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GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#110626: May 24th 2013 at 11:59:52 AM

Deltora. It is a game. We have provided constructive criticism. You are taking this way too seriously.

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
Boxen whatever he can Since: Jan, 2013
whatever he can
#110627: May 24th 2013 at 12:01:45 PM

I feel like Milton is being taken too much in a direction that I don't like.

dead devotion
SaintDeltora The Mistress from The Land Of Corruption and Debauchery Since: Aug, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world
The Mistress
#110628: May 24th 2013 at 12:01:50 PM

Again; I am sorry.

-sigh- For some reason any small little thing that occurs in the internet always pisses me off.

"Please crush me with your heels Esdeath-sama!
GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#110629: May 24th 2013 at 12:05:32 PM

Then you need to stop letting small things on the internet piss you off. You are in high school, by your own admission. Act like it.

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
GlobsterAGoGo from Mobile Leprechaun's alt account Since: Jan, 2013 Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
#110630: May 24th 2013 at 12:06:18 PM

Del, I'm sorry, but I was just trying to be forthright. I'm not going to sugarcoat anything. To be frank, you responded to the criticisms here in the discussion, but I see little indication that you have put the improvements into practice in the FG. I don't know, maybe I overlooked something, but the issues are still there.

Another thing, and I've noticed this both IC and OOC, but you seem to try to start conversations by asking personal/uncomfortable questions. I understand that it might be hard not to if you're socially-inept like you said, but I think you should at least be aware that it causes discomfort. It's not appropriate to start a conversation by asking the origin of a total stranger's name. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as rude here, but I just want to let you know about these things so that you can improve.

As far as the ramifications of actions thing, just try to give it a little extra thought.

and then they fricked in the booty
fancywig ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ from heckie Since: Apr, 2013 Relationship Status: It was only a kiss
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
#110631: May 24th 2013 at 12:12:16 PM

@Boxen: I prefer you think over Milton's take for a while. The more you think about it, the better!

I'll type up a response to Del and such soon, once I read it over and such.

GO AHEAD .... MR. JOEHSTUR .......
SaintDeltora The Mistress from The Land Of Corruption and Debauchery Since: Aug, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world
The Mistress
#110632: May 24th 2013 at 12:15:19 PM

@Spazz and @Glob Okay, I will try.

I am actually a lot calmer in real life, strangely enough.

edited 24th May '13 12:15:31 PM by SaintDeltora

"Please crush me with your heels Esdeath-sama!
Azure Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist from The World Since: Nov, 2012 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist
#110633: May 24th 2013 at 12:16:55 PM

Pretty much what Mobile said. Also in you responses you seem to reject the critisms we give you. They aren't to hurt you, they're to help you improve at the game. We understand that you don't know much about socilaizing but half the people here are Autistic, and that doesn't stop them from being great witers.

As for conversations its better to start them with "Hello, my name is ____. You are?" Or some variation of that. Stuff like "When is your birthday?" is a little strange for most people. Most people would only reveal that kind of information to someone they trust because they want to see them there on their birthday.

Also in order for us to really get a handle on your R Ping style you have to post more. Right now all we have to go off of is a few posts.

PM box is Closed, Indefinitely Friend Code: 3368-4181-6850
SaintDeltora The Mistress from The Land Of Corruption and Debauchery Since: Aug, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world
The Mistress
#110634: May 24th 2013 at 12:18:00 PM

This is literally the first RP I ever participated in. So... I do not have much of a "style".

And it is hard for me to post when I can only use the computer on weekends.

edited 24th May '13 12:19:30 PM by SaintDeltora

"Please crush me with your heels Esdeath-sama!
WackyPancake from My computer. Since: May, 2011
#110635: May 24th 2013 at 12:22:21 PM

THEN GET A PHONE! SILLY DEL...

But it's okay. If this is, indeed, your first RP, then I'm pretty sure you'll get better. Everybody has to learn some day. Just listen to the advice people give you and don't beat yourself up too much about it all.

-ADVICE FAIL-

edited 24th May '13 12:22:36 PM by WackyPancake

"I like girls, but now, it's about justice."
Azure Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist from The World Since: Nov, 2012 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist
#110636: May 24th 2013 at 12:24:15 PM

Everyone does you just don't know it yet. Experiment with stuff until you find something you're good at and stick with it.

Oh and one more thing. You seem to be trying to rush relationships with characters. For example. I imagine you would see SB and Bullet as good friends. However they've only known each other for a few days. SB is just an acquaintance to Bullet. They don't have a very deep connection yet. This ties into posting more. Stick with it and eventually characters will develop that deep connection that you seem to want to write.

Well if you can only post on weekends that's fine. Real Life is more important and all. But As I said until you've posted more its hard to really do any accurate critiquing.

edited 24th May '13 12:28:21 PM by Azure

PM box is Closed, Indefinitely Friend Code: 3368-4181-6850
GlobsterAGoGo from Mobile Leprechaun's alt account Since: Jan, 2013 Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
#110637: May 24th 2013 at 12:27:06 PM

That certainly does not mean that you can't develop one. Heck, this was my first RP, too. It took me a while to get the ropes, but it came to me. It takes patience and a bit of forethought, but it happens eventually. I understand if you don't have a great deal of posting time, but in the future, please only try to seek feedback on events with more substance to them. Even with the limited amount of time you can be here, you should be able to crank out some things that last long enough to be worth commenting on.

Please take everything we said into account. We're saying this because we want to help you improve.

And yes, what Azure said. I know it's tricky when you have just that short window of time, but let things happen naturally.

and then they fricked in the booty
rockmanx Since: Jun, 2011
GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#110639: May 24th 2013 at 12:28:49 PM

I have nothing to add that I have not already said and has not already been said by Mobile and Jam.

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
SaintDeltora The Mistress from The Land Of Corruption and Debauchery Since: Aug, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world
The Mistress
#110640: May 24th 2013 at 12:36:22 PM

Like I said. I. Am. Sorry.

And thank you for all that you said to me... I will keep it in mind.

"Please crush me with your heels Esdeath-sama!
GlobsterAGoGo from Mobile Leprechaun's alt account Since: Jan, 2013 Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
#110641: May 24th 2013 at 12:39:59 PM

Okay. Please do. I have nothing further to say.

and then they fricked in the booty
eldritchseer all the loose ends from Cocytus Since: Mar, 2019
all the loose ends
#110642: May 24th 2013 at 12:42:45 PM

-Dum dee dum doo-

Coming b- OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT WALLS OF TEXT AAAAAAAAAAAH!

edited 24th May '13 12:42:53 PM by eldritchseer

Trip Since: Mar, 2012
Lilqueendaisy A chill feller from Not Earth Since: Jun, 2011 Relationship Status: In love with love
A chill feller
#110644: May 24th 2013 at 12:44:25 PM

Nice to see large walls of text...

LOVE IS STORED IN THE AXOLOTL!
fancywig ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ from heckie Since: Apr, 2013 Relationship Status: It was only a kiss
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
#110646: May 24th 2013 at 12:46:39 PM

rAAWR

also small fact

i actually have Old Shame regarding roleplaying as katz, because i was terrible at his character last year.

cries

and now they're haunting me baack

GO AHEAD .... MR. JOEHSTUR .......
Trip Since: Mar, 2012
#110647: May 24th 2013 at 12:48:44 PM

W

WA

WAL

WALL

WALLS

WALL

WAL

WA

W

fancywig ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ from heckie Since: Apr, 2013 Relationship Status: It was only a kiss
⋆ ⋆ ⋆
#110648: May 24th 2013 at 12:51:46 PM

i'm gunna delete those walls of texts

here i come

GO AHEAD .... MR. JOEHSTUR .......
RegularDefender MAYONNAISE from Blighty Since: Nov, 2012 Relationship Status: Singularity
MAYONNAISE
#110649: May 24th 2013 at 12:53:59 PM

What is.

I am back from eating Pasta.

1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this post
Lilqueendaisy A chill feller from Not Earth Since: Jun, 2011 Relationship Status: In love with love
A chill feller
#110650: May 24th 2013 at 12:54:19 PM

Hes cool Fancy, just make him the suave dog murdering baddy he is. And don't forget to make him smart and sociopathic.

edited 24th May '13 12:55:03 PM by Lilqueendaisy

LOVE IS STORED IN THE AXOLOTL!

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