feeling blue
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He was very little when he got brought into Makai, around 7 or 8 years old likely. Thinking about it, saying he's not very durable was a bit of a mistake on my part, he's as durable as a trained human fighter can be, but he often deals with creatures that can dish out a lot of pain (such as the Oni themselves, which have Super-Strength) making him look comparatively less resistant. The fact that he can passively No-Sell magical abilities also makes him a very efficient Mage Killer too which at least makes him very durable on that front. As such I thought Mighty Glacier would be the most fitting one to qualify him as.
Hey, i write more for Brandon here. Just give me time. Now...
Brandon Story Arc and motives:
Actually Brandon was created with the motive of show how a Good Guy raised by good parents in a good social status can act in a Crapsack World. He start like the most emotially stable in the story. Misao is nearly broken and is recovering of depression, Arthur has a screwed familiar life, and The Big Guy is a shell shocked and empty man.
Brandon is the Only Sane Man, sans his ocassional excentricity.
His story of his life after starting to live in Bachilea is...complicated.
He initially found The Black Castle thanks to follow a accident, he ended joining to the Expedition Troup, a operation formed for militaries with civilian help (because only a few people can found The Black Castle, if are someone who can inter into the castle they just pick him).
Bran eventually meet Misao, Arthur and Makoto. Become friends with them and form a good link with Misao. Then Misao told him a secret, she is actually a member of The Magic Clan, a group of Magical Girl. (Oh Misao, you a girl with many weird facts. I gonna make a write up of her). And she know about the Gate of Life, a gate who maybe lead to other world, a world destroyed.
Brandon and Misao infiltred to discover if that is truth and when the open the gate they learn a Awful Truth, actually the people of the Other side and a part of Bachilea army are in a secret war.
edited 25th Oct '15 6:40:52 PM by KazuyaProta
Watch me destroying my countryBeing the Only Sane Man makes Brandon good for mediation and helps make him an Audience Surrogate, not in the "I need intel" type, but in the "I'm doing what any rational person would do if you plucked them from the audience and put 'em here." That's a good concept.
- Name: Demitur (said like Demeter; Eclipse concept).
- Summary: One of the oldest dragons in existence, Demitur is a leading member of the Dragon Council at City Hall, usually acting as an organizer and mediator. She doesn't have any official rank or title, but her seniority makes her the de facto head of the Dragon Council; thus, the leader of the dragons in City Hall.
- Appearance: Demitur is a larger than average dragon, with blue scales, serrated fangs, horizontal pupils, and a few small whiskers on her snout. Her tail is similar to that of a scorpion's, but less segmented or armored.
- Personality: Stern yet fair, Demitur is famous for her Demitur Treatment, where she uses her size to tower over people as a way to coerce them. She has a reputation as a mediator and a manager, enforcing decorum in the Dragon Council and punishing those who break decorum (usually by withholding food while they stay at City Hall). Like any Dragon, Demitur is incredibly ruthless in combat, often using her claws to rip off chunks of flesh from her enemies, or using her spiked tail to constrict someone via impalement. She is very curious about humans, and often reacts with bemusement, surprise, or confusion whenever she discovers something new about them. She has an odd mindset, one peppered with misunderstanding human tools: she thinks a smartphone, for example, is a rock inhabited by a fairy that talks through it, because that's what happens in her realm, so she assumes it happens to humans as well. Unlike most dragons, Demitur doesn't hold family in very high regard, but keeping with tradition, she follows Never Speak Ill of the Dead to a T. Demitur lacks the arrogance and aggression typical of her species, and is less willing to dismiss people she dislikes or disagrees with.
- Backstory: A school of Centaurs were encroaching on her clan's territory, angering Demitur's mother, who led an attack against the Centaurs' nearby village. While not opposing intimidation to get the Centaurs to back away, Demitur opposed her mother's decision to Leeroy Jenkins it up and launch a raid against an unknown opponent; but went with it for the sake of the clan. During the fighting, Demitur ordered a retreat, against her mother's wishes. This prompted her mother to turn away, give chase, and slam Demitur's head to the ground for running away. Demitur, after a heated argument, called out her mother for her arrogance, outmaneuvered her mother's grasp, and impaled her mother through the neck with her tail; becoming the new head of her clan as well as guaranteeing her a seat on the Dragon Council.
- Based on the seniority custom, Demitur eventually became Number Two to Ederlie, the oldest Dragon at the time and a member of a clan who co-founded City Hall and formed the Dragon Council; traditionally serving as council chief. True to form, Ederlie was more arrogant and aggressive than Demitur; he was notorious for his disdain towards his species' main rivals, even when there are no hostile relations of late. Demitur was alarmed by Ederlie's supremacist mindset, and she feared that Ederlie would orchestrate land-grabs from the Centaurs, Elves, Dwarves, Satyrs, Fauns, Griffins, and Basilisks, among others. On the day she met Alice Sitchri, Ederlie suddenly died, and City Hall was attacked by several Orc tribes, Ogre bands, Harpies, and Trolls, all of whom wanted to dislodge the dragons from City Hall. After beating back the invasion, and calling for help from Centaurs, Dwarves, and Elves, Demitur became a realm-renowned war hero, whose Gondor Calls for Aid moment helped to diffuse tensions with her species and others.
- Abilities: As one of the oldest dragons in existence, Demitur is horrifyingly powerful, able to produce earthquakes when she's about to push off the ground to fly. If she flies over an area, a casual glide provokes a wind current so ferocious that it becomes comparable to a hurricane. A single flap from her wings produces wind strong enough to deforest the Amazon rainforest. While in combat, she uses her tail for impalement, rips off chunks of flesh from her enemies, and prefers to get her opponents to bleed out slowly.
- Role: She is still the de facto leader of the Dragon Council, currently mediating between the various clan heads, establishing friendlier ties with her neighbors, and sending sleepers to analyze the human world. She is a friend to Alice Sitchri, and is taking great pains to keep her involvement in Ederlie's death secret. Many Dragons believe she either killed Ederlie herself, or had a part in the invasion, and the rumormongers in the Welsh Circle believe that Alice is more involved in events than she actually is. Demitur is keeping her allies in line while fighting back accusations that she had Ederlie killed to become the new head of the Council.
edited 28th Oct '15 1:10:30 PM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
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Would one of you two kindly give a critique about Yuki?It's on the previous page.
Well, I'm kind of interested in knowing how Edelise died now. It seems that there's a hidden twist about it. Demitur seems to be a well-refined Big Good, if I did understand well her role, even if she seems to be a bit IgnorantOfHerOwnIgnorance, or something like that.
edited 28th Oct '15 2:01:41 PM by JusticEqualsVengeance
What is anime? Anime is...only a weeaboo way of saying animation, really.@Yuki: She sounds like an interesting character, though I particularly am not too fond of very egocentrical characters like her, as a Token Evil Teammate I think she's pretty effective though at the same time I do have to wonder if she might be a little too much problematic for her allies to keep putting up with her. I'm very curious about the story because it seems like there's a lot going on just from her backstory alone
Now, I'm gonna for the second major character of my story:
- Name: Eiko
- Appearance: She's a siamese cat with chocolate colored fur. She tends to keep changing her appearance when shapeshifting so her appearance when transformed is very inconsistent.
- Age: Uncertain, as she never elaborates on it. She does have a tendency of shapeshifting into a teenage girl, for what it's worth.
- Personality: Eiko is a very peppy girl, she's the life of any party, being highly sociable and playful. She's very affectionate as well, though only towards people she's knows very well. She's a bit on the loud side, especially when she wants to get someone's attention, but she is very well aware of when she should be quiet and when it's ok for her to be loud. Eiko is loyal and kind, being completely devoted to her master and always trying her best to leave him as happy as she can manage. However, Eiko also has some issues regarding self-worth, often beating herself up over the slightest mistakes and she never seems to let go of any bad experiences she goes through, as such, when she really messes up and ends up hurting someone she cares for, she doesn't take it well and her behavior gets considerably more melancholic. She's well-intentioned in her actions for the most part, but she has trouble thinking of any long-term consequences, being a person that focuses more on the present than in the future, and that often results in her ideas backfiring on her.
- Abilities:
- The most notable ability Eiko has is the ability to shapeshift into humans and other human-like beings. However, she has limits such as only being able to copy them in appearance, not powers beyond their body's capabilities, and she typically can only shapeshift to something as tall as a adult human.
- Being a cat, she keeps many of her traits even as she shapeshifts, namely an ability to see in the dark, more sensitive hearing and smell, very good agility and ability to fall of high altitudes without harming herself.
- She also has the ability to manipulate darkness. Being capable of animating her own shadow to act as a helper during battles or chores, though her shadow copy is very frail and will be destroyed by any strong attack and she has a cooldown period before she can summon it again. She can also fuse herself with her shadow, enveloping herself in a dark aura that enhances her abilities further, however this quickly begins to tire her out.
- Shadow Dash: Eiko zips around very quickly while leaving a shadowy trail behind her. When fused with her shadow, it essentially becomes a Flash Step.
- Shadow Gap: Eiko splits her shadow in two and moves one of them somewhere else before diving into the one next to her and resurfacing on the position of the other one. It can't be used when she's fused with her shadow or when it's animated and it can't be used by others outside of fellow Bakeneko.
- Umbra Claw: Eiko infuses her claws with her power, it allows her to have increased power behind her slashes, but she can also fire off dark waves from her claws by slashing at the air.
- On a more mundane aspect, Eiko is a very good maid, being able to do housework quickly and with efficiency. She's also skilled at making potions and has a surprising knowledge of medicine
- Weaknesses: Eiko is frail and can't take too much punishment. She's also unable to shapeshift when she's tired. Her enhanced senses can also get more easily overwhelmed by very loud noises or very strong smells than those of a normal person.
- Goals: She wants to become strong so she won't have to lose anyone else and also to make her master proud. She also wishes to take her revenge on the Nekomata and return the Bakeneko village to their rightful owners.
- Motivations: Her guilt and anger over the loss of her family; and also her loyalty towards her master.
- Role in the Story: Deuteragonist and also responsible for a good portion of the exposition in the story.
- Backstory: Eiko lived happily alongside her family in the Bakeneko village, however one day the Nekomata, the rivals of her species, attacked them and got very close to wiping out all of them. Eiko was one of the survivors although her family didn't have the same luck. Without a family and a place to live, she joined her fellow survivors as they tried to find somewhere to live. This brought them to the Oni territory and more specifically their capital, the city of Akasha. There, the surviving leader of the Bakeneko asked the Devas for help getting their village back, but unfortunately got denied due to the events happening outside of Oni territory and as such giving them no right to intervene. With that having failed, the Bakeneko began living in the city, with the Devas's permission, as basically stray cats and Eiko eventually started to live on her own, spending most of her time in a park watching the citizens living out their daily cities with envy as she reminisced about the time where she was able to do the same. One of the ones she frequently saw was Saburo, one of the most well-known Oni of the city due to his fighting proficiency. Just as she took note of him, he noticed her and, knowing about the struggle of her species, he offered her a place in his home, which Eiko gleefully accepted. From then on, she began living as Saburo's pet Bakeneko and was treated with love and care that she had thought she would never experience again.
- Relevant Tropes
- Bi The Way: She is very fond of both boys and girls although she's not searching for a relationship as she wants to focus on more important things first.
- Black-and-White Morality: She tends to view the world in this way, which causes her issues as she begins to see all Nekomatas as evil and all Oni as good, for example.
- Catchphrase: She has an admit of saying "Purrfect!" when things start going well.
- Catgirl: Subverted to an extent, Eiko usually shapeshifts without leaving any of her cat features apparent, though sometimes she does so when she's messing around
- Consummate Liar: Being under the care of an Oni, Eiko was trained to never lie, however unlike Kenshin she still has it in her to lie effectively and thanks to being raised by Saburo, most people are willing to take her lies without much question as long as it sounds believable enough, making Eiko very effective at deception
- Dark Is Not Evil: She's the most prominent user of dark magic in the story and is one of the kindest characters.
- Fantastic Racism: She hates Nekomatas with a passion.
- Happily Adopted: She absolutely loves Saburo, who treats her as a pet, but still takes care of her as if she were a daughter of his own.
- Like Brother and Sister: Her relationship with Kenshin boils down to this. Kenshin is one of the few people Eiko is willing to open her heart to and she's very affectionate towards him though she has no intents of making a move on him. Meanwhile, Kenshin is sympathetic of Eiko's struggles and wishes only to see her happy and well, protecting her just as much as he protects him and not being afraid to show some affection towards her.
- The Matchmaker: She often tries to hook up Saburo with other girls, which often results in her being placed on the corner of shame. She does this to Kenshin as well, which tend to ends significantly better for her, but not for him.
- The Medic: Whenever someone gets hurt, it's usually Eiko who has to take care of it.
- Ms. Exposition: She often has to provide Kenshin (and the reader) with explanations about Makai since he being from Earth wouldn't know much of it.
- Only One Name: She refuses to take Saboru's surname as she believes herself to be unworthy of his family name even though he himself is fine with it.
- Parrot Pet Position / Head Pet: Thanks to her master being huge, Eiko often climbs on him and hangs on either his shoulders or head, though she refrains from hanging on his head in public just to not embarrass him, otherwise, he's perfectly fine with it. She sometimes tries to do this on Kenshin but with considerably less comfort and success.
- Pungeon Master: She loves her cat puns.
- Revenge: A major part of her character arc is her dealing with this.
- Spanner in the Works: Her mere presence is this as the villains weren't expecting an user of dark magic to be such a prominent ally of the five human children and as a result Eiko ends up being a massive wild card in the grand scheme of things.
edited 29th Oct '15 4:26:21 PM by FullMoon
If I may join the thread... Eiko seems good character-wise and going by what you wrote about her, I really like her. Her powers are also interesting, albeit I'm not sure if Shadow Gap isn't too overpowered - I probably wouldn't make it possible when Eiko's fused with her shadow, but your call. Two questions about her backstory, though. For one, if her home village was raided and slaughtered, what is the problem settling back in it? Did Nekomata decide to live in it, or did they raze it, and if they razed it, what's stopping Bakuneko from rebuilding it? As for the other thing, I must admit Saburu offering her a place in his house out of goodness of his heart the first time he notices her doesn't really convince me, albeit I don't know what he's like, so maybe it's probable.
Rejoice!
All are welcome.
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I forgot to mention last time that I'm pleasantly surprised to run into you, here, Moon.
As for Eiko, she's essential a servant, and it shows, if not differently than most servants in media. You don't often see servant characters that also happen to be party animals.
edited 29th Oct '15 11:04:33 AM by TroPartner
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I did mention Shadow Gap can't be used when she's fused with her shadow, though I understand your concern, I probably will limit it's range as well, still, it's pretty telegraphed where Eiko is going so as long as one pays attention to her shadow's position she won't be able to get much from it, it's mostly going to be used as a way of getting around.
As for her backstory, the Nekomata took over her village and they also almost wiped all of them out (I haven't thought the exact number of survivors, but they were very few) so rebuilding would be really hard. As for the thing with Saburo (I just realized I've been mispelling his name this entire time, whoops, could've sworn the actual name was Saboru) they way I worded it was wonky but the actually saw each other quite a few times before he decided to take her in, mainly due to often seeing her (since he passed by the area she was usually hanging around very often) looking sad and lonely and Saburo generally being a nice guy.
Pretty much, she's Saburo's (and Kenshin's) maid and pet, but as long as she gets her tasks done and doesn't cause trouble she's free to do as she pleases and if nothing else she brings a healthy dose of energy to their home.
edited 29th Oct '15 7:10:35 PM by FullMoon
Ah, can't use it. Sorry, I misread it. As for the rest, it does clear it up and make sense now. If they've seen each other before, then it's not so out of place for Saburo to take her in.
I'll put my character here... I intend to make the main quartet of characters the Four-Temperament Ensemble, so I'd be grateful if someone could tell me if the personality fits the archetype. This one's supposed to be melancholic. For context, the world is Steam/Diesel Punk with The Fair Folk and some magic.
- Name: Reil Cigfran
- Appearance: Like most noblemen, Reil is rather slender, although he got some mass from his service in the army. He has oddly pale skin, grey eyes a bit bigger than usual and glossy black hair he usually keeps tied in sailor's ponytail. He also has a short beard to counter his youthful appearance.
- Age: 24
- Personality: Reil is thoughtful and soft-spoken, albeit rather strict when it comes to having his men behave themselves. In public, he expects himself and everyone else to act their best, but when surrounded by his family or friends, he eases off and is tolerant of other's quirks and behaviours. When interacting with others of his status, he's polite to a fault and prefers to listen rather than speak. He believes greatly in both noblesse oblige rule and soldier's duty to the queen, but this is trumped by his loyalty to his men. He's not easy to anger and his fury, rarely as it comes, is more of a tranquil kind - albeit his Berserk Button Cawleth can leave him bristling with anger. He often second-guesses himself and has trouble opening up to people. During his Sanity Slippage, his behaviour becomes more frantic and erratic, with oft changes of mood and unnatural smile never leaving his face.
- Abilities:
- Reil knows how to use most firearms, the bare basics of hand-to-hand combat and a bayonet. He can manage a sabre, albeit he's not excellent with it.
- He's well-versed in political landscape of city capital and can navigate it with ease. He's good at listening to people.
- He can always sense wild magic in vicinity and has strange connection with ravens - they flock to him and he sometimes sees through their eyes in his dreams. As the story goes on, this turns into more direct control.
- Weaknesses: All in all, he's still a human, with all that entails, and in addition to that, the events of the story see him exhausted, increasingly questioning his own sanity, and finally going mildly insane before he gets better. He's not good at reaching out to other people and often stops himself before speaking his mind when it would be useful. His dislike of Cawleth blinds him to the truth about him.
- Goals: He wants to stop the war between his nation and its neighbour, free himself from influence of witch Tuthwalai and, later, stop Cawleth from going through with his Evil Plan.
- Motivation: His desire to see people he loves and admires being alive; his fear of Tuthwalai; general dislike of the idea of The End of the World as We Know It.
- Role in the story: Deuteragonist, arguably The Hero.
- Backstory: Lord and lady Cigfran being unable to have a child, they decided to strike a deal with Jerkass Genie Tuthwalai, who provided them with a Fae kid in exchange for one of their children - either Reil or any that would appear in the future - becoming hers when it hits its teenage years. As Reil, unaware of his origins and still the only child, turned eleven, his parents started a secret war with Tuthwalai and managed to hold on to their child until he was sixteennote . Because of this, Reil has grown up rather sheltered and with little contact with people on occassions other than official events. Cigfrans being one of older and more influential noble houses, he was provided with the best education available, as well as a huge legacy of family honour and service to the Queen. To satisfy those last two, he joined the army, albeit rather than as a cavalry officer, he chose to be a non-com in motorized infantry. By now, he's a sergeant in charge of an independent fire teamnote .
- Relevant tropes:
- Animal Motifs: Ravens. His hair are described as raven black, his powers are connected with ravens and his surname means Raven.
- Animal Eye Spy: His dreams of ravens.
- Sanity Slippage: Undergoes one as a result of his Fae legacy "waking up", his dreams and Tuthwalai's influence.
- Lethal Chef: His cooking is downright atrocious. A Running Gag of sorts.
- Love Interest: He's infatuated with his mother's protege and a fellow noblewoman Morgaine.
- The Rival: Has one if form of Asmael Cawleth, Royal Chancellor, who's flirting with Morgaine and whom she actually seems to like.
- Green-Eyed Monster: The reason behind his dislike of Morgaine.
- A Father to His Men: Will do everything to protect his subordinates.
- Odd Friendship: Has one with his squad member Nidd, who comes from lowest layers of the city and is rather cheerful.
- The Quiet One: With strangers.
- Changeling Fantasy: His biological parents are Fae.
- Eerie Pale-Skinned Brunette: His appearance. Nidd sometimes notes that at night, he looks like a wraith.
- Grey Eyes: A sign of his connection with Fae.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Strikes a deal with Tuthwalai to save the world in exchange for her finally getting her wish and getting him. Subverted when Morgaine employs Loophole Abuse.
- Right for the Wrong Reasons: He suspects Cawleth to be hiding something behind his facade and believes him artificial because of his intense dislike of the man, but turns out to be right.
- Disapproving Look: Often employs these rather than words to chastise his men.
You need to explain its backstory better. I'm confused about this child exchange. Is Reail adopted or something like that?
Name: It, Thing,Object, Thug, Judas, The Dragon Without Fangs.
Age: 6000, approximately.
Appearance: Judas wears an humanoid armor, with horns in its head. The armor is full of vampire language's sayings carved on it. He carries a sheath for his sword in his back.
Under his armor, there is an albino, white hair, red eyes humanoid figure. It prefers to be called "It". In this sheet I will call it "Judas".
Personality: Shows little to no personality other than a repeated subservience to Mercenary and pragmatism.
In the past, it used to be somebody, but Judas lost his identity to reach his objectives.
Abilities: In his backstory, Judas went under a heavy process of meditation, so he no longer feels hunger for blood. That also sharpened his mind to the point that, if he wants to hit something, he will hit. His armor is also very resistant and hard to break.
As any vampire, he can suck blood from humans through bite. Normally that only makes him stronger and faster, and immune to the sunlight but, if he sucks a particularly big quantity of blood, he begins to transform in a bull-bat humanoid creature, with increased physical resistance, ability to fly, and increased sexual drive.
Weaknesses: His sword is far from the strongest and can't penetrate through very hard materials. In general, he's a Fragile Speedster. As vampire, sunlight burns him, but not kill him. But he will need to suck blood to heal his wounds.
Goals: Judas wants to bring "The Light" to the vampire race of his Universe. In other words, make them truly die and go to Heaven, using a copy of Jacob's Ladder.
Motivation: It is the progenitor of all vampires in his home universe, and loves eeach one of them equally. With the humans extinct, his "kids" suffer, and he wants to give them "Heaven". No matter how astronomic the cost.
Role In The Story: The Big Guy of Team "Old And Acid". Not much of a role, really. More like a tool that Mercenary uses when he needs to cut, strike or punch something without moving a finger.
Backstory:Judas was the son of Dionysus and the demon Lilith. He was the first vampire of his universe, that sucked blood from humans(their "wine") and had to hide from the light that, while didn't kill him, made him suffer severely.
After growing up to adult age, Judas began to not only suck blood from humans as turning some of them in vampires, in a chance of 1 to 32. If he didn't suck blood for some time, he suffered with horrible nightmares. Asking his mother why he had this nightmares, she said this was the price that all of her sons and daughters had to pay, for her sin of not submitting to Adam, and only by transmitting this suffering, this "sin", to Adam's descendants, they could be "free" of it, only if for a time, and get "pleasure" of humans in exchange. She also said this curse would be transmitted to all those who were turned in vampires.
Centuries later, seeing the number of humans increase and finding less and less places to hide from vampire hunters with his "children", Judas constructed a palace on the "Reign of Shadow", or Hell, where the demons of his universe inhabit, so vampires could rest and live free of the fear of vampire hunters while not hunting. There, all sons and "grandsons" of Lilith reunited once for year to mock YHVH and its "pathetic" creations and bring humans victims for that dimension to be tortured in all possible forms.
But some thousand of years later, the humans created an mortal virus as biological weapon that extinguished themselves. Without humans with who exchange "suffering" for "pleasure", those who paid for the sin of Lilith couldn't sleep. And without sleep, soon they went mad.
Travelling to the ends of Earth, barely keeping his sanity, Judas managed to reach a temple where he summoned Cain.
Cain was surprised that a vampire was asking for a deal, even more one with such a powerful wish. He said that wasn't his style to make deals with "bad guys", so he asked Judas to go through a prolonged and exhaustive method of training, until his soul at least became "neutral". And then he asked Judas of why he was asking for a wish like that.
After hearing it's story, Cain said that a "Jacob's Ladder" was so hard to do, so complex, it would involve and need so many technologies that in the middle of development Cain would end up creating a weapon able to kill YHVH, though he couldn't say with 100% of accuracy.
Cain asked for a 10 million of years period of servitude for a wish so big, and after Judas signed his contract, the deal demon stripped his body of any characteristics that would define his individuality.
Finally, Cain put him under orders of Mercenary. In the hope that the immortal will kill the vampire while under his command. Why? Just a guess.
Relevant tropes:
Flat Character: Justified. Cain first took his personality and individuality in his "training".Judas joining Mercenary's group was because Cain ordered him too. He is nothing more than a drone now, programmed to kill under Mercenary's orders.
True Neutral: What Cain turned him in. He is only a "hero" because Mercenary is his master now, and even mercenary it's a hell of an Anti-Hero.
edited 30th Oct '15 7:36:19 PM by MeetTheNewBoss
You claim that God is opressing us, but I see you opressing others without needing a God.
@Kakai: So, I finally get to meet Reil, and he's an intriguing character. One of those reasons is his personality; he acts the way you would expect an "ideal" nobleman to—aloof and aware of his status, but feels that his privilege and benefits come with responsibilities and does not lord them over people if he doesn't have to. A lot of time it's easy to go to two extremes—a noble who acts just like every other commoner or who is ridiculously stuck up—so good job on avoiding that.
I wasn't expecting him to be fae, honestly, though I should have expected that when you mentioned the Witch's forest and her...unsavory method of powering it. I sort of thought she just magically made his parents fertile or something, huh. Anyway, that adds a great deal of depth to his character.
I am fond of situations where a character finds out he or she is something other than baseline human, and exploring how they react, so seeing Reil coming to terms with his fae heritage should be fun. One thing I am a little confused on, is how he feels about his apparent Love Interest Morgaine.
You mentioned jealousy as his motive for disliking her, but everywhere else it seems that he likes her. Is it something that happened at first, and then he grew fond of her...?
@ Meet the New Boss: I actually feel sorry for your character, considering he's a Time Abyss Monster Progenitor of the vampire race. It's easy to see how he was roped into making the deal he did, and seeing that he feels genuine sorrow and worry for the vampires he's made puts him at least several steps above the First Vampires we often see depicted. The thought of getting one's very personality erased is a real actual terror of mine, so I sort of shuddered when I read that.
@Meet
I'm glad vampires have finally gotten a backstory as to how the heck they were created in the first place. I enjoy epic, biblical stories like that.
A word of caution would be to make sure that your readers understand just what the heck is going on. From my own experience, backstories that are on that huge a scale usually require a large amount of explanation. But expository text-dumps are anathema to a lot of readers.
For the next person, I'd like a few more reviews on Recon
from a page back.
@Swordofknowledge - Thank you, and ugh, I meant Cawleth, dunno how this escaped my check. Reil dislikes Cawleth because of Morgaine liking him.
@MeetTheNewBoss - right, this may've been unclear, sorry. Basically, Tuthwalai's a witch who strikes deals with people and her favours come with a harsh pricenote . Reil got adopted in a manner of being kidnapped from his real parents and sold to Cigfrans when he was months old (they didn't know about stealing part, they thought she just conjured him up or something). Hope that clears it up.
@gameknoight102xx - interesting character overall and I like it that even with his laid-back personality, he has deeper issues and concerns, like the Death Seeker part. While I've never believed in plausibility of a romance between much older immortal and yer regular human, their story arc seems plausible and nice to read about. Isn't Recon too overpowered, though? I'd probably cut down the number of his abilities. With all of them, it seems nigh-impossible to lay a hit on him.
Rejoice!@Kakai I'd considered this too. But, believe it or not, I can't, because it doesn't make sense from a narrative perspective. I didn't include this in the bio because it applies to Recon's entire team (the other 8 mercs) and not just Recon.
Basically
That's essentially what happened to Recon's entire team.
edited 31st Oct '15 2:51:17 AM by gameknight102xx
So his enemies are just as powerful as he is? That sounds better and whoa, is every immortal so OP compared to normal people? The fights must be pretty impressive. But yeah, narration-wise it does make sense and while the biggest problem with this abilities was that Recon'd have little challenge beating down anything that would come his way, so if that's not so, I don't think it needs trimming.
Another one of mine. In Four-Temperament Ensemble, this one's supposed to be Sanguine.
- Name: Nidd Malailen
- Age: 19
- Appearance: Nidd is rather petite and short. He has dark green eyes, a haystack of pale hair on his head and a small moustache he considers suave while others consider it looking more like a yellow caterpillar stuck under his nose.
- Personality: Nidd is always filled with too much energy, talkative and unable to sit longer in one place. He's usually cheerful and a people person, despising being alone, but he's rather terrified of interacting with people way above his station, such as the high-born nobility. When nervous, he tries to hide it by being even more cheerful and talking a lot about nothing in particular. While he likes being in company of others, it takes a while for him to notice that their feelings and emotions don't match what he thinks them to be. He has a curious sense of personal propriety - while not outright stealing, he has no trouble borrowing something for a time without asking or raiding somebody's fridge.
- Abilities: Nidd is an expert driver both with wheeled vehicles and hover machinesnote . As a soldier, he can use rifle, pistol and bayonet, and getting into a bar brawl with him can be nasty. He also knows his home city extremely well and can always get anywhere, find anyone and obtain everything he could need. He has a talent of getting ahold of things that shouldn't be in his possession.note
- Weaknesses: He's rather small, so if a bigger opponent can get ahold of him, a fight is over rather quickly. He can't read or write (although Reil teaches him reading) and he's rather stressed when around rich or high-born people whom he doesn't know well.
- Goals: To stop a brewing war and preferably save the world from ending.
- Motivation: While a soldier, he's not looking forward to a war; he also likes the world he's living in a lot and would live in it in peace somewhat longer. He also has a family that he'd much rather not see endangered.
- Role in the story: The Lancer to Reil, the POV when experience and view other that Reil's is necessary and the person the exposition is given to (and who sometimes exposits himself).
- Backstory: Born in the capital city of the Kingdomnote , Nidd is the sixth out of eleven children of a baker's assistant and a low-level factory worker. Malailens seeing the high-born only from afar, they came to regard them as The Beautiful Elite of sorts. Having turned thirteen, Nidd found himself being sent, like half of his siblings, to work in a bakery his mother worked in, but soon found it to be a tedious and somewhat boring job. Not wishing to go to a factory either, and not very interested in joining a gang, he settled on Army service. Having flunked his officer exam due to illiteracy, he became a private and was, by oddest strike of fate, sent to a fire team on which everyone but him is either rich or a high-born.note
- Relevant Tropes:
- Street Smart: He knows his home city's lower layers very well and can easily navigate it even when everyone else gets lost.
- Fish out of Water: He feels somewhat out of place in a squad composed of a duke, a count(ess), a land owner and a son of a millionnaire.
- Drives Like Crazy: For Nidd, road rules - and sometimes even roads - are more like guidelines.
- Odd Friendship: Grows to be friends with The Quiet One Reil, a scion of one of the most powerful noble families.
- Book Dumb: He can't read or write and knows very little about culture, but that doesn't make him an idiot.
- Motor Mouth: When he starts talking, he talks and talks and talks and talks...
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: Red to Reil's Blue.
- Undying Loyalty: Once he gets to befriend somebody, he'd never leave their side.
- Stepford Smiler: Underplayed. He covers up his nervousness with facade of cheerfulness and glee.
- The Scrounger: He has a knack for obtaining more equipment than rules permit. Reil and the lieutenant in charge of their squad just roll along with it and made him the squad's quartermaster.
- Friend in the Black Market: He knows people who have things and know people.
- Never Learned to Read: Like most people of lower social classes, he can't read or write.
I'm finding it hard to put it in words, but I really do like him. I like the idea of a low class member being teamed up with a bunch of nobles and there's room for plenty of interesting interactions there. His personality seems fun and entertaining and I can see him being a good source of comedic moments particularly when it comes to contrasting "commoner" behavior to "noble" behavior, though it could just as well lead to some good character development for him and his teammates.
Now for the third and last protagonist of my story:
- Name: Katsu Muranatsu
- Appearance: He looks like an anthropomorphic black footed ferret with a slim and tall body, black eyes and overall pale yellowish fur dressed in light clothing, specifically a light brown ninja uniform though it lacks a mask, settling for just a hood. Being a Kamaitachi, he has very long and sharp claws that are retractable so that they don't get in the way when doing other things.
- Age: TBD but he's young for his species
- Personality: Katsu is shy and quiet around people unless he's particularly close to them, but once he manages to get comfortable around them he begins significantly more talkative and cheerful. He is a bit of a trickster and is not above playing pranks on others if he can think of an appropriate time for it, showing a rather childish side to himself, this is only when around his closest friends, however, as he is much more serious and even downright cold when dealing with people otherwise. He's very task-oriented and once he is given an objective he will focus solely on it. He's a pacifist at heart, but his role in his team makes it very difficult for him to really act as one, but if nothing else he tries to avoid unnecessary bloodshed as much as he possibly can.
- Abilities: Katsu's main ability is super speed, a characteristic of all Kamaitachi, but he's fast even by their standards. Very few can keep up with him and even fewer can actually outrun him. Other than that, Katsu is a very good acrobat and has a very good sense of balance making him able to pull out sorts of stunts while running. He's also very good at coming up with plans, something that came from his hidden prankster side.
- Weaknesses: He's very frail and lacking in physical strength, making him unfit for dealing with tasks that require more brute force and it also means he's easily overpowered by others, especially since he lacks other powers outside of his super speed.
- Goals: Finding his missing sibling and also his true vocation in life.
- Motivation: Concern over his sibling's well-being and general unsatisfaction with his current job.
- Role in the Story: He's responsible for kickstarting the plot from the heroes's side and acts as a Tritagonist.
- Backstory: Katsu is the youngest of three siblings, as it is Kamaitachi tradition to always have a trio of kids, no more, no less. Along with his older brother, Kazuo, and his older sister, Kaede, they were a fairly respectable and promising team of young Kamaitachi and as a result of the praise, they always of becoming an elite team. Again, as is tradition of his species, each of the siblings had their role in the team and Katsu was responsible for executing their foes, being the best fighter of the trio. At first he didn't seem to mind, but the more he killed, the worse he began to feel about it, but since his team had depended so much on his skills in order to perform well he never could bring himself to quit and end up disappointing his siblings. One day they were tasked with investigation suspicious activity happening close to Oni territory and once they arrived there, they uncovered a plan from residents of Yomi to invade the city of Akasha and steal the Seal of Void, they were found out before they could do anything, however. Katsu was wounded badly, but he managed to escape and, figuring his sibling had been captured by them he decided to rush over to Akasha and warn the Devas of the attack.
- Relevant Tropes
- Bad Dreams: His worry over his siblings often manifests as this, resulting in him often pulling all-nighters.
- Bash Brothers: Becomes this with Kenshin as the story goes.
- Combat Pragmatist: Comes with the territory of being a ninja
- Defeat Means Friendship: Downplayed in that he was already their ally at the time, but he begins to open up more to Kenshin and Eiko more once the latter beats him in a fight
- Determinator: Won't stop at anything in order to complete an objective, even if it means running through most of the Oni territory while being badly wounded
- Fragile Speedster: He's even faster than Eiko but manages to be even worse at taking hits
- In the Hood: He often covers his face with his hood be it due to being timid or because he wants to avoid people recognizing him. Or both.
- My Species Doth Protest Too Much: He's not very satisfied with his species's culture and wants to try something different
- Ninja: The Kamaitachi are the disciple of the Tengu and basically an entire race of this.
- Professional Killer: As much as he doesn't like it, there's no denying that he's a very skilled assassin thanks to years of practice.
- Hitman with a Heart: He only kills if the victim is unfortunate enough to become his target, otherwise, he won't harm anyone who doesn't try to harm him first.
- Reluctant Warrior: He wishes he could avoid having to do what he does, but he feels pressured by the prodigious image his team carried with them and, obviously, not wanting to let his siblings down, as they're expected to always work together.
- Shrinking Violet / The Stoic / The Quiet One: At first he's this towards his new teammates, but he warms up eventually.
- The Smart Guy: Of the main three, he's the most clever one.
- Spanner in the Works: Probably the biggest example of the story since him warning the Devas led to them being able to successfully defend themselves from Yomi and keep the Seal safe, preventing them from stealing it early and allowing Izanami to leave Yomi and catch everyone offguard.
- Super-Speed: The signature ability of the Kamaitachi
- Tranquil Fury: He expresses anger with a significantly darker tone and basically bringing his usual serious and cold behavior up to eleven.
- The Trickster: He likes to mess with others either for his own amusement or to make them drop their guard.
- True Companions: A lot of his development is going to revolve around becoming this with Kenshin and Eiko, essentially sharing a bond with them that he otherwise only had with his siblings.
- You Can't Go Home Again: Self-enforced example, he refuses to return home until he finds his siblings.
edited 31st Oct '15 8:17:17 PM by FullMoon
I'm not a japanese speaker myself, but the word Katsu reminds me more of a nice piece breaded, deep fried pork, or deep fried things in general than a ninja. Might just only be me, though.
With that out of the way, your character. I have a feeling that he's a bit generic. There's nothing bad about him, but his goals, his aspirations, and some of the traits like his age, give off a 'standard issue anime protagonist' vibe, which I don't usually like. His biological race, however, hooks me quite a bit. Always interesting to see a different race in a fantasy setting.
Now, this is the hero antagonist related to the bastard Theo
here.
The world has long fallen to the barren state, covered in sand. Only 7 cities are left habitable, and all of them belong to the peculiar Office of Administration, run by an entity aptly named the Administrator. But then one of the cities decides it no longer wants to be under control, and revolts. This is when she comes in.
Name: Ann's dragon, AKA the Ashen Queen
Appearance: A quadruped, feather-winged, ash-colored dragon seemingly wihtout any scale that usually accompanies a dragon. Unusually slender for a dragon, too, not to mention only being slighlty shorter than a city bus, discounting her tail.
Age: Unknown. The first mention of her in the Chronocles of Ashes suggests that she's around at least a millenia old.
Personality: Arrogant, haughty, sharp-witted, and sharper-tongued still, as befitting someone of her title and power. The Ashen Queen is a prideful creature, but rarely lets her pride hinder her, as she always put her goal above even her queenship, and once she set out to conquer, be it a nation, priceless treasure, or allegiance, she will conquer it. Determined, cruel, even, but only to those who oppose her. The Queen is remarkably much more amiable towards who she perceives as her subjects, or those she deems her equal.
Ability: The Ashen Queen emits ashes from both her wings at will. These ashes, while relatively harmless in their dormant state, can be 'awakened' by the Queen. They can reignite, becoming particles of flames that devour anything in range, or even outright explode as the Queen chooses. They can also gather and harden, forming shields to protect the Queen from harm. The most abused utility however is the ashes' ability to transport the Queen. Wherever the ashes go, the Ashen Queen can materialize there in a flash, leaving only the ashes of her former shell behind. Also worth mentioning is that the Queen is immortal, in the sense that nothing can kill her, at least, not directly. All this on top of the usual weaponries dragons usually sport, including sharp claws, fangs, and a deadly whiplike tail.
Weaknesses: She's bound to the Chronicle of Ashes. If the tome of Chronicles itself is damaged, so is she. If it is destroyed, then she too will be destroyed.
Goal: Initially, to conquer Nox, but the more she sees of Ann, her summoner, the more she becomes supportive of Ann's true goal: To bring down the Administration and the Wayward Society itself.
Motivation: The Queen believes that Ann holds the key to her freedom from the accursed Chronicle of Ashes, and agreed to assist the mage in her quest only because of that. Seeing that Nox is a new world to her, she first aimed to reinstate herself as the new ruler, naturally, but as it becomes clear how much of a threat the Administration is, and how utterly despicable and downright evil Wayward is, she fully stands by Ann's decision to wage war on two sides at once. After all, she's a queen, and no queen should allow her nation to suffer so intensely.
Backstory: Ann Ryle, former Administration Official Archive clerk working in City 4, Nox, normally kept to herself and aspired to nothing grander than doing her job and go home for a dinner at the end of the day. It's tedious, and deep down she did yearn for some excitement, but as an Archive clerk, the only thrills available to her were mostly in the form of ancient, officially banned books that she sometimes get her hands on, which is only possible due to the local office personnel (her peers) being rather lax and incompetent. She would occasionally smuggle out some of these books and ancient tomes, and it was one of these books that awakened her latent magical talent. Still, in a city where mages and magic are, at best, discouraged concepts, and at worst capital offenses, Ann chose not to dabble in it and kept her talent a secret, up until she discovered the tome called 'The Chronicles of Ashes' as she and the remaining Archive personnel were relocating some of the more important documents into the vault, right after the war between the Wayward Society and the Administration broke out. After a series of mishaps, Ann sucessfully unsealed the Chronicle, and freed the Ashen Queen from her seemingly eternal slumber. Ann, seeing the true color of the Administration after they began slaughtering Nox citizens, decided to bring the fight to them and work with the Wayward to drive them off the city, and the Ashen Queen agreed to help in exchange for her freedom. Of course, as the situation worsens, Ann's alliance with the Wayward shifts, and so does the Queen's loyalty.
Tropes Hero Antagonist: As with her summoner, Ann, opposing Theo and the crazed Wayward, and the Office of Administration.
Hero of Another Story: Her exploits are detailed in the Chronicle of Ashes, and there are tons of them. She's the one to unite her nation, Einvale, which encompassed dragons, humans, beasts, and tremendously powerful mages who had been constantly at war.
Kill It with Fire: Her main form of offense, but instead of the standard issue firebreath, she reignites the ashes spreading from her wings to immolate anything in range.
Not in This for Your Revolution: Initially, anyway. Her priority was to be freed from the Chronicle of Ashes, and she chose to assist Ann mainly because Ann, as the mage who managed to unsealed the tome, seemed to have the potential to break this 'curse.' After seeing the state of the city and the world in general, how miserable its people are after the war broke out, and how Ann is determined to go to war, alone, with the Administration and Wayward, the Queen decides to stay by Ann's side.
Mysterious Past: The Chronicle, while quite in-depth about her heroics during and after her quest to unite Einvale, doesn't say much anything about her origin. It remains unclear, for instance, whether she is one-of-a-kind, an offspring of an ancient species of dragons, or something else altogether.
Our Dragons Are Different: Scaleless, exudes ashes from her birdlike wings, lean, comparatively small, doesn't breathe fire or anything of such calibre. It's possible that the dragons from her old queendom were like this as well, but even the Chronicle does not confirm it.
Our Liches Are Different: She's effectively a lich. Unlike Theo's Silent Beast, which is more than likely a phantom created by Theo's own magic power and the Ethelia Chronicles' arcane runes, the Ashen Queen is the Ashen Queen, the very same depicted in the tome. This is the result of her half-failed attempt to achieve true immortality, which locked her into a tome that then had her life story gradually written on it. The tome, now that she is freed from it, though not completely, acts as her phylactery and sanctuary when she needs rest.
Teleport Spam: Her favorite. The smell of ashes signifies her presence, and in combat where the ashes from her wing spreads everywhere, she can virtually be anywhere.
edited 12th Nov '15 6:46:59 AM by arreimil
On the foundation of glass a dream is built. And, like glass, it shatters.
Haha, funny that the name makes you think of that. I just looked for typical Japanese names and found that one, according to the site it means "victory" so I thought it would work well.
As for the rest... Well I can't say I can't see what you're talking about to a certain extent, Katsu is the protagonist I'm the most on the fence about in regards to his actual character than the other two, so I guess that kinda showed. I did think I did enough to make him not feel very generic but I can see your point.
I must admit I don't see the "genericness" arreimil is talking about, but Katsu' personality seems to be a bit all over the place to me. One one hand, he's quiet and task-bound, on the other he's cheerful and prankster-y. He's a pacifist, but he's cold. I suppose it does make sense, it's just that it doesn't really fit together for me. Otherwise, he looks good (and I like the appearance and backstory).
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I like the Ashen Queen's character. Haughty and prideful, but a good ruler nevertheless. Her motivations are also believable and befitting her personality. I'm not quite sure if making her nigh-invincible save for her only weakness is such a good idea, but I don't know what the antagonists' power levels are like, so let's leave it at that. And I don't quite understand her powers. Can she control the ashes upon them leaving her body, like some kind of mind-controlled smoke screen? Or is it just "wherever they go, I can go"?
@ arreimil: I am sorry, if I am not much of a help to you, but I feel, that there is not much to critize about your character. The idea to make a dragon one of the major characters is very interesting and if handled correctly could be a great addition to a story. From what you have written, the Ashen's Queen is already very enjoyable. She encompasses a lot of common dragon tropes, like her haughtiness, that could make for a very intriguing and entertaining dynamic with the MC. Not only could she provide comedic foil with biting sarcasm and her sharp-tongued nature, but she could also be a figure of cynicism juxtaposed with a more hopeful and idealistic character (perhaps the MC?). That would make for an appealing duology between the two. In a way, this dynamic, at least how I am imagining it, reminds me a lot of Bartimeaus, if you are familiar with the character.
_ _ _
Now, the character I am presenting is my MC. If you're interested in another character from the same story, here is a similar character sheet
.
- Name: Silvain
- Age: His body is that of a fourteen year old, though his real age cannot be discerned because he was created in a laboratory.
- Appearance: With his slender build, narrow waist and small stature, Silvain appears completely unthreatening. His looks of boyish innocence stem from his pointy facial structure, his fair, light skin and his small, flat nose. One thing that immediately makes him recognizable are his big, almond-shaped eyes, whose irises are pitchblack and dull, a sign of his physical alterations. Silvain's midlength, bright blond hair is almost always tied into a short ponytail otherwise it would be quite messy. Although Silvain is slim, he is also quite lean and athletic as his body is engineered to build muscle quickly.
- Personality: The core personality trait that defines Silvain the most is his inquisitive nature. Seeing as he as no recollection of his past, he is extremely willing to absorb new information about his surroundings. No subject is too dry for him, wether it is history, politics, biology or the science of magic, he will learn everything by heart. Not only that, but when confronted with new ideas or opinions Silvain will immediately consider them as something worth of his attention. He is open-minded towards all knowledge and actively seeks out that which he does not know or understand. When interacting with others, Silvain is, in spite of his curiousity, very shy and demure. He is almost always soft-spoken and polite, putting himself in a position of submissiveness. This mainly stems from his lack of confidence and belief in his inferiority because of his past. He is very self-conscious. While he knows that a lot of people put a lot of trust in him, he is often unsure of his capabilities as a fighter and comrade, which is why he is very dependent on the emotional support of others. This dependency leads to his trusting nature, which can easily be used to manipulate him. Silvain also has an idealistic sense of responsibility and justice, embued on him by his superiors and friends in The Loyal Forces. When it comes to defending what he thinks is right, the boy can even shed his timidness and become a hotheaded and fierce fighter.
- Abilities: Silvain was created to be the most powerful being in existence. While he cannot really claim that title, he has the potential of nearly unlimited growth. His body is very enduring and untiring, he has extremely quick reflexes, unnatural speed and inhuman observational skills. Silvain also has a gift for wood magic, specifically mechanical contraptions. He also makes a contract with a familiar, his flying dormouse Hermes, which lends him extra agility and a more animallike appearance.
- Weaknesses: Though Silvain is more naturally gifted than most humans, he is doesn't have the condition to use all of his resources. He absolutely hates fighting and has yet to fully develop all of his abilities. He often fails to think clearly in the heat of battle and is prone to panicking. His relatively low self-esteem regularly keeps him from growing as a fighter and strategist.
- Goals & Motivation: Silvain doesn't really have a concrete goal in life and it troubles him deeply. Being thrust into the midst of a civil war without any knowledge of who and where he is, results in his only wish being to find himself. After his awakening he instinctively clings to The Loyal Forces, who first took him in. But after witnessing the atrocities of the civil war, he realises that the only thing he wishes for, is to protect the friends he made, his surrogate family. As a secondary goal he plans to find his creator Doctor Evan Arachnid. He is unsure of what he will do once he finds his "father", but he still longs for a meeting.
- Role in the story: Supporting Protagonist to Damian and central viewpoint character. Acts as The Hero in his own Five-Man Band, takes the position of Tagalong Kid in Damian's group.
- Backstory: Silvain is a product of Doctor Evan Arachnid's research and thus meant to be the closest thing to the most powerful being in existence. Once his creation was completed, Silvain was placed as bait to lure The Loyal Forces into a trap set by Arachnid's benefactor, the kingdom's Archduke Lucian Glazir. In the midst of the civil war, the youth awakes without any recollection of who or what he is.
- Relevant Tropes
- Amnesiac Hero
- Anti-Anti-Christ: Silvain is supposed to be the perfect puppet for the Glazir family, but his sweet nature and timid disposition make him very ineffective as a fighter.
- Arch-Enemy: Has one in his creator, Doctor Evan Arachnid. Later on he considers Serro Orez this.
- Break the Cutie: The first months after his awakening were extremely sheltered and peaceful, but upon entering the fighting squadrons of The Loyal Forces he was confronted with the horrors of war.
- Classical Anti-Hero
- Cloning Blues: He is unsure wether or not his achievements are truly his own or the result of Arachnid's genetic engeneering.
- Evil Counterpart: His creator, Evan Arachnid, is this to Silvain. Whereas Silvain seeks knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself, Arachnid uses his knowledge as an excuse to justify his cruelty and excert dominance over others.
- Dull Eyes of Unhappiness: A feature he shares with all other subjects of Arachnid. Their eyes are dull and black, which is why they are derogatorily referred to as "Blackeyes".
- Fantastic Racism: Blackeyes are under constant scrutiny from other members of The Loyal Forces, because they have been employed as weapons under Lucian and Arachnid's orders before.
- Friend to All Living Things: Silvain has made close friends with the flying dormouse Hermes and managed to purify both animals and animal spirits that were corrupted by miasma on multiple occasions.
- Kid Hero: Though his physical age is closer to a teen, psychologically Silvain has a lot in common with a child.
- Oblivious to Love: Doesn't realize the incredible obvious crush his teammate Alice harbors for him.
- Reluctant Warrior: The more he has to fight for the cause of The Loyal Forces, the more he realizes that he absolutely does not want to. Nevertheless, if he has to fight in order to protect those he holds dear, he will.
- The Rival: His very first rival is his teammate Roy Prinston, who, at first seriously hated Silvain because of his origins. After having to fight the forces of Serro Orez together, they get over their differences and slowly grow into Bash Brothers and Fire-Forged Friends.
- Socially Awkward Hero: Because of his unusual upbringing, Silvain doesn't really know how to talk to others and is constantly afraid of social blunders.
- True Companions: His teammates are this to him. Special mention goes to Roy, Alphonse, Alice and Louise.
- Wide-Eyed Idealist: Even though Silvain has experienced so much evil in only a short period of time, he still wants to believe in the best of people, sometimes even to his detriment.
edited 12th Nov '15 2:25:28 PM by LewisLiddel
Check out my YouTube-channel, if you want![]()
Ah, yeah, the way I wrote it made it seem like his personality is pretty over the place, but it basically boils down to "he acts one way, but when you make friends with him you'll find out he's actually this way" kind of thing. He will seem quiet and cold at first but as he begins to be more comfortable around you he becomes more cheerful and a little bit of a prankster and so on. I actually had to write his profile like, 3 times because of issues with my computer so that might have resulted in a bit of a mess
Sure, it's just me. And I know from experience how rewrites can mess stuff up
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Ah, I do seem to remember Glazir and Arachnid from Villain CT, interesting to see more of their world. As for Silvain, uhm... would you be very unhappy if I told you I find him adorable? Because I do find him adorable. His personality is fantastic, his backstory and circumstances give a lot of space for all the necessary worldbuilding, his weaknesses make sense. I'm curious where you're going to take his story.
Another one of the same story (working title is Book of Sayings, I think) that Reil and Nidd are from. On the Four-Temperament Ensemble, she's supposed to be choleric.note
- Name: Morgaine Caeir
- Age: 27
- Appearance: Morgaine is of average height and rather stocky, with dark brown, shoulder-length hair she usually keeps pinned in a not-really-bun and dark green eyes hidden behind a pair of squarish glasses. In public, she walks in dresses and corsets, but when working, she ditches them for more comfortable pantaloons and shirts.
- Personality: Morgaine is outspoken, but at the same time every inch a daughter of noble house, making her rather fond of verbal judo she wields with gusto. She gets easily annoyed with people whose conversation topics don't entail her interests and things that get in her way, but is much friendlier with those he likes and can get very happy (in a blushing, oh-that's-so-nice-of-you way) when complimented on something that matters to her. She can get rather exhausted and annoyed with the world around her and shows it, mainly through un-smiles and eye-rolling before moving to commenting. She has keen analitical mind and can spend hours poring over multitude of reports, rumours and maps to pierce together a complete picture of whatever she's working at.
- Abilities: She's mainly an analyst, capable of both seeing the fine details and building up a bigger picture from unrelated data. She's also a trained spirchemist and has excellent - though not eidetic - memory. She knows some basics of using a dagger, but she's not great with it, and knows a bit of first aid.
- Weaknesses: When assessing and judging live people, she often lets emotions get in her way, and she has very little in terms of combat training. As she's new to her business, her experience is rather limited and she still lacks a bit in cold blood department. Apart from that, she's human, with all squishiness this entails.
- Goals: To find out who killed her mentor; to serve her Kindgom; to save the world.
- Motivation: She liked the previous Lady Dagger, not to mention that Lady's murder means something sketchy is going on in the capital. As a noblewoman, she's been raised with feeling of duty to the kindgom, and being the current to-be Lady Dagger gives her additional responsibilities she has no intention to escape. She'd also much rather the world remained existing.
- Role in the story: One of POVs, Deuteragonist alongside Reil, the "person who figures stuff out", The Smart Guy.
- Backstory: Caeirs are a rather uninfluential and poorer noble house from the east of the country, with Morgaine being younger of two of their daughters. At the age of nineteen, she was sent to the capital to study spiric chemistry. After four years, an accident followed by her personal investigation led Morgaine to discover a spy ring working for Trebauche, a kingdom locked in cold war against her home country, Tír Taugh. She blew the whistle on them and thus caught the attention of the so-called Lady Dagger, Taugh's spymistress (and also Reil's mother), who after a while decided to make Morgaine her protege and groom her to become future Lady Dagger.
- Relevant tropes:
- Awesomeness by Analysis: She manages to figure out a lot of the plot by analysing what she and others find.
- Deadpan Snarker: She sure loves to snark whenever possible.
- Defrosting Ice Queen: From Reil's perspective.
- Faking the Dead: She goes under the radar to avoid Cawleth's killers.
- Guile Hero: She has very little in way of brawns, so she makes up for it with brains.
- Impoverished Patrician: Although still rich by commoner's standards, her family is rather sub-par. May be a reason why she dislikes social occassions.
- Insufferable Genius: Can come across like this to people she doesn't like. And sometimes to those she does like.
- Insistent Terminology: It's spiric chemistry, not "alchemy".
- Love Interest: To Reil.
- The Medic: Working in a chemical lab, she knows surprisingly lot about first aid. She's also proficient in treating people suffering from spiric acid poisoning.
- Spanner in the Works: She wasn't supposed to survive and certainly wasn't supposed to figure out that Lady Cigfran was murdered by someone other than Trebauchean assassins.
- Technically a Smile: She has a wide array of smiles to convey all her annoyance and exhaustion.
- When She Smiles: ...but when it's the rare true smile, Reil just melts where he stands.
- The Smart Guy: She's a chemist and analyst of the team.
- The Spymaster: Who she's intended to be. She grows into the role slowly as the story goes.
edited 13th Nov '15 10:18:15 AM by Kakai
Rejoice!
I have issues with sexism too.
She sound cool, and interesting. Honestly i think who the best is put the Character`s arc of our heroes here. Can help more.
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An Impoverished Patrician who is both The Medic and The Spymaster is pretty distinct. She's not quite Hot-Blooded, but close to it, and her general temperament reminds me of Weiss Schnee from RWBY. Nice touch.
- Name: Robin Rampul (Eclipse concept).
- Summary: Head of one of the rising powers in the Dominion of Osprey, Rampul is an ally of the House of Dreyvor, a similarly rising power among the noble houses. Many smaller clans who are trained by Rampul tend to join Dreyvor's Academy, expanding the reach and influence of both houses to degrees that alarmed their rivals. She has two boyfriends, and she mothered two daughters each.
- Appearance: A tawny skinned woman with long black hair, Robin Rampul has chestnut chestnut brown eyes, diagonal pupils, a miniskirt, knee high boots, and an opened jacket with a high collar and a workout bra.
- Personality: Today, Robin is characterized by her rather calm, laid-back state of mind; as if content with life. While she is a stern leader, Robin trusts her family to do their part to keep the House on top, and often spends her time relaxing, modeling new clothes, or having recreational sex (whereas it used to be strictly for procreation). Rampul is more easy going than you'd expect, and while she was never overbearing, she was a perfectionist, and accepted nothing but the best; she still does, but is satisfied with what came out of it. Family is huge for her, but she's not into marriage herself. Everything she does is for the benefit of her family, although Don't You Dare Pity Me! is a major contributor; her inferiority complex was high at first, and she fears losing all she gained from that time. When Robin Rampul was an orphan, albeit one with a job, she was rather lonely, often spending time with male prostitutes at a nearby brothel. She quickly felt her worth was more than simply being a cashier, and she wanted to form her own clan out of spite to those who pitied her for not having one at birth. Robin aggressively pursued every avenue to rake in cash for herself, and became increasingly relentless, even headstrong. Deciding Sex for Solace was not acceptable for someone with her ambitions, she became very aggressive in her pursuit of a mate, sifting through file after file of each attractive prostitute and thoroughly checking the background of all the men who caught her interest. She found two male prostitutes who had the physical and emotional fortitude (let alone personality) needed for providing a stable family with her. She individually courted both men, quickly purchased each of them for herself, and got them acquainted with one another before making her family. Who is the person she cites as her inspiration? Alice Sitchri, the main character.
- Backstory: As an orphan, she was "clanless," but rather than ostracized for supposed selfishness, she was looked at with pity by those who felt her lack of a family stunted her growth as a person. Unwilling to be taken care of, she sought to start her own family, in an attempt to be a Self-Made Woman. Within a decade, she turned her family into a powerhouse in the Dominion of Osprey. not entirely a Self-Made Woman, as she was helped by many people who pitied her for being an orphan, she saved up a massive amount of money, both from the charities people gave her and from the jobs she took as young as 14. She bought an athletic institution from its old owner, and created her own business from it. She made several fitness centers and sports arenas after that, and became wealthy enough to host her own athletic tournaments in several regions of the country.
- Abilities: She is a Huntress, possessing an Empathic Weapon called a Destrier. Her Destrier, Hathwen, is a Nock volley gun that transforms into a bardiche polearm.
- Role in the Story: An ally of Dreyvor, Robin is trying to form a detente between Dreyvor and Caroun, two rival families who are both rising in the Dominion, along with Zaphren and Varrot, two of the four strongest houses. All have different views of Alice: Rampul views her as an inspiration, Dreyvor is neutral (they can't corroborate many stories about her), Caroun views her as a menace, Zaphren sees her as an Urban Legend, and Varrot thinks of her as a potential asset. She keeps in touch with Dreyvor, but worries about the other clans as they attempt to take Dreyvor down.
edited 13th Nov '15 11:21:15 PM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.Post 700!
I feel sad for her. She has very big emotional issues, poor woman. How is her character arc?. She sound very screwed emotionally, i want see if she get over her issues. Because she don`t sound very sane. I`m not again against her but she need psychological help. Quickly.
A rewrite for the protagonist of my story.
From Theology.
Name: Brandon Harlaw
Age: Teenager-Young Adult.
Appearance: Caucasian, black hair, brown eyes, a little pudgy.
His profile was posted before, so i want post his arc.
Bran is The Hero, he is a Nice Guy thanks to his good raising. His parents love him and they show his love.
He actually never faced problems, he is a happy young even if he had anger issues and Lack of Social Skills.
He is a dreaming young who want live in Bachilea and get a job here. He also is a PSI Weapon user, his weapon is a collar who give him Psychic Powers. He is a pretty warm boy, gentle and noble with a good amount of Berserk Buttom. He want help other but he just don`t know how.
When he use his Powers to stop a assault in the street. (And stop the fall of a huge bunch of debris, saving the lifes of many) He is recluted for the "Elite Aliance". A no-governamental organization formed by the millitary head Hisao Juji (who actually is planning a coup d´ state).
Bran make friends with his tutor and learn about Bachilea and his story, and discover the Misterious Black Castle and the gate to a mysterious world.
He discover who that world is a awful land filled of monsters in where the only leadership is a bunch of Neo Nazis (or the equivalent of Neo Nazis). He try to help them (they are humans and have rights) but Hisao send troops and start a massacre. Bran get traumatizated for this fact and when he is enought calm to get back to Bachilea he discover who Hisao make a Coup d`state and Bachilea is in a civil war. He make a rivality with Hisao`s daughter Joselyn and finally this ended into a fight between the two.
(This not is Bran entire character, obviously. Is just a part of it. I lack time. I write more latter. Good luck)
edited 14th Nov '15 1:40:56 PM by KazuyaProta
Watch me destroying my country
