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The Sorcerers' Revolution - Discussion

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TailsDoll I have a plan. Since: Apr, 2012
I have a plan.
#26: Jun 18th 2012 at 3:59:31 PM

Fae are already part of the setting, and they're extinct, by the looks of it.

"@[=g3,8d]&fbb=-q]/hk%fg"
Parable Since: Aug, 2009
#27: Jun 18th 2012 at 4:00:34 PM

Fae sounds pretty sweet. Naming yourselves after the the dead species that fought to the last.

Next person who makes a speech, if you can drop the name fae into it as a rally cry, you will be awesome and pretty.

Or if anyone else has suggestions?

edited 18th Jun '12 4:01:25 PM by Parable

Fauxlosophe Since: Aug, 2010
#28: Jun 18th 2012 at 4:01:21 PM

I think we'd probably go for the Continent's name. I can suggest a few names for it if you are stuck but otherwise it's the most obvious idea.

Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#29: Jun 18th 2012 at 4:01:22 PM

That's why I said the name was unoccupied. The humans committed genocide against the Fae partially because they feared them.

Also, already going to insert it in.

Edit: and there's the hatred he mentioned.

edited 18th Jun '12 5:35:41 PM by Dblade26

Parable Since: Aug, 2009
#30: Jun 18th 2012 at 5:40:53 PM

Rudolph apparently didn't even hear or notice the Minotaur's rant.

Dude, seriously?

Fauxlosophe Since: Aug, 2010
#31: Jun 18th 2012 at 5:46:51 PM

[up][up]Yeah... I know Illtyd is written to be a bit of a jerk but seriously? Could you maybe read over his rant? Rider's is talking about humans in general because he's building off what I already wrote but your character is pretty clearly benefiting from oppression while waving the ill gotten spoils in our faces. There's a clear line between prejudice [Hating all humans on the grounds the are human] and what we have here [Literally waving money infront of people barely surviving who worked to get you that money and then talking ot them about injustice]. There's some shades in the middle, like hating All Humans because Most Are Oppression you but neither Illtyd nor Taugyr are even explicitly that.

This case is pretty justified really.

I think you're character ought to at least respond to that or even just have a slight internal monologue on how exactly he feels that him getting rich off of the spoils of an oppressed people and working to save an oppressed people are compatible.

Otherwise, honestly, he seems pretty arrogant to me, like you explicitly said he was not.

edited 18th Jun '12 5:49:16 PM by Fauxlosophe

Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#32: Jun 18th 2012 at 6:31:42 PM

Sorry about that, I'm getting tired and losing my feel for the character as a result. I did read his rant, by the way. I'm sorry that this long and overdramatic rant does nothing to redeem my failures as a writer.

edited 18th Jun '12 6:34:45 PM by Dblade26

Parable Since: Aug, 2009
#33: Jun 18th 2012 at 6:42:00 PM

"then you shouldn't be keeping your blood money"

Use it to fund the Revolution!

rabbitRider The Sword of the Morning from Shurima Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
The Sword of the Morning
#34: Jun 18th 2012 at 6:47:49 PM

[up][up] It's fine, I understand. It just comes off as a little insincere that he's ranting about how he understands that humans in general are complete dicks and that he hates humans like that more, right after complaining that all the characters do is greet him with hatred and suspicion. It comes off a little weird that he understands that humans in general are dicks, then complains about this point. It kinda makes it seem like he doesn't realize why people are treating him like that(i.e. because humans are dicks) despite having just said that he knows that humans are dicks.

edited 18th Jun '12 6:48:55 PM by rabbitRider

Your legacy shall drift away, blown into eternity, like the sands of the desert.
Parable Since: Aug, 2009
#35: Jun 18th 2012 at 6:56:54 PM

Consistency is fun! Or if Rudy is supposed to be inconsistent, or just babbling because he's nervous, that could be written better too.

Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#36: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:09:00 PM

Meh. I've done a fairly good job of utterly butchering everything so far. I was tired and kind of added that in as an afterthought of "no one believes that humans are anything but douchebags so most of us don't see the point in being nice" rather than as a drama causing, whiny insult.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:24:39 PM by Dblade26

rabbitRider The Sword of the Morning from Shurima Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
The Sword of the Morning
#37: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:23:45 PM

Well, I'm not sure if this was your intention, but that makes him come across as both naive and incredibly entitled.

Think about it, he's essentially arguing that more humans won't help metahumans because metahumans hate humans for invading their land, murdering their people, destroying their civilizations, outlawing their magic, and then subjugating metahumanity as a whole.

If humans expect metahumans not to distrust and be suspicious of humans before they help them, they have a loooooooooooong time to wait

EDIT: And now I'm talking to my self. Hooray. :D

edited 18th Jun '12 7:24:44 PM by rabbitRider

Your legacy shall drift away, blown into eternity, like the sands of the desert.
Fauxlosophe Since: Aug, 2010
#38: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:25:39 PM

You sort of showed up in rich person clothes and gave them no reason to think you are distinct from any other human. The kinds who you've basically painted as totally cool with murdering their children. Hell, some of them probably lost children that way.

Illtyd even said if you showed up dressed like something other than a rich kid than maybe but he can't exactly be expecting special treatment as a repentant rich child so much as just sounded like a Soapbox Sadie who is telling to them to just stay down before his dad beats them up worse.

Edit: Ninja'd and talking to myself.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:26:32 PM by Fauxlosophe

Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#39: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:25:42 PM

Meh, I should just drop out. I dislike writing douchebags and a few offhand lines have made him the biggest douche in the RP.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:27:15 PM by Dblade26

rabbitRider The Sword of the Morning from Shurima Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
The Sword of the Morning
#40: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:27:44 PM

Well, you aren't writing a douchebag so much as you are writing someone who comes off as very entitled, very protected, and naive. Which, to be honest, is kinda to be expected of him, coming from his status.

The problem is that I don't think this is the kind of character you're trying to write.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:28:22 PM by rabbitRider

Your legacy shall drift away, blown into eternity, like the sands of the desert.
Insano Mad Pinoy from At my laptop, refusing to waste time Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
Mad Pinoy
#41: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:28:14 PM

No, no, please stay. I like playing Matthew with this guy. The slightly street-smart kid with the entitled rich kid, their personalities working off of each other as they learn together. I like that idea. I've always wanted to be someone else's foil.

Allurand and surrounding world loading, 28%...
Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#42: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:29:27 PM

Meh, it's exhausting to play such a blisteringly naive idiot and I don't have the kind of writing ability to pull off the necessary character development to stop hating him.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:30:44 PM by Dblade26

Fauxlosophe Since: Aug, 2010
#43: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:29:51 PM

He's just really really naive and needs perspective. He's more an idealist who doesn't realize how built into the system he is.

Illtyd and Taugyr [and much of the bar] aren't exactly hospitable to that. He has potential but I think you just need to focus on that naivety and keep it in mind. Hopefully have him develop out of it as he gains some perspective.

Insano Mad Pinoy from At my laptop, refusing to waste time Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
Mad Pinoy
#44: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:29:54 PM

Well, there's a thing called character development. I think Matthew and the elf girl could really help him develop along with those two guys at the bar.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:30:29 PM by Insano

Allurand and surrounding world loading, 28%...
Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#45: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:31:58 PM

Doubt I could pull off convincing character development. Never have before.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:34:06 PM by Dblade26

Insano Mad Pinoy from At my laptop, refusing to waste time Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
Mad Pinoy
#46: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:33:36 PM

Always a first time for everything.

Allurand and surrounding world loading, 28%...
Parable Since: Aug, 2009
#47: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:34:47 PM

I'm waiting for a few more posts to come in before moving along.

This is a new game and everyone is jumping in really fast trying to get this and that established, I forgot this happens all the time. People are sort of going over each other, heck this was supposed to be posted after Rider's second to last post but I double checked and saw I'm already behind. I'll advise everyone to think long and hard before they post something, just because you're poor or rich doesn't mean your character has to be a douche, let things flow naturally. And before you post, double check to see you haven't been ninja'd already.

DB, if you really don't want to play with this character anymore, by all means make a new one. But as the others have pointed out, Rudy is workable, and any kinks you're sorting out can be chalked up to Early-Installment Weirdness. I'd be fine keeping him in.

Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#48: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:38:44 PM

Thanks for the constructive criticism and support, you guys. I'll keep him in and focus on the naive idealist angle.

Insano Mad Pinoy from At my laptop, refusing to waste time Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: What is this thing you call love?
Mad Pinoy
#49: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:39:27 PM

Hooray!

Allurand and surrounding world loading, 28%...
Dblade26 The Grand Re-Vizier from Everywhere Since: Dec, 2011
The Grand Re-Vizier
#50: Jun 18th 2012 at 7:43:15 PM

Opinions on making him the Mayor's kid or something equally repulsive yet explanatory? It would definitely explain his reluctance to give out his name or show his full face and why he's so extremely sheltered.

edited 18th Jun '12 7:44:18 PM by Dblade26


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