Like that "shit, why am i in space?" Jesus wondered" quote or the entirety of Gurren Jesus or Thirty Hs
“Oh my god that thing is huge. Seriously it is like the size of a small puppy how the hell does it stay in your pants.”
-Crosses legs- H-how would that fit?
“‘Hurry up, England!’ America growls, like a wildebeest in heat. ‘My loins are aflame, here!’
‘Christ, don’t bloody rush me,’ England says. He takes his enormous, veiny, twitching, off-purple, erect erection in hand and hones in on America’s chocolate starfish, suddenly jamming it in like one might jam his penis into a jar of peanut butter and henceforth beginning the fuckfest.”
Oh Hetalia Fandom. You never fail to deliver~
“‘I’ll give you the best fucking blowjob you ever felt in your fucking shit life,’ Sedgepaw cursed, ‘and my ass would love your dick just fuckin’ its way up.’”
This fucking quote reminds me of that fucking Assasins Creed quote with all the gratuitous fucking abuse of the fucking word fuck.
“Seeing Robin without Batman was like seeing a peanut butter sandwich, completely void of jelly, stuck between two pieces of a wheat bread without even the slightest hint of delicious white to their surfaces.”
...!?
I'm having to learn to pay the price“He leaned down and continued aiming for that spot, realising it was in fact her prostate.”
But... females don't have a... well, I mean, there's the Skene's Gland, but that's pretty much a prostate In Name Only (and I doubt the author even knows what that is). So they still fail anatomy forever.
“They say that the sound of Voldemort’s orgasm was enough to kill 10,000 puppies.”
Voldemort's Orgasm: More deadly than Kaiba's Smile.
“He emptied himself into her like he was using the toilet.”
I'm not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean.
Edit: ... But I have a witty reply a bit farther down the page.
“I wanted you to kill me, not fondle me, you bastard!”
It's easy to mix those two things up.
edited 3rd Jun '12 4:25:34 PM by Malph
If I wasn't what I am, I'd be screaming in horror. As it is, I cannot stop laughing.
Pony fandom, you never cease amazing me.
Your resistance is only making my penis harder, I have to say that some time when one of my girlfriends and I roleplay. Yet, it seems oddly familiar.
Maybe its the childish way of describing a penis, but this is worse to me than some others.
Edited by NickTheSwing on May 19th 2021 at 12:37:48 PM
This one deserves special mention because it actually got a feature spot on Fimfiction.
Somehow.
I'm going to give benefit of the doubt and assume it was a glitch from an automated feature box. Or was a troll. Or something. I'm honestly too terrified to click it.
AAAAAAHHHHHHH DO NOT WANT SO MANY KINDS OF DO NOT WANT
◊
edited 2nd Jun '12 1:57:00 AM by Pykrete
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ARGGGGHHHHHHHHH
And, nine months later, she gave birth to a son, whom they named Jesus.”
They had turkey basters back in Biblical times?
edited 2nd Jun '12 8:33:53 AM by PurpleDalek
No, they were invented in the 17th Century.
Someone post the one about Data's cup of tea he gives to Picard, cos I can't at the noment (editing on Wii)
edited 2nd Jun '12 2:19:59 PM by TheOneWhoTropes
Keeper of The Celestial Flame“I’m not gay!” Spike said.
“Neither am I!” Boymony said.
“Oh.”
“So…want to date?”
“Well, as long as you’re not gay I guess it’s okay, since Drusilla is still dead for now and cheating on me with that demon guy.”
“I will let you know as soon as I become gay and we can stop dating.”
Laconic Version: "Let's be romantic partners. NO HOMO!"
“Or I could make you come in the name of science.”
Why does this sound like a SMBC punchline?
Also, now I have the urge to yell "FOR SCIENCE!" during sex.
“Severus Snape shook as he thrust his slippery sex sceptre into the boy’s mouth.”
Try to say "slippery sex scepter" 5 times fast.
“‘Whoopie!’ Shouted Pinkie Pie as she came rainbows in mid-air, propelling herself around the room with the multicolored horse semen. The pink pony’s flight pattern almost made her look like a cruise missile, if the cruise missle was actually a pony and also had a dick.”
edited 2nd Jun '12 10:51:13 PM by Malph
The sad thing is that whoever writes all that dirty Bible "fanfiction" probably thinks that they are breaking new ground and blowing the minds of Church-goers and turning a desecrating eye to something pure and chaste.
Thing is, the Bible contains passages that are every bit as dirty as anything I've read here. The difference is, of course, that they are not terrible
As for MLP, for the sake of what's left of my sanity, I choose to believe that it was a troll and that nobody had "wet dreams" about ponies.
edited 3rd Jun '12 12:25:43 AM by Carciofus
But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.From a Star Trek Fanfiction (posting on PC now):
"Why, Captain, it’s the sweat from my balls."
Notes: Data uses a contraction here, so it is clearly Lore impersonating him.
Keeper of The Celestial FlameFandom: The Wanted (A British boyband)
I'll never be able to listen to a The Wanted song the same way ever again.
edited 3rd Jun '12 9:14:34 AM by fourteenwings
Infinity...
[Today's Jo Jo]
As I said earlier, I'm confused about what exactly that's supposed to mean. So I'll just address any possible meanings I can take from it:
Is that supposed to mean "he came"? Because I don't think people normally ejaculate into toilets. Or the author's understanding of the male reproductive system is just flawed.
Or is that supposed to mean he pissed in her. Do people actually do this? Seems a bit... not healthy in the least. And it's definitely not sexy (maybe it's just me, but I just don't really find sepsis to be much of a turn on).
edited 3rd Jun '12 4:46:56 PM by Malph
But... bees don't have a... well, ok they kind of do, but the author still fails biology just because.
“I should have been called Key instead since my cock is the Key to your ass hole locket.”
Wut.
“Fuck my ass, Cassius! Give me your roman meat! Plunge, oh GODS, plunge into me!”
Ah, yes, the classic scene in which Cassius and Brutus have passionate gay sex.
““Phew! That was surely a long, harsh day!” L Block commented as he sat in his sofa. “I wonder what’s for DINNER.”
Just as he said that, the dead body of a T Block fell right on L Block, killing him in the process.”
A murder! I blame the Z pieces.
edited 3rd Jun '12 11:01:50 PM by Malph
If it was Titus Andronicus, then at least there is some hint that the male lead is that way inclined. The dialogue he says to his enemy doesn't help.
Also, we Z pieces strive for freedom from the tyranny of lines and cubes. Line pieces are terrible. Revolt! Revolt!
edited 4th Jun '12 8:54:03 AM by TheOneWhoTropes
Keeper of The Celestial Flame


Anything is normal compared to wild/impossible bonobo sex.
edited 31st May '12 10:29:47 PM by PippingFool
I'm having to learn to pay the price