The greatest quotes (on or offline) you've seen all day

Blueeyedrat YEEEEAH— no. from nowhere in particular. Since: Oct, 2010 Relationship Status: Mu

YEEEEAH— no.

#51: Apr 21st 2013 at 10:38:20 AM

I just discovered that Evan Dahm has a Tumblr. Even better, he also runs a blog about world-building:

Here is the secret: worldbuilding is just a convoluted sort of storytelling. There’s a tendency to look at it as actually literally building a world, but I think a more valuable approach is to look at it as developing a tool for storytelling. You aren’t making a static, detailed substrate to put stories on top of; you’re making a dynamic setting which is part of the story itself.

"I've come to the conclusion that this is a very stupid idea."

Catfish42 Bloody Fossil from world´s favourite country. Since: Dec, 2010 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world

Bloody Fossil

#52: Apr 30th 2013 at 12:32:10 PM

"In Georgia, in 1955, you could get thirty days on a chain gang for telephoning a fish." - Stephen Fry in the QI episode I'm watching.

A different shape every step I take A different mind every step of the line

Lemurian from Touhou fanboy attic Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring

#53: May 7th 2013 at 1:17:25 AM

"What women find attractive is a man who uses the entirety of his day whining over women, social democracy and society in the comment-sections of online newspapers."

Best snarky comment in a comment-section on an online newspaper I've seen in a long time.

Join us in our quest to play all RPG video games! Moving on to disc 2 of Grandia!

johnnyfog Actual Wrestling Legend from the Zocalo Since: Apr, 2010 Relationship Status: They can't hide forever. We've got satellites.

Actual Wrestling Legend

#54: May 7th 2013 at 6:54:50 PM

I saw two black kids coming out of school today. One of them put the other in a headlock, saying "You DO NOT DISRESPECT THE BMW. Say you're sorry." There was a beamer right next them, so I assume the little guy besmirched the car.

I'm a skeptical squirrel

betterthanstrawberry Dreaming out loud. from back in the atmosphere. Since: Sep, 2010

Dreaming out loud.

#55: May 18th 2013 at 3:30:26 PM

""With the stick in my right hand, the throttle in my left, and the rudder beneath my feet, I can savor that essence from which life is made." - Stephen Coonts.

Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science.

dontcallmewave Brony? Moi? surely you jest! from My home Since: Nov, 2013

Brony? Moi? surely you jest!

#56: May 26th 2013 at 9:16:20 AM

I used to think Hawkeye was lame, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

He who fights bronies should see to itthat he himself does not become a brony. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, Pinkie Pie gazes Also

0dd1 Just awesome like that from Nowhere Land Since: Sep, 2009

Just awesome like that

#57: May 26th 2013 at 3:34:53 PM

booooooooooooooooo

Insert witty and clever quip here. My page, as the database hates my handle.

Blueeyedrat YEEEEAH— no. from nowhere in particular. Since: Oct, 2010 Relationship Status: Mu

YEEEEAH— no.

#58: May 30th 2013 at 5:31:47 AM

Courtesy of JHM on the IJBM2 forum:

I fucking love the English language. It is a glorious cosmopolitan sprawl driven by raw linguistic debauchery and it is brilliant. Tracing etymologies and shifting denotations and connotations in English words is a pleasure unmatched by any more organised literary language by dint of the wonderfully scattershot nature of its borrowings. I defy you to find a living language more diverse, more lively, more alive than English.

Yes, learning it is a bitch, but once you do, you have only the world to discover.

"I've come to the conclusion that this is a very stupid idea."

ClipboardFox22 Bringing Back Asexy from Nev-a-da, not Ne-vah-da Since: Mar, 2013 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]

Bringing Back Asexy

#59: Jun 2nd 2013 at 10:44:41 PM

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. —Jimi Hendrix

Angry queer dude. Ze/zer, they/them, or xe/xyr/xem pronouns.

Malph All hail from The middle of somewhere Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: I want you to want me

All hail

#60: Jul 12th 2013 at 10:12:50 AM

From Cracked (where I find all of my posts for this thread):

I want historians to find the other halves of Ben Franklin's quotes:

"Remember that time is money, especially in the finest Parisian bordellos."

"I've lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing Proofs I see of this Truth — That God governs in the Affairs of Men, and that My Penis governs the Affairs of Your Wife. Every Tuesday."

"Let me add, that only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. And only invirtuous women are capable of throating all eight inches of Benjamin Jr without gagging."

"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes, and that fine bawdy harlot Constance Hampton proffering her wanton ass for only a mere flagon of ale every Friday night down at Friar's Tavern."

" I think the best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it - for how else will we keep the cathouses stocked with eager and willing strumpets?"

"Well done is better than well said: I'm not paying you to talk, girl."

So, in the U.S., randomly stripping is a signal that you want to sing the national anthem? - That Human

Steventheman Cmdr. of His Supremacy's Armed Forces from Wales Since: Feb, 2011

Cmdr. of His Supremacy's Armed Forces

#61: Jul 12th 2013 at 1:23:47 PM

"Is that because of your age, or because no one today remembers how to destroy a warlock?"

Seanbaby on the old people self help books.

FIMFiction Account MLPMST Page

NesClassic Inheritor of the Wing from Flyover Country Since: Dec, 2012 Relationship Status: In another castle

Inheritor of the Wing

#62: Nov 27th 2013 at 7:32:48 PM

I'm sorry to revive this thread after a few months, but it's easier than starting a new one. ^_^

I sometimes wonder how we would explain technology and how we use it to older generations. "We have machinery with the capability to solve hundreds of problems. We use it to watch porn, watch pictures of cats and insult random people."

From the comments on this article.

🏳️‍⚧️she/her | Vio Rhyse Alberia

Ozbourne Part-Time Omen of Death from if it fits, I sits (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady

Part-Time Omen of Death

#63: Nov 30th 2013 at 9:58:02 AM

"This plaid is our tree." -My mom, while decorating the shop for the holidays.

Stupid doomed timeline...

fancywig ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ from heckie Since: Apr, 2013 Relationship Status: It was only a kiss

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

#64: Nov 30th 2013 at 1:35:28 PM

"gunna have to call bullshit on this. by my calculations Spiders Georg would have to eat 58,405,479 and a half a day. about 41 thousand a second. obviously Spiders Georg is fucking insane." - Quixotic_Delights

In which someone debunks the famous "Spiders Georg" trend.

edited 30th Nov '13 1:35:42 PM by fancywig

GO AHEAD .... MR. JOEHSTUR .......

Kookje you spilled my diet soda from Parts Unknown Since: May, 2013

you spilled my diet soda

#65: Dec 8th 2013 at 10:46:10 PM

You're living. You occupy space and you have mass. You know what that means?

You matter.

Science and sappiness in one? Why the heck not.

edited 8th Dec '13 11:38:23 PM by Kookje

xxxxxxWelcome to paradise. Now go to hell.

FingerPuppet Since: Sep, 2012

#66: Dec 10th 2013 at 5:59:02 AM

It's a few years old and I'm just seeing it today, but Steve Albini had an interview with the fashion magazine GQ. The last question he was asked was how he would describe his fashion. His pretentious yet hilarious response:

I think fashion is repulsive. The whole idea that someone else can make clothing that is supposed to be in style and make other people look good is ridiculous. It sickens me to think that there is an industry that plays to the low self-esteem of the general public. I would like the fashion industry to collapse. I think it plays to the most superficial, most insecure parts of human nature. I hope GQ as a magazine fails. I hope that all of these people who make a living by looking pretty are eventually made destitute or forced to do something of substance. At least pornography has a function.

edited 10th Dec '13 5:59:37 AM by FingerPuppet

MrSparky from small town north of Detroit Since: Oct, 2013 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords

#67: Dec 11th 2013 at 9:36:16 AM

Posted by the poster above me:

[...]I'm some kind of sexual hipster[...]

"So what turns you on?" "Oh, it's pretty obscure. You probably haven't heard of it."

I like charts! They're useful and easy to read!

Xopher001 Since: Jul, 2012

#68: Dec 12th 2013 at 6:54:15 PM

"The last thing I want is to summon the ghost of my great Aunt while naked. And seriously, ladies, I'd rather have a vagina demon than let some dude exorcise me via fingerbang"

edited 12th Dec '13 6:57:53 PM by Xopher001

Xopher001 Since: Jul, 2012

#69: Dec 13th 2013 at 2:01:10 PM

Tonight's show brought to you by p***y Whip! The dessert topping for cats!

MrSparky from small town north of Detroit Since: Oct, 2013 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords

#70: Dec 24th 2013 at 7:50:22 AM

Body of an email sent to all members of the historical society to which I belong:

If anybody goes to the village and notices a bench is missing, It is because a boy scout has borrowed the bench, so he can use it to make plans to construct more benches for the village for his Eagle Badge.

now if they are ALL GONE, that is the time to call the police

I like charts! They're useful and easy to read!

PsychoFreaX Card-Carrying Villain >:D from Transcended Humanity Since: Jan, 2010

Card-Carrying Villain >:D

#71: Dec 29th 2013 at 8:26:41 PM

I never thought I'd be so sad to say I had friends.

Help?.. please...

eagleoftheninth In the name of being honest from the Street without Joy Since: May, 2013 Relationship Status: With my statistically significant other

In the name of being honest

#72: Jan 6th 2014 at 6:41:07 PM

Astronomers classify B0218+357 as a blazar — a type of active galaxy noted for its intense emissions and unpredictable behavior. At the blazar's heart is a supersized black hole with a mass millions to billions of times that of the sun. As matter spirals toward the black hole, some of it blasts outward as jets of particles traveling near the speed of light in opposite directions.

Source.

Echoing hymn of my fellow passerine | Art blog (under construction)

Sixthhokage1 Since: Feb, 2013

#73: Feb 15th 2014 at 9:50:12 PM

"In brightest day of raging red, beware lek nok as all light dies. when all seems MINE, NOT YOURS of light, love conquers all... and Wh ATEVER I SAY FOR THE WHITE LANTERN RING!"

My boyfriend, ladies and gents.

Blueeyedrat YEEEEAH— no. from nowhere in particular. Since: Oct, 2010 Relationship Status: Mu

YEEEEAH— no.

#74: Feb 22nd 2014 at 8:51:38 PM

From Out-of-Context DND, adventures in Min-Maxing:

So uh, your reflex is so low, you can get hit by still objects, but your fortitude is so high that if a venomous snake were to bite you, the snake would literally suffer for three days and die.

edited 22nd Feb '14 8:52:04 PM by Blueeyedrat

"I've come to the conclusion that this is a very stupid idea."

Odd1 Still just awesome like that from Nowhere Land Since: Sep, 2013 Relationship Status: And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson

Still just awesome like that

#75: Feb 28th 2014 at 4:07:00 AM

From Edit Banned^note:

Hello, I've been banned from editing and I would like editing privileges reinstated. I am aware of the reason that I was banned (it was due to a Chrome plugin that changes the word 'cloud' to 'butt' - I have since removed this plugin from my browser)

Insert witty 'n clever quip here.

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