Oh dear... XD
(By the way, Tuefel, is that oblique in your signature supposed to be there?)
ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NO(If you have two of them followed by a paragraph break it will look clearer...)
ERROR: The current state of the world is unacceptable. Save anyway? YES/NOWow, didn't know TV Tropes even had a DF succession game until I saw the fort added to the community page. I'd love to sign up for a turn (and a dwarf, preferably any red or green), though I won't be able to play until after my turn in Deathgate is concluded.
I'm attaching the file to an email right now. It's just t*r*o*p*e*r*d*f*@*g*m*a*i*l*.*c*o*m without the asterisks, right?
With no further sign of the gloom, and still no results back from the !!experiment!!, it’s time to get this damn bridge completed. The idea, of course, is to keep the gloom out of the farm expansion. I’m also not sure how a bridge that has yet to be actually built has vomit on it, but what the krutz.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my current issues with steel production boil down to “dig some more damn marble”, so I’ve told the miners to dig some more, uh, damn marble.
We’re definitely going to have plenty to trade come the next caravan. We currently have no less than 195 individual billon goblets. (I do love the cost-efficiency of this option, though; in the unlikely event of getting three masterwork billon goblets, 40 dwarfbucks in metal and coke becomes 2160 dwarfbucks in quality workmanship.)
The danger room is now open for business!
Timber
With my time as overlord starting to run down, I’ve begun considering my legacy. I figure the next sucker will appreciate having a krutzload of stuff to play with. Sadly, I have no experience with minecarts, so my contributions will have to take the form of a mountain of food, an ocean of booze, and a shitload of bars of various types.
Aww, the grazing animals I bought from those traders are getting hungry. I think I’ll have them all killed.
The enclosure is completed, but I’m not going to build a farm there until I’ve gathered the plants already present. And since nobody seems to want to do that, it looks like I’m going to be stuck with my current farms until Opal.
Interesting new things underground: a pack of elk birds wandered in. Also, we’re gathering quite a collection of giant louse soap. (The hard part of washing giant lice is drying them.)
Ooh, a caravan. I’ll see what awesomeness I can extract from them…aaaand naturally the broker just went on break. Krutz.
Doublekrutz. A troglodyte went on the rampage and killed a child who was going down the stairs for reasons unknown. Fortunately, however, Speardwarf Squad 1 went straight down and killed the shit out of the trog responsible. The fact that it stepped on my special “keep the krutz out” weapon trap didn’t hurt.
These traders are taking quite some time. They must have a lot of good stuff. Or heavy stuff at least.
Tuefel has found the second cavern. No signs of life beyond a few cave spider webs as yet.
I’ve just realised: we have ninety more tame animals than there are wild ones on the entire map. And a third of those are in cages anyway.
Dear wagons, why are you taking weeks to cover a comparatively short distance? They entered the area eleven days ago and the stragglers still haven’t reached the depot.
Moonstone
We have the first steel bar production run completed. I’ve ordered a second load of pig iron bars produced so we can move on to another sixty or so steel bars.
Also, a giant snowy owl nail crown brought by one of our migrants before I came to power is rapidly turning into the most valuable non-artifact craft in the entire fort. The various gem setters have taken turns encrusting it with everything under the sun. It’s currently valued at 2170 dwarfbucks, and is decorated with eight different kinds of gemstone.
By a stunning coincidence, the broker came off break just in time to actually do his damn job. Don’t get me wrong, I’m impressed that he’s a legendary appraiser, but what does that actually DO?
Thanks to the favour of the gods, our visitors are willing to pay through the nose for mugs. I guess they just…really want a shitload of goblets. Well that’s good. We have a shitload of goblets. We have more goblets than we know what to do with, except for ‘flog it to tourists’ which is kind of the default anyway.
I will never understand why they keep bringing us barrels of blood. Do they think we’re all vampires or something? And besides, even if I was a vampire, I’d prefer the warm blood of another dwarf’s veins than something cold and impersonal from a barrel. I also think I’d start with Melbil eritherberdan, the boozemistress. I have put waaaay too much thought into this.
Purchasing completed. All hands not focused on tasks they already had are converging on the trade depot to transfer things to their requisite stockpiles. More or less simultaneously, the next caravan from the Mountainhomes will pay top dwarfbuck for horn sceptres, rock rings, legwear and backpacks. They’re willing to pay extra, but not the maximum, for spears, powder, footwear, meat, crowns, shields and toys. Naturally, what they’re actually going to get is what we give them, but who gives a krutz.
I hope we have enough storage space for all this food. Just in case, I’ve drawn up plans for yet another expansion. Since I’m getting fed up with all this bitching about “lack of chairs”, I’ve also laid out a second, smaller dining room on the same floor as the baron’s rooms.
We’ve also had another two virtually simultaneous kobolds, apparently drawn by our two-and-three-quarter million in holdings.
Krutzing woot! We just made duchy! And in a year or so when the caravan finishes packing, leaves and delivers our offerings to the King, we’ll be declared capital. Not bad for a hole in the ground that has to bunker up on a regular basis to avoid horrible death by soul-devouring hell-fog.
Aaaaand speaking of soul-destroying hell-fog, there’s one now. And it’s on the roof. And now the wife of one of my legendary axedwarves has gotten caught in it. As has a child.
Krutz. This is going to be bad. As a preventative measure against the forthcoming morale disaster, I’ve cancelled all mandatory training sessions for our elites. Having to do training is apparently bad for their morale, and I like not having an axe through my skull.
And cue a second evil gloom.
Wait, what the hell just came out of that elk bird? It’s…it’s native aluminium. It’s got gizzard stones made of precious metals.
I’m getting a headache from trying to be overjoyed and horrified at the same time.
In an achievement that’s either awesome or terrifying, the glooms managed to miss my !!research!! subjects, but managed to hit two of the loved ones of someone who could hurl the entire fort into a death spiral.
…Actually, Adil Aristcatten seems to be holding up pretty well, all things considered. Of course, he hasn’t heard about his kid yet.
Oh, and now he knows. This is not going to end well. OK, given that this hole has cost him two children and a wife, I can’t blame him for being pissed off at life. I’m just glad that he’s slow to anger. If he loses it, he could throw the fort into chaos within krutzing seconds. I hope he doesn’t take offence that I’m treating him rather like an unexploded bomb. Perhaps fortunately, he doesn’t have too many close friends, although whoever he ends up killing probably will. I’m recommending that he take some time off, go shout at the newly promoted duke, maybe visit the temple and meditate on the will of Armok…wait, scratch that, the will of Armok inevitably involves bloodshed, and that’s not something I want a guy with an axe to meditate on when he hates the world.
Great. ANOTHER gloom is coming for us. And because the universe hates me, it’s managed to miss all my !!test subjects!!.
Good news is, Adil seems to be cheering up. He’s still pissed, but at least he’s not ‘’psychotically’’ pissed. He’s just gone back to run-of-the-mill glum and embittered. I’ve recommended that he plant a garden to cheer himself up. And by “garden”, I mean “farm”, and by “cheer himself up”, I mean “increase our sustainability”. I’m not going to give him any dumb advice about this being the best of all possible worlds, because lethally toxic demon farts fall from the sky without warning and blight the life out of everything they touch, but at least it’s not Boatmurdered or Syrupleaf. And that’s…that’s something, although what it is remains to be seen.
Arghwhatdammit. Another krutzing gloom! Run, Logem! That red mist isn’t exactly dwarven syrup! Thank krutz – she got out of the way in time. However, naturally, it’s sitting twenty paces from one of my !!experiments!!, and doesn’t seem to want to move. It’s huge, but perhaps fortunately it doesn’t seem to be drifting anywhere.
Aaaand krutz. Adil has begun bouncing back and forth between merely Unhappy and Very Unhappy. This could easily go very badly for everyone. He seems to be planning to eat a fisher berry; I hoped he’d go for a meal prepared by a master chef, but if he prefers to eat fisher berries that’s his business. However, he likes turkeys, so I’m going to give him a turkey cage in his room. That should perk him up.
Hang on. It turns out there are plenty of dwarven children who don’t have their own rooms. I’ve ordered another row of 2x2 rooms to be dug out; they probably won’t be finished in time, so it’ll be Edwards Grizzly’s job to actually furnish them with doors and engravings and beds and whatnot.
Opal
The gloom decided to leave us be for a while. Sadly I don’t have a while, since I’m running late for my retirement party. It strikes me as hilariously ironic that my last act as leader was to order a turkey installed in a cage to help a widower feel better about himself. (Daskot Konoslekad has sent the message that it’d be easier if he’d pick up his dirty clothes.) Okay, and having a cabinet and chest installed in my room. Look, I gave Tuefel a cabinet for pickaxing that troll, what more do you want?
Well. That was my fifteen minutes of fame, I guess. Good luck, Edwards Godensobir, of Clan Grizzly. Try to be careful with Adil Aristcatten’s emotional state, in much the same way that you’d be careful when trying to run a magma aqueduct over your own bedroom. Oh, and avoid getting too exotic with the water. Drowning isn’t fun, although it might be Fun.
I’m going to miss running this place. I mean, it’s a blighted, damnable blot on the world, occupied by lunatics, whose sole exterior structure is designed explicitly to become airtight at a moment’s notice because that’s the only way to not be murdered by malignant glooms straight from the bowels of hell…but it’s home.
Oh, and if you could assign me some attractive assistants and maybe give me tenure as the chair of Applied Wooden Infrastructure, that’d be just super.
Final tally:
Fortress wealth: 2 841 868
Food stores: 13 176
Meat: 1 165
Fish: 405
Plant: 1 612
Seeds: 1 519
Drink: 5 335
Other: 3 140
Population: 245
Custom alerts: AllHellBreaksLoose (scramble all military to defend the primary burrow, confine all civilians to within that burrow), Evil Gloom (confine all citizens within burrow, military unaffected)
No, wait.
Edit: File's been emailed. If it hasn't arrived, let me know.
edited 2nd Jun '12 2:22:59 PM by CountDorku
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That is, as they say, the joke.
As I mentioned above, be werry werry careful with Adil Aristcatten's emotional state.
The logbook of Edwards Godensobir of Clan Grizzly:
6th Opal: Looking over documents left for me, I see that our long-term goals will require prodigidous amounts resources from the deep mines. After taking a survey of the cavern levels, I believe I have found a suitable location for DESTINATION (Dwarf-Engineered Subterranean Transportation Infrastructure Now Available to Transport Items, Ore, and Nobles) which, once completed, will greatly speed the process of bringing these resources to the surface.
7th Opal: After tying up a few loose administrative ends (and by "tying up" I mean "securely fastened with *Cave Spider Silk Ropes* and flung into the danger room", I have drafted the fortress' children to assist me in testing some experimental prototypes for DESTINATION. One of them caught my eye: Thob Leromkol. Seven years old and already a legendary mason. I'll have to remember to recruit him for my reality game show "Dwarven Progidies on Ice" once I get a sufficient number of Giant Orcas.
8th Opal: The first prototype for DESTINATION is complete. One of the cooks appears to have become addicted to riding it around in circles. I had not anticipated the effect that such amusements might have on productivity. It may be necessary to take measures to make it less enjoyable.
Yeah I've decided to mess with minecarts. Shoot me now.
edited 4th Jun '12 12:50:58 PM by EdwardsGrizzly
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A great many things are done in stupid ways... because they are not done the dwarf way. Everything is best done the dwarf way.
also... i hope none of you expect me to take a turn at the wheel of this boring fortress. (never though i would use boring to describe a fortress in DF). I would dig straight down looking for hidden fun stuff.
edited 1st Jun '12 7:56:29 PM by ultimatepheer