I'd take anybody who's ever made a death/rape threat on the internet and have them meet their "victim" face-to-face.
Likes many underrated webcomicsSo you you're a wannabe King Piccolo?
I vowed, and so did you: Beyond this wall- we would make it through.
Exactly! Besides, I only intend to kill the stupid people who sponge off the rest of us and think they're all that. The rest of you can live.
- If my subjects decide to become decadent and immoral, I will not smite them from the face of the Earth. If I created them, their faults are mine. Instead, I will turn any attempted crime back upon the attempter. This should self-correct the malignant behaviour... assuming it wasn't a murder attempt. Again, natural selection at work.
- I will not create evidence of millions of years of pre-human history before humans and evidence the Earth formed from a hot dense sphere of iron and rock, and then proceed to write a book telling my subjects that the world was created in seven days and is only 6000 years old. While the arguments are hilarious to watch at first, it becomes rather boring when they repeat themselves for a thousand years.
- If one group of followers who have made one massive guess about my true nature declare a holy war against another group of guessers, I will inform them that this is against my wishes. In writing. That is 1000 foot tall, and ablaze with holy fire. And then proceed to point out that this would be rather hard to conduct without weapons anyway.
- I will question the wisdom in being vague enough about my nature that people create thousands of guesses about my true form and wishes in the first place.
- Before attempting to teach any lessons to my subjects about my power/goodness/knowledge, I will consult my ten year old advisor about why he hasn't been checking my powerhungry madness thoroughly enough to realise that flaunting my power in such a way may be more than a little self-centred.
- I will question the need to send floods, plagues or other nasties to punish horrible rulers. A strongly worded letter appearing emblazoned in burnt blood across his chest as he wakes one morning gets the message across with considerably less collateral damage.
- When confronted with the question "Why does God let bad things happen" I will not dismiss this by stating that my plan is beyond mortal ken, but will take this accusation to heart, and consider my role in the disaster and how it can best be averted next time. I will compensate victims as necessary.
edited 16th Mar '12 5:33:03 PM by GameChainsaw
The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.Also I'd destroy all individuality and collect all souls into one giant sea.
NO I DID NOT STEAL THIS FROM A MOVIE.
NO TREE FOR ME (ALSO LOVES HER BOYFRIEND)![]()
I believe this is the silly version dude, not the thinly-veiled Take That!.
I would overwrite the world with my fantasies of fluffy bunnies and unusually pretty crossdressing boys and girls playing with each other innocently. I don't understand people who have fantasies that they wouldn't want in real life. Oh also make them all invincible and have them pilot giant robots that look vaguely like knights.
The same goes for a serious version, because, well, omnipotence lol.
edited 17th Mar '12 12:39:05 AM by Edmania
If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.If I were God, my first action would be creating a universal text of reference that states, explicitly, conflicts are to be settled with a game of old school Mario Kart, no blue shells. Because that's cheap. Afterward I would make it known that I exist and I do indeed see everything, just to make going to the bathroom awkward for all of humanity. I would then create a physical avatar to exist among mortal beings, not in my own image though. My avatar would be my ideal physical preferences and personality traits in a woman. And she'd be really chill and explain things about me as openly and frankly as possible.
"Just because someone showers doesn't mean they don't play games. " - lolacat- Breaking into random musical numbers like in the musicals will be taken as a sign of extreme piety and encouraged through signs.
- If I see fit to appoint a head of religion, I will occasionally pop down to have a pint with him, just to mess with the heads of my followers.
- I will have an entire chapter in my holy book devoted to the wisdom of not taking matters which are not life threatening too seriously.
@Edmania: I was referring to actual pirates, not their internet brethren.
edited 17th Mar '12 12:27:04 PM by GameChainsaw
The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.![]()
I like the bit about not taking things too serious.
Which part did you dig most?
Random musicals, not being too serious and making people uncomfortable.
Likes many underrated webcomics- Create two avatars of myself to march in opposing rallies; one on one side, the other on the other. Both will initially believe that God is on their side. This will lead to hilarious confusion when they see him on the other side as well. I will boom congratulations to the first group that works out that whose side God is on makes no difference to what is actually right or wrong.
- I will make rioters clothes spontaneously disappear, leaving them cold and exposed to the elements. It's hard to take a group of streakers seriously. (Particularly violent-minded rioters may also recieve frilly ballerina costumes and demeaning tattoos.)
- If a protest is being held against a government decision, I will teleport the leader and cabinet of said government directly into the path of the protestors. If they are still trying to push through the legislation after being directly confronted by the people most angered by it, I will conclude that they at least believe in what they are doing.
edited 18th Mar '12 9:42:31 AM by GameChainsaw
The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.I would change prayer to learning a dance of my choice.
It changes every month, and is ALWAYS in a language you can't understand.
For bonus points, you need to cross dress sometimes since it will always be exclusively men or women's.
edited 18th Mar '12 2:39:53 PM by Aqueos
Bet you didn't see that coming

If I was God I would create a boulder heavier than I can lift.
I vowed, and so did you: Beyond this wall- we would make it through.