Oh, no you don't.
-Throws his jumper and jacket back on-
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?-Shakes his head-
...He just kept getting worse. Just kept falling to new lows. Not matter how much I talked to him, or tried to help, it was just one long downward spiral.
...It was a mistake. All a mistake. I should have just kept him at arm's length the whole time.
Back when we were dealing with Nyx...he was a downer, for sure...but there was still something inside him. He still had some semblance of identity he cherished. He had ideals, and a will to fight for them, for himself. He could banter, and joke around, and.....
.....I thought when he finally shook off that Calamity bullshit, he'd get better....but nothing ever did, and now....just look at him now.
....The Cloud I called friend is dead. Burned away with his old body. Only thing left behind is a husk. A husk filled with nothing but self-loathing, who only wants to sit and rot. Took me just now to finally figure it out.
Nothing I say to him will matter. He'll just turn it into something else to hate about himself. He only stays alive because of me. He's probably trying to off himself right now.
....They'll stop him. They'll stop him and coddle him, just like they always do. Just like I did. They'll coddle him and do all his thinking for him and tell him that nothing about him needs to change. Who knows, maybe he'll find someone else to latch on to. Probably Gordon. He was close with Gordon...
edited 26th Dec '13 10:34:42 PM by MacDuffy
....If I had stayed away....maybe he would have been able to make his own decisions. He managed to defeat the Calamity without any help from me....if I just hadn't given him that crutch...maybe he'd have learned to keep himself upright...
...Maybe it's medical. Maybe he's just mentally ill. But he wouldn't except treatment. His fucked-up body would probably reject whatever medicine we could give him, and he attacks doctors on sight, doesn't trust a single one of him.
...Excuses. All excuses to justify his behavior...to justify hating himself.
...Maybe it's an outside source. Maybe someone's whispering those voices he hears to him. Making him this unstable wreck. Might be the Devil, like with you....but unless it just shows up at our front door, there's shit all I can do....Can't exactly track them down...
...I've had it, Alpha. I've just fucking had it with this upward climb to nowhere. I'm washing my hands of him completely. It's time he started thinking for himself, without my influence.
He's either going to figure it out, replace me, or die. It's sink-or-swim, and I don't fucking care what he picks anymore. If he wants to die, then he wants to die.
edited 26th Dec '13 10:53:07 PM by MacDuffy
Thanks for that. Don't know if I could have shocked him enough on my own.
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?We were saving the universe together. Shit like that'd make anybody friends.
...When I got a good look at him for the first time...and I saw that face....it was the face of somebody who had given up....who'd surrendered to fate....and you know how I feel about fate. I hate seeing broken people. I wasn't going to stand for it. And when I learned more and more about him....I wanted to save him. Fix him. I wanted to restore his hope. So I tried.
And I kept trying. Kept trying to save him, kept trying to fix him, kept trying to restore his hope.
Now look where it's fucking gotten him.
edited 26th Dec '13 11:05:28 PM by MacDuffy
They call me the Doctor.
-Shakes it-
-Looks up at Cloud's window-
There's a spark. I just know it. A part of him that can become ready to face the world and the consequences of his own choices. All we need to do is make it clear that he either faces up to it, or drags good people down with him.
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?-Cloud's window, for some reason, is completely black-
-Imagines going home to Tifa and finding her waiting for him and smiling, with Denzel talking his ear off about a detective novel he just read-
-He asks Tifa to marry him, and she accepts on the spot. Denzel and the others spend the weekend with Barret, and he and Tifa spend their time at Costa del Sol. It's much warmer there. They both get terribly sunburned, so they spend their time indoors instead-
-Later at home, there is fresh-baked bread that everyone is eating. It has no taste, as Cloud cannot remember what Tifa's bread tasted like, but it is warm and soft. He remembers that much-
-Later, he works on Fenrir with Denzel, who talks about maybe teaching him to drive it-
...Do you think he'd have done the same for you?
MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon AlchemistCloud's a... well, I would say friend, but he's been ambivalent to me at best. Same with everyone who's not Freeman or Aven. Aven was one of the first people I met before coming here. So far, he's been keeping Cloud's... less pleasant aspects in check. Cloud respects... no, more like worships him. I guess nobody has infinite patience.
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?Not always. That's what Aven keeps saying, anyway. Right now, it's sink or swim.
What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?...If he really is your friend — if it really is him — I think he would. I mean... even if things got really bad, after everything we've been through... I don't think I could ever not be friends with you. I don't think anyone could, if they went through that with each other. That's human nature too, y'know.
MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist

-Stands up, taking off his pants, leaving only underwear-
I'd take these off, but I have my modesty! Ahaha!
-Sits back down-
Also, I can do this, and I will do this because I bloody want to.