If you have tissue paper, you can always try handing it to her.
Tea is best served with fellow monsters. | MALDistressed people are one of the few situations where I can confront a stranger oddly...I MUST HELP. The most recent time was a man having trouble with his family on the bus. It was quite a long ride and I gave him what I advice I could and listened to him.
If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan ChahIt really depends on context, but generally asking them what's wrong won't be taken as a bad thing, in my experience.
But I also seem to be one of those rare people who is naturally trusted very easily, so my experience may not be typical.
Really, if you at least show them that someone around them is curious enough to try and help - even if they don't tell you anything - it can be some help to them, in a moral support type of way.
"Lock up your girlfriends, lock up your wives, Grim's on the loose so run for your lives." - Pyrite
The right thing varies depending on context. Sometimes when I'm upset, I want someone to say something; other times, I'm praying nobody will notice. The only way to know if someone wants help of some kind is to ask them, so in principle that's what I think one should do. In practice, I'm too shy.
I suppose that you are defining "the right thing" as "the thing that brings more happiness in the world?" If so, I would say it depends, both on the person who is having trouble and on the would-be helper. Myself, I am pretty sure I would be hugely awkward if I tried that, and perhaps I would even make things worse; so, all thing considered, it's probably not a good idea for me to attempt something of this kind.
But if someone has a more engaging personality, and they wish to lend a helping ear? Well, major kudos to them! The world can definitely use some more empathy...
But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.Some people might just want to be left alone. Others might be sitting there dying for someone to come over and help them. The only way you're going to know which one this person is is to ask.
And really, as long as they take a hint and go away when asked instead of insisting "Come on, tell me! I can help!", I wouldn't mind such a thing.
Be not afraid...Nope what? The world does not need more empathy?
That statement so blatantly false I am pretty sure I would have to invent a whole new truth value in order to represent it in a formal system. I will call this new truth value "hyperfalse"
.
More concern for other people's well-being is precisely what we need in order to make this world a more pleasant place.
edited 4th Mar '12 5:47:43 AM by Carciofus
But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.For me it depends on the situation. If someone seems to be intentionally sitting alone or using body language that seems withdrawn, I tend to presume they'd rather be left alone. Otherwise I will usually ask what's wrong, because though I know I might not be someone who can help, I can at the very least show that I care.
And sometimes I can help, like the time I was on a bus with a guy who was cursing under his breath about how he'd just gotten a spot on his new work shirt on the way to an interview and I happened to have one of those Tide-to-go pens in my purse that I could loan him.
Stupid doomed timeline...It depends on how sociable you are.
While I am possibly a misanthropist, I have the "ability" to socialize. During airport trips, old men and women love to talk to me about politics and middle-age life; it's like they're giving me advice. I also realize that I am comforting them as well; they tend to be lonely from business trips and a listening young adult always help.
In a sense, I am helping them cope their personal problems indirectly. Listening is a good thing to learn.
Tea is best served with fellow monsters. | MALApparently I was thumped for being rude here, which doesn't make much sense to me. Being accused, on no valid grounds, of presenting opinion as fact is something like a personal insult, so perhaps we should consider this.
The "Nope" was to this part:
Since you all seem eager to get ahead of yourselves, I'll make myself clear:
Option A can further upset others through action, which places responsibility on the one who acts.
Option B can further upset others through inaction, leaving the one who does not act free of responsibility.
What this hinges on is the knowledge of whether or not somebody wants you to speak to them about whatever is wrong. Assuming it is a stranger, you cannot know this, and so:
The stranger is upset, but we do not know whether the stranger wishes to be spoken to by you about their problems.
Assuming you speak to the stranger, we have two relevant outcomes:
- the stranger benefits from your counselling and is less upset - you are responsible for this through action
- the stranger does not benefit from your counselling and is more upset - you are responsible for this through action
Assuming you do not speak to the stranger, we have two relevant outcomes:
- the stranger would have had benefit from your counselling, and instead remains without the potential relief from how upset they are - but you are not responsible for this
- the stranger would not have had benefit from your counselling and it was always best to leave him alone - but you are not responsible, anyway
What we might establish here is that whereas one course of action, given the premise that we do not know the effects on the stranger, will always result in a lack of responsibility for further upsetting the stranger, one course of action will sometimes make things worse and sometimes make things better - and you are responsible for either one. From this perspective, it is better not to risk doing wrong for the marginal possibility of doing right, as you can at the very least guarantee that you do no wrong or harm by taking the route of inaction.
edited 4th Mar '12 1:37:39 PM by ekuseruekuseru
But it's more about the OTHER person, ekuseru.
Either way, always leaving them alone doesn't help them at all, and if you do decide to help, they might benefit from it.
edited 4th Mar '12 4:59:56 PM by Loid
"Dr. Strangeloid, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Cleanlink" - thespacephantom

Just saw a woman crying on the bus...Felt like I should have talked to her but, she's a total stranger. Couldnt handle the awkwardness. Should I have talked to her?
What would you have done?
"Shake the dust." - Anis Mojgani