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AdmiralDuh Since: Dec, 1969
#1: May 22nd 2012 at 12:58:27 AM

I got this, handle cause it's a little more appropriate for my project. Here it is. Look, Review, Bash, I don't care as long as I can improve it.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yGjTXVgyyd9ZLGW-tfuZltsQTXpH8dDF2nf_Yt8HZ2Q/edit

KyleJacobs from DC - Southern efficiency, Northern charm Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: One True Dodecahedron
#2: May 22nd 2012 at 1:03:18 AM

Just from the first few pages I can tell you you'll need a whole lot of style fixes. It alternates between being overly chatty and not giving enough information. First off, I don't like to see the word "I" in a rulebook. It makes it look unprofessional. I've left comments where I think things can be improved on.

Now, style aside, the rules do look sound. This could be interesting.

edited 22nd May '12 1:21:34 AM by KyleJacobs

AdmiralDuh Since: Dec, 1969
#3: May 22nd 2012 at 6:55:31 AM

Thanks dude. Fixed most of the commented bits. I think, I don't know.

KyleJacobs from DC - Southern efficiency, Northern charm Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: One True Dodecahedron
#4: May 22nd 2012 at 6:41:19 PM

Much better. Still needs a fair bit of work, but better. Looking forward to seeing this once it's done.

edited 22nd May '12 6:41:32 PM by KyleJacobs

AdmiralDuh Since: Dec, 1969
#5: May 25th 2012 at 2:57:42 AM

So anything else that draws attention? Anything else I should change?

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