TVTropes Now available in the app store!
Open

Follow TV Tropes

Following

If I was God (silly version)

Go To

KarlKadaver Stupid Man Suit Wearer from Just offscreen... Since: Apr, 2011
Stupid Man Suit Wearer
#27: Mar 16th 2012 at 1:06:27 PM

If I was God I'd make grapefriut my "Favored Food" and see how many people eat it just so they'd gain my favor.

Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
NLK Mo A Since: May, 2010
#28: Mar 16th 2012 at 1:08:51 PM

I'd take anybody who's ever made a death/rape threat on the internet and have them meet their "victim" face-to-face.

Likes many underrated webcomics
ElRigo I'm freezing! Send help! from Baja Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Awaiting my mail-order bride
I'm freezing! Send help!
#29: Mar 16th 2012 at 1:13:01 PM

If I was god, I would have made everything in the bible true, specially the things that contradict each other. Then invent dinosaurs and retcon them into the timeline of the (now several million years old) earth just to fuck with people.

edited 16th Mar '12 1:13:26 PM by ElRigo

KarlKadaver Stupid Man Suit Wearer from Just offscreen... Since: Apr, 2011
Stupid Man Suit Wearer
#31: Mar 16th 2012 at 1:17:04 PM

[up][up] You win Being God.smile

edited 16th Mar '12 1:17:11 PM by KarlKadaver

Give the world the best you have and you will get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
Journeyman Overlording the Underworld from On a throne in a vault overlooking the Wasteland Since: Nov, 2010
Overlording the Underworld
#32: Mar 16th 2012 at 1:38:05 PM

To Matt: This is the If I were God thread. Logically, you can avoid being wiped out with the rest of the continent.

Mort08 Pirate AND writer! from Oklahoma Since: Feb, 2011 Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
Pirate AND writer!
#33: Mar 16th 2012 at 1:50:21 PM

[up] Exactly! Besides, I only intend to kill the stupid people who sponge off the rest of us and think they're all that. The rest of you can live. smile

Looking for some stories?
Catfish42 Bloody Fossil from world´s favourite country. Since: Dec, 2010 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world
Bloody Fossil
#34: Mar 16th 2012 at 2:01:04 PM

I'd keep knocking down ugly churches until they make me prettier ones.

A different shape every step I take A different mind every step of the line
Inhopelessguy Since: Apr, 2011
#35: Mar 16th 2012 at 2:02:02 PM

I shall create a United Earth! Yes!

WITH ME AS SUPREME PRESIDENT!

edited 16th Mar '12 2:02:36 PM by Inhopelessguy

ElRigo I'm freezing! Send help! from Baja Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Awaiting my mail-order bride
I'm freezing! Send help!
#36: Mar 16th 2012 at 2:06:57 PM

[up] Funny story, that is how egypt started.

GameChainsaw The Shadows Devour You. from sunshine and rainbows! Since: Oct, 2010
The Shadows Devour You.
#37: Mar 16th 2012 at 5:29:25 PM

  • If my subjects decide to become decadent and immoral, I will not smite them from the face of the Earth. If I created them, their faults are mine. Instead, I will turn any attempted crime back upon the attempter. This should self-correct the malignant behaviour... assuming it wasn't a murder attempt. Again, natural selection at work.
  • I will not create evidence of millions of years of pre-human history before humans and evidence the Earth formed from a hot dense sphere of iron and rock, and then proceed to write a book telling my subjects that the world was created in seven days and is only 6000 years old. While the arguments are hilarious to watch at first, it becomes rather boring when they repeat themselves for a thousand years.
  • If one group of followers who have made one massive guess about my true nature declare a holy war against another group of guessers, I will inform them that this is against my wishes. In writing. That is 1000 foot tall, and ablaze with holy fire. And then proceed to point out that this would be rather hard to conduct without weapons anyway.
  • I will question the wisdom in being vague enough about my nature that people create thousands of guesses about my true form and wishes in the first place.
  • Before attempting to teach any lessons to my subjects about my power/goodness/knowledge, I will consult my ten year old advisor about why he hasn't been checking my powerhungry madness thoroughly enough to realise that flaunting my power in such a way may be more than a little self-centred.
  • I will question the need to send floods, plagues or other nasties to punish horrible rulers. A strongly worded letter appearing emblazoned in burnt blood across his chest as he wakes one morning gets the message across with considerably less collateral damage.
  • When confronted with the question "Why does God let bad things happen" I will not dismiss this by stating that my plan is beyond mortal ken, but will take this accusation to heart, and consider my role in the disaster and how it can best be averted next time. I will compensate victims as necessary.

edited 16th Mar '12 5:33:03 PM by GameChainsaw

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.
AikoHeiwa I AM NOT A TREE from Aikoland Since: Feb, 2011
I AM NOT A TREE
#38: Mar 16th 2012 at 5:33:36 PM

Also I'd destroy all individuality and collect all souls into one giant sea.

NO I DID NOT STEAL THIS FROM A MOVIE.

NO TREE FOR ME (ALSO LOVES HER BOYFRIEND)
NLK Mo A Since: May, 2010
#39: Mar 16th 2012 at 6:53:32 PM

[up][up] I believe this is the silly version dude, not the thinly-veiled Take That!.

Likes many underrated webcomics
IraTheSquire Since: Apr, 2010
#40: Mar 16th 2012 at 7:30:42 PM

Well, he did started the thread.

drunkscriblerian Street Writing Man from Castle Geekhaven Since: Oct, 2010 Relationship Status: In season
Street Writing Man
#42: Mar 16th 2012 at 10:06:20 PM

I'd create a Messiah with low self-esteem. He wouldn't believe in himself, and I'd call him blasphemous. Then I'd kill him.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed. ~Cora M. Strayer~
Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#43: Mar 17th 2012 at 12:36:15 AM

I would overwrite the world with my fantasies of fluffy bunnies and unusually pretty crossdressing boys and girls playing with each other innocently. I don't understand people who have fantasies that they wouldn't want in real life. Oh also make them all invincible and have them pilot giant robots that look vaguely like knights.

The same goes for a serious version, because, well, omnipotence lol.

Piracy would be legal, but all pirates would have to learn ballet, wear pink frilly dresses, introduce themselves with "deary me, I am a pirate fairy"
Uh huh...
and tattoo "I just need to be loved" to their foreheads
Hell no! Say hello to your new Lucifer!

edited 17th Mar '12 12:39:05 AM by Edmania

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
tehjinx i'm delicious from new jersey Since: Apr, 2011 Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
i'm delicious
#44: Mar 17th 2012 at 7:09:15 AM

If I were God, my first action would be creating a universal text of reference that states, explicitly, conflicts are to be settled with a game of old school Mario Kart, no blue shells. Because that's cheap. Afterward I would make it known that I exist and I do indeed see everything, just to make going to the bathroom awkward for all of humanity. I would then create a physical avatar to exist among mortal beings, not in my own image though. My avatar would be my ideal physical preferences and personality traits in a woman. And she'd be really chill and explain things about me as openly and frankly as possible.

"Just because someone showers doesn't mean they don't play games. " - lolacat
GameChainsaw The Shadows Devour You. from sunshine and rainbows! Since: Oct, 2010
The Shadows Devour You.
#45: Mar 17th 2012 at 12:25:53 PM

  • Breaking into random musical numbers like in the musicals will be taken as a sign of extreme piety and encouraged through signs.
  • If I see fit to appoint a head of religion, I will occasionally pop down to have a pint with him, just to mess with the heads of my followers.
  • I will have an entire chapter in my holy book devoted to the wisdom of not taking matters which are not life threatening too seriously.

@Edmania: I was referring to actual pirates, not their internet brethren.

edited 17th Mar '12 12:27:04 PM by GameChainsaw

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.
tehjinx i'm delicious from new jersey Since: Apr, 2011 Relationship Status: Hoping Senpai notices me
i'm delicious
#47: Mar 17th 2012 at 12:53:24 PM

[up][up] I like the bit about not taking things too serious.

[up]Which part did you dig most?

"Just because someone showers doesn't mean they don't play games. " - lolacat
NLK Mo A Since: May, 2010
#48: Mar 17th 2012 at 2:32:21 PM

Random musicals, not being too serious and making people uncomfortable.

Likes many underrated webcomics
GameChainsaw The Shadows Devour You. from sunshine and rainbows! Since: Oct, 2010
The Shadows Devour You.
#49: Mar 18th 2012 at 6:04:45 AM

  • Create two avatars of myself to march in opposing rallies; one on one side, the other on the other. Both will initially believe that God is on their side. This will lead to hilarious confusion when they see him on the other side as well. I will boom congratulations to the first group that works out that whose side God is on makes no difference to what is actually right or wrong.
  • I will make rioters clothes spontaneously disappear, leaving them cold and exposed to the elements. It's hard to take a group of streakers seriously. (Particularly violent-minded rioters may also recieve frilly ballerina costumes and demeaning tattoos.)
  • If a protest is being held against a government decision, I will teleport the leader and cabinet of said government directly into the path of the protestors. If they are still trying to push through the legislation after being directly confronted by the people most angered by it, I will conclude that they at least believe in what they are doing.

edited 18th Mar '12 9:42:31 AM by GameChainsaw

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.
Aqueos Nova here from Los Angeles Since: Dec, 2011 Relationship Status: Californicating
#50: Mar 18th 2012 at 2:39:31 PM

I would change prayer to learning a dance of my choice.

It changes every month, and is ALWAYS in a language you can't understand.

For bonus points, you need to cross dress sometimes since it will always be exclusively men or women's.

edited 18th Mar '12 2:39:53 PM by Aqueos

Bet you didn't see that coming

Total posts: 94
Top