The All-Purpose 2814 Fanfiction Thread

“Diabolic Emission…”

The ball of dark energy contracted.

“Merge with the night…”

Energy exploded.

“I…” Illya said, staring at the death before her, “am going to die a virgin.”

Somewhere, Kuro felt a sudden surge of desperate urgency and libido and didn’t know why.

The wave of dark energy spread, reaching to engulf them, Nanoha’s hand snapped up, her ring flaring as a multi-layered sphere of green energy surrounded them, while at the same time a disk of pink light snapped between them and the pulse of energy. Nanoha let out a cry as her constructbuckled, bent and finally shattered under the magical onslaught. Her magical shield held, however, and Ilya hastily directed Ruby to do the same, forming her star-shaped barriers around Nanoha’s widening their shield. Her stars started to crack.

“Ruby! More power!” she cried.

“Fate-chan!” Nanoha called.

Fate wrapped her arms around their waists, her cape vanishing as the glowing golden wings of her Sonic Form flared into being. “Blitz Rush!” she intoned, and Ilya’s breath was squeezed out of her as Fate kicked in the speed. They blew past the leadingedge of the sphere, but Fate didn’t slow, getting as much distance as they could while their enemy’s vision was obscured by her own spell.

Nanoha was apparently taking the sudden burst of speed better than Ilya was, because she was still alert and tracking. “Fate-chan! Behind that building! We need cover!”

Fate made a very abrupt, sharp turn, making Ilya’s stomach roil violently in response. They flashed behind the shadow of a large building, where the blonde finally let them go.

Ilya pushed back from them, turned and retched in midair, the former contents of her stomach plunghing into the darkened earth beneath. When she finally stopped unloading, she directed a bleary gaze at Fate. “A little warning next time, please?” she said weakly.

Fate blushed. “Sorry.”

Nanoha handed Ilya a green tissue and she wiped her mouth with it. That helped, though the inside of her mouth still tasted–

Ilya blinked as Nanoha handed her what appeared to be a green glass of green water. “You’re kidding, right?”

Nanoha shrugged. “It works just like water, though I wouldn’t advise swallowing.”

Grimacing, Ilya took the glass gargled and, with nowhere to delicately get rid of it, spat out the green construct water into the dark below. “Thank you,” she said, feeling cleaner. She paused. “Is it weird your cakes taste as good coming up as going down?”

“We’re particularly proud of that trick,” Nanoha chirped happily. “Takamachi Family Cooking Secret!”

Nanoha opened the door to find Suzuka and Alisa waiting. “Thank you for coming,” she said. “I think I owe you an explanation.”

“About time,” Alisa grumbled. Nanoha seemed to shrink slightly at this, but Alisa smiled to show there weren’t any hard feelings. Not much, anyway.

“Let’s go to the living room,” Nanoha said. “Lindy-san, Fate-chan, and Yuuno-kun are already there.”

Suzuka blinked. “Yuuno-kun?”

“You’ll see,” Nanoha said. “Shall we?”

Indeed, Lindy was there, kneeling in a blue outfit that looked strangely like a military uniform, though from no country either girl could recognize. Kneeling next to her, Fate smiled at them with some trepidation. As they got settled in, Nanoha kept glancing towards the door and out the windows.

“Are we still waiting for someone?” Momoko said.

“He probably got held up,” Nanoha said, now sounding strangely nervous. “But I suppose we can start without him.”

Lindy nodded, and began to explain. Everyone listened in shocked fascination as Lindy recounted the story of the Jewel Seeds, about how Nanoha had assisted them in the gathering. Yuuno had demonstrated his nature by changing into a boy, a stunt that had made Alisa at first pale, then turn crimson in either mortification or rage.

“You were with us at the hot springs!” she cried, barely held back by Nanoha and Fate. Even Miyuki had narrowed her eyes, and she was clutching the lamp next to her like she wanted to use it for something.

“I told Nanoha bringing me to the women’s baths was a bad idea!” Yuuno protested his innocence, using an amused Lindy as a human shield. “She wouldn’t listen!”

“You hadn’t told me you were a boy yet,” Nanoha said.

“I thought you already knew!”

“What kind of girl would insist on bringing a boy to the women’s baths if she knew he was a boy?” Alisa demanded.

“It’s Nanoha!” Yuuno protested. “She kept going on and on about wanting her friends to have fun together!”

“Hey!” Nanoha cried, not sure but somehow sensing this was a jibe at her in some way.

“He has a point,” Suzuka said, causing Alisa to simmer down to mere grumbling.

“Suzuka-chan!” Nanoha pouted, making Fate giggle.

They had all settled down as Lindy continued her story. There were shocked expressions as she related the search for the Book of Darkness, and the battles that had followed. People kept turning to stare at Nanoha and Fate, and even Yuuno at times. Nanoha’s parents looked absolutely flabbergasted.

“How could we not notice this?” Kyouya said.

Miyuki, who also looked perturbed, said, “Well, it could be that Nanoha’s obliviousness is hereditary.”

Everyone blinked at her. “Come again?” Nanoha said.

“You how Nanoha sometimes doesn’t notice things when she’s concentrating on something,” Miyuki said. “Like how she didn’t notice me taking some of the wrapping paper when she was wrapping presents a few days ago.”

Nanoha frowned. “So I did start with more wrapping paper!”

“Oh!” Suzuka said. “You mean like how Kyouya-san sometimes doesn’t notice I’m in the room when he starts making out with Shinobu-neesan?”

Kyouya stared at Suzuka in horror. “When have I ever done that?”

“The last time was yesterday, when you were going to take Onee-chan on a date,” Suzuka said. “I was reading in the parlor when you came in, and when Shinobu-nee came in you sort of pounced on her and ended up on the couch. I passed within three feet of you leaving the room and you didn’t say a thing.”

“You were in the room?-!” Kyouya exclaimed.

“Or when Mom and Dad…” Miyuki coughed delicately. “In the kitchen… sometimes…”

Momoko turned to stare at her daughter. Miyuki blushed and turned away, muttering about how she didn’t see anything. Kyouya and Nanoha blinked the blink of the blissfully innocent.

“I don’t miss things like that!” Nanoha declared , then looked worried. “Do I?”

Yuuno patted her on the shoulder, making the male Takamachis eye him suspiciously. He ignored it with all the nerve of someone who’d dealt with Neo-Ingvalt extremist groups trying to steal Lost Logia from his dig sites at the age of seven armed with nothing but an illegal chemical-powered, rotary cartridge feed, mass-based weapon and a whip. “You don’t miss the important stuff,” Yuuno said, then paused to make sure he had his shield up. “Though you sometimes forget I’m still in the room when you change your clothes.”

“HOOEEEEEEEE!-!-!” Nanoha cried, borrowing Sakura’s exclamation.

“What?” Kyouya said flatly.

“I leave right away,” Yuuno said. “She sometimes forgets to close the door too.”

“Actually, that’s true,” Miyuki said.

Fate stared at Yuuno, a strange expression on her face. “You… Nanoha… seen…”

“Of course not!” Yuuno said. “I’m a gentleman! And I’m perfectly aware of the fact people in this house will kill me if anything like that happens!”

“Huh?” Nanoha said, not really catching that last.

“Nothing Nanoha-chan,” Yuuno said. Male eyes narrowed some more.

Lindy sighed. “Anyway, Nanoha-chan has been a big help to the TSAB,” she said. “She’s an excellent mage, and quite talented. I’m sure that in a few years–”

“Lindy-san, we’ve talked about this,” Nanoha said, in the tones of someone who, indeed, has had this conversation before. “I’m not joining the TSAB. I’m quite happy with my work here already.”

Lindy sighed again. “A real pity. In a couple of years, you’d have been a great Ace.”

“I’m fine being what I am,” Nanoha said.

There was a knock on the door, a hard, firm knock that nevertheless managed to be polite.

Nanoha was up like a shot. “He’s here!” she cried, hurrying to the door. Everyone exchanged confused looks as they heard the door open, and there were muffled words. There was the sound of footwear being removed, and the swish of fabric.

The person who walked in behind Nanoha, wearing slightly glowing green slippers had jaws dropping to the ground.

“S… S…” Alisa tried to say.

“S-su…” Kyouya himself tried.

“Superman-sama?-!” Miyuki finally accomplished. It came out as a squeak.

The Man of Steel smiled. “I’m sorry for being late,” he said, with only the faintest trace of an accent. “There was a giant turtle blocking shipping lanes in Hong Kong. I hope I haven’t inconvenienced anyone.”

Everyone just stared. Nanoha coughed slightly to get their attention. “Um, there’s something else I need to tell everyone too,” Nanoha said. She held up her left hand. A glowing green ring encircled her middle finger. “Um, you know how I’m never around when Green Lantern-chan shows up…?”

He opened his eyes. Blank, soulless, without pity, remorse or anything resembling emotion, they surveyed the area about him. To his back, the sea rose and crashed, spray exploding about him, uncaring to his birth. Like the first life, like the Fey Folk, the Titans, the Gods, and Aphrodite before him, the sea had made him out of itself, the source of all life from great mother Gaia.

He rose, virgin, untested limbs struggling to support his form for the first time. His pale white hide shown in the darkness of the night, tail lashing out. His gaze rose, and he set his eyes upon the unnatural glow of light before him, on steel and concrete towers that had no place on Earth.

His expression never changing, he began to stalk for prey…