TVTropes Now available in the app store!
Open

Follow TV Tropes

Following

Helping complete strangers with personal problems

Go To

LatverianBadger Calamity is a housewife from gacha hell Since: Jan, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
Calamity is a housewife
#1: Mar 3rd 2012 at 9:48:11 PM

Just saw a woman crying on the bus...Felt like I should have talked to her but, she's a total stranger. Couldnt handle the awkwardness. Should I have talked to her?

What would you have done?

"Shake the dust." - Anis Mojgani
spasticgecko Dat Troper from Maryland Since: Oct, 2011
Dat Troper
#2: Mar 3rd 2012 at 9:50:44 PM

I feel like it's a game of chance. Nowadays most people would probably see it as creepy, while a select few would find it enormously touching. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's worth the risk.

Trollkastel Not a Princess from the Tea Party Since: Dec, 2011
Not a Princess
#3: Mar 3rd 2012 at 9:51:17 PM

If you have tissue paper, you can always try handing it to her.

Tea is best served with fellow monsters. | MAL
HungryJoe Gristknife from Under the Tree Since: Dec, 2009
Gristknife
#4: Mar 3rd 2012 at 9:52:09 PM

^That's a good move.

Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
AngryScientist Nostalgia from Russia with Love Since: Nov, 2009
Nostalgia
#5: Mar 3rd 2012 at 10:45:07 PM

I would think most people would welcome it.

I guess it depends on why they're crying, though.

Exelixi Lesbarian from Alchemist's workshop Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: Armed with the Power of Love
Lesbarian
#6: Mar 3rd 2012 at 10:55:08 PM

I don't care if someone might think I'm creepy, if I see someone in pain, I help. Brighid's charge and all.

Mura: -flips the bird to veterinary science with one hand and Euclidean geometry with the other-
Aondeug Oh My from Our Dreams Since: Jun, 2009
Oh My
#7: Mar 3rd 2012 at 11:20:41 PM

Distressed people are one of the few situations where I can confront a stranger oddly...I MUST HELP. The most recent time was a man having trouble with his family on the bus. It was quite a long ride and I gave him what I advice I could and listened to him.

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah
LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#8: Mar 3rd 2012 at 11:24:09 PM

I would probably ask them "Are you OK" or "Do you need anything" first. I know that when I'm upset in public the absolute LAST thing I want is for people to approach me.

Be not afraid...
Aondeug Oh My from Our Dreams Since: Jun, 2009
Oh My
#9: Mar 3rd 2012 at 11:24:51 PM

That's how I start.

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah
Grimview Catalytic from British Columbia Since: Mar, 2012
Catalytic
#10: Mar 3rd 2012 at 11:47:07 PM

It really depends on context, but generally asking them what's wrong won't be taken as a bad thing, in my experience.

But I also seem to be one of those rare people who is naturally trusted very easily, so my experience may not be typical.

Really, if you at least show them that someone around them is curious enough to try and help - even if they don't tell you anything - it can be some help to them, in a moral support type of way.

"Lock up your girlfriends, lock up your wives, Grim's on the loose so run for your lives." - Pyrite
ElRigo I'm freezing! Send help! from Baja Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Awaiting my mail-order bride
I'm freezing! Send help!
#11: Mar 4th 2012 at 1:25:00 AM

Rule of thumb in my case. If you have a choice between following usual social norms/ Doing the shy thing VS. Doing the right thing, most of the time I will do the right thing.

ekuseruekuseru 名無しさん from Australia Since: Oct, 2009
名無しさん
#12: Mar 4th 2012 at 1:47:00 AM

The right thing is to leave people alone.

Telcontar In uffish thought from England Since: Feb, 2012
In uffish thought
#13: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:06:16 AM

[up] The right thing varies depending on context. Sometimes when I'm upset, I want someone to say something; other times, I'm praying nobody will notice. The only way to know if someone wants help of some kind is to ask them, so in principle that's what I think one should do. In practice, I'm too shy.

That was the amazing part. Things just keep going.
ekuseruekuseru 名無しさん from Australia Since: Oct, 2009
名無しさん
#14: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:26:08 AM

That doesn't change the fact that it's the right thing to leave the person alone.

Exelixi Lesbarian from Alchemist's workshop Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: Armed with the Power of Love
Lesbarian
#15: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:27:07 AM

You seem to be confusing your opinions for facts. Kindly look up the definition of "fact."

Mura: -flips the bird to veterinary science with one hand and Euclidean geometry with the other-
ThatHuman someone from someplace Since: Jun, 2010
someone
#16: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:30:41 AM

Some of us might not need any help from a complete stranger who can't give us want we want, no?

something
Carciofus Is that cake frosting? from Alpha Tucanae I Since: May, 2010
Is that cake frosting?
#17: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:32:56 AM

I suppose that you are defining "the right thing" as "the thing that brings more happiness in the world?" If so, I would say it depends, both on the person who is having trouble and on the would-be helper. Myself, I am pretty sure I would be hugely awkward if I tried that, and perhaps I would even make things worse; so, all thing considered, it's probably not a good idea for me to attempt something of this kind.

But if someone has a more engaging personality, and they wish to lend a helping ear? Well, major kudos to them! The world can definitely use some more empathy...

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#18: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:33:49 AM

Some people might just want to be left alone. Others might be sitting there dying for someone to come over and help them. The only way you're going to know which one this person is is to ask.

And really, as long as they take a hint and go away when asked instead of insisting "Come on, tell me! I can help!", I wouldn't mind such a thing.

Be not afraid...
ekuseruekuseru 名無しさん from Australia Since: Oct, 2009
名無しさん
#19: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:39:03 AM
Thumped: Wow. That was rude. Too many of this kind of thump will bring a suspension. Please keep it civil.
Carciofus Is that cake frosting? from Alpha Tucanae I Since: May, 2010
Is that cake frosting?
#20: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:47:22 AM

Nope what? The world does not need more empathy?

That statement so blatantly false I am pretty sure I would have to invent a whole new truth value in order to represent it in a formal system. I will call this new truth value "hyperfalse" tongue.

More concern for other people's well-being is precisely what we need in order to make this world a more pleasant place.

edited 4th Mar '12 5:47:43 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#21: Mar 4th 2012 at 5:47:23 AM

Aaand your opinion that people should always be left alone is just you. Your point?

Be not afraid...
Ozbourne Part-Time Omen of Death from if it fits, I sits (Edited uphill both ways) Relationship Status: Crazy Cat Lady
Part-Time Omen of Death
#22: Mar 4th 2012 at 7:22:19 AM

For me it depends on the situation. If someone seems to be intentionally sitting alone or using body language that seems withdrawn, I tend to presume they'd rather be left alone. Otherwise I will usually ask what's wrong, because though I know I might not be someone who can help, I can at the very least show that I care.

And sometimes I can help, like the time I was on a bus with a guy who was cursing under his breath about how he'd just gotten a spot on his new work shirt on the way to an interview and I happened to have one of those Tide-to-go pens in my purse that I could loan him.

Stupid doomed timeline...
Trollkastel Not a Princess from the Tea Party Since: Dec, 2011
Not a Princess
#23: Mar 4th 2012 at 7:25:24 AM

It depends on how sociable you are.

While I am possibly a misanthropist, I have the "ability" to socialize. During airport trips, old men and women love to talk to me about politics and middle-age life; it's like they're giving me advice. I also realize that I am comforting them as well; they tend to be lonely from business trips and a listening young adult always help.

In a sense, I am helping them cope their personal problems indirectly. Listening is a good thing to learn.

Tea is best served with fellow monsters. | MAL
ekuseruekuseru 名無しさん from Australia Since: Oct, 2009
名無しさん
#24: Mar 4th 2012 at 1:37:17 PM

Apparently I was thumped for being rude here, which doesn't make much sense to me. Being accused, on no valid grounds, of presenting opinion as fact is something like a personal insult, so perhaps we should consider this.

The "Nope" was to this part:

defining "the right thing" as "the thing that brings more happiness in the world?"

Aaand your opinion that people should always be left alone is just you. Your point?
I don't reckon I've explained myself at all, so you seem to be arguing with things that haven't been said. It's not my opinion; it's a general guideline.

Since you all seem eager to get ahead of yourselves, I'll make myself clear:

Option A can further upset others through action, which places responsibility on the one who acts.
Option B can further upset others through inaction, leaving the one who does not act free of responsibility.

What this hinges on is the knowledge of whether or not somebody wants you to speak to them about whatever is wrong. Assuming it is a stranger, you cannot know this, and so:

The stranger is upset, but we do not know whether the stranger wishes to be spoken to by you about their problems.
Assuming you speak to the stranger, we have two relevant outcomes:

  • the stranger benefits from your counselling and is less upset - you are responsible for this through action
  • the stranger does not benefit from your counselling and is more upset - you are responsible for this through action

Assuming you do not speak to the stranger, we have two relevant outcomes:

  • the stranger would have had benefit from your counselling, and instead remains without the potential relief from how upset they are - but you are not responsible for this
  • the stranger would not have had benefit from your counselling and it was always best to leave him alone - but you are not responsible, anyway

What we might establish here is that whereas one course of action, given the premise that we do not know the effects on the stranger, will always result in a lack of responsibility for further upsetting the stranger, one course of action will sometimes make things worse and sometimes make things better - and you are responsible for either one. From this perspective, it is better not to risk doing wrong for the marginal possibility of doing right, as you can at the very least guarantee that you do no wrong or harm by taking the route of inaction.

edited 4th Mar '12 1:37:39 PM by ekuseruekuseru

Loid from Eastern Standard Time Since: Jun, 2011
#25: Mar 4th 2012 at 4:58:41 PM

But it's more about the OTHER person, ekuseru.

Either way, always leaving them alone doesn't help them at all, and if you do decide to help, they might benefit from it.

edited 4th Mar '12 4:59:56 PM by Loid

"Dr. Strangeloid, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Cleanlink" - thespacephantom

Total posts: 143
Top