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If I was God (silly version)

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GameChainsaw The Shadows Devour You. from sunshine and rainbows! Since: Oct, 2010
The Shadows Devour You.
#1: Mar 15th 2012 at 2:55:59 PM

  • Elephants would occasionally form conga lines, when they thought nobody was looking. When spotted, they would drop down, eyeing one another shiftily.
  • It would rain delicious apple cider every seven days, a substance that I would adapt plants to be able to make use of just like they do water.
  • On Easter Sunday, there will be a free Easter Bunny for everyone; but you have to catch yours and skin it first.
  • Fox hunting would be legal, but the fox would have a tank, and it would be doing the-dohohoho, this one's been done!
  • Dictators noses would grow longer every time they told a lie. Wait, make that politicians in general.
  • The Himalayas will periodically boom out "WORSHIP ME!" every so often. Only during the day though; I know my worshippers sleep is important.
  • Instead of nuclear waste, nuclear power plants will produce super-power inducing fog.
    • Said superpowers include, but are not limited to; super strength, genius intellect, psychic powers, flight, (winged and Flying Brick varieties) and my personal favourite, the ability to manifest any substance predominately made of sugar.
    • Secondary powers included.
  • I would manifest occasionally, because angels are boring to talk to. I know this from personal experience of course.
  • Anyone who tried to use a weapon in anger would find it wrapped around their... arm, with a note telling them they're very naughty and the next time they try that, they'll find it around their throat.
    • (Any who ignore this warning will be put down to natural selection.)
  • If you have more than $100,000 a year coming in, and you don't spend at least $1000 of that on making someones life other than your own a bit better, I will take half of that money and spend it on throwing parties for orphaned children in deprived areas.
  • Education in speaking in tongues would be mandatory language curriculum in all countries.
  • I would have a level-headed ten year old with a good heart standing beside me at all times ready to whisper up to me every so often that I was going mad with power. The ten year old would be cycled out with others every day, and there'd be one for every day of the year, so they don't miss too much time with their families.
  • Any two nations fighting over some site that was last relevant to the attacker more than 40 years previously (with their bare fists of course, seeing as weapons now choke people) would find that site would mysteriously migrate to the middle of the nicest islands of the Caribbean, dump any people who happened to be in the area there, leave them to enjoy the impromptu holiday, and then throw itself into the sea, the resulting splash of water flipping the mickey in the vague direction of the squabbling factions. Also everybody there would mysteriously recieve icecream and a shower of strawberry milk.
  • Piracy would be legal, but all pirates would have to learn ballet, wear pink frilly dresses, introduce themselves with "deary me, I am a pirate fairy" and tattoo "I just need to be loved" to their foreheads before being allowed to set sail. Volunteers would be in short supply. Violators of these instructions would sink immediately and be delivered, covered in barnacles, to the nearest city with a heavy police presence.

edited 15th Mar '12 2:57:41 PM by GameChainsaw

The term "Great Man" is disturbingly interchangeable with "mass murderer" in history books.
Carciofus Is that cake frosting? from Alpha Tucanae I Since: May, 2010
Is that cake frosting?
#2: Mar 15th 2012 at 3:07:36 PM

I would smite all the people who use "If I was" instead of "if I were". tongue

No, I'm kidding. I still have no idea of which is the correct form when.

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
IraTheSquire Since: Apr, 2010
#3: Mar 15th 2012 at 3:32:40 PM

  • Give god-like powers to everyone. And then make "All your Realities are belong to us" a meme.

Enthryn (they/them) Since: Nov, 2010
(they/them)
#4: Mar 15th 2012 at 4:55:40 PM

@Carciofus: Use "I were" in the subjunctive, "I was" elsewhere. The most common occurrences of the subjunctive in English are in dependent clauses expressing causal relationships ("if I were..."), purpose ("so that/lest it happen..."), or other things relating to possible but not actual situations ("I wish that..."/"I prefer that...").

Aondeug Oh My from Our Dreams Since: Jun, 2009
Oh My
#5: Mar 15th 2012 at 4:56:56 PM

Just use "All" and be pretentious and hideously vague, Carc. It's the in thing with gods.

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah
AXavierB Since: Jan, 2001
#6: Mar 15th 2012 at 5:00:18 PM

In addition to ruling the main universe, I'd give everyone their own pocket dimension to escape into whenever they didn't feel like dealing with reality.

Malph (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#7: Mar 15th 2012 at 5:21:56 PM

  • I'd make it well-known that I exist.
  • I'd make it known that a single mental patient speaks my word. No one will know who it is but me. I don't know what purpose this will serve, but it'll be fun.
  • I'd smite anyone who claims I told them to do something extreme. Unless, of course, I really did.
  • My realm would be a land similar to Wonderland or The Shivering Isles. Anyone can visit if they want as long as a world mindfuck doesn't bother them.
  • Every 1,000 years I'd destroy the realm and rebuild it. Because after a millennium of living somewhere, you need a change of scenery.

Pyrite Until further notice from Right. Beneath. You. Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Hiding
Until further notice
#8: Mar 15th 2012 at 5:23:35 PM

Because it had to be done eventually:

Not a substitute for a formal medical consultation.
Malph (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#9: Mar 15th 2012 at 5:26:22 PM

[up] I'd make a rock so big even I couldn't lift it, then throw it at someone to smite them.

AikoHeiwa I AM NOT A TREE from Aikoland Since: Feb, 2011
I AM NOT A TREE
#11: Mar 15th 2012 at 7:36:27 PM

I'd give everyone their own unicorn that they can ride and not use for any nefarious purposes.

NO TREE FOR ME (ALSO LOVES HER BOYFRIEND)
RainbowMatt Prettiest Pony :3 from the cave of unspeakable naughtiness Since: Oct, 2011 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
Prettiest Pony :3
#12: Mar 15th 2012 at 7:39:16 PM

.. and not use for any nefarious purposes

Awww...

edited 15th Mar '12 7:39:33 PM by RainbowMatt

Devypu's~ Big Pony :3
AikoHeiwa I AM NOT A TREE from Aikoland Since: Feb, 2011
I AM NOT A TREE
#13: Mar 15th 2012 at 7:40:22 PM

ALSO I'D GIVE EVERYBODY A COPY OF THE GREATEST GAME EVER MADE

SUPER

MARIO

BROTHERS

THREE

NO TREE FOR ME (ALSO LOVES HER BOYFRIEND)
Aondeug Oh My from Our Dreams Since: Jun, 2009
Oh My
#14: Mar 15th 2012 at 7:44:44 PM

Can I burn it?

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah
AikoHeiwa I AM NOT A TREE from Aikoland Since: Feb, 2011
I AM NOT A TREE
#15: Mar 15th 2012 at 8:05:21 PM

NO

NO TREE FOR ME (ALSO LOVES HER BOYFRIEND)
IraTheSquire Since: Apr, 2010
Journeyman Overlording the Underworld from On a throne in a vault overlooking the Wasteland Since: Nov, 2010
Overlording the Underworld
#17: Mar 15th 2012 at 9:17:58 PM

I'd find the closest aliens who have their shit together and send some of them to Earth with instructions, "Show them how it's done. Don't worry about failure, you're insured for that with ALLSTATE and Farmer's."

AStrayBard Sega's Last Hope from 867-5309 Since: Aug, 2011 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
Sega's Last Hope
#18: Mar 15th 2012 at 9:22:37 PM

I'd use The Sun as my personal heater.

Tropers watching movies
Mort08 Pirate AND writer! from Oklahoma Since: Feb, 2011 Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
Pirate AND writer!
#19: Mar 15th 2012 at 9:30:30 PM

I'd cause the east and west coasts of America to fall into the ocean.

Looking for some stories?
Journeyman Overlording the Underworld from On a throne in a vault overlooking the Wasteland Since: Nov, 2010
Overlording the Underworld
#20: Mar 15th 2012 at 9:31:10 PM

[up] Why?

I'd rewind the sun so it lasts a while longer.

Mort08 Pirate AND writer! from Oklahoma Since: Feb, 2011 Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
Pirate AND writer!
#21: Mar 15th 2012 at 9:34:30 PM

Because it's filled with idiots.

I would, however, considering saving those with a high enough IQ.

edited 15th Mar '12 9:35:26 PM by Mort08

Looking for some stories?
Loid from Eastern Standard Time Since: Jun, 2011
#22: Mar 16th 2012 at 5:26:19 AM

I'd do the inverse and destroy the mid-west.

"Dr. Strangeloid, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Cleanlink" - thespacephantom
RainbowMatt Prettiest Pony :3 from the cave of unspeakable naughtiness Since: Oct, 2011 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
Prettiest Pony :3
#23: Mar 16th 2012 at 5:28:50 AM

Wait, wut loid?

Devypu's~ Big Pony :3
Journeyman Overlording the Underworld from On a throne in a vault overlooking the Wasteland Since: Nov, 2010
Overlording the Underworld
#24: Mar 16th 2012 at 7:42:52 AM

I think Loid's taking offense to having his (and my) home turf destroyed and sunk in the ocean.

No, the coasts aren't full of idiots, they just have two areas sponging off the rest of the country and trying to act like they're the greatest things in the world. Rechannel the Colorado River, and L.A. becomes a desert again. D.C. was once a swamp. . . play with that.

RainbowMatt Prettiest Pony :3 from the cave of unspeakable naughtiness Since: Oct, 2011 Relationship Status: And they all lived happily ever after <3
Prettiest Pony :3
#25: Mar 16th 2012 at 12:53:40 PM

But I don't wanna be wiped out :(

Devypu's~ Big Pony :3

Total posts: 94
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