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Hero Critique Thread (Because it's about damn time for this too!)

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Kakai from somewhere in Europe Since: Aug, 2013
#726: Dec 12th 2015 at 6:19:27 AM

[up]I like him. It's clear he's been through a lot, and that his Deadpan Snarkery is his way of dealing with what he's been through is an interesting touch, and given how bleak the story seems to be, a necessary one. His MO when dealing with Right Wing is great, too. The only thing I'm not quite sure of is whether some people won't say that Dolph should've realized just what kind of people he's working for earlier, but... I don't know. *spreads out hands*


Alright, that's one of the last characters in Book of Sayings I want to run through this thread...
  • Name: Innadin Cigfran
  • Age: 56
  • Appearance: Innadin is rather tallish and slender, with boyish frame, wrinkled a bit with age and with almost white, shoulder-long hair. She dresses simply and rarely, if ever, wears jewelry.
  • Personality: Innadin smiles often and likes joking and relaxing when in private. When at work, she can be cold, detached and calculating and while it did get easier with time, it still takes its toll on her. She absolutely refuses to bring her work home and tries to shelter her husband and son from some of the more questionable decisions she had to make over time, treating home life as refuge from work. She never really engages in social activities, instead preferring to observe and analyze people form outsiders' perspective. She's fiercely protective of Reil and her country and will do anything if she believes it necessery to protect him or it.
  • Abilities: Innadin is the spymaster of the kingdom and has access to quite literal army of spies, informants and assassins, not to mention having Queen's ear. She's adept at reading people and guessing their next moves and intentions, and she has sort of experience-born instinct which tells her when something's out of place. She's also proficient with both pistol and dagger.
  • Weaknesses: Most of her resources are rather useless when she's directly threatened, she hasn't been in actual fight in several years and falls for Cawleth's loyal facade until it's too late.
  • Goals: To stop the war between Tír Taugh and Trebauche. Failing that, to make sure Tír Taugh will start it in better position.
  • Motivation: Loyalty to her country, as well as mounting suspicions that not all is as it seems.
  • Role in the story: Mentor and kind of a herald to one of the characters, Sacrificial Lion.
  • Backstory: Innadin was born as the youngest of three heirs to a rich noble and, with both of her brothers in the army, tried to apply as well, only to find out that women aren't permitted. She disguised herself as a man and served this way for four years in a war against mountaineer raiders before being discovered by current Lord Dagger, who saw potential in her and enlisted her as his agent. It was in this period that she met and fell in love with Llewen Cigfran, whom she eventually married. She quickly rose thorugh the ranks and after Lord Dagger died, assumed his responsibilities, becoming a feared and respected person in the "espionage underground" of the world. She was also the one to go to a witch to have a child, and the one to figure out a way to protect Reil and decide to never tell him of his true origins.
  • Relevant Tropes:
    • Assassin Outclassin': Almost manages this, but there was one assassin too many.
    • Dying Moment of Awesome: Still, she takes seven other people with her, and she's surprised in her study. Even Cawleth didn't expect that.
    • Five-Second Foreshadowing: She figures out that Cawleth's working against Tír Taugh literally seconds before his goons burst through the door to kill her.
    • Sacrificial Lion: She dies to show just how dangerous Cawleth is (and to deny heroes the 'easy' way of beating him).
    • Mentor Occupational Hazard: She's Morgaine's mentor and her death marks the end of Act 1 of the story.
    • The Lost Lenore: Underplayed, but becomes one for Llewen after her death.
    • Herald: Post-mortem; her death, and data she manages to leave before this, are what spurs the heroes into action.
    • Sweet Polly Oliver: When she was young, she served in the army for four years as a man. She also uses masculine disguise in her work in present times, which can be problematic for heroes when trying to track down her contacts.
    • One of the Boys: She's more likely to talk about newest advancements in rifle scopes than newest dress fashion.
    • The Obi-Wan: She's mentor to Morgaine and is much better (and cold-blooded) than her.
    • The Spymaster: Serves Tír Taugh this way.
    • The Consigliere: One of Queen's two chief advisors.
    • Red Baron: Her official position, "Lady Dagger", is how most spies and spymasters around the world refer to her.
    • The Dreaded: Merited or not, she has quite a reputation, enough that Cawleth sends eight people to assassinate her while she's alone in her study in a territory utterly turned to his own cause.
    • Retired Badass: She got a lot of hands-on experience before becoming the boss.
    • Iconic Item: Symbol of her office, a dagger she puts to good use.
    • Good Is Not Nice: She's on heroes' side, but she's been known to murder, double-cross, blackmail and frame people if that was necessary for the job.
    • Happily Married: To Llewen.
    • Pulled from Your Day Off: She fights tooth and nail against this. Her family time is her family time.
    • Mama Bear: During the time when the witch was hunting for Reil. The very first scene of the story has her watching over her son with a shotgun and using it on some poor schmuck Tuthwalai enlisted to kidnap Reil.
    • Magnificent Bitch: Her reputation as Lady Dagger.
    • Worf Effect: I suppose the fact that Cawleth has eluded her for twenty years and then manages to organize her assassination before she can act kinda puts a dent in the above credentials. Ideallynote , it's a case of one Magnificent Bastard out-magnificent-bastarding another.
    • Spotting the Thread: Something about interactions between Cawleth and the Queen makes her wary of him, essentially kickstarting the whole plot.
    • Disease Bleach: The "grayed early because of stress" version.
    • Younger Than They Look: She's often noted as looking much older than Llewen despite being a year younger. Might be because she doesn't use make-up like most noblewomen.

edited 12th Dec '15 6:25:20 AM by Kakai

Rejoice!
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#727: Dec 13th 2015 at 12:28:25 AM

[up]I like it, due to her {Never Mess with Granny}} status. Though those must be the worst assassins if they can't just poison her tea.

I have finally finished making the main character for my story, the one where warlords fight for control over the continent in a fantasy world.(really need to think of a name for the story0

Name: Ike Hideaki

Age: 21 at the start

Appearance: An average Japanese youth, bit tallish and slender. He has straight black hair and dull, gray eyes. Dresses in commoner attire.

Personality: Rather lazy and apathetic. He lacks confidence in the things he do and often engage in self-loathing. He rarely take initiative in anything because he believes he will screw it up. After going through harsh treatment as a slave, he becomes determined to achieve success, with no qualms in doing morally questionable things to do so. Deep down lays a desire for someone to actually love and understand him, which he never believe he had. Has a fixation on history and things related to war and psychology.

Abilities: In a world where dragons and elves, he lacks magical abilities since he is from another world. He is actually talented in politics and manipulation. Due to his fixation on history, he is well versed in the tactics used by great generals and uses them. Due to his magic sword, he is adept in swordsmanship, able to translate other language, heal from injuries and travel sometimes back to his world.

Weaknesses: Without his sword, he is next to useless in battle, though he is trying to learn basic swordsmanship. His self-esteem issues and desire for friends causes him to be easily manipulated.

Goals: Take over the continent.

Motivation: Believed that he was doing it to prove himself competent, but actually wanted to protect those important to him.

Role in story: Main character

Backstory: The youngest child in the family with two brothers. Both his brothers are successful academically, which put a lot of pressure on him, especially by his mother. His father, who isn't around much due to his work, making him distant from his family. His mother is draconian in treating her children, with high expectations and does not tolerate anything less than perfect. Both his brothers, while wanting to help him, are too afraid of their mother to do so. His mother constantly belittles him when he doesn't meet expectations, and forbids him from making friends. This continue all the way to highschool, when he could move out on the conditions that his grades doesn't drop, so he had to constantly study to make up for his lack of talent. Since he attends rather high leveled schools, it damages his self-esteem even further as the people around him seemed to be naturally talented. He collapses from the stress just before his University admission exams, having to be hospitalized. His family never visited. All this contributed to his view that one has to be successful to be loved by others, and that he was useless trash.

Unknown to him, he is the reincarnation of a great emperor in the other world. Just before the unification of the continent, he was betrayed by his subordinate and killed. To prevent his rise once more after reincarnation(the reincarnated self retains several talents and qualities), his soul was expelled to our world. His wife, however, sealed her soul into his sword after escaping, so that she could help rebuild the empire. She also established relations with several powerful spirits to help. After a few centuries in their world, she managed to find him as Hideaki, and transported him to their world.

Related tropes:

Extreme Doormat: Goes along with everything and doesn't bother standing up for himself.

{{Ain't Too Proud to Beg}}: When those close to him are at stake. Afterwards he uses this as a tactic, either to illicit sympathy to gain allies, or tricking his enemies to think that he is pathetic.

Awesome by Analysis: Though not the best when compared to other characters, he is able to quickly figure out motivations and personality traits of others.

Bad Liar: At first, but become competent at it later on.

Be Yourself: Not the positive kind, since he doesn't believe that he can actually change for the better and would most likely fail.

{{Brilliant, but Lazy}}: Not academically, but is good at manipulation and strategy if he bothers to.

Broken Ace: Too much stress eventually broke him.

Byronic Hero: Becomes one, but changes after character development.

Chronic Hero Syndrome: Downplayed, but is still willing to help someone in need.

The Cynic

Deconstruction: Shows how someone who is good deep down handles the stress of being a Anti-Hero, continually question his decisions and wishes to stop, but also suffers from nightmares about his past and when he was forced to be a slave, which forces him to continue.

Dismotivation: He wants to change, but is afraid of failing. Changes later on.

Fatal Flaw: Cowardice. He is afraid of failing, afraid of being losing those precious to him, afraid of change. Even his character development is motivated because he is afraid of the consequences of not changing.

Guile Hero: Becomes this.

Hidden Depths His fixation on history is due to him admiring the historical figures who are widely worshiped and wishing to become like them. He reads up on psychology to better understand the minds of those better than him. He is capable in analyzing them and figure out how they managed success.

{{I Can't Do This by Myself}}

Magnetic Hero: Some people come to him because of the past empress' contract with spirits, whose influence gather talented people around him, but they are loyal to him because of his character.

Manipulative Bastard: His biggest talent.

Never Be Hurt Again: One of his motivations.

Nice Guy

Rousseau Was Right: A believer of this.

Smarter Than You Look: If he is determined, he can even outsmart most of the characters that are supposed to be geniuses.

Vitriolic Best Buds: Originally has one with his Love Interest.

You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Others around him reminds him of this.

edited 13th Dec '15 12:32:06 AM by Ikedatakeshi

Kakai from somewhere in Europe Since: Aug, 2013
#728: Dec 13th 2015 at 4:28:59 AM

[up]Thanks. It's not the first time someone tries to have her assassinated, though - she knows better than to let handle what she eats and drinks anyone other than herself or Llewen. Besides, the assassination is supposed to pin the blame on Trebauche, so the assassins must be easily "identified".

As for Hideaki, I really like his character arc from broken doormat to manipulative Guile Hero and I feel like cheering for him to succeed. It seems that it's the new circumstances that bring the good qualities he already has out of him, and that's great too. Overall, IMO really good MC. I'm just wondering - the sword his using is the same one his past self's wife's sealed in? That's gotta be just a bit awkward.

Rejoice!
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#729: Dec 13th 2015 at 8:06:26 AM

[up]So the assassins have to be die so they can be identified? I supposed these assassins are supposed to be closely related to Trebauche but is either under control or loyal to Calweth then.

As for the sword, the wife was a skilled magician, which is why the sword have so many abilities in the first place. Here's her biography.

Name: Isabella Leola Castiglioni

Appearance: She has ruby-red eyes and long, ginger-blonde hair. Being a spirit, she is dressed in only one outfit, the one she died in, though she can change form if she wants to. Despite being royalty, she wears relatively plain clothes and little jewelry. She wears a pendant made from the blood ruby.

Personality: Originally a princess, she had to engage in sibling rivalry from a young age, which contributed to her manipulative personality. While she is ruthless when dealing with threats, she is kind to her subjects and the people. Unlike most humans in her world, she is friendly with the spirits and werehumans(half-animal humans). She is loyal towards Aldric(Hideaki), and is determined to rebuild the empire they built together. Due to being betrayed by her subjects and having her husband killed horribly, she became twisted and ruthless. She doesn't like Hideaki, who isn't the same as the confident Aldric.

Abilities: Possess great magical abilities and is knowledgeable in many spells. Being a spirit allows her to go between the Otherworld and the physical realm. She is the one who gave the sword its power. She can open portals between dimensions, which she hides from Hideaki to prevent him from having second thoughts.

Weaknesses: She can't go too far away from the sword, and while she can move the sword around, it needs a wielder if she intends to defend herself. She can't use spells repeatedly since it drains her power, and can't use magic when replenishing power. If the sword is destroyed, she needs to switch to a new medium before she leaves the physical realm.

Goals: Rebuilt the empire and mold Hideaki into Aldric.

Motivation: Fulfill their dream of ruling together and make an utopia.

Role in story: Starting the story and cause of several events.

Backstory: Born as a princess, she never received much love from her family, who are out to use or kill each other, even her own mother. Her only friends were her servants, who were werehumans and the spirits she met in the forest. She often interacted with the peasants and slaves, and find them more pleasant than the aristocrats who claimed to be superior. After killing off most of her siblings(evil bastards), whoever she marries would be the new king. Thus the lords were determined to make their child king. Not willing to be forcibly married to someone, she declares that she would only marry someone who finds the blood ruby. Said ruby can only be found with the spirits' help, and since she and the spirits were friends, this was a near impossible task. Aldric, a peasant, managed to fool the spirits into helping him, thus becoming king.

Aldric then told Isabella about his ambition to unite the continent and create an empire so that he could help those who are oppressed, and asks her to help. Having similar ideals, she agreed. As time passed, their feelings for each other grew. Things were going smoothly, until Aldric was betrayed and killed by his best friend. Their children were slaughtered and she was forced to flee. As she was pursued, she got shot several arrows. In her last moments, she infused her soul into her sword. Seeing those who she liberated from slavery celebrating the coronation of the traitor, she became determined for revenge. After several centuries, she finally managed to find Aldric's soul in Hideaki.

Relevant tropes:

Broken Bird: Seeing what her dream taken away by her husband's killer and the people she helped celebrating his coronation really twisted her.

Manipulative Bitch: Was already this, but taken to extreme after dying, being the one behind several events that Hideaki suffered through so the broken doormat Hideaki will become like the competent and confident Aldric.

Jerkass: Caused Hideaki to suffer through traumatic events. Whenever Hideaki questions the morals of his actions and wishes to stop, she will Mind Rape him and constantly remind him that he is doing what he need to do, and the suffering that he has gone through was because he was weak and cared too much about the morality of his actions.

Freudian Excuse

Well-Intentioned Extremist: She believes that if Hideaki isn't willing to do whatever it takes, he is doomed to suffer the same fate as Aldric.

Cute Ghost Girl: If you only consider looks.

The Corrupter: Finally reveals herself as Hideaki suffers from Heroic BSoD to take advantage of it.

Politically Active Princess: Was one.

One-Man Army: If she possesses Hideaki. Does this only when he needs the help.

Took a Level in Jerkass: While wasn't a saint, she becomes a super Jerkass after dying.

Heroic Sacrifice: Pulls one to save Hideaki.

Last Request: As she fades away, she possesses the body of the Love Interest and wishes to die in Hideaki's arm.

BlakBasket Since: Dec, 2015
#730: Dec 13th 2015 at 8:11:54 PM

[up] I really like both Hideaki and Isabella. I like Hideaki's Guile Hero and more settled version of Chronic Hero Syndrome.And seems like he's a genuinely smart guy compared to the typical Idiot Hero.It makes you wanna root for him seeing all harshness and frustration he goes through. Isabella's actions are undoubtedly cruel and uncalled for but gives a good justified reason why she acts that way. ___________________________________________________________

Alright. I've posted my main protagonist, Seiren Kasugano awhile ago. So here's my Deuteragonist.

  • Name: Hideki Nungaray ( Not to be confused with Hideaki[up])

  • Age: 15 -17

  • Appearance: Hideki has grey hair with black streaks and gingerbread-brown colored eyes. His appearance is of a Greaser Delinquent: His hair slicked back, a brown leather jacket with a white t-shirt, blue jeans and converse shoes. He's about average height for his age and is pretty fit as well.

  • Personality: Despite looking like a Greaser Delinquent. Hideki is actually a very nice guy. He's noble and caring but can be shy at times and is short tempered as well. Though he tries to keep a positive attitude around others, Hideki has a massive inferiority complex towards his friends as he deems himself useless and can't do anything right, and sometimes finds himself crying more than others usually expect.

  • Abilities: Hideki has superhuman abilites: such as super speed, super strength and having strong durability. This was done through 1-2 years of hunting evil Yokai, who are casually above the likes of ordinary humans. He carries a IMI Desert Eagle as his trademark weapon and is very skilled with it as he's able to curve the bullets in any direction once fired.

  • Weakness: Hideki suffers from {Heroic Self-Deprecation} as he calls himself useless repeatedly and sees himself as a burden to his friends. Hideki also gets too emotional and will often go with how he feel rather than logic. This is due because he watched his mother and brother be shot and killed by his gang leader at point blank and ran away when they begged him for his help. He is also short tempered and bound to get into argument if he feels any kind of insult towards him or his friends and is often quick to judge because of this. Hideki's also reckless in combat and his fighting patterns can become too predictable.

  • Goals: Hideki wants to become stronger and take revenge against his former gang leader that killed his mom and brother. He then decides he wants to stay and protect Seiren and the rest of group.

  • Motivation: Hideki has a strong sense of justice and determination and serves as his driving point in the beginning. But then he wants to support and protect his friends as they did for him when he was going through "moments".

  • Role in the story: Growing out of a weak and narrow minded persona and focus on what's truly important in life.

Backstory: Hideki Nungaray lived on the outskirts of Reborn City with his Mom, Dad, and younger Brother, Emile; where the area was gang infested and criminal activity was normal. His family were able to survive the dangerous conditions for the most part until his father grew ill and passed away when he was 13 years old. It was there when Hideki promised to Emile that he would protect him and their mother and wouldn't let anything happen to them. The day after that, he left the house and joined a gang. There, he learned to fight by going on Yokai hunts and battling with other rival gangs. He provided his brother and mom with goods that would last them until he could bring more. It was after a year of doing this when he started getting into arguments and fights with his fellow gang members. To the point were they kidnapped his family and killed them at point blank by the lead, Noel. Hideki ran away to the other side of the area in tears when he was attacked by a pack of Yokai. It was when another boy, Yosuke Nagetsuki saved him singled handedly. Hideki then begged to for Yosuke to take him with him. Yosuke hesitantly obliged and the two formed a team dedicated to hunting evil Yokai.


Relevant Tropes:

Deuteragonist

Nice Guy:

Greaser Delinquent: His appearance consists of this, but at the most, he joined a gang. Other than this, he's an overall good guy.

Determinator: Hideki wants to get stronger so he can take revenge his former gang leader for killing his mom and brother.

Badass Normal: Hideki has no supernatural powers: no magic, no elemental powers, no divine powers. Yet he is able to hold his own against any being leagues above him. Even go so far as to help bring down Multiversal Conquerors and defeat all out Reality Warpers by himself.

Heroic Self-Deprecation: Though his friends support him, he calls himself useless and constantly puts himself down below the rest of the group.

Always Someone Better: Hideki can run at supersonic speeds, kick through walls and can survive buildings falling on top of him. Which is impressive...at least by normal human standards. He is constantly overshadowed by others even his friends who wield light magic, laser beams and other supernatural powers. This also causes him to feel useless ^.

Tender Tears: He actually cries more often than not.

Broken Smile: He sometimes tries to cover up his low self esteem with this.

Love Interest: to Seiren

Red Oni,Blue Oni: Hideki's Blue to Seiren's Red. Also Yosuke's Blue to Hideki's Red.

Heros Want Brunettes: Hideki falls in love with Seiren and it happens to be that she has brown hair.

edited 13th Dec '15 8:33:13 PM by BlakBasket

Well, what do you think everyone? ~
Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#731: Dec 13th 2015 at 9:05:58 PM

[up]I've always had a soft spot for the delinquent-type character, so I'll gladly take this one.

Personally, I find it interesting that you've named Hideki a deuteragonist; based solely on your description here, it's almost as if he could be the leading man and/or carry the story by himself. That's a good thing, though. There's no shame in playing second fiddle, but what you've got here is a character who does more than hang around in the shadows of the actual lead. Always appreciable.

It sounds like Hideki's got a lot of places to go as a character — again, always appreciable. That inferiority complex sounds like a major sticking point that can carry you from the story's start to its finish; I can already imagine the highs and lows he'd face on his character arc. Also, it looks like he's not afraid to show off his weaknesses and concerns, and his emotions in general (well, he's probably in no rush to cry in front of others, but you get the idea). That's a good aspect to have; the more he shows off, the more an audience gets to see of him.

I don't really have any cons to point out, but I do have some minor concerns. I can buy that Hideki is a nice guy, but there's a part of me that doesn't feel like his "short temper" doesn't mesh as well (at least based on a short description). I'm guessing you mean something like a Berserk Button, and that'd probably work better overall, but a short temper? I don't know about that. Obviously, I don't know how that temper plays out in the actual story — i.e. how severely he lashes out — but I imagine him being the type to internalize that anger instead of throwing it in someone's face...unless he's got so much anger inside him that he has to explode every now and then.

Also, I can't help but wonder: how much does a guy with super strength, speed, and durability need to carry around a gun? Okay, sure, it could be a special type of gun for taking out yokai and such (like the infamous "silver bullet"), but that feels like another thing that doesn't mesh as well as it could. You say Hideki gets too emotional at times and doesn't put much stock in logic, which is fine; in terms of fighting style, it's not hard to imagine him rushing in to do big damage every chance he gets. But pulling out a gun? And curving bullets, as well? Those seem like tricks someone more calculating — or smarter, ostensibly — would use, what with mapping out trajectories on the fly and/or predicting where enemies go. But I'm assuming you have a plan for how all the parts come together, so I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Overall, I'd say your character's in a good place. Even from this small snippet, I've got a good sense of what he's about, and I can feel the potential that he has as a part of your story's cast. So yeah, what else can I say? Well, besides the obvious: good job, and good luck.

I'll get one of my guys (or ladies) up on this thread eventually. So anyone who wants to take shots at me will get their chance soon.

edited 13th Dec '15 9:06:57 PM by Voltech44

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#732: Dec 14th 2015 at 9:13:34 AM

[up][up]I see potential development for Hideki and his father(if he isn't deceased), considering the fact that the dude lost his son and wife because of Hideki, which would put a strain in their relationship.

Now I shall write about Hideaki's Love Interest.

Name: Kaytlyn Crevan Richelieu

Age: 19(at the start)

Appearance: Have long black hair that reaches her waist, sharp, dark brown eyes and fair skin. Many characters describes her as unnaturally beautiful, almost like a doll. Has an attractive body with good proportions. Usually wear clothes befitting of a noble lady but not extravagant.

Personality: Being almost the exact opposite of Hideaki, Kaytlyn is confident and charismatic, with no qualms acting smug around others. She knows she was born gifted with beauty and intelligence and isn't afraid to use them to her advantage. She is polite and friendly to most people, even if she doesn't like them. She is quite immature, enjoying things that many would consider childish, approach things new to her like a curious child and is mischievous. She often acts sarcastic and indifferent to those close to her, but does care about them and is willing to sacrifice herself to protect them. She gets along well with children(mostly because she acts like one) and genuinely like those who are willing to work hard for what they want. She is enthusiastic, hardworking and calculating, mostly due to her being a merchant.

Abilities: Does not know magic. She is very intelligent, even at a young age, capable of manipulating many people to her whims. She knows of her reputation among the nobles , thus uses this to her advantage to manipulate her pursuers. She has a natural business sense, and is capable to spot people with talent, and is charismatic enough to convince people to join her side. Incapable of feeling pain since she was born. Has an literal army of informants, spies,assassins and bodyguards who are loyal to her and her only.

Weakness: Due to succeeding most of the time, she can be overconfident and make decisions without consulting others. Also completely useless in combat, thus fully dependent on her bodyguards. Sometimes perform extremely risky plans when desperate, which bites her in the ass.

Goals: Become the richest person on the continent. End slavery and get rid of noble families abusing their power over the peasants.

Motivations: Believe that the world is unfair, where people who are useless a**holes are born lucky in noble families and people with noble character and talent are born in peasantry and slavery. Aims to give opportunities for them to shine and free those who are enslaved and build a meritocratic system.

Backstory: Born in one of the biggest and richest noble family. The family had a tradition, where the successor of the head is decided based on accomplishments rather than age and gender. Thus siblings were split into multiple factions as their relatives and other nobles decided one of them to support. Kaytlyn was especially smart, even at a young age, thus was seen a threat by most of them. At the age of seven, they conspired to get rid of her. Her assassins decided to sell her off to slavery instead of killing her to earn more money. She was a slave for six years. During this time, she befriended several slaves. She noticed how some of them were very talented in different crafts, much better than those who are supposed to be noble. Deep in thought, she remembers how she got to live because her assassins were greedy, thus were lucky enough to survive. She considers the fact that the so called nobles were born with a silver spoon in their mouth, and that how their destiny were already decided by the circumstances of their born. She found most of her skills that she had were useless due to her position as a slave, and that many of the slaves could have become great people if they were born in noble families. People that were willing to work hard had to suffer hardship, but the pampered nobles can live all their life in comfort without work. Deciding that this was unfair, she aspires to change that. Still having her family heirloom that she kept hidden, she aims to return to her family. Thus she planned an escape with several friends. They succeeded, but one of them was injured and was dying. With no money, she had no choice but to sell the family heirloom to gain money to save her. She was too late and her friend died. Luckily for Kaytlyn, the family heirloom was recognized by another noble, and she was returned to her family. Once again, she thinks that she was saved by pure chance, and that the girl died because of the unfair world. Because of this, she became determined to change the world for the better, no matter the cost.

Relevant Tropes:

The Trickster: Downplayed. While she does play tricks on others, she knows that she has to maintain an image to the other nobles, and only do so to those she know wouldn't detest her for it.

Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Can be annoying to work with, but she is just too damn good at getting the job done.

Deadpan Snarker: Sarcastic to those who are uptight and serious all the time.

Sarcastic Devotee: Despite her behavior, she never abandon her companions.

The Gadfly: Does this often to Hideaki, who became serious all the time after character development.

Magnificent Bitch: Most her enemies see her as this, and thus tread carefully when trying to plan against her.

Manipulative Bitch

Opportunistic Bitch: She often does not have a plan, so takes whatever chance that she stumbles upon.

Femme Fatale: Knows that she has several pursuers due to her reputation, and make use of them for her benefit.

Servile Snarker: Her attitude rubs off on her servant.

Troll

Consummate Liar

Dangerously Genre-Savvy: Often switches between this and Wrong Genre Savvy.

Perpetual smiler: Few things changes her expreession.

Cheshire Cat Grin: When her smile broadens, it means you're screwed.

My Greatest Failure: Failing to save her friend when escaping.

Survivor Guilt: Always loathe the fact that she always survive when her plans go south but not her servants die. She hates that she is always so lucky, where there are people willing to die for her because of an act on kindness that she did for them. She believed that they deserved happiness, but was screwed over by fate, and they shouldn't have Undying Loyalty towards her.

Vitriolic Best Buds: Starts off as this with Hideaki, considering their contrasting personalities but similar interests. Hideaki admires Kaytlyn for her ability, and comforts her when her when her friends die due to her failure, while Kaytlyn sees potential in Hideaki and notices his psychological problem. On the other hand, Kaytlyn snarks and tease Hideaki whenever she can, while Hideaki dislikes her childish behavior.

Animal motifs: The fox, for obvious reasons.

Red Baron: The devil's child. Due to her intellect and charisma, she is feared by many.

edited 16th Dec '15 9:18:48 AM by Ikedatakeshi

Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#733: Dec 30th 2015 at 9:12:08 PM

Well, I promised that I would step up to the plate after offering up an earlier critique, so I guess it’s my turn. Especially since this thread’s been kind of sleepy recently; Ikedatakeshi, I’ll write up something for Kaytlyn in the next day or two, so hang tight — unless someone else wants to do that instead. Or you can post your hero. I'm not exactly playing the taskmaster here. In the meantime, here’s hoping I don’t strike out.

…Third baseball idiom.

Name: Arc Siegel

Age: 15

Appearance: Blue eyes, and black hair arranged into the infamous fringe. In terms of body type, he’s pretty much below average in every respect; he’s short for his age (he argues otherwise, but unsuccessfully), and the second-shortest member of the main cast. Coupled with his slim form and pale complexion, some people ask if he’s been eating properly. Often wears handwraps, because why wouldn’t you?

Personality: Sardonic as all hell. Those who only know him from afar see a chilly and distant teen; those who get a little closer to him find out firsthand that he cracks more jokes than Spider-Man — often at the expense of others. He doesn’t exactly have a high tolerance for day-to-day inanity, but underneath his less-than-inviting persona, he’s still got a noble heart and wild ambitions. It’s almost as if he’s secretly hot-blooded — though as the story progresses, he’s not so “secretive” about it.

Abilities: He may not be the biggest bruiser around, but he’s still a skilled fighter — one that uses his speed to outwit and overwhelm his opponents. That’s made possible thanks to his sharp mind; arguably, his reasoning ability and on-the-fly improvisation are much stronger than his fists will ever be. But if we’re talking strictly about magic powers? Every time he goes to sleep, he relives a person’s dying moments. It’s about as fun as it sounds.

Weaknesses: Two words: glass jaw. His fighting style revolves almost entirely around pressuring opponents and getting in many blows instead of a few decisive ones — so while he can hit weak points to compensate, overall his raw power is the lowest of the cast. Worse yet, he absolutely can’t take the hits that other characters can, and for more reasons than one.

Personality-wise, though? Arc is hard on others, but he’s hardest on himself — and becomes his toughest critic the more the story progresses. He’s out to play hero with his skills and wit, which is an endeavor that doesn’t usually go his way. So typically, he’s caught in a bad spot; he’s constantly left frustrated by the people around him for being so blatantly flawed — and unable/unwilling to make good on their desires — but Arc is exactly like them. He can’t fix the world’s problems, his few friends’ problems, or even his own. He doesn’t even know how, and it’s pushing him to his breaking point.

Motivation: He starts on a mission in his home of New Line City to solve a certain mystery: why his high school suddenly turned into a graveyard one night. It’s not long before he finds a couple of leads — namely, that his city is metaphysically distorting, AND there’s a dimension-hopping serial killer on the loose. Given that very few people can see what’s going on (at the start, he figures only he and his pal Kaylee are the only ones available) he takes it upon himself to solve the mystery. But even when things spiral out of control — or maybe because of that — he presses on regardless.

Role in the story: THE main character, which puts him in a weird place. As a point of comparison: imagine Melvin and Wendy from Superfriends, and you’ve pretty much got Arc (and his partner Kaylee, albeit with a twist later on).

Relevant Tropes:

  • Embarrassing First Name: His older brother delights in calling him “Archie”, which isn’t even the full extent of it. So he usually goes by Arc to save himself from the shame.
  • Shorter Means Smarter
  • Character Tics: Tends to wave a hand through the air when he wants to wrap up a conversation/distance himself from inanity.
  • Catchphrase: Tags the start of several lines with "Right." Beyond that, he's got "Arc Siegel. Remember it." There is absolutely nothing plot-significant about this catch phrase.
  • Peek A Bangs: His left eye’s covered at all times, but it doesn’t get in the way of his combat. Granted it’s because he’s actually blind in that eye, but he can still compensate for the most part.
  • The Snark Knight: Dishes out the insults like candy on Halloween, but he’s more than willing to take shots at himself. I wonder why…
  • Hates Being Touched: Won’t touch others or let anyone lay a hand on him, even though he’ll eagerly land his attacks on unsuspecting foes. Incidentally, he’ll gladly allow physical contact with Kaylee.
  • I See Dead People: In his dreams. It doesn’t exactly make for a good night’s sleep, but it’s thanks to his dreams that he’s able to catch a glimpse of the Big Bad — and it forms the basis for his character development.
  • Guile Hero: What he lacks in physical power, he makes up for with his smarts. His resourcefulness helps him stand toe-to-toe with some of the story’s nastier enemies, which arguably makes him a…
  • Badass Normal: Deconstructed, though. If he’s up against normal thugs, then it’s pretty much an even fight. The problem is that the fights against “normal thugs” dry up by the end of the first chapter; the city’s degradation consistently puts him in contact with murderous ghosts, mutated humans, and magical criminals. He can dodge his way around most foes, but he understands that A) he can’t finish anyone off while all the other characters can, and B) he fights on at his own peril. He’s a small fish in a pond the size of an ocean, and it drives him up a wall. And of course, it leads directly to his death.
  • Hearing Voices: One of the core conceits of the story, and a sign that The Corruption is taking root. As one character puts it: “If you start hearing voices, start worrying.” And guess who hears them first?
  • Lack of Empathy: Despite his heroic pursuits, it’s suggested — and eventually accepted by Arc, much to his dismay — that he’s not trying to solve the city’s mysteries to help the people. He’s only going through the motions, and striving for his own satisfaction instead of truly noble ideals. He eventually starts to turn things around, though, and becomes genuinely dedicated to making others happy…which may or may not be a good thing.
  • Hot-Blooded: To the surprise of many. When he gets heated up, he can actually get pretty scary.
  • Fanboy: He’s got some pretty esoteric interests. Motorcycles can bring out the nerd in him, and for one reason or another, he’s freakishly good at yo-yo tricks.
  • Hidden Depths: He puts on airs of being the voice of reason and a cool customer, but what happens when character development kicks in and he actually has to start bonding with people? Exactly what you’d expect from someone who minimizes contact with others: he’s a bit of a social klutz who gets flustered whenever he has to step an inch out of his comfort zone.
  • The Heart: Paradoxically, he ends up becoming this for the rest of the team. His unbreakable will and dedication to the cause becomes an inspiration, and pushes the others forward. That’s especially true when he FINALLY starts reaching out to them, building bonds, and mending “the scars of the heart”. When he dies, it’s a legit shocker to the others — to the point where they have a funeral for him despite the city being practically broken in half by ghosts.
  • Hope Bringer: Basically a key point on his character arc. In the face of opposition and absolute, crushing despair thanks to his home being broken beyond repair, and even AFTER he gets slaughtered by the main baddie he fights on for the sake of dispelling the sorrow of the people, and making sure they all have the chance to live happy lives. Pretty cool — but then again, that’s where he stands at the end of the FIRST act of his story. When it comes to the second and third…well, who knows what’ll happen? Besides me, of course.

Well, there you go. Feel free to ask questions about this guy. It'll probably help me in the long run, and NOT make me feverishly rush to edit him into compliance/up to par. Probably.

edited 30th Dec '15 9:32:35 PM by Voltech44

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#734: Dec 31st 2015 at 8:10:16 AM

[up]Since I don't know his backstory, I can't fully judge him. I assume his unbreakable will is due to him being so hard on himself and not allowing himself to give up. Make sure he still stays likable and his snark funny, so people won't start hating him. I like him, pretty well-balanced with consistent traits, but don't linger too long on his frustrations, otherwise it will come across as Wangst.

Anyway, I just finished up on The Lancer for Hideaki. This is one of the seven generals chosen by Isabella to serve under Hideaki, since there was a similar group that served Aldric.(there was eight of them, but one of them was the traitor.) She has persuaded powerful spirits to lend their power to them.

Name: Drake Axton Vrom

Age: 23

Appearance: Tallest in the group, standing at 6'6". He has a Face of a Thug, messy black hair and sharp, menacing eyes. He is ripped, but not to ridiculous levels. He is usually dressed in ragged clothes, since he usually tears any fancy clothes after fighting.

Personality: Is aloof, with Zero Social Skills. He is protective of his True Companions, and will risk his life to protect them, especially his little sister. He is reckless when somebody he cares about is in danger, usually charging in without telling anyone. He has a strict code of honor and moral, only breaking them when he has no other choice. This causes him problems when Hideaki's do morally questionable things, since he has swore to protect him with his life. He blames himself for Hideaki's change, since he wasn't strong enough to protect him. He is often conflicted, as reality constantly challenges his moral code. He often questions his morals and motivations, and is sometimes tempted to break them. He always strive to get stronger, and has slight Blood Knight tendencies when facing worthy opponents.

Abilities: He isn't a skilled swordsman, and usually fights by finding a weak spot and slash it repeatedly until his enemies die. He relies on instinct, sharp wit, improvising and brute strength. His code of honor does not apply to fighting, so he is pragmatic in his fighting style. After he establish a contract with the Dragon King by fusing their bodies(a spirit sent by Isabella), his physical abilities are enhanced greatly, and can form weapons using the dragon's bones. He can also command other dragons. He is an capable general, but leave strategies to those that are smarter than him.

Weaknesses: His reckless nature can be easily used against him, so has to be bailed out often by others. Due to him being part dragon, he is sometimes overcome by his instincts, losing control of himself.

Goal: Assist Hideaki in his motivation.

Motivations: Owes his life to Hideaki, and feels guilty over Hideaki's change, striving to change him. Plus, by becoming a high-ranking general of a empire will allow him to better protect his loved ones.

Role: Supporting character.

Backstory: Is the son of a great general, who taught him about the importance of honor and being strong enough to protect those dear to him. His father was framed by his enemies, leading to the execution of his entire family except for him and his younger sister, who managed to escape. The killing of his family was the first time what his father told him was challenged. At the age of 13, he joined a mercenary army, who was indebted to his father. Due to the constant need to engage in battle, he has witnessed several morally corrupt things, such as pillaging, massacres and rape. While he feels that he should stop them, he still has to take care of his sister, thus can't afford to antagonize the other mercenaries. By the age of 22, he has become one of the mercenaries' leaders, having his own regiment, and the mercenaries were permanently employed by a rich noble. However, the noble's son was attracted to his sister, thus tried to rape her. Drake sliced of his arm and escaped with his sister. He then works as a lone mercenary, being constantly on the run, chased by his former comrades. His sister, who had a weak constitution, often fell sick and needed constant care, thus he needed to constantly earn money.

Relevant tropes:

Being Good Sucks: He is often screwed over by reality despite doing the right thing. This builds up to the point where he even considered giving up on them and just do things that benefit himself.

Heroic Vow: Made one to his father: To always do what is right and never hurt the innocent and always protect your love ones, even at the expense of yourself. He often has to choose between the two.

A Father to His Men

All Men Are Perverts: Averted.

Amazon Chaser: His Love Interest is almost as strong as he is, and he loves her because she strong both physically and mentally, yet still capable to show care and concern for others.

Animal Motifs: Dogs, to show his loyalty, wolves, to show his aloof nature, and dragons, to show his strength.

Ax-Crazy: When his dragon instincts take over.

Badass Cape

Badass Normal: Before his contract, he was still one of the strongest humans.

Berserk Button: Several, which includes hurting his True Companions, but especially his sister. Criminals, especially rapists and Smug Snakes.

The Berserker

Big Damn Heroes: Pulls this one of several times.

The Big Guy: Class one.

Lightning Bruiser: He hits fast and he hits hard.

Charles Atlas Superpowers

The Corruptible: Before character development.

Deadpan Snarker

Declaration of Protection: To Hideaki.

Determinator

Fatal Flaw: Irresolute. He wavers easily due to constantly needing to make decisions that goes against his moral code.

Genius Bruiser

Half-Human Hybrid: Part dragon.

Heroic BSoD

{{Huge Guy, Tiny Girl}}: With his sister.

Hunk

Made of Iron: Get knocked around several times by giant dragons, impaled by their claws, burnt by their fire, a broken arm and several broken bones, yet still stands.

No Social Skills: Had to spend his teenage years surrounded by Jerkass mercenaries, go through constant battles, witnessing the terrors of war, then have to be hunted by his former comrades. Not exactly the best environment for developing social skills.

Big Brother Instinct

The Stoic: He was mocked as weak by the mercenaries for showing his emotions.

Took a Level in Badass: Becomes a half-dragon warrior that leads a army of guys and dragons into battle.

Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#735: Dec 31st 2015 at 6:13:40 PM

[up]Yeah, I left out his backstory on purpose, and for three reasons. 1) Arc — and the story, to a lesser extent — is about pushing forward, and he prefers not to worry about his past. 2) If I went into his backstory here, it would basically be a wall of spoilers, which I kind of suspect would take away from showing off this character in this post. 3) My post was already, like, 1300 words. Best not to turn it into a full-length novel, if only to spare others from having to read so much. Not that the backstory is THAT long, but hey. Arc wants to be judged by what he is now, not what he used to be. So it’s only natural I respect that wish, right?

Anyway, thanks for the input. As promised, I’ll go ahead and give my thoughts on Kaytlyn.

If I had to sum up my thoughts in one word, it’d be “interesting” — and that’s a good thing, for sure. A noble, or something like it, using influence and intelligence to try and get what she wants? That’s pretty cool, and more than compensates for her lack of magic. (I can’t help but wonder why she’s incapable of feeling pain, since that probably isn’t a good thing in the long run, but I’m sure there’s a reason for it.) She’s got a cool affect, too, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d say her motivations are just a hair away from seeking revenge. That’s not a bad thing, especially since what she’s after is probably closer to a revolution than blood on the streets — although those two things can intertwine, if I remember my history correctly. That’s certainly something to consider, especially if (or when) Kaytlyn’s plans go wrong. Whatever the case, it sounds like she’s a fun character to have around — even with the sarcasm on full blast.

There are some things I’m curious about, though. I can buy into her being childish at times, but that sounds like something that’s at odds with her position in society and her backstory. So I have to start by asking: how naïve is this character? Being childish and being naïve tend to go hand-in-hand, after all, so that belief can lead to conflicts that are internal (her beliefs vs. her reality) and external (an even more manipulative person who uses her foibles to his/her advantage). But there’s more. As an attractive 19-year-old, is she willing to use a Honey Trap? Is she willing to go to other extremes? Or are there lines she’s unwilling to cross because of her ideals — ideals born from a naïve belief that everything will go as planned?

It’s not hard to see something like it transpiring in your story. Kaytlyn may have had it rough throughout her life, but it’s all too easy for there to be a disparity between ideals and reality — and that’s something you can play with in the story. I mean, she understands that not all nobles are evil, and not all peasants are good, right? Sure, economic circumstances can push individuals towards certain choices and decisions (good or bad), but the important thing is that there’s variability. If Kaytlyn understands that, then it makes her push for meritocracy — itself problematic in some ways — that much more difficult. If she DOESN’T understand it, then she could be setting herself up for a major shock. That’s not a bad thing to make her go through, as long as the story itself (through Kaytlyn or otherwise) acknowledges that things aren’t so clear-cut.

So basically, you’ve got a solid character with lots of directions for her to go in — provided, of course, that you actually go in a direction. If you need to give her something to struggle with — or how/why something goes wrong instead of just shrugging and saying “something went wrong” — then you’ve already given yourself plenty of tools. Use them well.

Whatever the case, good job and good luck.

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#736: Jan 1st 2016 at 6:00:46 AM

[up]She knows that not all nobles are bad and not all peasants are good. She knows full well that meritocracy isn't flawless, but thinks it's better than what they have now. Hence, she wants to be the richest person, which will increase her influence. She trust her own ability to judge others, and will put other people who she thinks is capable and won't abuse their power in high positions. She will build a meritocracy, and will actively make sure the talented and hard-working get opportunities. She isn't naive due to the environment she grew up in, but like One of the Kids, she like having fun and pulling pranks, mischievous and curious. She didn't have chances to enjoy her childhood, so she like playing with other kids in games despite already being an adult. When needed, she gets her act together. Her deceased friend reminds her that she can't afford to be idealistic, that she can't allow herself to fail. However, she can be overconfident and look down on some enemies, especially those who act like an Upper-Class Twit. She has assassins, so she is perfectly willing to kill to achieve her plans, and she is willing to work with nobles who are actually noble and capable, but she isn't willing to betray those she work with unless that was the plan, nor would she harm the innocent. Manipulating the innocent into helping her is fine though.

While she is willing to work with other nobles, she still don't think of them as allies, just people using each other for their own needs. She doesn't have many allies, and she gains many enemies, who often conspire together to kill her. She often do things herself, since she still feels responsible for her friend's death. She know what she doing is dangerous, so is unwilling to drag others into her plans unless necessary, afraid that she will cause their deaths. She even outright tell some to abandon her if things go south, and have backup plans that will ensure she is the only one dying while ensuring her friends are safe.

edited 1st Jan '16 6:31:59 AM by Ikedatakeshi

Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#737: Jan 2nd 2016 at 7:24:28 PM

[up]Yeah, that sounds good. I had a feeling that you'd come up with a "plan of attack" long before posting your character, but I just thought I'd go ahead and ask. She's your character, after all, and the most I can do is learn more about her.

Also, calling in assassins to do her dirty work sounds kind of cool. Granted, there's a part of me that imagines her calling them in to fight on her behalf JoJo style, but I can appreciate a more practical application.

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
Kakai from somewhere in Europe Since: Aug, 2013
#738: Jan 4th 2016 at 11:36:24 AM

[up], may I say how much I admire your ability to analyze characters so well? That's some first-class critique right there.

Anyway, I see nobody's commented on Vrom yet, so I'll do so. First of all, wow, you do like to put your protagonists through hell. Past that, a really sympathetic character, and one to root for thanks to his honour code. It's a small miracle - and a huge credit to Vrom's strength of will - that it survived his mercenary years. Watching it clash with Hideaki's actions is sure to be interesting, and I suppose in time Vrom could develop into sort of Morality Chain for Hideaki, a counterweight to Isabella perhaps. I must admit that I don't quite see how he managed to enroll as a general, though. As I understood his backstory, he's been a lone wolf in days right before Fusion Dancing with the dragon spirit, so he clearly doesn't bring his own army to the party. Where did those people he leads come from?

On other notes, the dragon-based skills, powers etc. are absolutely cool and look like a fertile soil for many an awesome moment, not to mention all the Badass qualifications Vrom certainly has. I would say that the "little sibling to take care of" has been done to death, but in this case it doesn't appear to be annoyingly cliche, though I do hope she has more character than "Drake's little sick sister". And one last question, was name "Drake" chosen on purpose? I don't see Meaningful Name in his trope roster, but in-universe it's be astonishing how fitting it is. Or was it some mild joke on Isabella's part?


Sooo, I've got a character, not from the same group as the previous six, but a side project I'm working on. The world, in case it's important 

  • Name: Tannya Guerra
  • Age: 32
  • Appearance: Tannya's a giant of a woman, tall, bulky and well-muscled (the "does lots of heavy lifting" type, not a bodybuilder). She has lightly-tanned skin, shoulder-long black hair and brown eyes. Her "work uniform" is an archaic suit of armour with a long, red cape (she drops the cape when she gets down to work).
  • Personality: Boisterous and with tendency to charge at her problems head on, both metaphorically and literally. She doesn't pull her punches and is impossibly snarky, often providing a running, mocking commentary when observing something she can't take seriously. She has little tolerance for pathos, formal occasions and other instances of "arranged theatre". She's quite a Blood Knight and launches into her job with fervour and zeal that may be just a bit scary when watched from the side. Despite that, she can be rather quiet and calm when spending free time with her husband. She's rarely scared for him in heat of combat, as she's confident that he can handle himself, but tries to hide her worries when he's assaulted from supernatural side and/or loses sleep because of it, meaning she's much softer on him than on other people.
  • Abilities: She's murder with axe, and her bulk and strength make her very powerful in direct combat. She can handle shotguns and pistols, though she rarely uses the latter. She has a bunch of perks by being The Paladin, from impossibly high pain tolerance through mild Healing Factor, improved reflexes and speed to being able to project Lady Light's powers into her weapons, making them even more potent against the monsters. She's a fairly skilled interrogator and knows many ways to extract information through conversation.
  • Weaknesses: Her battlelust often causes her to launch into insanely dangerous situations and can lead to lot of avoidable collateral damage. While powerful, she's definitely not a One Woman Army and she couldn't be stealthy or sneaky if her life depended on it. Her attitude to life often causes her to dismiss potentially-useful information or sight as inconsequential.
  • Goal: To protect the world from monster invasions and death cults.
  • Motivation: She feels it to be her duty and she relishes the fight; it's unclear which motivates her more.
  • Role in the story: The deuteragonist
  • Backstory: Tannya Carasova has been born into the middle class in Zoncomercia, old "immigrants district" of the city the story takes place in, currently a melting pot of cultures and a city within a city. As a teenager, she got a glimpse of a group of Executors taking out a monster cult nest and got a solid case of awe and nigh-hero worship, deciding that this is what she wants to do in her life. Being a follower of Lady Light, she enrolled in the Order of Punishing Light - which this days is pretty much a branch of Bureau of Executors - and went through training and vows turning her into The Paladin of Lady Light. On theoretical courses on monsters she met Largo Guerra and, during training and trials, discovered that they both more than like each other and work very well together. They married and, for the last eight years, have been working as a Battle Couple of Executors.
  • Relevant Tropes:
    • Archaic Weapon for an Advanced Age: In era of gatlings and radio, she goes around in shining armour and fights with a pair of axes. Justified, as they're magic-imbued relics and much better at killing and stopping monsters than most modern weapons and body armour.
    • An Axe To Grind: Her Weapon Of Choice is a pair of axes with ritual significance which makes them excellent at monster-slashing. She can also channel Lady Light's powers through them.
    • Badass Cape: Her formal garb has a long, red one. Tannya usually ditches it right before combat, as she's very aware that it's a disaster waiting to happen.
    • Battle Couple: She and her husband work together. One being a paladin and other a mage, they have almost supernatural level of synch.
    • Blood Knight: She loves battle to the extent that her husband tries to restrain her sometimes.
    • Blood-Splattered Warrior: With her fighting at very close quarters with very gorey weapons, this is bound to happen.
    • Boisterous Bruiser: She's loud and strong.
    • Brutal Honesty: To quote, she has very little tolerance for bu***it.
    • Color Motif: Red and gold, red especially.
    • Combat Pragmatist: She doesn't like showing off and grandoise gestures, and doesn't believe in applying honour code to cultists and monsters.
    • Deadpan Snarker: The above attitude extends to everyday life, leading to this.
    • Demon Slaying: Her job is killing monsters, which are basically demons I haven't figured out a creative name for yet.
    • Dual Wielding: With axes.
    • Feel No Pain: She has supernatural resistance to pain and wounds and can take absurd amount of punishment before she must back off.
    • Glowing Eyes of Doom/Supernatural Gold Eyes: When they show up, it means asses are about to be kicked and the town will be painted red.
    • Happily Married: With Largo. Him being seriously hurt with her unable to do anything is pretty much her only fear in life.
    • Healing Factor: She heals much faster than normal human.
    • Helmets Are Hardly Heroic: She has a huge suit of armour, but no helmet. She doesn't want to wear one, justifying it by saying that the one that came in package with armour has been lost dozens of years ago, and demons cut through modern non-blessed helms like thorugh tissue paper.
    • Hidden Depths: In-universe, most people dismiss her as brash and loud Blood Knight, but she's actually fairly intelligent and can care for people.
    • Holy Hand Grenade: How her power works when channeled through her weapons. Sometimes, she can channel the power through herself, resulting in something not unlike page picture.
    • Light 'em Up: How the above manifests.
    • Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy/Savvy Guy, Energetic Girl: She's masculine and full of energy, Largo's more introspective, serious and fragile.
    • One of the Boys: With three brothers, and the culture they're from pretty much having Boisterous Bruiser as their hat, her mother just gave up after some time.
    • Red Oni, Blue Oni: Red to Largo's Blue.
    • Religion Is Magic: Her supernatural powers come from her faith and vows to Lady Light.
    • Shotguns Are Just Better: When not using her axes, she uses a shotgun, as she finds it the best weapon for close quarters, which is the distance she usually works at.
    • Statuesque Stunner: Stands at just below two metres.
    • Super-Strength: She's almost inhumanly strong.
    • The Lad-ette: Swearing, drinking and bloodthirsty.
    • The Paladin: Holy warrior of a goddess called Lady Light.
    • There Was a Door: Most doors in Mossoa, especially entrances to secret lairs, aren't built to accomodate people of her stature.
    • Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: Huge Girl (1,96m and bulky) to Largo's Tiny Guy (1,7m and built like a twig).

Rejoice!
Swordofknowledge Spreading literacy with book and blade from I like it here... Since: Aug, 2012 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Spreading literacy with book and blade
#739: Jan 4th 2016 at 7:47:38 PM

[up] Tannaya is a pretty cool heroine for this story. The contrast of the setting's technological level and her archaic yet brutally effective weapons and armor is entertaining to be sure, but the justifications you gave for it rounded out what would have otherwise been pure Rule of Cool (not that there's anything wrong with that). It's difficult to classify why Tannaya stands out to me, but I think it might be the fact that her life feels...well, lived in, if that makes sense. Your descriptions give a clear picture of a character who has a partner, ties to an organization, and a goal they achieved.

My only issue is that she seems a little...generic, for lack of a better word, but without knowing much about the setting and its characters, I can't say that for sure. So take that with a grain of salt.

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#740: Jan 4th 2016 at 11:17:28 PM

[up][up]A female Blood Knight wielding an ax is not exactly uncommon, but none of them have a husband, so use that to your advantage. I doubt anybody would want their spouse to charge in recklessly, which can be used for character conflict and development between the two.

I do have a tendency for having my characters to have tragic backstories, but mostly to help character development and moving past them. Isabella has suspected him of betraying Hideaki like in his previous life, so the turning point for Hideaki's development would be when he has to sacrifice Drake for himself, or decide to risk himself for Drake. His army volunteered to serve under him when he contracted the dragon spirit. Said dragon spirit lead an army of dragon to attack the city in the form of a huge-ass dragon. By blowing himself up with the dragon king to save the town and his sister, he passed the test and gained its power, alongside command of the dragons. Half of his army comprises of dragons with shapeshifting abilities and the other out of gratitude, admiration or surrendered enemies. I forgot the Meaningful Name trope though.

Kakai from somewhere in Europe Since: Aug, 2013
#741: Jan 5th 2016 at 8:13:30 AM

Thank you, @Swordofknowledge, @Ikedatakeshi. Yes, Largo does have his issues with his wife getting herself in harm's way, and I suppose as the story goes on this could come to head. Thanks for that!

Most Paladin Executors are either consummate professionals or monk-like devouts, so Tannya does stand out from this crowd, if not from the rest of lady Blood Knights out there. I'm not quite certain, though, what aspect of her to change/play up to make Tannya somewhat less generic, or even if anything should be changed at all.

As for [up], it makes sense, and it makes Drake even more of a Badass for getting half an army's worth of people who owe him and admire him. And sorry if you read my comment about tragic backstories as a critique - personally, I prefer to write characters without many problems, but their character development suffers for it, so I certainly have nothing against more tragic backgrounds. Overall, the more I read about your characters, the more interesting the entire story is getting for me.

Rejoice!
hellomoto Since: Sep, 2015
#742: Jan 5th 2016 at 10:32:49 PM

Tragic backgrounds shouldn't be tragic for the sake of being tragic, or to make the readers feel 'sad' for the characters when they find out about the tragic part.

Tragic problems in backstories can come about as a natural part of the narrative, because stories need conflict.

Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#743: Jan 6th 2016 at 12:50:26 AM

[up]Well, it kind of is related to the narrative, since most of the tragic stuff happening are the consequences of the actions of the Big Bad. My story has a theme of overcoming the tragedies in your life and becoming a better person. My villains are people that couldn't move past tragedies and difficulties. I agree with your points, and will be careful with this.

BlakBasket Since: Dec, 2015
#744: Jan 6th 2016 at 3:53:20 PM

[up][up] I see your point with "tragic for the sake of tragic" as I have seen people do that to point where it's a big turn off for me. However, tragedies aren't just used as narratives or to move the plot along but it it also used for characterization and character development. It is when tragedies are thrown into the story for the sake of being "Darker and Edgier" is when i becomes an actual problem.

[up] Yes I find your use tragedies very good as well as using it to build characters. I really like your characters and I find Kaytlyn to be the most interesting and is my favorite out of the ones you've posted so far. I would now like to say thanks to both you and Voltech44 for input on Hideki awhile back.

I'll try to post and give more feedback here in a bit since my schedules quite busy with school and other things.

Well, what do you think everyone? ~
Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#745: Jan 6th 2016 at 5:15:46 PM

[up]Thanks for tossing up a character for me to give input on. Certainly got me thinking. And also, thanks to you, Kakai; I wouldn't call anything about me first-class, but if there's one thing I can do, it's put some serious thought into a story. It's probably a consequence of me having a pretty big head.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand suddenly, my avatar makes much more sense.

I'll try and get another character tossed up on this board eventually, if anyone's interested; I've got one or two I've been thinking about a lot recently, so I figure this is a good place for a progress report. I'll still critique characters as they come, of course. So We'll see how it goes from here on.

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
hellomoto Since: Sep, 2015
#746: Jan 6th 2016 at 11:04:39 PM

"My story has a theme of overcoming the tragedies in your life and becoming a better person."

I recommend that the tragedies in their life aren't just some stuff that happen off-screen in backstories. Instead, they're significant events that are fully described and explained as part of the story. Let the readers feel the same way the characters had. Then it's not a case of 'this person's parents died waaaaah!', but something the readers actually understand deeply.

You could also have characters using Freudian Excuses as... well... flippant excuses to continue their evil behaviors.

edited 6th Jan '16 11:05:26 PM by hellomoto

Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#747: Jan 7th 2016 at 12:10:51 AM

[up]Thanks for the advice. I intend to give flashbacks, enough to show how significant it impacted their lives, but not long enough to break the narrative. Some of them will meet with the people that causes of their tragedies and confront them.

Kakai from somewhere in Europe Since: Aug, 2013
#748: Jan 7th 2016 at 1:19:11 AM

[up][up][up]By all means do post your characters, that's what this thread is about, after all wink

[up]Makes sense, it'll certainly make the readers feel the impact more if they see just what caused the characters to have such personality and angst (in the positive way). Show, Don't Tell in it's purest, wouldn't it be?

Rejoice!
Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#749: Jan 7th 2016 at 6:19:54 PM

Okay, so I’ve got another guy set up and ready for review. Have at it.

Also, as a side note? I’ve been following the format laid out by others, but I’d like to make a suggestion that might be helpful and/or neat: adding in a “theme song” for your character that captures his/her essence. It’s not essential by any means, but I’ve got one locked down for this guy, and it’s helped me out a lot. So, you know, just something to consider. Or share, and expose other tropers to sick tracks.

In any case, here's my guy. Strap in.

Name: Davis Landrover

Theme Song: “Eagleheart” by Stratovarius

Age: 24

Appearance: 5’10”, with blue eyes and reddish hair. Thanks to his general line of work and natural abilities, he’s got an athletic build — kind of like a lean boxer, or something similar. True to the story’s theme (cars, and machines to a lesser extent), his attire makes him look like a cross between a mechanic and a soldier…though typically, he’s very scruffy-looking. Thanks to his perpetually bad luck, he constantly looks like he’s been tossed around by a sandstorm. At the start of his story, that’s basically what he’s been through.

Personality: A good guy, through and through. With a strong personal belief in the power of “guts”, he always tries to stay in high spirits and keep a smile on his face. He’ll willingly put himself out there to protect the innocent and beat the bad guys, as heroes would. So you could say he has a noble code of honor…which is true, but it’s partly the result of him being a nerd. A corny sense of idealism, a Samaritan in every sense of the word, no shortage of awful “dad jokes”, and a starry-eyed adoration of his world’s version of Power Rangers — he practically makes fun of himself just by existing.

Abilities: Davis, like others in his world, is a Driver — a human with souped-up physical abilities and the power to control the elements (or one of them, at least). In Davis’ case, he can play with fire, and toss it as long as his stamina holds out. He’s also a competent fighter, and specializes in hand-to-hand combat — albeit with some specially-made equipment.

Weaknesses: Water will ruin his day, and in more ways than one. It’s not like he can’t go out in the rain, but a sufficient amount of the wet stuff will snuff out his flames. On top of that, he’s extremely uncomfortable around large amounts of water; he shies away from them, gets seasick easily, and — as you’d expect — he swims about as well as the average brick.

In terms of personality, he’s not exactly all smiles and rainbows. He sure acts like it, and tries his hardest to be “the hero”, but it’s a way to mask his baggage. His life is a catalogue of misfortune, in both small ways and large; in the latter’s case, he’s a failure of a soldier who consistently couldn’t keep towns safe from the baddies, couldn’t save innocents, and couldn’t protect his comrades — many of whom are dead at the story’s outset. Underneath that constant smile and cheery exterior lies a broken man desperate to atone for past failures — but despite his courageous persona, he’s terrified of what could happen if he fails again.

Also? He knows full well what happens if the façade breaks. That is to say, you DON’T want to make him angry. EVER.

Motivation: In a lot of ways, he’s out to make up for the people and places he failed. He recognizes that, even if he’s not exactly happy to admit it (though he will if pressed). Still, he genuinely wants to do the right thing, and be a hero in place of those who don’t stand a chance against the forces of evil — and to be fair, a pyrokinetic fighter has a much better chance than most. Given that his world comes under fire from a warlord of ages past who commands an army ofrobotic hellspawn — and is so powerful that she previously went toe-to-toe with what’s effectively a goddess — he figures that if he doesn’t take a stand, even more people will suffer. Basically, he has to find the guts to stand up and fight again — and again, and again, and again.

Role in the story: The hero — and before long, the leader of a band of seven (and eight, albeit temporarily). While he’s not the only one striking out to beat the bad guys, he and his team are the ones putting up the most blatant effort to stop her cold. Part of that comes from a trinket entrusted to Davis by a supposedly-MIA comrade and friend: using a key-shaped jewel, he and his crew can drive into the leylines dotting the world and enter the anomalous geographic areas few others can reach (at least not without tons of complex machines) and thwart the baddies' plans.

He’s wary of what could happen if/when he screws up, to the point where the mere risk of losing someone leaves him paralyzed (at the outset, at least), but he still leads regardless; he knows he won’t accomplish anything — or live for long — without a good team to help him out. And he takes his mission VERY seriously.

Relevant Tropes:

  • Hope Bringer: It’s worth noting that he does more than fight bad guys; his band of super fighting heroes basically doubles as a troupe of performers (thanks to an incident early on where his antics are mistaken for a comedy act), and manage to bring smiles to the faces of the downtrodden people amidst their travels. More specifically…
  • Big Brother Instinct: At the start of his story, Davis meets a little girl named Erica who’s seen some bad luck of her own — and doesn’t share his good cheer. He lends her a hand, but it’s not enough to make her break out of her shell. His response? Stay in contact with her throughout his travels —i.e. almost the entirety of the story — trying to cheer her up however and whenever he can. Incidentally, he ALSO has his adoptive little brother (well, 20-year-old brother) travelling alongside him.
  • Catchphrase: Tends to add “with guts!” to the ends of several sentences, especially when describing an action. (“Time to start cooking — with guts!”) Failing that, he’s got the multi-purpose “Have guts, will travel!”
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: His mind goes to some strange places sometimes. Still…
  • Good Is Not Dumb: Most people assume he’s an idiot because of some of the corny stuff he says and does. Then he goes on to outwit some of the “smarter” fighters that come his way. Also? As it turns out, he’s fairly well-versed in the humanities. (Other subjects, not so much.)
  • Hot-Blooded: In a sense. He seems pretty low-key most of the time, but he’s got the courage and spirit that usually go along with the archetype. Not that he’ll refuse to break out the brazen lines, of course.
  • Fanboy: He’s intensely passionate about the “Super Brave Force” franchise, which might as well be a Power Rangers knockoff. He’s got the trading cards, goes to conventions, and has an encyclopedic knowledge of countless episodes. Takes it up a notch when he actually integrates some of the moves and concepts into his fighting style — along with the occasional pose or hammy dialogue.
  • Playing with Fire: Can control fire, as well as create it via the energy inside him (and woven into the atmosphere, to a lesser extent). On top of that, he’s also able to generate huge amounts of heat, whether it’s in bursts or waves. However…
  • Required Secondary Powers: As a Driver, he has a natural defense against fire so he doesn’t burn himself — a sort of invisible energy field around him, so to speak. But if he overexerts himself, that field weakens and even vanishes. And that leads to unpleasant times.
  • Bare-Fisted Monk: Technically he’s got armored gloves and boots, but the point still stands. His punches, kicks, and counterattacks are strong enough in their own right, but combined with his flame powers, he can increase his range and versatility in a number of ways.
  • Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: He lives in a world that’s not wanting for guns and firearms. The problem is that he’s a TERRIBLE shot with them.
  • Master of None: He’s the most well-rounded of his team, but the other six each have a specialty that lets them do way more than Davis can. It’s a point of concern for him, but he makes up for it by 1) being a stalwart supporter regardless, 2) coordinating their moves as their leader, and 3) compensating by keeping his skills in top form.
  • The Drifter: In the past, he spent his days bouncing from one guild to the next in an effort to protect others from the creatures that have roamed for centuries — but time and time again, it ended in disaster for everyone but him. Following his most recent failure — one which he thought led to the death of a precious partner — he’s pretty much aimlessly wandering across the globe, helping out whoever and wherever his travels take him. Then he gets a message and the key jewel from her, which starts his journey…and shortly after, the main plot.
  • Chef of Iron: He’s a fighter-for-hire, so to speak, but he’s also the primary chef (and a good one, at that) for any team he’s on. His specialty dish is a nice bowl of chili.
  • Team Mom: Overlaps a bit with Team Dad, but he’s less about being strict and more about making sure his comrades can feel all warm and fuzzy.
  • Pungeon Master: LOVES tossing out corny jokes and one-liners — even if his antics earn him groans, eye rolls, and punches to the face.
  • Perpetual Poverty: Fun fact: being a wanderer who’s spent the past year or so walking the earth and volunteering to help others isn’t exactly good for the wallet. Who knew?
  • The Jinx: His luck has been terrible since he was a kid, but that bad luck can and will inflict misery, pain, and death upon others. Comrades, friends, innocents, even his parents — he feels like he’s responsible for all of it. He’s not entirely wrong to think that, given the correlation.
  • Tranquil Fury: Because of the nature of his powers, he knows that if he ever loses control he’ll do irrevocable damage. But there are times when he does get angry, and lapses into this. It’s the best way to keep his mantra of fighting with a serene state of mind intact…in the ideal scenario. In the worst-case scenario…
  • Take a Third Option: Brutally deconstructed. At the start of the story, he meets his MIA lady-friend, as well as the Big Bad. Even with their combined efforts, she proves too much for them to handle — and the baddie decides to screw with Davis royally. She forces him to choose between saving the girl, or saving a bunch of nearby innocents she has trapped. Davis opts to try and save everyone...which ends with everyone slaughtered before his eyes, as well as our hero beaten within an inch of his life. It's an incident that weighs on him throughout the entire story, and also gives him even more of a reason to go on his journey. So arguably, he's also doing it for revenge — and may or may not lead to him going over the edge. Who's to say? Bad guys can bring out the worst in a person.

That should pretty much do it for now. Ask me questions if you’ve got ‘em. And of course, thanks in advance for reading my junk. Wait…

edited 7th Jan '16 6:54:31 PM by Voltech44

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#750: Jan 8th 2016 at 1:23:25 AM

[up]Not the most unique character, but I see potential. I assume their abilities also tie in with their personalities, thus Davis' fear of water, right? I would expect someone whose weakness is water would train their ass off to be able to swim, especially someone who is afraid of failing to save people like Davis. I like him, and is interested on how he would develop.

Now I will introduce the Love Interest for Drake. Before that, I need to fill in some details about the world I'm writing. My world is set in a Medieval European Fantasy, around the 13th to 14th century. The Fair Folk, {Beast Folks}} and the other members of the Five Races exists, but only elves are treated in high esteem.(Not always) Most are treated as slaves or purged by the church. Magicians are also purged, with only the higher class knowing a few spells. Healing magic and body enhancing magic still exists, but the former is only practiced by the church. 15 years prior to the start of the story, a plague broke out. A cult managed to figure out that rats were the cause, but instead of informing others, instead used it to spread their influence. They infest churches with rats and spread the disease. They say that the plague was punishment from god for believing in Christianity, and that they are the right religion. They can turn people into demons, which can resist the plague. The cult's influence spreads, and war broke out between them. This served as the catalyst for several events.

Name: Lynnette Bedelia Egbertine

Age: 20

Appearance: A beautiful young woman with long crimson hair and ruby red eyes. Due to being a knight, she is more well-built then the average woman, with a modest chest and long legs.

Personality: She acts serene and apathetic towards others, no matter what she is feeling inside. She is always calm, even in battle, and acts indifferent towards others. She acts as an knight, and possess knightly values of chivalry and the desire to uphold the law. She is strong-willed, resolute and courageous. However, loyalty to her lord comes first, and she isn't to question her master's orders, but to follow them without hesitation, like a sword in a warrior's hand. Independent and reserved, she appear cold to allies and arrogant to enemies. Deep inside, she is a lonely girl trying to put on a strong front and living up to her family's expectations. She also like cute things, but doesn't fawn over them to keep up her image.

Abilities: Trained in swordsmanship from a young age, she is one of the most skilled swordsman. She is also nimble and fast, capable enough to fight off multiple opponents with ease. Her aim is also excellent, capable at the bow, and later, a matchlock rifle. Like Drake, she also contracts with a spirit, a phoenix. The phoenix gives her power over fire, generating and shooting fireballs, albeit with limited range. She can also place feather-like seals on object, which will cause it to burst into flames, incinerating anything in a 10 meter radius. She also gains healing abilities, recovering from wounds.

Weaknesses: While she is skilled, she doesn't have enough physical strength to back up her strikes, nor is she able to take strong hits. Her healing abilities are also limited by her stamina.

Goal: Like Drake.

Motivations: Acknowledging Hideaki as her master, she feels its her duty to follow his orders and help him in his motivations. She also cares about her friends and wishes to be by their side to protect them.

Role in story: Supporting character.

Backstory: She was born in a noble family. The Egbertine family was close to the king, and their ancestor a knight to Aldric. They expect any descendants, be it man or woman, to serve as a knight, so Lynna received harsh training from young. Her family was affected greatly by the plague and the war afterwards, leaving her and her older sister as the last remaining members of the family. Eventually, her sister sacrificed herself to save her life, leaving her alone. She was taken in by a noble family whose head was indebted to the Egbertines. Said feelings of gratitude was not shared between the other members of the family, who mistreated her. Feeling obligated as the last remaining member of her family, she continues her training, despite not wanting to. She was surrounded by misogynistic knights who looked down on her for being a woman and mocking her family for their downfall.

Relevant tropes:

Came Back Strong: Was near-death before she formed her contract.

Cannot Tell a Joke: Her serious demeanor and lack of sense of humor causes any attempt at joking to come across as awkward at best, cringe-worthy at worst.

Combat Pragmatist: While she usually fight fairly in a duel, she still use any method possible when she can't afford to lose.

The Comically Serious: She always react seriously.

Ice Queen: At first, but turns into a Defrosting Ice Queen.

Broken Bird: She lost her entire family at the age of 11.

Cool Big Sis: Despite being younger than most of the main cast, she is this to them.

Team Mom: Eventually becomes this with Character Development.

The Medic: She can also heal others.

Lethal Chef: Never put anything she cooks into your mouth.

Lady of War

Fragile Speedster: She is fast, but a powerful strike can incapacitate her.

Action Girl: Not the only one, but is the strongest one.

Wreathed in Flames: Combines this with her armor, which is also formed from fire.

Ancestral Weapon: Her sword.

Instant Armor: Can instantly create one from her flames.

Berserk Button: While she normally endures it, she will be really pissed if you mock her family. Extends to hurting her friends later on.

Knight in Shining Armor: Her entire family is this.

Badass Cape: Not impractical, since it is also made up of fire. Many people tried pulling it and ended up being burned.

Sword Beam: Her only long ranged attack.

Cultured Badass

The Fettered: Being a knight, she has to be this.

Blind Obedience: She loses it over time.

The Stoic: Make Drake look emotional in comparison.

Not so Stoic: Completely breaks down, crying and begging for someone to help her.

Took a Level in Badass: Become a powerful knight capable of incinerating legions.

Undying Loyalty

Fatal Flaw: Being wilful. Trying to become something she isn't really cut out to be, nor what she really wants.

Big Sister Worship: Her sister always helped her, being caring and kind when she is tired from her training.

Not so Different: With Drake and Hideaki, which allows them to bond.

Play with Fire

Tranquil Fury: Even when she is angry, she acts stoic.

Heroic BSoD

No Social Skills: Even worse than Drake.

Women Prefer Strong Men: Her family demands this, but she is attracted to strong men, be it physically or mentally.


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