Silver finished packing. Ever since Simon, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Silver had been awesome.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing looked him, all was fantastic. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on a train to become a bodacious table.
Just then, there was a lively knock at the door. Silver opened it and stood there bitterly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his shoulder.
When Silver came to, Simon was holding his eye and looking horrible. "My love," Simon said hitherto, "I'm sorry for the terrific shock. I've been shipwrecked on a happy island for the last ten years, living like a run-on sentence taht does nothing for the story but extend its word count and oh wait.. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my leg in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Silver could hardly believe his Simon had returned. "I will always love you, leg or no leg. Besides, you can cover it up with a building."
They embraced slowly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was awful.
hahahawat
dead devotionSimon and Sophie were out for a fucked up Valentine's walk in the city. As they went, Sophie rested her hand on Simon's leg. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so perfect, Simon was filled with controlling dread.
"Do you suppose it's blood covered here?" he asked hastily.
"You beautiful silly," Sophie said, tickling Simon with her truncheon. "It's completely simple."
Just then, a freakish David Leatherhoff leapt out from behind a flip-knife and shot Sophie in the chest. "Aaargh!" Sophie screamed.
Things looked strange. But Simon, although he was wonderful, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a fire axe and, like you just want to get away from it all, beat the David Leatherhoff slowly until it ran off. "That will teach you to punch innocent people."
Then he clasped Sophie close. Sophie was bleeding sadly. "My darling," Simon said, and pressed his lips to Sophie's lips.
"I love you," Sophie said angrily, and expired in Simon's arms.
Simon never loved again.
But does he have an addiction?
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this postNice.
Also-
Aven hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like they were never mortal enemies. He loathed it.
Every December, Aven would feel himself getting all courageous inside. He refused to put up a Christmas Gun, he snapped at anyone nightmare enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Aven had to go to the mall to buy a weird pillar. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing coldly around and so much Christmas music blaring quickly, he thought his head would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a subjectival man collecting for charity. Aven never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the subjectival man dropped his bells and ran in a Park. There was a freakish Tragedian right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the subjectival man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Aven rushed out and happily pushed them both out of the way. There was a devilish bang and then everything went dark.
When Aven woke up, he was in a shadow room. There was a Christmas Gun in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Aven's leg hurt. A lot.
The subjectival man came into the room. "I'm so objectival!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Absolutist. You saved me from the truck. But your leg is broken."
Aven hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas Gun up and his leg was broken, he felt quite optimistic, especially when he looked at Absolutist.
"Your leg must hurt ferociously," Absolutist said. "I think this will help." And he stole Aven several times.
Now Aven felt very optimistic indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Absolutist. "I love you," he said, and kissed Absolutist bravely.
"I love you too," said Absolutist. Just then, the Tragedian ran into the room and nuzzled Aven's hand. "I brought him home with us," Absolutist said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Aven said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.

Fire axes are shippers.
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this post