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Trope Description Improvement Drive

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What it says in the title. EDIT: Link to auxiliary sandbox page

Some trope descriptions suffer from problems. Some possible ones:

  1. Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!. A paragraph starts explaining element X of the trope, then it wanders off to explain element Y. Two paragraphs after that we're back at element X again. Nary a conjunction is in sight.
  2. Too long. Stuff that should go in analysis, or maybe in another trope, or maybe nowhere, going in the main space. Too much scrolling required before you can get to the examples.
  3. Fan Myopia. Some "this is how it happens in WRESTLING!" dissertation is taking up half of the page on a trope about white t-shirts. We already have a thread on that one - discussion about the general phenomenon goes there, specific candidates to deal with go here.
  4. General lack of balance and order. Something is emphasized at the expense of the other aspects of the trope, even though it has no right to be. Consequences of the trope come first, then related tropes, then a mention of the Trope Codifier, then common scenarios where it comes into play...
  5. Failure to answer the fundamental question up front: What is this trope? Not what it "might" be or what can "possibly" happen - what is it?
  6. Not enough meat. Juicy stuff is missing, like: When is the trope likely to turn up? Why would an author use it? In what ways does the audience often react? Which tropes are related to it and how?
  7. Spelling and grammar issues.
  8. The first line which makes honest-to-god sense is below the fold. e.g. Example as a Thesis that makes you go "huh?" instead of "ooooh".
  9. Bad Writing. Purple Prose, pitching the trope, Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma.
  10. Egregiously Fan-Myopic quote.
  11. Jaywalking.

Bring up trope pages here so we can work on them. If no one does in a while, I'll try to dig something up.

edited 22nd Sep '11 10:48:59 AM by TripleElation

suedenim Teutonic Tomboy T-Girl from Jet Dream HQ Since: Oct, 2009
Teutonic Tomboy T-Girl
#76: Oct 2nd 2011 at 6:15:01 PM

[up]I for one would encourage you to do that. It's the sort of description we have way too much of. Takes forever to get to the point, has one of those "So you've got a Planet of Hats and..." setups that are almost never clear, concise, OR witty, etc.

Jet-a-Reeno!
captainpat Since: Sep, 2010
#77: Oct 3rd 2011 at 6:13:44 AM

[up] When there's space in the trs, I'll make a thread about it. This is one of those cases where the description is unsalvageable.

Raso Cure Candy Since: Jul, 2009
Cure Candy
#78: Oct 3rd 2011 at 7:59:17 AM

Just post a draft here. You will be waiting months for a TRS thread and well that is what this thread is for anyway.

Sparkling and glittering! Jan-Ken-Pon!
AmyJade Since: Jan, 2001
#79: Oct 3rd 2011 at 5:40:36 PM

I rewrote the description of Tag-Along Actor when I realized it duplicated my YKTTW, but haven't gotten much of a response there. Then I realized this thread existed, so I thought it would be good to bring it up here. The expanded description is at Sandbox.Tag Along Actor.

edited 3rd Oct '11 5:41:27 PM by AmyJade

Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
Raso Cure Candy Since: Jul, 2009
Cure Candy
#81: Oct 4th 2011 at 11:55:06 PM

Leaning on the Fourth Wall.... the trope is written as an example and I really cant tell heads or tails of it.

I cant even tell if this is an example or not.... (or this)

edited 5th Oct '11 12:28:52 AM by Raso

Sparkling and glittering! Jan-Ken-Pon!
troacctid (4 Score & 7 Years Ago)
#82: Oct 5th 2011 at 12:14:12 AM

[up] It is both Painting the Fourth Wall*

and Breaking the Fourth Wall, but not Leaning on the Fourth Wall. Leaning on the Fourth Wall is like a fake-out—it sounds like it should shatter the fourth wall, but it actually makes sense in the in-universe context. The scene gets a double meaning for the audience as if they had broken the fourth wall, but the fourth wall remains intact. Fourth Wall Psych is closely related.

Speaking of which, Speech Bubbles is a complete mess.

edited 5th Oct '11 12:14:22 AM by troacctid

Raso Cure Candy Since: Jul, 2009
Cure Candy
#83: Oct 5th 2011 at 12:29:33 AM

Oh... seriously both of those need to be thrown out and started from scratch.

Sparkling and glittering! Jan-Ken-Pon!
captainpat Since: Sep, 2010
#84: Oct 5th 2011 at 11:51:54 AM

Freud Was Right

Another case where a trope description does everything but describe the trope (If it even is a trope)

AmyJade Since: Jan, 2001
#85: Oct 5th 2011 at 7:15:59 PM

Since I've not gotten any negative comments re: Tag-Along Actor, I've gone ahead and transplanted the sandboxed version to the main trope page.

Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
I see the Awesomeness.
#86: Oct 5th 2011 at 10:39:43 PM

Took a crack at Freud Was Right. Deleted the long meandering paragraph, bolded the "everything is about sex" line and deleted most of the Freud tangent.

Sandboxed Speech Bubbles, mostly by copying over the useful bits from the primary entry. Suggest copying the other one over to SelfDemonstrating.Speech Bubbles or simply deleting it. Approval?

edited 5th Oct '11 10:45:02 PM by Deboss

Fight smart, not fair.
AmyJade Since: Jan, 2001
#87: Oct 5th 2011 at 11:57:07 PM

^ That looks good. Suggest that the Self-Demonstrating version should be altered somehow to look more like speech bubbles rather than just text in different colors, if it's going to be kept.

Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
I see the Awesomeness.
#88: Oct 6th 2011 at 12:01:30 AM

Hm, I can start doing it right now.

Fight smart, not fair.
Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
I see the Awesomeness.
#89: Oct 6th 2011 at 12:08:45 AM

Check SelfDemonstrating.Speech Bubbles. I think it would work better as an image, but I'm stuck with what I got.

Fight smart, not fair.
captainpat Since: Sep, 2010
#90: Oct 6th 2011 at 10:07:24 AM

Freud Was Right reads better but there's still no clear definition and unless there's was a change in it's definition after it's launch in the ykttw it's still a subtrope of Everyone Is Jesus in Purgatory, which is YMMV.

Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
I see the Awesomeness.
#91: Oct 6th 2011 at 9:40:45 PM

I'm not sure what it really is. It could just be a YMMV, but I thought it was something similar to Lampshaded Double Entendre.

Fight smart, not fair.
captainpat Since: Sep, 2010
#92: Oct 9th 2011 at 10:21:18 AM

Beauty Equals Goodness

simple concept, unnecessarily long description. Seriously WTF happened to that description?

edited 9th Oct '11 1:20:55 PM by captainpat

Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
I see the Awesomeness.
#93: Oct 9th 2011 at 5:07:31 PM

I took a chainsaw in the Sandbox.Beauty Equals Goodness. It's not letting me save on the main page, so I just told a mod.

Fight smart, not fair.
Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
I see the Awesomeness.
#94: Oct 10th 2011 at 9:07:10 PM

Beauty Equals Goodness successfully chainsawed.

Losing the Team Spirit needs some help, I'll take a glance once I'm done here.

Fight smart, not fair.
Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
BooleanEarth And a happy new year. from Banned Land Since: Jul, 2011
And a happy new year.
#96: Oct 11th 2011 at 12:22:59 AM

I took a look at Sadist Teacher. Could maybe still use a few tweaks, but I fixed it up a bit and cut down the length.

"In the land of the insecure, the one-balled man is king." - Haven
Deboss I see the Awesomeness. from Awesomeville Texas Since: Aug, 2009
I see the Awesomeness.
#97: Oct 11th 2011 at 6:03:45 AM

Definite improvement.

Fight smart, not fair.
Discar Since: Jun, 2009
#98: Oct 12th 2011 at 8:37:39 PM

I think Ascend to a Higher Plane of Existence needs to be rewritten to take out the Put on a Bus implications, since that's how most people are using it—to talk about people ascending, whether it means they leave the story or not. That might be outside this thread's jurisdiction, though. Should I open a TRS?

Writing a post-post apocalypse LitRPG on RR. Also fanfic stuff.
BooleanEarth And a happy new year. from Banned Land Since: Jul, 2011
And a happy new year.
#99: Oct 12th 2011 at 11:01:44 PM

Well, the trope has nothing to do with being Put on a Bus and is as you say, but the two can sometimes be used in conjunction. I don't think it merits a whole thread of its own. I'd just make the edits if I were you.

edited 12th Oct '11 11:01:56 PM by BooleanEarth

"In the land of the insecure, the one-balled man is king." - Haven
FastEddie Since: Apr, 2004
#100: Oct 13th 2011 at 3:46:50 AM

I made those edits.

Goal: Clear, Concise and Witty

Total posts: 6,234
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