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Boxen whatever he can Since: Jan, 2013
whatever he can
#297551: Aug 1st 2014 at 1:59:10 PM

yes it does

if you have

imaginaaaaation

dead devotion
Prometheus136 What's eatin' you, chief? from Yoknapatawpha County Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: It's so nice to be turned on again
What's eatin' you, chief?
#297552: Aug 1st 2014 at 1:59:37 PM

compelling gameplay

you sure we played the same game

War is God.
gameboy3 The Faker from Michigan Since: Dec, 2011
The Faker
#297553: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:00:20 PM

I'll play if there's no idle timer.

And it's so easy when you're evil... This is the life for me, the Devil tips his hat to me...
Trip Since: Mar, 2012
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#297555: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:01:18 PM

the joke is

wow does not have a thrilling story or compelling gameplay

that's the joke i was making

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
Boxen whatever he can Since: Jan, 2013
Prometheus136 What's eatin' you, chief? from Yoknapatawpha County Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: It's so nice to be turned on again
What's eatin' you, chief?
#297557: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:02:09 PM

wow that's a good joke

War is God.
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#297558: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:07:50 PM

don't you mean

WoW that was a good joke

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
Boxen whatever he can Since: Jan, 2013
whatever he can
#297559: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:08:01 PM

n

dead devotion
GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#297561: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:11:23 PM

Maybe this?

It's less old than the other thing, but still pretty old. And filled with a lot of ambiguous context stuff.

Pah. I just don't want to have to type the whole draft all over again.

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
Azure Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist from The World Since: Nov, 2012 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist
#297562: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:16:49 PM

For those of you not familiar The Third Birthday is the third game in the Parasite Eve series.

Parasite Eve is a surprisingly good survival horror/shooter/rpg. It has its quirks but over all its got a pretty loyal fanbase, with a lot of really memorable characters, like the protagonist Aya Brea. She's basically female Dante, though not quite as over the top.

Incase you absolutely feel the need to experience this first hand just a warning there's spoilers below.

So 3rd Birthday comes around and all the Parasite Eve are psyched about getting to play their favortie heroine again in like 10 years, yay! Except something is wrong. She's gone from a bad ass, to a wimpy uncertain generic amnesiac. To be fair though she gets better by the end of the game. But what the hell happened to her? She was a complete badass in the last game. Not to mention she's sexualized to no end. Really, play the game 9 times and you get a special shot of Aya's ass while she's in the shower.

On top of that every bit of dialouge is amazingly cheesy and the ones that are supposed to be really emotional are drawn out so far that the VA's can't keep it up. Add that to all the obviously fake military jargon and we have a formula for making you hate everything these people do.

And its mostly just emotional shit. They do nothing to make you care about the characters before hand. One guy, Theodius Cray, who's apparently super important is introduced made to be saved by the player, reveals he's a bad guy and dies in the span of two levels. And another betrays the entire FBI and gets no repercussions until a little bit later when they happen to be attacked by monsters and he gets killed.

Then there's the fact that no one trusts Aya to actually do anything. Aya, the hero who saved the world TWICE in a row. Speaking of, the previous two games only get passing refrences.

And then comes the TWEEST. You are not playing as Aya. You're playing as a younger clone of her named Eve. As it turns out the monsters you've been fighting for the whole game are parts of Aya's soul. After teasing you by having the real Aya show up at the end they make you kill her, because...um.... Just because ITS EMOTIONAL AGAWUOVWVBWR ARE YOU CRYING YET!? I am, but not because I give a shit about what's happening anymore.

PM box is Closed, Indefinitely Friend Code: 3368-4181-6850
Prometheus136 What's eatin' you, chief? from Yoknapatawpha County Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: It's so nice to be turned on again
What's eatin' you, chief?
#297563: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:17:10 PM

tl;dr

War is God.
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#297564: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:19:17 PM

so you're playing as

parasite eve

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
Boxen whatever he can Since: Jan, 2013
whatever he can
#297565: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:20:03 PM

TRIP

dead devotion
GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#297566: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:20:09 PM

We have another one for the Third One list!

-Confetti-

(Also would like feedback pretty please, I have to go any minute.)

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#297568: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:23:16 PM

Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuys.

I don't want to have to type everything all over again and the spot might be taken by the time I get back.

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#297569: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:23:49 PM

@spaz: that looks good, i think? when do you have to have the application in by

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#297570: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:24:33 PM

Before I leave in ten minutes and have to delete it.

Or before someone else gets one in, and this is the internet so that could be any time now.

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
Boxen whatever he can Since: Jan, 2013
whatever he can
#297571: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:24:35 PM

[up][up][up][up] grrrrrrrrr

edited 1st Aug '14 2:24:41 PM by Boxen

dead devotion
GameSpazzer The Beta Male from Against! The! Wall! Since: Jun, 2010
The Beta Male
#297572: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:27:23 PM

Oh wait, I can type an original sample. Bah, but now there's no time, and I wouldn't even know what to write.

MY SOUL IS DARK BUT MY HAIR IS COLORFUL — Brahian Pokémon Alchemist
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#297573: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:29:42 PM

can you save it as a draft, or something?

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
Azure Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist from The World Since: Nov, 2012 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist
#297574: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:30:02 PM

The story is fucking terrible but I could forgive it if it wasn't supposed to be story heavy.

This game is actually some of the most fun I've had with a shooter in a long time. It combines a bunch of simple but unique mechanics to give you a gameplay experience with a huge amount of depth.

But then the story comes along and says its time to stop having fun and listen to this guy say stupid shit.

Oh an I forgot that while Eve looks 25 she's actually in Aya's body and her real one is maybe 13 at best. Later in the game another famous character comes along, Dr. Maeda. But he's been retconned and now his only purpose is to perv on her in the creepiest fashion possible, the main villain constantly uses a bunch of rape symbolism, and the guy who you thought was gonna be the main villian decides to remind her of all the GREAT SEX he and Aya used to have while caressing her.

I just...I don't know.

PM box is Closed, Indefinitely Friend Code: 3368-4181-6850
Prometheus136 What's eatin' you, chief? from Yoknapatawpha County Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: It's so nice to be turned on again
What's eatin' you, chief?
#297575: Aug 1st 2014 at 2:30:05 PM

THERE IS NO TIME

YOUR POST IS ENOUGH

War is God.

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