I wonder why Sorin would want destroy the Kuzunoha clan. Also, I assume that he killed the fic version of Nanashi, right?
To answer your questions:
- For him to desire Kuzunoha clan's destruction, you can blame several reasons. The main one being exposed for too long to Aether (it's a long story). Loki is also to blame. On the orders of Krishna, Loki sow seed of distrust and hatred within Sorin to turn him against his clan. He was, after all, one of the strongest Devil Summoners in the clan.
- Yes. In this fic, he is responsible for Nanashi's death by sending Adramelech to kill him.
I've got someone, who I've wrote about a bit lately.
- Name: Lord Eclipse
- Age: Varies
- Personality: Lord Eclipse seems like a very odd, unusual individual, but with a definite singular obsession - he desires to create a social darwinist world where only those with powerful magic are allowed to live, while those who cannot use magic or spurn it are slain. He has utter, unmitigated hatred and cruelty for anyone deemed "weak" no matter who they are; the ill, the crippled, the mentally unwell, those who cannot or will not fight, and so on. Eclipse's odd mentality makes a deal more sense if one considers the major reveal about him; that he's actually a whole massive conspiracy of people, pretending to all be one guy, using a variety of masks and a singular mass produced Tin Tyrant outfit to achieve this. Notably, Eclipse Hates Everyone Equally as long as those people are weak - he has no patience for racists. Of the Eclipses, some hold to neo-aristocratic ideas, others believe in pure might determining what it is right, and others are utmost Manipulative Bastards using their power and position to advance the conspiracy's goals.
- Abilities: Most often, only a single person can have a singular Heraldic power derived from the Apocalypse Dragon, Parallaxus, but Eclipse due to his identity issue is the exception. He is singularly powerful, strong, tough and fast, and combines Make Them Rot with Fountain of Youth - he can either decay someone away in a blast or retrogress them to a state of protoplasm along with any permutations along the way. Each individual Lord Eclipse also has any magical abilities he has outside the identity.
- Weaknesses: The Khronos Heraldic Gem which gives him his powers is a weak point that can be targeted, and any weak points he has as a result of his individual magic types apply.
- Goals: A singular goal - establish a social darwinist dystopia.
- Motivation: He claims it was a task passed down unto him by his deity / dragon sponsor, Parallaxus. This is a lie. Eclipse chose this, every iota of it.
- Role in the story: Big Bad of a few stories, The Dragon of Book II until he calls it quits by way of missile through his boss' window.
- Backstory: Lord Eclipse is a storied, old entity, nobody knows the real story about why he's so long lived, just that he's got despicable goals, knows how to achieve them, and never seems to stay down.
- Relevant Tropes:
- Adult Fear: Jeremy, a mentally ill boy, finds himself taken hostage not just by a bunch of gang members, but by a malign social darwinist cult led by Eclipse. Jeremy barely has time to say anything before Eclipse forces him to recite lines into a recording, all while Eclipse gets way too close for comfort on him. Have I mentioned his parents are Forced to Watch all this on the tape start to finish if they ever want to see their son alive?
- In Book IV, he suddenly raids and takes hostages at a university party, and then broadcasts the torture and belittlement of his hostages. He then leaves them alive. Why? So they can spread the idea that nobody is safe, and their lives are dependent on his whim not their own willpower. Little wonder one of his "guests" commits suicide not a week after.
- Ambition Is Evil: A fully ambitious, cruel man willing to use anything and everything in his power to achieve his ambitions.
- Arc Words: "Strength by any cost."
- A Real Man Is a Killer: Lives by this logic - you become more "real" if you kill those who mean to kill you, struggle, and rise above it.
- Badass Boast: As vile as he is, at least one can say he's very, very good at these;
- "There are two types of people in this world; those who crush and those who are crushed. Allow me to sort you into one of those categories."
- "Let the purge of weakness begin, the rule of law decays into black and red, the splaying of weak flesh and the renewal of promise."
- "Others will make vain displays and promises. I make one statement. You will all die on these grounds."
- Bad Boss: Eclipse' "darwinian methods" mean working for him as a minion is hazardous to your mental and physical wellbeing. As far as he sees it, abuse and manipulation are just guiding you to the truth of life.
- Baddie Flattery: Across his various masks, he's got respect for those who manage to fight back, and fight back repeatedly.
- Breaking Lecture: "Ahh but you've seen it, haven't you? The weaklings cling to the order they construct, and claim it is the natural order. An agreed upon farce. The only thing keeping you from breaking that farce and freeing yourself...is you. These petty delusions of duty serve your antagonists, ne'er you. So let it all go, why don't you? Show me the real man behind that mask of respectability."
- Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Never trust the masked man to stay loyal. He's just circling looking for a backstab opportunity - the minute he detects weakness, he pounces. He has allied with numerous people, only to betray them imminently or later on.
- "Hey yo hey yo devil's little sister..." Arlen stated with a totally unhinged smile on his face. Eclipse followed in after a burst of smoke sent the guard into unconsciousness, her thrashing momentarily amusing him. The tyrant promptly stated, "I am going to renegotiate our agreement in my favor. I trust you have no objections?"
- Creepy Monotone: Most of the time, due to his helmet mask's voice changer. Some of the changers give him a metallic reverb to go with it, others give him a sinister whisper of a voice.
- Cult: The Ecliptic Following, an almost literal Religion of Evil. They venerate strength and the will to victimize anyone unable to resist you.
- The Dragon: Eclipse in Book II to Shannon Roman, until the split between Eclipse's chaotic The Social Darwinist ideology and her Order based ideology became too severe.
- He himself has the vile Arlen Westlau, a disturbed former Neo-Nazi who was turned off of his old group because they "seemed like weak shits". After an accident, he got his left hand replaced with a magitek mechanical prosthetic and joined Eclipse. He worked his way up and became the conspiracy's chief lieutenant.
- The Dreaded: Everyone who knows him knows he means business.
- Dystopia Justifies the Means: He isn't even particularly utopian - he acknowledges his world would be harsh, unforgiving, destructive and full of pain and death...and relishes it.
- Equal-Opportunity Evil: Of a sort - Eclipse is opposed to racism if not much else, arguing it denies the strength of the many human races. Malik Hackford is uniquely a black Lord Eclipse, and unlike the expectation some might have, he's far more a devious criminal mastermind than a Scary Black Man "thug", a sophisticated man but an utterly cruel one.
- "Do not mistake me for the gutter snipes I employ. And do not think my skin color means I feel any affinity for a weakling milksop like you. I would crush your throat as sure as wringing a chicken's neck."
- Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: He is utterly mystified by Matthew's strength and skill, considering how nice and self-effacing Matthew is. Evil Has a Bad Sense of Humor: Of a sort - one commonality is Eclipse's dry wit. He just has utterly no tact. At one point he sets a comatose patient on fire and quips, "...I always preferred my vegetables well done."
- Graceful Loser: By and large. He's honest about his darwinist ideology and so if someone proves themselves stronger, he urges them to take what is owed to them.
- Hero Killer: When Eclipse shows up, people you love and care about ARE going to die. No matter what.
- Kick the Dog: Regardless which Eclipse is currently out and about, punching down and cruelly harming people are common facets of his persona.
- Kick The Son Of A Bitch: Occasionally, he just happens to betray or kill people who are pretty bad themselves. He makes a habit out of crushing the heads of racists who don't recant their views, while driving home their inferiority to him letting him do this. He also tends to betray Corrupt Corporate Executive types often.
- He abandons Aracade Joudas spectacularly - right when Joudas calls for his assistance, he derisively states "Sink or swim" and then leaves. Considering Joudas desired to create an Assimilation Plot and was plenty crooked besides, Eclipse abandoning him was the best possible thing that could've happened. It's also implied Eclipse was personally disgusted with Aracade's plan as it would've unified everyone into one organism.
- Lack of Empathy: Eclipse could and would spit on the very idea of empathy - as he puts it, putting yourself in others' shoes means losing track of what you desire.
- Manipulative Bastard: A few of them are in the Eclipse Identity - Scott Winthrop is keen on manipulating fears, Malik Dulaney is amazing at manipulating peoples' sense of pride and duty, and Sir Regal Kalvin specializes in making the desperate work for him.
- Might Makes Right: "The foundation of justice in the world is the broken bodies of those weaker than you. Of course justice will prevail. He who wins becomes justice and builds that new justice on the backs of the fallen."
- Misery Builds Character: Just as well as the latter trope believes that fighting, clawing for power, and ceaseless work builds better people than simply being given everything.
- Nice Guys Finish Last: Views unconditional kindness and love in a negative light - in his mind it is a sign of genuflection and weakness.
- No-Nonsense Nemesis: Once fighting reaches him, he ditches any nonsense at all and goes right for what he needs. No fucking around, no meaningless gestures. Just the occasional boast and overwhelming force.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Eclipse aside from being against racism is an utter elitist, believing in the necessity of culling the weak. He's unapologetic about verbally abusing people for their "weak" qualities.
- Putting on the Reich: Eclipse' "mooks", the Ecliptic Legion, twirl their pikes and weapons like soldiers in a military parade in a foreign dictatorship. "I'm seeing shades of Hussein, Kim Jong Il..." They combine this with very eerie unexpressive masks and sudden lethal attacks.
- The Social Darwinist: A relatively rare non-hypocritical example - for all of how despicable his ideology is, he absolutely believes in it. He engages in Baddie Flattery whenever someone surpasses his expectations and shows himself to have respect for those who fight back.
- "Streiss has my respect for reasons you would not understand. He surpassed survival instinct and fights now among giants."
- What Is Evil?: "What is Evil? Merely one option on the menu of the mighty."
Edited by NickTheSwing on Nov 21st 2018 at 5:36:28 AM
Not sure I really get Eclipse. Why, exactly, are all these separate people pretending to be the same guy? And if each of them decided to uphold this masquerade on their own accord, suggesting they each have their own agency, which is further enforced by them having varying personalities, why present them as a single character?
Behold, Most Strange Crossover Corner! Specifically, Magic: The Gathering and Chronicles of Darkness!
I'll start with the antagonist OC I have a good picture of:
Name: Elar'dhi, Echo of the Spheres
Age: Is an Eldrazi Titan, so largely irrelevant beyond "old."
Role: Greater-Scope Villain Nahiri is trying to unleash as revenge against Tenebriae (the planar name of the Chronicles of Darkness universe) for freeing Sorin Markov from her imprisoning spell largely by accident. And just as Nahiri is being played by her supposed Quirky Miniboss Squad (the Mournlords), so is Elar'dhi not really a villain. Awakening her would be bad for Tenebriae, but incidentally so, because Elar'dhi wishes to stay asleep. In reality, she can be considered a Wild Card, and almost a Big Good in her own right.
Abilities: As an Eldrazi, Elar'dhi's influence causes The Corruption, and she is a Reality Warper even when asleep, with her dreams causing strange living psychodramas in planes touched by her (ie, she is aware of) that spawn legions of unique monsters (in her case, the theme of her creation are Tears of Blood, duality, and interesting relationships with sound. As the Titan of Regret, her byline is More than Mind Control; people who wish to renounce everything to escape pain and who can no longer see the present for the past become targets of her dreams and are warped into Eldrazi lifeforms who retain more aspects of their minds and sanity, able to think and plan independently to feed mana to their alien mother. She does this subconsciously; theoretically, she could be even more powerful, but once stirred to semi-consciousness she shows remorse about doing it to several of Franklin Coalblack's friends and apologizes; she was hungry and was simply looking for some mana before she had to feed on existence instead. As Nahiri discovers, a focused Elar'dhi can even corrupt planeswalkers in the grip of grief - something Nahiri has been driven by ever since Zendikar.
Weaknesses: In theory, the Eldrazi Titans can die, if fully forced out of the Blind Eternities. Realistically, her being awake would devastate Tenebriae utterly, especially since the plane itself formed around her can, and is shaped by her dreams. Of course, she has a much greater weakness of being a self-loathing, depressed mess who hates being an Eldrazi. Tenebriae's existence as a Gothic Punk monster-infested Wretched Hive is, in fact, due to her eternal existential crisis as she doubts herself and tries to find some reason to continue living as a Spacetime Eater who needs to corrupt to survive, and the war between her instincts and her conscience warps her dreams, along with the subtle Roil effect caused by Tenebriae's cosmic autoimmune response. In fact, she can't control her powers well at all due to being asleep, and what power she does have is controllable by mortals, which is what the Mournlords (aka, the Pilgrims of Iiden) are counting on in their plan to destroy all planeswalkers and potential planeswalkers and free the multiverse of their manipulations - though it's later shown that the Blind Eternities will reconfigure themselves to make non-planeswalkers able to hop planes much more easily. They think this is a good thing because it will allow true equality of opportunity and everyone to go wherever they want. Unfortunately, nobody told them about New Phyrexia.
Goals: Unknowable, apart from raw hunger for mana as far as Nahiri knows. In reality, Elar'dhi's "lullaby", the thing that sent her into a catatonic state, the Spear Of Five Wisdoms? It forced her to recognize the existence of non-Eldrazi life and emphasize with them. This sudden understanding of who and what she was in relationship with the multiverse drove her mad with guilt and horror, sending her into a catatonic state in the heart of the Blind Eternities. Sorin later compares her to a child in a Troubled Fetal Position, around which Tenebriae formed out of mana like a great black pearl. While her mind has recovered, she still sleeps to keep her mana consumption to a minimum, nibbling on Tenebriae just enough to keep herself alive as her dreams reach out and attempt to answer the Driving Question that torments her: How can a monster justify its existence? These days, she's actively fighting attempts to revive her, since the wisdom the Spear showed her will not go away just because it's removed, and all that would do is result in an Apologetic Attacker Eldrazi - and perhaps one more dangerous than even Emrakul, because Elar'dhi understands her prey.
Posting this first bit, because saving drafts does not seem to be cooperating.
Edited by Leliel on Nov 29th 2018 at 10:15:43 AM
Continued:
Backstory: Elar'dhi, sometimes known as the Forgotten Sorrow, the Breaker of Eons, or the Empress of Tears, is one of the Eldrazi Titans, a race of cosmic Planetary Parasites native to the Void Between the Worlds, the Blind Eternities. As with her contemporaries - Ulamog, Kozilek, and Emrakul - she projects a bit of herself into a targeted plane, one of the millions of worlds inside the Multiverse, and feeds upon the mana that composes it, leaving behind an alien landscape until she drains it of mana completely, causing the plane to dissolve into undifferentiated Aether and moves on to the next world. In the process, she corrupts native life into Eldrazi life-forms, effectively organs and symbiotes with herself, by feeding on them. She herself is an Eldrazi from a distant clade of spheres, who menaced the Human-Touched Super Cluster (essentially, all the planes that have humans or human-like beings in them) centuries before even Nicol Bolas, an Elder Dragon, ignited his own planeswalker spark, and he's been around to raise entire civilizations for the purpose of creating Elite Mooks. While not, perhaps, as threatening at the three Nahiri would help seal later, Elar'dhi was a far more devious and insidious foe than any of the big three, able to influence the sentient beings of her targeted worlds into cultists long before she arrived to feast directly by playing on the things she personified: the past devouring the present, the death of passion, the truth of cosmic irrelevance, and the desire to escape pain even at the cost of the soul. As a result, she would generally arrive at a world that, thanks to the actions of the Apocalypse Cults she inspired, and those willing to inflict despair to escape it themselves, generally didn't even try to resist as she harvested it.
Eventually however, a group of five heroes later discovered to not be planeswalkers; they were banded together by one, but the ceremony would not have worked for beings familiar with the Blind Eternities as Elar'dhi would perceive it as an attack by a rival Eldrazi and ignore it, each embodying knowledge and mastery of one of the five colors of mana (White, Black, Blue, Red, and Green) combined their strength to form a "physical lullaby", the Five-Tone Spear. They rammed it through Elar'dhi's terrible third eye and brain, and exposure to such a raw concentration of all five forms of mana, in opposition to an Eldrazi's own Non-Elemental nature, sent her into a catatonic state. For this, they were known as the Five Noble Teachers, for it is they who quantified many mental techniques for controlling colors of mana to this day.
And unfortunately, the Teacher of Blue left behind extensive notes on what happened to Elar'dhi so they could study a sleeping Eldrazi in its natural habitat. Which Nahiri, aka the Herald of the Eldrazi, found shortly after the Tenebriae scientists who discovered the existence of other planes freed him quite by accident (or more accurately, they found him and one researcher, a mage with a focus on emotions, sensed the pain he was in and reached out to sooth him - which allowed Sorin to focus enough to escape from the painful prison Nahiri put him in). Because Nahiri hates Sorin to the point of utter insanity for not helping her with preventing the Eldrazi from ravaging her home plane (largely because Sorin was trying to save his home plane), she decided a fitting end to the people who had spoiled her revenge was to destroy his new home as well.
Of course, if you've read the spoilers, you know Nahiri is being manipulated by the Mournlords, who are actually people whose planes have been ravaged by the plots of planeswalkers and now desire to stop planeswalkers from existing to save the planes from their machinations. In reality, the Mournlords, called the Pilgrims of Iiden after the plane-temple where they found the journal first, and mostly because their own state of, uh, mourning for their plane allowed them to attune themselves to Elar'dhi's whispering mind without being corrupted, as ironically none of them have actually given up hope of a better future and actually emphasize with Elar'dhi's feelings of loneliness and alienation; there is nothing in her dreaming mind they have not met themselves and dealt with. In reality, as the previous section said, the Five-Tone Spear really gave the alien perceptions of Elar'dhi's mind a front-row seat to the entire mortal experience, and forced her to understand these perceptions were the thoughts of her prey. Quite simply, the Five Great Teachers drove an Outer God sane. Naturally, as the embodiment of Regret, Elar'dhi is also capable of feeling guilt, and understanding the fundamentally horrific nature of her existence caused her to go borderline catatonic from guilt and to devour a bare minimum of mana to keep herself alive. Her inner Eldrazi instincts, however, don't get it-to them, she is perpetually on the brink of starving, and so her own instincts produce dreams that warp the world into images of Eldrazi horror in an attempt by her id to wake up. She knows this, and occasionally rouses herself to corrupt and drain a bit of mana just to avoid fully waking up utterly ravenous and likely devouring multiple planes before her hunger is sated to the point of coherent thought. She doesn't want to do that, and this conflict between her conscience and her basic biological needs is what has shaped Tenebriae since it formed around her sleeping form.
The good news is, this means that this is no Cosmic Horror Story; the Eldritch Abomination has come to regret her nature and is actively trying to moderate her hungers while trying to somehow find a way to contextualize her nature in a way that allows her to justify not killing herself. The bad news is, the Mournlords know that - and they know that means she's a source of undreamed of power to alter the very nature of the multiverse by manipulating the Blind Eternities, if they figure out how to direct her subconscious...
You can review now, I can't think of a good series of associated tropes apart from A Form You Are Comfortable With kind of an inversion, since her consciousness takes the form of whatever causes the person she is speaking with the most regret.
Edited by Leliel on Dec 1st 2018 at 11:40:51 AM
I'm not familiar with either of the universes you're writing for, but from what I can gather, you've done a great job making an Eldritch Abomination sympathetic. I could definitely see her as an interesting Anti-Villain. Nice job!
Another fanfic thing. I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking when I put a generic Apocalypse Cult in a Pokemon Super Fic, but rest assured that the Remnant (formerly known as Terminus)
Name: The Upper Hand
Goal: To rule over non-supers.
Methods: They make a big deal of how powerful they are, and perform "heroic" acts to try to prove to the normals that they need supers to protect them.
Weaknesses: The organization itself is quite small, consisting of only a handful of supers (since they're not particularly common). Most of their influence comes from muggle supporters.
Motivation: They believe their powers put them above those who lack them. Unlike fellow Super Supremacist organization Team Zenith, the Upper Hand doesn't want to make more supers, since they feel it makes them less special.
Role: The villainous faction of the Symphora region's northeastern zone. Like the other zones' villain teams, these guys are minor antagonists.
Relevant Tropes:
- Bad Samaritan: Their primary M.O.
- Enemy Mine: Teams Zenith and Halcyon may oppose each other, but both hate the Upper Hand's guts. The former thinks them selfish for wanting to keep their gift to themselves, while the latter is trying to protect everyone from exactly these kinds of people.
- Engineered Heroics: Played with. While they do stop actual threats, they sometimes resort to this when things are slow, or when they really want to make a point.
- Faux Affably Evil: They pretend to have good intentions but are quite condescending towards those they believe to be inferior.
- For Your Own Good: What they keep telling the normals.
- Heel–Face Turn: A major character successfully convinces one of them to leave the group.
- Les Collaborateurs: Their non-powered supporters are basically this; lacking powers themselves, but they believe the group has a point and help further their goals in any way they can.
- Master-Apprentice Chain: The group has been around for a while, with its main super team training their eventual replacements. The apprentices aren't exactly grunts, but they're lower in rank than the admins. Sidekicks, perhaps.
- Playing Card Motifs: Downplayed - The team's costumes take a bit of inspiration from playing cards, but it's not all that noticeable aside from the color scheme and perhaps a suggestion of a symbol here and there. The group's name also has a subtle one.
- Super Supremacist: Plays this trope dead straight.
- Super Team: Their leader and admins form a team of five.
- Weapon Of Choice: In keeping with their worldview, they mostly use Pokemon that can Mega Evolve. A few other species, particularly those known for their pride, are also used.
I think, as a concept, it works perfectly. I would like to see a bit more detail- like maybe some members, some group dynamics, a bit of history about their founding- but otherwise I think it's a good concept that just needs a bit more meat to it. Again, since they're minor villains I don't think this needs to be tons of stuff but they do feel a tad undeveloped at the moment IMO.
- Name:** Corporal Buster Ewart
- Age:** Early to mid-twenties
- Personality:** Ewart is pretentious, smug, and sneering towards strangers, an absolute suckup to his superior Lieutenant Kerr, and speaks to Private Purkiss like a parent to their toddler. It's quite clear to anyone who talks to him that he has no genuine affection for his boss, and resents that he's in charge. Despite this, he's very averse to conflict and will usually submit to anyone who challenges him with the slightest amount of authority in their voice. He does seem to genuinely like Rodger Purkiss, but grows angry with him whenever he shows any degree of independence outside of him. His jokes are extremely cruel and mean-spirited and usually told behind the back of who they regard. Oh, and he has an absolute obsession with airplanes.
- Abilities:** Has a very steady hand, used for both making model planes and for his role as The Sniper. His knowledge of airplanes is rivaled by none. Also is practically worshipped by Purkiss.
- Appearance:** Ewart wears stupidly large spectacles that keep slipping down his pinched nose. He has vague fluff around his chin that vaguely approximates a beard.
- Weaknesses:** Not particularly physically strong, very submissive when challenged, his brown-nosing habits are easily noticed and dismissed by Kerr.
- Goals:** Assist Kerr in bringing about the Firebrand Coup to depose President Raymond and installing Firebrand as fascist dictator.
- Motivation:** Gain the power to get his revenge on Isaac Bridge and Isabel Waters and the money to get a flying license and fly all around the world.
- Role in the story:** A mook for Kerr.
- Backstory:** Brought up by his elder brother Buddy following the death of their parents in the Breaking of the Sixth Seal, the two became con-artists to make ends meet. Generally, this was both risky and garnered little profit, and the two resolved that they would do anything to lift each other out of poverty. Their sole rule was that they would never physically hurt anyone. Buster practically worshipped his elder brother and believed all his stories about how in a few years they'd be sitting on a beach, comfortable and safe. He said he'd pay him back by flying him around the world one day. This culminated in his plan to scam a couple around Buster's age named Isaac and Isabel. Rather simply, this consisted of Buster befriending them and then stealing an expensive model helicopter they owned before fencing it off for a sum of at least a few hundred. As you've probably figured out by now, Buster ended up Becoming the Mask and after a few days of developing a friendship, Buster confessed everything. Isaac and Isabel both decided that they didn't really need the model that much and just let him keep it while maintaining the friendship. However, as this developed, Buddy grew more and more resentful that Buster was growing more and more independent from him, culminating with Buster telling him he didn't want to do any more scams with him. Buddy lost it and threatened to kill him if he ever said it again, before emotionally blackmailing him into Buddy's idea of redemption: breaking into Isaac and Isabel's house and stealing everything. Naturally, Buddy purposely got caught and revealed that Buster had attempted to rob them. Isaac agreed not to press charges if they returned the model and they never saw them again. Once they had left, Buddy apologized and said one day, Buster would forgive him. Buster picked up a rock and promptly beat him to death until his head was pulp. Lost, and without purpose, he joined the Marine Corps and while serving in the Cabrolish War met Rodger Purkiss, and once again began his low-level connery on other members of the corps. Upon hearing vague rumors that Lieutenant Kerr was staging a coup, Buster sought him out and offered his assistance in exchange for both a large sum of money and free reign to get his revenge on Isaac and Isabel for rejecting him.
Tropes:
- Biggus Dickus: Once claimed to have a 10.2 inch penis, adding the decimal to make it sound "more realistic". Spoiler alert: didn't work.
- Condescending Compassion: Is actually genuine in his desire to help Rodger learn things, since he never had a formal education. Of course, he shuts down any attempt for him to learn independently of him; it's mainly about control.
- Catchphrase: Towards Rodger: "You're a miserable little idiot. Should have left you to die in that desert."
- The Dragon: Is one to Kerr, crossing over with The Starscream at times whenever he's in conversation with Kerr's direct superior Blackburn.
- Entitled to Have You: A platonic version with Isaac and Isabel.
- Extreme Doormat: One to his elder brother, Buddy, as Rodger is to him. He pretends to be one to Kerr but hates him and is constantly vying for his job.
- Friendly Sniper: He's actually fairly nice to Kidd and Pike, the other two soldiers in Kerr's squad aside from him and Purkiss.
- Foil: To Gavin Wells, both fitting the mark of the "joker" within their respective squads.
- Inferiority Superiority Complex: After losing everybody he ever cared about in a single night, he does truly believe that he's worthless.
- Jerkass: Very smug and frequently mocks anyone he thinks is better than him. This is a lot of people. That said, anyone he views as worse he's usually nice to.
- Not in This for Your Revolution: Doesn't seem to give a toss about the ethos of fascism, although his attitude towards racial minorities seems to be "casual racism" at best. It's implied if he gained control of the squad he'd just kill Isaac and Isabel, rob a bank or something, and promptly scarper.
- Pet the Dog: Promises to show Rodger the world once he has his flying license.
- Your Head A-Splode: How Wells finishes him off during their sniper duel.
Edited by Bennings on Dec 8th 2018 at 7:54:11 AM
Admittedly, this is my first post on the Writer's Block. I'll critique your villain: Your supporting villain sounds like a non-video game equivalent of a low-level boss you can find in older RPGs. He's generally kind of amusing henchman to your main villain. Being a cocky jerk makes it feel less of sympathetic minion more of a dark comedy victim.
Anyways, I'm posting my first villain for my supernatural horror story. Be sure to critique her when someone has the time.
Name: Al Enna, the Archaic Mother
Age: Primordial
Personality: Al Enna is a cryptic entity. She is described as a strange, manipulative and highly destructive extra-dimensional entity. Her morality is best described as completely alien and her logic does not match human rationality.
Al Enna loves to her own children, especially Claire Vaughan, a Cambion girl. She treats her daughter as if she was her biological daughter and offers deals on making her accepted by humanity. However, she is described by Claire as a 'deadbeat supernatural mother'.
She is extremely brazen, notably her fondness of relentless violence and her unfettered train-of-thought. She is also ignorantly evil, she does not know she is evil and does not put any thought of her own 'goal'. Additionally, she is wanton and wayward with human beings despite her own inhuman nature.
Over the course of the story, she develops an animosity with her daughter, Claire Vaughan because she resists her temptations to become her False Messiah into the world.
Abilities:
- Eldritch physiology: She is capable of surviving even the most fatal strikes and incapable of feeling death.
- Biological manipulation: She can manipulate the biology of living things, especially humans to an extreme degree. She can alter her own body to produce all sorts of biological constructs.
- Black Milk secretion: She can produce the Black Milk, a powerful mutagen that mutates any living thing that consumes or exposes to it.
- Inhuman intellect: She is smarter than every human because her agelessness, her unearthly physiology and her biological powers make her capable of doing intellectual prowess.
- Asherah Pole: A supernatural artifact capable of powers possessed by goddesses of the world.
Weaknesses: Under normal circumstances, Al Enna can be defeated by someone who has near footing with her, usually a Demi-Human being or someone using the Asherah Pole against her. She must be banished back to her dimension before awakens.
Goals: Expose humanity to the Black Milk and mutate. She wants to reshape the world into her own vision.
Motivation: To fulfill her own mission.
Role in the story: Main antagonist
Backstory: Al Enna was entity from the Further, a dimension where eldritch entities, demons, spirits and monsters dwell, where different realities converge. She came to Earth because it interested her.
At Earth, she found out women were oppressed in ancient times. Around the globe, she took in the forms of female deities in order to worship her and rebel against the patriarchy of the time, especially the Middle East.
She returned to the Further after the collapse of her cult. After her departure, the remaining cultists still worshiped her, hoping that one day she will bear a daughter to bring a new world.
In the 21st century, Al Enna was summoned by Doctor Raymond Vaughan by occult scientific experiments. She bore a Cambion child named Claire by forced mothering with the doctor, which killed him and gave birth to Claire.
Relevant Tropes:
- Affably Evil:
- Amplifier Artifact: The Asherah Rod is a supernatural stave capable of powers that only goddesses in mythology possessed. It can be controlled by Al Enna or any female human worthy of carrying it.
- Ancient Evil: She is an ancient being who existed long before humankind existed and she is a threat to existence.
- Apocalypse Maiden: Her arrival on Earth heralds the apocalyptic transfiguration of the world in which the Black Milk and her Spawn will alter it.
- Arch-Enemy: Of Claire Vaughan.
- Big Bad: The main antagonist.
- Bizarre Alien Reproduction: How she gives birth to her Spawn and Claire:
- For Claire, it is like normal childbirth except it is unnaturally accelerated and quickly conceives a full grown infant.
- For her Spawn: She spouts and grows out of her body with the spawn emerging.
- Blue-and-Orange Morality: She is a nice and caring person to her cultists and her child, Claire Vaughan. However, she is ignorantly evil and she is willing to mutate or kill human beings.
- Brown Note: Her true form drives humans insane. Only certain humans with a ‘luster’ are capable of comprehending her true form such as her daughter, Claire, Priestess Mona, Dr. Raymond Vaughan,
- Body Horror: She is capable of inflicting on humans via her biological manipulation powers and her Black Milk.
- Combat Tentacles: Her main ability when she fights.
- The Dreaded: Feared by the Department of Supernatural Affairs and Claire because how dangerous she is.
- Eldritch Abomination: Her true nature: She is a being from the Further which drives humans insane and possesses abominable powers beyond human comprehension.
- Evil Matriarch:
- A Form You Are Comfortable With: Her human form which disguises her true form. It resembles a Semitic woman wearing a veil with alternating long red or black hair.
- Humanity Is Infectious: The reason she did not immediately transfigure humanity on arrival because the concept of worship and womanhood interested her and adopted into her head.
- Humanoid Abomination: Al Enna appears to be a female human, but her powers and origin suggests she is not and she uses it as a disguise to make humans comfortable with her.
- I Have Many Names: She is referred to the names of goddesses, female monsters and demonesses such as Diana, Aradia, Echidna, Tiamat, Isis, Gremory, Lilith, Medusa, Asherah, Alilat and a plethora of feminine spirit names.
- It Amused Me: A result of her ignorance of being evil.
- Mother of a Thousand Young: Her main trait. She is capable of birthing thousands types of monstrosities, called her spawn that are horrific.
- Obliviously Evil: Her main trait which makes her horrifying. Her intentions may sound pleasant, she doesn’t know she is evil and her methods are abominable.
- Person of Mass Destruction: At her peak of power, she can mutate human beings by biological manipulation and reduce the world into a grotesquerie.
- Physical God: In her corporeal form, she has several abilities which horrify humans and strong enough to mutate the world.
- Red Right Hand: Her pale pallor, her ability to generate tentacles and her gold eyes signify she isn’t human at all.
- Shapeshifter Default Form: Type B. Her preferred form is a veiled Semitic woman in traditional clothing with red or black hair. Other forms include:
- A voluptuous woman with thick, long black hair that reaches her waist and carries a serpent.
- A motherly-looking woman with red hair and freckles, wearing a blue dress with bracelets and anklets.
- A hideous, elderly, skull-faced woman wearing a embroidered red dress, carrying a goblet filled with her Black Milk and riding a seven-headed dragon.
- Super-Empowering: Her Black Milk and her breath can imbue human females with biological powers.
- Supernatural Gold Eyes: Her physical trait which identifies her as unearthly.
- Time Abyss: She is an ancient entity, far longer than humanity ever existed.
- To Serve Man: She is fond of consuming humans as a delicacy.
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: One of her abilities. She can transfigure any form she wants as long as it is comprehensible to humans.
- Walking Wasteland: Should Al Enna arrive on Earth, her existence will devastate the world.
- Hell Is That Noise: When she speaks, her voice is incomprehensible, maddening and painful by normal humans except Claire.
- Would Hurt a Child: She is willing to hurt her own daughter, Claire and her friend Charlotte because they were interfering with her plans.
- You Cannot Grasp the True Form: No human being can ever see her true incomprehensible form without going insane or be killed by Al Enna. The closest thing she resembled is a disturbing representation of a female organ with flesh tentacles.
Well, I don't know much about Blue-and-Orange Morality Eldritch Abomination characters, but I can say that Al Enna is quite terrifying. I like her being referred to many mythological characters and monsters. And, I must ask, is one of her shapeshifter forms, the elderly one, based on Mother Harlot from Shin Megami Tensei?
I wish I could say more, but I generally lack knowledge in Eldritch Abomination department (I'm not a big fan of H. P. Lovecraft) The only Ancient Evil beings I can talk about more are the Chaos Gods from Warhammer and those based off them.
Okay then. Time to continue presenting the members Five Bad Band to my Trapped in Another World story. This time, it's The Brute's turn. Let me introduce you to Xerxes, captain of Dragon Guard, personal bodyguard of sorcerer Kane and bastard son of empress Salaza!
- Name: Xerxes
- Age: Around 300 years
- Personality: Xerxes is known for his serious demeanor, dedication towards his work on the behalf of his people and Undying Loyalty towards Kane and his mother Salaza. He is willing to lay down his life to protect his people's future. But, when it comes to other races, unless they are close allies to Dark Elf Empire and are important to either Kane or Salaza's plans, he will abandon them to their fates.
Xerxes is regarded as a hero and an example to follow throughout Dark Elf Empire, as he rose up to the role of a captain in the fabled Dragon Guard through his hard work alone. Because of his status as a bastard child (never mind him being the son of the EMPRESS), he was treated as a commoner. He had to prove he deserves to be treated as a nobility in Dark Elf society. And he did.
What is most notable about Xerxes is that he lacks ambition. He was offered to become a general or even take a shot at becoming the emperor, but he refused. He is content with his current position. - Appearance: Xerxes is big and imposing Dark Elf, clad in an armor made out of Black Dragon scales. Most of the time, his face is hidden behind his Dragon Helm, an appropriately named helm with looks like a dragon's head. His face is covered in scars and his silver hair is always short. He also has a magnificent beard. [NOTE: In terms of appearance, he was based off Lu Bu and Zhang Liao from Dynasty Warriors]
- Abilities: Aside from having access to Dark and Fire magic, like all Dark Elves do, Xerxes is a great warrior. Perhaps the greatest of his generation. He is extremely dangerous at close quarters, as he mastered almost all melee weapons accessible to the Dark Elves and is very proficient at hand-to-hand combat. Although he's not great with magic, he can still imbue his weapons or armor to give them an elemental boost.
Very often, he is accompanied by his Wyvern mount, Maelstrom. Maelstrom is a vicious, yet loyal dragon to his master and will fight to the bitter end to defend him. It can breathe fire or spew toxic fumes at his enemies, but it prefers to tear his prey to shreds with his very sharp claws and fangs. Like other dragons, its scales are very durable. - Weaknesses: While Xerxes is a master of melee combat, he is outclassed by almost every major character in the magic department. Like all Dark Elves, he is weak to Light magic due to his strong connection to the Dark Magic. Although his armor allows him to withstand great amounts of physical and magical damage, even it has its limits. Also, this armor due to being made out of dragon scales, it is vulnerable to Dragon-killer weapons.
- Goals: Help Kane and his mother realize their plan of destroying Kingdom of Firana. Serve his empire and his people.
- Motivation:Undying Loyalty towards Kane and his mother, the empress. Disgust at Firana's nobility and desire to save all unfortunate Dark Elves imprisoned by Firanians.
- Role in the story: The Brute to Kane's Big Bad. Would have been The Dragon if not his lack of ambition and being overshadowed by Fiia's in terms of magical prowess.
- Relevant Tropes:
- The Brute: Downplayed, surprisingly. He is fairly intelligent and is a good leader. But, he's not a good strategist like Kane or Mizar.
- The Creon: He is content with his current position as Kane's bodyguard and a captain of Dragon Guard. He was once offered to become a general, but he refused.
- Multi-Melee Master: Has mastered almost all melee weapons accessible to Dark Elves and is proficient at hand-to-hand combat.
- Dragon Rider: You must be one to be a Dragon Guard, especially if you're a captain in their ranks. He rides atop Maelstrom, a vicious yet loyal Wyvern [NOTE: Wyverns are the Non-Elemental dragons in this universe.]
- Weapon Of Choice: His mighty halberd,
- Undying Loyalty: Towards Kane and his mother, the empress Salaza
- Literal Bastard: He was born out of wedlock. His true father is not known. In the Dark Elf Empire, he is seen as Heroic Bastard. In Kingdom of Firana, he is seen as Bastard Bastard.
- A Hero to His Hometown: He is seen as the greatest hero of Dark Elf Empire. Everywhere else, he is dreaded as if he was a demon.
- The Dreaded: To the point, when one Firanian commander died from heart attack when he saw Xerxes coming after him!
- Red Baron: He has earned the title "Saint of War" for his numerous exploits during battles
- Hero Killer: Responsible for killing one of the most prominent warriors from Kingdom of Firana and an orc Warlord, bested a Beastmen chieftain Taurox in a duel and cut off The Hero's arm during their fight. If it weren't for Kane's order to spare The Hero, Xerxes would've killed him here and there!
- Self-Made Man: He rose to the position of Dragon Guard, one of the most elite forces in Dark Elf Empire, through his hard work alone.
Like usual, I haven't listed off all the tropes related to Xerxes. Otherwise, this post would be too long.
Who would you like me to introduce next, reworked Araza, The Dark Chick of the Five Bad Band or Arch Succubus Rathi? I will become a great writer one day! Hopefully...
Xerxes seems to be very well grounded, which could be good and bad for the story. His position and lack of ambition might let him be overshadowed by more ridiculous characters, but his perspective would keep the the reader from losing track of what's going on. He's like Alfred from Batman, but more combat heavy.
My only real tip is to do something that would really piss him off or make him consider making executive decisions.
And I'd like to see the succubus.
First time posting a character!
Name: Berial (after rebirth)
Age: 32 (Earth years); 5 (since rebirth)
Personality: He's calm, ambitious, and calculating, always moving his allies and enemies on his chessboard. But, when he fights a worthy opponent, he's loud, wild, and single-minded, savoring every minute. Either way, he's extremely confident, rude, and sadistic and knows he can back up his threats.
Abilities: Phenomenal strength, speed, durability, stamina, and longevity, Super Genius Intellect, High level telepathy (Planet-wide range), Expert medical knowledge, Antimatter, Soul Power (Constructs, Transference, Resurrection, Self-Resurrection through ritual), Martial Arts expert
Weaknesses: The stronger his opponent, the more invested he gets in that opponent. It can lead to him not noticing enemy actions or movements that could lead to his defeat unless it's blatantly obvious. Tearing his soul apart can stop him until it reforms. Rendering him brain dead can stop him permanently until something kills him.
He needs souls to keep his body functional. The more he absorbs, the long he lasts, but he can drain his reserves if he exerts himself for to long without refueling. One he runs out, his body starts to decay and become dependent on his own willpower.
Goals: To create a universal order where everyone can live like the gods and be truly free. He wants each person to have the life they always wanted and a cause worth dying for, instead of living and dying under the thumb of corrupt systems. He wants to become Death itself.
Motivation: He's been pulled into many directions by different people who always had ulterior motives. At first, he was a weak man who thought that this was simply his lot in life. After he was reborn, he felt the pain of every person who lived for someone else's benefit like he did. He realized that this new form was what he was always meant to be and he starts believing that people WANT to be truly uninhibited and free like he is now. He wants to become the Death god that everyone deserves and secretly wants.
Role in the story: What does he actually DO?? Evil Overlord
Backstory: Ever since the dawn of recorded time, the gods choose individuals to fight on their behalf and lead their armies. In the year 13658, a promising but meek doctor was chosen by Thanatos to be her Avatar of Death. At first he was terrified of his role, but was found by death worshipers who told him why he was picked: he's the descendant of two alien races who both claimed to to be genetically perfect.
The Rebirth Project was meant to push the average human to a point of being fit for space travel by bringing them to peak physical condition. However, no one receives the procedure more than once due to the high risk of death. The cult put this man through the project 23 times and he survived. A high ranking member of the cult gave him to the military for their wars, at the same time hoping the man would come back and kill him.
With every rebirth, his form changed little by little. His body became larger, yet sleeker. His mind became faster, yet more precise. He could feel power within his cells, begging to be released.
One by one, other Avatars came. Some came to find whether he was friend or enemy, others to kill him when he made it clear what he was. He relished every battle as he felt himself getting stronger. They sent lawmen, soldiers, armies, and even politicians. He tore through all of them. Every single survivor, he asked a simple question: "Would your cause die for you?"
Rumor spread of this man and he became something unexpected: a hero. Anyone who felt oppressed or held back from revealing their true nature now had a champion they could flock to.
Worlds fell to them until a young woman arrived to meet them: Mareah, Avatar of Space. She pleaded with him to cease his war. An Avatar's role was never meant to be godhood. He understood what she meant and replied.
"I don't see myself as a god... Everyone else does!"
In a single motion, his hand was around her neck.
"Tell me, little one... Would your god die for you?"
She managed the teleport away, but she left one warning. "We are pieces in a great game. The universe could never bow to one man."
His people looked to him for what must be done next, but he simply said, "Game on..."
Relevant Tropes:
Ambition Is Evil: He fully intends to climb higher and higher until he achieves his goals.
The Antichrist: His appearance becomes more demonic and his army starts acting more and more like monsters:
Arch-Enemy: Hopes to find one sooner than later.
Ax-Crazy: He gets more sadistic as he fights. He's working on it.
Berserk Button: Cowards irritate him, but he cannot stand being liars.
Blood Knight: And how! Most of his plans involve large scale wars and even if he isn't directly involved, he likes to watch. He hopes potential rivals are created from all the fighting.
The Chessmaster: Everyone other avatar have rules to follow. Knowing and taking advantage of this gives him freedom of movement. He makes sure everything is moving towards his endgame. The Avatar of Patience hasn't made a move in over SIX BILLION YEARS!! That ends when 3 star systems go to war with his with his location as the epicenter. Exactly as planned.
Baddie Flattery: If someone is matching him, whether on a physical or tactical level, he will compliment them, even if they don't like it.
What You Are in the Dark: He believes that hiding what we are and how we feel from the world is the absolute worse thing we can do as individuals. He wants all people to embrace what we are and take what we want without being held back by laws, religion, and social norms. Unfortunately, that means bringing out the absolute worst out of people.
Dark Messiah: He caters to the idea that people want violence and war. People flock to him because he encourages their bad behavior.
Even Evil has Standards: Rape and children are off limits. No exceptions.
Combo Platter Powers: He is the descendant of the Deisic, a race of peak humans with matter manipulating abilities, and the Immedi, a race of Supermen who could commune with the dead. Being chosen as Avatar of Death corrupted those abilities and maxed out those abilities
Kick the Dog: Constantly.
The Cult: He isn't just seen as a Dark Messiah. Many worlds see him as the destroy deity for their religion and millions follow him as such.
Above Good and Evil/{{Übermensch}}: He lives and fights however he chooses and doesn't concern himself about what others think. His people attempt to do the same.
Back from the Dead: In the event of his death, a ritual can be done by his followers to bring him back at the cost of the lives of numerous sacrifices.
The Dreaded: There's only a handful of avatars or armies who could match him. Even they don't want to risk fighting him head on.
Worthy Opponent: He wants many because Victory is Boring.
Forever War/Dystopia: The perfect world he dreams of. A constant fight for survival who prevent anyone from hiding who they truly are. When he becomes Death, this is the world he wants to build.
Edited by Crazy88 on Dec 15th 2018 at 5:49:44 AM
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Well, about Xerxes. I forgot to add his Berserk Button. This is trying to kill his mother, Maelstrom or Kane. The only officially known instance of him going berserk was when a powerful Demon Lord laid siege to the Kingdom of the Wild Hunt (Wood Elf domain) during empress' diplomatic visit. The said Demon Lord managed to wound both Salaza and Glade King Oberon. Suffice to say, Xerxes went full Doomguy on the Demon Lord, ultimately killing him by ripping Demon Lord's horns and jamming them into his eyes. That event elevated him to the rank of captain within Dragon Guard.
Now, about Berial. He feels pretty OP to me. There is something that bugs me with him, but I can't put my finger on it. The only thing I can suggest at the moment is to maybe make more believable weaknesses for him or give his enemies (especially heroes) a method to give them a fighting chance against him. But, shutting him down by rendering him brain dead is hardcore.
Okay, now that's out of the way, let me introduce you to Rathi the Arch Succubus - The Princess of Excess, The Great Temptress and The Bringer of Ruin!
- Name: Rathi
- Age: Speculated to be over 3000 years (rather young for her race)
- Personality: Rathi is an ambitious, hedonistic and egoistical (even for a demon) succubus, who's only concern is to have fun at the expense of other races. Including her own. Unlike other demons, who are concerned with restoring their status as the greatest race in existence and exacting revenge on all other races and gods for destroying their creator, Mad God Izaak, Rathi only wants to have fun. Too bad tempting others, torture and overall bringing misery and ruin whenever she goes is Rathi's version of having fun.
She does, however, hates the Rezani (demons who betrayed Izaak and sided with other races) with the same burning passion like the rest of her kin. Tormenting those blood-traitors brings a particular sense of joy to Rathi. And when it comes to torment, anything is fair game.
What is also notable about Rathi is her pride. She considers herself to be the greatest succubus of her race. Anyone, who humiliates her or dares to spoil her fun make themselves her mortal enemy. To prove her worth and become the Demon Empress, she plans to bring ruin to the nations of Kraken continent - Dark Elf Empire, Kingdom of Firana, Kingdom of the Wild Hunt and more... - Appearance: Like all succubi and incubuses, she can alter her appearance to seduce her targets. Her favorite and most commonly used form is that of a very beautiful woman with long, blond hair and crystal blue eyes. Her true form makes her similar to Purgatori - attractive, red skinned woman with demonic wings, horns, tail and wings. Her hair is long and pitch black. The sclerae of her eyes is black and irises are yellow.
- Abilities: Rathi is much stronger than your average succubus. In addition to having access to corrupted (and stronger) version of Dark, Arcane and Fire magic, she's physically stronger and sturdier. In addition, she possesses a form of Healing Factor. She can regrow cut off limbs, but it can take months or even years depending on how severe the injury was. She can go toe-to-toe with an Ogre or Half-Dragons without using her magic.
Like all succubi, she can absorb Life Energy through sex or even kisses, seduce and tempt others and can steal souls of living beings. Those, whose souls are stolen go into a coma and will either die if she consumes the soul or wake up once the soul is freed. - Weaknesses: Magic. It can bypass her impressive physical defenses. She is especially vulnerable towards Light, Arcane and Water magic. Magically empowered weapons are also effective against her. Also, Holy Burns Evil. Blessed Weapons are SUPER effective against her and she cannot enter Holy Sites.
- Goals: Bring ruin to the people of Kraken continent; Become Demon Empress; Make Araza and Kane suffer; Claim Fiia and The Hero as her personal slaves for eternity.
- Motivations: For the Evulz (her general attitude); Desire to prove her greatness and satiate her ego (Becoming Demon Empress and bringing ruin to Kraken continent); Make her traitorous sister Identical Stranger (Araza) and the man who almost killer her her and denied her Fiia (Kane) suffer; Obsession and lust (wanting Fiia and The Hero).
- Role in story: Arc Villain, Greater-Scope Villain (unknowingly)
- Relevant Tropes:
- The Starscream: That's how she achieved the position of Arch Succubus and leadership over her clan.
- Healing Factor: She can heal her wounds or even regrow cut off limbs. How long will it take depends on how severe the injury was. Being hurt by Blessed Weapons can take years to heal.
- Casting a Shadow
- Hellfire: Her corrupted Fire Magic.
- Soul Power
- Horny Devils: She is a particularly powerful succubus. So powerful in fact, that she doesn't need to feed on others. It just brings her so much pleasure to do it.
- Depraved Bisexual: Unlike other succubi, she does not limit herself to only males.
- Kiss of Death: Her kisses drain her target's stamina and mana. She used it to a great effect during her fight with Fiia
- Stalker with a Crush: Towards Fiia and The Hero
- I Have You Now, My Pretty: She did that to Fiia in the past and to The Hero during her story arc.
- Attempted Rape: During her I Have You Now, My Pretty on beaten Fiia, Rathi tried to have her way with half-dragon sorceress to make Forced to Watch Araza suffer. Unfortunately to Rathi, Kane came with his Roaring Rampage of Rescue.
- Oh, Crap!: That was her reaction when Kane went One-Man Army on her demon clan, No-Sell her seduction through sheer hate and pain from stabbing himself in the leg and realized she was facing the Iron Slayer, the infamous demon-slayer who killed Demon General Khaxler!
- No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Kane subjected her to a brutal one. First, she shot off her eye with a barrage of sharp pebbles fired as if from a Gatling Gun. Then, he infected her with his "Flesh to Gold" curse, forcing her to cut off her own arm to prevent herself from turning into a gold statue. Lastly, he had his Arkanite Golem tear off her wings. If it weren't for an allied Demon Lord (whom died shortly after) coming to rescue her, Kane would've killed Rathi by forcing a tree seed grow inside her. Kane was extremely pissed that day. Fiia and The Big Girl of Five-Man Band will put her through similar one, right before The Hero finished her off
- Fate Worse than Death: She plans to inflict one on Kane and Araza. On Kane, for the aforementioned No-Holds-Barred Beatdown. On Araza for looking the same as her sister, who betrayed demon race and became a Rezani.
- Killed Off for Real: She will die at the end of her arc, by the hands of Five-Man Band and Five Bad Band during their Enemy Mine moment
- Off with Her Head!: The Hero will cut off her head with a blessed sword
- Greater-Scope Villain: She is more or less responsible for how messed up Firana nobility and royal family is.
- Wham Episode: Her story arc. As it turns out, she is the reason why Kingdom of Firana is so messed up. And, during the arc, it will be revealed that Kane's Five Bad Band is Good All Along
I was trying to make Rathi particularly evil. I hope I succeeded at this. As always, those are not all the tropes relevant to Rathi. Otherwise, it would've been too long. I will become a great writer one day! Hopefully...
I'm still working on Berial and he felt OP as I wrote him. I'm still trying to find a believable weakness. If it's too simple, like kryptonite, I couldn't see him building an empire or being the dreaded for that long. Brain death was something I was playing with, but its not something heroes could rely on. Maybe he has to absorb souls to keep his body functional? Too long without them or if he exerts himself for too long and he starts to weaken and wither away??? Changes in my character post are in bold.
As for Rathi, she seems like a Revolver Ocelot type character. Like she'd be showing up and causing constantly trouble for her own interests. For becoming empress, I'd say make enough of a Chessmaster to compete with anyone else who wants the job. Good stuff!
Edited by Crazy88 on Dec 15th 2018 at 5:50:28 AM
I'm sorry I can't offer good critiques of other characters. It's not one of my skills, I tend to need to see a character in action to critique. That said, Rathi sure sounds like a fun villain.
This is the villain of my current novel, Orion Belt Blues:
Name: Kai Dragon
Age: 28
Personality: Kai is quiet, intense and extremely stoic. This is mostly a cover for the fact that he's socially awkward and has a lame sense of humor. He self-consciously aims to present himself as the strong, silent type. He's deeply insecure and its relatively easy to make him lose his cool if you know which buttons to push.
Abilities: Kai is a highly trained martial artist, holding world champion belts on numerous systems. He is one of the most proficient swordsmen in the galaxy, and holds the rank of han-shi in Kendo. He has undergone extensive (and extremely expensive) gene-therapy and cybernetic enhancement to make himself faster, stronger and more durable than most humans, and approaches human perfection in the physical realm.
Weaknesses: Kai is deeply insecure about his ethnic heritage, which is primarily Scandinavian and Russian. He desperately wishes he was Japanese, and its trivially easy to mess with his head if you know how to push this button. Call Kai a weeaboo and he will absolutely lose his shit and make mistakes.
Goals: Kai seeks to embody the Code of the Samurai through his every word and deed. He desires to gain the recognition and acceptance of Gage Sakurai, his master. To see Sentaro Steel (nee Sentaro Sakurai) humiliated and broken for the embarrassment he has caused his father.
Motivation: Kai is a gaijin who grew up in the Gingasakura, and feels a deep sense of shame and embarrassment that he is not Japanese. He seeks to prove that he has the indomitable spirit of a true Samurai, and that his "soul" is Japanese, even if his ancestry is not.
Role in the story: Kai Dragon is the The Dragon to Gage Sakurai, and serves his master as a wetworks operative, performing assassinations and retrievals. In the context of this story, he is hunting the protagonist Sentaro Steel in order to bring him home to face justice for dishonoring his father.
Backstory: Kai, born Douglas Andersen, grew up on the Gingasakura colony world Midori. His mother abandoned the family when he was very young. His father was a pathetic loser and chronic drug addict who blamed his constant failures on the racism built into the Gingasakura, and he accidentally taught his son to feel ashamed of his heritage. As a young man, Douglas strived to master the skills of a Samurai. At a very early age he displayed a degree of competitiveness that bordered on obsessive sociopathy. Changing his name to Kai Dragon, he enrolled in the Gingasakura security forces where his ammoral willingness to do anything to please his superiors lead him to rise rapidly through the ranks, and gave him many opportunities to prove himself. Eventually he came to the attention of Gingasakura CEO Gage Sakurai, who recognize Kai's desperate need for approval and willingness to eschew any and all moral considerations to get that approval. Kai has served Gage directly ever since.
Relevant Tropes:
- Absurdly Sharp Blade: Kai's signature weapons are a pair of monomolecular edged katana.
- The Ace: Kai Dragon is effectively the greatest human warrior in the galaxy. In a straight up fight he is more or less unstoppable. He's also an extremely accomplished pilot, spy, hacker, bounty hunter, assassin, as well as a reasonably good poet and artist. He can also paint a mean kanji.
- Awesome McCoolname: Kai adopted his in a deliberate effort to make himself sound like more of a badass.
- Beneath the Mask: Under the cool, calm exterior Kai is a seething mass of self-hatred and insecurity who will never be good enough to love himself.
- Berserk Button: Just call him a weeaboo. I dare you.
- Beware the Quiet Ones: Kai does not make boasts or brag about his prowess. He rarely has an opinion to share
- Blind Obedience: This is what makes Kai so useful to Gage Sakura.
- Blood Knight: Kai is not just good at his job, he truly enjoys being a terrifying badass.
- Corporate Samurai: Kai's entire life goal is to be this.
- The Creon: Kai has absolutely no interest in replacing his master. Without a master, Kai would have no identity. Also, he knows essentially nothing about running a intergalactic megacorporation and is well aware of this fact.
- Cyber Ninja: While he considers himself a Samurai, Kai's expertise in wetworks actually makes him one of these. His advanced cybernetics qualify him for the Cyber part, his paired monomolecular katanas, explosive shuriken and jet black stealth armor fit the Ninja part.
- Cyborg: Kai is one of these, though it's not readily apparent (unless he's attacking you).
- The Dragon: Kai is this to Gage Sakura.
- The Dreaded: Kai is well known throughout the galaxy as Gage Sakura's hatchet man. The series protagonist, Sentaro Steel, is absolutely terrified of him.
- Honor Before Reason: Kai is prone to this.
- Implacable Man: If his master orders him to complete a task, you can be assured that Kai will accomplish that task or die trying. And he's very, very hard to kill.
- Internalized Categorism: What motivates Kai to push himself beyond human limits.
- Japanese Spirit: Kai has this in spades.
- Katanas Are Just Better: Kai is a firm believer in this trope.
- Lightning Bruiser: Kai's cybernetically enhanced reflexes make him on of these.
- Master Swordsman: Kai holds the rank of han-shi in Kendo, the highest rank possible. He holds world champion status in Kendo on several planets.
- Occidental Otaku: So much so it's borders on pathetic.
- The Resenter: Kai absolutely hates Sentaro because, as he sees it, Sentaro has the life (or more specifically the pedigree) that Kai desperately craves and has thrown it away.
- Warrior Poet: Kai fancies himself one of these, though his artistic efforts display great technical skill but little soul.
- Worlds Greatest Warrior: On several worlds, in point of fact.
!
Edited by wolfofthewest on Jan 7th 2019 at 5:49:58 AM
To me, Kai seems a bit deranged, considering his obsession with Japanese culture. But, considering his martial prowess, that potentially makes him more dangerous. A desire to belong to a certain group or even culture can push people to do some pretty dark stuff. I'm not sure what else to say about him.
Anyway, let me continue with my Trapped in Another World story. This time however it will be two characters! Araza, the kind-hearted assassin and The Dark Chick in Kane's The Psycho Rangers (I'm using this trope, because Five Bad Band was axed) and her raven familiar and Team Pet, Corax!
- Names: Araza Lunari and Corax. Corax's real name is Cezary Orzechowski
- Age:
- Araza: 80 years old (young for a vampire)
- Corax: Unknown. He's 59 years old in human years
- Personality: Araza is surprisingly compassionate for an assassin working for an Evil Sorceror like Kane. Unlike her comrades, she gives most of her targets a quick and painless death. If she deems her victim good enough (i.e. showed regret over their past actions and accepted their fate), she may even give them time to make peace with their respective gods. This is a result of being raised by a kind vampire of the Drakken bloodline, who taught her the value of life. However, not all deserve mercy of a quick death and she is more than willing to make wicked souls suffer before ending their lives.
Due to the nature of her being a vampire, Araza is sometimes afraid of herself. Especially if she loses control over herself when she doesn't satiate her thirst for blood. Her main reason why she serves Kane is because he can supply her with blood to drink without having to kill. He and his servants willingly letting some of their blood to help her. Araza's other reason to serve Kane is she had seen the sorcerer's good side and because he offered to help her obtain knowledge about all 5 vampire bloodlines in order to find a way to combat her thirst for blood.
Corax, meanwhile, is a very clever raven who uses his vast knowledge to aid his masters. And, unlike Araza, he is far less compassionate and is less prone to forgive or grant mercy. He was Kane's familiar, until the sorcerer assigned Corax to serve Araza as her spy, messenger and guardian. Due to him being a magical creature, he is fully capable of speaking to others in various languages.
There is a big mystery shrouding Corax's true identity. He is in fact one of the Chosen Heroes from the first wave! He is the Chosen of Yshara, goddess of darkness. He was the great Raven King, a great sorcerer and member of the Conclave, a group of sorcerers concerned with protecting the world from oblivion. But, during an insurrection within Dark Elf Empire, he was turned into a raven by a Rezani mercenary-sorceress. Corax considered committing suicide out of despair, but he was convinced by empress Salaza and Owl Queen, his ally from the Conclave, to continue living and try to find a way to break his curse. In the meantime, Corax decided to aid Kane and his Black Hand Cabal in overthrowing the Firanian aristocracy and watch over Daud, his former apprentice and successor. - Appearance:
- Araza: She appears as an attractive young woman in her early twenties, with a beautiful raven-black (no pun intended) long hair. Due to her being a vampire, her eyes are ruby red and, obviously, vampire fangs. Her most commonly used attire in the field is a ninja-like dark blue outfit and a blue Oni mask [Before you all ask, yes, Oni exist in this world.]
- Corax: He appears as a typical raven, until he uses his magic. When casting spells, his eyes glow either green (Wind) or purple (Dark) depending on spell's element. However, Corax can turn into a monster similar in appearance to Warhammer Lord of Change when fed with crystalized magic. When he was still human, he appeared a young man in his early twenties. He had short brown hair and pale green eyes.
- Abilities: Araza has strong affinity with Dark and Water elements. Her Dark magic allows her to create illusions (mostly to conceal her vampiric appearance), fire bolts of dark magic or imbue her gear with said element. Her Water magic allows her to manipulate water around her or use Ice spells. Thanks to her vampiric heritage, she is stronger than an average man and can heal her wounds by consuming blood. In addition, she is a master infiltrator and manipulator, and is an expect with a bow and daggers.
Corax is surprisingly powerful for a familiar. He has strong affinity towards two elements unlike other familiars - Dark and Wind. He can fire bolts of Dark magic, infect others with nightmarish hallucinations or cast Razor Wind to slice his opponents. In his transformed form, he has access to stronger version of aforementioned spells and can use talons on his hands to tear his foes apart. When he was still human, he had an affinity towards Beast magic. With it, he could consult with animals and turn into a raven for transportation. - Weaknesses: Like all vampires, Araza is vulnerable to sunlight and Light magic. She can negate her weakness towards sunlight by regularly consuming blood and using her Dark magic. But, she needs to pay attention to her mana reserves. Consuming blood will prevent her from being burned by sunlight, but her Dark magic prevents her from losing her vampire strength. Also, if she won't satiate her hunger for blood, she risks losing control over herself. In this state, she will attack anyone and anything to slake her thirst.
Corax is a One-Hit-Point Wonder in his raven form. His monster form however is very durable, but limited. The more damage he takes, the less time he has in this form. When he was still a human, Corax's only weaknesses was his limited mana reserves and being rather frail by not wearing armor for the sake of mobility. - Goals:
- Araza: Overthrow the aristocracy of Firana Kingdom, find a way to control her Blood Lust.
- Corax: Fulfill his masters' wishes, find a Worthy Opponent for Fiia; Regain his human form.
- Motivations:
- Araza: Even Evil Has Standards, desire to help repressed races
- Corax: Utter disgust at the corrupt nobility, Finish what he had started; Wanting to be human again
- Role in the story:
- Araza: The Dark Chick, Token Good Teammate
- Corax: Team Pet for Black Hand Cabal, The Mentor to Araza, Trickster Mentor to Five-Man Band
- Relevant Tropes:
- Araza
- Our Vampires Are Different: In this world, vampires are humans with the same strong connection to Dark magic as the Dark Elves. But, unlike the elves, they are cursed with a Horror Hunger (a curse placed on vampires by Mad God Izaak during Twilight War as his last laugh)
- The Dark Chick: To Kane and his Black Hand Cabal
- Dark Action Girl: While not as strong as Fiia or Xerxes, she is very dangerous.
- Femme Fatale: Sometimes, to get closer to her targets, she needs to flirt with them. And she is very good at it.
- Casting a Shadow: Her Dark magic
- Making a Splash / An Ice Person: Her Water magic.
- Identical Stranger: To Rathi's sister. Because of this, the Arch Succubus tried to make her suffer
- Horror Hunger: Like all vampires, she needs blood to stay sane and gain temporary immunity to sunlight. She seeks knowledge of vampiric bloodlines to find a way to control it.
- Achilles' Heel: Sunlight and Light magic. She can negate the former by regularly drinking blood.
- Bi The Way: She is attracted to both men and women. But, she is quite respectful towards her lovers.
- Because You Were Nice to Me: One of her reasons to serve Kane and be more than willing to cooperate with The Hero from time to time.
- Rescue Romance: She had fallen in love with The Hero after he saved her life.
- Token Good Teammate: The most merciful member of Kane's Black Hand Cabal.
- Corax
- Fantastic Racism: He distrusts the Rezani for some reason. It's because a member of their species turned him into a raven.
- Feathered Fiend: Especially in his One-Winged Angel form
- Creepy Crows / Clever Crows: He fills both tropes
- One-Winged Angel: When fed with crystalized magic, he can turn into Lord of Change Expy
- Casting a Shadow: His Dark magic
- Blow You Away: His Wind magic
- Razor Wind: His most favorite Wind spell
- Brutal Honesty: Corax's specialty
- Write Who You Know: Corax's personality and his backstory on Earth was based off me
. The reason why he's not Author Avatar is because Corax takes an active role in the story.
- Omniglot: He can use many different languages. A subtle Foreshadowing towards him being one of The Chosen Many
- I Choose to Stay: He chose to remain in the fantasy world because he had a power to change something in the world. His general feeling of worthlessness as well as being Madden Into Misanthropy from bullying that lasted years from his classmates from different schools and his asshole of a brother.
- Madden Into Misanthropy: Downplayed. He was a Nice Guy until he was bullied way too many times by his peers and his brother. He's now Jerk with a Heart of Gold at worst and is capable of unleashing Cluster F-Bomb when annoyed enough.
- Was Once a Man: He was turned into a raven by a Rezani sorceress
- Fate Worse than Death: He considers being a stuck as a raven to be this
- Despair Event Horizon: He almost crossed it when he was turned into a raven and was unable to return to his human form
- So Proud of You: He considers his former apprentice Daud to be a worthy successor as a Raven King.
- Araza
As usual, that not ALL the tropes relevant to the characters. And I hope you guys like the reworked Araza. Or Corax for that matter. I will become a great writer one day! Hopefully...
Bump.
Um, does anyone have a good idea for an antagonist? Well-Intentioned Extremist? Harmless Villain who can't even Poke the Poodle? Anything?
I like them. It's clear that they've got a place in your world, and they both have pretty clear-cut motivations.
Name: I Have Many Names but currently goes by The Hunger That Swallows Hope Whole. The Hunger, for short. Currently possessing a woman named Daria O'Keefe.
Age: The Hunger's exact age is unknown, but she's said to be the oldest of eight other demonic sisters. Daria O'Keefe is around 30.
Personality: The Hunger is actually somewhat "soft" for a demon; she's disliked by many others of her kind due to having an overtly kind side, as compared to card-carrying villainy and mischief or buisness-like treachery of the rest of her kind. She mostly prefers to be in the presence of children, as she sees them as constantly growing, "hungry" things. She also has a genuine love for her sisters, despite their antics, and plays Punch-Clock Villain for them as a result.
Daria O'Keefe had an addictive personality from the start. First it was cigarettes, but after a car accident, painkillers became her drug of choice. Neglectful and a slave to her own cravings, she became the perfect target for The Hunger to possess. Over time, she becomes little more than an Empty Shell, completely cowed to The Hunger.
Appearance: Daria looks like a fairly regular 30 year-old white mom, if one clearly going through withdrawal. The Hunger herself is only visible in the ether. The Hunger prefers the form of a Humanoid Abomination. Her arms stretch to her feet, and her frame looks like it belongs to someone who has been starving for months. She stands at nearly nine feet tall (though exact measurements of height in the ether may vary), and her hair is long, matted and eye-obscuring. Her mouth splits in half at the chin, making her look rather animalistic.
Abilities: The Hunger is an Extreme Omnivore. She can eat anything, from garbage to glass to ghosts. The only limit is the weight of the thing she's currently posessing; she can't eat more in a day than the mass of what she's using to interact with the physical world. She's also very strong; a mortal might think that Daria had telekinetic powers, but in reality this is just The Hunger using her reach and strength. Naturally, as a demon, she can possess people. She also has an intuitive knowledge of what people crave most, be that food, drink, drugs, etc.
Weaknesses: For various reasons, The Hunger currently refuses to possess anyone but Daria. There's also the aformentioned limit to her eating. As with all demons, she's severely harmed by weapons made of silver, and her true name can be used to summon or bind her to a place.
Goals: The usual. Eat good food. Help some kids. Spend some time with the family.
Motivations: As previously mentioned, she does have a genuine bond with her seven other sisters, and she really does want to help them with their loftier aspirations. She also wants to help out Daria O'Keefe's kids, as she has essentially taken over the mother job for Daria.
Role: She's a Punch-Clock Villain. She really would prefer to not be fighting these bratty college students or crazed ghosts, but she'll do it for her sisters. She also occasionally even gives key information to the protagonists to foil her family's plans when she recognizes that they'll be disastrous.
Relevant Tropes:
Friend to All Children: Surprisingly enough.
Big Sister Instinct: She tries.
Genius Bruiser: She has a great aptitude for planning, can read social situations well and is a good enough liar to be a Replacement Goldfish for the O'Keefe family. Justified; "Knowledge is also a craving."
Empty Shell: Daria.
Odd Couple: Had a brief romance with a "set of interlocking, constantly rotating rings covered in eyes."
Addled Addict: Played with. Hunger's domain also includes craving for drugs, but regular human stuff has no affect on her. She's really using them to keep Daria complacent.
More Teeth than the Osmond Family
Bizzare Taste In Food:"I don't really like beer, but it's worth it for the bottle."
Seven Deadly Sins: If you haven't already guessed, she's the Gluttony part of the trope.
Pet the Dog: She's a way better mother than Daria ever was. Being a demon does help with multi-tasking.
Blue-and-Orange Morality: Downplayed, but present. Sees nothing wrong with possessing Daria and replacing her as head of household.
Flower Motif: Opium Poppies
Name That Unfolds Like A Lotus Blossom
I Have Many Names: The Hunger That Swallows Hope Whole, The Famine That Walks, The Lady That Grows The Poppies, Thin Jenny, Gashadakuro, My Ex-Girlfriend...
True Name: ... but none of these are her real name.
Edited by Ichiel on Feb 1st 2019 at 8:01:13 AM
Hardly seems like a villain, apart from the possessing people. Without knowing any of the context for the story or her sisters, it's hard to give much more feedback than that.
Now here's one of mine. He's from a different series than my last two.
Name: Apep
Age: *ERROR DOES NOT COMPUTE*
Personality: Apep is smooth, cunning, manipulative, and patient.
Abilities: At full power, Apep can swallow planets whole. Even when not at full power, his venom allows him to inject shades of his essence into those he bites, enabling him to tempt them into doing what he wants by playing to their insecurities.
Weaknesses: He doesn't really "get" reality as we understand it. It took him several billion years to figure out what time was. As a being of chaos, he's also vulnerable to certain, more orderly forms of energy, such as electricity or the energy given off by ordonium.
Goals: Destroy the universe and all things associated with it.
Motivation: Apep is a being native to the Primordial Chaos from before the universe, and takes the existence of an ordered universe as a personal insult.
Role in the story: Greater-Scope Villain for much of it, before finally becoming the Big Bad.
Specifically, there were seven Primordial Chaos Spirits that dwelt in the chaotic nothingness that existed before existence. Don't think too hard about how that's possible, as mortal minds are not built to comprehend it. They were content in this quasi-existence, because they knew nothing else.
Then one day, the universe happened. Nobody's quite sure how, with even the gods giving conflicting accounts, but suddenly, there was...there just was. Most of the Chaos Spirits were confused, but Apep was enraged. How dare this universe intrude on his beautiful void? So he convinced the other Chaos Spirits that the only logical course of action was to tear the universe down at every conceivable level.
Unfortunately for them, by that point, the gods had come into being, and they didn't want to see the universe destroyed. They weren't strong enough to kill the Chaos Spirits, but they were able to drive them back and ultimately seal each one away. Apep held out the longest, fighting nearly every pantheon to a standstill until the day he engaged in a climactic duel with Ra. The fight nearly ended in Ra's death, until another god, Set, intervened. Set's lightning proved to be much more effective a weapon against Apep than Ra's fire, which gave Ra the chance to escape and assemble the rest of his pantheon. Together, they managed to seal the weakened Apep away, ending his rampage across the universe once and for all.
Or so it seemed. You see, during the fight, Apep bit Set and injected him with his venom. That venom carried a shade of Apep's essence, and that shade now resided within Set's body. From there, Apep was able to see into Set's mind and began picking at the nagging suspicions that Set already had with regards to his wife Nephthys' fidelity. Eventually, at Apep's urging, Set confronted Nephthys, who confessed that yes, she had had an affair with Set's brother Osiris, and that their son Anubis was the result of that affair.
Normally, this would have resulted in Set and Osiris having a falling out and not speaking to each other, but Apep encouraged him to take things a step further. Set tricked Osiris into getting into a sarcophagus, sealed the sarcophagus shut, cut it into pieces, and threw the pieces into the Nile river. The other gods were able to recover the pieces and revive Osiris, but Set had effectively renounced his allegiance to his pantheon, and swore to undo everything they had worked for.
By the time the story proper begins, Set has become fully aware that he's working to further Apep's goals, but has also become so corrupted by Apep's influence that he no longer cares.
Relevant Tropes:
- Animalistic Abomination: Apep is a Primordial Chaos Spirit, older than the universe and stronger than the gods, who just happens to resemble a titanic black snake.
- Black Speech / Brown Note: His default speech is depicted as a series of illegible symbols that causes the human protagonist, Michael, to start bleeding from the ears.
- Broad Strokes: The series as a whole takes this approach to world mythologies, with the in-universe explanation that the gods deliberately didn't let mortals learn the full truth to prevent anyone from trying to free the Chaos Spirits. With regards to Apep in particular, his nightly battle against Ra in the original myths is depicted here as a single occurrence.
- The Chessmaster: Having learned the hard way that the direct approach to destroying the universe is unlikely to work, he instead decides to manipulate his pawns into inducing enough paradoxes that the space-time continuum eats itself.
- The Corrupter: You'd best have a will of iron if you get bitten by Apep, because once his shade is inside you, he will find whatever buttons you have and push all of them to turn you into a tool in his plans. It's what happened to both Set and Sobek, and starts happening with Michael as well.
- Glowing Eyes of Doom: The one part of Apep that isn't pitch black is his glowing yellow eyes.
- Intelligible Unintelligible: Despite what his entry under Black Speech above says, Set and Sobek are able to understand him just fine, presumably because they're both infected with his Shade. Michael later gains the ability to understand spoken Primordial...after Apep bites him.
- Kryptonite Factor: Ordonium is a substance that is so alien to the universe that even the Chaos Spirits don't know where it came from. It gives off a type of energy that, when properly refined, is harmless to mortals, debilitating to gods, and lethal to Chaos Spirits. In his first appearance, Set and a weakened version of Apep that has managed to escape containment use an Ordonium ingot to power a machine intended to strip the Egyptian gods of their powers...which backfires when Michael tricks Apep into biting the machine's power source while it's active, destroying the version of him outside his prison.
- Manipulative Bastard: Yes, he is both this and a Chessmaster. Apep controls his pawns by exploiting their fears and insecurities, and is equally willing to do so with mortals, gods, and Chaos Spirits alike.
- Mix-and-Match Critters: It's subtle, since all the critters in question are snakes, but Apep has the body of a python, the head of a cobra, and the fangs of a pit viper.
- Omnicidal Maniac: Apep is offended by the very fact that anything exists at all
- Reptiles Are Abhorrent: Most of the Chaos Spirits have some reptilian traits, but Apep is the most obvious example out of all of them.
- Time Abyss: The reason Apep's age up there returned an error message? He is technically so old that he predates the existence of time, making assigning a numerical value to his true age impossible.
- Tranquil Fury: Apep's voice never rises above "stern talking-to," no matter how angry he is.
- Xanatos Gambit: Sending Krakka'a after Michael turns out to be this. If Krakka'a succeeds, Michael is dead, and the Egyptian pantheon has lost their champion (and Ra is too proud and stubborn to go find another one or ask the other pantheons for help, basically leaving Set unopposed). If Krakka'a fails, then the type fossil for Quetzalcoatlus will have died in the 21st century instead of the late Cretaceous, causing a paradox that will weaken the space-time continuum, as well as beginning Michael's corruption into another of his pawns.
Edited by apocalemur on Feb 1st 2019 at 11:26:08 AM
The problem with mythological villains is that, as they are created to serve as cosmological function (such as an embodiment of evil), there's rarely much room for any character beyond that.
I feel that way about your Apep. Beyond being the big evil villain, there isn't much about him to latch onto or take an interest in. So, unfortunately, I don't have much to say about him.
I do kind of like the idea of an embodiment of chaos who has difficulty grasping "orderly" concepts like time but that quirk probably isn't enough to make him an engaging villain.
I think the best way to give him a bit more character would be to make his relationships more dynamic. Like his enemy/underling relationship with Set could blossom into something interesting. Or perhaps give him a more personal reason to dislike Ra and Osiris. In fact, it could be very interesting if his involvement in the Set-Osiris affair was more the result of a personally hatred of Osiris.
So, anyways, I got a twofer villain thing that I've been working on. And note: these guys are very much a "work in progress" so any critiques or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Names: Armazun, Marcus Evans, the Baron of Stagnum Ignis, the Betrayer, the Earth-Beast
Real Name: Alexander Richtor
Age: Physically appears to be in his early 30's. Chronologically, he would be at least 500.
Personality: He is describe in the story as "ice masquerading as fire". He puts on a facade of being affable, extroverted and cheerful when in reality, he is a cold, calculating and sadistic.
Over the course of the story, the influence from a demon named Kakomalus Zun causes his calm persona to crumble, making him increasingly unstable and volatile. The worst part is that he's aware of this deterioration.
Abilities: A master magician and alchemist. He is also extremely knowledgeable when it comes to demonology and other occult mysticism. His "unique" physiology also makes him surprising strong and durable to a near superhuman level. Plus, as far as anyone can tell, he's immortal.
Weaknesses: Overconfidence mixed with his steadily declining sanity are his most notable weaknesses (assuming he was "sane" to begin with).
He's also not nearly as skilled a fighter as many of the heroes though he could, if need be, hold his own in a fight.
Goals: His goal is pretty clear: to free the demon Kakomalus Zun from its prison. Initially, he had also wanted to steal a macguffin artifact from Zun's prison which could, in theory, return him to his original human form. As Zun's influence over Armazun grew, this goal was abandoned.
Motivation: He's been through some rough stuff and he wants to, in some small way, reverse it. However, the result of Kakomalus Zun's influence over his mind/soul causes him to more-or-less forget this motivation.
Role in the story: The Heavy, Big Bad Wannabe
Backstory: Much of his history is fragmented and the reader only gets snippets of what happened to him in the past.
It is known that, some centuries ago, Alexander Richtor was an accomplished alchemist who obtained and experimented with the severed arm of a fallen angel. With this, he created a bizarre and unholy homonculus known as "Tusk".
As a result of Tusk's machinations, Alexander was Dragged Off to Hell by the hordes of the demon Kakomalus Zun. In this nightmarish netherworld, Alexander was used as food by the demons. They used their bizarre alchemy to give Alexander the ability to regenerate whenever some of his flesh was consumed. With each regeneration, Alexander gradually lost his "human scent" and was no longer seen as a meal for the demons. Over time, they accepted him as one of their own and, in time, he accepted that role. The demons taught him demonic magic and their devotion to their lost king, Kakomalus Zun.
Around twenty years before the story proper begins, the demons saw an opportunity with Alexander and managed to return him to the mortal world so he may free their king who is imprisoned in a prison on the mortal plane. Alexander, now called "Armazun" (which means "weapon of Zun"), accepted this mission in the hopes that he may return to his mortal life once he intentionally fails to free Zun.
Naturally, this is a very brief summary of his past but that's all the necessary information.
Relevant Tropes:
- Affably Evil: Despite being outright against the protagonists, he maintains an unwaveringly polite and friendly demeanor around them.
- Big Bad: More or less shares this role with Tusk for the first half of the story.
- Chessmaster: Orchestrates much of the plot for the first half of the story while getting all the characters in place. This was all part of a revenge plot against Tusk rather than freeing Zun or getting the macguffin in Zun's prison.
- Dark Messiah: his mission on the mortal plane is to free the king of demons. He gradually (and unwilling) comes to accept this role.
- Evil vs. Evil: his dynamic with fellow Big Bad Tusk
- Fate Worse than Death: Courtesy of Tusk, he is locked in an indestructible vault that is impossible to escape from.
- Humanoid Abomination: well, he was human at some point, anyways.
- Foil: To both the main character, John, and the other villain Tusk.
- John is a crass and reckless outlaw while Tusk is an obnoxious and narcissistic thief in contrast to Armazun's collected and affable mastermind personality.
- Manipulative Bastard: Plays this role. He rarely, if ever, engages the characters physically. Instead; he toys with them, feeding them information (sometimes true, most of the time false) and picking apart their weaknesses and insecurities.
- Motive Decay: Intentionally and forced.
- Smug Snake
- Wicked Cultured: He's apparently been spending the last twenty years reading as he demonstrates a wealth of knowledge in the fields of culture and history (as well as magic and other esoteric disciplines.
And some more meta-y tropes:
- Believing Their Own Lies:: He's convinced that he's a charming, manipulative mastermind. Really, he's not nearly as charismatic as he thinks. Everyone who interacts with him - even his "underlings" - either dislike him, distrust him or use him to accomplish their own goals. This proves to be his undoing.
- Butt-Monkey: In most of his scenes; he is either humiliated, manipulated, insulted or injured. He also earns absolutely no respect from anyone around him. Impressively, this never damages his cool exterior. He's likely willfully ignorant of it.
- Cosmic Plaything: Despite being built-up as a great manipulator, he gets played by nearly every other major character, particularly Kakomalus Zun and Tusk.
- Villain Sue: The idea behind his character, sort of. On paper, he's intended to have a lot of "ultra-powerful big bad" traits (cold and sadistic personality under a charismatic facade, wide array of magic powers, ancient age despite youthful physical appearance, etc.) but neither the story nor the characters recognize him as being a threat or being very important to what happens in the story. He's also "killed off" unceremoniously by the halfway point of the story.
Name: Kakomalus Zun
Age: Old
Personality: He only appears in two scenes so it's hard to say. From what little we see, he appears to be pretty cordial and patient. He also has a noticeable vindictive streak.
Abilities: Unknown but presumably he's devastatingly powerful.
Weaknesses: Again, unknown other than his lack of freedom.
Goals: To be freed from his prison.
Motivation: Once the universally feared Emperor of Hell, he's been stuck in a prison cell for thousands of years.
Role in the story: Greater-Scope Villain
Backstory: An incredibly ancient demon. Sometime within the span of 10,000 years, he asserted himself as Emperor of Hell and ruler of all demons. However, around 3,000 years ago, he was defeated and captured by a holy order of angelic knights and place inside a divine prison cell.
Relevant Tropes:
- Big Bad: Being the king of all demons and Emperor of Hell, he fits this role for the setting at large.
- Bigger Bad: For Armazun specifically
- The Devil Is a Loser
- The Dreaded
- Eldritch Abomination: He's never clearly seen by any of the characters but he's described as having a human-like mouth (with ten-foot-long teeth) and is at least 200 feet tall (or long) with a snake-like body with many appendages including both insect-like legs/feelers and tentacles.
- Enemy Mine: Once Amarzun is defeated by Tusk, Zun briefly allies with the heroes to defeat Tusk. He fails in trying to trap Tusk in his cell and then he's out of the story.
- Oh, Crap!: Let's out a brief "no..." of disbelief when he discovers that Armazun has failed and he'll continue being imprisoned indefinitely.
- "Reason You Suck" Speech: Attempts to give one to Tusk when the heroes trap him in Zun's prison cell. It backfires.
Edited by WSM on Feb 7th 2019 at 1:39:14 AM
mmm. I'm not sure how Armazun can come off as a Villain Sue if he isn't really overpowered to begin with. Depending on the actual characterization he could actually come as either a Generic Doomsday Villain or a very pathetic -and pittiable loser-. Zun on the other hand is not that interesting once he does something. The double subverted "Reason You Suck" Speech sounds interesting, but I think it's wasted on Zun, I don't think it'll have the pathos that could be had by having it happen to the character the audience has known the most.
You could perhaps take advantage of Armazun more. Maybe you could give him a Tragic Dream or something to humanize him -have him Pet the Dog or a Morality Pet-. Have him have some early success, and eventually force him into an Enemy Mine with the heroes against your true big bad. Then in a desperation moment, have him become an avatar for his master and relish on the power, then have him being the one trapped with Tusk, then have him in the receiving end of that breaking Speech -which is great- and then receiving that Fate Worse than Death after the Humilliation Conga Bonus points for Break the Haughty and maybe get an Alas, Poor Villain for someone who never stood a chance at anything.
_____________________
- Name: Melody
- Age: 24 - In essence, in truth she is closer to a Time Abyss by virtue of her imprisonment that lasted an Eternity.
- Personality: Haughty, with a sense of pride and superiority over everybody. She sees most common people as dirty peasants. However, when faced with someone she holds as her superior, or someone so pitiful and seeming as deserving of empathy and compassion, she mellows immediately. Truth is, behind her stuck up attitude, she is quite naive and trusting, even to the degree of being an idealist -for the given set of ideals she was brought with-.
- Abilities: She is a wielder of the gift, that allows her to turn music into physical effects. She is a good hand to hand combatant and is quite athletic. Additionally, by virtue of her imprisonment, she is not part of the soul continuum and as a result her actions are not part of cosmic destiny, so she has the power to defy fate and avoid detection by diviners and the entity of time and fate. This last thing makes her a terrific enemy.
- Weaknesses: She has no friends, allies or acquaintance, she is completely lost in our world, and while she has managed to piece the bigger picture, she is completely unprepared to deal with modern life and fit in society. She doesn't legally exist and has next to no resources.
- Goals: To "fix" the world, to restore things to the way she remembers. This involves basically rewriting history.
- Motivation: She wants to go home and marry her fiance, and if that involves destroying the world, so be it.
- Role in the story: Outside-Context Problem The Dragon
- Backstory: Born on a Golden Crib, she chosen as the bride to be for the then imperial heir. After being discovered as someone with the gift, she was trained in its use and put to good use in service of the Moon empire of Niberia. In this capacity, she joined a group of powerful allies to keep order and enforce justice across the empire. There she constantly got in confrontations and differences with a member named Cassandra Roman, a rogue female assassin that actively seeks to topple the empire.
One day, when dealing with an Apocalyptic Cult, she was trapped in a pocket dimension where time and space didn't make any sense with no hope of ever getting out, not even by dying, as the curse would last "until the current second starts over".
Inside, she suffered a terrible torture by the eternal isolation. However something happened, and somehow she was set free from it, only to find herself in the modern world, one with a drastically different history, one where the mighty empire she grew up in never was, one where technology and society are drastically different, one where she doesn't exist, and her beloved groom isn't the shadow of the man she remembers and fell in love with, being a humble businessman. The worst part, her despised rival exists, actually remembers the lost timeline and is hailed as a hero under the codename of Obsidian.
Ever since her first encounter with Obsidian and her group of teenage hero wannabes, she began to hide in the shadows, looking to subvert Obsidian's world and somehow recover her own. To the point she eventually allied with zombie mobster Undead Sinister in an effort to rewrite history and have her revenge on Obsidian who she blames for the changes in the timeline.
- Relevant Tropes: Fish out of Temporal Water And I Must Scream Fallen Princess Royals Who Do Something Break the Haughty / Break the Cutie
Edited by Kaitroper on Feb 10th 2019 at 9:01:21 AM

Nice faction to say the least. If I'm to be honest, I was always fond of 'evil' factions in strategy games (Brotherhood of Nod, House Harkonnen, Soviets, GLA, etc.) [Two guesses what is my favorite game franchise]. I would've said more about The Kingdom of Old Gods, but I don't know what else to say. If I had a unit roster, then maybe?
Anyway, I want to present you the antagonist for the Shin Megami Tensei / High School D×D crossover I had in mind. A Dark Summoner and secretly a follower of the Divine Powers, Sorin!
He loathes those from Kuzunoha clan and those allied with them. Being affiliated with anyone from Kuzunoha clan is a reason enough to kill them. He cares little for Chaos and Law factions, as he sees them as insignificant bugs compared to the Divine Powers.
Like with all of my characters, that not ALL of the tropes for the character. Tell me what do you think of him. Btw, my next character will be Xerxes for the Five Bad Band for the Trapped in Another World story. I will become a great writer one day! Hopefully...