Welcome to the Salty Spittoon

You can return here when you have lava for drinks and rusted steel for towels.

How tough am I? Once, when someone throws a giant asteroid to cause a nuclear winter, I pushed it away from the planet by simply staring at it! (Cut to the sky, where another asteroid is on a collision route to the planet. I stared at it, causing it to move away from its collision route, diverting from the planet)

edited 3rd Jun '18 3:41:01 PM by dave_the_assassin

-nods at the demonstration- Go ahead! Right this way!

I'll have you know I stubbed my toe last week while watering my spice garden, and I entered a state of rage that destroyed the entire world within twenty minutes.

Oh yeah? Well Jimmy here destroyed two worlds in a state of ennui.

I can turn into a fly! -demonstrates- And I can still kick your ass like this!

This is a no fly, zone, buddy.

I once drank milk a full week after the expiration date.

Kid, that won't get you into here. Try something older, and possibly more expired. Year-old milk from the back of the fridge that's got enough Salmonella in it to kill a horse, perhaps?

I managed to out-angry the Angry Marines.

Eh, I'll give you a day pass. Next time, try to out-angry Asura

I played that level in Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain without crying or threatening to throttle Huey.

Come on in, Sir. You heartless bastard.

I beat up eight cyclopses in a fist fight. The cyclopses were armed with a club and dagger each. I had no weapons.

Did you poke 'em in the eye? It doesn't count if you don't poke 'em in the eye.

Why do you think there's a "Running of the Bulls" every year in Spain? Who do you think scared the bulls out of their cages? That's right...this guy.

Come back when you fight those bulls.

I singlehandly took out the local Mafia!

Local mafia? Amateur. You have to go at least state wide to get in here.

I called Chuck Norris a sissy, and not only survived, but I made him cry.

Damn, Ninja'd.

Right this way, sir. You get one free drink too, because Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer.

I can sense God Ki, stare Smile Dog into submission with no side effects, diss a Sega Saturn with no consequences, and smell what The Rock is cooking!

Edited by DefRevenge24601 on Jun 28th 2018 at 3:13:51 PM

Have you tasted what The Rock was cooking? If you share some, I might let you in provisionally.

My idea of a "classic" movie night includes watching a marathon of all of Uwe Boll's video-game-to-movie movies without interruption. While boxing the man himself. Sometimes, I even let him hit me.

Oh my god, the only thing worse is sitting through Showgirls, without the nude scenes. Drinks on the house.

I once protested a Westboro Baptist Church funeral.

Normally that wouldn't get you in here, but I'll give you a day pass since it was a WBC funeral you protested at. After that, you'll need to provide evidence of something better.

I beat theseguys in hand to hand combat. Both were armed with their weapons, and I was unarmed.

Edited by Clockwork_Heart on Jul 2nd 2018 at 10:40:31 AM

You're in, but you're banned if you cause a brawl!

I'm here to apply for a job of being a bartender here.

Can you dodge flying glasses, tables, chairs, and the occasional body? Those are all requirements here for all positions.

I once drank, in one night, a rusty nail, with an actual rusty nail, tequila with a rattlesnake at the bottom, and sex on the beach, while having sex on the beach.

Did anybody see you do it? It doesn't count unless you have at least two other witnesses (especially for the "sex on the beach" thing; you know how curious people are about that sort of thing).

I once won a Staring Contest against Medusa, without the use of mirrors or reflections.

Edited by WillyFourEyes on Jul 3rd 2018 at 7:23:15 AM

(The bouncer has been turned to stone, as the only person who can defeat Medusa in a staring contest is herself.)

I’m so tough, I bumped this thread!

Okay nerd, you can talk about bumping threads over at Weenie Hut Jr.'s.

Speaking of bumping, however, I bumped into a mountain and made it slide half way across the Earth.

Okay, but you're limited to three drinks.

I once made Trump tell the truth.

.........Go right in.

I once ate a bowl of milk! Without any nails!

I'm more impressed by you eating the milk than I am the bowl. Drinks are on me.

I take care to reply to each and every message in my "Spam" folder, just to see if the sender 1) is real, and 2) will actually sell me whatever is in their poorly-worded form letter.

That's stupid and reckless. Only smart and reckless gets you in here.

I searched two girls, one cup, and didn't flinch.

Anyone can search 2 Girls 1 Cup. Most of us in here actually watched it.

I won an arm wrestling tournament!

Come back when you’ve won a toe wrestling match.

How tough am I? Not at all. I got lost on the way to Weenie Hut Jr’s.