I think that the "in the kitchen" here was designed as an answer to "Julie and Tallis are still around".
For the example of today's event or whatever it is.
But even if it is the case that you are left to "rot by yourself", which I don't think is true in most cases, I don't really see how that changes the point about "please don't make -comments about how you're being passed over-".
They're not an alternative.
They don't help.
On a purely personal level, they would make me less likely to interact with you.
Well, I don't think the first half of that sentence is true. People do try to start things with you.
Someone has to do what you think of as "forcing", otherwise there would be no interaction at all.
And there comes a point where that someone has to be you. Otherwise you're just passing the buck to someone else who has to worry about "what if ram is disinterested".
I didn't word that very well. What I mean is this.
It's fairly obvious that what I've been saying is rankling people. I mean, I'm oblivious to a lot of things, but that's a little hard to miss. I'm not going to try to defend myself there; I'm quite aware I'm in the wrong.
Going off of that, some people, like Pyro, have said that this makes them less likely to start things in the future. If I recall correctly, Norm alluded to that as well. I could be wrong here, but I've got a hunch that they're not the only people who feel that way. I'd imagine that most people do, but then again, I could be off-base there.
So some people are understandably and rightfully reluctant to want to do much with me, which I am cognizant of. And since I know that there's some of that going around, I don't feel as though I've got many options. By that, I mean, if someone is turned off to me like that, I've a feeling that this means they'll be wary of doing anything with me.
I mean, this is nothing new. Back about almost exactly a year ago I think, I said much the same thing. I don't feel as though it's particularly enjoyable for either party if I started interaction with someone who'd been turned off on me. And that's probably fairly obvious in some cases. Like, both people feel awkward, what they write is choppy and stiff, no one's having fun.
This is the situation I feel like I'm in. And from my perspective, it's a bit of a rock-and-a-hard place thing. People try to strike things up with me, I get ornery, I don't respond. And if I go to those same people and try to make it happen myself, I don't think it'd be very interesting/fun/enjoyable for either person.
Am I wrong? I'm asking that honestly. Because if I am (and as I am writing this I am growing more certain that I am) and someone tells me, then I can try to do something about it. Is it going to be perfect? Of course not. Will I stay normal and not flare out ever? Probably not. I can't promise anything like that. I don't know how events will play out in the future, but if I have some sort of an idea that I'm going about something incorrectly, I can at least do something about it.
I think you've misunderstood me.
I don't have any bias in terms of "I don't want to do stuff with you". I never said it turned me off interacting with you in future. What I did say was that it turns me off in present.
What does happen is that if I see you making -comments-, that immediately rings alarm bells for me. You're likely to be in a bad mood and not enjoying it anyway, why should I interact with you if you're not making the effort to interact with others, and so forth. It's not dislike or anything, just an idea of "this will be more trouble than it's worth".
Despite that, I still try to interact with you at those times, if I am already in the FG. Sometimes you ignore those attempts regardless, because again, when you're making those comments you tend to be in a bad mood.
So yeah, please don't get this idea that people don't want to interact with you. If we didn't want to interact with you we wouldn't be trying so hard.
I mean, fuck, did you think I was forcing myself to interact with Julie every time I had Kihwa walk up to her? For one example.
If someone is making an effort, go for it. And sometimes, people won't make efforts, because no-one can make those efforts 100% of the time. At those times, it falls to you to get involved.
edited 6th Nov '15 6:34:37 PM by ThanatoSeraph
I'm gonna tell you right now that your propensity for snapping at people for not interacting with you the right way is one thing that you are definitely doing wrong. I'm actively trying to work shit out with you and you still make me nervous to even approach starting something, so god forbid what everyone else thinks.
ninjas. that
edited 6th Nov '15 6:32:39 PM by WonderSquid
I specifically said I knew I was wrong, so I'm not sure I need to be told that again. I got it. I know I fucked that one up. Unless you want to be punitive about it, it doesn't need to be said again.
I think we've started to get to the point where we're largely talking past each other. You (in a general sense, not anyone in particular) say, "okay, people won't always put forth an effort. It falls to you." And I hear that loud and clear. It's not as if I've just ignored it.
The thing is, whenever something blows up like it did today, I don't really feel as though me being forward will help. Everyone sees how pissed I get, then they won't want to do much.
What am I supposed to do then? From my view, no one's going to want to deal with that, so they'll stay away. Then I get nothing, get pissier, and then it all repeats the next day.
This is the stumbling block I have brought up in the past that I don't know what to do about.
I didn't think I was restating anything, beyond further clarifying what I meant by the statement about "it makes me less likely to interact". If it felt punitive, I apologise.
I do think the solution is simpler than it seems. Just try not to make the -comments- if possible, and if you feel like doing them, either:
1) Try approaching someone who seems to have less people taking up their interaction space. Have Julie or Tallis rock up and say "hi", or "what are you doing", instead of just stating that they exist. I guarantee you that people won't mind that, and that way, there's far more of a chance of interaction.
2) Do something to help you calm down so you're in a better frame of mind. I dunno, listen to some music, play some Binding of Isaac, watch a funny youtube video.
3) If you're really just not in the mood, don't force yourself to be. Feel free to chill in the discussion thread or do something else.
They're just suggestions, noting solid, but yeah.
The thing about restating it was to Spaz. I didn't properly denote that, which is my bad. And on that subject, I do have to say that I am a bit displeased with the general tone of your posts. Old hat, I know. But the thing is, I'm discussing this publicly and opening myself up to whatever criticism may fall my way. And yeah, I deserve it, but I don't have to talk about this here. If I wanted to, I'd discuss it privately. But I haven't done that. I chose to respond here instead of in a PM because I want to demonstrate that I'm trying my best to act in good faith. I've opened myself up for public castigation, potentially, which is, well, incredibly unpleasant. I know it's not easy to deal with, but, seriously, you don't need to get increasingly terse. It feels like you're bludgeoning me, almost. It does not strike me as particularly constructive. I've done my best to pay it no mind, but it does add up eventually.
That being said, and I apologize for not saying this earlier, but I have to thank you for putting up with all of this. I know it happens periodically and it sucks for everyone, and you don't have to say anything at all, but you still do. That means something to me, even if I cannot really adequately say it.
It might not count for much, and it might be too brief, but I'll keep what you said in mind. That's about the most I can reasonably do. I can't promise to follow it to the letter, but I can damn well try.
It is 4 am in Britland.
I have lost the will to continue this Critical Review that I was going to do today/yesterday.
Do I grab 3 and a half hours of sleep to try and steal the morning before I go to AGS in the afternon, so that I do my other assignment after AGS-
Or try to power through and finish this now, so I can sleep a little bit more.
The problems of uni life and being disorganized as hell and prone to procrastination.
1.5 imperial gallons of tea were consumed during the writing of this post

I'd rather not sit idly by and just rot by myself.
Because that's the alternative.