I...don't mind your character being corny, but I'm actually more confused about your story. Like, what is this deal about Multiverse? Also, the idea of a super Soviet robot makes me raise my eyebrow...simply because I'm more familiar with the stories of them producing cheap but reliable weapons by tons and practically burying their enemies in it. Is he a part of mass-production line?
Also, "For every man to get the amount of happiness they deserve. That is the utmost desire contained at the bottom of his soul." as a goal...? Because that sounds to me more like a goal for a villain. 0_o
"He affirms to his lieutenant that he isn't fighting only against Juggernaut for his country. He also wants to protect Japan from destruction, "dirty worshippers of his false God Emperor they are"." I...really don't get this part. Because he sounds like he's against the nation.
All in all, I might need a bit more elaboration and clarification.
Name: Mayuka
Age: 19
Appearance: Middle East Caucasian look, wearing loose and worn brown leather armor over dirty grey shirt and pants. Slightly taller than average and has wiry figure.
Personality: She is a cynical and caustic young woman who believes the world is awful and horrible, and people can't be distrusted. However, she also believes that it is a sin to just to sit there and let injustice happen to people who don't deserve it. She believes that she is worthless...so feels that she got nothing to lose from jumping into other, weak people's trouble, helping them even at the cost of her own life. Thankfully, she is very, very good at fighting, but will do her best to not to hurt innocent and people just doing their legitimate jobs, like city guards.
Abilities: A daughter from an ancient hunting tribe, she has an incredibly good natural reflex and intuition. Being raised and trained under a rogue knight, she is also a master of fighting dirty. Kick in the nads, using distraction, hitting from behind, playing dead, as long as it doesn't involve an innocent. Lastly, she possesses The Devourer, a sword with a blade that can cut through everything it touches no matter what, including light and sound.
Weaknesses: She lacks enough muscle to fight a direct fight for a prolonged time. If she can't make decisive blow after about five minutes, she runs away and attack from other time and location. Also, despite considering herself a dirty fight, she is hesitant to hurt an innocent and especially women and children. Lastly, she doesn't watch her tongue and speak her mind very freely, getting trouble with those with powers and bad temper.
Goals: Kill Duke Japheth Gladius, aka "The Bastard Duke", "The Executioner", "The Bloody Traitor", etc, who she (along with thousands of people in the kingdom) believes to be the cause of all the problems in the kingdom.
Motivation: She wants to do something to make the kingdom a better place. She believes it's a duty for everyone to do their best to make the world a better one, in any way they can.
Role In the story: She is one of the protagonists, along with the first primary antagonist to the main character, Japheth Gladius. Later she learns the truth about his circumstances, she eventually grows to be one of his biggest partner and platonic love interest/partner.
Backstory: Mayuka's parents were poacher/hunter tribe living up in a long mountain range. Her tribe was massacred and driven away from the homelands as a part of the kingdom's expansion project. One of the knights/officers who partake in the massacre heavily feels guilty about this and when he sees her as a survivor, decides to take her in. When the officer deserts the army and join the rebels, he sees her potential and trains her to be a proficient swordswoman and an assassin.
However, her blunt attitude about things lead her to criticize the rebels in their hypocrisy, saying that they are only slightly better than the current government. This eventually gets her kicked out of the rebels as well. So she wanders the kingdom, getting whatever payment she can get and helping whoever she can. Then she is offered a great sum of money to kill Japheth who was trapped in a forest while trying to find his sister. So she moves into hunt down and kill him...
Tropes:
- Berserk Button: People are not things to be exploited. She is at least willing to tolerate Necessary Evil, but things like rape? She will hunt you down and kill you messily.
- Brutal Honesty: She just can't lie, no matter how hard she tries. She is simply incapable of it and feels sick and unnatural in her stomach whenever she tells a lie. Using tricks in fights, however, she deems fair enough.
- But Now I Must Go: At the end of story, she says goodbye to Japheth and other allies she made over the journey, and goes back to he wandering.
- Chained Heat/Fire-Forged Friends: Japheth catches her and chain her to himself...but in an attack he loses the key and has to spend a lot of time together chained together and survive together.
- Combat Pragmatist: Which makes her a great fighter even if she doesn't hold her absurdly powerful the Devourer.
- Cool Sword/Absurdly Sharp Blade: The Devourer, a sword that can cut everything when it awakens when she drops her blood onto it.
- Do Not Call Me "Paul": Japheth has a hard time memorizing her name and keeps on calling "Mayu", which she thinks is an adorable name and therefore completely embarrassing and shameful hearing it from him.
- Glass Cannon: Absolutely deadly swordswoman...who can't take more than several good punches to the face. Realistic, yes, but that's a bit weak in the context of my story. XD
- Knight in Sour Armor: Her life philosophy.
- Lady Swears-a-Lot: Actually, would it be even appropriate to call her a lady?
- Look, a Distraction!: Practically her modus operandi. She doesn't say a thing, but she would kneel down or look shocked at her opponents' back.
- Perpetual Poverty: She earns the minimum amount to keep her going and when she has remainder, she would give it away to the poor.
- She Cleans Up Nicely: Rather downplayed. She doesn't look beautiful when she wears a dress in a ball, but she is commented that "she actually looks like a girl".
- Walking the Earth/Knight Errant: Practically her existence.
edited 17th Sep '15 9:19:12 PM by dRoy
Continuously reading, studying, and (hopefully) growing.@ Meet The New Boss: There is a line one can't cross, and genocide is on the far side of it. The invading culture packed up lock stock 'n' barrel; women, children, etc. The soldiers are Always Chaotic Evil on steroids, but the females and (unindoctrinated) children are sweet as cherubs. Its the difference between an Angry Guard Dog and a rotweiler puppy wondering why this new human lets it sleep inside and feeds it regularly.
edited 18th Sep '15 1:06:49 AM by dvorak
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!![]()
The story is about a demon called Cain that makes contract with heroes that have failed in battle against an evil that would without doubt destroy mankind, or trigger its destruction. As part of the deal, they must fight Multiversal Conquerors.
He usually recruits five or less heroes from similar, but different universes, but that failed in stopping the same threat. Think of it as a fighting game or a RPG with branching paths, where there's a different version of the events for each character you select.
Technically, it was impossible for the Soviets to create a mass-production version of him. There's only one Black Stone, and they couldn't cut it in pieces, as the piece cut suddenly teleported back to its original position in the stone. Liquefaction was the only way it worked so they could properly manipulate it.
Ah, it looks like a villain's goal? I was thinking what someone that both want the best for mankind and justice served would want. ATL-1000 isn't a perfect hero, so his objectives can really look a little too much like a Knight Templar though.
About the japanese, it's his human and robot personalities colliding. From one side, he wants to save the people living on that country. From the other side, they worship his emperor, that clashes with the soviet atheism in its programming, and he insults them in a knee jerk reaction.
Genocide it's a line that I also draw in my stories, but when every member of a race just wants to attack, I see no point in leaving them live. Seems like it's not the case.
edited 18th Sep '15 5:49:46 AM by MeetTheNewBoss
You claim that God is opressing us, but I see you opressing others without needing a God.![]()
![]()
![]()
A fairly unique Knight in Sour Armor, and obviously someone came from the Musou school of heroics. The fact she's quite weak in context makes the battles interesting. There's only so much enjoyment one can take out of an unendingly powerful hero who keeps getting stronger.
That said, also an interesting look at the Knight Errant archetype. Usually a more idealistic type, this is someone wandering the earth, and with a very jaded perspective.
- Name: Aevon Rubrenor
- Age: 17
- Personality: Aevon starts out the story, prior to his later character developments, essentially a shallow nobleman who tows the line of common tropes in old stories, viewing crusading knights as the good guys and “the foreign infidels” as “evil” because of course they are, that's how the stories go. While he retains a lot of Vonh's heroic teachings, particularly in regards to determination, he seems all too satisfied about his role in destiny, assuming its all cut and dry as the Hero King's son. His overconfidence and cockiness masks a very, very fragile self esteem, if someone he trusts and regards highly says something to him particularly damaging, he becomes far less visibly confident. He struggles with issues of inadequacy, viewing himself as inferior to his older brother Devan, and even his younger brother Jaevan. The fact he was basically talked about in earshot as if a prized commodity and something to marry your daughter to without even caring about his personality or wants certainly contributed to his oscillating views of himself. He even feels inadequate to his diplomat sister, which manifests as very medieval sexism, as if he's trying to convince himself of the things he's saying. He develops later into a far more respectable hero, partly because of loss making him realize there was a world bigger than the palace and its melodrama, and the death of his famous father forcing him to rule alongside his older brother. Very tellingly, after developing further, his tune changes from “I'm destined for great things!” to “Destiny will not shape me!”
- Abilities: Aevon was basically born with incredible magic – specifically, he's one of the first people to use the Line of Vonh's unique magic to its fullest, which includes the Phoenix Wing Flame that provides a terrific defense, and a number of powerful spells mostly related to “charging” every time Aevon swings his sword, and then being fired off at a later point. Being he is the son of Vonh, he inherits superhuman abilities, and ownership of Grimoire Zwei, which used to belong to Vonh's cousin Tomas.
- Weaknesses: Aevon's Fatal Flaw is his ego and need to prove himself. He's almost tragically manipulable and basically the fall guy / active agent for any number of plans and schemes. He also has a tendency to lack foresight when doing something.
- Goals: 1) impress upon his father that he's actually worthy of the responsibilities of the prince.
- Motivation: Aevon has something of an inferiority complex – he's less skilled as a “talker” in comparison to Jaevan, his younger brother, and he's not as strong as his older brother Devan. He also feels he's a Suckcessor to Vonh, and that he needs to constantly prove himself as worthy of the destiny presented to him. His motivations and how they affect him change throughout Ends of Terra, and eventually he is motivated by what he saw, and the realization that destiny ain't all its cracked up to be.
- Role in the Story: The Hero / Anti-Hero Type 1 at first. He slowly moves into a more heroic role.
- Backstory: Aevon was the second born son of Vonh, the Hero King of the New Jerdian Kingdom, and the hero who moved the people of Terra to New Terra by activating the ancient machines La Darke, La York, and La Ziyed. Aevon was born of the union of King Vonh and Princess Thelina of Voschei. It had been discovered that the eldest son was the product of a debauched affair and Vonh was forced by the Senate to exile his first wife. Thelina bore him Aevon, who had apparently been born under auspicious signs. Aevon was then brought up as the heir, despite a large number of planners siding against him in hopes of making the son of Vonh and Queen Vesperia of Taldeim, Jaevan, the heir instead. Aevon always, despite this, had a very close relationship with his brothers, and little idea at first of the plans at work. This changed when he became fourteen, when he almost succumbed to poison, and after that he treated both of them more aloofly, and became dismissive of Jaevan. To his eternal regret later. Aevon was assigned duties at sixteen related to troops and trade agreements.
- Relevant Tropes:
- Ancestral Weapon: Inverted – Aebreum is still passed down by the Descendants of Vonh, though more than 65 million years have done a number to the blade, though not as much as it should've, given the way it was made.
- There is also Vonh's sword passed down – though that one got lost a while later, and ended up in the hands of the Azure King, one of the Four Kings of the Magical Side of Europe.
- And This Is for...: During the final battle with Shamshalg, Aevon takes Aebreum, and goes to town on Shamshalg's exposed core after Devan ensured the giant's weakness was available, shouting as he goes, “This is for my little brother! This is for the anguish you caused this Kingdom! And this...this is for my father!!”
- Arch-Enemy: Oh, its more than personal between him and Shamshalg. And it becomes mutual after Aevon liberates two of Shamshalg's children from his service, with Shamshalg flying into a wild, horrifying rage and pledging he will subject Aevon to “the most torturous, despairing, agonizing death I can fathom. He will know an eternity being digested in my hatred!!” Aevon later on exploits this, getting Shamshalg's massive “Evolved State” to chase him right into a plan by Devan, exposing the monster's core. From there...
- Armor Is Useless: Averted – armor back in those days was more than plate; most of it was enchanted in some way. Aevon's armor let him shrug off a shot from a BFG.
- Badass: Aevon by the time everything's said and done and he's ready to confront Shamshalg on his own terms rather than the giant's has become an incredibly powerful magician, an amazingly skilled swordsman, and capable of shutting the Maw Void – and killing the Source of Evil within it.
- Badass Family: Vonh is the Living Legend Hero King of Jerdia and Seillarch, his mom is an immeasurably skilled sorceress, his elder brother is a tremendously powerful swordsman capable of cutting down a fifty foot giant in a single swing, and his younger brother is a Technical Pacifist Reluctant Badass who if pressed too far can simply reverse his healing spells and reduce you to ashes. Though Aevon worries about not fitting in among these people, as time goes on, he more than earns his place.
- Be Careful What You Wish For: Aevon learned this hard with his wish that Vonh would spend some time with him, and the resulting running off to try to join his father. The last time he does this is a massive backfire – his father was distracted fighting Shamshalg and the Gadrai Nine, and when an inexperienced Aevon is unbalanced by Gabren and attacked by Shamshalg, Vonh performs a Heroic Sacrifice to save his son.
- Berserk Button: Do not bad-talk his father. Similarly, do not try to hurt Jaevan or, forbid, kidnap him.
- After they become allies and traveling mates and possibly more, harming Lucinia or inferring she is to die in any event is a bad idea.
- Big Brother Instinct: Despite his superiority-inferiority complex, he feels intensely protective of Jaevan, seeing it as his duty to protect his idealistic younger brother.
- Big Ego, Hidden Depths: Tied in with hidden depths below, Aevon feels a need to demonstrate what a man he is, and how awesome he is, purely because he feels like there's relatively speaking nothing really innately awesome about him.
- Black-and-White Insanity: He at first believed there were those who were for his prophecy (good) and those who were fighting against him and his role (evil). However, more and more this black and white moral view is challenged, with people who seem to be on his side being discovered to have malevolent agendas.
- Blade Break: He uses Aebreum more than once for such a stop, like when Shadofang hurled him out of a window in the midst of its first attempt to kidnap Jaevan.
- Blow You Away: He mostly uses wind magic at first, with an effect to them that resembles Getsuga Tensho.
- The Chosen One: At first played straight, but later the spirit of it is subverted; Aevon's Prophecy is utterly horrid, and after he discovers what it is and everything related to such prophecies, he basically refuses the role of the chosen one going forward.
- In fact, he deconstructs the trope himself far later, when talking Gabren out of barring his way to the final fight with Shamshalg. “My father treated you wrongly. He spoke from a perspective of arrogance, of competition. You don't need to compete to be special, to be chosen, to be the best. We're all chosen, we're all special. We're chosen by ourselves, to do what we believe to be right!”
- Cool Sword: Aebreum, which looks too big to be wielded with one hand, but had a spell core in the blade that makes it weigh far less when held by a member of the Vonnic Royal Family.
- Culture Clash: Aevon comes from Jerdia, an empire that has a very rigid system of gender norms, with a few solid exceptions, and as such was downright shocked at Lucinia's homeland of Sardia. Where the gender roles are basically the reverse of Jerdia – men are expected to prostrate themselves to women, and are commonly sexualized and viewed as “interesting sexy things” rather than people.
- Though given Lucinia has already been traveling for a while, she's far less shocked at Aevon's culture as she is dismayed at the values he has, which clued her in that the so-called prophecied hero barely left home.
- Deconstructor Fleet: Aevon is basically a decon-recon switch version of the classical prophecied hero who is destined to fight the malicious demon lord, in that the pressure and having to live up to his storied father is having negative effects on Aevon's mental health.
- The Extremist Was Right: Played With; Aevon acknowledges the trope when Shadofang reveals all his manipulations, kidnappings, and such were engineered to guide Aevon toward rejecting the prophecy and creating a “new future for Man.” He cannot approve of Shadofang's actions, and fights him nonetheless, but admits to himself that with few options and a Grotesque / Obviously Evil appearance and the immediate and threatening force presented by Shamshalg, if he was Shadofang, he would've seen no other way to do what needed to be done.
- Evil Counterpart: Shamshalg. Aevon is afraid of the responsibilities he'll have as the king. Shamshalg wants the throne because it is “his right”. Aevon made a group of friends over his travels. Shamshalg forced together a group of people opposed to Vonh's Kingdom as his Gadrai Nine. Aevon starts out immature and tries to mature to a better person after he realized what exactly he had been doing throughout his journey. Shamshalg is a Psychopathic Manchild who only gets worse, who never experiences any sort of regret.
- Foreshadowing: A lot of things that come up in his adventures reference or hint at later developments in New Dawn;
- Mention is made of a Hazard Gate Project, and building a better version of what Balmung employed. Jaevan is heavily involved in this; hinting at his voyage to Earth and creating the Vonnic Tribes and Atlantis.
- Likewise, we see Neverheim being forged just in case Amatsu Mikaboshi reconstitutes himself early after the blow Vonh did to him.
- The first enemy Aevon and his father fight is one Doctor Iwan Streiss, who is shown working on a robot using both magitech and a strange liquid
- The Gift: As a result of his parentage, Aevon has innate Grimoire-granted powers and magic, and through training since he was nine he became a talented swordsman. However, there is the matter of the fact he's never really had to make use of his gifts before in a serious manner...
- Glory Seeker
- Handsome Lech: Initially – Aevon is outright stated by Jaevan to be “very friendly to the maids.” In general, Aevon will not miss a chance to try to get laid.
- Heroic BSoD: In the aftermath of Vonh's death, while Jaevan basically cries every moment and Devan withdraws within himself, Aevon just seems to go catatonic. Even when standing to mourn at his father's grave, the poor guy just stands limply and doesn't even notice when his brothers left.
- He gets put through another when he discovers the reality of the prophecy he's chasing; he's supposed to kill his friends to produce a Blood Seal – a unique sealing spell – that would basically put Shamshalg and all his allies in another dimension where they'd be starved off from human souls and such, and thus eventually “dissipate”. It takes what amounts to a magical voice mail from his father to get him out of it.
- Hidden Depths: Underneath the haughty youth is a surprisingly introspective young man, self aware of just how he comes off, and trying to downplay his less appealing traits – such as fear of what the prophecy may bring despite his general excitement over it, and the fact he's deeply insecure about his role and his status as a Prince. “Devan is stronger, taller and more talented than me. Jaevan is a speaker, he orchestrates things, he's intelligent and kind. Me? I'm no King in the making. I'm just a blurry reflection of my father.”
- Heroes Prefer Swords: Aevon is ill-suited for using any weapon except for Aebreum, precisely because it is the sole weapon he has trained with, though he's not exactly harmless without it.
- Heroic Lineage: on two sides; his father is the legendary Hero King Vonh, who led the Terrans to New Terra, and who is descended from Jerdian Warrior-Kings and the Royal Family of Seillarch. His mother is Princess Thelina, Vonh's second wife, who is the scion of numerous Arch-Mages. However, this lineage of greats makes Aevon himself pathologically fear the fact he just seems...ordinary.
- Heroic Willpower: Found a well of this to get out of the BSOD and Roaring Rampage he found himself in, deciding for himself that this has gone on long enough and the time has come to put an end to Shamshalg.
- Hot-Blooded: Perhaps a little too much – Aevon's blood naturally runs hot.
- Immune to Fate: Aevon's defiance of the prophecy and decision to make his own fate almost make the gods decide to smite him...only to discover they can't. This trait of his apparently comes from his father and his mother.
- It Sucks to Be the Chosen One: Aevon very slowly comes to realize this after thinking his destiny was supposedly awesome. Only for him to realize that for his end of the prophecy to come true, most of his friends would need to ritualistically die in a certain way. And this is what he was charging so defiantly toward. His dad's words on destiny suddenly became pretty clear.
- It's All My Fault: What he lapses into when Vonh dies protecting him.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Aevon is a cocky, showy, oft-rude prick at the start of the story...but as we see things through his perspective, there is a better person he could be, and on increasing numbers of occasions, is. Case in point, after Lucinia was exiled, Aevon spends the longest time consoling her, and making sure she is in good emotional shape.
- Kill the God: He slays Shamshalg, who was revered by the monsters and “daemons” of the Maw Void as a god. However, Shamshalg isn't actually a god, he's just a collection of humans who were at the wrong place during a Time Crash.
- Knight in Shining Armor: Aevon is a handsome young man with extremely bright armor, a cape, and a big sword, and a liking for heroics. Deconstructed in that we see what the burdens of being such a person are, and what the effects on Aevon's psyche are.
- Legendary in the Sequel: Not nearly as much as his dad, known in the sequels as “Hero King Vonh the Destroyer of Despota and King of All Terra.” But in the sequels, it is Aevon's inventions and plans that guide several solutions to certain enemies, and his Anti-Magic God Sword Neverheim – created just in case Amatsu Mikaboshi came back – was indeed of great use dealing with Zeus. Aevon is generally known as a great King who led the Vonnic Tribesmen to Earth, who rescued his brothers, and defeated the Great Darkness Known As Shamshalg Semi-permanently. He is remembered well, even by the Mage Association, who invoke his name in their High Generals' oath of office.
- Living MacGuffin: Aevon is the center piece of a prophecy that either guarantees the New Terran Kingdoms will continue, or that “a great darkness will erupt from the Maw Void, and everything living will wither and die.” Literally. It is his existence that guarantees one result of the prophecy will occur, and he causes auspicious events by accident. For example, when visiting a small town, a cat screams continuously for ten minutes, at which point it dug its claws into itself and died. The town had a superstition about such a thing, namely, that it brings ill fortune. That night Shadofang and Lyanda attacked the town.
- Magic Knight: In fact, he became famous far later for fighting just as well with his spells as he does with his sword. Hence why the Descendants of Vonh teach the young both spells and swordsmanship.
- Mr. Fanservice: Aevon is extremely good looking, and he knows it.
- My God, What Have I Done?: When he realizes his dismissal of Jaevan's concerns and fright over a “shadow person” got him captured by Shadofang, the said shadow person, he does 3 things; tries to drown his sorrows in wine, goes on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge, and then sinks into depression.
- Narcissist: Aevon has a high opinion of himself at the start, outright appearing to a royal party shirtless. However, this masks his uneven self image.
- Break the Haughty: Across the story, things happen to break Aevon's haughtiness, some comical...others far less so. Others still become utterly unfunny when examined in context. For example, a scene where Aevon trips on some wine and falls on a table would be goofy if it happened any other time than when Aevon was trying to allay his worry and horror over Jaevan getting kidnapped by Shadofang, a member of the Gadrai Nine.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: Aevon pursued his destiny, which he thought was just to defeat Shamshalg and settle peace on New Terra, leading Jerdia into a new age of prosperity.
- No Yay: Count Idrol – an extremely old, Lean and Mean bandage mummy of a Count – says when he thinks nobody is listening that he wants to possess Aevon's body not for his Gadrai Nine employers wishes, but because; “Beauty can cover all manner of sins. My work would be so much more easy if I possessed the gloriously muscled, handsome form of that youth.”
- Protagonist-Centered Morality: At first played straight, but later defied by Aevon - “I won't do anything if it looks like it might have been done by Shamshalg in an act of malice.” He refuses to let one of his team mates sentence one of the Gadrai Nine to a Fate Worse than Death after said member of the Gadrai Nine – Zeiven – reveals why he got forced into the group.
- “The Reason You Suck” Speech: Shamshalg tries one on him, but by that time, Shamshalg was so deep in a Villainous Breakdown – his core exposed, his weaknesses aligning themselves and nothing turning out like the prophecy said – it comes off more as a rant;
- ”USELESS! LIFELESS! LACKLESS!! HOPELESS!!! You are all of these things, you disgusting, wretched little brat! The future has been shown to you, despair – despair is the future! There is naught for you in hope and friendship but ashes to lay upon your tongue!! Perish knowing naught you do matters!!”
- Revenge Before Reason: After Vonh's death, for a good while until Devan lets him have it, if a member of the Gadrai Nine shows up, Aevon would go after that person and try to kill them.
- Roaring Rampage of Revenge: He does not take his older brother's crippling injury – the loss of his arm to Gabren of the Gadrai Nine – and the kidnapping of his younger brother very well at all. He starts the “fight” with Gabren by punching him in the face with his gauntleted hand hard enough to break the gauntlet and send Gabren flying. He proceeds to fight Rainard – a water magic slinging Evil Sorcerer – and Lyanda – a beastmaster who can command dragons – and even when the fight goes south, Aevon basically drags himself to his feet and kept fighting. It took Shadofang teleporting him away to get him to stop.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: The red – excitable, enthusiastic, cocky – to Devan's blue – calm and cerebral.
- Royal Blood: On his father's side, he's the scion of the old Kings of Jerdia and Seillarch, and on his mother's side he is basically the Prince of Voschei, a land of mages and spells, and given the royal family's traits, this gives Aevon innate extremely high magical aptitude. Though considering the immediate trope below, he needed to do a lot of work before he was “worthy” of what he had.
- Royal Brat: At first, though not nearly as bad as the likes of Joffrey. He still at first insists on being shown a lot of respect for being a prince. He's also remarkably vain and appears at least to be too self-absorbed.
- Screw Destiny: Punctuated by doing something nobody else would dare do; slug Wolfang Richler – The Prophecy Relayer himself – in the face.
- Shirtless Scene: Like his father, Aevon starts off getting out of bed...and then admiring how well developed he is. This is then disrupted hilariously by Devan telling him to “stop falling in love with yourself and get down here, Father has an important announcement!”
- Shut Up, Hannibal!: In response to Idrol's strange, disturbing and rambling lecture about perfection and his intention to rule the world as the embodiment of perfection, Aevon slashes through sixteen of his guards and then responds thusly; “You're insane, and I'm taking you down.”
- Slavery Is a Special Kind of Evil: Aevon is utterly furious when he learns that Gabren's Empire of Shard still takes slaves and trades them around. Gabren however counters with an accusation of his own; “Your land of Jerdia is no moral paragon – men in your state are allowed to marry teenage girls and be forceful with them. Tis their right, your nobles say. No such horrific “right” exists in Shard.” This makes Aevon's later stand off with Gabren an even harder thing for him to deal with.
- Thousand-Yard Stare: At Vonh's funeral. While Jaevan screams and cries, and Devan tries to be stoic, Aevon just looks utterly broken. He cannot permit himself to show emotion, and he feels staying silent disrespects his father's memory. So he just mumbles a little and stares...
- Tournament Arc: While Aevon fights in the tournament, dealing with the likes of Gabren Daindred and getting humbled a little by Lucinia, Vonh and his other sons deal with a plot by Shamshalg to cause the entire area of the tourney to collapse into the ground.
- Tragic Keepsake: A scarf Thelina made for Vonh. She gave it to him after he heard the last message, and he always keeps it near.
- Unwitting Pawn: Manipulated during the start of his adventure by both Shamshalg and the native gods.
- Values Dissonance: New Terra is not modern day America.
- Scoffs at his sister's desire to rule her own country. Makes several jokes about the “ridiculous idea of a female sovereign.” Granted, Lucinia makes him eat his words during the Grand Tournament Arc.
- Makes some extremely racist jokes about some fantastic races like Shardians and Southrons. Given Fantasy Counterpart Culture, this makes some ugly implications. Though he does learn his lesson in the Shard Arc.
- Warrior Prince: Aevon matures into a true warrior prince, adept in both swordsmanship and devastating magic.
- "Well Done, Son" Guy: He really, really wanted his father to acknowledge him as a worthy son, though Vonh was most often away, dealing with the Gadrai Nine or the pressures and issues of ruling an empire.
- Wham Episode: The Reveal of the true nature of the prophecy, the fact not even Wolfang the Prophet himself can actually change it – another of his half-truths – and that the solution Aevon was rushing off toward would have left him at the end of the day a kinslayer, a friendslayer, and reviled though he saved the world.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Devan calls out Aevon after a few incidents wherein he went charging off, and asked, “If you haven't noticed, you're the King now, not a berserker. So get your head together and stop running off! Do you want to make father's death senseless?”
- You Are Better Than You Think You Are: What Vonh's final message was. “You get trapped in this cycle – you don't think you're good enough, but any success is immediately measured unfairly. Listen, Aevon, I love you. I love you like I love all my sons. There's no deficit in that. You're not inferior, or weak, or useless. You're your own man, and you shouldn't live your life frantically trying to be someone else. That's the truth...never forget, I am always with you. In your heart.”
- You Killed My Father: “...I am Aevon Rubrenor. You killed my father when he was right in front of me. Prepare to die, Shamshalg!!!”
I can't find any gripes, its pretty solid all around.
Well, a few months back one of the posters in this thread gave me a critique to improve one of my protagonists, and so I have.
Name: Markor "Em" Bron
Age: 18
Personality: Alternates between stoic for missions and cheerful for normal life. Has a polite, formal way of speaking in both states however. Deeply understands why someone would think cynically/nihilistically, and rejects it because it's counter-productive
Abilities: Temporary Martial Arts mimicry, Instant Expert with a wide range of melee and ranged weapons designed for humanoids. Light Super Strength. Enhanced Stamina. Immunity to PTSD and shock ( Due to his family line originally having been engineered for war). Hastened blood clotting. Longevity (Engineered to live 485 years on average)
Weaknesses: With added effort, anything that can kill a normal human.
Goals: To earn a living, and do some good while at it.
Motivation: [[Determinator A desire to help that defies common sense at points.]]
Role in the story: The Protagonist
Backstory: Markor was born into a strict and distant upper-class upbringing, having spent most of his youth in rigid boarding schools, with vacations being reserved for interactions with his parents, both former members of the military that took over the former United States. This lifestyle served to harden his resolve and discipline, at the expense of friends and assorted social contact. Upon turning 17, he graduated with high grades and, with gift money granted to him by his family, purchased a high-rise apartment and equipment for his chosen career, Bounty Hunting, along with an alien mentor called Soter to teach him things that a formal education does not. A year later, and he is ready to help the authorities administer justice to this new human civilization.
Relevant Tropes:
Armor Is Useless. Averted. His powersuit allows him to survive many things that would kill him otherwise.
Anti-Hero: Type 3
Anti-Nihilist: Understands why someone would find life and altruism pointless, continues to help anyway.
Badass Grandpa: His 219-year-old grandfather, who is still alive, spry and the source of the families’ wealth.
Bishonen: Oh yes.
Bio Punk: The world he's in is this crossed with a bit of superheroes and space opera.
Bounty Hunter: His job.
Cool House:Lives in a spacious, high-rise apartment with a great overlook of the city below.
Combat Tentacles:Has a black, eyeless snake implanted underneath and inside his right arm, capable of administering a sleep-inducing poison to a target. Gains other variants of this as the story carries on.
Crimefighting with Cash: Money allows him to purchase a lot of equipment. He also occasionally gives money to the poor, though these transactions are done in person, as he feels skeptical of charities.
Dark Is Not Evil: Has blood red skin and eyes, fangs, pointed ears and black claws instead of finger and toenails. Is polite, helpful and for the most part a benevolent soul.
Designer Babies: Is one, with largely the genes of his war hero grandfather implanted.
Determinator
Gaia's Lament: His world is dark and cloudy from the centuries of war predating the unification, barren wastes of black ash and a toxic sea around his home city.However, there is an active initiative to restore the planet and repopulate it with modified animal and plant life that can survive more easily.
Genetic Engineering Is the New Nuke: The source of his and his ancestors' appearence and abilties.
Knight in Sour Armor: A textbook example.
Lonely Rich Kid: Has little to no friends and avoids lavish and/or overcrowded events.
Military Brat: His mother, father and grandfather both have a history of service, and this reflects in his demeanor.
Mr. Vice Guy: Is not above no-strings-attached sex with guys that capture his fancy. His mentor indulges his vice on occasion aswell.
Non-Idle Rich: Goes without saying.
Only Known by Their Nickname: Em, which is his mentors' species word for "Rookie".
Pet the Dog: Will frequently pay visits to any people he rescues to see if they are doing alright, and later on actively partakes in the initiative to repair the Earth’s environment.
Organic Technology: See Combat Tentacles above. Also, gets more genetic implants the further the story goes.
Powered Armor: The full body suit he wears to a lot of assignments.
Transhuman: Of the genetically engineered kind.
Wise Beyond Their Years: Is 18 years old, yet has a very calm and disciplined tone about him, along with a marked understanding of the worlds' less savory workings. This is a general part of his setting, with teenagers barely out of puberty being societally pressured into getting their own homes and jobs to bolster the newly-founded economy, with college education being barred until they reach the age of 30.
edited 30th Sep '15 3:54:26 PM by Kanonite
"Hunger teaches Resourcefulness. Isolation teaches Clarity. Deprivation teaches Discipline. Terror teaches Alacrity."
Interesting guy. A badass is here. Sound cool, i need a bit more explanation for him. Markor sound cool.
![]()
Aevon has a promising trope collection. I gonna very glad of reading more of him. Good guy. Look like a lot of Character Development in the way. That is good.
This guy is the Main Character of a story who i'm trying to write. (My prose is really bad).
Name: Brandon "Bran" Harlaw.
Age: 16 in the beggining. 19 in the ending. 20 in The Epilogue.
Apparience: Black Hair, brown eyes, a bit tanned, a bit pudge (bordeline Hollywood Pudgy). Wear casual clothes.
Personality: Bran is gentle but can be very irritable. He has a low esteem product of his No Social Skills and his lack of many "male" qualities. He is a example of Upbringing Makes the Hero, he has good parents who help him to become into a moral person...probably so moral for his own sake. Bran is a conservative and a no practicant member to The Church of the loving Father/Mother He like helping others and believe who the Humans Are Flawed and one must try to be a example. He not is a good example like he want. He know who he is very flawed and he feels bad for that. He is attemp to All-Loving Hero who want be the best man who he can.
Abilities: Bran live in The Last Nation. A mini-continent with two Great Cities and several towns. He born in Ravine of God, a town who is subscribed to Bachilea, the younger of the "Two Cities". The cities are ruled by a social system based of the Psychical Powers of the citizents, Bran is a "B-Class". He has a good power (Telekynesis. With a enought strenght to destroying a medium hill with huge concentration. He sent a pink aura when he uses that, Hilarity Ensues.
He eventually get a Pink Geme. A Magical stone who let who he can summon the power of certains "gods" to become more powerful. He get the favor of Pardon, god of Forgiveness and eventually Bran become The Hope Crusher and he is called The Savior of The Crossed. He need the defence of the Pink Geme to fight, he is a novice witouth Super Strenght or resistence. He need the energy barriers to survive a fight.
Weakness: The Anti Psi field can stop his powers temporally. His Pink Geme can be broken by overcharge or pure strength. He also can be triggered by many enemies. Also a better fighter can beat him. A Demon Prince can beat him with only his Super-Strength. Also other Gem users can beat him. Like The Savior of the Crossed he can be defeated by a powerful Psi User and plenty powerful Gem Users. His Arch-Enemy can Curb-Stomb him until their last battle in with Bran use all of his powers plus the help or all the living cast to attack him. Their finally end fighting like equals with both in their maximun.
Goals: Peace, he want living peaceful with his Love Interest. He want have a good life with his job as a periodist (in his later years) and be respeted by the city. He want stop the Big Bad and his lies. He eventually choose become The Savior and he get the mission to stop the Big Bad and give the Forgive of God to the world (In the series. God Is Good, i get tired of the God Is Evil trope).
Role in the Story: The Hero. With three POV around he is one of the two heroic POV. His story is a Coming of Age Story.
Backstory: He was a Nice Guy with religious tendencies raised in a town who moving to Bachilea and get a career like a Periodist and a job too (Bachilea University is different to our...at least Latinoamerican ones). He learn much about many sobrenatural things even for a City filled with people with superpowers and become Pals with Jesus.
edited 18th Oct '15 5:52:13 PM by KazuyaProta
Watch me destroying my country
What a weird name for a church. I supposed it's Played for Laughs or something like that? Also, Hope Crusher isn't some power I would give to an hero...
Name: Samael.
Age:33.
Appearance: Samael is caucasian, with black hair and blue eyes. Despite his laziness, he is actually pretty fit, but thats why Gabriel is a workaholic that pretty much forces him to work in her rhythm, and that's something very,very intense.
He wears an white armor with an white cape, and two scabbards, but not because he wield two swords, but because he often tries to sheath his sword on the wrong side, and that are precious seconds wasted trying to catch a sword he sheated on the air.
Personality: Samael don't believes in good or evil, but follows good because he lacks the enjoyment that he thinks he would have to follow evil. What definitively put him in the path of good was Michael, that, in Samael's own words, "showed love for him for no reason", aka Agape, even if he honestly thinks Michael's path will only bring pain to him, somehow.
In general his mind isn't all there, probably because he isn't very interested in reality, and he seems to be living somewhere else, only with his body chained to Earth. This distance he puts between reality and his own thoughts can make people see him as rude when he says something very bluntly when his mind suddenly comes back, what genuinely he isn't.
Abilities: Samael wields Melancholia, aka Nemesis, a sword that can only be wielded by those who have darkness in his hearts, but desire to use it for good.
Samael's black sword allows him to summon a black liquid from inside his own body, a representation of his indifference with the world, lacking in any color. He can freely manipulate the liquid like water to throw at his enemies.
His secondary ability is red lightning, who he can use with his fingers to burn his opponents.
His angelic factor, a special power given by awakening the power of the angel parts on his body and conducting them on the sword, is "Blind Justice". It creates a black sphere around the target where's impossible to anyone to see anything unless you're Samael.
Weaknessess: In general, anything hot or bright, like light and fire attacks, can makes the black liquid evaporate.
The red lightning takes some seconds to be used, because Samael must think sadistic thoughts before using it, and he can't use it along his sword, since they're incompatible with one another.
"Blind Justice" can only be used one time for day, and it only can be active for two minutes, so Samael must be fast. Allso, obviously, the target can still hear.
Goals: Four beautiful concubines with four different colors of hair except red, that's all he asks from Cain.
Motivations: He really doesn't have much motivation, but is moved to defeat Cain because he feels that if he is left unchecked, soon Samael will not have time to cloudcuckooland anymore. Also, his "four concubines" wish was made because he wanted to wish something "big, but mundane".
Role In The Story: The Chick from Team Angel, he is different in the sense he have "evil" abilities and don't puts his heart in doing what is right. The Blue Oni to Gabriel Red Oni .
Backstory: Samael was abandoned when he was a baby, and it was raised in the same orphanage as the other members of his group. When he was 13, a priest almost beat him up to death after Samael insulted a corrupt politician that visited the orphanage, that promised money to the institution only to make himself look better.
Michael took care of him and he escaped along the others from the orphanage.
For some years, they lived from stealing, where ironically Samael took the leadership because Michael was a little reluctant to steal people.
When they were 18, Samael saw in television the corrupt politician was going to run for president,and decided to steal his house.
To their surprise, the politician wasn't only corrupt as a demon worshipper, and he caught them invading their house and persecuted them.
Was then that Emannuel, a demon hunter, that had come to investigate the politician, appeared and saved them from the demon minions of the politician. When realized he was before four children named after angels, Emmanuel took that as a signal and took them to his order, where they were trained to fight demons, and given their weapons. Samael decided to give the leadership of the group to Michael, saying his soul was probably the most pure, and therefore the most rightful to lead now that they followed the path of good.
Four years later, Uriel gave birth to Vergil, and Samael was chosen to be godfather. The baby grew unnaturally fast and, combined with its bizarre appearance(looking more like a yeti than a human), made the other hunters believe that Uriel had sex with a demon or something of the sort, and Samael took the role of training the kid.
Ten years later, the giant demon Ifrit was awakened by humans in Armenia in a archaeological site. Surprisingly, the demon wasn't hostile, and proposed a deal of peace and cooperation betweeen his legion of demons and mankind. Just when the government of Armenia was about to reveal its discovery, Russia nuked the site, believing Ifrit to be a WMD that Armenia was keeping on secret. Ifrit survived, but that only lead him to believe that humanity hasn't grown at all since the birth of Christ and decided to initiate a very literal holocaust upon the human race.
The five fought in the war against Ifrit. But, though his demons were weak, Ifrit himself was too powerful for them.
Was then that Cain appeared. He said he particularly didn't like Ifrit, and it was glad to make an deal to that would result in its defeat, and asked if Samael had an wish in his heart.
After seeing the alternate versions of his teammates, Samael joined them, despite finding them annoying.
Relevant Tropes:
Covert Pervert: Very covert. The reasons he isn't so obvious is why he is too much of a doormat to show excitement, but his mind is...doing things.
Dark Is Not Evil: Dark sword, dark powers and even dark hair and, contrasting with his own team. Still good.
Evil Counter Part: Cain says that "you're like me, if I was an lazy ass;and actually good". They also share the red lightning, a manifestation of their internal sadism.
Foil: To Mercenary. Both wield Melancholia(from different universes), but while the immortal sees the sword as his friend and calls her by name, Samael often forgets what side of the body he left the sword on and sometimes throws her, much to the irritation of the immortal, that received the sword as a present of his own godfather.
Genre Savvy: Why he lets Michael be the leader.
The Power of Love: "I don't believe in good and evil, but I believe in love."
edited 18th Oct '15 4:54:49 PM by MeetTheNewBoss
You claim that God is opressing us, but I see you opressing others without needing a God.
That is the motive becuase Bran is the Hope Crusher, he destroy hopes. But only hopes of people who honestly, don't deserve a happy ending. He don't kill them or put them into a Fate Worse than Death. He just stop the villains to archive goals. He is actually a Nice Guy, the irony of his power become evident to many character. Considering who the Big Bad is basically the bad side of Hope (a madmen who never give up even if that hurt everyone). I think who can work.
![]()
,![]()
![]()
, You know what would be good? Appearance. Justo to have a better idea of what you guys have created.
Edit: Hum, I actually checked Cain's description you made in the other thread. Considering Cain have Rape by Proxy in his list, I can only presume Samael's thoughts are...kink, like his Evil Counterpart?
The two scabbards seem funny, actually.
Otherwise, go ahead. It seems very good.
edited 18th Oct '15 6:39:44 PM by JusticEqualsVengeance
What is anime? Anime is...only a weeaboo way of saying animation, really.![]()
I think this is the first time I saw a Extreme Doormat that's not painfully shy. That's pretty nice.
Does the black liquid deal damage, and if so, how much?
Anyways, here is Dave again. He and his story that he is in has changed a LOT, though. It can now be described as Kamen Rider Gaim meets Degrassi The Next Generation.
- Name: David Piscine
- Appearance: Here
. On the left is DesertWind, in the middle is AdamantEagle, and on the right is David himself.
- Age: 15-16ish.
- Personality: At first glance, David looks like a brash, reckless, easily manipulatable energetic Idiot Hero; however, look deeper and you actually see parts of a clever Guile Hero, able to think on his feet whilst saving lives. He isn't reluctant to use violence, although he only uses it when he thinks he has no other option. Killing is still a bridge too far for him, though.
- Abilities: David is quite skilled with technology, which was one of the reasons he's accepted into Excalibur. Aside from that, he's quite personable and has a basic grasp on combat. His greatest ability is, however, his GEAR, which allows him to access various exosuits, called Drives. The drives that he owns are detailed below.
- The AdamantEagle Drive grants him far greater physical strength and stamina, as well as an powerful shield generator called the GuardProjector, which can create a powerful forcefield.
- The DesertWind Drive enchances his speeds to ludicrous degrees, as well as giving him fire manipulation powers
- Weaknesses: David is a lazy bum when it comes to schoolwork. Most of the time, he'd rather fight crime or watch Spacetime Knight instead of making his homework. Also, he's absolutely terrible with foreign languages, and has a bad case of Chronic Hero Syndrome.
- AdamantEagle isn't the fastest Drive around and lacks ranged weapons, meaning that it can be kited by faster, more nimble Drives. The forcefield generated by theGuardProjector can be destroyed with varying degrees of effort depending how large the forcefield is.
- DesertWind, on the other hand, is fragile. Take away its speed, and it is essentially a sitting duck. In addition, most of his strength relies on Death of a Thousand Cuts; a sufficiently tanky opponent can simply No-Sell it's blows.
- Goals: Stop the COG attacks in Kingswood.
- Motivation: "I don't know why you need some grand motive to defend people. If you have the power, why don't use it for good?"
- Role in the story: The Hero.
- '''Backstory: Despite the fact that his mother disappeared at a young age and his father is pretty much continuously working in the other side of the country, David had a pretty stable childhood. He managed to get a scholarship to the Excalibur Institute for Higher Learning, along with his sister, before the story began.
- Relevant tropes:
- Absent-Minded Professor: As Eve put it: "David is the kind of guy who could invent a cure for cancer in three days, and promptly forget that he made one until he found it whilst bingewatching Spacetime Knight."
- Ascended Fanboy:Was a fan of Spacetime Knight before gaining his GEAR.
- Badass
: Most of the protagonists in Vindexi Populi fumble through their initial transformations, and only barely manage to defeat the COGs thrown in their way. David, though? He managed to transform into Adamant Eagle and curbstomp the COG effortlessly.
- Beehive Barrier
- Brilliant, but Lazy: If he can do it later, he'll put it off until then. That being said...
- Determinator: Holy cow, is he ever. If he sets his mind to it, he'll do it, no matter the cost.
- How Do I Shot Web?: Subverted, which is slightly surprising for a series that shows people fumbling with their GEARs at first. Considering he owns several Spacetime Knight belt buckle toys,some which work just like a GEAR, he has experience with them.
- Multiform Balance: Master of None(Base Augments (Driveless)), Mighty Glacier (AdamantEagle Drive), Fragile Speedster (DesertWind Drive).
- My Sister Is Off-Limits: Is pretty protective of Eve. Hell, he says "Stop sexualizing my sister!" so much, it may even be his Catchphrase
- Nice Guy
- Sophisticated as Hell:"We can have a nice debate on master-slave morality after I kicked your ass!"
- Weapon Of Choice:
- Cool Sword: The HexBlade, which can combine with other weapons. Shared across David's Drives.
- Luckily, My Shield Will Protect Me: GuardProjector, which can comine with an HexBlade to become the HexClaymore, a BFS.
- Dual Wielding: In DesertWind, David gains an second Hexblade.
- Wrong Genre Savvy: Slightly. He assumes he's in a straight Toku instead of being in a reconstruction of one. Despite this, he does slightly recognize the darker parts of the setting.
edited 23rd Oct '15 6:11:03 AM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the TurbinesDavid comes across to me as the type of person that knows what he's doing. Reading the definition of Guile Hero, I kinda wonder if he could actually do some stuff as plain old David, such as tricking an antagonist to walk into a trap in the guise of an ordinary citizen.
However, my two nitpicks are this: What is Excalibur? Is it a combat school, ála Beacon Academy from RWBY, or just a normal school? And what happens when a GEAR is activated? Does it change anyone's appearance? Is it something you wear on your body?
But really, I just commented because I'm a complete sucker for speedsters, as seen in my profile picture.
EDIT: Also, the utter and complete directness of his "Catchphrase" is exactly why I find it so amusing.
edited 23rd Oct '15 7:27:48 AM by TroPartner
I'm glad you liked David. He did manage to screw over the villains by disabling the bugs that they implanted in his GEAR, leaving them without useful data to improve THEIR own GEARs like they did in Gaim.
Also, to adress your concerns:
- Excalibur is mostly a normal, although highly prestigious school. They do have a disproportionally large amounts of clubs dedicated to combat in most of it's forms, though.
- A GEAR generates Powered Armor when it's activated. Although in it's base form, it's barely any better than a normal human, inserting Drives in GEARs grants the user superpowers, some stock, some lesser so. In addition, the armor generated by the GEARs soaks up all the damage to the user, although there's only so many damage it can soak up until the armor is destroyed and the user is knocked out cold.
Also, GEARs are definitely not standard issue for Excalibur students.
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines![]()
![]()
Bran has opinions and ideals actually, very strong in fact. He is just too asocial to share them (and nobody can heard him). He side with the Big Good because he share his opinions. And he make many, many things.
@hand A solid start for a character. I like his laziness, then again, I always like flaws that have a potential for humor.
Just a few nitpicks is all I have, probably more in line with your writing itself that the actual character, but some of your names/catchphrases seem a bit stilted.
For e.g. I can't see anyone in the real world actually saying "stop sexualizing my sister". "Stop hitting on my sister" or something along those lines would probably feel more natural.
Similarly, Desert Wind and Adamant Eagle sound more like usernames on this very forum than combat.
But again, these are minor nit-picks. This sounds like a good start to a character.
This is a remake of a character I posted several pages back. I've fleshed out his character more, added a few things, removed a few.
Name: Recon Real Name
Age: This is left ambiguous in the story itself, it's implied he's thousands if not millions of years old.
His biological age (the age his body is) is around 25.
Appearance: Short, ash-grey hair framing a feminine-looking face. Has a case of Eyes Always Shut, which gives him a very sleepy look overall.
His face and his scrawnier-than-usual body means he's been mistaken for a girl on multiple occasions.
His eyes are revealed to be a very bright shade of silver. And I do mean bright.
Personality: Just as his appearance would imply, he is laid-back to a fault. He likes to casually talk to almost everyone, running his mouth for no other reason than he can about mostly pointless things when he's not yanking around their chains. Tends to fall asleep at random moments, although nobody really notices as he's extremely skilled in hypnopædia, so he can keep up with a conversation even while snoozing.
He's shown to have a surprisingly thoughtful, even downright sweet side. He's able to tune into most of his loved ones' thoughts and give them any kind of support he can provide. While his methods are ...blunt, this means he's also honest and up-front about what he thinks is good about them.
When his eyes open, his casual, laid-back demeanor doesn't change. However, that aspect of his personality takes on a much more disturbing turn. He doesn't flinch when confronted by gruesome and/or horrific things like, say, a field of rotting corpses. Similarly, he seems be completely devoid of empathy towards his enemies, dismissing pleas for mercy with a smile and a cheerful "Of course not," before he executes them.
Backstory:
Part 1
With no father at home and his mother being busy getting all the work she could get, he spent most of his time at home taking care of his sister. The two developed a very close familial bond.
A few years passed like this before his mother married and up-and-coming police officer in the community.
His step-father turned out to be an abusive sadist who enjoyed inflicting pain on others. Recon, unwilling to let the other members of his family be hurt, intentionally agitated the man and then bore the beatings himself so that his family wouldn't be forced to starve again.
This came to a head when a particularly nasty bout of violence broke out when Recon wasn't home and his step-father blinded his sister with a pot of boiling water. Recon snapped and killed the man before running away from home, and he was on the run for a few years.
Part 2
After a few years of this, he and his team were confronted by an army of robots, controlled by a man by the name of "Grey Mann". They fought him to a stand-still until the scales were tipped by a mysterious man in a blue suit giving Grey Mann a dangerous, unstable element. When Grey applied this metal to his robots, they went berserk, killing Grey Mann and beginning a take-over of the world.
Recon's sister and mother were killed, causing him to fall into a catatonic state where he basically had to be dragged into an underground shelter. There, he was experimented on by the Administrator, using the same element that created the berserk robots. He was the only survivor of over one thousand experiments. Due to the unique abilities that this project awakened, he was named "Deicide".
Several years passed, where he developed a close, non-romantic relationship with the Administrator's assistant Miss Pauling. However, the robots found their shelter and broke in. The Administrator, Miss Pauling, and the other survivors in the shelter were killed. He and the other eight mercenaries survived to transporting themselves to other dimensions. Now, they have no other purpose than to track the movements of the robots and stop their numerous invasions into other dimensions.
And yes, before you ask, he is (or was) the Scout.
Abilities:
- Air Manipulation: Has the ability to manipulate air at point-blank range (literally about a foot away from his body is where this ability stops working). However, he can do various things to this air, including adding literally explosive power to his strikes, and walking on the air as if it was solid ground.
- Space Manipulation: He can bend space around himself. Trying to extend the range beyond a foot from his body wreaks havoc on reality itself, so he keeps it at pretty much point-blank range. However, this means he can literally bend bullets and other projectiles around himself.
- Gravity Redirection: Can redirect his own personal gravity to be able to stand on walls and ceiling as if they were the floor. Can weaken gravity on himself and whatever he's touching, but not strengthen it.
- Anti-Magic: Is immune to any type of supernatural/arcane attack. Anything from a simple fireball to a god's smiting is going to bounce off of him.
- Charles Atlas Superpower: Has literally no upper limit to how fast he can go. Is strong enough to punch through solid metal and castle walls with very little effort.
- Super-Senses: So extreme that it basically gives him a limited form of omniscience, in that he could perceive an invisible ant in a 80 meter radius (depending on the conditions). His brain function has similarly been expanded, so he doesn't suffer from overloading.
- Power Copying: Not just powers, but anything. He can even replicate the exact tone of a specific dog-whistle with just his fingers after only hearing it once, and can memorize entire textbooks by flipping through all the pages. However, he cannot copy magic techniques, and he cannot copy weapon styles either.
- Omnicide: Can kill anything, and it stays dead. People killed by him cannot come back to life, and their souls disappear, not showing up to the afterlife. The scrap metal from robots killed by him cannot be use to create any functional machine. If he kills the god of Death on that planet it means people on that planet cannot die anymore, effectively giving him the ability to kill concepts. Can even kill illusions of people and it will cause the real thing to drop dead.
Goals: Following with his laid-back personality, he has very few goals in life besides "make the lives of those around me as enjoyable as possible" and "find a worthwhile way to die."
Weaknesses:
- Squishy: In video-game speak: his DEF stat is 0. He can take a couple of hits. But his defense revolves completely around not getting hit in the first place.
- Concentration: Even with his enhanced mind, he needs to concentrate while fighting or he will not be able to use his powers properly. Distractions can hamstring his combat ability.
- No Drive: As mentioned below, he is utterly disinterested in anything that's not his team, his friends, or sleeping/eating. Even direct insults to his person don't provoke him.
Motivation: Believe it or not, when left alone he's harmless. He does not possess the drive to make any big decisions on his own. As a result, his motivations come solely from the actions of other characters in the story. However, once he has been given motivation, he'll see it done.
Role in the story: He quickly finds himself in a romantic relationship with one of the other characters (a denizen on the world he happens to be visiting), and that character is basically tasked with keeping him under control and bringing out the best in him.
He, in turn, shows her the harsher side of reality, and helps her cope with it. In the end, they are both there to improve each other.
Aside from that, he also periodically gives frank advice to those who ask it from him. He also has a knack with children, and he serves as a surrogate older brother and, later on, parent to one particular child.
Relevant Tropes:
- A God I Am Not: Has been called a god in the past, he rebutts by saying he's the opposite.
- Affably Evil: Can come across as this in his worse moments. Has casual conversations even with surrendering opponents before ripping their lungs out of their ribcages.
- American Accents: Speaks with a pronounced Brooklyn accent, which becomes even more pronounced when he's excited or agitated.
- Ambiguous Disorder: The experiments removed core parts of humanity. He shows a disturbing lack of empathy towards those he considers enemies, treating them less like other sentient beings and more like obstacles or just animals to be slaughtered.
- Angst? What Angst?: It's a miracle he's still functioning given everything he's been through. He's genuinely in pain, but he doesn't talk or even think about it, and tries to change the topic if someone else brings it up.
- Animal Motifs: Rabbits. He's sweet and soft around those he likes. However, this also alludes to his tendency to "run away" from his own personal problems.
- Anti-Hero: Type 4. His sole redeeming traits are how deeply he cares for his loved ones and how he wouldn't harm an innocent.
- Awesomeness by Analysis: He can basically figure out everything about you with a single glance, from when your concentration wavers, to the natural, subconscious rhythms of your body, to the exact range of your field of view.
- Badass:
- Badass Longcoat: Has a long duster he wears when in combat. Not only does it help to break up his figure and make him harder to hit, but it's also made out of a special fiber that helps him control his air powers. When he's not using it, it automatically folds itself neatly into a duffel-bag.
- Empowered Badass Normal: Has enhancements that give him super-speed, but in the end it comes down to his fists, and the ability for him to see any weakness in his foes.
- Heartbroken Badass: His entire planet is dead, including his beloved little sister.
- Hidden Badass: Most of the time people don't consider him a threat until it's too late.
- Submissive Badass: Orders and requests from other people are one of the two ways that he actually does anything other then goof around. The other is when someone tries to hurt his loved ones.
- Bad Liar: Subverted. He can lie like a rug when he needs to. But 99.9% of the time he can't be bothered, leading to Brutal Honesty below.
- Bag of Holding: He is usually carrying around a duffel bag. It contains his armor and his soda.
- Bare-Fisted Monk: His primary way of fighting, and not just limited to his fists. Along with his air powers, he can and does use his knees, palms, elbows, and feet to smash his way through reinforced steel.
- Berserk Button: It's specific, as he's difficult to piss off in general. But if someone he cares about is attacked, with no hope of being able to fight back, not even miracles can save the perpetrator.
- Beware the Silly Ones: Many people don't take him seriously due to his care-free attitude and half-asleep expression. For a lot of them, this was their last mistake.
- Big Eater: As expected, moving around that fast and perceiving everything in a large radius around you burns calories like nobody's business. He mainly intakes calories through a can of formula he carries around in his bag that's instantly fatal to anyone else. Anything aside from that is barely a blip in the calorie meter.
- Blood-Splattered Warrior: One of the first things that clue the not-his-team characters to his grislier side. In his defense, he's rather fastidious about washing himself off afterwards.
- Big Brother Instinct: One of the few things he kept from his past life. He instinctively reaches out and befriends isolated or love-starved children, acting as their guardian and mentor. Whether it's because he sees his past family in them or whether he just does it because he can is anyone's guess.
- Broken Ace: A wretched man who lost everything, yet still does his best to be as positive a role model as possible to anyone who might still look up to him.
- Brutal Honesty: Is extremely blunt, especially when discussing the faults and failings of somebody. On the flipside, he's also frank when discussing their good points as well.
- Cool Helmet: A gas-mask/helmet hybrid that pops out of his duffel bag he always carries on his back. grey with a v-shaped visor for the eyes.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Acts like a complete clown, mostly just to get laughs out of his friends. His enemies don't stay alive for very long.
- Dark and Troubled Past: Yes.
- Death Seeker: His sole motivation is finding a good fight to die in.
- Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Guess why he's called "Deicide"?
- Dimensional Traveler: Has been jumping from universe to universe for countless years, mostly just looking for new adventures.
- Divine Parentage: A legend in his family line (mother's side) is that they are descended from Shinto gods. It's never confirmed, and there are other explanations for his powers.
- Dude Looks Like a Lady: Has androgynous features at best, downright feminine ones at most. The two main things that give him away as a guy is his height (slightly taller than most girls) and his voice.
- Eyes Always Shut: Gives him a relaxed look, and most of the time he is indeed half-asleep. When they're open, it means bad things are going to happen.
- Fatal Flaw: Sloth. His apathy is the root of all his other negative traits. He kills without empathy because he doesn't care about the enemy. He doesn't make the effort to try and fix himself because he doesn't care about himself. He deeply treasures those he cares about, but that's all he cares about.
- Flash Step: His main method of combat, and has its uses in mundane life as well.
- Fragile Speedster: Taken Up To Eleven. He can hit hard enough to shatter buildings. But one good hit and he's toast.
- The Gadfly: Mostly done for his own and others' amusement. Even if it knows it's going to lead to physical pain.
- Glowing Eyes of Doom: They shine a bright silver when he fully opens them, looking like spotlights behind the visor of his helmet. One of the reasons why his eyes are always mostly-shut is because it would freak people out otherwise.
- Gorn: Doesn't try to create it, but his utter carelessness in the creating and disposing of corpses means he leaves behind some unpleasant scenes.
- Grey-and-Grey Morality: Believes right and wrong is what the individual person decides to be so. Following orders is something he does not do because he has to, but because he likes and respects the people doing it.
- Heroic Self-Deprecation: The "heroic" part is debatable, but he certainly doesn't like himself very much. It's telling that he only cares about others and not himself.
- Humanoid Abomination: Is missing some very important things, such as empathy, the ability to become stressed, and a will to actually do anything on his own. That combined with his extreme power makes him this.
- Immortal Immaturity: Is older than many planets he's been on by several thousands of years. Acts like a narcoleptic goofball.
- Implacable Man: Once he's set on something, not even hell will stop him.
- Instant Armor: Also pops out of his bag (see Cool Helmet above). Form fitting and made of a plastic-like material rather then metal.
- Invincible Hero: Zig-Zagged. He never loses a fair fight, and indeed wins most unfair ones as well. But he is sent to the hospital bed on numerous occasions. He's also handicapped several times throughout the story, although he usually pulls through anyway.
- Ludicrous Gibs: What usually remains of his less-sturdier victims.
- Mundane Utility: His absurd speed and powers of observation have come in handy many, many times in regular, civilian life. Like, say, making sure a drink doesn't spill on your lap, or being able to determine exactly what someone is writing by observing the movement of their pens.
- My Greatest Failure: He wishes he died with his sister and mother, and the fact that he didn't is his greatest source of shame.
- Never Hurt an Innocent: Will go out of his way to not hurt or kill innocent people. Killing people who don't deserve to be killed isn't fun, after all.
- Oblivious to Love: Zig-Zagged.
- On one hand, he's as perceptive as you would expect towards other people's romantic affairs, able to weasel out a character's attraction to another even if the attractee themselves aren't aware of it.
- On the other, he's appallingly thick headed towards his own affairs, he can't see his love interest's attraction even when it's smacking him across the face, and when he falls in love himself he panics, thinking he's been poisoned.
- One-Man Army: Even though his specialty is one-on-one, that doesn't stop him from just tearing through an individual in a nanosecond before moving on to the next one.
- Photographic Memory: Subverted. His memory isn't actually photographic. Instead, he simply flawlessly memorizes every single detail of what he's trying to memorize, then stores it away until it becomes relevant again.
- Protectorate: His friends, his family, and his team. However, he won't jump in if they can handle themselves.
- Punched Across the Room: What can happen to those he punches. Well, one of the possible outcomes. See Ludicrous Gibs above.
- Sleepyhead: Always seems to be on the verge of falling asleep, and indeed likes to take naps at the strangest times. But not only is he a very light sleeper, but he can record and play back conversations from memory alone even if said conversations happened while he was asleep.
- Stepford Smiler: Surprisingly subverted. His smiles are as genuine as they get, and he is a warm-hearted guy if you get on his good side. But he's still a fundamentally broken guy.
- Tranquil Fury: When he gets truly angry, he shuts up entirely, becoming eerily silent. There's no point in running.
- Transhuman: Is what he technically is. However, the sheer destructive potential of his power and what he had to lose to gain it place him closer to another category.
- Undying Loyalty: A defining characteristic. Once you earn his trust, you can ask him to tear up an entire nation and he'll do it with very little question.
- Unscrupulous Hero: Sees nothing wrong with the mass slaughter of enemy soldiers. The concept of "surrender" doesn't seem to be in his dictionary, and will just tell foes to pick up their weapons and keep fighting if they want a chance at life.
- Verbal Tic: Has a tendency to only use the last syllable of the first word in a sentence (e.g. "'n fact" instead of "In fact".)
Raison D'Etre: Contrasting all the shiny super-heroes and moralists, Recon is what I imagine someone with superpowers to be like in real-life: a barely-human killing machine.
Unable to make decisions for himself, he's basically a sentient weapon. However, I want to also reconstruct the idea that a broken man can be fixed, and the entire story is mainly based around sticking the bits and pieces of his humanity back together, sometimes by force if necessary.
edited 16th Nov '15 2:12:55 PM by gameknight102xx
I actually stole the Drive names from the discipline names of Tome Of Battle
and it's homebrew supplements
after somebody snarked that they sounded like lame 90s superheroes. I just grabbed that idea and ran with it.
As for you character... wow. It seems like he's in a Darker and Edgier Deconstruction of the Team Fortress mythos. He is pretty fascinating as a character, though I have some concerns about his powers. Is everybody in the story that overpowered?
edited 24th Oct '15 10:17:28 AM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the TurbinesSorry to double post, but this is my main female protagonist. Please, though, criticize her BEFORE and AFTER The Reveal.
- Name: Elise Delgado/ The Progenitor GEAR
- Appearance: Here.
◊ On the left is FallingStar, and on the right is Elise. Not pictured: RadioactiveImpact.
- Age: 15-16ish. Technically three weeks old at the start of the story.
- Personality: A shy, bookish girl with a perfectionist streak. She was and still is an easy target for bullies due to her lack of friends and her hailing from an old-money family, which gave them a lot of ammunition to use against her. This was stopped for a bit after David punched one of the bullies bothering her across the hallway and mouthed off against the local Queen Bee, although they still mock her when he isn’t there. However, she’s also considered the smartest and one of the strongest members of the team, and for a good reason; she was the first one to activate her GEAR. She also takes the role of Mr. Exposition , explaining what exactly is happening.
- Her true personality, however, comes from the Progenitor Gear, which initially was only focused on revenge above everything else. She did warm up eventually, becoming more like the "real" Elise.
- Abilities: Despite her rather petite appearance, Elise somehow possesses Super-Strength, Super Toughness, and masterful combat skills, as well as the book smarts necessary to go to Excalibur in the first place. Her strength is pretty much because of her being a body double constructed by the Progenitor Gear. As usual for the protagonists of this series, however, her main strength lies in her GEAR, which allows her to access various exosuits, called Drives. Unusually though, she summons her GEAR from thin air like Kuuga, rather than attaching it like a normal Kamen Rider belt buckle. The Drives that she owns are detailed below.
- The FallingStar Drive grants her far greater perceptive abilities (including her being able to see through walls), and allows her to peform ridiculous trick shots using the RadGunner.
- The RadioactiveImpact Drive grants her even stronger Super-Strength and endurance, as well as giving her Super-Speed. It also gives her the ability to shoot humongously powerful laser beams that irradiates every surface that it comes in contact with. She can also simply collect this energy and then discharge it as an explosion with a yield equal to several Tsar Bombas.
- Weaknesses: Elise is painfully shy, and would rather want that others speak for her. She's also perfectionist to a fault, and stops only when she thinks it's perfect. As the Progenitor GEAR, however, she's initially completely obsessed with revenge, which could hinder some of her plans..
- FallingStar can dish it, but it cannot take it. One good blow is enough to inflict an Armor Break on her.
- RadioactiveImpact locks Elise into a beserker state, unable to distinguish friend from enemies. While this initially wouldn't bother her in the slightest, after befriending David and co, she ends up being reluctant to use it. In addition, using the energy burst option means that she has to charge up for several minutes, and she's vulnerable in that timespan.
- Goals: Initially REVENGE! Although the reasons therefore are very different. Later on, stop the COG attacks in Kingswood.
- Motivation: Who's Laughing Now? and revenge for its lost "family". Later on, Because You Were Nice to Me
- Role in the story: The Smart Guy.
- Backstory: Elise was the second daughter of a family that struck gold (literally) in the 19th Century. Although she wasn’t exactly pampered with riches, she did enjoy the more money available to fund in her hobbies. However, she didn’t have any friends due to her shyness and in fact suffered from extreme bullying. As a result, she became even more withdrawn, reducing the chance for her to get friends and making her an even bigger target. In the end, it was seemingly enough to kill herself mere weeks before her entry to Excalibur, as she disappeared for several days. However, she showed up at her own funeral, and eventually went to Excalibur as if nothing happened.
- In actuality, she did kill herself by drowning herself. However, her dead body washed up at the shore with the Progenitor GEAR close to her. Copying Elise's body and some of her memories, she assumed her form as a vessel for revenge.
- Relevant tropes:
- Adorkable: Yes, the Progenitor GEAR is this.
- Artificial Human: She's less a human using a GEAR and more a GEAR using a human body.
- Attending Your Own Funeral: It's a Running Gag of a Noodle Incident . Except that the real Elise DID kill herself. The Progenitor GEAR simply created a perfect copy of her to act as its vessel, using parts and bits of her memory to fool others.
- Badass Adorable
- Because You Were Nice to Me: Her main reason for joining the True Companions. Also the reason for why she didn't use RadioactiveImpact immediately.
- Becoming the Mask / Humanity Is Infectious / In Love with the Mark : The Progenitor GEAR merely intended to use the body to absolutely destroy humanity for what's it has did to its brethren. It didn't expect to befriend one of its targets and fall in love with him.
- Foreshadowing: Aside from the things mentioned above, she loathes ARCLE INC. Why is that? Well, being a sentient belt and seeing your sentient belt buddies vivisected because some scientist wants to become God doesn't leave a good impression
- Hidden Depths: Who've thought that the Shrinking Violet was the one who gained her GEAR first?
- Even better, who suspected the docile teen of being an avtar of a GEAR?
- Iron Butt-Monkey / Slapstick Knows no Gender: She's at the receiving end of most of the physical humor. She's mostly okay after a few panels, though, because she's pretty much a projection of her GEAR.
- MacGuffin Girl
- Multiform Balance: Master of None(Base Augments (Driveless)), Glass Cannon (FallingStar Drive), Super Mode (RadioactiveImpact Drive).
- Mysterious Waif
- Non-Standard Character Design: Not Elise herself, but her GEAR; it's far smoother than the blocky hexagon designs that the other GEARs have.
- Shrinking Violet: Holy cow, is she ever. The real Elise was even worse in this respect.
- Weapon Of Choice:
- Cool Gun: The RadGunner. Default weapon shared over all her forms.
- Frickin' Laser Beams: The BurstGauntlets have pretty much the same effect as a miniature Death Star ray.
- Who's Laughing Now?: Her motive for her very short stint as a villain. It's actually far more complicated than that.
edited 24th Oct '15 1:00:02 PM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
Interesting girl, she remind me to Pardon, the Big Good of my story. She gonna be a truly shocking character. All you story sound good Actually. I al interesed in How the GEAR work.
I think I see the correlation between her shyness, and how easily her armor is shattered. Also ironic, seeing her normal self as good in a few panels.
And her other...self is certainly unique, links to her other self quite nicely. I also easily tell that you don't want to mess with her.
Anyway, since I've already disclosed my love for speedsters, here's mine, revised here and there.
• Setting: United States, 2004.
• Name: Zachary Jackson, AKA Mach.
• Age: 13
• Gender: Male
• Birthday: August 24.
• Appearance: Zak has an average height and build for someone his age, with blond hair and black eyes. He wears a long-sleeve T-shirt, colored red and blue, and wrapped around his left upper arm is a dark grey bandana with an archaic-looking symbol on it. The rest of his outfit is a pair of jeans, and a pair of grey tennis shoes with red highlights.
His Mach outfit is made from a red, white and blue bobsledding uniform (patriotism was not the purpose, btw). On his feet he wears dull-colored, leather boots, and his head is covered with a helmet resembling Judge Dredd.
• Personality: Most of the time, Zak is a sweet, shy and modest individual, sometimes lacking confidence. He usually tries his best to be sensitive to other people, even though he falls short somewhat frequently. That said, he can tease other people if he feels like it, especially as Mach. However, he is noticeably high-strung, and an abysmal liar. Finally, he suffers from a significant case of claustrophobia.
• Isaac Jackson: Zak's father. His mother died when he was two, leaving Isaac to raise him alone. Unfortunately, lately, his priority has started to shift ever so slightly from his son to his career — a 6 AM shift as a security engineer — and finding a new woman to date.
• Kathryn Hales: A friend that Zak's known since he was seven, though they haven't had any contact for four years, due to a sudden move; one that she seems hesitant to talk about today. A crush on her develops as school restarts.
• Kyle Adams: A friend of Zak's whom he's only known for a year or so. The helmet used in Zak's Mach outfit was formerly a gift to Kyle from an elderly friend. During the patrol, he acts a little bit like the Alfred to Mach, communicating via the helmet, alerting him to any major crimes that appears live on TV. His hobbies include Engineering and torturing Zak about Kathryn.
• Abilities: This kid is fast. His maximum speed is roughly 400 miles per hour which, roughly back in 2004, was just short of a .38 bullet. Of course, this comes with its fair share of disadvantages; uneven/bumpy surfaces and well-waxed floors, among other things. His more mundane gifts would be his talent with geometry.
• History: It had been a few days since summer ended, and Zak is accompanying Kathryn on the walk home after school. After a short while, Kathryn notices that they've had a total stranger following them for some time. Kathryn, unaware of Zak's claustrophobia, turns into a narrow alley to try to lose him. She escapes unscathed, but Zak is hit unconscious, already starting to panic from the tight spaces.
He comes to in the current hideout of gang lord, Erik Iceland. He has ordered that a citizen be picked up and used as test subject for an illegal chemical experiment. Just as the first phase of the procedure is underway, a figure in red disrupts the experiment, disconnecting Zak from the machinery and getting him out. The figure in red is gunned down once they reach the exit, but in his last moments, he takes off the bandana around his face and puts it in Zak's hand. After that, Zak collapses from both the stress and the pain inflicted by the experiment.
A week or so after his hospital discharge, his super speed is discovered. After discussing it with Kyle, they conclude it as a result of the experiments. The subject of using it to help people is raised, but Zak is intimidated by the idea. A few more days pass, and his mind is changed by the mysterious murder of a nine-year-old committed by the very same thug that abducted him in the first place. In addition to creating his Mach persona, he's also started wearing the bandana around his arm whenever he's in his civilian identity to pay respects to his savior.
Role In The Story: The hero. Duh.
• Goal: He wants to give his power a reason to exist, as well as to keep people safe. And if possible, find out what the symbol on the bandana means.
• Theme Song (purely for the fun of it): Move Along
• Relevant Tropes:
Dumb Blonde: Played with. He's very good at geometry, but in science it's a different story.
Fragile Speedster: He is only 13.
Bad Liar: Kyle has said that his lying leaves...pretty much everything to be desired. Hence why Kyle covers for him whenever Mach is involved.
A Birthday, Not a Break: Downplayed. It wasn't quite his birthday. note
How Do I Shot Web?: His first instance of using his powers, though he was unaware of it at first, ended up with him...taking out a window at his school.
I apologize in advance for the different formatting. I copied it directly from Google Docs.
edited 24th Oct '15 7:58:06 PM by TroPartner
He sounds like a pretty typical super-hero but I like seeing someone with super-speed that is more shy instead of excitable like it is usually. I have to wonder what caused his claustrophobia though.
This here now is a character from a project I'm working on, so it's still largely in development.
- Name: Kenshin Saito/Murayama
- Appearance: Kenshin is a Japanese boy with pale skin, short black hair and dark blue eyes. He's typically dressed in a dark blue kimono which he removes some layers from when getting in combat, and carries his sheated sword strapped to his back. He's very muscular and athletic and his height is of about 5'7/1.7m
- Age: 17
- Personality: Kenshin is thoughtful and creative, always trying to think of new things to do and in battle he tries to think of outside-of-the-box tactics in order to win. He's sociable or at least tries to be, as he often finds himself lost in thought which sometimes makes him hard to talk to. He's a bit of a spontaneuous person, often doing and saying things as they come into mind which often leaves himself embarrassed and others around him, confused; other times, he spaces out and it can take some effort to make him notice things. He's a free spirit that does not lack in curiosity and he's always trying to solve any mysteries or investigating rumors that he hears about. He has a kind heart, willing to provide most people with help as long as he has the time to do so and he generally treats those close to him with respect and love.
- Ability: Kenshin is very talented at swordsmanship, having been trained in it ever since he was a child. He excels at close quarters combat even without his sword. He also has very sharp reflexes and as such reacts very quickly to things going on next to him as soon as he notices it.
- Void Absorption: His unique power, is the power of negate magic. Kenshin's body is completely immune to the effects of any magic, including those made with the intent of healing. This is mainly a passive ability, but it also takes its tool on his body upon repeated use, as such, opponents that depend mainly on magical attacks can still attack him and eventually make this innate barrier overload and leave him vulnerable. He can also make invisible barriers to better protect his allies, however these barriers have the issue of also being able to negate his allies's own powers.
- Energy Drain: A very vampiresque ability, Kenshin is capable of draining the energy of those he makes physical contact with. If taken too far, it can become crippling and even kill somebody, but it usually is only used as a mean of regaining some lost energy, especially when his opponents aren't exactly going to let him drain their energy without a struggle.
- Energy Break: A technique that Kenshin can only use if he has energy to spare from absorbing it from others, he releases the excess of energy in the form of a strong shockwave that temporarily disable all magical powers from the those hit by it. The more energy he had, the longer they'll be disabled.
- Weaknesses
- Kenshin's sword is very heavy so even with his strength, his movement is a little hampered by it making him not very agile.
- He lacks any sort of ranged attack outside of Energy Break, meaning he often has to brute force his way past attacks in order to get to his opponent if they feel like fighting from a distance, which most will do.
- He's not very durable meaning that once you get past his natural defense he won't be able to take out too much punishment.
- His tendency to space out means that he can leave himself open to sneak attacks in spite of his good reflexes.
- Goals: His main goal is to clear the task that was given to him by his ancestor and also help preserve peace in the land. He also wants to explore Makai and discover new things and see any new sceneries he hasn't seen yet.
- Motivation: He wants to be able to enjoy a peaceful life with those he loves and also to make sure he has done the best with his life and seen everything he feels he has to. Although he misses his blood parents, he has grown attached enough to his adoptive father that he's fine enough with staying in Makai.
- Role in the Story: The main character of the story
- Backstory: When he was little, Kenshin ran away from home in order to explore the forest of Aokigahara in Japan, having heard rumors of ghosts inhabiting the forest and getting curious about it. He managed to sneak his way in there and during his investigation he found the spirit of a monk, who lured him into a portal that led to the land of Makai, a land comprised mainly of Yōkai. Following his arrival at the new world he lost the sight of the spirit and also of the portal and was soon attacked by one of the many monsters in that world. Thankfully, he's saved by Saboru Murayama, an Oni that himself had been lured into that area by the spirit. Surprised to see a live human in Makai, Saboru brought Kenshin to his homeland, the city of Akasha and had a meeting with the Devas (the leaders of the Oni), Noboru and Junko.
Kenshin then learned from the Devas that the five Onmyõji that separated the Youkai from the Humans warned that one day their descendants would be brought to their world in order to prepare for a looming threat that would put both worlds in danger. Kenshin was then gifted with the power of the Seal of Void which contained the power of his ancestor and was one of five seals entrusted to the five great races of Makai that kept the gate separating both worlds closed and also helped shape their world; Saboru then took it upon himself to train the boy to be both a human and an Oni warrior.
Relevant Tropes:
- Bad Liar: Being raised by an Oni, a race known for never lying and even going as far as considering lying a taboo, Kenshin was very strictly raised to never lie and so any attempt of him trying to do so would result in this.
- Brutal Honesty: A consequence of being raised to never tell a lie.
- Cloudcuckoolander: Has his moments like this when he begins acting spontaneously, much to his embarrassment and other's amusement/confusion.
- Culture Clash: Happens, of course, but he adapts to it pretty quickly.
- Interspecies Adoption: Was adopted by an Oni, thankfully they look much like a human, except much taller, with sharper teeth and with horns, making it less jarring for him to be raised by them.
- Happily Adopted: Past the initial shock, Kenshin grew very fond of his adoptive father and vice-versa, with the two (plus their pet Bakeneko, Eiko) being a very stable family.
- Heroes Prefer Swords: His weapon is a miniature version of Saboru's.
- BFS: For a human it's a very big sword, but it still pales in comparison to the ones the Oni normally wield.
- Mighty Glacier: His fighting style is basically to be an advancing wall of pain closing in on the enemy
- Nice Guy: He bears no ill will towards anyone who doesn't deserve it in some way, mostly being a bright, kind and polite individual.
- The Napoleon: Subverted in the sense that Kenshin is of a very average size for a human, however, all the Oni are absolutely gigantic, with his adoptive father, Saboru, reaching 10'4/3.20m. This size difference ended up giving him a bit of a height complex.
- Nature Lover: He loves looking at the wilderness and taking walks through parks
- Outside-the-Box Tactic: Always tries to come up with these.
- The Power of the Void: His element.
- Anti-Magic: Essentially what his Void element boils down to
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: He falls short of being an actual Oni but he definitely plays the Blue Oni to Eiko's Red
- Vitriolic Best Buds: He and Eiko often get in all kinds of arguments but still very much love each other.
The reason behind that is very mundane and actually a little embarrassing. He watched the original Star Wars trilogy when he was six. Out of everything, the trash compactor scene scarred him the most.
![]()
Personality- and ability-wise he seems good-great, even! How old was Kenshin when he was adopted by Saburo? Also, why is he still classified as a Mighty Glacier even though he's frail?
- Name: Jin "Khan" Soo Lungh
- Appearance: Here.
◊ On the left is ArmyOfOne, and on the right is Khan.
- Age: 15-16ish.
- Personality: Khan's pretty much your typical used car seller, if you disregard the fact that he's still in high school. Manipulative, slimy, and rude, Khan does have a hidden soft side... although he rarely shows it.
- Abilities: Khan knows a lot of people, and are on mostly good terms with them. He can get everything a man would need... for a price, of course. He is also an incredible manipulator, capable of sweettalking others to do their dirty work for him. His greatest ability for combat is, however, his GEAR, which allows him to access various exosuits, called Drives. The lone drive that he owns is detailed below.
- The ArmyOfOne Drive grants him slight improvements to physical strength and stamina. It also can split itself up to up to 13 different copies of itself.
- Weaknesses: Khan is a total pushover in combat without a GEAR, and even with a GEAR, he isn't THAT well of a fighter, Beside that, Khan's just an unpleasant person to be around, which may cause problems if he's caught manipulating somebody.
- Individual ArmyOfOne units are practically Red Shirts compared to other Drives, requiring massed attacks to be effective at all.
- Goals: Stop the COG attacks in Kingswood... and somehow profit from it, too.
- Motivation: Because else he's going to be sent to juvie for the shenanigans pulled whilst testing his GEAR.
- Role in the story: The Big Guy. Sort of.
- Backstory: Scamming people kind of runs in Khans' blood; his dad is a internet pisher, his grandad was a classic conman, and so on. Hell, he even may have an ancestor who fooled some gullible tribe that he was a god. Sensing an opportunity to lighten up the pockets of gullible rich teenagers, he managed to get transferred to Excalibur by pulling in a LOT of favors, despite his rock-bottom grades.
- Relevant tropes:
- Butt-Monkey: And usually well deserved, too. It should be noted that most of it is mental or otherwise harmless, though.
- Defeat Means Friendship: ''Barely.''
- Expy: Of Hideyasu Jonouchi. Both are Jerkasses who rely on their skill in manipulation to compensate for their physical weakness.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: Yup.
- Jerkass
- Multiform Balance: Subverted. Army of One is only barely better than his Driveless state statwise, but can multiply up to 13 times.
- Red Shirt Army: Khan in ArmyOfOne Drive is an one-man example.Yes, really.
- Hell, Khan complained that it looks too much as a mook in its first appearance.
- Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: Most of our protagonists got in Excalibur by legitimate means. Khan, however? Well, he knew a guy who knew a guy...
- Small Name, Big Ego: He nicknamed himself Khan. Note that Khan means "one of the supreme rulers of the Turkish, Tartar, and Mongol peoples and emperors of China in the Middle Ages." Khan... isn't even close to being that.
- Smug Snake
- Token Evil Teammate
- Wrong Genre Savvy: He thinks that he's in an dark Toku deconstruction like Faiz or Gaim, and that David would be broken horribly. Not. Even. Close.
edited 25th Oct '15 11:00:09 AM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
The Big Guy is really appropriate? He seems more like The Chick for me. Of course, I don't know the other characters. He has a great potential to be annoying, so be careful.
Well, let's do this. She's a Anti-Heroine Class V, so she may sound like an villain.
Oh, one more thing, this is a story that I'm working with Meet the New Boss, two hands style. This is character that I created.
Name: Yuki Kamiya, The White Viper, "Japanese Thirsty Bitch".
Appearance: Yuki is a japanese girl with messy, short blue hair.
She wears a white hood, with a white minidress underneath.
She carries on her back four two-edge swords, with a quadratic hole in the center for her to hold on them.
Age: 19.
Personality: Yuki is someone with a big ego. She believes that if she wants something, she must have it, as she deserves it.
She divides the people between two groups: "weak" and "strong". If you're "weak", she will hate you for it, and wait for the first opportunity to kill you, and it will be very hard to make her hide her happiness at your death.
If you're "strong", she will love you for it, and try to be your friend. She will even try to "endure" the "weak" people this person cares about.
Abilities: Yuki is very big and very strong, and her punches could easily kill a normal person. Without mentioning that she could throw a person five times her size, but with difficulty.
Though she could use her fists, Yuki prefers her double edge swords. Depending in how much she thinks the enemy is strong, she will pull out one of the four, and combine two blades in a shuriken-like projectile.
Her tatoo on her right ankle allows her to use White Viper. That liberates a transformation where her entire skin turns white, growing scales and transforming her clothes em scales. These scales detach themselves from her skin, floating along her, where she now can use them as small floating blades.
As a last card on the sleeve, she can call the scales back so she can use ninjutsu to create a giant white snake of mana, with a high penetrative power.
Weaknesses: Yuki is always trying to protect herself from all sides that she oftens forget the front. The most obvious way of killing her is a straight strike to the heart at short distance. However, the strategy seems so suicidal that most opponents dismiss exploting entirely.
Also, using the giant white snake leaves her tired after it.
Goals: Her wish for Cain is simple: "I want...everything". Cain says it's too vague, and asks for something more "specific". Then she says it simply "if mind is focused on obtanining it, I must obtain".
Motivation: Yuki is motivated by her desire to prove to herself and to others that she's the best thing that existed, exists, and will exist. And by hate, lots and lot of hate, toward the people she deems "weak".
Role In The Story: She's the Big Guy of Team Ninja. She's also THE Token Evil Teammate, for all of the group. Even Merchant, the second most bad person between the heroes, despises Cain for his actions. She finds it "darkly amusing".
She is also the one who fights Cain in the end.
Backstory: Yuki was raised by her uncles, after her mother abandoned her after she was born. They always gave what she wanted.
Yuki know her father, though. However, he couldn't raise her, or pratically take care of himself. He was horribly burn in a fire working in a hospital when Yuki's mother was pregnant of 4 months. His face was disfigured and his burns were so severe he couldn't walk anymore. Reduced to a husk unable to talk or see, he could only touch her with his left hand or communicate with her through writing.
When she was old enough to talk and write, Yuki asked her aunt why her father didn't commit suicide. Her aunt slapped her, saying that was no thing to ask a person.
When she mananged to get alone with her father, however, Yuki asked the question. Her father answered with a note saying "Because I'm strong". Yuki asked "what is strong". Her father said it was the determination toalways try to live on, even if everything is taken away from you. Yuki asked then "and the weak people?". Her father simply wrote "they're worthless".
She asked if she was strong or weak. Her father answered, "You're strong Yuki. You are strong because you were born. No, not because you were born. But you resisted. And that's why you are strong. But you must use that strength. A strong person that acts weak is even worse than the weak people".
Yuki took it at heart, and trained her body and mind to be strong.
When she was 15, Yuki was attacked a thug on the street. Though she was going to take care of him easily, Minato, a 11-year boy she never saw before, stepped in and beated him up. And, even more suspicoously, Minato invited her to join his ninja clan.
Minato's grandfather, Gen, wasn't even a little happy, knowing Minato had a childlish crush on the teenager, but tested Yuki to be an ninja.
To his surprise, he was fast and agile despize her size.
To the opposition of his sons and nephew, he gave Yuki the White Viper robe, tatoo and weapons, that belonged to Minato's late mother.
Years, later, the leader of all Ninja Guilds of Japan, Hiro Sarutobi, thought that underground power wasn't enough, and seeked complete and absolute power over Japan. He said there was only two options for the other ninja clans: one, to join. Two, to stay out of the way. Gen not only refused to stay out of the way as formed an counter-force.
The war escalated to such a point that United States and China tried to intervene in Japan, what made Hiro try a desesperate card:unseal Orochi, so he could make an blood pact with him to gain immense power. Orochi not only refused as blasted Hiro away, and began to use the Yata no Kagami that Hiro stole to bring Izanami to the Mortal World.
Gen and his clan tried to stop the beast, but they failed.
As Yuki was dying, time froze, and Cain appeared.
He asked what was her wish. After the above mentioned discussion about the nature of the wish, Cain laughed, and said he liked her, and that she was something rare.
And that he liked her boobs.
Yuki laughed back and said that, if Cain had the courage to do a commentary like that so openly, he should be "strong", and gladly accepted her servitude.
When she joined the others that made a deal with Cain, she immediately took a liking for Mercenary once he mentioned he was "immortal". Despite having to deal with the A Us version of his teammates, she already decided that once she gets her wish, the second thing after "immortality" would be him.
Relevant Tropes:
The Big Guy/ The Brute : Very strong physically, and her swords are very wide.
Bloodlust: Really likes to see blood spilled.
Establishing Character Moment: After the first fight the group have, she sinks one of her her swords in the body of one of the monsters they defeated and drinks the blood that cames on the blade. Every mature person on the vicinity recognizes she is "problem".
Obliviously Evil:Played with. She doesn't believe she is evil, but she knows her actions may make people think she is evil, so she tries to hide her true nature. Her Bloodlust prevents her from being too stealthy, though.
Yandere: Subverted,downplayed and maybe even Played for Laughs. She refuses to kill Yuzu, that she presumes that's Mercenary's Love Interest, because she's blind and couldn't see her "beautiful" smile in the moment of her death. Yuzu gets a good laugh out of that.
edited 25th Oct '15 11:46:43 AM by JusticEqualsVengeance
What is anime? Anime is...only a weeaboo way of saying animation, really.

Master is a very common word. How often that would happen? It don't would be better if there was an context for it?
Out of that, it's ok.
Well, let me try this again.
Warning: The content to follow is corny. Extremely corny. The backstory for this character involves an alternate history where Trotsky wins over Stalin, and things go wrong, extremely wrong, when he decides to fight Hitler earlier. Also, religious artifacts used as weapons. Any similarity to fighting games is fully intended.
Name: ATL-1000, Alexander, "Communist Scum".
Age:3. Though, if we count the human that gave birth to it, 32.
Personality: Alexander is a very energetic boy, always talking about how everything is his native world is better than ever and can only get better. He tries to be good to the children and young people, and always says they can be better than what they are now.
As a soldier, however, he is ruthless. He must reduce the enemy to dust.
He only reluctantly fights along those who oppose him ideologically, only to defeat the "greater evil". But he is just waiting to obliterate them to dust once the battle is finished and he gets permission from the commander.
If in face of a hopeless situation, his personality however, is supressed, and he only cares about saving all the humans nearby. A measure implemented in him for the case of a nuclear holocaust.
Abilities: An armored cyborg, Alexander is near indestructible, as he was constructed to resist nuclear blasts. He can also use his internal battery to create eletric energy projectiles. And, of course, he have superhuman strength from his giant arms and legs. Even his head is a dangerous weapon.
Weaknesses: Alexander isn't the fastest around, making him innefective against fast enemies. His electric blasts are also telegraphed. One of the reasons Sati Esteves is his lieutenant is to cover for his slow speed.
Goals: For every man to get the amount of happiness they deserve. That is the utmost desire contained at the bottom of his soul.
Motivation: Alexander was a criminal that seeked redemption by giving his body for science. After being injected with communist ideology directly in his brain and put inside a biomechanical structure designed to turn him into a supersoldier, his brain turned political bravado in truth: Alexander lives the ideal of human equality and search for happiness. But it's hard to see it behind the(glorious) Large Ham and Glorious Mother Russia.
Role in the story: He's the leader for the heroes of the "GLORIOUS SOVIET ALLIANCE OF THE EAST!"(in his own words). He is also the Comic Relief, as the other members of his group aren't even one quarter of the Large Ham he is. He also plays The Rival for Merchant, that can't help but laugh at his rants about how capitalism is evil and free market is slavery.
Backstory: In the year 1944, Trotsky entered Mecca after invading the Middle East. He ordered his scientists to examine the Black Stone and prove to the whole world that was "just a meteorite". However, the Black Stone proved it to be more than a simple stone: it was a giant battery full of eletricity. And when they tried to discharge it, it never went out. There was a neverending supply of eletricity inside it.
Trotsky rapidly ordered a replica to be made and said it was an meteorite anyway, while ordering the Soviet Army to find a militar use for it.
After 50 years, the cientists reached an conclusion: a supersoldier, that would not only be near indestructible, but also fiercely loyal to the USSR's ideals.
After 2 years, using a murderer as test subject, they created the apex of soviet science: ATL(Alexander Trotsky Lenin)-1000, the perfect Soviet soldier, encased inside a solution of the liquefied stone by an extremely resistant metallic league.
Three years were spent in testing, to prove that not only would be an unstoppable juggernaut of destruction as a symbol of socialism as the ultimate good. A Messiah without god, created by human hands.
However, when the tests were finished, it proved to have a little flaw: it was slow. However, there was no more time for corrections. Through World Communications(that world's equivalent of the Internet), Elizabeth II spilled the information that the USAWE(United States of America and Western Europe) was constructing a superweapon named Weltuntergangs-Juggernaut(Doomsday Juggernaut) in Alaska, and decided the first target for its country-terminator nuclear arsenal launcher before it was used on The Soviet Alliance of The East was the Empire of Japan, one of USAWE's own allies.
For honor, for justice, for adventure, for family, or for the nation, like ATL-1000, several warriors traveled to Alaska in the 12th month of year 1999, to either stop the weapon or stop the ones that seek to stop the weapon. Alexander was assigned to an unit formed by other country members of the SVE, a economic and militar alliance formed by USSR,China, and countries of Asia that reluctantly accepted an Alliance with Russia when put between fascism and communism.
Alexander reached the core of Weltuntergangs-Juggernaut, but the overwhelming power of its core(nothing less than the Holy Graal filled with plutonium put inside a child clone of Eva Braun) surpassed the power of the Black Stone, and he was defeated.
Was then that time froze, and Cain appeared.
Alexander made a deal with him, and was overjoyed by the idea of fighting evil through the multiverse. He was also overjoyed by finding the members of his unit,but was saddened when he discovered that they were alternate ones, from universes where were they that reached the core of the Juggernaut and were defeated.
Relevant Tropes:
Berserk Button: Being called "comunist scum" or "slave". He either enters in a rant or tries to immediately smash who dares to say it in his face, and often behind it.
Chummy Commies: In his backstory. He affirms to his lieutenant that he isn't fighting only against Juggernaut for his country. He also wants to protect Japan from destruction, "dirty worshippers of his false God Emperor they are".
Friend to All Children: In his own way.
Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: With his lieutenant. He is so huge and she so small that when she wants to talk with him face to face, he catches her with his hands so he can raise her to his face.
edited 17th Sep '15 6:22:41 PM by MeetTheNewBoss
You claim that God is opressing us, but I see you opressing others without needing a God.