One should be wary of the opposite danger too, though. Mistaking one's poor grasp of social niceties for a sign of greatness is a trap in which many — especially, I think, many of the nerdy persuasion — are in risk of falling.
edited 24th Apr '12 3:24:24 PM by Carciofus
But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.When I was in middle school, I thought that the reason why I did not make friends among my classmates was because they were obsessed with sports, tv and pop songs while I had different, "better" interests like chess and science fiction and fantasy and computer programming.
Thinking back at my behaviour at the time, I had it all wrong. The reason why I did not make friends easily was because I automatically assumed that anybody who did not fit my extremely specific idea of what "intelligent people" were like was lesser than me and deserving to be treated with badly concealed disdain. Now, don't get me wrong, there were certainly people who thought I was a loser because I liked chess and did not give a damn about soccer; but I'm pretty sure that there were a lot of people who would have been happy to be my friends, if only I had not made extremely clear that I thought that people who liked soccer were losers.
edited 24th Apr '12 3:47:45 PM by Carciofus
But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.That's good advise, but I think my problem is a bit different. I have few friends because I don't know how to "use my words", as the nerdfighters would put it; Especially with people whose interests aren't like mine. I just fall silent and can't think of a single thing to say.
‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.I don't really think I agree with the article. When I was in high school, I was 'weird', yes. At the time I guess I had a similar sort of... I don't know, a feeling that being unlike other people made me better somehow.
I still prefer being the way I am to fitting in, yeah, but I don't think it's healthy to divide yourself away from 'normal people' and talk about how everybody else isn't being true to themselves, how everyone else is so much less 'real' and 'interesting' and whatever than you are.
People are just people. Nobody is a cardboard cut-out. What right do I, as the resident nerdy book-lover, have to say "Those girls with their makeup and clothes and boy bands, and those boys with their sports, they aren't being true to themselves"? Maybe they just are who they are. As silly as I think some of their opinions and activities were, I'm pretty sure I had others that were just as silly.
Be not afraid...Indeed. They're normal because... well... they're not us. To us, they're the aggregate blob of cardboard people, and we're the only real person, because we only know about ourselves. We think of ourselves due to situation (e.g. I like this band because they sound good), whereas we perceive others to be acting on disposition (e.g. Urgh. Everyone likes those clothes because they're all posers and that's what they do).
I agree but disagree. The story is mostly right, but there's some differences that need to be known before the advice is taken.
See, there being an "outcast", someone whose only problem is that they don't like the current popular things and is shunned because of it (who the story was talking about). Them being themselves is fine because it won't really matter in the real world.
Then there's real outcasts, who are outcasts because of things like poor hygiene and socially unacceptable behavior. They should not continue being themselves.
Being yourself is perfectly fine as long as it adheres to basic societal norms (bathing, brushing your teeth, bathing, not wearing a fursuit everywhere, fucking bathing) (there's a reason I put bathing 3 times, I just won't get into it here).
(Actually, I think I will get into it here. It's actually on topic)
For example, there's someone I know (I won't say her name or how I know her) who has lost all her friends. Not because she doesn't watch movies that are newer than 1958. Not because she's extremely obsessed with the Chicago Cubs (that's actually considered a social norm in Chicago). For me to properly list all the reasons would take a whole post (by the way, I'm not to fond of her myself), so I'll just list a few that best illustrate my point.
She doesn't bathe (see why I put it 3 times?). And to make that worse, she recently pissed herself during a medical procedure. That was 2 weeks ago and we're not quite sure she's taken a shower since (or even since February. Or even before that). And if she has, that leads to a bigger problem. Put simply, she smells like piss. People don't like that, and for a good reason. If that's who you are, you shouldn't be proud of it and should probably change it (and your clothes too).
Speaking of clothes, I don't think she's changed hers in a while either. This may be why she smells like piss. Said clothes also have food stains on them. It's not very good looking and reflects quite poorly on you. Unless there's an actual reason why you can't wash or change your clothes (and there isn't for her) it's just disgusting.
Another disgusting thing, besides the not bathing or changing clothes, is her habit of talking with her mouth full. And her inability to close her mouth while eating. My cousin's 2 year old daughters don't even do that (they also don't piss themselves, meaning they're actually more pleasant to be around. And they're toddlers). Everyone agrees these are sick habits that make being around her when she's eating difficult.
I'd go on, but the whole point is that she's a disgusting person. All these things are easy to change, but she chooses not to. This is not the kind of person who should listen to that advice to just be yourself.
TL;DR Version: Being yourself is fine if "yourself" don't smell like piss.
edited 24th Apr '12 8:14:44 PM by Malph
In other words, always be yourself, unless you're a jerk/have poor hygiene.
Didn't Joss Whedon say something like that?
edited 24th Apr '12 8:14:45 PM by IraTheSquire
I still say this is something the kind of kid who doesn't fit in and can't make any friends no matter how hard he tries needs to be told. Even if it is overgeneralizing a bit, it's still something that can give some hope to an outcast, shine some light on someone stuck in the dark, add a pinch of color to someone with a touch of gray. I sure as hell probably would've appreciated hearing this back when I was in high school.
Oh, and by the way? I had pretty much no friends in high school (or middle school, for that matter) until I started bonding with other kids who were considered social outcasts. While most of them ended up abandoning me for various reasons (some of which was, indeed, my own damn fault), in the end I gained from that the most valuable friendship I've ever had, someone with whom I'm still best friends and who still hasn't gotten tired of me. My other closest friendship right now was another one of those outcast kids in high school, which is a shame, since she's one of the nicest people I've ever met. (And her family's pretty cool too
.)
edited 24th Apr '12 8:26:05 PM by 0dd1
Insert witty and clever quip here. My page, as the database hates my handle.Malph: When the "be yourself" message is in play, I don't think it's ever meant to include anything but personality, and fashion, which is an accessory to personality.
Fresh-eyed movie blogHow about, "Be yourself and better yourself"? "Take your pills, gain social skills"?
edited 24th Apr '12 8:31:02 PM by 0dd1
Insert witty and clever quip here. My page, as the database hates my handle.

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This is why.
edited 24th Apr '12 3:05:08 PM by OriDoodle
Doodles