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MicoolTNT Shadow of Legends from 'straya, m8 Since: Apr, 2012 Relationship Status: Too sexy for my shirt
Shadow of Legends
#276701: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:48:59 PM

While we're on the character criticisms, how am I doing with Natsu?

I liked that little bit of character development I did a couple nights ago (after the argument with Julie) from "I wanna fight/go home" to "I'm gonna bring the spirit of Fairy Tail with me here".

edited 18th Jun '14 10:49:57 PM by MicoolTNT

"We can handle what is true, for we are already living it."
thespacephantom Jamais vu from the smallest church in Saint-Saëns Since: Oct, 2009
Jamais vu
#276702: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:50:16 PM

i like that, it seemed an in-character development

UN JOUR JE SERAI DE RETOUR PRÈS DE TOI
Azure Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist from The World Since: Nov, 2012 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist
#276703: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:51:09 PM

Natsu's not bad. You're doing better than most first timers.

PM box is Closed, Indefinitely Friend Code: 3368-4181-6850
MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276704: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:51:15 PM

What Space said. Character development is pretty fun, no?

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
LatverianBadger Calamity is a housewife from gacha hell Since: Jan, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
Calamity is a housewife
#276705: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:54:50 PM

Prelude's done. Behold what you boys and gals are in for.

Also, critique on my prose plez?

edited 18th Jun '14 10:55:09 PM by LatverianBadger

"Shake the dust." - Anis Mojgani
MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276706: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:55:29 PM

Hoo dawgies.

helo yes can i tuch ur eye thanks

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
MicoolTNT Shadow of Legends from 'straya, m8 Since: Apr, 2012 Relationship Status: Too sexy for my shirt
Shadow of Legends
#276707: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:56:51 PM

I just like how now he's got an actual motivation for being there, instead of being a Hot-Blooded Flat Character until the Fight Scene.

"We can handle what is true, for we are already living it."
Lilqueendaisy A chill feller from Not Earth Since: Jun, 2011 Relationship Status: In love with love
A chill feller
#276708: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:57:38 PM

I wish my cat would do that.

LOVE IS STORED IN THE AXOLOTL!
MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276709: Jun 18th 2014 at 10:57:53 PM

Hup, just finished, Badge. Lookin' good, I think. Interesting that a rock star and a Mengele-type would work together.

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
LatverianBadger Calamity is a housewife from gacha hell Since: Jan, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
Calamity is a housewife
#276710: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:00:32 PM

Ma'am, there'll be quite a few faces showing up that'll be familiar to Guilty Gear fans.

Plus a few original faces because I'm like that.

"Shake the dust." - Anis Mojgani
josh6243 Betty "Blast Hornet" Blanctorche Doppler from Digital Realm Since: Apr, 2009 Relationship Status: Anime is my true love
Betty "Blast Hornet" Blanctorche Doppler
#276711: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:20:21 PM

@Badger: Thanks for the feedback. Would these character traits work?

  • She doesn't like break a promise, even if it is small.
  • She secretly hates wearing her outfit, but she only wears it because it was passed down by her mother.
  • She can be immature for her age, if given the chance.

MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276712: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:21:23 PM

Yeah, dude, those sound great.

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
LatverianBadger Calamity is a housewife from gacha hell Since: Jan, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
Calamity is a housewife
#276713: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:22:18 PM

Those traits seem consistent and reasonable. They'll do.

Also, any other opinions on my prose? Sorry, I'm just very curious.

"Shake the dust." - Anis Mojgani
Imca (Veteran)
#276714: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:25:56 PM

I think you did great. :)

I cant really comment much though because I dont really have the english skills to do so....

MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276715: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:32:40 PM

THERESA'S NOT A RACIST SHE SWEARS TO GOD SOME OF HER FRIENDS ARE ANIMAL PEOPLE

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
Azure Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist from The World Since: Nov, 2012 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Fist
#276716: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:41:44 PM

I don't have any complaints. It was good.

One nit-pick though.

The guys in tanks would probably be in amniotic fluid rather than just water.

PM box is Closed, Indefinitely Friend Code: 3368-4181-6850
LatverianBadger Calamity is a housewife from gacha hell Since: Jan, 2012 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
Calamity is a housewife
#276717: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:52:52 PM

Hacha cha.

Thanks for that little tidbit. Good to know.

"Shake the dust." - Anis Mojgani
SR3NORMANDY Problem Child from N/A - In constant flux Since: Jul, 2012
Problem Child
#276718: Jun 18th 2014 at 11:59:08 PM

I just thought they suspended people in water because they got sick of cleaning out patient beds.

What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?
MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276719: Jun 19th 2014 at 12:26:47 AM

Aaaa dongs, I am nighthungry, but if I eat something, it'll mess with me.

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
SR3NORMANDY Problem Child from N/A - In constant flux Since: Jul, 2012
MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276721: Jun 19th 2014 at 12:39:28 AM

I made this Italian dish with sausage and olives and artichokes, and I'd like some of that, but I'm afraid of giving myself heartburn.

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
SR3NORMANDY Problem Child from N/A - In constant flux Since: Jul, 2012
MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276723: Jun 19th 2014 at 12:44:38 AM

Aw, naw man. How so?

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019
SR3NORMANDY Problem Child from N/A - In constant flux Since: Jul, 2012
Problem Child
#276724: Jun 19th 2014 at 12:55:25 AM

Everything we do has a disconnect from the idea to the execution, that's all it really is.

What if there’s no better word than just not saying anything?
MobileLeprechaun (: from Grayrock, TX Since: Aug, 2009 Relationship Status: Yes, I'm alone, but I'm alone and free
(:
#276725: Jun 19th 2014 at 12:56:14 AM

Ah, too true. Some parts of Hawthorne make me feel weird. I'unno.

THEY GON' SHAG

make it through this year if it kills you yet | 2001-2019

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