S'up.
I heard IANCE died, went to hell and got kicked out for being too evil to be there.
Shocking story, but I know it's true. I was there.
And yes. The academy thing was NEVER thought through. Kishimoto didn't plan the series. At all.
Even when it was introduced..
Why aren't the boys getting trained in etiquette as well? Why are there no seduction classes? Why would they be averse to killing if it's something they've been raised to think is perfectly okay?
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimari
What IANCE said, keeping up with my asunder critique thanks to Itachi picking the idiot ball hard Jiraiya is dead because he thought it was more important to finish Naruto's Sage training, which i dunno Fukusaku's wife should be competent to supervise Naruto's training, so Jiraiya could've gone and taken Fukusaku with him.
Going onto the past of Asunder Sarutobi and Kushina got hold of the idiot ball and refused to let it go, Danzo, Koharu and the other convinced Sarutobi that it was a perfectly good idea to send Kushina away for 30 years and so Sarutobi pulled the Hokage card to force her to abandon her own son.
beat
Sarutobi in Asunder is an asshole.
edited 31st Mar '14 7:07:50 AM by Duncan0Idaho
@Ironypus Naruto is still a jinchuriki, as i said Sarutobi was an asshole because he along Danzo, Koharu and the other one convinced her to leave on a life long mission to rebuild Uzu, the minimal time was 30 years, she oposed but Sarutobi played 'I am the Hokage, you are a ninja of my village STFU'
I guess you can sort of spin it as less of a screw up, not too much though, if you changed the timeline a bit so that she leaves while Minato's still alive to look after Naruto so she can go rebuild Whirlpool and reclaim all it's super powerful sealing methods, which would be a massive boon to Konoha. Of course, I'm not sure why you'd keep her at it when Naruto gets turned into a host and has no one to really look after him, unless the payoff of a rebuilt Whirlpool exceeds the damage Naruto potentially may do or alleviates more net suffering than Naruto experiences; as a purely utilitarian choice.
Since I'm sure Whirlpool is contributing exactly zilch to anyone in the story, Hiruzen's a moron for not pulling out and shifting resources to shore up his home front.
@Ironypus no, the author Naruto Asunder had her leave before even Minato's corpse had time to cool off.
Uzushio was turned onto an advance post, no mention sealing techniques what so ever, Kushina wanted to take Naruto whirpool but Danzo, Koharu, the other, Sarutobi and the Fire Daimyo opposed because it was a 'dumb' idea.
So a mother wanting to take care of her child away from a place that hates him is a dumb idea.
I am reading the sequel and i am facepalming already, given that Naruto dies in his battle against Madara the author crossed it with bleach, but not only bleach, Naruto's Zanpaktou is Kyo, yes THAT Kyo, Hinata is Allen Walker from D. Gray man and seems the good ol' Earl has done an alliance with Aizen.
edited 31st Mar '14 8:05:44 AM by Duncan0Idaho
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Not to mention that nobody has to know that Naruto is the host, let alone that he's in Uzushio with his mother. And living with someone who loves him makes it MUCH less likely that he'll get pissed off to the point he throws a suicidal temper tantrum.
edited 31st Mar '14 10:32:16 AM by IAmNotCreativeEnough
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimariThe author gave me a reply, not a rant, here i quote for your benefit:
Still, a good question. I'm playing it back and forth in my head now.
Since I'm writing you anyway. Read your last review. First off, I want to thank you for it. Even if you are getting frustrated with the story, I appreciate you taking the time to write your thoughts down and fairly respectfully as well.
I would like to clear up a few points.
The Sakura issue: she didn't actually lift the seal. She used a loophole that altered Sasuke's personality to meet the seal's requirements. It would have worked had Orochimaru not been thrown into the mix. As for her lack of knowledge, despite her actions, she is an extremely intelligent individual and had likely been taught by Tsunade on a basic level. It helped that her seal was not that complex.
I received a lot of flak for the Hinata abduction thing, and really Danzo's near omnipresence. I tried through the course of the story to explain how these things happened and make them a little more believable. However, what I ultimately should have done was spend more time discussing Konoha's lax internal security that is often so apparent in the canon. I do address this in the sequel, but that does little good for those frustrated by Asunder. To summarize my reasoning, the abduction was possible because of Root's exceptional training, Danzo being the one that developed most of the security protocols (which were never revamped after his exile), and the fact that everyone feels completely safe behind the village walls (almost naively so). Again, I address, or will be addressing, these issues in Rend.
I'm not sure what you meant by the Itachi thing. He did betray the Akatsuki. Could you be more specific?
As for idiot balls nearing canon, I will accept that. This was the largest story I had done up to that point and there are sections that I personally felt were properly explained, but ended up not being so. It was a learning experience and one I am grateful for. I am still proud of the story as a whole, but I admit there are rough edges that would have been smoothed out with greater experience.
Thank you again for your questions and thoughts. If you have anything else to discuss, please feel free to let me know.
I was quite surprised that he gave me a reply, i did make clear what i meant with Itachi.
There is as scene where Itachi tells Danzou he sent all the dirt he gathered on him to the Hokage and the Fire Daimyo, basically forcing Danzo to flee, the problem is that Itachi let Danzo go, the dialogue makes that a point.
So i told the author that Itachi had a few choices, Tsukuyomi or whatever is spelled, Amateratsu or Izanami, he could've taken Danzo right there and still have enough energy to kill Kisame (as good as samehada is at absorbing chakra i doubt the thing could tolerate the flames of Amateratsu for long) in order to give Naruto some air so he can take out Kakuzu leaving Hidan and Jiraiya was on the Area so sensing several tails worth would've dragged him towards the battle.
A few less idiot balls do not lead to Naruto having Kurama extracted, then they entering the Shinigami's stomach (that is now a hollow) then Naruto and Ying Half making a deal and Naruto once again becomes a Jinchuriki and Minato is revived because his sealed technically put his body on stasis thanks to his seal being linked to Naruto's seal.
One of the things i love of And then suddendly Ninjas! is how Sarutobi deals with the situation, he murders both ninjas that knew that Naruto was the Jinchuriki, then he helps the Uchiha by lessening some of the Nidaime restrictions and then betrhoes Naruto to Hinata given that he tells Hiashi that Naruto is the son of Minato so that shut ups the Hyuga clan.
As a result no one knows that Naruto is a Jinchuriki, Jiraiya wipes himself to shape and is making ROOT run in circles to try to give fresh info.
Back to my idea i've decided to make it a full blown set of small changes for a larger and different result.
First Naruto would be living with Sarutobi.
Second no Massacre.
Third Kakashi as a better teacher.
Now as to why the Massacre did not happen, Sarutobi created the cover that it was an uchiha who was born out of the clan of some no name defectors before the clan had joined to Konoha and the man is dead (could use some work, i am not really satisfied with this, but it is the best i have for now)
Naruto as Sarutobi's ward will mean that Sarutobi will not fall against Orochimaru, why? the man has been training a decade to keep up with Naruto who is a wrecking ball of pure energy, the constant workout of having to make sure Naruto was safe and not running around like crazy has increaded by 10 times the already large reserves of Sarutobi and has the man on tip top physical shape.
As always keep pointing weak links or the such and i'll try to rework that.
edited 31st Mar '14 5:34:36 PM by Duncan0Idaho
And Then Suddenly, Ninjas! only works because it's crack. Most of what it does wouldn't fly in a serious story.
That, and it runs on the faulty premise of the Uchiha not being the pathological traitors that Tobirama knows they are. They are.
himitsu keisatsu seifu chokuzoku kokka hoanbu na no da himitsu keisatsu yami ni magireru supai katsudou torishimaritbh i sense a new retcon coming soon, the sage started talking about his sons so chances are we are getting a new explanation regarding the sharingan.
I am also making a point to ignore the silly thing of 'evil brain chakra'
also why is the thing that some lamps use appearing on tvtropes? when i have 90% of the scripts blocked to avoid such things from popping up?
So i seek on ff.net Naruto x Yakumo only 21 results in english: https://www.fanfiction.net/anime/Naruto/?&srt=1&lan=1&r=10&c1=2039&c2=15358
anything there that might be worth reading? rise of the uchiha-senju naruto sounds too far fetched even for me, Loyal has the smell of ROOT!Naruto but with the added of 'darker naruto' all points out to massive deaths, the others are either Naruto bonding with the carnage symbiote or a probably badly written harem story (the only worthy of any one's time regarding harems is here in my arms as platinumsabr manages to have everybody more or less in character)
New chapter of Wait, Did That Happen Before?
“Tenten here,” came Tenten's voice after a couple seconds.
“TENTEN!” Sakura wailed into her communicator. “Negi's an evil space witch and Ino's about to fight Zabuza and I think I just got Kiba's communicator confiscated by Iruka!”
“Whoa!” responded Tenten. “Neji's an evil space witch!? Alright, you go back up Ino, I'll handle this Neji issue.”
“Right,” said Sakura, lowering her communicator, only to immediately raise it to her face again. “No, wait! Negi's an evil space witch. Negi. I said Negi. Not Neji. Tenten?” Sakura's fellow Power Ranger didn't reply. Sakura pressed another button on her communicator.
“ZORDON!” wailed Sakura.
“I read you, Sakura,” said Zordon.
At least Zordon's still here, thought Sakura. If nothing else, I can always count on him to be calm and level headed in a crisis.
“Don't worry, Sakura," said Zordon. "Tenten has already filled me in the situation. I've already sent Yahiko to back her up. You go back up Ino until the other rangers can join you.”
Sakura stared at her communicator, then lowered it to her side. Well shit. Hopefully, Tenten and Yahiko won't kill Neji before me and Ino sort out this situation with Zabuza. With a flourish, Sakura whipped out her morpher. “It's morphin time!”
“BRO!” yelled Chamo as he reached where Negi and Naruto were training. Ryouga was nowhere in sight, Naruto was tied to a rock suspended by a rope while another Naruto slowly dragged him backwards, and Negi was focusing intensely on a bandanna that he was holding.
“Shhh,” said Negi. “I need the utmost quiet if I'm going to concentrate.”
“AAAUUUGH!” wailed the Naruto tied to the rock as the other Naruto released it, causing it to fly into another rock. With a loud crack and a poof of smoke, the other Naruto vanished as Naruto laughed maniacally.
“Yeah, how do you like it?!” asked the other Naruto, before making a hand sign and popping another shadow clone into existence.
Negi looked back at Chamo. “Actually, go ahead. I doubt I'm going to make any progress here anyway.”
“Don't worry about that, bro. It's probably just that that technique requires chakra, not magic.”
“Chamo!” warned Negi, taking a quick glance at Naruto, who seemed to be ignoring them for the sake of his irrational revenge against his clones.
“Don't worry about him. He isn't paying any attention,” said Chamo. “Anyways, bro, I got you the perfect pactio partner.”
Negi blushed. “Chamo, you know as well as I do that it's way too early for me to even think about-”
“It's a Power Ranger, and she's- are you putting on lipstick?”
Returning the tube of lipstick to his pants pocket, Negi gave Chamo a slightly unhinged grin. “Well, you know what they say: you only live once. So, who are we talking about again?”
Oookaaay, thought Chamo as he looked at Negi. Worry about bro's manhood later. Right now, I've got a kiss to set up. “Let's go, bro!”
“NEJI!” Tenten yelled, startling Neji from his training. Leaping down from the tree she'd been standing on, Tenten flipped in midair and landed in a pose. “We know your secret!”
Neji's demeanor went cold. “You do, do you?”
“Yes,” cried Yahiko, flipping off another tree and landing on the other side of Neji. “ And we're here to stop you!”
“And what makes you think you two alone with be able to stop me? You certainly weren't able to when it was all five of you together.”
“...Uh, what's he talking about?” asked Yahiko.
“DRAGONZORD!” cried Neji, whipping a morpher out in front of him and bursting into green light. A second later, the light cleared, revealing the Green Ranger.
“Oh,” said Yahiko. “Oh, that's worse.”
“Saber-toothed Tiger!” yelled Tenten.
“Triceratops!” followed Yahiko.
Neji raised an unfamiliar dagger to his helmet and began pressing buttons on the side of it.
“Dooooot, doot doot, do do dooooot,” went the Dragon Dagger.
From the Hokage's office, Jiraiya abruptly looked up from his paperwork. Is that screaming? The Hokage stood up and went over to his window.
From the lake around library island, a gigantic, Godzilla-esque robot arose, drenching everything around it as it climbed its way ashore.
“HOLY CRAP! HOW THE HELL DID WE MISS THAT?!”
With a mighty roar, Dragonzord began stomping its way through the Hyuuga compound.
Even as far away as they were, all three rangers could easily see the massive Zord stomping its way through the main branch of the Hyuuga compound. But a question immediately came to mind.
“Er, Neji, was it?” Yahiko asked. “Isn't your Zord going the wrong way?”
“Maybe he's having trouble controlling it,” suggested Tenten.
Ignoring them, the Green Ranger began playing the same tune again.
Back at the Hyuuga clan, the might Zord turned around, smashing several buildings to the ground in the process. It then started stomping back in the opposite direction.
“Okay, looks like it's time to call the Zords,” said Yahiko.
“All two of them,” Tenten deadpanned.
“Hey, he's only got one!” cried Yahiko. “We can take him!”
“Are you blind?! That thing's the size of the Megazord!”
The Green Ranger, ignoring them, began playing a different tune.
“Doot doot doot do do doooooooot,” went the Dragon Dagger.
The Dragonzord once again turned around, destroying even more buildings with its tail. It then raised its hands toward the remains of the Hyuuga compound. From the tip of each of its fingers, a missile suddenly protruded, seconds before launching into the remaining buildings of the Hyuuga compound.
“Dammit, Hiashi!” cried Jiraiya as he ran toward the mechanical monstrosity. “Who the hell did you piss off this time!?”
“Did he forget about us?” asked Yahiko as the Dragonzord continued rampaging around the Hyuuga compound.
“Neji's got some... issues in regards to the rest of the Hyuuga clan,” admitted Tenten. “Anyways, we should probably call the other rangers for backup.”
“Good idea,” said Yahiko. “You call Sakura and Ino, I'll get Kiba.”
“I think I'll just call Zordon,” said Tenten.
Ryouga opened a door, revealing what appeared to be the inside of a cockpit. A thick metal chair was sat in front of what appeared to be controls, likely for some sort of machine. A large window sat at the other side of the chamber, revealing what appeared to be a heavily destroyed village sprinkled liberally with fires. “Where in the world am I now?” Ryouga wondered aloud.
Will Negi pactio with Sakura? Will Ino and Sakura be enough to defeat Zabuza and Haku? Will Naruto stop killing his clones and go back to his breaking point training? Will Ryouga ever figure out where he is? Will Neji still be evil once he finishes destroying the Hyuuga clan? And will Kiba actually find out what's going on in time to help, what with his communicator being confiscated for the class period? Find out next time, on “Wait, Did That Happen Before?”!
edited 1st Apr '14 12:17:26 AM by Hyp3rB14d3

@Karnality i assume sasuke dint took the test because he felt that the academy would give him more power, lee probably got taken under Gai's wing as a Tutor or something, chances are that Naruto being permanently expelled was a rush of either Mizuki or the ninja faction that hated Naruto.
Inb4 but ANBU! No ANBU is not omniscient,i dont believe that they are spying or shadowing every fucking person of Konoha, much less teachers.
I hope some day https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4991314/1/Escape-from-the-Hokage-s-Hat
is finished, the author lost his will when writing the Hoshigakure arc, i also liked it because of this:
Just to be clear, though, I am NOT a Kakashi fan. He cleans up his act in the later parts of the manga, but failed HORRIBLY when it mattered most. He won't be slammed per se, but don't expect him to become one of the saints of the story either.
Reading Naruto: Asunder perfectly good fic until the author pulled one out of his ass, Naruto made a multi layered seal that sealed Sasuke and only Sasue could break it, impossible to mod, Sakura comes in a breaks it, then Narto is captured by Akatsuki even after it's revealed that Itachi works for Konoha.
So two cases of Idiot ball being picked rather hard, because Itachi could've Izanami'ed Danzo and grab the eye but nooo Itachi lets him escape.
Yay! More idiot balls, leave a hyuga girl who has a variation of the byakugan alone when Danzo is off in the world doing his oto-root thing.
edited 31st Mar '14 1:21:48 AM by Duncan0Idaho