Hero Critique Thread (Because it's about damn time for this too!)

Hooke sounds like a great Anti-Hero. I love how his greatest flaw is integral to the plot, rather than just the occasional stumbling block. Looks like you've got some good Character Development planned out, and a solid backstory, too. Overall, he feels like a real person. Amazing job!

I like Aquacampus, it looks like a more mundane Keldeo which make me like it. About she herself, dunno, she certainly sounds like someone that belongs to the franchise which make me like it, I like how she is a Weather user, it could lead to some cool fights. I dunno about her small team, the entire charm of the franchise is having teams so she, The Hero having only two Pokemon is, dunno, lame? I dont have any issue with it, is just that it could be better if she had other Pokemon and using them for her job, like she having a Alakazam that still had teleport to take pics and left , or even using a Rotomdex for combat (a lot of fans wish be able to use the Rotomdex for combat) and taking pics.

I mean, is Pokemon after all.

I guess that he is fine, but I am not really interesed on vigilante men with anger issues, giving them easy hateable targets just feels like lazy writing to me at best. Is not "bad" but is not something that could interest me. Vigilants are a problematic type of hero, and and the "anti" on Anti hero falls flat when all his kills are Hate Sink Complete Monster s.

edited 7th Jan '18 7:17:42 PM by KazuyaProta

Well, now is time for my Power Trio, I decided do the write up for all of them together instead of a individual one. They're on a world where All Myths Are True and gods are products of human collective wishes, in a period post post Apocalyptic, the apocalypse happened, society failed and eventually rebuilded itself. That's pretty much the Central Theme of the work, younger generations living with the consequences of the actions of their ancestors.

Meet our heroes.

Names: Brandon Harlaw , Misao Tsukiyama and Makoto Takeyama.

Age:

17 yeals of old, Misao is the oldest being born at December 21' of the year 78 of the New Age, Bran was born at February 30' of the year 79 and Makoto is the youngest by being born on March 15' of the same year.

Appareance:

-Bran is a pretty boy leaning to cute over sexy, he is a redhead of white Western Appareance (Bran is a Canadian descendent).

-Misao is a Raven Hair, Ivory Skin (drawed as purple due to the artstyle) in a Hime Cut and Asian traits, she's a Asian descendent, her skin looks sick and had bags in the eyes due to a unhealthy lifestyle, she is still attractive, something that actually get lampshaded (Misao is attractive, she's just too shy and socially akward).

-Makoto is similar to Misao, a somewhat sickly person with Asian traits, pale skin and dark hair but he is healthier than Misao and more athletic than her. He is slighty taller than Brandon.

Backstory:

-Bran is from the city or Bachilea, he was raised for his parents a stable and loving yet overworked family that showed their affection constantly, Bran is the "healthier" of the main trio by virtue of having a totally functional family, Bran discovered the Other Side, the place where demons live thanks to one of his friends, Mary Blackwood, who already knew it, Bran' other best friend is Makoto Takeyama, who was the leader of the team of Mary, Bran and Makoto already had a bond before that, but the discovery of Makoto' real identity actually stronged it despite the power difference (Makoto is the strongest human of the Other Side, Bran is average leaning to good). Bran' character is defined for his I Want My Beloved to Be Happy Choice of becoming the Matchmaker of Mary and her Love Interest Jonathan Henkel, Bran want make his loved ones happy, Bran just want make everyone happy.

-Makoto' parents died when he was a newborn, his uncle raised him always telling him of his parents, while his uncle was certainly as good as possibly, his job as journalist (and a popular one, he's beloved for being a countercultural journalist that is willing to recognize when "the man" does something good) took too much time from him, turning Makoto into a Lonely Rich Kid that didn't trusted anyone, at least until the last year when he found the Other Side,, bonded with his demon partner and get a bunch of True Companions, at least until the ending of that year, where his Girlfriend did a Heroic Sacrifice to save the world. Basically Makoto is The Hero living after his story had ended. And that's without going into his real nature

-Misao is Makoto' Romantic False Lead, she is a shy girl socially akward that is still affected for the domestic abuse of her mother (her father stopped her as soon he discovered the truth and acussed her,sending her to jail and eventually divorcing her, but the trauma was already in Misao' memories), she Become Caroline' (the girl that will eventually become Makoto' girlfriend and will sacrifice herself to save the world) best friend and then befriended Makoto, she developed a crush on him but she didn't do anything because she realized that Caroline was the best choice for Makoto (just like what Bran did with Mary and Jonathan ). Now that Caroline is dead, she's in a emotional low point, her best friend is dead and she want avoid contact with Makoto because she don't want remind her feelings towards him.

Personality:

-Bran is polite and socially akward, he's a people pleaser that just want everyone to be happy, he's prone to doing jokes and making bad puns. He is a Nice Guy that just treats everyone kindly... Because he is Knight in Sour Armor cynical as fuck, Bran is genuinely nice, but he believes that Humans Are Bastards and that Hobbes Was Right without social customs, humans would be killing each other fighting for supremacy. How is phrased depend of how he is feeling, albeit, after meeting Mary and growing from his "edgelord phase", Bran view changes more to believing that Humans Are Flawed and that we need change our "human nature" to be better, basically the same worldview but slightly less cynical. Bran believes that without social customs, then we would be killing each other, but that don't means that he will accept all social codes, he is willing to social changes, just that he's a utilitarian whose goal is making everyone happy. He frequently clash with Makoto, because while both are teenagers that are interested on social reform, their attitude with it is pretty different.

-Makoto is a loner with a Rebellious Spirit, always mistrusting of groups unless he had meet them personally and judged them as good, he is a Deadpan Snarker that is used to get into Snark-to-Snark Combat with others, mainly his (now dead) girlfriend Caroline and Brandon, which become his best friends because those snark duels. A Running Gag is him acussing all types of authoritarianism from being Nazis, only to be corrected for Brandon (which become Harder In Hindsight when Makoto starts supporting Social Darwinism and the idea of constant wars). He values his True Companions more than anything else in the world, his Start of Darkness is when he gets attacked for actual goverments figures, being forced to side with demons trying to Take Over the World...and actually, genuinely befriending them, it would be great if it wasnt that demons are awful culturally, demons support a bizarre hybrid of feudalism and Social darwinism based on pseudo Objetivist ideas, Makoto eventually rise as their new King and while he tries to reform them to be kinder (who he actually does partially, demons learn to how actually convive with humans and most of their crimes product of their Blue-and-Orange Morality are gone) ultimately, Makoto ends up embracing their beliefs, going to be the "Maddest of the mad", taking their already extreme ideas Up To Eleven. Makoto is the darkest incarnation of The Power of Friendship that I have created.

-Misao is a Shy Girl that still lives with the memories of the abuse at hands of her mother, her shyness had turn her into a target for bullying in highschool, a role that she had for years until she befriended Caroline and Makoto, who protected her and helped her into develop actual self esteem. However, Misao already had a strong will and know where to stand, while she accepted abuse from her classmates, she never tried to befriend them by accepting their abuse, she is also harder to manipulate than expected, as Manipulator Abel Seraph (that had the Modus Operandi of using girls with abusive backgrounds) discovered, because Misao can see over his bullshit. Her arc is about learning to love herself and fighting everyone that tries to abuse others in any way. Misao had already suffered abuse, and she wouldnt accept it anymore even if she isnt the victim, because she had decided not be the victim anymore.

edited 7th Jan '18 8:52:10 PM by KazuyaProta

These are good characters with interesting backstories. Great job adding some conflict between them, too. I also like your interesting take on The Power of Friendship. Might want to be careful of giving Misao a case of Informed Attractiveness, though.

As for April's Pokemon team, Roserade and Aquacampus aren't her only Pokemon, just her main ones. I haven't figured out what her entire team will be ^note since I'm making a region up and haven't made all the Fakemon yet, though you do bring up some interesting ideas. I hadn't thought of Mundane Utility.

I see, yeah, I hope to see her team, This is Pokemon after all.

Also, Misao is closer to Hollywood Homely, she is called ugly for lots of girls, only Brandon (that likes her because she looks like his favorite fictional characters -initially, because Brandon also becomes fond of Misao as a person -) straight up calls her beautiful

Well, Now I will put The Hero here, he is one of my ambitious characters , I really want see him become popular enought.

Name: Brandon Harlaw

Age: 15 in the prologue and the flashbacks, 16 in the main story, 17 at the end of the series

Personality: A kind guy, born from a normal, average family. His parents are workers in the capital who live with him, but due to their jobs Bran leaves alone in his house. He is a isolated, introverted person, with a good memory (he is a student in the best school of his city, one of the schools of the world. He manage to do one of the top students with almost no effort. He is the definition of Brilliant, but Lazy)

Abilities: Bran had a contract with the spiritual entity Flaemis, the elemental of fire to be his Holy Guardian (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Guardian_Angel). Obviously he can control the fire and had a resistence towards the heat. Like the other characters of the series, Brandon`s fightstyle is a extension of his personality, Bran is a Squishy Wizard who use his Guardian to be his melee fighter. Most of Flaemis attacks are fueled for the mana of Brandon who is extremely huge. Bran is also a smart guy with lots of knowledge on mythology, who in a world where All Myths Are True is super useful. He also had some basic healing spells.

Weaknesses: He had a low endurance towards pain, and without Flaemis or another spirit backing him, he is totally uncapable. Bran always needs someone at his side. He is dependient of others. And deep down he hate himself for that.

Goals: Be special. Find a reason to live. Be useful for someone...or something (Bran is bad at being alone, he needs something to believe, either a person who he love, or an ideology based in altruism and utilitarianism.). Ultimately, after his Character Development , he starts becoming the most pragmatic of the heroes, willing to do almost everything to save the world in his way, including screwing the flow of destiny and being willing to do a lot of questioble things, he mellows a bit after the Kingdom of the Old Gods fails but he still keep his Pragmatic Hero tendencies.

Motivation: He was introduced to the Underworld, a parallel world overlapped with his world who is a alternative version of his city filled with spirits and mythological creatures for his best friend Makoto Takeyama and Mary Blackwood, Bran`s crush who train him because she -in her own words- saw something special in his soul. Ultimately, Bran reason to enter the Underworld was to impress his crush. It failed. His current motivation now is enjoy the live the most who he can and help others to do it too...all of this while he waits to know the person who will fullfil him. Despite his intelligence and ocassional pessimism, Bran still had a very idealizated idea of relationships. He actually live without a goal while he try to find one in others.

Luckily for him, the angel Remiel is there for him...

And actually is good for him, if it was not for the eventual apocalypse uncoming and the awakening of the Dragon actually Remiel would had helped Bran to mature into a good adult. A mature hero.

Bran Main motivation is rooted in a fair shade of cynicism, he believes that everyone is willing to hurt each other, his attemps to kindness are his way to control that bastardry that he thinks is innate to humanity, he is a Nice Guy but he is far from a idealist.

Role in the story: The Protagonist, The Hero

Relevant Tropes:

Stepford Smiler and Stepford Snarker: A product of the of he being a Nice Guy and The Cynic , he jokes a lot but there is always a shade of depression on it.

Sour Supporter, Determined Defeatist and Knight in Sour Armor: Oh yes, he might be the most pessimistic of the three heroes, even more than Makoto to his surprise, but he is also the most heroic and The Heart to the group of Lawful Neutral Angels that he joined, he is the most empathetic and compassionate of the main cast but that dont stop him from being cynic about the world ("Why do you think that I want to change it? Because I like it but I want to make it better anyway!?...eh, maybe, but is still a pretty messy place").

Knight in Shining Armor: How he presents himself after his Character Development, especially after he joins the angels, which use him as propaganda piece for reclutement, he is closer to Priest than a Knight regarding clothes, but that dont stop others from calling him a "Knight of the Soul".

Light Is Good: He is associated with light and fire, his symbol is a flame of white fire stylized like a wing with an eye.

Tarot Motifs : He is associated with the Magician, Hierophant and Star arcanas.

Animal Motifs: Birds. Mainly The Phoenix (or more exactly, a Feng Huang) , obviously that include a Feather Motif

Eye Motifs: Like everyone else in the series. His symbol of a Wing of Fire had a eye on it.

Mythical Motifs: The Phoenix, a Feng Huang to be more specific.

All-Loving Hero: Ultimately, after his Character Development, he decides that everyone deserves paradise, no matter what their action have been, even a Complete Monster can be redeemed in a future life. That is why he becomes interesed on the angelical plan of a Assimilation Plot

edited 8th Jan '18 8:40:15 AM by KazuyaProta

Opinions?

What I can gather is that there's nothing that particularly stands out for him in terms of personality and motivation. I notice several problems in grammar and spelling, but I can understand what you're trying to convey. He's a pretty generic teenager, which is good enough to carry a story, but depending on how he shows his cynicism he may get preachy or annoying. Also, considering Assimilation Plot is a villainous trope, how are you going to make the audience to support his plan? Even Neon Genesis Evangelion has the world go to shit and the plan be from the villains when they try to play it as sympathetic.

That was harsh but expected, thanks.

About his plan, the whole thing is played as the only way to stop the constant bloodshed and given that the plan itself dont will kill anyone, there no really much to doubt to Bran besides that if it is possibly instaure it without violent opposition.

The Assimilation Plot is more The Singularity, because humans wouldn't lose all of their individuality, just enought to live relatively peaceful lives, of course, genuinely evil people will get it worse because they will need hard changes.

I honestly haven't tell all of Bran arc, but dunno if it really will change your opinion of him

Thanks anyway

Free will is very important to many people, and having a world be so bad that they need to sacrifice that is going to rub them the wrong way. Either they find the protagonist Holier Than Thou or it to be a Esoteric Happy Ending.

People dont really lose their free will, if anything, they get more freedom than they ever could imagine in this world.

For starters, you wouldnt have to fear being killed or harmed anymore, people will be always have their vital needs fullfilled so they could spend their times into the things that they like, most of the future is leave ambiguous because the entire story is a big literalistic Apocalypse story.

This is the thing about Bran, his entire Character Arc is a mix of both Silly Rabbit, Idealism Is for Kids! and Silly Rabbit, Cynicism Is for Losers! towards him, he get both of them because, well, Bran is too idealistic in some aspects and awfully cynic in others, the main part is that Bran had some things right in his worldview, but that there several things to fix.

edited 14th Jan '18 4:19:23 PM by KazuyaProta

So do we all become a hive mind? Is it a collective consciousness where the individual voices exist, but we can all hear each other's thoughts? I feel like some elaboration is needed here.

The result is not show on screen because the story ends right when that new system is instaturated.

The closer that I would say is that, well, Imagine Heaven.

Because that is the endgoal, Heaven On Earth, a lot of people that interpreted Heaven in different forms from being a single Big Soul to actually being independent souls living alongside in happiness. The ultimate dream for those who desire happiness, the Paradise.

edited 14th Jan '18 5:41:04 PM by KazuyaProta

Then, yeah, in the absence of a compelling reason otherwise, I'm perceiving this as an Esoteric Happy Ending, edging closer to The Bad Guy Wins. The "having more freedom" thing is striking me as a polite way of saying "Everyone's free to be whoever I want them to be," or "everyone's entitled to my opinion."

It's your story, but that's basically sounding like a Well-Intentioned Extremist extolling The Evils of Free Will, even if they "don't lose all of it."

Now, if it were phrased less as "you lose your individuality," and more "malice is purged from the world, people can have what they need to live a fulfilling life without harming each other," that might be more palatable, but it sounds like that's not quite what you're going for.

edited 14th Jan '18 6:20:59 PM by Dragon573

This whole premise sounds very, very Millennium Kingdom.

I think some people really do want this, to be free of the body and live in a spiritual realm with no evil. Just because it isn't what you value doesn't mean other readers (or viewers since I guess this is for a TV show idea) won't find it satisfying. One person's existential crisis is anothers' heaven I guess!!

But if everyone is forced to live that way, then you get a problem.

Some people find cliff-diving satisfying, too. Others find it horrifying. I'm not saying "no one is going to like it," just agreeing that this is may very well raise some hackles with the audience.

Heh, that's a good point. I guess the writer has to decide if having a potentially alienating ending is a risk worth running because it speaks to them more than the alternative, and then hope to draw a sympathetic audience.

• Name: Leon Erris
• Age: 15
• Personality: Leon Erris is a very troubled young man - he has a number of mental problems, from very disturbing dreams to his inability to value many people, seeing other people as inevitable betrayers with two exceptions. He believes he cannot show emotion or weakness - otherwise people will take advantage. His introduction to the Magic Using World shaped more of his behavior - he doesn't understand much of what is going on, but knows that this change has given him the power to avenge his beloved cousin's death and achieve some kind of justice that the mundane world utterly denied to him. Justice normally, he believes, is toothless - it requires supplementation by individuals like him, who supply violence and fear. Criminals, conspiracies, and the powerful need to be reminded in his point of view that they too are mortal. Leon does what he does to make sure even if he cannot have a normal life, that such CAN be given to his sister, and he hopes she never figures out what he truly is or what he does after dark. All the same, he is still an awkward teenager for the time being, and in his civilian identity, he often betrays several common young hangups, though often with their own iteration due to his nightly job.
• Abilities: Leon stumbled upon the Acheron Armor, a suit of Magitech Armor that gives him vastly amplified abilities such as speed, resilience and strength. He also uses a number of Magitech gadgets such as a grappling line, exploding thrown blades, and other such things related to scaling buildings, infiltration, and even gliding. His chief weapons are his Magitech Claws, titled the Tenet Noctis Infima Set, which strike fast and basically act like a taser on impact, making subsequent hits even easier.
• Weaknesses: Leon literally has no idea what he is doing. He is prone to running out of Mana and not knowing it, and has little idea of the intricacies of the world he stumbled into.
• Goals: Avenge his cousin and guarantee his sister is safe from criminals and conspiracies.
• Motivation: His parents were vile and abusive, and instilled in him a sense only individuals can stand up to a broken system, and that institutions start corrupt and get worse over time.
• Role in the story: Type IV or V Anti-Hero.
• Backstory: Leon Erris came from a very nasty family, which was knee deep in drugs and violence, and the only light in his life was his cousin David Erris and his little sister Elizabeth. Despite having nothing but disgust and hate for most other people, he adored his sister and his cousin for still being good to him even as his behavior worsened. However, his Hope Spot was shattered when David ran afoul of He Knows Too Much and was killed in a set up by a policeman. The officer was acquitted and David was smeared as a dangerous hooligan who deserved what he got. Leon, enraged, planned out a revenge scheme, but found a new bit of luck in the mean time. He took to scavenging around an old set of warehouses for food and supplies given his parents spent the money they earned mostly on drugs, and in the process little Leon stumbled upon a cache of Umbral Horde artifacts and armor, including the Acheron armor and his weapons. He decided to make use of them, converting the warehouse into a headquarters and using the armor and weapons to craft a persona as a vigilante. Oddly, he knew Caine before the Sanfield War, though Caine only told him something as an oblique reference to a certain song.
• Relevant Tropes:
• Abusive Parents: Poor, poor Leon. His parents would force him to go run out and give money for drugs, and even tried once to get him to make them some meth. Is it any wonder later on that Leon murdered them to jump start his vigilante career and identity?
• Anti-Hero: He is basically a type IV or V, while most of his targets are pretty bad, he uses torture on them, and is very brutal on those he feels deserve it. There's also the whole blooming psychopath thing.
• Arch-Enemy: His starting archfoe is the policeman who killed his cousin...but he then moves on to decide the head of the conspiracy was more fitting a personal foe.
• Asshole Victim: A lot of his targets are not very sympathetic people - the cop he went after bragged to Leon's face that as a cop he WAS justice, and insisted David needed to die just for not complying with "an order to lay down and respect the law". Leon proceeded to eviscerate the bastard, ending with shoving the officer's baton through the guy’s eye.
  • The Corrupt Corporate Executive he went after fit just as well, trying to buy off Leon and when that did not work, threatening the one bit of family he had left. Not a smart move.
  • Leon’s parents were drug abusing pieces of shit. Nobody and I do mean nobody will miss them.
• Bad Dreams: Leon has horrifying nightmares of bad things happening to his sister as well as flashbacks to his cousin’s murder.
• Catchphrase: “[Name], your death will bring fear to your fellow criminals!”
• Chains Of Commanding: He is not eager to know he now has an Umbral Horde unit, The Stygian Claws aka Umbral Horde Adjudis. “W-Why do these guys even want to follow me? I’m a kid!” They do however win him over by showing what an effect he’s had on them.
  • “Before you came into the picture, we were assumed to have no future but criminalism ourselves - but then you killed that CEO and skinned him, and we knew we had a future now. We could force the powerful to look at us not with condescension...but with fear.” They’re basically a group of fellow “directionless sociopaths” who decided they liked Leon’s screeds.
• Child Soldiers: Basically - he sees adults as lecherous, corrupt and given to self interest and preservation, so thus instead of trusting them he made himself into a child soldier and killer.
• Cold-Blooded Torture: As part of his revenge, due to the fact his cousin’s death was not swift nor was it merciful, he tortures those he holds responsible to death. Apart from the baton through the eye, its mentioned he flayed said Dirty Cop alive, did…something...to the guy’s crotch, and eviscerated his hands.
• Combat Pragmatist: And that is putting it lightly - his fighting style can best be described as driving the opponent half-mad with fear while slicing away at them in quick bursts. “You asked me what my fighting style was? Chop off an ear, a hand, disembowelment, goring an eye...and never letting him see what did this to him.”
• Creepy Child: Leon is still technically a kid - keep that in mind when you see the stuff he does to people who’ve hurt his loved one and those who’ve committed crimes and escaped justice for it. “You know, reading about the George Zimmerman case, I really think I should travel to Florida. That is a man who needs to have his eyes ripped out...ears chopped off.”
• Death Glare: Both in his vigilante identity and in his normal identity. You can generally tell if Leon has decided to hunt someone down he knows in day to day life and kill them by the look in his eyes.
• Decapitation Presentation: Among other things, he decapitates the CEO he was hunting, and put his head on his desk.
• Even Crazy Young Vigilantes Have Standards: Despite his actions, Leon won’t execute someone for another person’s crimes. “We don’t kill families for the crimes of one man. This is not what I stand for.”
• Fragile Speedster, though Lightning Bruiser to more mundane men: Leon’s armor makes him bafflingly fast, which helps him with his quest for vengeance immensely. And he does hit pretty hard...though, with other magic users in mind his damage dealing is not as spectacular as it looks.
• Friendless Background: Nobody cared to be friends with creepy little Leon except his dear cousin David and his little sister. Which made it hurt a lot when David died.
• Genre Savvy: He actually researched Caine’s neuroses after the Sandfield War and did everything he could to try to make it seem like what was going on was a bigger deal in the scheme of the Umbral Horde than it actually was. He proceeds to get his own Umbral Horde unit through this move without even knowing about them until they show up.
• He Who Fights Monsters: Aware of it, and doesn’t care so long as his sister is under threat. He regularly tortures and slaughters those who threaten his sister, desiring first and foremost punishing guilty parties, especially if white collar crime is involved.
• I Work Alone: initially, hence why he was resistant to getting an Umbral Horde Branch all his own. He does admit part of it is his own conception that “every vigilante says that”. He gets over this when he sees what Vincent and the others were able to do.
• Jerkass Woobie: Leon is a rather distant, cold and unfriendly boy, though there is ample reason for this, and his vigilante killings are based on an idea that NOBODY he targeted would otherwise have been negatively affected at all for their crimes, and protecting his little sister.
• Kid Hero: A deconstruction of the concept - Leon is not doing anything healthy for his mind, he's basically a child soldier, and the things he needs to do to be viable as a Kid Hero are...not what you’d want to think of a minor doing.
• Lack of Empathy: Literally no empathy most of the time - the only time he shows a shred of it is around his sister and cousin while he was alive. Even then, Leon is confused as to why his sister preferred not having her schoolyard bullying antagonists hanged and killed.
• Loners Are Freaks: Leon is viewed due to his distance and quietness as a loner and just as well as an innately suspicious youth whose dislike for the more popular and beloved around him resulted in people disliking him severely.
• The Mentor: He learns techniques over the course of the stories from Ganden the Blade, an infamous Umbral Horde renegade who has a Svengali-esque reputation. Yet it seems Ganden has ‘’some’’ form of affection for his protege.
• Murder Is the Best Solution: In his perspective, murder, especially if it inflicts fear on certain people, is the best and only solution he should partake in. Anything else is compromising with people who could and would do just as bad to people who don’t deserve it.
• Muscle Angst: He is a skinny teen, and is worried his abilities suffer due to it - played more seriously than most examples. Leon hates his appearance and physical strength outside his armor, to an unhealthy level. Leon winced as he got ready for his shower, deliberately avoiding looking at the mirror. “Just don’t look at it, don’t look at it…”
• Not So Above It All: He shows himself as a Sociopathic Hero and someone not to be trifled with...but by the end of the day he is still a teenager, albeit a severely disturbed one. When someone mentioned other vigilantes, Leon comments wistfully, “...hope I grow up to look like Stephen Amell…”
• Reality Ensues: Leon needs to adjust his sleep schedule because he is constantly awake at night. Matthew uses this to figure out who the new vigilante is.
• Red Baron: The media comes up with a number of names for him - including the Brutal Avenger, “Lightning-Claws”, and Ebonywings.
• The Sociopath: Glib and sardonic? Check. Unable to value many other lives? Check. Unflinchingly violent nature? Check.
  • Sociopathic Hero: He kills bad guys - often in horrible ways. While he does technically have his own Umbral Horde unit past a certain point, they don’t participate in the activities of other such units, mostly keeping to slaughtering criminals and those too high up to be really affected by the consequences of their own actions.
• Teens Are Vigilantes: He is a distinctly brutal vigilante - he kills his targets and explicitly does so in ways so as to discourage other criminals by making the deaths spectacular.
• Terror Hero: How Leon functions - he spreads fear and terror among those responsible for his cousin’s murder, and eventually in criminals period. One of his favorite tactics? Shooting a grappling cable down, pulling someone up to him, slashing the target’s throat, and then dropping them right back down among their friends to bleed out.
• Tranquil Fury: Despite being enraged by the conspiracy, he doesn’t rage or scream during combat. He simply goes in and methodically breaks the people who hurt his cousin David. “David would be merciful towards you, Officer. I’m not David.”
• Vigilante Man: He hunts down criminals and those involved in the conspiracy against his cousin. Eventually he branched out into targeting criminals in general though preferring white collar crooks. In his opinion, most often the police are in leagues with and protect the worst of the worst.
• Vocal Dissonance: Uses a voice changer on his armor to make his voice sound deeper and more even toned than it really is, both to conceal his identity and to add to his intimidation factor.
• Wolverine Claws: His weapons are highly destructive and powerful magitech claws, capable of killing a lot of people...but very close quarters oriented. As in, claustrophobic level close quarters.
• You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Psychos they may both be, but Vincent Wayne, his immediate lieutenant, notices after observing Leon in his civilian identity the crippling self image issues and confidence problems. “You, my lord, are better than you think. You may not have a handsome face or a strong musculature, but you gave us purpose. You went out into the night and made it your own. That you did so without either advantage is all the more reason we respect you.”

Is literally based on it, I am a Lawfriend after all.

How is phrased changes from the characters, Demons refer to it as "losing your individuality", Angels do it too because that is how they see it and is only the Human heroes that realize how is the world.

How exactly? If I wrote a story where only the ones that want live in it manage to do that, I wouldnt be sounding too different from a Sola Fide Fundamentalist. The entire point is that The World Is Always Doomed and that humanity, as a collective, had always wanted escape it, but they dont know the exact way so they created sobrenatural beings to do the work for them.

Yeah, is more a thing with myself than from any audience issue.

edited 15th Jan '18 4:26:07 AM by KazuyaProta

I still considerate that the Vigilante Judge, Jury, and Executioner trope is problematic, when it gets described as something better than Anti-Villain.

Honestly, while Leon certainly sounds sympathetic, I wouldnt like be in his mind a lot of the time, he sounds like he certainly should be in a mental institute, of course, this is not a place to say if your hero characters are good people.

About he as a character, again, is good, but it could get repeative too fast, and he fighting Asshole Victim s will get even worse.

If he is The Protagonist, well, I wouldnt say the he is a bad character from any means (like, I would not say that the Punisher is a bad character) but I doubt that I will read the work.

Yeah, I am being harsh. Sorry for that

edited 15th Jan '18 4:38:33 AM by KazuyaProta

Having the other side of the argument be said by the demons is outright bad writing, unless they are supposed to have a point. Humanity does not work as a collective, and having your protagonist know whats best for humanity and having the entire narrative and world be in support of him seems like Protagonist-Centered Morality.

Demons have a point, they arent Always Chaotic Evil, most of them are Chaotic Neutral if not directly Chaotic Good. They get the counterargument that losing their individuality is not really what happens. Angels are not show as then 100% good group while everyone else is dumb and cowardly, most of the sides are pretty noble, the entire point of the story is deconstructing Both Order and Chaos are Dangerous and turning the entire conflict into a Good Versus Good narrative, the entire point of the story is that real morality is hard to find, and that everyone is too busy trying to made its way arround the world to actually realize how to improve it.

Remember how some Dn D talks mention that the baseline alignment for humans in general should be True Neutral? That is the entire point of the story, Humans Are Flawed and thus, the entitites that we created are flawed too, the only difference is that some of them are trying to fix those flaws while others think that embracing them is the best way.

And about Humanity not being a collective, well, we actually are a collective, we might not be 100% equals, but there traits that all humans share in some way or another, that is why things like "search of happiness" are view as a positive in almost everywhere (unless you are a existencialist, and even then is just using another words to mean happiness).

This is mainly the argument of the angels while setting their system. It wasnt written for me, but for a philosophy student that was the one that inspired me to write the story.

edited 15th Jan '18 5:24:30 AM by KazuyaProta

And you think you know how to portray the right way to happiness?