Is it wrong for the person with lower libido to occasionally have sex even though they don't really feel like it, for the sake of making their partner happy?
Absolutely not - as long as it is his/her choice.
Personally, I will believe rape culture is gone when we move away from "s/he didn't say no" as a defense/rationalization. If the person you're snogging isn't enthusiastically participating, then you might wanna rethink the situation.
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Yeah, I know, but it seems to me that there's a lot of grey in between those two. Even if their partner is the best partner in the world and would never put pressure on them to do something, wouldn't they feel a little bit of pressure anyway? Everybody wants their loved one to be happy.
Maybe I'm overthinking this, as I don't have any experiences with relationships. But surely it's possible for somebody to feel obligated to do something, despite their partner not deliberately laying the obligation on them?
Be not afraid...Rape is when sex is forced on someone, it's an attack against someone on multiple levels and it's punished deeply, it's not a culture, no-one I've ever met endorses rape, rapists are either insane, or have character flaws of such depravity that they're almost indistinguishable from the insane. Don't pretend that it's somehow accepted as part of someone's culture as anything less than a crime.
Inanity in 140 characters or moreI'm making a distinction between "feeling like you ought to" and "feeling like you don't have any other options." I don't think it's an unreasonable one to make.
Also, I just came across this today: http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2012/02/04/male-victims-of-sexual-assault/
I think sometimes that societies that are less casual about sex put more blame on the VICTIM, too, so that's not a solution.
"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - NarbonicI can't speak for other societies, but in ours, at least, the victim blaming I think comes from the unwillingness to think ill of people. It's easier and more pleasant to process that an awful miscommunication happened, and that one party saw it as less violent than the aggressor, than that people walk among us who are capable of utter disrespect of personhood and emotions.
You are a blowfish.iphobos, you say you want a study? Here's a study.
Also, your definition of culture was the closest of those given to the sense meant in "rape culture" but it's still not quite it. "Rape culture" was coined by a group of male prisoners in the early 1970s (they of course were talking about prison rape) and taken on by the (then new) feminist movement. It means "a culture that encourages rape".
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A fairly common theory for the reasons behind victim blaming is that it's about preserving one's self of security. "It was her fault for wearing that slutty outfit and drinking too much. Since I don't dress that trashily or drink that much, it could never possibly happen to me."
That and the whole Just World Fallacy. A lot of people would rather believe that bad things only happen to those that deserve it (and since they are good, they clearly don't deserve it). It's one reason jokes about Prison Rape are so prevalent.
But you're right about wanting to believe the best of people, too. It comes back to that Slavering Beast theory. If the accepted idea is that rapists are always Complete Monsters with no humanity, but you know that guy who has been accused of rape can be friendly and polite, then people find it difficult to connect "that guy" with "is a rapist" and they try to disassociate the term from the man.
The owner of this account is temporarily unavailable. Please leave your number and call again later.To be blunt, all this talk of "culture of rape" is the only reason I wouldn't immediately assume someone I liked was innocent of whatever crime they were accused of (rape, murder, or otherwise.)
Edit: Okay, maybe I'd assume they were guilty of drug use, but other than that . . .
edited 7th Feb '12 12:27:05 PM by feotakahari
That's Feo . . . He's a disgusting, mysoginistic, paedophilic asshat who moonlights as a shitty writer—Something AwfulI personally wouldn't immediately assume someone I knew and liked was innocent - although I'd try to give them the benefit of the doubt - just because there have been so many cases of people who knew serial killers and had no idea what was up. Anne Rule makes her living writing about real-life murders and she was friends with the Green River killer for years, for goodness sake!
So while I'd give my friends the benefit of the doubt, if evidence kept piling up I'd have to concede to it. So, I dunno...it might not be a bad moral? Even people who are good people can do bad things if the right triggers are hit.
edited 7th Feb '12 3:03:58 PM by Katrika
"You fail to grasp the basic principles of mad science. Common sense would be cheating." - NarbonicHey, um, person pages and pages ago who said something about how raping someone and then accusing them of rape was like hoping to frame someone by actually blowing yourself away and how that would make a pretty cool episode of Law And Order?
Well, firstly, that's not a very good analogy.
But secondly and more importantly: Don't shoot the messenger. Shoot the message. A phrase that has a conspicuous lack of phrases implying blind faith, pass it on.
Hail Martin Septim!I think that focus on "rape culture" (real or imagined - it's a bit of both) is shifting attention away from actual rapists. Add to that arbitrary definitions that increase the number of "rapes" while the number of rapes stays the same, as well as people who insist on getting sidetracked and missing the issue itself (I'm looking at you, Slutwalk), and you have a big part of the rape culture right there.
@Doma: Like we keep saying, it's opposed to rape of a ("pure", white) woman by a stranger. It doesn't give much of a fuck at all when strippers or prostitutes, or non-white women are raped. It generally even supports the rapist if he's known to the victim and especially if he's well known to other people.
But here's more on this
: go down to the section which gathers statistics about why most victims in the study didn't report their rapes. About half of rape victims didn't want other people to know they had been raped. About a quarter were afraid the police would be hostile. About 65% of the completed rape victims didn't think what happened to them was "serious enough to report". I hope you're not silly enough to claim rape culture doesn't exist in a culture where nearly 2/3 of rape victims don't think their own rape is serious enough to report to the police.
edited 16th Feb '12 5:53:44 PM by BlackHumor
In 1968, some Germans have tried to teach kids not to be ashamed of their bodies and sexualities, as a way of preventing them from developing a sexist, rape culture, where sex was shameful and "fucking someone" was synonymous with "fooling" or "humiliating" someone, once they grew up.
It was very experimental, and, having been brought up in a rape culture themselves, these adults were often practicing reverse stupidity and otherwise fumbling around, which is, ethically speaking, very questionable when educating children. But, what say you guys, did these Germans, on the whole, have the right idea? Or were they just wackos, or worse, perverts and abusers?
Edit: how do I get the parser to not put spaces after the commas in that url? EDIT: done
edited 17th Feb '12 6:22:30 AM by TheHandle
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

EDIT: @671 feotakahari, if you're going to vaguely mention but not cite a "study" I'm not going to argue about it, you simply don't have an informational basis to your written opinion, so why pretend that you do?
edited 6th Feb '12 3:54:07 PM by iphobos
Inanity in 140 characters or more