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Laconic Description Improvement

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For a list of bad laconics, see Sandbox.Pages Needing Better Laconics.

For generally accepted guidelines for laconics, see Sandbox.Laconic Wiki Template.


Today I found out an interesting fact from troper Ironeye:

Don't ever make the mistake of using the Laconic version as the canonical trope meaning—the laconics are often written by people who don't actually understand the drop. In this case, the laconic only corresponds to one possible cause of Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy.

The Laconic Description for DIAA states as follows:

The thing is, these descriptions are supposed to make it easier to understand what the page is about. If they can't be accurate as well as short and sweet, then there's a problem.

So for starters, what would be a better description for DIAA?

Edited by MacronNotes on Jan 29th 2023 at 6:23:45 AM

Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
the "Retromancer"
#2826: Mar 10th 2024 at 12:27:15 AM

Laconic.Maria No Danzai: You've heard of dead mom, now get ready for vengeful mom.

That doesn't really make much sense. Suggestion:

TroperWall / WikiMagic Cleanup
petersohn from Earth, Solar System (Long Runner) Relationship Status: Hiding
Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
the "Retromancer"
#2829: Mar 11th 2024 at 3:00:11 AM

Laconic.Sailor Moon: Defining example of the Magical Girl Warrior genre.

That doesn't mean anything. Suggestion:


Laconic.Captain Fishman: In a world of heroes and villains, there is always a hero or villain who's themed around aquatic life and the ocean.

Too much prose. The descrition also does not mention villains. Suggestion:

  • Aquatic-themed superhero


Laconic.Tower Of God: A young boy stumbles upon the many characters, mysteries, worlds, and dangers that inhabit a vast, massive Evil Tower of Ominousness.

Too vauge. Also the titular Tower isn't a literal tower. Suggestion:

Edited by Amonimus on Mar 11th 2024 at 5:12:22 PM

TroperWall / WikiMagic Cleanup
MyFinalEdits Delete message from Parts Unknown (Spin-off Series) Relationship Status: Cast away
Delete message
#2830: Mar 11th 2024 at 11:53:01 AM

[up]I support those suggestions.

135 -> 180 -> 273 -> 191 -> 188 -> 230 -> 300 -> 311
CanuckMcDuck1 PEPSIMAN from Japan Since: Sep, 2023 Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
PEPSIMAN
#2831: Mar 20th 2024 at 6:18:15 PM

bumping this inquiry with a possible replacement:

A couple of grifters try to outwit a mob boss and the FBI in 1930s Illinois.

Do not mess with creatures which you do not understand.
Spellbrand Since: May, 2023
#2832: Mar 21st 2024 at 1:03:53 AM

I finished every mainlline Lyrical Nanoha laconics, including StrikerS Sound Stage X. Feel free to share your opinion if interested.

namsan Likes video games Since: May, 2013
Likes video games
#2833: Mar 21st 2024 at 2:36:24 AM

Thin Blue Line: A Pro-Police Comic Book for a Defund The Police era.

I don't think it explains anything, since we don't know what actually "Pro-Police" means. Anyone can make this description better?

petersohn from Earth, Solar System (Long Runner) Relationship Status: Hiding
#2834: Mar 21st 2024 at 2:48:20 AM

[up]I don't know the comic, but reading the description the following might be more accurate:

A policewoman and a mayor trying to survive in an anarchist uprising.

Fjón þvæ ég af mér fjanda minna rán og reiði ríkra manna.
Spellbrand Since: May, 2023
#2835: Mar 21st 2024 at 5:15:46 AM

Girls' Frontline:

Kantai Collection, but with anthropomorphised firearms and an actual plot.


Commander, please visit the unabridged version here.

Too reliant on comparison with Kancolle (which is no longer relevant imo) and doesn't explain anything. My version:


You direct a PMC consisting of humanlike guns trying to survive in a Crapsack World full of conflicts.
Become a shining beacon in the brave new world here.

MyFinalEdits Delete message from Parts Unknown (Spin-off Series) Relationship Status: Cast away
Delete message
#2836: Mar 21st 2024 at 9:30:52 AM

[up]I support it.

135 -> 180 -> 273 -> 191 -> 188 -> 230 -> 300 -> 311
DoktorvonEurotrash Lex et Veritas from Not a place of honour (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#2838: Mar 22nd 2024 at 1:45:08 PM

Laconic.Cute Witch has the laconic "An adorable witch.", which is flat-out wrong (it's supposed to be a subclass of Magical Girl, and the oldest form of that genre) and is probably contributing to the Trope Decay of the trope.

Unfortunately, I'm not particularly well versed in Magical Girl anime. My suggestion is "A witch-themed Magical Girl who (tries to) use(s) her magic to solve the problems of people around her", but I'll be happy for any improvements.

Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
the "Retromancer"
#2839: Mar 22nd 2024 at 1:56:36 PM

[up] Thinking that's good enough for now until further suggestions.

TroperWall / WikiMagic Cleanup
wingedcatgirl mys. minty from the silly dimension from lurking (Holding A Herring) Relationship Status: Oh my word! I'm gay!
mys. minty from the silly dimension
#2840: Mar 23rd 2024 at 8:38:33 PM

Laconic.Super Drowning Skills is currently "Swims like a brick." which is not helpful at all. Any better ideas?

Suddenly I'm... still rotating Fallen London in my mind even though I've stopped actively playing it.
CanuckMcDuck1 PEPSIMAN from Japan Since: Sep, 2023 Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
PEPSIMAN
#2841: Mar 23rd 2024 at 8:47:55 PM

What about:

A character can’t swim for their life. Literally.

Do not mess with creatures which you do not understand.
IronAnimation Since: Jan, 2012
#2842: Mar 23rd 2024 at 9:32:05 PM

I actually think "Swims like a brick" is a fairly accurate description, although i guess the concept is more broad than drowning via dropping like lead.

"Instantly Drowning" seems like a simple enough change if you think it needs to be broadened.

Edited by IronAnimation on Mar 23rd 2024 at 9:37:43 AM

Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
the "Retromancer"
#2843: Mar 23rd 2024 at 9:45:19 PM

"Swims like a brick." is one of the most known idioms in English, though "Drowns instantly." is more clearer while meaning the same.

TroperWall / WikiMagic Cleanup
WarJay77 It's NaNo, Bay-beeee! (8,356/50,000) from My Writing Cave (Troper Knight) Relationship Status: Armed with the Power of Love
It's NaNo, Bay-beeee! (8,356/50,000)
#2844: Mar 23rd 2024 at 9:46:26 PM

"Drowns instantly" is clearer, though I think the current is funnier. I don't think it's that hard to understand, either.

Working on: Author Appeal | Sandbox | Troper Wall
IronAnimation Since: Jan, 2012
#2845: Mar 24th 2024 at 7:27:13 AM

^ in agreement with that.

I think let's just keep it is as is. It's not really doing any harm and is descriptive enough while being idiomatic.

Edited by IronAnimation on Mar 24th 2024 at 7:29:40 AM

DoktorvonEurotrash Lex et Veritas from Not a place of honour (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#2846: Mar 24th 2024 at 10:12:06 AM

Keep it; it's already good.

EDIT: Have changed Laconic.Cute Witch upon discussion, if anyone has any suggestions for improvement, please bring them up.

Edited by DoktorvonEurotrash on Mar 24th 2024 at 10:14:42 AM

CanuckMcDuck1 PEPSIMAN from Japan Since: Sep, 2023 Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
PEPSIMAN
#2847: Mar 24th 2024 at 10:13:18 PM

Got a suggestion for Uncharted, given it’s place on a list of sandboxes needing improvement above:

Bold treasure-hunter goes on globe-spanning adventures while finding his Family of Choice.

Do not mess with creatures which you do not understand.
Amonimus the "Retromancer" from <<|Wiki Talk|>> (Sergeant) Relationship Status: In another castle
the "Retromancer"
#2848: Mar 31st 2024 at 11:22:36 PM

Is it understandable? Perhaps: "A vaguely explained special substance as a Plot Device"

Edited by Amonimus on Apr 1st 2024 at 3:31:11 PM

TroperWall / WikiMagic Cleanup
DoktorvonEurotrash Lex et Veritas from Not a place of honour (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#2849: Apr 1st 2024 at 5:26:52 AM

[up]I prefer your version. (Typo check, though: it should be "vaguely".)

Diesel Konstruktor Since: Jun, 2013 Relationship Status: Abstaining
Konstruktor
#2850: Apr 1st 2024 at 2:52:20 PM

[up][up] and [up][up][up]: both are good replacement laconic descriptions. I find the current laconic for Applied Phlebotinum confusing, because "Soft science material fuel" can be interpreted to mean the trope describes a literal fuel source, rather than a metaphorical one.

I noticed that the laconic description for And Then There Were None calls it "Ten Little Murder Victims: The Trope Codifier." Is this kind of laconic allowed?


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