Things I've Learned From Comics

I mean imagine if they shrunk.

I'M MR. MEESEEKS, LOOK AT ME!

Dunno, could be a blessing in disguise - you get superpowers, less back pain, and you won't be oggled as much by nerdy man-children. Sounds like a win-win to me.

And now, in honor of Jeff Foxworthy:

If you wear your underwear on top of your pants, but people freak out when you don't... you might be a superhero.

If you keep secrets from people supposedly to protect them, but they get in even more trouble that way... you might wanna pay attention.

If you think the best way to utilize a ten-digit trust fund for the common good is to dress up like a harmless animal and beat up petty criminals... you might wanna listen up.

If you think that dressing up as a harmless animal is actually scary to people used to breaking shins and jawbones for a living... you might use some learnin.

If you think that supernatural abilities without any visible traces, like telekinesis or weather control, place you in some hated and oppressed social group... you might wanna get real.

If you think that supernatural abilities with visible traces, like pointy ears or tails or blue fur, turn you into a feared and hated outcast... you might wanna visit Las Vegas or New York sometime.

If you think that people with uncontrollably destructive abilities are only feared and hated out of generic bigotry, and not because they present a genuine threat to others and themselves... you might wanna start riding the bus.

If you belong to an organization that distributes the most powerful weapon in the universe, but can't figure out how to make a charger that doesn't look like a novelty lava lamp... you might wanna try a different service provider.

If you field a fleet of flying aircraft carriers, but somehow need the services of a guy in a UCAV suit - who thus proves he hasn't figured out the benefits of using a UCAV to begin with... you might wanna join another military branch.

If you think that bringing a gun to an ongoing crime scene is wrong, but bringing a pre-teen isn't... you might expect a visit from social services sometime soon.

And, of course, if you believe that a pair of glasses or a two-inch domino mask can in any way protect your identity from anyone seen you in your civvies, you just might be getting a controversial and overall disappointing film adaptation that would have producers wondering if they just shouldn't reboot the whole thing all over again... again.

Want villain to attack for some reason? Try getting a date or any kind of appointment, that should get them to attack. If you want one really badly, try quitting superheroics, villain should immediately show up close to you, probably targeting your close ones.

Wear your costume and use your codename, even when you no longer have secret identity. It's a tradition.

With enough training, you can chance clothing in an instant, so don't worry about people falling to their deaths or anything, they should be fine until you're dressed.

When you figure out way how to thwart the villain, you should act like total jerk to your teammates, by shouting orders and not explaining a thing, especially if you're pretending to join bad guys to save your skin. Later they will see you were right and learn to trust you next time.

Go to any lengths to protect your secret identity, even to your close friends. Lie, act like jerk, make them doubt what they've seen, redirect attention at ant cost. It for their own good.

The less you dwell on villain's death (assuming he was important) the more likely he is to quickly return. Dwell for a bit about how it's finally over or what a tragedy it is that such genius was wasted on evil. That should keep him "dead" for just a little while. However, there is a good chance that once he does come back, he will plan from shadows elaborate revenge plan on you.

Buildings are always empty, unless you are in a film adaptation or a deconstruction.

Cars are a perfectly acceptable melee weapon, if you are strong enough to throw them. Nobody will ever complain about it (although I agree one can hesitate before complaining to someone who can lift cars).

Your enemies will usually share your quirks and characteristics, such as being animal-themed, crazy, aliens, etc.

Police is useless, even for catching common crooks with no superpower or weapons. So is the army.

Speaking of the army, their only goal is to make life difficult for superheroes, and at worst try to catch them or incapacitate them.

You are able to trade a dozen of barbs with your opponent in the time it takes to land a punch.

edited 6th Jan '17 5:41:51 AM by C105

Whatever your favourite work is, there is a Vocal Minority that considers it the Worst. Whatever. Ever!.

If you're a "good" superhero, the most realistic criminals you'll face are high noon bank robbers that will conveniently hit your locale exactly when you need to show off your chops. Rapists, drug dealers and human traffickers only concern dark and murderous anti-heroes, whom you're obligated to reprimand for their dark and murderous ways.

If you've come to having superpowers by sheer accident, that's all the training and experience you need. If anyone around you comes to having superpowers by sheer accident, you must always reprimand them for needing more training and experience, until they either lose their superpowers or become your sidekick for life.

If you're an underprivileged victim of social inequality or parental abuse, you must do nothing to alleviate your situation in any way. Only villains stand up for themselves against their abusers. You're supposed to wait for the heroes to save you, or alternatively just die so they'd have a reason to angst about all the injustice in the world.

The whole world consists of only three social groups - vigilantes, victims, and villains. There are no exceptions, but characters regularly flow between the first and third groups. No social mobility exists in or out of the second group.

Victims are called Doomed Innocents, which is part of the Tragic archetype under the dramatica theory: "The classic Innocent is a child or naive person who symbolizes lack of understanding. In their innocence they may stray into the line of fire or otherwise suffer unexpectedly.

Bystanders are effectively innocents and may be shot, blown up or otherwise massacred by the needs of the plotline to create realism and sympathy.

Their being harmless, we easily like the innocent, although we may despair at their naivety. When they are harmed, we rail at the unfairness of it all (and the reflection how unfair the real world is)."

I don't think Victim isn't a social group but a narrative convention, archetype, trope, or whatever you want to call it. Social groups have to do with social influence, not my aforementioned remark. Socials groups are about behavior when people interact in some kind of unified way.

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On the other hand, the superhero genre makes full use of this theory's eight principal archetypes. Even outside the comicbook medium you can find them in superhero prose like Steelheart:

"PROTAGONIST: The traditional Protagonist is the driver of the story: the one who forces the action. We root for it and hope for its success.

ANTAGONIST: The Antagonist is the character directly opposed to the Protagonist. It represents the problem that must be solved or overcome for the Protagonist to succeed.

REASON: This character makes its decisions and takes action on the basis of logic, never letting feelings get in the way of a rational course.

EMOTION: The Emotion character responds with its feelings without thinking, whether it is angry or kind, with disregard for practicality.

SKEPTIC: Skeptic doubts everything—courses of action, sincerity, truth—whatever.

SIDEKICK: The Sidekick is unfailing in its loyalty and support. The Sidekick is often aligned with the Protagonist though may also be attached to the Antagonist.

GUARDIAN: The Guardian is a teacher or helper who aids the Protagonist in its quest and offers a moral standard.

CONTAGONIST: The Contagonist hinders and deludes the Protagonist, tempting it to take the wrong course or approach."

Also the genre has a wide array of Norman Friedman's plots. The action plot is the baseline of any superhero comic out there.

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Though this is a topic about comics so there's much more than the superhero genre. Saga taught me you don't need the gratuitous violence and bold callousness that Walking Dead exploits to make an impact on the audience. When Izabel acclaimed Hazel before she got ghostbusted I FUCKING CRIED.

edited 29th Nov '16 2:50:45 PM by WolyniaBookSeries

You can go into a school, say you are new, and they’ll keep you.

Just figured out the superhero’s secret identity? He/She/It will make you think otherwise.

Temporal superpowers are really temporal. Never trust those potions and radiation stones.

Loving the superhero’s secret identity too will make you disappear from continuity for at least 20 years (Diane Meade).

If there's a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. Toni Morrison

Don't bother killing your enemies, it's a waste of effort and angst. Either they'll show back up with no explanation, show back up with undead or demonic superpowers, or be replaced by somebody ten times as psychotically murderous because that's the only way the writers know how to raise the stakes, and then show back up with no explanation. If you're very, very lucky, they'll just kill their replacement and not go on an even worse rampage to prove that the classic was more dangerous after all. Worst case scenario, you'll somehow end up with three of your formerly dead enemy. And no explanation.

If you show up and are noticeably better than the hero at anything, be prepared to find out that your home planet needs you.

Forget revenge love, order, chaos or even the status quo. Nostalgia for the way things were when the creators/editors were kids is the most powerful force in the universe.

It doesn't matter how long a supporting character is around, they can disappear spontaneously and no one will ever mention them again.

If you are a wise mentor type, be prepared for all kinds of surprises regarding your own history, all of them unpleasant. Eventually, when you've completed the slide from 'borderline saint' to 'history's greatest monster', you'll die, people will say nice things at your funeral, and everything will be fine again when you are suddenly no longer dead. Then the cycle will repeat until most readers end up wishing you'd just stay dead.

No wedding that happened later than the 70s will end well, unless you're a character that's obscure enough that no-one much cares, and even that's not guaranteed protection.

It doesn't matter how powerful and skilled you are in-universe, real world popularity will determine your competence level.

Talking Is a Free Action.

You can get cured from blindness with the right chemicals, which always seem to get right when you are hit with them.

If there's a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. Toni Morrison

10 year olds fighting crime is not only ok it’s also completely viable, so long as they have adult supervision.

If you are a supervillain, you can never in any scenario ever or even if you do win it will not last long.

"Analay, an original fan character from a 2006 non canon comic. Do not steal!"

You can go a whole trade paperback with just talking

If you're a superhero and you kill someone by accident, you will never spend a single day in jail. Also, other superheroes will cover for you and you can get away with telling a black guy he'd never go to prison for killing someone just because he's a cop. You can also get away with telling said black guy that the rules do not apply to you because you have super powers. The narrative will treat you as justified even though this speech would be seen as horrifying if it came from a super villain.

Fans of superheroes usually dismiss, excuse or even openly endorse public behaviour in superheroes that, if done (or even attempted) in the real world, could get someone to be disgraced, expelled, arrested and possibly deported or sentenced to the electric chair.

Ultimate Secret Wars

Jail: Really little no matter what.

Also, you get to keep your costume or at least your hat.

If there's a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. Toni Morrison

You are a villain who has kidnapped, manipulated, murdered, raped, and/or even ate countless people? Well, no worries, because if you are popular/hot enough, you can just say 'sorry', start fighting for the heroes and all is forgiven.

You don't even have to change all that much. You can still be a murderous sociopath, you just have to fight for heroes.

Mind wipes: extremely easy to do.

Chemicals: extremely easy to get.

Radioactive materials: extremely easy to get.

Actually anything in the world: easy to get.

If there's a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. Toni Morrison

• If ever you meet a former supervillain, do not give them the time of day. Don't trust them, don't lend an ear to their problems, don't even so much as talk to them. If you ever get involved in their life in any way, you are certain to catapult them back into evil or else get duped into aiding their latest scheme. And don't even THINK about trying to help them reform!

• Mental illness is not treatable, and anyone with a serious mental condition should be interned in an asylum somewhere far away from society.

Spider-Man and Batman are particularly bad with those.

"I think if you're capable of entertaining people, then you are doing a good thing. - Stan Lee