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ChrisisCraziest Indomitable from Bountiful, Utah Since: Feb, 2010
Indomitable
#26: Jan 15th 2012 at 8:02:14 PM

>Mari: Begin operation: dick around in land

The people have been waiting long enough, you'd say it's time to get this show on the road.

Now that you've gotten Sally in, the first step of business is MALICIOUS RETCONNING. Nothing to see here!

Second order of business is figuring out what your land actually is. You've been sitting pretty inside your perfectly intact apartment, which has absolutely no holes in the walls or other damage, unlike a bunch of other losers. Only thing you know is that it's damn noisy outside. Not that's it's bothering you or anything! You've got a little thing called inner serenity, helps you look past petty annoyances like that.

To that end, you walk out to the living room, and the expansive view it offers. This used to be a highrise condo before it got medium'd, best view in the city. Now all you can see is a wall of greyish green outside. Looks like... rain? Ugh, how unpleasant. You've always preferred it when it's sunny. Nothing for it but to wait it out, you guess. Even with your myriad of talents, you can't control the weather. Actually, note to self, figure out way to control weather. Gonna throw that one on your to do list.

You walk around to the other windows, they all show the same thing. Rain rain rain rain rain. So cash.

On second thought, who knows how long this storm will last? Waiting it out could be bad. Sloooooooow. And you want to get to work here as soon as possible. You'll have to lead the team once everybody's gotten into their medium groove, after all.

To that end, you throw on your heaviest coat and a very nice pair of boots, grab an umbrella, take one last admiring look in a mirror, and step out your back door.

Holy shit this wind is strong and WOOPS there goes your umbrella.

You kind of stare at your umbrella tumbling away along the ground before disappearing into the walls of rain a couple seconds later. Man, you loved that umbrella. Sort of. As much as someone might actually love an umbrella. Rain is driving right into your face too. Not gonna have anything dry left at all when you go back inside. And actually, the rain is pretty warm, you might not actually need the coat. So that's cool.

You're turning back around to go inside when you're suddenly knocked off your feet and thrown against your house. It makes you bonk your head. It hurts a little!

Yeah, apparently there are also gigantic asshole waves here. Wondrous.

Anyway, you go back in and take off your coat and boots. Gonna rough it in style, like a real badass. Barefoot with tanktop and capris versus the world.

That's enough clothes talk. You go back outside and actually walk around a little, check things out.

Turns out youre on a wideish semicircular platform, about ten feet above sea level. Yeah, there's an ocean, it sucks. You can faintly see a couple other platforms extending up to indeterminate heights out beyond yours, but you can't get to them or anything. All seem to be made of some weird goldy bronzey metal. Tower appear to have vines n shit trailing down them, yours is totally clear, besides your beautiful, tastefully decorated apartment. Not slippery, thankfully, but you still almost get washed into the sea a few times. If it weren't for you not being retarded and tying yourself to your house, things might have gone worse.

Also, it's basically a hurricane out here. You hope it doesn't persist too long but you have a sinking suspicion that it probably will. Just gonna have to deal with it. Maybe make a submarine or something.

Then you go back in and dry off. Man, this world will sure be a handful!

And, as you're changing into something dry in your room, you spy a set of beady little eyes under your desk.

VOYEUR STRIFE

edited 16th Jan '12 8:45:22 PM by ChrisisCraziest

Do or do not, there is no try.
WhichDockter Since: Jan, 2012
#27: Jan 15th 2012 at 8:57:20 PM

>Nate: Talk to Dotsprite.

That was just confusing.

Luckily your pet has not gained an insatiable lust for blood; you just have to toss her a few sunflower seeds every once in awhile and she’s fine. Which might be a bit of a problem when you run out of them, but you’ll cross that bridge when you come to it.

The constant cries of “Feed me” are still really damn creepy.

>Turn around.

Hmm? Why would you need to turn around? There’s obviously no one here but you and Dotspri—AAAAUGH WHAT IS THAT.

There is a THING staring at you hungrily with beady little eyes and tiger stripes and plant vines and sharp teeth.

You whip out your trusty PADDLE BOARD from your strife specibus. It’s go-time.

>STRIFE!

After several embarrassing minutes you manage to come out on top of the little monster, which promptly explodes into a multitude of brightly colored crystals. Having played plenty of video games before, you know better than to ignore them and quickly pick the objects up.

Satisfied that there are no more mysterious beings in area trying to kill you, you decide that now is as good a time as any to talk to someone about your conversation with Dotsprite.

>Pester Sarah.

Okay.

Sarah surprised you by actually being kind of emotional about the situation all of you are in, and almost seemed like a close friend again. And then she stuck your couch on your roof. Ah, well. Progress is progress, you suppose. And she did give you a cool new toy to play with, so there’s that.

>Feed Dotsprite.

You reach for the bag of sunflower seeds before you realize that Dotsprite has found something else to snack on. Oh, gross. That poor imp, swallowed whole. What a way to go.

It appears that you still get grist from your sprite’s victory, however, so…yay?

You think you are going to avoid Dotsprite for a little while.

>Go play around with the Punch Designix.

You do that, and quickly get extremely frustrated. Perhaps you should be someone else for awhile.

edited 15th Jan '12 8:59:13 PM by WhichDockter

Bocaj Funny but not helpful from Here or thereabouts (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
Funny but not helpful
#28: Jan 15th 2012 at 9:28:11 PM

>Be the CLIMBER

So to recap, you got contacted by Addy who convinced you to talk to Brick who got Addy to Mars after which you helped him get to Mars himself. It was a srs, professional affair because your head is killing you and you are in no mood for shenanigans. So after that you decide to get back in bed, put the pillow over your head and wish for death, as you tend to do when hungover. You actually manage to stay in bed a few minutes before you remember that this time, if you sit around like a useless shit your wish will come true, no wishing on stars or singing crickets necessary.

And then you spend more precious time looking up the entry order that Mari posted. But you finally contact Jackie so she can save your keister. It is also a srs, professional affair. You appreciate that. You make a note to express your gratitude via effusive offers of brofist once you're either properly sober or properly inebriated, the latter being more likely.

>Get cracking, young Danny

You hop through the hole in your wall, the creation of which totally knocked over your bookcase, into the next dorm room. Dude named Mike lived here. He was a nice guy, you suppose, but kinda weird. Dude always had tons of swords and knives and explosives which was technically against school policy but since you were hiding booze in your own room, you decide its not right to throw stones.

You look at the cruxtruder to see what kind of time limit you're working on. 1:02.






fuck.

You run back to your room, grab something from the downed bookshelf and huck it at the kernalsprite. You grab a cylinder from the cruxtruder and hurdle into the next room. Boom! Card! Boom dowel! Boom carve that totem.

Next room! Alchemiter! Totem in! Get thingy! Use thingy! You know this, you can make it to Mars in time!

Your entry item is a bottle? Okay, you probably have to break it, easy peas- WAIT ITS FULL OF LIQUID OH SHIT

-retroCarouser has gone offline-

Forever liveblogging the Avengers
Enlong Court Dragon from The Underground Facility Since: May, 2011 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
Court Dragon
#29: Jan 15th 2012 at 9:45:45 PM

>Be someone else

Boy you are excited about playing around with the Punch Designix!

You are Alan again. You just had a conversation with your server player and got your last machine deployed. This one will punch cards for Alchemiter work. You plan on doing a bit of experimenting, because it seems like this thing deals in codes, kinda like the old way of programming computers. You've never worked with any of those in your classes, but you think you can try a few things.

> Punch card for DND SOURCEBOOK

OK, you put in the code for the book's CAPTCHA, and the totem that results from that allows you to copy the book. Simple stuff.

> Punch card for old-timey flask

Oh yeah, that thing. You bought a potion-bottle-looking thing at a ren-faire a while back. You're always asserting that it's as functional as it is cool. But you really just like putting cranberry juice in the thing, and acting like it's the Medicine of Life.

Anyway, the totem creates another one. You suppose that's cool, if you ever need more bottles. Who knows, maybe you'll find actual potions or something.

...actually...

>Rip potion index from copied SOURCEBOOK

You tear a page out of the sourcebook. Normally, you'd never do this, but since it's a copy of the book, and you can indeed make more books, you're not that worried.

>Punch card for potion page

Done.

Now, here's the interesting part.

>Combine codes for FLASK and POTION PAGE

See, this is what you wanted to try out. If the captcha codes are turned into the punch odes, what happens if you combine the patterns? It could turn into absolute gibberish, or it could do something more interesting. You're going to hope for interesting. Of course, there are two ways to do this...

>Combine FLASK || POTION PAGE

Right. You punch a new card manually, with every hole that is either in the FLASK or POTION PAGE cards. If the codes have any meaning, rather than being arbitrary assignments, then this might do something very interesting.

>Stop being all wordy and do it already!

Touchy, touchy. You make a new totem, and create the item.

It's a flask all right, with a liquid inside. It's all shiny and sparkly, and in shimmering colors. Yes! It works! This thing can combine items! Oh my god, the possibilities are... endless...

...and you suddenly realize that the machine doesn't actually tell you what the potion actually is. It could be anything from a healing draught to Alchemist's Fire. That would be a sucky way to die, drinking fire.

You captchalogue the UNKNOWN LIQUID and resolve to figure it out later.

Maybe you can get Danny to try drinking it, if you send him the code. Lord knows he has a cast-iron stomach when it comes to strange liquids.

I have a message from another time...
dundee_998 Seer of Smut Since: Jul, 2009
Seer of Smut
#30: Jan 15th 2012 at 10:02:42 PM

>Sally: Be in the Medium.

You're not really that sure you ARE in the Medium. Your room has gotten dark and spooky, and there are weird lights outside the holes Mari made in the walls. When you peer over the edge, great huge baubles of glass and light float serenely below you miles and miles down. As far as you can see, there is nothing but glass floats all the way down.

You quickly back the fuck away from the opening in the wall and hug yourself tight in the fetal position, closing your eyes tight to drown out the unearthly light and those hideous colors Mari splattered across your walls. After a good moment of trying to ignore reality, you crawl to your desk to pick up your laptop, seeking comfort in whoever is available.

There! That friendly bright green of good ol' Jackie! You doubleclick her username and hope desperately that she's not too busy to talk you off of the edge. As it turns out, she needs you to talk her off the edge in return, or at least get her into the Medium before she dies a violent, fiery death. After some shenanigans with robotic boyfriends and sentimental vs. game-created lightbulbs, you finally succeed!

Too bad your brilliant plan about Jackie's robot didn't work. You've sometimes wondered about getting yourself a ball-jointed boyfriend; lord knows you don't mind the uncanny valley it would reside in. But you don't really care about significant others that much. You have your dolls, your friends. Oh, and those guys you talk to from high school, too.

Oh! It looks like DEBSPRITE has made a reappearance! She certainly looks more human-like now, but she still needs something more...

You check your laptop furtively to see whether Mari is online or not. You're not sure you want to do this next part with her eavesdropping. Thankfully, her handle is grey, not purple. Grey is such a pretty color. Much nicer than that vulgar violet. Quickly, you steal to the bottom drawer of your tastefully shaped dresser, and withdraw from it a special outfit you've been saving for a special occasion. Yes, this will be just the trick. You offer the dress to your beloved Debsprite, and she takes it graciously like the little lady she is.

Ah, how pretty!

Talk to Debsprite

Wow. That was really annoying. And may have caused you a tiny bit of trauma, but who cares about that right now. You need to get off this hunk of glass, and your so-called 'guide' seems to hate you for some inexplicable reason. You think you'll try and figure things out for your own for a bit before you run back to the others for help.

PulpFreeBookworm Post Tenebras Lux from Everywhere and Nowhere Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: Not caught up in your love affair
Post Tenebras Lux
#31: Jan 16th 2012 at 12:23:12 AM

>Addy: Wake up.

You do so. OUCH! Your head hurts. You seem to have ended up on the floor somehow. When you sit up, nothing much seems to have changed- save the ambient light, which you suppose would happen if time passed. Or if you were on Mars, which you should be, assuming you did everything right.

>Notice your walls.

Oh no! Your lovely posters of your favorite wrestlers and your posters of the life cycles of various organisms and the process of mitosis are defaced! Torn and graffitied all over!

“Ineffectual” “impotent! Lol” “Weak” “Useless” “Selfish”

It just goes on and on. It’s creepy and makes you uncomfortable, and the disrespectful caricatures of masked wrestlers are just plain ugly. What happened to your walls?

>Stop being a lump.

You stand up and look out your window. You…are not entirely sure that you are on Mars. This place is pretty dimly lit. It seems to be pretty flat land, and…grey trees. What kinds of trees are grey? You don’t know much about specific trees, just how trees work.

Then you look up. It seems it’s not as overcast as you thought; there are just huge canopies overhead, consisting of the tree leaves and big stretches of canvas fabric, almost like sails, tied between the trees. You look closely and well…you are pretty sure, after having hung around with Jackie for years, that these trees are metal. But there are also metal leaves on the ground, as if they have fallen on their own. This is too weird.

You turn to go back inside and see something that breaks your heart. The poor fluffy kitten you had adopted less than a week ago is dead. You didn’t even think of the fact that it might be brought with you into the game. You pick it up, the little body so light…it appears to have been wounded, and the head is at a funny angle. Maybe it somehow broke its neck during transit?

Then you look up and see your flashy disco Mothman peeking around the corner between your living room and the hallway. He looks more like a proper Mothman now, with shadowy wings and a ghostly tail.

He notices you watching him, and after flinching a bit (weird!) he floats eerily towards you. He rather insistently looks towards the kitten’s body in your hands and floats around you.

He wants to eat the kitten’s dead body?! No way!

Then again, he was brought to life by putting him in the kernel, so maybe you can…

You gently hold the little silver tabby up to the sprite.

The sprite engulfs the kitten, and soon, you have a Kittenmothmansprite to call your own. It seems more clear and also kittenish, with a cat head and paws, but the same shadowy black substance, wings, and glowing red eyes. Congratulations, it’s an abomination!

Spritelog:
KMS: Purrrrrr
PL: Um. Hi there! How are you? I assume you’re not like, a zombie or anything! Hehe…
KMS: I am fine. Now! Purrrr
PL: Good!
KMS: I am your sprite! Here to helpurrrr you through your trials! At least until you learn how the game works!
PL: Oh! That’s what you’re for? Awesome! Where are we? What do I do next? How do I get to everybody else, are they here already?
KMS: You are in the Land of Steel and Canpurrrpy!
PL: Canpurrpy?
KMS: Canopy!
PL: Oh!
KMS: You may yet meet your compatriots again, but first you must go through a Purrrsonal journey! There are many obstacles in a Knight’s quest, for that is their nature, and not all of them may be overcome through purrrute force!
PL: A knight’s quest?
KMS: Yes! When you learn what it truly means to be a hero and how to harness the Rage within, then you may lead the people to salvation! But don’t let it get to your head!
PL: Rage? I haven’t any Rage within!
KMS: :3
PL: Oh PLEASE don’t get all cryptic and vaguey-vague on me! D8 I hate that! Oh…oh. This is…8[
KMS: Don’t purrret! You’ll do fine Addy! I only knew you for a while but you are the thing I remember most from my short life, and you are big and warm and kind! Others will see it and will know you for a true Knight!
PL: I’m sorry kitten! Oh man, I never even named you did I?
KMS: Names are not impurrrrtant for me I think! I belong to the game now, and I exist to help YOU! :3
PL: Well…that doesn’t make me feel much better, to be honest. 8[ I’m sorry I dragged you into this!
KMS: I nepurrr really knew what was going on anyway! You should watch out before you get hurt like I did though! :3

Wait, what does she mean?

>Addy: Notice the two strange guys in the kitchen.

They are weird looking guys…small and black with long grunge hair. One has tigerstripes on his body and prominent fangs, and the other has shadowy wings like your sprite!

Spritelog:
PL: Kitten, what are those?
KMS: Those are underlings of the Denizen!
PL: The underlings of the what? Never mind. 8|

You decide to just see if they can talk. You know stories though, and these guys scream “low level videogame and/or fantasy enemies.”

You call out to them, but as expected, they Aggress you. You run from them for a bit and make it to your bedroom before being forced to pull out your Sweepnet. You jab one in the stomach with the handle and the other, the shadowy one, hits you. You make another run for it, this time running back to the living room (locking the door behind you so they stay in there, you hope!).

Spritelog:
PL: ¡OH MY GOD!
KMS: You purrrvived!
PL: Barely! D8 This is just too much. I feel like I’m in some bad horror movie! “Videogames Gone Bad”!
KMS: Well, you have to learn. It’s the only way to grow on your Quest!
PL: Again with the “quest”? And what’s this about “learning”?
KMS: :3

A true hero, particularly a Luchadora, is brave. You peek back in your bedroom and notice the imps jumping on your bed. You tell them to get off there, that is your bed darn it!

They stick their tongues out at you. You go over and swat at them with your net until they Aggress you again. This time you manage to whack the tiger one over the head enough that he explodes into candy!

Except when you go to pick it up you notice a new thing! You can collect “Grist” and apparently have! You now have some “Build Grist” and some “Iron Grist”, whatever that is.

The other guy runs, or rather flies/scampers, away, sticking his tongue out and hissing frightfully.

It is at this point you decide to say “fuck it” and check your computer. You should be available to your friends at all times, and even if Pesterchum doesn’t work, you can try at least.

Pesterchum DOES work still, in fact. You have a conversation we already saw with Alan about the extra machine you noticed in your server window, and then in your confusion and slight weariness decide that it can be someone else’s turn because you are tired of this for now.

edited 16th Jan '12 12:50:22 AM by PulpFreeBookworm

The baby bat/ Screamed out in fright,/ 'Turn on the dark,/ I'm afraid of the light.'
ChrisisCraziest Indomitable from Bountiful, Utah Since: Feb, 2010
Indomitable
#32: Jan 16th 2012 at 1:00:58 AM

>Mari: Murder some imps

Why, that cheeky little fellow! The sheer temerity involved in spying on you like this frankly boggles the mind! If you weren't about to slice him to pieces you might even be impressed!

Unfortunately for the imp, you don't forgive voyeurs, even brave ones. You equip your ancestral Amazonian Khanda, passed down through the Suchomundkanor family for generations. You polish and sharpen it weekly. It is incredibly deadly.

You begin the traditional Dance of Eighty Eight Steps, your blade becoming a blur about you. The imp seems unimpressed. You'll see how he feels once it's biting into his flesh.

And then everything begins to flow together as one step parry spin two step kick three step and he died. Man, what the hell, imps are pushovers. You were hoping that they'd actually be kinda challenging. Guess you shouldn't have expected much out of things called imps!

You check the rest of the apartment and find a couple more imps in the living room, scrawling obscenities on the walls. How DARE they!? Those are YOUR walls!

Then you murder them.

Oh man, you just killed a bunch of monsters in your underwear. How embarrassing! You sure hope Nate wasn't watching, then you might have to actually follow through on your death threats.

Anyway, you go back to your room and finish putting on some clothes. Ah, the joys of wearing fabrics. Just can't get enough of it. You decide to check on how Sally is doing too, she's such a delicate little thing, you do so worry about her some times.

Turns out shes cowering in her room. This surprises no one. You do find her land very pretty though. You do so love it's color scheme. Maybe you can work out some kind of land swap, you dare say your dreary hurricane planet would be better suited to her as well. Actually, while you're thinking about her land, her dorm simply doesn't match at all. Being the benevolent person you are, you decide to fix it.

Of course, Sally has to take issue with it. The only time the girl has a backbone is when it's against her own good. She's just so silly! Of course, you don't let her worrying get you down. You'd hazard that you know better than she does what's good, after all. Like all this complaining about fumes? Bam, no wall in bedroom and kitchen. Instant airflow. You're such a natural at this, it's almost scary.

You are, however, forced to revise your opinions on Sally a little later, when, against all odds, she actually manages to kill an imp! Why, you'd never have thought she had it in her. Sure, she ran away and hid a few times, and she needed to be talked through it, but even so! Her very first kill! There might actually be hope for her after all. I mean, if she stopped using a stupid specibus like armkind, maybe switched to a sword like a normal person. Who even uses armkind, anyway? You're 90% it exists at all as a joke. And also it would probably help if she could actually accomplish something useful without someone watching pressuring her into doing it. But hey, baby steps, right? Note to self, make Sally suck less in future.

Anyway, after being suitably congratulatory, you stop talking to her. Can't spend all your time with Sally, right? Gotta spread the love! Like to the imp that just peeked into your room. Man, he is so dead. Nobody peeks at Marirhakarkjarin Suchomundkanor and lives to tell about it. As you burst into the hallway again, you see no less than half a dozen imps milling about in the living room. Ugh, such a drag. You wish you had some way to just like, make them kill each other. So much effort wasted.

But of course you don't have anything like that, so you just kill them all. And continue killing them as they appear. You should probably be someone else now, this ain't stoppin' any time soon.

edited 16th Jan '12 1:11:16 AM by ChrisisCraziest

Do or do not, there is no try.
Butterfinger Since: Aug, 2010 Relationship Status: Sinking with my ship
#33: Jan 16th 2012 at 8:46:47 PM

>Be Jackie.

Sure! You haven’t been her in a while. What’s her deal anyway?

>Work on project.

Well, that’s what you’ve been doing all night. It’s not like you’ve stopped or anything! You figure that if you pull this all-nighter, you can finish before the game starts! And since it sounds like it’s a simulation game or something, you can probably doze off while playing it. There’s no way this plan can possibly backfire!

>Finish project.

Only a few more twists of your handy dandy WRENCH, and voila!

...

Wow.

You actually did it. You finally created a flawless machine that works! You even added an Oreo dispenser onto the arm so that your friends will totally love him and think that he’s super cool and stuff! But mostly, you didn’t make him to show off to your friends.

You made him for you.

>Reveal mysterious project.

It’s a... ... ... (dramatic pauses are important for a huge reveal such as this that has never before been alluded to) ... ... A BOYFRIEND ROBOT.

Wow. No one ever saw that coming.

You love making machines, sure. You love it even more when they work. But let’s face it, your dream has always been to have a humanoid metallic companion that you created all on your own.

Of course, and this is just a formality because you are already so sure that he works, you have to first turn him on to bask in the glory of finally creating something worthwhile.

Just got to reach over and flip the switch and... oh, hang on. Looks like someone started a memo.

>Participate in memo.

After that enlightening and meaningful conversation you and your high school friends shared about the end of the world and any possible chance of survival...

Okay, NO. That was just a bunch of bickering and pointless talking when apparently the WORLD IS ENDING. You have never felt so frustrated and annoyed in your entire life! And how is this STUPID GAME supposed to save you?!

You know what, if the world is ending, you are going to spend some time with your robot boyfriend. Maybe he will convince you about the good of humanity and why you should still save your friends. While flying around in awesome rocket boots, like any good boyfriend should.

>Turn on robot boyfriend.

You flip the switch. His eyes light up, and one arm moves, as if reaching for you.

>Reach out for robot boyfriend.

It’s working! It’s working!!! You feel a lump in your throat as you slowly grasp his hand. You might have imagined it, but you think he whispered in a metallic voice, “Jackie...”

What a perfect moment. Nothing can go wrong now.

>Everything: go wrong.

Suddenly, you feel the robot twitching uncontrollably. Its arm suddenly lunges out, and you feel something crack as you are punched in the chest. You fly across the room and land in a pile of boxes, and you barely make out the robot’s torso spinning uncontrollably before falling unconscious.

>Jackie: Get up.

She’s asleep, dumbass! What part of “unconscious” did you not get?

>Fine. Be Jackie when she’s awake then.

You are suddenly Jackie about 50 minutes in the future. You just woke up from some sort of crazy dream, but you can’t really think because of the massive headache you have.

>Examine shirt.

Okay, but you don’t see why you would need to...

OH SHIT your lovely lightbulb broke. It now just looks cracked and uninspiring in every single way.

>Examine boyfriend robot.

It looks like it got impaled on someone’s machinery. You slowly get up and remove it while trying to ignore your massive headache. It now has a big hole in the center. Nothing you can do will be able to fix it.

>Give up.

Yep. You’re done. You’re not going to try and make anything ever again. Every single thing fails or breaks or knocks you out while getting impaled through the chest.

You are a complete and utter failure.

Well, at least the world is ending. You won’t be miserable for much longer. You decide to log back on to Pesterchum to see if the game worked or if anyone is even still alive. Just as soon as you log on, though, Sally starts pestering you about the place she got transported to. You doubt Sally would lie about that, so maybe there’s still some hope?

>Start game and reveal embarrassing and pathetic failure to Sally.

You do just that. She says that it’s not so bad, but the crushing defeat you feel says otherwise. She tells you that the robot can be fixed though, and you end up throwing the hunk of metal into a big glowing ball.

So now... it’s a ghost boyfriend robot? Not really an improvement. It still can’t talk or do anything but remind you of how much you failed, but you still continue with the game process. Maybe you can prototype it again later. And play with some of these machines, too. They seem pretty cool, ignoring the fact that they bring about the end of the world apparently.

You make an item, but before you can see what it is, Danny starts pestering you. Okay, he needs to get in too. You set up his game quickly for him and leave him to his own devices. Hopefully you did all that needed to be done to get him in safely!

Now back to your item. It’s a lightbulb, kind of like the broken one on your shirt. Sally misunderstands you when you lament its loss, but she manages to give you an idea. There’s pretty much only two things you can do with it, and considering the day you’ve been having, you decide to slam the damn thing down on the floor and watch it shatter into a million pieces.

>Enter.

♥ ♦ ♠ ♣
ChrisisCraziest Indomitable from Bountiful, Utah Since: Feb, 2010
Indomitable
#34: Jan 17th 2012 at 12:43:38 AM

Mari: Level up

God, finally. You feel like you've been killing imps for hoooooooooours, about time you got something out of it. You climb a rung on your echeladder, to the respectable rank of TINKERBELL WANNABE. Sometimes, you wonder about your rung names. It's almost like they're implying you're a fairy, which is frankly ridiculous. Utter hogwash. Totally unthinkable.

After that moment of introspection, you turn your sights back to the three remaining imps in this pack. They seem to be a little in awe of your presence, and frankly you're just tired of killing small fry like them, so you seriously contemplate letting them live for a moment. But then you have a better idea.

You make it known to them, in no uncertain terms, that you are tired of their bullshit, and offer them an ultimatum. Either kill your comrades and work for me, or die. You've always had a knack for knowing what people are feeling, which will be in no way relevant at any point in the future, so you can tell that, while two of them aren't being very receptive, the third is giving your proposal some serious thought, likely due to being part kyubey. You like that in an underling, so you give him the smallest of nods.

Drawing heart from your approval, he lets out a chittery warcry and bashes his comrades heads together. They summarily explode. Man, imps suck. Just, so hard. He gets a couple levels out of it though, so he now sucks a bit less. Good for him and good for you.

You offer him congratulations on not being a retard and living, and dub him the first of your ROYAL IMPQUISITORS. You establish the terms of his employment, vis a vi that as long as he scratches your back, you'll scratch his, and also not horrifically murder him. He sort of chitter sighs, and you can tell that hes already resigned himself to his fate. Well, good enough for you! There'll always be time to establish true loyalty later.

With that done, your newly appointed Impquisitor sits down in a corner and stares at his hands, while you return to what you were doing before you were so rudely interrupted by a pack of bloodthirsty imps. Namely trying to alchemize something so you can walk around in the storm without being tethered to your house. So far, all of your attempts have been failures, which is an unfamiliar feeling to you. You don't think you like it. For one, you didn't even know how to alchemize at all until Alan opened that memo. You mean, you kind of did, since it shows up semi regularly in the visions, but you didn't quiiiiiite have the specifics worked out. Not that you'll ever admit that to anyone.

Bam, another combination made. Aaaaaaaand... nope, another failure. Ancestraltigersprite launches into another rant about you dishonoring the family name beyond comprehension with your failures, and also put some damn clothes on woman, why back in my day if a woman showed any skin at all beyond her face we had her executed, and on and on and on. God, you don't know what you were thinking, tossing your great-grandfather's skull into your sprite.

You guess you were like, I've been keeping this ancestor shrine for years with no benefits at all, it's high time I got something out it! Wisdom of the ancients all up ins. And then one prototyping later it just ended up being constant pain in the ass bitching of the ancients. You regret it already, and you only did it like fifteen minutes ago. Regret is another unfamiliar emotion that you don't much like, actually.

The Impquisitor tugs on your leg, and you follow his gaze to an imp creeping up on the house outside. You grin at him, and hand him a dagger. No worries, you both know that he'd just die if he tried to use it on you. He sighs again, and disappears around a corner.

As you turn back to your alchemizing, you faintly hear a thud, followed by a brief imp scream, soon cut short. Aw yeah, it's good to be on top, baby. ;)

Do or do not, there is no try.
Enlong Court Dragon from The Underground Facility Since: May, 2011 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
Court Dragon
#35: Jan 17th 2012 at 8:36:45 PM

>Alan: Continue meddling with Alchemy.

Alright. You've already made an unknown potion with alchemy, it's time to try out the other way of combining codes. You made the potion with an || (OR) combination, putting every hole that was on either card into the code. This time, you && (AND) combine them, using only each hole that was in both of the original cards.

This creates an entirely different result. This time, you get an empty flask, but the flask itself is glowing. You assume that this time, the bottle itself is magical, but again, you don't know what it is, other than that it's a MAGIC BOTTLE. You store that in your Sylladex.

>discuss things with your sprite.

Yeah, you've already heard a few things from Him, but it can't hurt to hear Him out a bit more thoroughly.

Well, you had a bit of trouble parsing His cryptic messages, but apparently you have to start killing monsters if you want to build your house higher to reach some Gate.

You aren't exactly thrilled with the prospect of fighting monsters, or with killing things, come to think of it.

>Distract yourself with web-based shenanigans

You write a memo to the rest of the team, and relay your findings about alchemy. Looks like you interpreted Jesusprite correctly; killing imps gets you more build grist. And you desperately need that. Midway through, though, you hear something strange. Is that... laughing?

You sign off and grab your WALKING STICK, and head towards the source of the noise. You're about to turn back when you hear it again. Well, not the same sound, but some weird noise.

"...est ..e bes.."

Huh?

"the best! the best!"

And then you see a pair of eyes in the darkness.

/人 ‿‿ 人\

"THE BEST! THE BEST! THE BEST! THE BEST! THE BEST!"

STRIFE!

I have a message from another time...
WhichDockter Since: Jan, 2012
#36: Jan 17th 2012 at 8:41:39 PM

>Nate: Stop flailing around with the Punch Designix.

Okay. You were getting tired of messing around with that thing anyway. Imps kept trying to attack you while you were using it and all you accomplished was the destruction of several of your captchalogue cards.

Stupid piece of junk.

>Check computer for messages.

Oh hey, it appears you missed AN ENTIRE MEMO while you were busy messing around. Nice going there! At least you didn't have to sit through Mari and Sarah's argument, and Alan did leave a handy guide to the Punch Designix. You do kind of wish you could have chatted with everyone, though. If only you had a portable version of your computer.

That gives you an idea.

TIME TO TRY THIS SHIT AGAIN.

>Try this shit again.

First, you alchemize a whole ton of cards, so there's no sense worrying about wasting any. You also place your laptop in your sylladex, snag some of your swimming gear, and salvage your MUSICAL POSTERS from the trash bin. You are going to have so much fun with this. SO. MUCH. FUN.

>Combine Cats Poster || Paddleboard.

Your board is now vaguely cat-shaped. And furry. That’s not weird at all.

>Combine Paddleboard && Starlight Express Poster.

You make a Skateboard.

Awesome, you needed another one of those.

>Combine Swimming Goggles && Laptop.

You make a pair of Deep Sea Computation Goggles. You're not really sure how these make any sense, but at least now you can message people on the go.

Who needs smart phones? Not you.

>Combine Hat || Aladdin Poster

You get a Sultan Hat. Cool. Useless, and kind of stupid, but cool.

>Combine Paddleboard && Hat

All this does is put a little swimming logo on your hat. Kind of a waste, but you like it.

>Combine Paddleboard && Beauty and the Beast Poster

Whatever this is, you can’t make it yet! It requires a whole ton of grist, for some reason. You bet it's pretty awesome though. Because Beauty and the Beast is. Awesome, you mean.

>Combine Paddleboard || West Side Story Poster

You get a Street Brawler’s Backhand Board. Sounds cool. Except it’s just a 2x4. With a nail in it. Still, it should be a lot easier to defeat imps now. The things were taking forever to fall when you were just wailing at them with your good old paddleboard.

Okay. You think you’ve had enough fun with the Alchemiter for now. It seems while you were busy goofing off a ton more imps swarmed around your apartment.

Time for clean up duty.

edited 17th Jan '12 8:41:59 PM by WhichDockter

Teebert kingslayer from boxcar's noggin Since: Sep, 2009
kingslayer
#37: Jan 17th 2012 at 9:50:19 PM

>Sarah: read memo

Blah blah blah we've already seen this memo. Highlights reel: you deliver some sick burns, drink some booze, then deliver more sick burns. Awwwww yeah.

>Put newfound knowledge to good use

You decide to try out this "alchemy" shit. Time to combine things to make a greater whole.

It's time for the mixed drinks.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>Combine rum + coke

BEST RUM AND COKE EVER HELL YES

wait you just had a brilliant idea

>combine oreos + ice cream + white russian

HOLY SHIT, A WHITE RUSSIAN OREO MILKSHAKE

it is delicious and you just might be doing a bit more drinking than is healthy

>Inform friends of brilliant discovery

You consider opening a memo for a moment, and with your lowered inhibitions, you'd totally do it, except you realize at the last second that they'd just be all JUDGIN' and HATIN'

So you message your best friend EVER in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD about it.

He's not there first, which is a bummer, especially because you don't have enough grist to make a second milkshake, which totally blows. Then he's back and it's awesome and then it blows again because it turns out there are MARTIANS that hate booze.

PRO-PROHIBITION MARTIANS WHAT THE FUCK

Man that is just LAME

And then you have to tell Danny about how to use the magic machines to make stuff, because he was too passed out from wasting alcohol to read the memo. And then AW SNAP, THE MARTIANS HAVE INVADED YOUR HOUSE AND LIKE HELL YOU'RE LETTING THEM GET YOUR BOOZE.

>Aggress

One of the li'l fuckers is creeping towards you, making evil little chitter sounds that are totally him saying that the 21st Amendment should be repealed.

Fuck that shit.

You grab an empty bottle and smash it on his head. The martian chitters angrily and you catch something about "contracts?" before you smash another bottle on his head. Pro-prohibition martian lawyers?

NOT ON YOUR WATCH.

He explodes into shiny gems, which disappear when you go to touch them. Weird.

Oh, hey, the alchemiter's acting up now.

Oh yeah, that's right, you taped down the button for making the milkshakes.

HOLY SHIT IT'S MAKING MORE OF THE MILKSHAKES.

That shiny stuff must have been the grist you needed to make the milkshakes. And that would mean the martians and the imps are the SAME. That means the imps are evil pro-prohibition lawyers that let you make more boozeshakes when you kill them.

THEY MUST DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE.

"Teebs is a total grump, but he's usually right." - NLK
Enlong Court Dragon from The Underground Facility Since: May, 2011 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
Court Dragon
#38: Jan 18th 2012 at 7:13:19 PM

>Be Alan

Sometimes, you wish you could stop being Alan. Especially since Alan is currently being menaced by an Imp.

>Stop being Alan

You fail spectacularly!

While you're busy thinking about being someone else, the Imp draws close and claws you in the arm. You draw back before it can do more than leave bleeding cuts, but you don't want to let it get any closer. You frantically back off and run down the only hallway in your apartment. You come out in the living room, and back up against the couch.

One consolation is that the noise the Imp is constantly spewing lets you know where he is. Unfortunately, that happens to be right towards you.

Enemy: DUST IMP X1

>Agress!

You grab your WALKING STAFF by the thick end and jab at the imp with the short end. You've never really been a fighter, but the length of the staff makes it relatively easy to abuse its length.

However, the Imp is unimpressed. It throws back its mullet and laughs at you, with a noise that just sounds like a screechier version of the endless musical loop that it's been playing since it arrived. You maybe hit it once before it grabs the end of the staff and pulls. You're jerked out of your safe spot, but you manage to redouble your grip quickly enough to hold onto the staff. You outweigh the imp, and are able to wrench the thing out of his hands.

>Switch your tactics

You realize that you're never going to finish with this Imp if you keep hitting it with the small end. You flip the staff around. Now the business end of the staff is the heavy end. A bit harder to hold, but more dangerous. You switch your grip up, so that you've got one hand halfway up the thing

>Imp: Raise the stakes

The Imp grabs something from a shelf and starts wielding it agressively.

Oh Jesusprite! He's got a BOOK!

He stole one of your TOMES OF FANTASY LITERATURE. Do you even HAVE a BOOKKIND abstratus anywhere?

And it's quite the doorstopper, too. Volume Six of the Draconaria Chronicles. UNABRIDGED! This has to end quickly, or it's gonna end very badly for you.

>Alan: Agress

You step in and swing at the Imp. He blocks one hit with his book, and swings it into your staff. The wood bends, and you hear something creak. He then brings it down on your foot. This hurts a lot! But nothing appears to be broken.

The imp takes advantage of your pain, and hits you in the side! This has to stop.

>Keep agressing!

You try to fight through the pain and swing again. This time you score a hit! You swing again, and knock the book out of the Imp's hands. It seems easier now. Another swing, and you've got the imp on the ground. You almost consider stopping. On any other day, you would. But today has not been a good day. You learned that the world is ending, your family is probably already dead, you've had to deal with entirely too much Internet drama, and now this thing is in your apartment, trying to kill you with your favorite book!

>Finish him!

You raise your staff up, and SLAM it down onto the Imp. It yells "THE BEST!" one last time, and explodes into... blue and black... gushers?

So is this Grist? You suppose it looks kind of like the menu on the game screen. You decide to sit down for a second, catch your breath before you- what was that?

"Tee hee hee!"

Oh crap, not another one.

"Tee hee hee!"

At least this one isn't screaming endless music loops at you.

"Tee hee hee!"

You turn around to try to find it. Where is i-

"Contract?"

Ohshit! That was right behind you!

You spin around and find another, different sort of Imp, this one all in white, hunched over the grist pile. It looks kinda... disjointed at the limbs. What's it... oh god! Ew!

It's EATING the Grist! You need that! And that's just disgusting! It was another Imp just a few seconds ago!

Just as you're thinking "wait, I think I know where it picked that behavior up", you realize you have no time to contemplate your recently killing the last imp.

Because this new one is done with its meal.

And it still looks hungry.

"Tee hee hee"

STRIFE X2 COMBO!

edited 18th Jan '12 10:21:08 PM by Enlong

I have a message from another time...
ChrisisCraziest Indomitable from Bountiful, Utah Since: Feb, 2010
Indomitable
#39: Jan 19th 2012 at 12:01:33 AM

>Mari: Alchemize

Man, whatever, you've been doing that for so long now. Made tons of sweet gear! Tons meaning you made a little jet to go with your scuba gear and otherwise nothing. Alchemizing is kind of bullshit, frankly.

You think it's time for a break, actually. Maybe you can check on Sally again. Hell, maybe you can just check on everybody. They've been hours without your presence at this point, you know that you'd probably be freaking out if someone as amazing as you left you alone for that long!

Unfortunately, an impquisitor walks up and tugs on your leg as you turn to enter your room. He seems rather worried about something! Can't say you've seen them worried since they picked up recruiting duties for themselves. You wonder how many they're up to now?

As you follow the impquisitor up to the window, he gestures outside and starts flailing wildly. You've been getting better at reading these guys, and if you had to make a guess you'd say that something bigger than imps is lurking out there.

"Exquisite!" you say, your eyes lighting up. You've been waiting for something to actually be challenging for ages now! The impquisitor flails about more and chitters. "Be careful, mistress!" you hear him saying, "We simply couldn't stand to lose you!" Or that's what he'd be saying if he could actually talk, you're sure.

You step out into the rain, instantly drenched. Several impquisitors scurry up, one of them pulling out an umbrella. "No need," you say, shaking your head. As he begins putting it back away, a roar shakes the building. The Vicar, first of your Royal Impquisitors, steps up beside you, as the Ogre climbs over the edge of the spire.

You hold out your hand, and the Vicar, with a solemn nod, places your Khanda firmly in your palm. The ogre throws back its head and lets loose another roar, as waves crash down to either side, and the impquisitors line up to either side, bearing witness to this moment. You begin slowly whirling your khanda, first right, then left, then right again. As you whip out your blade and lash at the ogre's face, it roars again and charges. Oh, this will be simply grand, you think, leaping neatly aside. Positively magnificent!

A bit later, you stand on the fallen ogre's chest, blade to his throat. "So? What'll it be?" He bats feebly at you in answer. You shake your head sadly, then leap down. "Vicar, would you care to do the honors?" The Vicar simply grins, then drives his dagger into the Ogre's throat. Grist positively rains from the skies, which fits the general bullshit rain all the time thing this stupid planet has going on, and you walk back inside as the impquisitors set to work collecting it.

Both you and the Vicar shoot up your echeladders, and you can feel impquisitor morale shooting up with it. Always good to show off a little to your underlings, keep them in awe of you. Always good to let them get in on some throat stabbings too. Nothing imps love more than a good stabbin'. Pity half of them died to errant sword whirling, but it's really their faults for being in the way like that. You like to think of it as just weeding out the stupid ones.

You tell an errant impquisitor to tell you if anything else important happens as you step inside, and he salutes and chitters in what you can only assume to be a deferential manner. You shut yourself in your room, then begin massaging your bruised shoulder. Ogre actually managed to hit you a few times! Simply amazing. You hope more of them show up, it's so exciting getting in actual good fights.

But enough about you, it's time to check on Sally again!

Do or do not, there is no try.
dundee_998 Seer of Smut Since: Jul, 2009
Seer of Smut
#40: Jan 19th 2012 at 3:43:48 PM

>Sally: Go on a rampage and destroy all the tittering imps in your dorm.

Hold that thought. First, you forcefeed Debsprite your copy of A Little Princess. If that book won't give her a heart, nothing will. As the sprite coughs and crackles into a new prototype, you think you've finally actually made something better. You ask her if she's going to help you this time, the painted smile on her pixelated lips is a bit kinder, and she explains in a vaguely British accent about the Incipisphere and a little about your role. Something about a witch. Well, you've always liked fantasy fiction, and you've got more than a few girls in your room dressed in highly fashionable witchy outfits... You thank her kindly for being informative for once, and decide to go play around with making your memento disembodied arm a little more deadly.

You only manage to make a copy of The Pretty Princess Pimp Hand(Really! How distasteful!) before you run out of the grist that imp afforded you. Still, it's better than just the simple unadorned mannequin arm you beat that little guy to death with. Really, you'd just assigned your strife specibus to armkind as an injoke amongst your friends; you'd never planned to use it anyway. What would a girl who plays with dolls all day need to fight for? Too late to buy a new one now, though. Ah well. Maybe one of the monsters on your journey will drop a card that is more useful for taking down imps in a humane way...

With a more efficient killing tool at your side, you sneak back into the hallway of the dorm. A curious thing; it seems that the game transported your wing of the dorm, but only kept your bedroom, the bathroom, the kitchen, and the trash room. Where your dormmates used to live there is only empty wall, or in some cases gaping holes to the outside from Mari's handiwork.

Even now, a scraggly intruder in fabulous frills is poking around the area where Amanda the pot smoker used to sleep. His carapace is a cloudy purple, and you dimly recall the amethyst grist you picked up from the other one. You ready the Pimp Hand in hand, and charge down the hallway.

>Strife!

WhichDockter Since: Jan, 2012
#41: Jan 19th 2012 at 5:11:04 PM

>Nate: Take a break from fighting imps.

With pleasure. You are starting to get sick of the things. At least Dotsprite has been helping out. Granted in her own...gruesome way. You have been able to get a little bit of information from her, about your role as the Prince, and the game in general. She's still being infuriatingly cryptic about everything but hey it's a start. At least with her new-found buffet she hasn't been screaming for whoa your goggles just lit up that is so cool.

Oh. Someone's pestering you.

>Answer Sarah.

You're kind of worried about her. All that booze can't be good. You do cave and try the milkshake though, and part of you doesn't blame her, because that thing tasted awesome.

You really wish she would have listened to you before she started trying to build, though. You glance out the nearest window, and yep, that is certainly the most bizarre latticework of sideways staircases you have ever seen. You guess they could be climbable, maybe? With severe risk of falling off.

>Look up.

Huh? You peer out the window and look up into the pitch black sky. Way up above your house there appears to some swirly, spinny red thing, just kind of floating there. If you had to guess, that's probably the gate, and from the looks of it, Sarah's handiwork won't quite reach there. Not yet, anyway.

You remind yourself to add on to Mari's house later, and to not be drunk when you do it. She sure is lucky to have a server player like you.

>Look down.

...What is that.

There's some big...thing crawling up the side of the island your house is resting on. It kind of looks like an imp, only bigger and nastier. You have a feeling you should climb up onto the roof to head it off.

This is going to hurt, isn't it.

>Head for the roof.

You head outside and boost yourself onto the roof's incline. The wind is still really strong, but at least it isn't thundering and storming like it was when you first got here.

The sound of thunder startles you and you realize you spoke too soon.

Then you see a large brownish-red hand reach towards you and you realize that wasn't thunder.

This is really going to hurt.

>STRIFE!

Really, you're only going to get the tar beaten out of you. You should probably go be someone else for awhile.

Teebert kingslayer from boxcar's noggin Since: Sep, 2009
kingslayer
#42: Jan 19th 2012 at 7:58:54 PM

>Sarah: wake up

Oh god, your head. You just got over one hangover, now you've got another one. Fun stuff. Oy. Drunk you couldn't even bother getting into bed and just decided to pass out on the floor. What a bitch.

You sit up and rub your eyes, hoping that a quick massage would be all they need to stop feeling like spikes were being driven through them. No dice.

Shit.

>Notice you aren't at home

You have absolutely no fucking clue where you are. Or how you get here. Or why you've got Danny's climbing gear slung over your shoulder like some kind of bandolier. Or why you've got an actual bandolier on over the other shoulder, with various bottles stuffed in it. Or why the ridiculous cowboy hat you wore for Halloween is sitting next to you.

>Don the cowboy hat. It's stylin'

Since you don't feel like bothering with your modus, you put the hat on. Plus, it's ironic as hell. Wearing one of the symbols of a romanticized culture that was all about Manifest Destiny and taking the land of the natives, while you're on an alien planet?

So damn ironic. Any more ironic and the whole situation could be picked up with a magnet.

You quickly equip the hat, then stand up and take a better look around.

You seem to be in some kind of storage room. There's a bunch of cupboards around you, a chair and table in the far corner, a door, and-

A wine cabinet.

This place might not be so bad after all.

But no time for booze now, you need to explore! Also saying the first part of that sentence hurt a little.

>Explore

You cautiously push open the door and find yourself behind the counter in an old-style saloon full of green monkeys.

>Check inventory to see if you have your roommate's bong on you because you smoked a bunch while you were drunk

Nope, nothing. Nor any paper bags like she stores her shrooms in.

You are officially on an alien planet full of giant green monkeys.

The bartender turns his head to see what the patrons of his establishment are looking at. Upon seeing you, he exclaims "Oh!" rather excitedly.

"You're up!"
"Um...yeah."
"Excellent, excellent! We were worried when we found you that you might have been dead!"
"Unfortunately not, despite my head's best efforts."
"You're lucky you're still alive, after taking a hit to the head like that. But that was rather brave of you, to challenge the ogre like that!"
"The what, now?"
"Oh, it was amazing, the ogre was going down Main Street and raising all kinds of hell, then you showed up! Oh, your eyes were full of fire, and you threw that magic bottle, and you started to go on about how this was just another example of how corporations headed by bigoted old white men were trying to keep the green man down, and-"
"Could we speed this up a bit?"
"Oh, of course, ma'am! Basically, the ogre punched you halfway across town, then left after destroying the brothel and taking the whores with him! Then we took you back to the back room and waited for you to wake up!"
"Ooookay, then."
"And now that you're up, you can help us get our whores back, just like the hero we know you are!"
"Wait, what."

"Teebs is a total grump, but he's usually right." - NLK
Butterfinger Since: Aug, 2010 Relationship Status: Sinking with my ship
#43: Jan 19th 2012 at 9:05:32 PM

> Jackie: Inspect new location.

Well, it’s hard to do that when the room you’re in has no windows. You decide to open to the door to the engineering lab to take a look wherever you have been transported to, and WHOA

A wall of blue light blocking the exit nearly blinds you, and gets your hair all frizzy too. You quickly slam the door shut and run into the middle of the room. At least there’s no bright wall of death there.

You look at your BOYFRIENDBOT SPRITE, and he’s still there. Doing nothing. GODDAMMIT even as a weird ghost sprite thing he’s still useless. Just another failure. However, you think back to what Sally said when you were trying to enter the Medium or whatever this place is called, about prototyping Boyfriendbot Sprite with something else to get him to talk. You look at him, the miserable piece of junk that you smashed together, and think about the amazing personality one simple toss of an object can produce, and...

Oh, but you could NEVER do that.

Even if you’ve decided to never put your admittedly not-so-awesome mechanic skills to use again, you can’t just change Boyfriendbot as if he were some kind of toy. After all of the effort you poured into making him, and all the emotional turmoil he has put you through, and frankly, all of the MONEY wasted on the materials for building him, you can’t just scrap him. After all, you’ve never thrown out any of your other projects before, because deep down you know that they were great ideas when you first thought of them. And while keeping him around will constantly remind you of your failures, at least your dream is finally realized! He’s moving around and seems to be capable of actual thoughts! With some retooling and training, you are sure you can teach him to overcome the failures you created in him.

You smile at the floating blue sprite. Boyfriendbot somehow manages to points out your numerous flaws while at the same time reminding you of the great potential you possess, and that you should keep on persevering no matter what. Just like any good boyfriend should.

“Oh Boyfriendbot, I still love you and wouldn’t change you for anything!” You wrap your arms around him in a loving embrace. You forget about how faulty his parts are for the moment, until you feel something poking at you.

You look down and WHOOPS. The secret vibrator you attached to Boyfriendbot has somehow popped out of its secret compartment and turned on. You attached in the dark hours of the night when you were sure that no one would discover you NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WEIRD ABOUT THAT. DEFINITELY NOT. You awkwardly shove that thing back into place and plead to whatever gods may preside over this place that Sally didn’t see any of that.

ANYWAY LET’S MOVE AWAY FROM THIS TOPIC WITH AN AWESOME SUBJECT CHANGE. You decide to check Pesterchum on any missed messages, and you see a long memo that you missed about how to use the machines. And also some monster imps that you should destroy to have enough grist to make the objects? You haven’t seen any of those guys though...

Wait, what was that?

Well, now you see the monsters lurking under the shadows. There’s really only one thing to do at this point...

> Jackie: STRIFE!

You proceed to beat the shit out of the imps by whacking your WRENCH against their heads repeatedly. Boyfriendbot launches Oreos at the foes (what a perfectly awesome boyfriend). After suffering repeated oreo attacks, annoying giggles of “tee hee hee”, and offers of a contract, you finally defeat the imps and collect the grist that they dropped.

“Yes!” You shout in triumph. Boyfriendbot then proceeds to print out something from his mouth. You didn’t know he could do that! Must come with being a sprite.

> Read letter.

TO: ROGUE OF LIFE

WELCOME TO THE MEDIUM. YOU WILL BE FIGHTING FOR THE FATE OF SKAIA.

TO SUCCEED, YOU MUST BUILD AND ASCEND.

GOOD LUCK.

Well... isn’t that how all boyfriends write letters to their girlfriends, especially awesome robot boyfriends? Direct and to the point and not filled with lovely words that describe the passion that they feel deep inside. This is totally awesome, you guess?

You go back to checking Pesterchum and realize Mari is pestering you. Oh boy.

> Answer Mari.

You try to be vague, but as Mari is the expert in deliberate vagueness (or snootiness, you’re not sure which), she instantly knows that something interesting happened with your prototyping. And by interesting, you mean interesting for HER. You are pretty sure all hell would break lose for you if Mari caught on to your embarrassing secret.

You don’t think your well-executed plan to seem like you’re over it worked though (especially now that you’re going to fight through the pain and continue your relationship with this fine piece of metalsprite), so you quickly message Sally to make sure she knows not to reveal your most well-guarded secret.

It’s not like anything can tip your friends off to what you might have prototyped!

edited 19th Jan '12 9:08:41 PM by Butterfinger

♥ ♦ ♠ ♣
Enlong Court Dragon from The Underground Facility Since: May, 2011 Relationship Status: is commanded to— WANK!
Court Dragon
#44: Jan 19th 2012 at 9:16:43 PM

>Strife!

This is not your lucky day. Right after beating down one Imp, you're confronted with another. Even worse, it ate all the Grist that the last Imp left behind. And how it's advancing on you with a blue-and-black stained face. At least it isn't spewing repeated rock music at you.

ECTOPLASM IMP X1

>Enough recapping! Agress!

You swing your staff at the imp, hitting it in the side. Strangely, while that attack swept the last imp off his feet, this one barely seems to feel it at all. Maybe it's got the attributes of something that feels no pain. And of course it isn't intimidated, since you prototyped with something that feels no emotions.

"Tee hee hee"

The imp wraps its arm around your staff and grabs the handle.

>Shake it off

You try to get your staff out of the imp's hands, but this one is much more tenacious than the last one. He just. wont. let. go!

>Imp: Cut to the chase

Where are these things getting weapons? The imp draws something long and shiny from behind his back. You recognize it as one of your kitchen knives.

>Alan: Dodge!

You're forced to let go of your staff as the imp starts swinging, and back off. You run to the other side of the room, and the imp discards your staff to give chase. You almost take a knife in the leg, but you manage a textbook DUDE DIVE past the imp and grab your staff just in time.

>Block!

You manage to get the staff between you and the knife as the imp swings again. The blade bites into the wood just below the handle You twist the stick, and manage to wrench the knife out of the imp's hands, and grab it for yourself. Just about as soon as the knife goes into your sylladex, though, the imp grabs the thin and of the staff and tries to do the same to you.

You manage to maintain your grip, but the gash in the wood gives the imp leverage. The whole thing bends, and then snaps in two along that point. The imp has most of the staff, and you're left holding nothing but the head of the staff like a makeshift club.

Your WALKING STAFF has been reduced to a STAFF HEAD, and your Strife Specibus switches to the 1/4STAFFKIND abstratus to compensate.

>Do something!

This is bad. The imp has most of your weapon, and you can't use the knife as a weapon. All you have is a short stick, and the stuff in your sylladex.

Wait, maybe you can...

>Use the potion!

In an act of desperation, you uncork the UNKNOWN POTION and splash about half of its contents at the imp. Maybe you can blind it long enough to sneak up behind it.

The liquid gets all over the imp's face. It doesn't appear to be corrosive, because it doesn't scream or claw at its eyes. Some of it gets into the thing's eyes and mouth. And you can almost swear you can see the imp spitting... embers?

Aha! You are now pretty damn certain what this potion does. Good thing the Imp only got a few fingers of liquid in its mouth.

>Drink the potion!

You manage to circle behind the imp while it's blinking out the liquid, and you chug the rest of the bottle yourself. The thing burns a path down your throat, and reacts strongly as it hits your stomach. It's like there's a bonfire in your gut.

You club the imp in the back to get its attention. He whirls around, and giggles one last time before you open your mouth.

The POTION OF DRAGON BREATH has filled you with a salvo of flames. The imp doesn't have anywhere to run before a cone of fire engulfs it.

Even as it burns to death, the creepy thing still doesn't seem to even feel it. No pain, and no fear. It goes laughing all the way to the grave.

The imp explodes into a shower of grist twice as big as the last one. You suppose that it gave back all the grist it ate. There's even some new grist, a white variety.

You suddenly feel really tired. You guess that in real life, "Spending a healing surge" to use a potion equates to burning a lot of caloric energy. Or maybe you're just feeling some post-dramatic stress disorder. Traumatic. Post-traumatic. Whatever. You're tired. Who cares about grammar right now.

>Reap the spoils!

You get a nice load of BUILD GRIST, which you're familiar with, as well as DUST GRIST and ECTOPLASM GRIST, which you're not.

>Retrieve your weapon

It's not to be. The dragon fire burned the imp nicely, but it also burned the imp's part of your beloved walking stick into black charcoal. There's no way to repair it now. You're just lucky that this room has tiling instead of carpeting.

You return to your bedroom and lock the door, further securing it with a bookcase barricade. You need to get back to the computer, and to the Alchemiter. If you're going to survive out here, you need a sturdier weapon, and maybe some more potions.

edited 19th Jan '12 9:25:02 PM by Enlong

I have a message from another time...
ChrisisCraziest Indomitable from Bountiful, Utah Since: Feb, 2010
Indomitable
#45: Jan 19th 2012 at 10:43:28 PM

>Mari: Pester Chums

Man you're all over that. First, you check on Sally. She's actually doing ok! Yeah, you're surprised too. Of course, she's only fought pushover imps, but you're sure she'll be able to handle the bigger stuff once it shows up, right? Of course you are. Full of confidence, you are.

As a reward for Sally's triumph over the forces of evil, you build her a path up to her gate. It looks like this (note: not indicative of your artistic talents which are AMAZING thank you). She pussies out of climbing it at that moment, then actually shows a bit of wisdom and alchemizes some climbing gear. And then she freaks out again and stops talking to you. Haha, whatever Sally.

You watch her for a bit longer without talking. She makes several halting attempts to start climbing, each one just ends with her back in her room quivering in fear. Well, you can't say it was unexpected. You'll just come back to her later, hopefully she'll have mustered up some actual courage by that point. One can always hope.

Naturally, all that building has made you pretty anxious to ascend yourself, so you decide to talk to Nate next. So, of course, he goes offline just as you start to talk to him. The man has an uncanny knack for doing that.

Then you default to talking to Jackie. She's fun to mess with, as usual. Not that you were lying about finding out about her robot sprite or anything, it's just not that big a deal. Unless it was like, a sex bot or something, that'd be so juicy! Not that that'd ever happen. No way Jackie could ever bring herself to make something like that!

And then you're interrupted again by another ogre showing up.

Yeah, you killed it. Damn ogre refused your magnanimous offer of life in slavery. They just seem dumber than the imps, honestly. You guess it makes sense, but it's still annoying. You'd love to have some heavier muscle in your little army. Regardless, +1 kill for the Vicar, +levels for you and he. You and he? Maybe I and he. Or he and I? Man, whatever, you didn't even learn English until you were like 12, you're allowed to be confused about grammar.

You walk back inside, soaked as always, and decide that the perfect end to a session of giant monster murdering would be some alchemizing. You stretch, sit down, and start sending out your minions to hunt down items for you. We're just gonna skip over the dud combinations because there are a ton of those, as usual.

>Combine nailgun, wire, knife, and wrist harness

That was a tricky one, took a dozenish tries to make work. And yeah, you had all that. You've been stockpiling miscellaneous shit for a few years now in preparation for the game, have an big room full of it.

Anyway, it makes this spiffy rocket knife wrist thing, the NAMES ARE HARD. Punches into the spire surface outside and pulls you to it, lets you hang off the roof. You test it on a few hapless imps your impquisitors drag in for you, blows them right up. Should be a nice addition to your arsenal! Killing things and being batman, what better combination can a girl ask for?

>Combine running shoes with knives

It puts knives in your shoes, yielding the incredibly fashionable KNIFE SHOES. They have a little trigger in the toe, pops out a wicked little blade. It punches into the spires and holds you, you go and test it. Can't ever go wrong with more knives, or more batman gadgetry climbing shit.

>Combine earring, computer, and projector, and a knife because fuck you knives are great

You get the HOLOGRAPHIC EARRING COMPUTER THINGY. Hands free computing on the go, and soooooo pretty too. If someone said they didn't like knife shaped diamond earrings with computers in them, you'd have to call them a liar.

>Combine ancestral khanda with taser

Haha, classic. Yeah, it's makes it shocking or whatever. Let's go with TAZE SWORD, that sounds like a stupid enough name. Your ancestral weapon is now slightly deadlier. Yay!

>Combine TAZE SWORD with NAMES ARE HARD

Suddenly, you have rocket swords. Lightning rocket swords. The LIGHTNING ROCKET SWORDS. They kind of spring into existence when you fire them, don't even exist in the wrist sheath thing otherwise. Convenient! You end up going with one LIGHTNING ROCKET SWORD and one NAMES ARE HARD for armaments, keep things versatile. You pass down your ancestral khanda to the Vicar, make a big show of it. He is suitably honored, and gains another level for suddenly gaining a badass sword on a chain.

Also, you're out of grist. It was bound to happen eventually. Nothing for it but to kill more shit, which you're always down for. Or just wait until the impquisitors kill more shit for you. Either or.

You really are getting antsy about entering your first gate though, if Nate doesn't have a good excuse for keeping you waiting like this you'll have to get violent.

Do or do not, there is no try.
Bocaj Funny but not helpful from Here or thereabouts (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
Funny but not helpful
#46: Jan 19th 2012 at 11:37:02 PM

>Be the INEBRIATE

Continuing from before, you create your entry item with seconds to spare but were shocked to find that the game created a full bottle. A seventh sense told you that the bottle was full of alcohol. Every fiber of your being told you to take the time to drain the bottle into your mouth hole but the non-fibrous parts of you know that there's not enough time. As a single tear rolls down your face, you smash the bottle against the side of the alchemiter. As the whiff of spilt finest spirits reaches your nose, a bright light fills the area and you black out, presumably due to the shock of wasting booze.

>Wake up later

You miss some manner of memo but skimming it later convinces you that it was just Sarah and Mari bitching at one another.

But before that, you wake up next to the alchemiter. Sleeping on the floor in a pile of broken glass and spilled alcohol isn't the best place to take a nap but on the other hand your hangover is gone so you're willing to chalk it up as an overall positive change in your situation. Also, you're not dead. You guess you made it to Mars safely.

You get up and climb through the holes back to your dorm room and have a close encounter of the worst kind. Three douchebag little Martians are in your room and messing with your stuff, pulling stuff out of drawers and throwing it everywhere. It just goes to show that manners are a human invention. And then you see it.

It is a sobering sight really. One of the Martians is taking your booze out of your secret booze drawer and just pouring it out. Something oughta be done about that. And you see your grappling hook hanging on the door near you.

It occurs to you, as you deftly spin the heavy clawed end before sending it to smash against the Martian's skull, that a grappling hook bears a resemblance to the chain-sickle, kusarigama thingy. Sharp thing, length of rope. Match made in heaven. Of course, the grappling hook is more handy since you can climb with it. The Martian's Martian friends squeal in alarm as he explodes into weird geometric shapes. Xenobiology isn't your subject so you figure that that's just how they bleed on Mars probably because of the different gravity. Interesting.

You grab the grappling hook by the hook and use it close range against another one of the Martians like a club precipitating another polygon explosion. The last Martian looks frightened and tries to abscond through the hole in the wall but you snare him with the grappling hook and drag him back to you as he scratches at the floor and tries to hold onto anything. Taking the rope, you wrap it around the Martian's neck and pull. Hmm, further interesting findings. It seems that they asphyxiate much like humans do except then they explode into polygons. You are learning much today.

You leave the Martian blood where it fell and check out your stash to see if anything survived. Luckily a few bottles escaped unscathed. You are contemplating whether you are too sober for these shenanigans when you notice that your pesterchum is offline. You log in and immediately get pestered by Sarah. She is soooooooo drunk. You feel the stirrings of envy except the cool kind of envy where instead of getting all worked up, you reference memes at her. Ah the new Star Wars movies. You keep meaning to watch those.

You tell her that you're now an alien murderer but like a friend she supports your life choices. She also encourages you to kill more aliens but you probably won't bother them if they leave you alone. And then she tries to get you to try a new drink but it involves some machine that Jackie didn't give you. You should probably contact her.

You pour yourself a drink and then another and then a third because even numbers are unlucky, before heading out to the common room. There are Martians in there too. Martians everywhere. Many of them are holding things that look distinctly pilfered from dorm rooms. But its not your stuff so you won't let it color your second impressions of this new alien life.

"I come in peace give or take three dudes I just killed for wasting booze. But I think that if we put that behind us we can get along fine. Its a big planet, right?"

They do not look happy. In fact, many of them look hostile and are brandishing things at you. Hmm. You begin twirling your grappling hook idly. A smile blossoms on your face as you feel the booze kicking in.

Its going to be a good day.

edited 19th Jan '12 11:41:04 PM by Bocaj

Forever liveblogging the Avengers
WhichDockter Since: Jan, 2012
#47: Jan 20th 2012 at 9:33:23 AM

>Nate: Have a good reason for keeping Mari waiting.

You are gonna die you are so gonna die you are so totally going to die.

You need to think of a plan other than aggressing the ogre’s foot, because right now all that is doing is succeeding at pissing the thing off.

>Throw your board at the ogre’s head.

The ogre just bats your precious weapon away, sending it over the roof and into the abyss. The two of you stop fighting for a moment, just to watch the Street Brawler’s Backhander’s sad, slow descent.

Why did you think that was a good idea.

At least you still have your trusty paddleboa—oh god it just picked you up and now it’s going to eat you oh god.

>Ogre: Play with new toy.

The ogre decides the best way to play with you would be to shake you like a fizzy drink.

Now you’re getting dizzy.

>Get out of there.

You struggle to free yourself, and when that doesn’t work, you wail at the thing’s thumb with your board. The ogre’s grip loosens slightly, but it doesn’t drop you. You stare at the thing’s maw and suddenly have an idea.

>Do something crazy.

You pull the Sultan Hat out of your sylladex and ready yourself. When the ogre brings you closer to its face, you loop the spacious hat over on the beast’s gigantic tusks and hold on tight when the hand holding you moves back down.

The force plucks you out of the ogre’s grip and throws you into the air, ripping your Sultan Hat in the process. The tattered bit of material remains on the ogre’s tusk and you put the next part of your hastily thought-up plan into action by retrieving your skateboard from your strife specibus.

You really hope this works.

While the ogre is busy trying to figure out where the hell you went, you position yourself on the skateboard, directing your fall towards the monster’s head. You nail the landing and proceed to grind down the ogre’s back.

That is the first time you have EVER pulled off a trick on a skateboard. THAT WAS SO AWESOME.

You should probably celebrate later, though. The ogre isn’t looking too happy about the nice wheel carvings in its back.

>Keep aggressing.

You attempt to wheel yourself out of the way of the ogre’s retaliating punch, but unfortunately your sudden skateboard prowess has left you and the board slips out from under your feet. The ogre’s fist connects with your body, launching you back into the air.

Luckily you manage to recover just in time to pull your paddleboard back out and slam it into the beast’s eyes.

It promptly explodes. It couldn’t handle your sheer, unadulterated awesome.

>Collect the goodies.

Man, that thing produced a ton of grist. You collect a vast amount of BUILD GRIST, as well as some new types, CARNELIAN and INK.

You also jump up a couple of rungs on your echeladder, to MORRIBLE MAGNATE.

You’re probably going to need a better weapon now, since not only did you lose your Street Brawler’s Backhander, your skateboard rolled off the ledge when you slipped. You hope losing your weapons like this doesn’t become a trend.

edited 20th Jan '12 9:54:23 AM by WhichDockter

PulpFreeBookworm Post Tenebras Lux from Everywhere and Nowhere Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: Not caught up in your love affair
Post Tenebras Lux
#48: Jan 20th 2012 at 11:41:08 PM

>Addy: Pester Alan.

Didn't you just STOP Pestering Alan? what gives?

Oh yeah, after that memo we saw ages ago you decided to check on him. Right.

>Addy: Be distracted from Alan by your Kittensprite and more visitors.

Your attempt is an overwhelming success.

You hear your sprite hissing behind you. Some more imps are attacking her (and aren’t you glad you don’t have to be awkward and call them “black guys” now that there’s a proper term for them?)!

You Aggress them this time. You seem to be getting better; you brain a couple of creepy dolly ones and a tiger-striped one. Then comes the part QB, part Foo Fighter one with it’s looping “CON-TRACT!- CON-TRACT!- CON-TRACT!- CON-TRACT!-“ and it’s menacing a broken chair leg at you and you kind of get carried away.

You take your Sweepnet, scoop up the imp (logically a part of your mind knows that your net shouldn’t even be big enough for that, it’s for insect work not deep-sea fishing, but a more primal part of you screams I DON’T CARE) and forcefully slam it on the ground, head-first so as to maximize the payoff for your effort. You collect the grist that the imps have dropped, and turn around to see more imps running away from you.

You flashback to the last one to get away and you decide that these won’t. You pull out your secret weapon, stashed in the depths of your Bag. It’s a card for the Fistkind specibus. You equip it in your strife deck and give chase.

Clothesline! Left Jab! Right hook! Suplex! Piledriver! Camel Clutch! You are soon in a possession of a lot more grist than you were. This is fun!

You return to your sprite and your computer. You then decide to check in on Alan, like you meant to before you were so rudely interrupted!

He’s doing fine, luckily. He gives you some food for thought and a secret to keep! You are about to turn away to go do some alchemy, when Danny contacts you. Small world! It’s almost like it was planned or something, but that’s silly.

He is also luckily fine. He gives you a couple of great ideas as well! You figure if you’re going to fight you might as well model yourself after the great examples of your favorite heroes! You turn towards the Alchemiter, and your sprite lets out a plaintive “Purrr?” at the glint in your eye when-

SUDDENLY IT’S TIME TO BE SOMEONE ELSE! OH MY GOODNESS THAT WAS SUDDEN!

The baby bat/ Screamed out in fright,/ 'Turn on the dark,/ I'm afraid of the light.'
Bocaj Funny but not helpful from Here or thereabouts (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
Funny but not helpful
#49: Jan 21st 2012 at 12:18:28 AM

>Was it a good day?

Oh yeahhhhh. Not even every one of the Martians aggressing you is enough to get your spirits down. You begin lashing out with the grappling hook, bowling imps over, or spinning it around you to prevent the Martians from getting too close. You find yourself sinking into a contemplative state while you mechanically battle the Martians. Its kind of like what happens when you climb. You stop thinking about every handhold and start going automatically and let your mind drift where it may. You begin to notice, that contrary to your first possible Sarah-angering opinion, not all the Martians look alike. Some of them have a sort of cat face or sort of stripes. Others are wearing a very familiar looking sort of helmet. And still others give this impression that despite being horrible violent Martians they might be caring and understanding partners for your daughter, if you had a daughter.

And then before you know it, you've cleared the common room of Martians and ascended a few rungs of your echeladder up to MONKEYBARS MAESTRO. So, that's cool. And the formerly bland common room has now been redecorated with lots of lovely colorful polygons. It adds a nice touch to the room in your opinion.

You did manage to take a few dings in the process of taking out all those Martians though. Some bruises, some knife wounds, stuff like that. Something to take care of before getting into another fight basically.

You walk back to your room and look out the window. There's a weird thing up in the sky providing illumination but its probably the only thing. You appear to be in a sort of cave and your dorm building is nestled into a sort of nook up the cave wall. You could probably climb down although its a hell of a climb. Actually, it looks like a longer climb than you've attempted before. You can't even see the bottom really. Okay but you maintain that you could probably climb down if you wanted to except you don't know where you'd go. You don't know how deep into the cave you are. You don't know what direction to head in. You don't know anything about where you are, really.

Sally pesters you and asks for the codes to some climbing gear which you happily provide. Oh and hey, looks like Nate is pestering you. Well, looks like Nate has conveniently answered some of your questions. Now you have a trio of things to be doing. Finding your sprite, upgrading your weapon, and trying to reach the glowy gate above the house.

And before you head off on this triple quest you decide to contact Addy. The last you talked to her she was going to be at the mercy of Brick as her server so it would be good to check up. Thankfully she seems fine. But apparently you were supposed to be picking up the martian/imp blood so you go and do that now. It just sort of disappears when you pick it up but you'll just assume that's what its supposed to do.

So now to look for your sprite. Where could he be? Well, some searching and more dead imps later you find your sprite. And it is glorious.

He is on the rooftop with his helmet removed and his hair blowing in some inexplicable cave breeze as he contemplates the view before him. At the sound of your footsteps, he turns around, his helmet materializing over his hair and begins speaking to you.

You think its pretty clear that without a doubt you have the best sprite. He hands you an E-Tank but it disappears when you touch it and as if by science magic, your various injuries are healed and you feel refreshed.

You knew today was going to be a good day. Welp, time to go hunt down and kill more imp Martians. Megaman said so.

Forever liveblogging the Avengers
WhichDockter Since: Jan, 2012
#50: Jan 21st 2012 at 7:39:44 PM

>Nate: Alchemize some new stuff.

You’re pretty sure you deserve some cool new gadgets and luckily you now have the grist to accommodate them.

>Make a new skateboard.

With pleasure. You can’t wait to see what other rad tricks you can pull off in the face of danger. With any luck you will eventually be able to do some really cool shit.

You wonder if you can somehow make your skateboard even cooler.

>Combine SKATEBOARD || WICKED POSTER

You now have an EMERALD DEFYING GRAVIBOARD.

This is the coolest thing.

The.

Coolest.

Thing.

>Combine PADDLEBOARD && BEAUTY AND THE BEAST POSTER

It looks like you have enough grist for this combination now. You get the BEAST’S THORNS OF ENCHANTMENT. It’s a little on the big side, so you have to hold it with two hands, but you can tear through imps with ease now, and ogres should be a lot easier to handle, too.

>Combine BOTTLED WATER && BOX OF BANDAIDS || DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS PLAYER’S HANDBOOK.

You take a hint from your conversation with Sarah earlier and decide to make a CURE LIGHT WOUNDS POTION. You down the potion quickly, and the bruises from your ogre fight seem to fade.

You make a few more of these to take with you, just in case.

>Combine SHOES && DUCT TAPE || SPIDER-MAN COMIC.

It hits you that you’re going to need a way of climbing the MC Escher painting Sarah built on top of your house, so you snag one of your old Spider-Man comic books and make a pair of STICKY GRIP WALL-CRAWLER SNEAKERS.

You apply the same treatment to a pair of OLD WINTER GLOVES to get the complementing STICKY GRIP WALL-CRAWLER MITTS.

You are now running pretty low on grist, but you’re feeling sufficiently prepared to begin climbing up to your gate. You still need a little bit more of a boost to reach it though, and you’re not entirely sure how to get it.

>Begin evil plotting.

Evil plotting? What? Your aspirations are far from evil. You’re just going to check on your good friends and see what they’re up to, just to help him out a little bit.

Okay, so maaaybe you’re kind of scoping out your chances of becoming the leader of your little group, but who cares! It’s completely harmless, right?

Right.

You browse through your list of online chums using your goggles. Danny’s online. He’s a pretty cool guy and you have kind of been of wondering what he’s been up to, so you think you’ll shoot him a line.

>Pester Danny

That went pretty well, you think, and you do manage to get a little insight into Danny’s thoughts on Mari.

Speaking of which, she pesters right when you’re about to finish your chat up with Danny. Wicked timing.

>Answer Mari

At Mari’s request, you get to work on building up her house, while she gets to work on talking to Sarah for you about building up YOUR house.

Wow, that was awful nice of her.

After a couple mess-ups (and one unfortunately misplaced support beam), you manage to finish building Mari’s house up to her gate. And that stage you built? Gorgeous. You handiwork is wasted on Mari’s impquisitors.

>Ascend.

You'd like to, but you still won't be able to reach the gate! Instead, you decide to take care of the imps and ogres that have started swarming around your house. It will give you something to do while you wait on Sarah.

edited 21st Jan '12 8:17:21 PM by WhichDockter


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