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Sexism and Men's Issues

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MOD NOTE: Please note the following part of the forum rules:

If you don't like a thread, don't post in it. Posting in a thread simply to say you don't like it, or that it's stupid, or to point out that you 'knew who made it before you even clicked on it', or to predict that it will end badly will get you warned.

The initial OP posted below covers it well enough: the premise of this thread is that men's issues exist. Don't bother posting if you don't believe there is such a thing.


Here's hoping this isn't considered too redundant. I've noticed that our existing threads about sexism tend to get bogged down in Oppression Olympics or else wildly derailed, so I thought I'd make a thread specifically to talk about discrimination issues that disproportionately affect men.

No Oppression Olympics here, okay? No saying "But that's not important because women suffer X which is worse!" And no discussing these issues purely in terms of how much better women have it. Okay? If the discussion cannot meaningfully proceed without making a comparison to male and female treatment, that's fine, but on the whole I want this thread to be about how men are harmed by society and how we can fix it. Issues like:

  • The male-only draft (in countries that have one)
  • Circumcision
  • Cavalier attitudes toward men's pain and sickness, AKA "Walk it off!"
  • The Success Myth, which defines a man's desirability by his material success. Also The Myth of Men Not Being Hot, which denies that men can be sexually attractive as male beings.
  • Sexual abuse of men.
  • Family law.
  • General attitudes that men are dangerous or untrustworthy.

I could go on making the list, but I think you get the idea.

Despite what you might have heard about feminists not caring about men, it's not true. I care about men. Patriarchy sucks for them as much as it sucks for women, in a lot of ways. So I'm putting my keyboard where my mouth is and making a thread for us to all care about men.

Also? If you're male and think of something as a men's issue, by golly that makes it a men's issue fit for inclusion in this thread. I might disagree with you as to the solution, but as a woman I'm not going to tell you you have no right to be concerned about it. No "womansplaining" here.

Edited by nombretomado on Dec 15th 2019 at 5:19:34 AM

GAP Formerly G.G. from Who Knows? Since: May, 2011 Relationship Status: In love with love
Formerly G.G.
#22651: Sep 16th 2025 at 6:01:34 AM

Ask yourself this: how often have male characters cried onscreen and it wasn't framed as something funny or a sign of weakness?

That's a good question. I've seen some media where men cry, and it isn't portrayed as a weakness. However, I've also seen male characters become too "whiny" or "childish". over everu little thing. I guess it also depends on the context of why the male character is crying. If you lost a family member or friend, or you empathize with someone who lost their family member or friend, then it is acceptable. Otherwise, if you cry over every little thing like a child, then it is not.

"Fan, a Mega Man character."
GearFriedTheKnight BLOCKING - A weapon for the 21st century. from The nearest road that can be raced (Experienced Trainee) Relationship Status: I'm in love with my car
BLOCKING - A weapon for the 21st century.
#22652: Sep 16th 2025 at 6:07:18 AM

Ask yourself this: how often have male characters cried onscreen and it wasn't framed as something funny or a sign of weakness?
...It may be due to the kind of works I "consume" but I'm honestly struggling to recall many of those cases nowadays. I mean, crying on screen treated as comedy I've seen from both sexes, and it's less "LOL he's emphatic" and more "character is crying physical rivers over minor things" (seen in Ace Attorney frequently).

''There's no magic in tuning; yet, it's something that tends to escape from any logic."
HandsomeRob Leader of the Holey Brotherhood from The land of broken records Since: Jan, 2015
Leader of the Holey Brotherhood
#22653: Sep 16th 2025 at 6:15:27 AM

The most recent example I can think of is Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man crying when he catches MCU MJ in Spider-Man: No Way Home.

It's clear he recognizes that he got a second chance to do things right, and he's overwhelmed by it.

I think MCU Peter was also crying when Tony Star died in Avengers: Endgame and Peter Quill died at both Yondu's death, and his funeral when the other Ravagers showed up to honor him.

All Superhero films, but those are the examples I can best recall.

One Strip! One Strip!
Stage7-4 Since: Nov, 2014
#22654: Sep 16th 2025 at 6:26:07 AM

It doesn't matter how many exceptions we find, as it's still a well established stigma that a man only cries at funerals or for the birth of their child.

If anything, media showing men crying only when it's a really big deal just reinforces that men can't cry for the smaller things in life. And that's sad, almost makes me tear up a bit.

LoneCourier0 The Wandering Geek from A Diverse Land (Unitroper) Relationship Status: How YOU doin'?
The Wandering Geek
#22655: Sep 16th 2025 at 6:28:12 AM

"Doesn't matter" it's best not to fall on that line of thought.

"Cynicism is not realistic and tough. It's unrealistic and kind of cowardly because it means you don't have to try."
M84 Oh, bother. from Our little blue planet Since: Jun, 2010 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
Oh, bother.
#22656: Sep 16th 2025 at 6:38:01 AM

[up][up]There are reasons we have Men Don't Cry. Heck, even Manly Tears implies that men crying is something unusual in media.

Disgusted, but not surprised
Protagonist506 from Oregon Since: Dec, 2013 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
#22657: Sep 16th 2025 at 7:42:47 AM

Men don't cry is one of those tropes where you're generally conversing with it even by averting it.

Basically, exceptions exist but the thing is that they're still conversing with the trope, they're subversive.

Leviticus 19:34
TomWithoutJerry Tyranny Bad, Democracy Good. from Where Might Makes Right and I have no Might. Since: Dec, 2023
Tyranny Bad, Democracy Good.
#22658: Sep 16th 2025 at 8:16:58 AM

just reinforces that men can't cry for the smaller things in life.

Should anyone, male or female or anything in between, actually cry over the smaller things? I'm not talking about family or health, or friends, but how are we defining 'the smaller things ' in this context?

Please remember that, ultimately, fictional works of entertainment are just that.
Risa123 Since: Dec, 2021 Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
#22659: Sep 16th 2025 at 8:22:34 AM

[up] I would say that the issue of crying in any situation is not about "should" in first place. It is just about not shaming people for crying when they do.

Stage7-4 Since: Nov, 2014
#22660: Sep 16th 2025 at 10:40:18 AM

[up] This.

"The smaller things" I was thinking of were crying watching sad movies, or because you had a rough day, or even just hearing a really good joke. Whether that makes you tear up or not depends on the person, but nobody should be shamed for doing so.

Blueace Surrounded by weirdoes from The End Of the World Since: Dec, 2010 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
Surrounded by weirdoes
#22661: Sep 16th 2025 at 11:02:45 AM

Not even crying. Big emotional shows about how things suck don't get a lot of sympathetic ears.

Wake me up at your own risk.
AegisP Kindhearted SSSSSNAKE Man Since: Oct, 2014 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
Kindhearted SSSSSNAKE Man
#22662: Sep 16th 2025 at 11:27:35 AM

I dont care if people think men crying is silly or bad or whatever, I think it should be normal and thus I will do my best to normalize it. It doesnt matter if other people dont get it.

As long as this flower is in my heart. My Strength will flow without end.
PhoenixAct Since: Feb, 2011
#22663: Sep 16th 2025 at 1:28:43 PM

The thing is, men crying did used to be considered normal back in medieval times. In fact, in some cases it was expected that you would cry, because crying for something meant you cared.

Stories from antiquity all the way up to the regency period often had male characters weeping for some reason or another.

Silasw A procrastination in of itself from A handcart to hell (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
A procrastination in of itself
#22664: Sep 16th 2025 at 2:01:49 PM

Just look at the scope of male emotional range in the Lords of the Rings books, the limiting of western male emotional range to just anger is a post-WW 2 thing.

“And the Bunny nails it!” ~ Gabrael “If the UN can get through a day without everyone strangling everyone else so can we.” ~ Cyran
CalicoCaitSith Part Time Magical Girl Since: Jun, 2022 Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady
Part Time Magical Girl
#22665: Sep 16th 2025 at 2:49:04 PM

Yeah, the idea that men don't cry/don't have emotions besides anger and pride is very much Newer Than They Think.

And what's worth crying over is subjective. Someone who cries because their favourite TV show just ended may look whiny, but it could be that they have depression, and that TV show was one of their few reasons for getting out of bed in the mornings.

It's all too easy to dismiss someone's tears as Wangst without considering their perspective. I think people, regardless of gender, should be allowed to cry about big and small things alike.

Kindness is the most important thing in the world, and also the rarest.
Stage7-4 Since: Nov, 2014
#22666: Sep 16th 2025 at 3:06:59 PM

[up] I agree with the spirit of your point, people should just be able to cry without shame.

But the example you gave about crying over a TV show because they might have depression feels like it's reinforcing the problem: that men crying has to be justified (in this case by depression). Men can't just cry because they feel like it or because it's a natural human response.

What I'm saying is that it shouldn't matter if they have depression or not, because the underlying reason shouldn't matter at all.

CalicoCaitSith Part Time Magical Girl Since: Jun, 2022 Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady
Part Time Magical Girl
#22667: Sep 16th 2025 at 3:15:35 PM

[up] True, it wasn't my intention (it was more about how what's worth crying over is up to the person doing the crying), but I can see why it came across that way. Sometimes a person just needs to cry as a form of emotional release.

Kindness is the most important thing in the world, and also the rarest.
TomWithoutJerry Tyranny Bad, Democracy Good. from Where Might Makes Right and I have no Might. Since: Dec, 2023
Tyranny Bad, Democracy Good.
#22668: Sep 16th 2025 at 4:45:55 PM

At which point that stops being support and becomes enabling?

If I'm told I can cry about anything whoever I want no matter how small the reason, is that ultimately good for me?

Edited by TomWithoutJerry on Sep 16th 2025 at 7:46:30 AM

Please remember that, ultimately, fictional works of entertainment are just that.
AegisP Kindhearted SSSSSNAKE Man Since: Oct, 2014 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
Kindhearted SSSSSNAKE Man
#22669: Sep 16th 2025 at 4:50:25 PM

Look, while I get your concern, obviously not crying about everything is okay. But if the solution is to let out some steam and cry and vent that's okay to do in small doses. Just dont immediately tell someone who is suffering to tough it up, if they are overdoing the venting and crying you can suggest something ELSE to help them since that didnt work.

As long as this flower is in my heart. My Strength will flow without end.
GAP Formerly G.G. from Who Knows? Since: May, 2011 Relationship Status: In love with love
Formerly G.G.
#22670: Sep 16th 2025 at 6:56:35 PM

What makes this even more weird is when some men express their emotions, some women (and men) do not tolerate it, even when they ask for it. I've heard about this, but it might be due to a subjective experience rather than reality.

"Fan, a Mega Man character."
Stage7-4 Since: Nov, 2014
#22671: Sep 16th 2025 at 9:56:02 PM

At which point that stops being support and becomes enabling?

I don't know what you mean by this. How can crying be enabling?

M84 Oh, bother. from Our little blue planet Since: Jun, 2010 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
Oh, bother.
#22672: Sep 16th 2025 at 11:25:04 PM

If someone's not afraid to cry in your presence that means they trust you enough to be emotionally open.

Telling them to shut up and stop crying isn't going to make them feel better or get "tougher", but it will convince them they can't trust you anymore. And they'd be right to feel that way.

Disgusted, but not surprised
CalicoCaitSith Part Time Magical Girl Since: Jun, 2022 Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady
Part Time Magical Girl
#22673: Sep 17th 2025 at 6:18:07 AM

And bottling up unpleasant emotions doesn't make you tougher, it just makes you more stressed and burnt out.

Can't speak for what it's like for men in today's culture, but I know from experience that pretending to be happy or stoic is exhausting.

Edited by CalicoCaitSith on Sep 17th 2025 at 2:19:53 PM

Kindness is the most important thing in the world, and also the rarest.
Blueace Surrounded by weirdoes from The End Of the World Since: Dec, 2010 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
Surrounded by weirdoes
#22674: Sep 17th 2025 at 7:11:45 AM

Given what they say about mental health, it still is like that, and doesn't help that there is a lot of other bullshit being thrown everyone's way.

Edited by Blueace on Sep 17th 2025 at 3:34:23 PM

Wake me up at your own risk.
Silasw A procrastination in of itself from A handcart to hell (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
A procrastination in of itself
#22675: Sep 17th 2025 at 12:03:14 PM

Fundamentally I don’t see how healthy emotional management leaves you with any subjects on which you shouldn’t cry. Crying is (generally) an expression of sadness/pain and if you’re feeling said emotions then it’s legitimate to cry, there may be specific situations where it’s not appropriate to cry (generally high-pressure time limited ones where mental energy is needed for other things), but that’s different from there being subjects that it’s inappropriate to cry over.

“And the Bunny nails it!” ~ Gabrael “If the UN can get through a day without everyone strangling everyone else so can we.” ~ Cyran

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