed or ignored since I definitely had other more pressing unrelated health issues. For one, I had issues with motor skills and speech, and I used to really not be able to stand sudden loud noises, like fireworks, even if I expected them, though not so much anymore.
I'm not sure if this is the right thread for this, but is anyone else pissed off by the show criminal minds?
I am not seeing how that is pertinent to this topic.
On my side, I did have problems with loud noises and insects and still have one for large crowds.
"For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled." - Richard FeynmanFor me it was hairdryers.
Powerful blasts of hot dry air getting in my eyes and burning my hair.
And the noise was unbearable. My sister used to torment me with it in the bathroom.
Got over it about four years ago, but god I couldn't stand it.
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?Is it common to eventually get over those sensory overload symptoms? Because aside from truly unexpected loud noises (which I think freak out everyone, fight or flight and all that), that particular fear hasn't bothered me for a long time. Large crowds and loud ambient noise do tend to exhaust me after prolonged periods, but not to the extent that I actively avoid them.
Fantasy writer turned Filmmaker.
I have a naturally-loud voice.
Related: My grandpa has a hard time understanding people who talk fast. When he's confused by what I'm saying, I instinctively raise my voice — rather than what he needs (slower speaking).
Actual Filmmaker trying to earn a Creator page. Gleahan and the Knaves of Industry — available now on streaming and blu-ray.

"As for self-diagnosis, I don't mind it, now using a diagnosis (self given or not) as an excess to be an asshole annoys me greatly, but that's because the person is being an asshole."
I disagree because individuals will always make an attempt to stand out. The trendy disorder that everyone diagnoses themselves with seems to be Obsessive-Compulsive nowadays. Psychopathy/sociopathy is also fairly common... I mean WHO would declare themselves a psychopath? They might as well say: "I have very little empathy and share a stigmatized disorder with the most depraved criminals and executives." You do NOT want to be labelled by any organization as a social outlier. Historically, the results of deviancy have never been pretty.