@Amber: What's keeping Saloth from just telling Sisyphus what his weakness is, and that he needs to fix it or work around it? The Kid with the Leash here should have some say in their relationship; otherwise, why mention it? Sisyphus' weakness is unstoppable arrogance - Pride - and family ties; an effective villain character will be forced to work around these or be relegated to being a joke, especially if someone else knows them. Would an illusion of his son and wife rutting together drive him into a rage - and what mistakes, if any, would that cause him to make?
Sisyphus' motivations and goals are one-dimensional, and can be accomplished without freeing himself from Saloth with enough planning. (His real motivation is independence.) Also, has he already forgotten the influence of his late wife?
If his role in the story is only to serve as a Satellite Character to Sargon, it needs expanding. Surely someone else has heard of him, if he's as sociopathic as you say, even influenced by him? That'd be a good reason to resurrect him in the first place: "You may have an army, but I have a Sisyphus."
He'd be an ineffective Dragon if he's revived and then acts exactly as he used to; Sargon shouldn't be able to say "if I know my dad..." when dealing with one of his plans.
@fearjunkie: So, if Thomas drinks the blood of a normal human (just to stay alive after a week-long drought, for example, or force-fed it during a confrontation), he's depowered? It sounds like he's normally non-powered until he drinks super blood... do the effects stack? I don't think it's necessary to write up a long critique of a character that's specifically a Starter Villain, and he doesn't need to have much more characterization than this unless the story will focus on him. Looks good so far!
But... what happens when he gets a long-term goal?
EDIT: Also! Post #777! Yay! Lucky number Sgt. Nicholas Angel.
edited 10th Sep '15 12:55:43 PM by DeusDenuo
@fearjunkie - generally, I like the entire concept, albeit I think his part in the story should be bigger. I understand that he's supposed to be 'first test' of your characters in field, but I think it would be good if he would somehow lead them onto the greater plot. The part about him collecting blood in labeled bottles seems like an interesting plot device - it could make for a creepy scene if your (powered, I assume) characters were to enter his lair and find all this blood of people just like them.
@Lewis, I see what you're doing, but I don't think he's that close to Villain Sue. IMO, the problem with Villain Sues is that they're way out of heroes' league and only Deus ex Machina could save the world, while it's clear that Lucian fails from time to time. If you'd rather keep this particular flaw, though, perhaps make the "This Cannot Be!" tendency a gradually growing thing? Something like this: first time, he's mildly surprised, but adjusts his plans around it; second, he gets distressed; third, he has a full-on This Cannot Be!.
Also, if you'd keep his genius through his breakdown, he'd make for one creepy villain.
Rejoice!
The future of warfare in UC.
It's a two-way street, Nick. If I come off as harsh, and I do, it's because of that. You've done other profiles in this thread that are considerably more substantive. Pretty sure I've commented on them, so your charge is baseless on its surface.
The fact you have a worldbuilding thread elsewhere doesn't remove from you the simple courtesy obligation of either dumbing it down or explaining so that those of us who are here can conduct a proper evaluation.
I can dress the commentary on terminology up in prettier words if you want but the problem is still that it's lacking any subtlety. Killgrave, for example. That's got all the subtlety of a brick to the face. "Lord of Eclipse" as a title, absent some worldbuilding reason to make it plausible, screams "I'M A BAD GUY". There are several points in your description where it reads like he's deliberately embracing things regarded as evil. (Or there are typos, which is what I assumed until the third time.)
The result is rather cartoonish. I don't think your target was Saturday Morning, from the rest of what you said, but maybe I'm wrong.
edited 10th Sep '15 5:35:20 PM by Night
Nous restons ici.
@Nick the Swing
Now that you've commented on someone else, let me comment on yours.
I think that Kalvin's abilities are good, and that his obsessive interest in beauty is an interesting personality quirk. That said, skimming the description of him, and some of the dialogue you've included, I am getting something of a Card-Carrying Villain vibe off of him, and I'm not entirely sure, based on other things in the description, and other characters you've posted, that this is what you're going for. I get that you want to shock the audience with the depths he'll sink to, but at points the list does just read like a list of all the evil tropes.
Now that said, I do think the character has potential. A badly-disfigured man who is obsessed with beauty? That's a psychological gold mine and you could do a lot with it. I think that if you delve more into the backstory you've sketched out, you could really have something here.
@Lewis Liddell
The trope for "playing nice when everyone already knows you're a dick" would be Faux Affably Evil. In any case, your elaboration in this post clears things up a bit. If I understand correctly, you're going for a character whom everybody knows is a bastard, but who is in a position that forces them to deal with him anyway? Because that's fine, and eliminates a lot of the concerns that I was having.
I might ditch the Red Eyes, Take Warning part. There's nothing wrong with giving him a visible mark of corruption given that it's a fantasy setting, but something a touch less overdone might not be a bad idea.
Thanks for the feedback on Sisyphus. At the moment I am leaning towards bringing him back, for exactly the reasons you mention. Also because the flashbacks featuring him have been fun to write.
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
, I admit I was working on some other projects for my college creative writing class, so possibly some stuff didn't make it into Kalvin's profile and resulted in a less than substantive profile even if I remembered putting it in due to working rather late on a project.
I'd meant to expand on his philosophy, namely, that the "new aristocrats" are people who have full choice of what they intend to do, regardless whether society dubs what they do good or evil. As he puts it, "good and evil, to the powerful, are little more than transitory labels". Hence, he does some things knowing damn well "this looks evil" or "this is probably bad", but does it all anyway just because he believes it is his right as part of the "true upper class" to choose to do horribly wrong / "evil" things to his fellow man if it makes him feel happy.
Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.
Serocco
If you want to give him an Evil Aristocrat flair, flesh out how much he hates the lower classes (like believing poverty is a mental disorder or something) or something. Make him more.... believable, so he can be more menacing.
- Name: Cethyr (concept for Eclipse).
- Summary: Cethyr is an enigmatic woman with numerous ties to the criminal underworld. Compelling and consorting with some of the most unsavory figures in society, Cethyr seeks to topple the Balance of Power and replace the current world order, however means necessary.
- Appearance: Her design is based off Cinder Fall from RWBY, Lust from Fullmetal Alchemist, and Asami Sato from Legend Of Korra.
- Personality: Soft spoken and charming, Cethyr is affable and sultry, but deadly, with an anger switch best described as Tranquil Fury (she rarely loses her composure). As a criminal herself, she is ruthless, manipulative, and ever secretive, preferring to keep to herself as she maneuvers on the field. She is ironically friendlier to her enemies more than her allies, although that is not to be confused with mercy. She is ambitious, believing that "you need to be the change you want to see in the world," and rejects the current world order as unsustainable for life as a whole. She designates Chess Motifs towards her allies and enemies, and considers herself to be the Black Knight.
- Backstory and Motive: As an Aurier - a unique Aura User who is not part of any caste - she never fit in with anyone, and was unable to truly connect with people. This caused to her regarding most people with suspicion, indifference, or disdain. She longs for a world where people are not stratified by caste (or cadres as they are called here), and wants to create a classless society that does away with the state and its steward. She cites main character Alice Sitchri as her inspiration, although she only knows of Alice as an urban legend. She likens Alice as a bogeyman meant to keep the stateless in line, and uses commonly cited images of her as symbols for revolution.
- Abilities: A unique Aura User, Cethyr produces weapons from her skin, which materializes as thick boney scales when she is in combat. Her Aura manifests in those scales, which give her a strange exoskeleton comparable to patches of armor.
- Role: She is one of many who seek to disrupt the Balance of Power, and supervises an underworld that sees Alice as the perfect super weapon against their enemies.
edited 16th Sep '15 7:40:59 AM by Serocco
In RWBY, every girl is Best Girl.
Cythyr is quite interesting, and having your protagonist being her role model is a fascinating concept. I wouldn't make her friendlier with her enemies than allies, though - they're the ones who embody the very system that made her an outcast, after all. I think she'd treat them more similar to how she treats others, per what you described in her backstory.
Alright, let's put my Big Bad. I... may have succumbed to graphomania.
Name: Crimson Queen/The Mother/Ra'Deusca/Calli Asporille/Lady Radiant/...
Age: Several million years
Appearance: When hidden, she has body of a young, quite pretty woman; her true form is a giant, undescribable abomination radiating red light.
Personality: Ra'Deusca considers herself to be a force of nature and her victory something impossible to stop. She does, however, realize that those who stand in her way think otherwise, so she's patient and makes plans for decades ahead in order for the "scourge" to be as smooth and effective as possible. For her, her demon children are her servants and she expect nothing less than absolute loyalty from them, punishing them harshy if they don't match her expectations. She enjoys manipulating people and prefers to try this first before comitting her powers - she's sure that she can wrap anyone around her finger. She believes herself to be very much above mortals and mocks their naivete.
Abilities: Ra'Deusca can create demons and manipulate those who come within range of several kilometers from her and haven't been cleansed from her influence (a very rare feat). If a human being agrees to it, she can Warp them, bringing out the worst out of them, binding them to her will and turning them into unnatural (and unstable) shape she wants them to be in. In her true form, she's a giant monstrosity with great strength and brute magical force.note
Weaknesses: Tries to manipulate people into doing her bidding even when it seems like a lost cause. In the World of the Living, she can utilize only a small fraction of her true form's power and her existence depends on her being "rooted" in her homelands deep in the Spirit World. Wary of two other Scourges and perhaps too focused on threat that may come from their quarter.
Goals: To dominate over the World of the Living and control everything that happens in both planes.
Motivation: Desire to remove the only thing that would be capable of "unrooting" her (humans); need to control her demon "children"; animalistic need to ensure that she's the only capable force on the playing field.
Role in the story: The Big Bad, The Corrupter for The Dragon and (attempted) for the Anti Anti Christ character.
Backstory: Ra'Deusca formed in the deepest layers of the Spirit World and soon begun bringing into existence demons which has since then populated vast majority of the Spirit World. Her first attempt at taking charge of entire Spirit World and moving on the the World of the Living was opposed by two other Scourges, whose powers were tied to both of those realms, and she was put to long sleep. She begun to awake several million years later, when the other Scourges were reborn as people, memory-less and largely devoid of their powers, and recognized humans to be a threat for her, deciding soon thereafter that she needs to remove them. To this extent, she stole the soul of Calli Asporille and used it to possess her and pretend to be the new avatar of a local deity, gathering her forces and Warping them for eventual war.
Relevant tropes: I Have Many Names, Eldritch Abomination, Humanoid Abomination, Mother of a Thousand Young, Blue-and-Orange Morality, The Corrupter, Manipulative Bastard, God Guise, Mind Control, Big Bad
Rejoice!
I'm Ruthless.
Undescribable? That is hard to understand. She is like a Brown Note to those see her true form or something? I also don't understand how she have Blue-and-Orange Morality and be The Corrupter, but if she's a Made of Evil Abomination, maybe it makes sense, as she would have a hard time understand something she don't have in her.
Well, let's try this again.
Name: Antigone,The Old Hag with a Scythe, Agnis.
Age: 523.
Appearance: She have two forms. One is a midget,redhead, old woman, with orange skin, and skeletal hands, wearing a white hood and cloak, carrying Isis, her battle scythe, on her back, that's much bigger than her. Her eyes are normally shut but, if open, they are completely red, even the ocular globe.
Her second form is a traditional Grim Reaper, taller and skeletal, but without legs, able to float. Yet, she still have eyes on this form. Normal, amber eyes. And there's cold mist coming out of her jaws.
Personality: Antigone is always jovial, asking enthusiastically about who are the heroes, why they're here, and how "funny" are their faces and clothes. That joy is still on her face when she draws a simple line on the ground and says that if someone trepasses it, it will die.
She cares about Cain, and asks if his nightmares are getting worse with time, and offers to try to heal him with Isis.
However, she also have an special glee in seeing Uriel crying after she is tortured.
In Reaper form ,however she goes totally insane, screaming to his victims to "Die,die,die!" and "Suffer,suffer,suffer!", to the point of annoyance.
Finally, when she becomes Agnis, the only thing she utters is a slow "Mercy...", before every attack.
Abilities: As an old woman, Antigone can create fire, mostly to protect herself and to launch projectiles at long distance, since the fireballs create too big explosions to be safe to launch them at short-range.
As a reaper, she attacks with her scythe in incredible speed, floating in the air. If her hood is cut, it will liberate a freezing cold mist.
Isis's own abilities are healing and and making plant life grow.
When Antigone decides to work with Isis, becoming Agnis, she gains moth-like yellow wings, becoming even more annoyingly faster, and the blade of the scythe stays permanently on fire, and she even able to generate fire tornados by moving the blade of the scythe upwards.
Weaknesses: Obviously, all her fire attacks are weaker to water. Also, after a scythe attack her defense is left wide open from one of the sides(she is ambidextrous), but the only weak point is her skull, and that one takes several strong hits to break.
Isis in itself is weak to darkness attacks.
Goals: The first is to kill as much heroes she can, as she admits she can't kill all of them. Second, give Isis to Surt so he can kill Azrael, setting not only Satan free as breaking the boundaries between life and afterlife.
Motivation: Her sole drive is Undying Loyalty to her creator, Cain.
Role In The Story: She is one of Cain's Co-Dragons. Isis is also the magical weapon that Surt will use to kill Azrael, and only along with him she can do it, so destroying her weapon is also a crucial objective.
She uses Isis's healing powers to cure Uriel before she is tortured again and again, and feeds her using the fruit of the plants that Isis make it grow.
Backstory: Antigone was created by Cain to be his personal servant and also as, ahn,something good to look. To Cain's annoyance, he discovered his homunculus aged, thanks to his inexperience in doing magic. Cain didn't stop on her though, trying to improve, and soon enough they were a "family" of 13.
Finally, in his 13th homunculus, Marie, Cain became satisfied with his work, and ordered the rest to "kill themselves". Antigone, however, understood that as "killing each other until there's only one", that greatly amused Cain.
He used the corpses of the dead homunculus to create Isis, and used a spell to make it absorb Antigone's remaining youth, turning her into a old woman unable to die naturally because technically she haven't "wasted her youth", and giving Isis life, though an incomplete one, with the memories of the dead homunculus in her 'body" tormenting her mind to no end.
Finally, he sealed off Antigone and Isis, and waited until he could find a use for them.
Centuries later, Cain unsealed her off to help him in holding The 50 before Surt is born of Uriel's womb. Antigone gladly takes her role in the conflict.
Relevant Tropes:
The Ageless:Permanently locked in old age. She can be still killed, though.
Badass Boast: "Through me, even death will fear death!"
Cessation of Existence:"I am not unlike a mechanical servant. Once I break, there's no reincarnation, no judgement, no anything. I will be gone forever, only in the memories of you mortals and of my dear,dear,dear,friend Cain."
Evil Old Folks: Though the concept of age barely applies to her, as she is pratically a robot made of flesh.
The Grim Reaper: Not the genuine article, and in fact she is working to kill death, but see Badass Boast.
Lackof Empathy: She doesn't understand why her weapon weeps.
Madness Mantra: Mercy,mercy,mercy...
Undying Loyalty: To Cain, and in fact she lacks the understanding of evil and good. There's only one purpose for her life, and is to satisfy Cain.
edited 27th Sep '15 6:13:11 AM by MeetTheNewBoss
You claim that God is opressing us, but I see you opressing others without needing a God.
Interesting character, and with potential to be creepy. The only thing that rather worries me is this "Die,die,die!" and "Suffer,suffer,suffer!" part. It looks like prime Narm fuel.
Regarding your commentary on my character, I couldn't find the trope for underscribable, but I have it now - Design Student's Orgasm, that's what she looks like in true form. And making her Made of Evil seems like a good idea, given what you said. Generally - thank you!
Rejoice!
Swordofknowledge
An interesting character. I have to wonder if her name is is intentional considering that she shares some similarities with the Antigone of the tragic play (being sealed away while still alive, and such). As for her relationship with Cain, I'm surprised that she tolerates him; it seems that he treats her as a possession without any real fondness or tender emotions. That said, is her loyalty to him something she genuinely feels or is it merely a part of her creation? Antigone's power-set is certainly formidable, and you've added a terrifying appearance to the mix.
The World's Least Powerful Man
Agnis sounds like Death from Castle Vania. I'm not sure if that was intentional. The description "annoyingly fast" makes it sound like he PC has to keep dodging and attacking or get run over.
- Name: The Toymaker
- Age: 345
- Appearance: Unlike the other Revenants, who tend towards Animated Armor, the Toymaker has a lot more flesh on him-although he's still got a lot of metal too. Imagine the leavings of a butcher shop welded to a metal skeleton with surgical equipment for hands and a meat grinder for a face.
- Personality: A sociopathic Mad Scientist who acts like Patch Adams.
- Abilities: He can eat bits of metal and scraps of corpses and internally fashion them into machines.
- Weaknesses: Unlike the Prince or Dullahan, he has to worry about his body rusting or rotting. Water, especially dirty water, is a mortal (Immortal? Undead, certainly) terror to him.
- Motivation: For Science!; Loves the Sound of Screaming
- Goal: Ostensibly, he supports the Prince's mission of human rights; he finds he enjoys cutting people too much.
- Backstory: Long ago, the man the Toymaker was made wonderfully clever clockwork toys. A mechanical genius with a heart of gold and a soft spot for children. What he is now is a horrific, twisted mutation of the man who thought that an army of robotic soldiers would be a poor substitute for the look on a child's face when they got one of his toys...
- Tropes:
- Cyborg
- The Dark Side Will Make You Forget
- Faux Affably Evil: Greatly enjoys vivisecting people and fusing their agonized musculature and nervous system into machinery, but he keeps a pleasant bedside manner throughout.
- Industrialized Evil/Nightmarish Factory: Proposed a system of having petty criminals organ-harvesting felons for use in his devices. It works pretty good.
- Known Only by Their Nickname: Even I don't know his old name.
- Machine Monotone: speaks with a vocoder to get around his unique mouth.
- Mad Scientist
- Magitek: Responsible for the Dawn's Necro-Tech devices (Necro-Tech is a fusion of undead tissue, metal, and dark sorcery).
- Nightmare Face: Two glowing red eyes surmounting a meat-grinding engine with a bunch of little scalpel-chelicerae to feed scraps into it.
- Nightmare Fetishist
- What Could Have Been: Originally, his gentle nature was going to carry over into undeath; he'd have been used to humanize the revenants a little.
edited 17th Oct '15 1:53:52 AM by dvorak
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
There's the beginning of a good villain here, but there are a lot of blanks. How did he go from a kindly toy maker to a sadistic killer? Also, why did you decide to go with this idea rather than the one under What Could Have Been?
The World's Least Powerful Man
That is a very good question. I must think about it.
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
The Exia is my waifu
He an his powerset seems good enough, although I have to echo Nick The Swing's critique that there are a bunch of gaps. Why is he transformed into a murderous cyborg? Why did that make him forget?
- Name: "Slyde"
- Appearance: Here. Or, lanky, white hair, glasses.
- Age: Your guess is as good as mine.
- Personality: "Slyde" is a guy who just want to life his life to the fullest. Unfortunately, his idea of fun involves inflicting mayhem, death, and inflicting trauma's, preferably all three of them at the same time. "Slyde" doesn't have any knowledge of morality any deeper than a two-year old has, which allows him to do some very horrible things without any regret.
- Abilities: Although he starts out as a villain slightly larger a threat than the usual COGS users, "Slyde" constantly gains upgrades at the same rate (or even faster) than our heroes, thereby averting Can't Catch Up. Besides that, Slyde somehow has complete and utter mastery of combat and tactics, which, combined with a GEAR and no ounce of morality at all, means that he's pretty much a unstoppable juggernaut.
- Weaknesses: "Slyde" could be an humongous threat to all sides of the conflict if he ever applied himself. Fortunately, he doesn't; he prefers to just mess with ALL of them. This doesn't earn him much respect amongst the factions, who all have the policy to stop mid-combat just to get a shot at him.
- Goals: Have as much fun as possible by causing as much havoc as possible.
- Motivation: For the Lulz, with a side dish of For the Evulz.
- Role in the story: Wild Card.
- Backstory: Some say he was made to be the perfect soldier, but something went wrong in the process, making him mad. Some said he was a normal civilian before becoming Drunk with Power on his GEAR. Some say he's a force of nature, willing to demolish everything. All we know is, he's called "Slyde."
- Relevant tropes:
- 0% Approval Rating: EVERYBODY HATES HIM. Hell, even the MegaCorp who supplied him with his GEAR in the first place didn't trust him at all, and prepared failsaves just in case he went rogue.
- Brilliant, but Lazy
- But for Me, It Was Tuesday: Hoo boy. Half of the story's misery and problems was caused by him, and he never, ever, ever, remembers it.
- Can't Catch Up / Villain Forgot to Level Grind: AVERTED. He 'seemingly' started out as a Monster of the Week, and goes up from there.
- Card-Carrying Villain
- Complete Monster: No shit, Sherlock.
- Ignorance Is Bliss: In this case, he keeps himself ignorant of morality so that he doesn't regret his actions later on
- Jerkass: Doesn't even bother with fake pleasantries.
- Hate Sink: He's the only unabashedly evil character in a story running on White and Gray Morality, of 'course' he's meant to be hated!
- Good Powers Bad People: Golden Saint. It's powerset favors nonlethal K Os. It's also wielded by, y'know, "Slyde"
- Multiform Balance: Jack of All Stats(Base Augments (Driveless)), Lightning Bruiser (GoldenSaint Drive), Fragile Speedster Up To Eleven (RivenHourglass Drive), Mage Killer / Super Mode (BoundlessVoid Drive)
- Smug Super
- Straw Nihilist: He follows Nietzsche's philosophy despite him not even have read any of his works and only knowing several of its tenets. This gets mocked by some characters.
- Wrong Genre Savvy; He thinks that he's in an dark Toku deconstruction like Faiz or Gaim, and that he'll be the Ensemble Dark Horse who doesn't give a shit about morality. He's actually in a reconstruction, and an Hate Sink for everybody In-Universe.
edited 11th Oct '15 12:31:36 AM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
Shin Megami Tensei IV
Damn guy....damn guy... ![[tup]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Thumbs_up_emoticon_3268.png "[thumb up]"){kind=small}
. Oh, if the experiment make him crazy he cannot be a Complete Monster.
This a female villain for my proyect. Yoshino, the girl who talked in page 30...is in a rewritten. She is gonna change her role of the story or just i gonna delete her. I have my reasons (I tried become she a female Complete Monster but she is not close to the Big Bad in evilness. I tried to become Yoshino more awful but all the attemps ended in Grimderp-ness).
Ok, is time to meet her: Joselyn Juji.
Name: Joselyn Juji. AKA: The Green Princess.
Age: 18-19
Appareance: Black Hair with green tints. She is atletical with a attractive breast.
Backstory (This is actually the biggest thing who you need for know her): She is the daughter of General Hisao, the leader of the army of Bachilea deffence. She was raised by her father to follow his steps, the problem?. Hisao is a actually a sexist asshole but he love his daughter so much who he eventually don't care for the genre of Joselyn...sort of. He learned Joselyn who the housewives are "beautiful womans but who never deserve power" and if a woman must archive her goals they "must give up parts of their femininity". Yes, Hisao share Yoshiyuki Tomino gender existentialist ideas. What a asshole. Joselyn learn of him and eventually become into the imphamous Misogynous Woman. A woman who share lots, and lots of sexist points of view with lots of Stay in the Kitchen moments, unless you "despise the natural weakness of women". If you make it she take you like a member of her Valkyrie's Squads, formed only of "true womens". She ended like the commander of the coup of her father against "the weak politics and the cowards mediums" (Hey, both are The Dark Knight Returns fans). She is accomplice of many of massacres and murders. She is a awful woman, even is if because her raising she is a awful woman who don't want any "redemption" because she belief who she is making the right things all the way. Even burning Churchs with people inside feels "right" to her. She is a Hate Sink for every hero in the story.
Role in the Story: She is The Dragon to her father, who is the Big Bad of the first Story Arc. Joselyn is The Heavy and has a biggest presence in the plot than her dad.
Goals: Help her dad, destroy "the wimpy and decadent society", make a better world in where the masculinity came back.
Abilities: Joselyn is a user of PSI, she can create power cords made of Psychic Powers to capture and/or cut her oponents. She also has a "Green Geme". She can create estructures of energy like shields and wall. Her favorite use is create a Green Sword, who she name Katherine (In memory of her mother). She is very skillful with martial arts too.
Weakness: She can be beaten by pure strenght and enought energy. With help even a novice Squishy Wizard like The Hero Brandon [1]
can defeat her (but that was hard...).
Motivation: Love of her father and his ideology. Hate for the society.
Lack of time to put the Tropes here–———-
edited 11th Oct '15 6:29:48 PM by KazuyaProta
Watch me destroying my country
Interesting character. As a Hate Sink, Joselyn will certainly work, but there are some contradictions. If she despises "natural weakness of women", why a legion of "true women" and called it after women which were both feminine (for their society) and warrior-like? And I don't think that, mysogonist as she is, she'd name a sword after her mother.
I'm curious as to how she feels, hating women while being one. Does she hate herself? Would pointing out her feminity in any way be her Berserk Button?
Rejoice!
Shin Megami Tensei IV
Oh..she believe who are only one true way to be a "true woman": Being a badass, but you cannot be a tomboy. You have to has a equilibrium of feminity and badassery (in the manly way. She has the mind of one of those wackos who you found into Youtube commentaries of series like Jo Jo or Hokuto No Ken). If you ask why she is so contradictory...well, she is based into a real girl. A girl who i met into a Berserk Fanpage. Probably i gonna ask her more about her feelings but when a girl start calling you: Weak excuse of men while screaming how the popularity of Kirito and Kira Yamato in Japan is "killing the nation" and only "manly" anime heroes like Guts and Kenshiro can show "the real way of the world works" to Japan teens...talk with that girl was a interesting experience, but not one who i want repeat.
Joselyn want create a world in where all the people follow her valor system of "masculinity". Woman included. The contradiction born because nobody can follow her system. The womans are too different and mens too. She just can accept that but...in the end she know who even her cannot follow her own system.
Joselyn actually is pretty tomboy-ish. She use pants and she have good firsts (she can beat a boxeators. She even can fight equal to equal against her dad, who is one of the cantidadates for World's Strongest Man).
She hate herself...she tried to get her own standart but she always fails. I gonna show a resume of her ideology:
-A "fake woman" is a woman who is just worried for being pretty and have childrens. They cannot fight well and just serve to have childrens. Nice but useful.
-A "true woman" is one who destroy the break of society and choose her own way of live her life (choose her own way actually mean: She follow my ideas and hate all the fake womans like me). They can rule the world like the real man.
Her ideas are filled with no senseless and that is the motive why she is so angry and bitter. Basically every female heroine give her a "The Reason You Suck" Speech in some time. The biggest is for a Pop Singer (i tried to give her a name, i don´t know what) who she hate because "she is only worried for being and sing cute". The issue for Joselyn is who that Pop Singer who she hate so...actually meet many of the requesites for a true woman. -That pop singer has a good self esteem -She is a Determinator who don't give up to Joselyn and Hisao coup d´ state. -She has people follow her because is the right thing. (Yes, she is a Lacus Clyne expy)
She is a good woman who make all who she can for her belief. She is Not So Different than Joselyn herself. Aside who that Pop Singer is more emotionally stable. Oh Joselyn you hate someone who you actually wanna be...
Joselyn just break up and tried to kill that Pop Singer, she fails in that but she give that poor girl a lot of injuries. Joselyn should be in a psychiatric hospital, not in charge for a army.
Joselyn eventually end like the Arch-Enemy of the main character Brandon because they are too diferent. In the end is because they was raising in very different ways.
Bran was raised by two loving parents, but specially his mother. That eventually make Bran too delicate and sensible (plus who Bran has a bit of sensorial issues).
They are too diferent. Also, i feel happy to avoid and screw all the chances of Foe Yay between the two.
edited 12th Oct '15 4:06:39 PM by KazuyaProta
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Now that you elaborated, it does indeed make sense. Joselyn certainly does have a lot of self-hatred going here, and her motives being so contradictory as a plot point sounds really good.
If you ask why she is so contradictory...well, she is based into a real girl.
Wow. Please excuse me while I'm having a little Reality Is Unrealistic moment...
Rejoice!
Shin Megami Tensei IV
Talking with that girl make me undestand who the crazy wackos in certain groups aren't so cartoonish like i think.
Seriosly. That make me feeling fear.
Hey, look this comment in Youtube about Naruto and Hokuto No Ken.
Years before i gonna believe who that guy was trolling...after meet that girl...i am not sure.
Tropers/dvorak : I join to the list of people who want to know why The Toymaker become into a sick bastard. Wait? He act like Patch Adams...wut?. Sound cool but...why?
edited 12th Oct '15 2:10:12 PM by KazuyaProta
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The World's Least Powerful Man
Patch Adams is an advocate of alternative medicine; subscribing to the idea that keeping a patient in high spirits and good humor helps in their recovery.
As for why he's the way he is, the Doylist reason is I needed a way to get Necro-Tech into the story and rejiggered a character I had shelved. The Watsonian reason is The Dark Side Will Make You Forget crossed with Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior! (300+ years old). All the revenants started out as ok people; and gradually became Jerkass if not outright villainous. The Toymaker took a flying leap off the slippery slope.
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
Shin Megami Tensei IV
Wow...interesting. So...what is the entire backstory of The Toymaker?
PD: I don't gonna put tropes into the villains who write here. Is too long and i have little time and patience.
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Shin Megami Tensei IV
Well...if someone want know more of Joselyn, please feel free to ask (she is one of my favorite villains created for me). Now is time to present someone related to her, her father: Hisao.
Name: Hisao Juji.
Age: Around 45.
Appareance: A atletican man with muscles, a few wrinkels in his face, a Lantern Jaw of Justice. Think in anime heroes of The '80s and you give a idea.
Backstory: (Again, this is the real deal): He was The Hero of Bachilea. He defend the city against criminals (who in that epoch was lots of murderers, rapist and other psychos). He normally kill them in gruesome ways and nobody complain -thanks to a In-Universe Values Dissonance- He belief who he is making the right thing all along. He eventually lost his prestige and ended like a respected figure in the millitary -In Bachilea, the millitary and the police are a only organization- He eventually end disapointed of the society and the world. Filled with burocracy. He lead a politic partide who promise: Get Back To the Good Old Days. The issue?. Nobody support him. Because Bachilea past...kinda sucked. He is a Knight Templar who belief who the modern world is killing the natural instints of mankind. He is a asshole sexist who belief who the womans are mostly unnatural to war and fight. He has a Break and he choice who the only way to "stop the corruption" is taking over the city. He has a coup d´ state and take Bachilea for four days. Days in where he turn Bachilea into a awful dictatorship with many conflict in everywhere. While he look and execute his enemies.
Role in the Story: Big Bad for the first Story Arc. But her daughter has more pressence than him.
Goals: Back the world to the Ye Goode Olde Days.
Abilities: Super-Strength, He also can use the pressure point in the body of a person (Yes, he is a User of The Hokuto No Ken).
Weakness: No one, maybe his Honor Before Reason behavior but he is damn skilled. He just can be killed with the help of one of the World's Strongest Man, The Lancer and The Big Guy. After he is tired for his fight against other World's Strongest Man.
Motivation: A desire for "fix the world".
If you want know more of him, feel free for ask.
edited 16th Oct '15 6:43:07 AM by KazuyaProta
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Swordofknowledge
Hisao is an interesting character. He doesn't really seem that bad; simply like a man who is stuck in his ways, and wants to drag the world back to a time he views as "perfect"—whether he has to do it kicking and screaming doesn't really matter to him, lol. I find it telling somewhat of his personality that he resembles the typical 80s anime hero, since again, he isn't really evil, just a really out-of-control Knight Templar.
Then again he is a bad guy and his sexism and strangely luddite ways give the reader/viewer a good amount of disgust for his actions, which is appropriate for his role. I'm interested to see what role his daughter plays (if you haven't posted her already), since you said she has a far more potent in the story than he does. I'm curious if he values her at all in his plans, since you said he's a firm believer in Stay in the Kitchen.
(It's a shame you don't put tropes for him, since I feel it adds to the story, and I would have liked to see how he fits in the tale. But it's your choice. I hoped this critique helped.)
"Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake." —Edgar Wallace
Shin Megami Tensei IV
Post 800!
He is one my favorite villain who i write. Her daughter is Joselyn, you can read of her too. Yes, he valore his daughter, he is pretty Hypocrite ocassionally.
Like a Youtube commentary say about Zod in Man of Steel.
-Is called hypocresy, is common in aspirants to dictadors.
The second line is a good way to define many Hisao's actions.
edited 17th Oct '15 1:31:00 PM by KazuyaProta
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@Kakai: Thank you very much for your critique :>
I understand what you're saying, but the thing is, that I am afraid of creating a Villain Sue when I make him too calm and collected. That is the reason why I gave him this very obvious flaw in order to "balance" him out a bit. Perhaps I also overstated his tendency for This Cannot Be! as he only experiences this at three times in the story (getting betrayed at very crucial points, all of which drive him further and further into a Villainous Breakdown). But if you have a better alternative to this I would be very interested in hearing it.
_ _ _
@NickTheSwing: Thank you for your nice words. I am glad to hear that Lucian comes off this way. I may have made it to obvious with the name, but he is in fact supposed to be a sort of "Devil"-like Manipulator.
As for your own character, I really like him, though because I'm not acquainted with the world your story takes place in there are a few points that are a bit unclear to me. I think it is quite interesting that he has a skin condition that presumably made him quite ugly, yet he admires beauty. I personally feel the Social Darwinist angle is a bit perhaps a bit trite, it is a bit too simplistic for my taste, especially when the character revolves around this philosophy. This isn't to say that your character is one-dimensional, but perhaps you could elaborate and add a bit on the this particular philosophy
_ _ _
@AmbarSonOfDeshar: Thank you for your criticism. It reflects a lot of problems that I still face when writing scenes with Lucian. As you may have noticed the personality section is a bit barren, that is because I feel that I myself have not a clear enough grasp on Lucian's character. I think the most accurate thing about him is that he pretends to be nice knowing that everybody already knows that he is a jerkass. I hope that makes sense.
I don't intend for him to be a love-to-hate villain, though I see how can come off this way. As I said above I am more going for the very high functioning, efficient Smug Snake with a dash of Psychopathic Manchild. Do have any idea how to make that clearer?
As for the way he looks, it was a very deliberate decision to invoke this Lucifer-esque image with him. I wanted him to be someone who is known for being bad, but if you have no other choice turn to. Most of his manipulations are carried out by his subordinates, but once you are in despair he lures you into a contract with him. His red eyes are supposed to be a sign of The Corruption, his family legacy, In-Universe and a factor that make others more distrustful of him. Do you think this is a good idea?
As for your character, I'm sorry if I am not much of a help, but I can only say that from what I've read I really enjoy him. He seems very genuinely affable and I like how, eventhough is a pretty awful person, he really cares for his family. I think as a character he has a dynamic personality good enough to be brought back. He has a balanced powerset and seems like an entertaining Dragon to a more depraved Big Bad. After seeing the effects he had on his son, when he was still posthomous, I also think it would be great to see how their interactions have now changed and what kind of impact his resurrection could have on Sargon. I hope my opinion was of any help to you.
edited 10th Sep '15 8:47:43 AM by LewisLiddel
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