The Villa Evil
(Very dark in here, quite spooky... Some assclown in armor is wondering around, and there's lots of really sexy nerds just sorta hanging around, bumping and grinding to sensual techno music, lotta alcohol smells, pentagrams on the floor...)
ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKERS. YOU EVER BEEN TO THE VILLA EVIL BEFORE???? SHOW OF HANDS, WALLACE DOESN'T FUCKIN' COUNT BECAUSE HE'S A DIPSHIT.
…
…
...Uh, yeah, no. This is, uh, my first time?
CHURCH
(SUCCESS MOBBU, the pie bits soar back for Paula and—)
(...She catches them in her mouth, like a puppy dog.)
MMMM MMMMMRGHHH! Mmmm...
(aaaaand then Zack's electrocution. ZZZZZZZAP, she twitches and sizzles comically as her hair stands up on end and the smell of roasted pecans fills the air.)
mmmmmmm...
(daaaazed...)
Ha! Who's racist now, ése...?
(Takes out more Black Pockeys, but then...)
(KA-BONK! Risei tackles him to the ground.)
Son, I know you enjoy our potlucks, but this is a bit much...!
Outside the Police Station
Understood.
(Nods and follows Planetman... Seems there's commotion coming from that impoundment lot over there...)
Impoundment Lot
(Is poised to beat on Chris some more, but— BLAM! He flinches in pain from the shot and turns loose of those macho antlers, tendrils writhing in pain.)
GET IN!!!
edited 24th Nov '16 11:46:17 PM by MobileLeprechaun
make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019"Combat Mehico rascism with some good watashi no taco taco, dick!"
And Here Comes The Stop Sign
-Peter seems hyper-on-edge, looking around, disoriented-
-Moreso than a usual teen dork thrust into this situation-
This... this is...
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?Church
HURK—!
(STAB)
...Ow. You're better at this than you look, y'know.
(Dust, a dead spider, a wheat penny, more dust, an old cheeto, someone's disembodied toe, further dust— OH! Oh, jackpot, Reigen, an old cowboy-style six shooter! Just gotta reach past that dead spider and it's yours...!)
HWAUUUUUGHHH—!
(Paula just barely manages to fend off Zack's swing with a wall of fleshy, fatty tentacles, the blade grazing her cheek and drawing blood. Mob's prying is working, but the old hag is stubborn.)
Naow yawl, this really ain't any way t' be treatin' yer gracious host... OH! An' speakin' of hosts... How 'bout Ah get a lil' heyulp from some of the INFERNAL HOST?!
(Paula hikes up her shirt and reaches into her own navel, which is a swirling, black portal to Hell itself, producing... Oh god...
GIMME PIZZA
(The dreadful little imps fire pizza-shaped plasma beams from their maws at Zack, Mob and Savannah.)
Impoundment Lot
…
(Nods and goes all planetty as well, swoocing over there to see.)
(Gunth just fuckin' grabs Chris and yanks him in.)
ENGAAAAAAAAGE, GOD JESUS MOOOOOOODE—!!
(Ginger McWhitecoat jams the key into the ignition and starts the van up, and it quite abruptly transforms into A MECHA!)
(A... very unusual, unthreatening mech.
◊)
(The poor bastard finally faints from bloodloss after it's finished, though, leaving the robo control panel wide open.)
(AND DEMON SMALLS HAS GOTTEN BACK UP AND IS LUNGING.)
The Villa Evil
...okay so NO!!!! I'M BRALESS WEEN AND YOU'RE GONNA FUCKIN' LISTEN TO ME IF YOU WANNA DO JACK SHIT HERE. RULE 1: DON'T FUCK UP. RULE 2:
(Rips off his coat, revealing... EEUUGHHH. Really huge, icky manboobs and one of those Mega Milk shirts. JESUS...)
DON'T STARE AT MY TITS. RULE 3: YOU GOTTA TALK TO DR. EVIL BEFORE STARTING A NEW RPG. YOU SHITS WANNA COME WITH OR WHAT.
(Palpable unease.)
(David smirk.)
make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019

Cop Aftermath
When the time is right, of course. (continues heading in a random direction.)