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Edited by Mrph1 on Nov 30th 2023 at 11:03:59 AM
All I'm getting is page not found. The Onion is sometimes iffy with external links.
Schild und Schwert der ParteiThe piece is called "Jesus, this week."
This fucking week, sources added.
Christ.
“Seriously, can we wrap this up already?” Maryland resident James Alderman told reporters, echoing the thoughts of all 311 million Americans, who have just about reached their weekly goddamned quota for carnage, misery, confusion, heartbreak, and rage. “Because, you know, I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our hearts ripped out of our chests and stomped on enough times for one seven-day period, thank you very much.”
“Man oh man,” Alderman added, shaking his head. “Can you believe this? Can you honestly believe the kind of piece-of-shit week we’re having here?”
According to a new poll by the Pew Research Center, when reached for comment on this week, 93 percent of Americans responded “Okay, enough’s enough here, you have seriously got to be kidding me with this week,” with 84 percent saying “Is it Sunday yet? What? How in the hell are we only at Thursday? What the hell is going on?” and 100 percent of Americans responding “No, no, go ahead, just pile some more horrific shit on this hellish shitshow of a week. Have at it.”
Following what could only be described by witnesses as the goddamned week to end all soul-crushing weeks, sources all across the nation reported that, sorry, is all this shit really happening at once? Because if all this shit is really happening at once, multiple reports verified, then this might actually be, honest to God, one of the worst weeks of all time.
No joke, added anyone with a set of working eyes and ears. Of all time.
“Maybe next time we have a week, they can try not to pack it completely to the fucking brim with explosions, mutilations, death, manhunts, lies, weeping, and the utter uselessness of our political system,” said basically every person in America who isn’t comatose or a complete sociopath. “You know, maybe try to spread some of that total misery across the other 51 weeks in the year. Just a thought.”
“Gotta hand it to this week, though,” added the entire American populace, laughing and crying at the same time. “It’s a motherfucker.”
At press time, sources confirmed that, you know what? Forget this week. 2013 as a whole can pretty much go straight to hell where it belongs.
GOP blocks Harry Reid from creating conference committee on budget
@Radical: Depends on the tribe. Some tribal groups are fairly rich (between tourism, gambling, functional tribal law systems), others not so well. For example, Hard Rock Cafe is now owned by the Seminole Tribe. On the other hand, for every rich, well-adjusted and happy tribe, there's quite a few reservations that have descended into feudal shitholes. According to one biography from an American Indian Movement elder, the Oglala Sioux from South Dakota were living in worse conditions than most of the rest of South Dakota when the AIM came in and started a big row with the chief, who was not only creaming off federal subsidies for himself and his family, but unironically called his brute squads his GOONs. (Guardians Of the Oglala Nation.)
Oh, and there's currently an ongoing war of lawsuit and countersuit over whether the descendants of Cherokee slaves are entitled to tribal membership and benefits.
Been out of the loop for about a week and just caught up. Heard some of this already, missed other parts.
I'll presume this link about the pro-austerity study with a "mathematical error"
has been brought up in the econ thread (Haven't caught up on that one yet), but I just want to point out what this "mathematical error" entailed:
Now, I can see a random programing error missing a few sets of data, but to miss the specific points/sets that make the data show a completely different result? That seems just a little contrived... I suppose it is more diplomatic than directly calling out the people who did the original study.
@ online sales taxes: goodness knows our technology can handle whatever it needs to, but who gets the sales tax on purely electronic sales? (Looks at Steam and GOG) Someone I heard also mentioned that no one is going to go look very closely at the little businesses to make sure they are paying sales taxes—it is not like the government would be getting much money from those taxes in the first place. Though I can see it being added to state tax returns in some form.
@ the Onion: I know it is an Onion article, but I think it still goes a little to far. By American standards this week has been horrible. By world standards this week has been fairly normal (so far as I know).
Yu hav nat sein bod speeling unntil know. (cacke four undersandig tis)the cake is a lie!I think showing restraint in expressing grief and solidarity in this kind of situation is outright socially inacceptable in the US. You have to emote, and you have to do so in the standard way. Otherwise you're a callous monster.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.I know. <thinks about "Don't forget the OTHER 98%" signs> I find every aspect of the events/issue sad.
Also, that plant (and the associated zoning) have been around for a LONG time. As in, when you had to live within a couple miles of work in order to make it there in a reasonable time. Don't blame it all on "zoning issues".
And that conversation tangent-ed into talking about how I wouldn't mind living that close to a modern Nuclear plant
edited 23rd Apr '13 12:40:44 PM by Belian
Yu hav nat sein bod speeling unntil know. (cacke four undersandig tis)the cake is a lie!Senator Reid will try to replace sequester with war savings from Afghan drawdown
edited 23rd Apr '13 12:52:08 PM by DeviantBraeburn
Everything is Possible. But some things are more Probable than others. JEBAGEDDON 2016I'm not sure if this is dangerous vandalism or magnificent trolling.
The White House's twitter account has been hacked, and the hackers reported explosions and an injured Obama. Briefly, US financial markets dropped before quickly recovering when it was clear that it was bogus.
A group calling itself the Syrian Electronic Army, loyal to Bashar Al-Assad, claimed responsibility.
Schild und Schwert der Partei![]()
The Associated Press's Twiter, not the White House's.
Still quite anoying...
EDIT:
After the false tweet, the benchmark S&P 500 dropped 14 points to as low as 1,563.03 before recovering, all in about five seconds. The Dow Jones Industrial Average temporarily dropped 143.5 points, or 0.98 percent.
Earlier this year, Bloomberg's professional trading platform started incorporating tweets after the SEC clarified how companies can disclose material information through social media.
On Tuesday, spokeswoman Sabrina Briefel said the fake tweet appeared on the Bloomberg terminal. She said the company was not reconsidering its decision to include tweets.
I can believe that. Those auto-trading computers base their "choices" on multiple factors—including buzz words in social media.
edited 23rd Apr '13 3:58:09 PM by Belian
Yu hav nat sein bod speeling unntil know. (cacke four undersandig tis)the cake is a lie!Also one of the reasons some people want to impose a minor tax on investment transactions. If every single transaction that happened in those 5 seconds had been taxed... well, the computers probably wouldn't have been set up to make so many split-second choices.
edited 23rd Apr '13 4:02:14 PM by Belian
Yu hav nat sein bod speeling unntil know. (cacke four undersandig tis)the cake is a lie!
X4 I think evidence is that the group is legitimately working for Assad (or is on his side if outside his control), they've hit several other Twitter accounts with similar actions.
@Belian: We've been discussing the Reinhart-Rogoff "goof" extensively in the Economics thread.
"It's Occam's Shuriken! If the answer is elusive, never rule out ninjas!"Rand Paul Seems Okay With Killing Americans With Drones Now
http://www.inquisitr.com/632487/rand-paul-seems-okay-with-killing-americans-with-drones-now-video/
LOL hypocrite

Last week.
Should it get a thread of its own, or is it fine if it goes here?
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.