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Apr 5th 2014 at 10:40:56 PM

You awaken with a great pain resounding through your head and the taste of someone else's vomit in your mouth.

It takes a few seconds for your vision to focus, but when it does you discover that you're lying on your back staring up at a ceiling made of softly-glowing crystals.

You're in an extensive network of caves and twisty passages, all alike.

You don't have amnesia. You actually recall, reasonably well, that you were down here trying to find a lightning stone for your Master before the cave troll got you.

Incidentally, you're actually tied up with vines right now - the suckers are pretty tight. You're probably going to end up being eaten raw if you don't escape somehow.

You're not going to lie - that would be interesting.

Except your Master really, really wants a lightning stone.

What do you do?

>

((This is an interactive game where I, according to a mixture of predefined rules that you presently know nothing about and DM fiat, will answer any commands or suggestions you give me in order to tell a story that is precisely as ridiculous as you determine. Proceed.))

edited 5th Apr '14 10:41:15 PM by ShadowWarden

MicoolTNT A Wandering Soul from 'straya, m8 Relationship Status: Too sexy for my shirt
A Wandering Soul
Apr 5th 2014 at 10:52:14 PM

Look at my body. See if I appear fully human, and how badly wounded I am.

"And beneath the distant stars, Emperor's Light shall cover us..."
Apr 5th 2014 at 11:05:40 PM

>Look at my body. See if I appear fully human, and how badly wounded I am.

You are wrapped in vines.

You are wearing tie-dye robes stained with blood. The blood is an improvement.

You appear to have a few gashes on your forearms and torso, but nothing terribly serious. There's also the fact that your head's been clobbered pretty thoroughly.

Oh, and although you do appear to be human... oid... ish, your right hand ends in a scaly, sharp, very serious-looking claw. That's what you transformed it into when you tried to fight the cave troll.

The aforementioned claw currently occupies your usable item slot.

What do you do?

>

Gemsparky Gemsparky from North America
Gemsparky
Apr 5th 2014 at 11:29:26 PM

> Attempt to cut the vines with the claw.

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Apr 5th 2014 at 11:36:11 PM

>Attempt to cut the vines with the claw.

Unfortunately, you cannot use anything currently in your usable item slot. Your state of immobilization prevents you from accessing it.

The irony is that if your claw was not in your usable item slot, you'd be able to escape just fine.

But it is. And you aren't able to.

And you can't switch items in and out of your usable item slot while immobilized.

What do you do?

>

BaconManiac5000 Relationship Status: Baby don't hurt me!
Apr 5th 2014 at 11:54:08 PM

> Try chewing on the vines.

what do you mean I didn't win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else
Apr 6th 2014 at 2:05:31 AM

>Try chewing on the vines.

True, you've got teeth. Unfortunately, they are neither sharp enough nor close enough to do any damage to the vines.

You now have a crick in your neck from trying.

What do you do?

>

Gemsparky Gemsparky from North America
Gemsparky
Apr 6th 2014 at 9:50:50 AM

Seeing as I was able to transform my hand into a claw, I will presume I have magic powers.

>I teleport out of the vines.

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Apr 6th 2014 at 12:34:53 PM

Seeing as I was able to transform my hand into a claw, I will presume I have magic powers.

>I teleport out of the vines.

You do not have magic powers.

You have a magic power, singular.

The power of minor transformation is currently allocated to your usable power slot. Your Master gave it to you to accomplish this mission.

Teleportation is not a minor transformation, and thus you are presently incapable of it.

Did you mention that you hear footsteps?

Because you hear footsteps.

They sound suspiciously like cave troll footsteps.

They're also coming toward you.

What do you do?

>

edited 6th Apr '14 12:36:03 PM by ShadowWarden

MicoolTNT A Wandering Soul from 'straya, m8 Relationship Status: Too sexy for my shirt
A Wandering Soul
Apr 7th 2014 at 5:57:13 AM

I have a usable item slot and a usable power slot. What other 'usable' stuff do I have? Hell, what other 'slots' should I know about?

"And beneath the distant stars, Emperor's Light shall cover us..."
ArmoredFury gun daughter!!! from the path to exile
gun daughter!!!
Apr 7th 2014 at 6:10:28 AM

I'm going to assume that transforming our hand into organic chainsaw is not covered under Minor Transformation.

>Pretend to be unconscious.

She's going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun she found.
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:21:16 PM

>I have a usable item slot and a usable power slot. What other 'usable' stuff do I have? Hell, what other 'slots' should I know about?

Usable Item Slot: Right Hand (transformed into claw)

This is your usable item slot. You use this for anything that takes a hand or two hands to use effectively. Anything that immobilizes you prevents you from using this slot.

Usable Power Slot: Minor Transformation

This is your usable power slot. Each power you can allocate to this slot has different conditions for its use. Your Master has a very cruel sense of humor, and has determined that following your initial transformation (the claw), you can only perform transformations that rhyme with each other. So unless you figure out something that rhymes with "claw", you're SOL.

Usable Armor Slot: Tie-Dye Robes (stained with blood)

This is your usable armor slot. This slot is used for items that would theoretically protect you, if you weren't being made to wear these hideous robes as a humiliating punishment.

Usable Bauble Slot: (empty)

This is your usable bauble slot. You don't know what this is for yet.

Usable Knick-knack Slot: (empty)

This is your usable knick-knack slot. You don't know what this is for yet, either.

Usable Holy Symbol Slot: (empty)

This is your usable holy symbol slot. No, you don't have any idea.

Usable Container Slot: Rogue's Rucksack

This is your usable container slot. The item placed here determines the system by which you manage your inventory, as well as the total items that you can carry in your inventory.

The Rogue's Rucksack is a semi-sentient bag made out of boomslang skin. In order to store or withdraw items, you have to perform a dirty limerick about them. You can't use the same limerick twice, and if you mess up the meter, the Rucksack will forcibly expel all the items which it currently contains.

The Rucksack is capable of holding five items. There is currently cave moss stored in it.

Magical Index Slot: Master (not currently accessible)

This is your magical index slot - the item placed here determines the system by which you manage and allocate your powers. Yours is your Master. Your Master is not currently here, and even if your Master were, you lose and gain powers according to whim. Your Master is not a system that you really have any control over.

>I'm going to assume that transforming our hand into organic chainsaw is not covered under Minor Transformation.

That depends. Does "organic chainsaw" rhyme with "claw"?

>Pretend to be unconscious.

You pretend to be unconscious. You're very, very good at this. It's a necessary survival tactic.

The footsteps draw closer. You can hear the cave troll salivating. It's prodding at you with one of its greasy, putrid mandibles.

What do you do?

>

edited 7th Apr '14 3:24:48 PM by ShadowWarden

Inceptiond from the deadly progression of moon and stars
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:26:09 PM

>Avoid moving. While doing so, examine your own gender and appearance.

"Doki Doki Lit. Club" is a happy game where nothing bad happens. seriously tho? not for the faint of heart.
Prometheus136 What's eatin' you, chief? from Yoknapatawpha County Relationship Status: It's so nice to be turned on again
What's eatin' you, chief?
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:28:45 PM

>Consume horse feces and nail your left foot to the floor

War is God.
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:40:40 PM

>Avoid moving. While doing so, examine your own gender and appearance.

Examine? No need to examine something that you're intimately familiar with! You are male! Going by appearance - at least, physical appearance - you look female. The disparity creates no small amount of dysphoria, although this is honestly one of your lesser concerns at present. You are also covered in a variety of very interesting and gruesome scars courtesy of your Master. You have light brown skin, hazel eyes, and curly, disheveled brown hair. You are also very grimy and dirty.

>Consume horse feces and nail your left foot to the floor.

The taste of the feces fills your mouth. You've been so hungry. You can't believe you finally get to eat something. Nailing your left foot to the floor is honestly a small price to pay for it. You hammer the spike in with glee, scarcely noticing the pain...

...it takes you a second or two to bring your mind back to the present, and out of the hallucination.

Come on. You have to focus.

The cave troll grabs you by the hair and starts dragging you down the tunnel.

What do you do?

>

edited 7th Apr '14 4:25:40 PM by ShadowWarden

Inceptiond from the deadly progression of moon and stars
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:44:02 PM

>Carve up the troll's hand with your claw

"Doki Doki Lit. Club" is a happy game where nothing bad happens. seriously tho? not for the faint of heart.
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:46:13 PM

>Carve up the troll's hand with your claw

As mentioned, you cannot access your usable item slot while immobilized by the vines.

What do you do?

>

Inceptiond from the deadly progression of moon and stars
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:50:06 PM

>While being pulled, scoot over to a sharp rock to cut the vines.

"Doki Doki Lit. Club" is a happy game where nothing bad happens. seriously tho? not for the faint of heart.
Apr 7th 2014 at 3:53:57 PM

>While being pulled, scoot over to a sharp rock to cut the vines.

You snag a nearby stalagmite. It jabs painfully into your rib - every time the cave troll yanks your hair, it just drives deeper into your side. Your tie-dye robes sustain another tear, you sustain another wound, but the vines snap.

You are no longer immobilized.

You have access to your usable item slot.

The cave troll reaches down to tie the vines back together.

What do you do?

>

edited 7th Apr '14 3:54:13 PM by ShadowWarden

Bisected8 I'll smile after my third coffee. from Her Hackette Cave Relationship Status: I only want you gone
I'll smile after my third coffee.
Apr 7th 2014 at 4:16:10 PM

Spit the remains of the horse manure into the troll's eyes.

TV Tropes's No. 1 bread themed lesbian.
Apr 7th 2014 at 4:28:10 PM

>Spit the remains of the horse manure into the troll's eyes.

You don't actually have horse manure in your mouth. You do, however, have the remnants of someone else's vomit stuck in there - so that works out just fine.

PTOOIE!

The cave troll recoils in shock, spitting curses and trying to claw the disgusting mess off of its face.

The Rogue's Rucksack misinterprets the noise as a mangled limerick and forcibly ejects cave moss into the cave troll's face, giving it the rough appearance of an overgrown garden gnome covered in bird excrement.

What do you do?

>

MicoolTNT A Wandering Soul from 'straya, m8 Relationship Status: Too sexy for my shirt
A Wandering Soul
Apr 7th 2014 at 5:09:44 PM

Run for my life! And if I can get far enough ahead, set a couple of traps to slow the troll down.

"And beneath the distant stars, Emperor's Light shall cover us..."
Inceptiond from the deadly progression of moon and stars
Apr 7th 2014 at 5:55:34 PM

>Use your claw to permanently blind the troll and flee at top speed

"Doki Doki Lit. Club" is a happy game where nothing bad happens. seriously tho? not for the faint of heart.
OmegaShadowcry Forlorn and Forsaken from The Arena Relationship Status: Drift compatible
Forlorn and Forsaken
Apr 7th 2014 at 6:51:32 PM

>Turn Claw into chainsaw, and slash troll.

Because rhyming.

"The Stick has sentimental value. It's like an enormous, hideous teddy bear we can kill things with." -rikalous
Apr 8th 2014 at 12:22:43 AM

>Run for my life! And if I can get far enough ahead, set a couple of traps to slow the troll down.

You start running for it, but unfortunately, cave trolls have really good hearing and smell. They also move really, really fast. So you're not really gaining much ground...

>Use your claw to permanently blind the troll and flee at top speed

...so you swipe at it in an effort to make it slow down.

You acquire two cave troll eyes.

Gross.

>Turn Claw into chainsaw, and slash troll.

Claw, chainsaw.

Valid rhyme.

Your right hand transforms, and you slash at the cave troll. It dodges aside.

The chainsaw wouldn't have done much damage anyway. It looks as if it's not currently on. The ripcord protrudes from your wrist, waiting to be pulled.

What do you do?

>


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