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FOFD Since: Apr, 2013
#1: Nov 13th 2013 at 9:26:46 AM

A thread for opening lines, since they hook you into the fic you're reading.

Fan fics tend to get off easier than published works since most fans aren't reading for hooks. AU, OC, OOC, SI, het, crack, Yaoi, this pairing, that pairing, these things are usually given off in the summary to draw the reader in.

edited 11th Mar '14 6:45:02 PM by FOFD

Coheed The Crowing... caw, caw from Canada Since: Jul, 2013
The Crowing... caw, caw
#2: Nov 15th 2013 at 6:51:51 AM

In the years to come, when the Changeover had taken place (or ‘the Turnaround’ or ‘the Descent’, or ‘the Ascent’ or ‘the Reckoning’, or whichever sanitised, Ministry-approved epigram was doing the rounds that week), when the Great Scaledown and the unstoppable rise of the Neogens had led to a new population of Beast Warriors, and when a thirst for answers and a near-hysterical desire to dispel the shadow of Reductionism had forced Maximal scholars to retrace their dark ancestral steps, it would be decided that the Beginning of the End started on 1st December 2012 – and it started with a whimper, not a bang.

The little pieces of world building, and just the sentence structure alone makes this greatly appeals to me. That and the Hollow Men quote makes it all complete.

I've only really written one fanfic... but you can find it here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8476612/1/After-the-Fall
Iaculus Pronounced YAK-you-luss from England Since: May, 2010
Pronounced YAK-you-luss
#3: Nov 16th 2013 at 1:58:37 PM

[up]Bit turgid. Shorter sentences, please. They're easier to digest.

What's precedent ever done for us?
FOFD Since: Apr, 2013
#4: Nov 17th 2013 at 8:34:48 AM

Not a lot of fan fics with good opening lines I take it.

This one's from Honor Trip:

Sparks of lightning filled the air as the two strongest warriors on Earth dueled to their maximum.

The fic starts from the end of the Cell Saga, and this is pretty much what everyone saw and probably thought while watching a teenage boy battle a supervillain for the fate of earth. It does a good job of demonstrating the powers at work here also.

edited 20th Nov '13 6:27:18 AM by FOFD

Kernigh Since: Sep, 2012
#5: Nov 17th 2013 at 12:00:17 PM

Short lines are easier to remember, isn't that so? Then the most memorable opening line is the one from Home with the Fairies:

I panicked.

Coheed The Crowing... caw, caw from Canada Since: Jul, 2013
The Crowing... caw, caw
#6: Nov 18th 2013 at 10:25:06 AM

What separates fanfics from novels in terms of opening lines? I hadn't really taken notice of it, but is it really that fanfics have bad openings or are we just associating the two because there tends to be a large amount of badly written material in fanfics.

I've only really written one fanfic... but you can find it here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8476612/1/After-the-Fall
Iaculus Pronounced YAK-you-luss from England Since: May, 2010
Pronounced YAK-you-luss
#7: Nov 19th 2013 at 9:10:21 AM

[up]Yeah, it's simply a consequence of Sturgeon's Law being largely unfiltered by a publishing process, and of the really good writers with the immaculately-crafted opening lines being talented enough that they're making money from their work rather than writing non-profit fanfics.

What's precedent ever done for us?
Hyp3rB14d3 Since: Jan, 2001
#8: Nov 19th 2013 at 10:42:44 AM

Here's one from a novel.

The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault.

It's a rather good hook.

Karalora Since: Jan, 2001
#9: Nov 19th 2013 at 12:00:40 PM

I'm currently working on a crossover fanfic which opens:

So then. Parallel universes.

Cganale (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#10: Nov 19th 2013 at 2:02:24 PM

I usually try to do good openers in my stuff. At least, sometimes.

Iaculus Pronounced YAK-you-luss from England Since: May, 2010
Pronounced YAK-you-luss
#11: Nov 19th 2013 at 5:19:03 PM

Anyway, here's a few that stood out for me:

From Resonance Days - striking, if a bit melodramatic:

Oblivion was dying, and nobody knew except for her and the person she hated the most.

From Chaos Theory - establishes the premise in a fun, engaging way:

You would be shocked how little difference there actually is between most alternate universes.

From Egg Belly - more of an opening paragraph, but it still fits together nicely:

As most things do, it started with sex. Of course, there was more to it then that- all sorts of things had happened to make it possible, and there were many, many relationship-related problems and good-natured shenanigans from their friends to deal with, but the thing everyone remembers is that there was sex involved at one point or another.

What's precedent ever done for us?
Madrugada Since: Jan, 2001
#12: Nov 19th 2013 at 5:43:39 PM

I like just the opening sentence you quoted from Egg Belly. The next sentence is nice, but "As most things do, it started with sex." is a great opening line by itself. It has the same kind of hook that Jim Butcher's "The building was on fire and it wasn't my fault." does.

edited 19th Nov '13 5:44:42 PM by Madrugada

CDRW Since: May, 2016
#13: Nov 19th 2013 at 11:05:34 PM

I swear to god, it was a surprise fear boner.

Especially interesting considering the fanfiction wasn't actually porn. Unfortunately, the rest of it sucked.

EvaUnit01 Fandom Heretic Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: Complex: I'm real, they are imaginary
Fandom Heretic
#14: Nov 19th 2013 at 11:05:34 PM

To be honest, I personally have never really given much thought to opening lines.

As long as I have a good opening page, or a good summary (or, once posted to ffnet, even just a good opening chapter), I'm satisfied. </lazy>

Leaper Since: May, 2009
#15: Nov 19th 2013 at 11:44:33 PM

@11: Unfortunately, the then/than mistake sort of sets off my prescriptivist pet peeve. (Of course, after I thought about it for a moment, I'd probably keep reading, since it's an easy typo to make, and may not necessarily indicate lack of knowledge/caring.)

Nagneto Master Of Malcontent from Temple Of The Damned Since: Oct, 2013
Master Of Malcontent
#16: Nov 21st 2013 at 10:53:59 AM

I love a good opening. I've found a good opening bit can help to illustrate the writer's skill level.

The opening should grab you and make you want to keep reading. If done well it can set the tone of the piece, and give you an insight into the themes.

Your mileage may vary, but here's an opening line from a dead fic of mine:

"Secrets. There are many things under the sun, many more hidden from it."

The story itself was about Team 8 wandering into a beautiful void in another dimension.

edited 21st Nov '13 11:04:30 AM by Nagneto

One man's heresy is another man's entire way of life
EvaUnit01 Fandom Heretic Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: Complex: I'm real, they are imaginary
Fandom Heretic
#17: Nov 21st 2013 at 12:37:54 PM

Looked over some of my stuff to see if I actually had any decent opening lines, and the best I could come up with was this:

While Yuuno Scrya was, naturally, concerned about the guns aimed at his face, he did an excellent job of not showing it.
The fic is... basically Lyrical Nanoha meets Indiana Jones, by way of Mobile Fighter G Gundam. <Beat> Man, I really need to pick that one up again, maybe give it a slight overhaul....

More of an "opening second paragraph", but does this count?

Not only did I have my grueling studies and Madame Nonsense Haruhi to deal with, but then I wound up with a frost giant sitting on my head, and then I found out that my fiancée-slash-stalker magically went bald, and that of course meant that I had to go kick dwarven butt until they agreed to restore her hair, and then I had to go and put the fear of me in my not-half-brother for… what, the fifth time now? And I still haven't had time to do my homework yet…

I'm Kyon, by the way.

FOFD Since: Apr, 2013
#18: Nov 21st 2013 at 1:34:20 PM

[up][up]

See, there's the power of the opening line. I want to read that now and see if the narrative tone holds. A story having to do with a beautiful void. Its mysterious, its shady.

[up]

I don't think that's the Mighty Thor Kyon, or is it? Either way, it fits Kyon's voice. Dramatic exposition, followed by an abrupt greeting from our narrator. I like it. What I like about Haruhi is how it can start off so urban, then shift back and forth from the supernatural side without missing a beat.

In other words, that strikes me as a very "Kyon" line.

edited 22nd Nov '13 9:18:29 AM by FOFD

EvaUnit01 Fandom Heretic Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: Complex: I'm real, they are imaginary
Fandom Heretic
#19: Nov 21st 2013 at 9:44:43 PM

I don't think that's the Mighty Thor, or is it?
Yes, it so totally is The Mighty Kyon.

Sadly, however, it stalled at the prologue and I haven't been able to find the right mojo to work on it again.

Nitramy Evil-Smiting Umbrella from Antipolo City, PH Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: YOU'RE TEARING ME APART LISA
Evil-Smiting Umbrella
#20: Nov 22nd 2013 at 5:33:25 AM

Dobby relished his groinsaw's roar as he withdrew the flesh-choked blade from the astronaut's ruined skull.

Neither goony beard-men nor rainbow-haired she-twinks will stand in the way of my dreams!
JapaneseTeeth Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing from Meinong's jungle Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Mu
Existence Weighed Against Nonbeing
#21: Nov 22nd 2013 at 7:23:31 AM

I tend to put more weight on the opening scene as a whole than the opening lines. Good ones can help catch the reader, yeah, but it doesn't matter how clever the opening line is if the resultant scene isn't interesting.

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Nagneto Master Of Malcontent from Temple Of The Damned Since: Oct, 2013
Master Of Malcontent
#22: Nov 24th 2013 at 8:02:58 PM

@FOFD, Awesome! If you'd like to read the rest of it, it's here. Thanks!

http://nagneto.deviantart.com/art/The-Secret-Of-Wilhelm-Wood-Off-The-Path-Ch-2-358815690?ga_submit_new=10%253A1385352124&ga_type=edit&ga_changes=1

One man's heresy is another man's entire way of life
Hyp3rB14d3 Since: Jan, 2001
#23: Nov 24th 2013 at 11:10:50 PM

Here's the best one I've ever used.

"They were calling me by that name again," said Tatewaki Kuno, masked vigilante of the lawless region known as the Nerima district of Tokyo.

Gideoncrawle Elder statesman from Put out to pasture Since: Dec, 2012 Relationship Status: With my statistically significant other
Elder statesman
#24: Dec 4th 2013 at 10:37:04 PM

Here's one from a fanfic of mine with a For Want Of A Nail premise:

A few seconds more or less can have profound and far-reaching effects.

edited 4th Dec '13 10:40:01 PM by Gideoncrawle

Bigotry in the name of inclusion is still bigotry.
FOFD Since: Apr, 2013
#25: Mar 11th 2014 at 6:40:02 PM

"You are aware that you will cease to exist?"


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