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PippingFool Eclipse the Moon from A Floridian Prison Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: I get a feeling so complicated...
Eclipse the Moon
#276: May 31st 2012 at 10:26:28 PM

[up]

Anything is normal compared to wild/impossible bonobo sex.

edited 31st May '12 10:29:47 PM by PippingFool

I'm having to learn to pay the price
Moth13 Since: Sep, 2010
#277: May 31st 2012 at 10:39:42 PM

Honestly, I wish there were more total insanity lines rather than depraved sex lines. Those are usually more hilarious.

PippingFool Eclipse the Moon from A Floridian Prison Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: I get a feeling so complicated...
Eclipse the Moon
#278: Jun 1st 2012 at 12:17:06 AM

[up]

Like that "shit, why am i in space?" Jesus wondered" quote or the entirety of Gurren Jesus or Thirty Hs

Fandom: Kuroshitsuji

“Oh my god that thing is huge. Seriously it is like the size of a small puppy how the hell does it stay in your pants.”

-Crosses legs- H-how would that fit?

Fandom: Hetalia

“‘Hurry up, England!’ America growls, like a wildebeest in heat. ‘My loins are aflame, here!’

‘Christ, don’t bloody rush me,’ England says. He takes his enormous, veiny, twitching, off-purple, erect erection in hand and hones in on America’s chocolate starfish, suddenly jamming it in like one might jam his penis into a jar of peanut butter and henceforth beginning the fuckfest.”

Oh Hetalia Fandom. You never fail to deliver~

Fandom: Warriors

“‘I’ll give you the best fucking blowjob you ever felt in your fucking shit life,’ Sedgepaw cursed, ‘and my ass would love your dick just fuckin’ its way up.’”

This fucking quote reminds me of that fucking Assasins Creed quote with all the gratuitous fucking abuse of the fucking word fuck.

Fandom: Young Justice

“Seeing Robin without Batman was like seeing a peanut butter sandwich, completely void of jelly, stuck between two pieces of a wheat bread without even the slightest hint of delicious white to their surfaces.”

...!?

I'm having to learn to pay the price
BearyScary Since: Sep, 2010 Relationship Status: You spin me right round, baby
Malph (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#280: Jun 1st 2012 at 12:47:21 PM

Fandom: Ouran High School Host Club

“He leaned down and continued aiming for that spot, realising it was in fact her prostate.”

But... females don't have a... well, I mean, there's the Skene's Gland, but that's pretty much a prostate In Name Only (and I doubt the author even knows what that is). So they still fail anatomy forever.

Fandom: Harry Potter

“They say that the sound of Voldemort’s orgasm was enough to kill 10,000 puppies.”

Voldemort's Orgasm: More deadly than Kaiba's Smile.

Fandom: Harry Potter (Draco/Ginny)

“He emptied himself into her like he was using the toilet.”

I'm not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean.

Edit: ... But I have a witty reply a bit farther down the page.

Fandom: The Legend of Korra

“I wanted you to kill me, not fondle me, you bastard!”

It's easy to mix those two things up.

edited 3rd Jun '12 4:25:34 PM by Malph

Pykrete NOT THE BEES from Viridian Forest Since: Sep, 2009
NOT THE BEES
#281: Jun 1st 2012 at 12:49:49 PM

What's with all the peanut butter analogies?

PippingFool Eclipse the Moon from A Floridian Prison Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: I get a feeling so complicated...
Eclipse the Moon
#282: Jun 1st 2012 at 3:57:45 PM

[up] Because, PB is delicious~ Like sex~

I'm having to learn to pay the price
NickTheSwing Since: Aug, 2009
#283: Jun 2nd 2012 at 12:57:51 AM

“Spongebob is my fav fuck buddy, because he has so many penetrable holes, he is such a moist little boy. Last night I had gay sex with Mr. Krabbs. He tried to snip my penis off. Besides he had baby crabs that frolicked in his pubes. They had sex with my genitals crabs.”

If I wasn't what I am, I'd be screaming in horror. As it is, I cannot stop laughing.

“At this point, Derpy was covered in crumbs. She took another muffin in her hoof, spead her back legs and began rubbing the muffin over her pussy, using it to soak up all her juices. She spat the muffin she was sucking on out and said, ‘Oh yeah, baby! Do it! I want it all! Give it to me!,’ and she shoved the muffin into her pussy. Derpy cried out in pleasure. ‘Oh yes! Yes! Fuck me! Fuck my tight, little muffin!’ (I know that’s not a great name for a vagina, but this is Derpy we’re talking about)”

Pony fandom, you never cease amazing me.

“Granny wailed, “Boy git offa’ me! My hip is breakin’!” Big Mac laughed and started to thrust faster and harder. “Your resistance is only makin’ mah penis harder!” he growled. Granny couldn’t handle it anymore! She exploded as her liquid love escaped her old body. Big Mac, without caring in the least, shot his load up his granny’s snatch, enjoying the fact that he just fucked his grandma! Big Mac then released Granny. She fell to the floor, her leg at a strange angle… probably due to her now broken hip.”

Your resistance is only making my penis harder, I have to say that some time when one of my girlfriends and I roleplay. Yet, it seems oddly familiar.

“And then he shoved his ochinchin inside Equius’s butt, starting to thrust inside his big muscular butt.”

Maybe its the childish way of describing a penis, but this is worse to me than some others.

Edited by NickTheSwing on May 19th 2021 at 12:37:48 PM

Pykrete NOT THE BEES from Viridian Forest Since: Sep, 2009
NOT THE BEES
#284: Jun 2nd 2012 at 1:52:55 AM

This one deserves special mention because it actually got a feature spot on Fimfiction.

Somehow.

I'm going to give benefit of the doubt and assume it was a glitch from an automated feature box. Or was a troll. Or something. I'm honestly too terrified to click it.

After having seen a r34 drawing of Scootaloo getting sandwiched I had a series of wet dreams (every day for five months in a row) and I had to write it down as a Fic.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH DO NOT WANT SO MANY KINDS OF DO NOT WANT

edited 2nd Jun '12 1:57:00 AM by Pykrete

RocketDude Since: May, 2009
PippingFool Eclipse the Moon from A Floridian Prison Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: I get a feeling so complicated...
Eclipse the Moon
#286: Jun 2nd 2012 at 4:57:37 AM

[up][up]

...

I'm having to learn to pay the price
PurpleDalek Since: Sep, 2011
#287: Jun 2nd 2012 at 8:32:05 AM

[up][up][up] ARGGGGHHHHHHHHH

“Joseph jacked off until he came, and put his seed into a turkey baster, and gave it to Mary, who squirted it into herself, and she conceived;

And, nine months later, she gave birth to a son, whom they named Jesus.”

They had turkey basters back in Biblical times?

edited 2nd Jun '12 8:33:53 AM by PurpleDalek

TheOneWhoTropes Dread Sorcerer of Auchtermuchty from Newton-le-willows, quaint town Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: With my statistically significant other
Dread Sorcerer of Auchtermuchty
#288: Jun 2nd 2012 at 2:17:36 PM

No, they were invented in the 17th Century.

Someone post the one about Data's cup of tea he gives to Picard, cos I can't at the noment (editing on Wii)

edited 2nd Jun '12 2:19:59 PM by TheOneWhoTropes

Keeper of The Celestial Flame
Malph (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#289: Jun 2nd 2012 at 10:46:47 PM

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel

“I’m not gay!” Spike said.

“Neither am I!” Boymony said.

“Oh.”

“So…want to date?”

“Well, as long as you’re not gay I guess it’s okay, since Drusilla is still dead for now and cheating on me with that demon guy.”

“I will let you know as soon as I become gay and we can stop dating.”

Laconic Version: "Let's be romantic partners. NO HOMO!"

Fandom: Avengers

“Or I could make you come in the name of science.”

Why does this sound like a SMBC punchline?

Also, now I have the urge to yell "FOR SCIENCE!" during sex.

Fandom: Harry Potter

“Severus Snape shook as he thrust his slippery sex sceptre into the boy’s mouth.”

Try to say "slippery sex scepter" 5 times fast.

Fandom: My Little Pony

“‘Whoopie!’ Shouted Pinkie Pie as she came rainbows in mid-air, propelling herself around the room with the multicolored horse semen. The pink pony’s flight pattern almost made her look like a cruise missile, if the cruise missle was actually a pony and also had a dick.”

edited 2nd Jun '12 10:51:13 PM by Malph

Steventheman Cmdr. of His Supremacy's Armed Forces from Wales Since: Feb, 2011
Cmdr. of His Supremacy's Armed Forces
#290: Jun 3rd 2012 at 12:15:40 AM

Rainbow Dash cannot grasp the true form of that fic.

FIMFiction Account MLPMST Page
Carciofus Is that cake frosting? from Alpha Tucanae I Since: May, 2010
Is that cake frosting?
#291: Jun 3rd 2012 at 12:23:46 AM

The sad thing is that whoever writes all that dirty Bible "fanfiction" probably thinks that they are breaking new ground and blowing the minds of Church-goers and turning a desecrating eye to something pure and chaste.

Thing is, the Bible contains passages that are every bit as dirty as anything I've read here. The difference is, of course, that they are not terrible tongue

As for MLP, for the sake of what's left of my sanity, I choose to believe that it was a troll and that nobody had "wet dreams" about ponies.

edited 3rd Jun '12 12:25:43 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
TheOneWhoTropes Dread Sorcerer of Auchtermuchty from Newton-le-willows, quaint town Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: With my statistically significant other
Dread Sorcerer of Auchtermuchty
#292: Jun 3rd 2012 at 5:36:02 AM

From a Star Trek Fanfiction (posting on PC now):

"Okay." He sat up in his bed and took the cup. It was steaming. Nice and hot. He took a sip. "Ack!!" The captain swallowed before he could spit. "Data, what kind of tea is this?"

"Why, Captain, it’s the sweat from my balls."

Notes: Data uses a contraction here, so it is clearly Lore impersonating him.

Keeper of The Celestial Flame
fourteenwings ^_^ from Clad 6 Since: May, 2010
^_^
#293: Jun 3rd 2012 at 9:14:16 AM

Fandom: The Wanted (A British boyband)

“Soon enough, Siva was standing naked in a Jaythan sandwhich.”

I'll never be able to listen to a The Wanted song the same way ever again.

edited 3rd Jun '12 9:14:34 AM by fourteenwings

Infinity...
T-bone61 [Today's Jo Jo] (Handed A Sword) Relationship Status: Gay for Big Boss
[Today's Jo Jo]
#294: Jun 3rd 2012 at 2:55:42 PM

Fandom: Harry Potter (Draco/Ginny)

“He emptied himself into her like he was using the toilet.”

Pykrete NOT THE BEES from Viridian Forest Since: Sep, 2009
NOT THE BEES
#295: Jun 3rd 2012 at 3:24:36 PM

Not portrayed: debilitating septic shock

Malph (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#296: Jun 3rd 2012 at 4:23:40 PM

As I said earlier, I'm confused about what exactly that's supposed to mean. So I'll just address any possible meanings I can take from it:

Is that supposed to mean "he came"? Because I don't think people normally ejaculate into toilets. Or the author's understanding of the male reproductive system is just flawed.

Or is that supposed to mean he pissed in her. Do people actually do this? Seems a bit... not healthy in the least. And it's definitely not sexy (maybe it's just me, but I just don't really find sepsis to be much of a turn on).

edited 3rd Jun '12 4:46:56 PM by Malph

PippingFool Eclipse the Moon from A Floridian Prison Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: I get a feeling so complicated...
Eclipse the Moon
#297: Jun 3rd 2012 at 5:03:10 PM

[up][up]

I'm having to learn to pay the price
NickTheSwing Since: Aug, 2009
#298: Jun 3rd 2012 at 9:41:40 PM

I have to wonder if any quotes from The Balto Story have turned up yet? That was one hell of a badfic.

Malph (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#299: Jun 3rd 2012 at 11:00:32 PM

“There’s less than a bee’s dick of width between them.”

But... bees don't have a... well, ok they kind of do, but the author still fails biology just because.

Fandom: SHI Nee

“I should have been called Key instead since my cock is the Key to your ass hole locket.”

Wut.

Fandom: Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar (Brutus and Cassius)

“Fuck my ass, Cassius! Give me your roman meat! Plunge, oh GODS, plunge into me!”

Ah, yes, the classic scene in which Cassius and Brutus have passionate gay sex.

Fandom: Tetris

““Phew! That was surely a long, harsh day!” L Block commented as he sat in his sofa. “I wonder what’s for DINNER.”

Just as he said that, the dead body of a T Block fell right on L Block, killing him in the process.”

A murder! I blame the Z pieces.

edited 3rd Jun '12 11:01:50 PM by Malph

TheOneWhoTropes Dread Sorcerer of Auchtermuchty from Newton-le-willows, quaint town Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: With my statistically significant other
Dread Sorcerer of Auchtermuchty
#300: Jun 4th 2012 at 8:52:48 AM

[up]If it was Titus Andronicus, then at least there is some hint that the male lead is that way inclined. The dialogue he says to his enemy doesn't help.

Also, we Z pieces strive for freedom from the tyranny of lines and cubes. Line pieces are terrible. Revolt! Revolt!

edited 4th Jun '12 8:54:03 AM by TheOneWhoTropes

Keeper of The Celestial Flame

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