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This could have only been done by some sort of tactical genius!
How do you stop a Polish army on horseback? You got close enough to see them? Then consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far (which, given your current circumstances, seems more likely), consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.
Forget the towel!
A duck walks into a bar.
Animal control services are contacted and the fowl creature is released at a nearby pond in a park.
edited 25th Oct '11 1:13:28 PM by SeanMurrayI
There was a man called Poo.
He then legally changed his name to John.
Slowpoke says: Hey guys, winter is coming!
Courage wolf says not to run away!
A black guy, a Hispanic guy, and an Irish guy walk into a bar.
They become friends.
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse explains that he just lost his race, and that's depressing.
Oh hi Jim, come on in.
Just one, they're not stupid.
If I went around sayin' I was emperor just 'cause some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, people would assume I was a rational, wise person.
edited 26th Oct '11 10:36:08 AM by GameSpazzer
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don't know, honestly. I can't presume to know the reason behind this particualr chicken's sudden excursion, but if I had to venture a guess, I'd say it's because it was looking for food.
A man dies, and instead of going up to heaven and having an amusing conversation with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he just rots in the ground.
edited 26th Oct '11 11:17:38 AM by SeanMurrayI
A priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist walk into a bar.
They walk out with a much deeper understanding of each other's cultures and creeds.
Would you mind sharing your bases with me ?
Are you in good spirits, my acquaintance with whom I share an almost fraternal bond?
A white guy is eating a box of crackers. A black guy comes over and says, "Hey, Bill, can I have one?"
A blonde finds that she's locked her keys in her car after a long shopping trip.
"No problem," says the blonde, "The top is down, so I can just hop right in."
And lots of fucks were given that day.
Three prostitutes were sitting in a bar, talking about their plans for the future.
The first one wanted to save up enough money to pay for colledge.
The second one wanted to buy a better house for her daughter, and perhaps pay for rehab to get over her drug addiction.
The third one began crying and said that she simply wanted to escape her pimp.
edited 26th Oct '11 1:10:20 PM by GameSpazzer
A tech support specialist gets a call from a customer. The customer is confused about a problem that they are having with their machine. The tech support specialist is helpful and informative and the customer appreciates the help that he gets. They have an amicable conversation and everything goes smoothly for both parties.
edited 26th Oct '11 1:23:30 PM by KarlKadaver
What did one Irishman say to the other?
"I am sober."
There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a perfectly affable person.
All your bases have been captured by our forces. Enjoy what little time you have left, hahahahaha.....
Mama! I just killed a man! It was an unforeseeable accident, because he was hit by a bus!
Yo dawg, we heard you like cars, so we bought you a new one.
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