"What the—? Lemme take a look." (I lean over and get an out-of-control bowling ball to the head) "Hey, look, now they're catching a ride with some birdies!" (thud)
Waiter! My soup appears to be comprised of a twisted little body, a bone, a severed hand, and lots and lots of blood! If not for this anchor I'd be dancing between the stars. At least I can try to write better vampire stories than Twilight.
Sorry sir we appear to have gotten your order mixed up with those robed fellows who ordered the "cultist ritual special", we'll correct this right away.
Waiter! There is a Dovahkin in my soup!
Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.We couldn't afford real dragon meat, so that'll have to do. FUS RO DAH!
Waiter! There's an Ensemble Dark Horse in my soup!
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying insideI’ll tell the fanbase about it.
Waiter, there’s a Sphere Doomer possessing my soup bowl!
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.I'll go get Kirby. (comes back with this
◊)
Waiter! There's mescaline in my soup, and I only noticed when I tasted it!
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.Oh, that? That's the Incense and Peppermints special. You should've turned off, tuned in, and read the menu more closely instead of treating it like meaningless nouns.
Waiter! There's a Commodore VIC-20 in my soup!
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying insideGoddammit, we were supposed to update that 20 years ago!
Waiter, there's a strange taste of diabetic piss in this soup... don't ask me how I know what diabetic piss tastes like.
Who are the ones that we kept in charge? Killers, thieves, and lawyers. God's away, god's away, god's away on business... business.Well, I didn’t put it there. When in doubt, launch it into the sun.
Waiter, there’s a Devourer Of Gods in my soup!
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.I know. We have a complaint there are too many gods in opur food.
Waiter! There's Titenic in my soup!
Jump in, you might find an egg wizard.
Waiter, the Devourer Of Gods from earlier is fighting Supreme Calamitas, and it’s getting soup all over the place!
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.Here's your complementary popcorn. I should have brought it out with your soup, but I forgot. My mistake.
Waiteeeerrrrr! There's a Queen album in my soup!
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying insideJust shut up and PRAISE GERALDO.
Waiter! There's talcum powder in my soup, and lots of it! Whatever did I do to the chefs to deserve this?
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying insideLet me just blow off some of the powder, wash the soup with soap, water and paint thinner and you're all set. Alternatively I can bring you a new soup while you use the one you have on your baby.
Waiter! There's tert-butyl hydroperoxide in my soup!
I'm no longer a forumgoer. Please contact me through Discord instead.Well, don’t touch it.
Waiter, somebody made a religion out of my soup!
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.Are they discordians? If so, it's probably a joke, but if not, run.
Waiter! The Pimp Your Ride meme is in my soup!
The possum is a potential perpetrator; he did place possum poo in the plum pot.That’s probably random, but just in case, call the SCP Foundation about sentient soup.
Waiter, I broke my soup bowl and CD-i Link came out.
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.WOW I'm so hungry I could eat an Octorok! *Gulps down soup*
Waiter! There's a bunch of obscure references in my soup!
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying insideThat bowl of liquid isn't soup, sir. It's a small reference pool.
Waiter! There is a unicorn horn in my soup!
Oh, that’s because you ordered the glass shard soup. Just eat it and you’ll see what I mean.
Waiter, somebody’s trying to kill SCP-682 in my soup!
How unfortunate that you are attempting to deceive me.

Well, you did order the Jerry Garcpacho. Be grateful, you cheapo.
Waiter! There's snails bowling in my bisque!
Edited by CustardAndPie on Aug 24th 2018 at 11:33:39 AM
Hey how you doing well I'm doing just fine I lied I'm dying inside