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If I was God (silly version)

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NLK Mo A Since: May, 2010
#51: Mar 18th 2012 at 3:01:22 PM

I'd also make firearms and explosives much less effective. If you've got to fight, it's hard to deny a swordfight or fistfight is much more interesting than a firefight. To that end, also increase the pain and endurance tresholds of people, as well as their reflexes.

Likes many underrated webcomics
Inhopelessguy Since: Apr, 2011
#52: Mar 18th 2012 at 3:05:34 PM

I would make huge-ass parks.

RainbowMatt Prettiest Pony :3 from the cave of unspeakable naughtiness Since: Oct, 2011 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
Prettiest Pony :3
#53: Mar 18th 2012 at 3:17:07 PM

Astra for god [awesome]

Devypu's~ Big Pony :3
Inhopelessguy Since: Apr, 2011
#54: Mar 18th 2012 at 3:17:51 PM

The car or the guy I've nicknamed? tongue

RainbowMatt Prettiest Pony :3 from the cave of unspeakable naughtiness Since: Oct, 2011 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
Prettiest Pony :3
#55: Mar 18th 2012 at 3:19:50 PM

The guy :3

Devypu's~ Big Pony :3
Inhopelessguy Since: Apr, 2011
BobBobson Very Respectable from ova dere Since: Mar, 2012
Very Respectable
#57: Mar 18th 2012 at 3:38:45 PM

Having considered this subject at length, the only idea I've had is making politicians lapse into fits of profanity while giving televised speeches.

I don't think I'd be very good at being God.

And the linking didn't work. Well, I'll figure it out soon enough.

edited 18th Mar '12 3:39:14 PM by BobBobson

randomtropeloser Since: Jan, 2001
#58: Mar 18th 2012 at 3:53:00 PM

I would turn science slumber parties into a thing.

ElRigo I'm freezing! Send help! from Baja Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Awaiting my mail-order bride
I'm freezing! Send help!
#59: Mar 18th 2012 at 4:43:17 PM

I would make sex equal prayer.

randomtropeloser Since: Jan, 2001
#60: Mar 18th 2012 at 4:49:20 PM

There are religions that already do that, though depending on where you live you may get a lot of flak for following one.

ElRigo I'm freezing! Send help! from Baja Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Awaiting my mail-order bride
I'm freezing! Send help!
#61: Mar 18th 2012 at 4:53:27 PM

DOESNT MATTER. HAD SEX

GameChainsaw The Shadows Devour You. from sunshine and rainbows! Since: Oct, 2010
The Shadows Devour You.
#62: Mar 19th 2012 at 3:27:21 AM

Other ways of messing with my subjects heads.

  • Occasionally making use of public urinals.
  • Joining in on carolling... from the sky.
  • Shaping the clouds to resemble goatse.
  • Having prayers conducted through interpretive dance.
  • Pretend to go deaf every so often so prayers have to be conducted in sign-language; fluency in sign is important!
  • Making sharks fly for short periods of time (away from people of course!)
  • Using my own name in vain.
  • Allowing people to occasionally turn their heads 360 degrees, freaking everyone else out. When they try it again, they just get a stiff neck.

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.
djmaca Secret Character from Philippines Since: Apr, 2010
Secret Character
#63: Mar 19th 2012 at 6:21:49 PM

If I was God(to which, I hope not...):

  • I will make sure that magic is real and it will advance along with math and science.

  • Clarke's Third Law is true.

edited 19th Mar '12 6:22:00 PM by djmaca

...a little brother should belong to his older sister, right? - Orimura Chifuyu
Gronkling Turquoise Hockey Puccini from 'oop North Since: Jan, 2012
Turquoise Hockey Puccini
#65: Mar 25th 2012 at 3:01:38 PM

If I was God... I'd pat a llama. And it'd be AMAZING.

Loid from Eastern Standard Time Since: Jun, 2011
#66: Mar 25th 2012 at 3:58:28 PM

@Mort

Exactly. The Midwest. smile

All joking about the periphery aside, I'd give certain people superpowers and let them do the work.

"Dr. Strangeloid, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Cleanlink" - thespacephantom
randomtropeloser Since: Jan, 2001
#67: Apr 4th 2012 at 2:36:41 AM

If I was God, I would replace the sun with a giant strobe light and turn all sound into trance music.

ElRigo I'm freezing! Send help! from Baja Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Awaiting my mail-order bride
I'm freezing! Send help!
#68: Apr 4th 2012 at 6:07:55 AM

[up] If I was god, I would make people get burned from the sun, regardless of how impractical that could be.

Wait, I am god. POOP. Done, you can now get sunburns and melanoma.

Also, I am retroactively reconning everything so it has always happened. There, magic retcon done. Who is The Man?

KarlKadaver Stupid Man Suit Wearer from Just offscreen... Since: Apr, 2011
Stupid Man Suit Wearer
#69: Apr 4th 2012 at 6:13:03 AM

If I was God, every April Fool's Day, I would give all the animals in the world different sounds.

All birds would sing in Heavy Metal riffs, dogs would make chirping sounds, cats would sound like jackhammers. Also, when the humans spoke, occasionally, they would put a non sensical word in the middle -proletariate- of whatever they were saying.

Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
pvtnum11 OMG NO NOSECONES from Kerbin low orbit Since: Nov, 2009 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
OMG NO NOSECONES
#70: Apr 4th 2012 at 2:27:27 PM

Chlorophyll is now blue.

Using DNA, I will encode the first twenty prime numbers into the dominant species' genes, and let their scientists argue over that, once it is discovered.

The numbers 1, 4 and 9 will occur in nature with alarming frequency.

Two moons, because one is simply not cool enough.

I shall speak regularly through the various sundry religious groups, although I reserve the right to not divulge substantial material and information. Occasionally, I will show a sense of humor in these instances, just to mess with people.

Happiness is zero-gee with a sinus cold.
ElRigo I'm freezing! Send help! from Baja Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Awaiting my mail-order bride
I'm freezing! Send help!
#71: Apr 4th 2012 at 5:04:06 PM

If I was god dragons would be real. And hunting you.

Malph (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#72: Apr 4th 2012 at 10:09:05 PM

I would let humans use magic. However, it would require them to shout weird things like "I'm a sexy grandpa!" and "orphan powers, activate!".

GameChainsaw The Shadows Devour You. from sunshine and rainbows! Since: Oct, 2010
The Shadows Devour You.
#73: Apr 5th 2012 at 2:00:40 AM

I would oppose the cruel dragon gods, and imprison them in the middle of the Earth where I will appoint my rebellious brother to guard them in the futile imagination that he might, somehow, not one day get sick of being in hell and let them out. I would also foresee this possibility however, and ensure that by the time this inevitably happened the mortals had heavy anti-aircraft equipment and fighter jets to deal with them.

edited 5th Apr '12 2:08:46 AM by GameChainsaw

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.
Olivetree ETERNAL from The Grave Since: Mar, 2012 Relationship Status: I'd need a PowerPoint presentation
ETERNAL
#74: Apr 5th 2012 at 5:19:19 AM

If I was to be a God, there is are a lot of things I would change, for one, I'd take the souls of the Roman Emperors and actually make them Demi-gods to rule alongside me, and I'd only ever listen to the sane ones. If the Emperors decide to descend upon Earth, I will allow them to, given that they don't fuck everything up. I might even send some of them to wage holy war on Heretics (Because I would reveal myself to the world, despite the fact that it denies faith by giving proof). I'd also Instantly solve the middle east crisis by walking into Jerusalem, wearing a fez. I'll also explain that I created the world just as science says, I created the Big Bang, and I fine tuned everything so it would turn out the way it did. I'd also then make my holy site on top of Mount Everest, so that those who wish to contact me personally and not through prayer would have to be very dedicated to their faith, the ones who die on the way by natural causes will be granted less time in purgatory (because I'd make that exist as a waiting room to go into their own personal heaven that's basically a lucid dream where they have full control and are gods in themselves.) Edit: Disregard all that, I'd just end the world, and stop it halfway through just to make sure that everyone had faith in me

edited 5th Apr '12 5:21:28 AM by Olivetree

"You'd never do something as irrational as dying."
GameChainsaw The Shadows Devour You. from sunshine and rainbows! Since: Oct, 2010
The Shadows Devour You.
#75: Apr 5th 2012 at 5:27:26 AM

Y'see, I would walk into Jerusalem wearing a fez... but I would be wearing a kippah under it and I would toff my fez to the crowds every so often, and I would be reading from a Buddhist text just to confuse things further. Also, I'd have my arms outstretched so people can argue over whether or not I'm symbolising the crucifix or am just pretending I'm an aeroplane.

edited 5th Apr '12 5:28:27 AM by GameChainsaw

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.

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