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Euodiachloris Since: Oct, 2010
#301: Jan 4th 2018 at 5:08:29 AM

[up]I kept waiting for "the normal" to happen. My first few relationships crashed because I entered them with the expectation that I was just a late bloomer who would need a physical relationship to switch properly on.

That idea is one cultural meme I'd love to see die in a fire: it messed me up good and proper, but because of it, I messed a couple of blokes up, too. :/

Frankly, the sooner relationship training and learning about diverse sexual orientations and dynamics happens for kids, the better. It would have helped me a great deal to realise that "not fussed" wasn't actually a bad thing. I wasn't a prude (it's never disgusted me); I just didn't get the point.

edited 4th Jan '18 5:22:35 AM by Euodiachloris

FlameLightFleeNight Student from India Since: Apr, 2015 Relationship Status: Non-Canon
Student
#302: Feb 4th 2018 at 1:40:01 AM

Hey guys, just wondering... What exactly does 'aromantic' mean? I understand some people don't experience physical desire for other people, and that's asexuality. But such people can still have emotionally fulfilling and committed lifelong friendships. Does that count as aromantic, or romantic, or what? I don't really get the difference between like a Heterosexual Life Partners thing and a non-physical but still emotionally intimate romantic relationship... Please help!

To cast aside fear and regret. To do the deed at hand.
Euodiachloris Since: Oct, 2010
#303: Feb 4th 2018 at 4:55:50 AM

[up]You don't have to have sex to enjoy a cuddle on a sofa. Being intimate isn't automatically bumping uglies; being with somebody doing something private together... even if it's painting the hallway and bickering over where the mirror will go is still intimate interaction which can be of the romantic variety.

Wooing is romance and can be a payoff of its own. smile

As an extreme illustration: when you're lovey-dovey with a cat, unless there's something really wrong... no sex comes up (yick!). Close relationship with tactile contact? Yup.

Sex isn't all there is to be found in a relationship, and many of us want the relationship, but just aren't into the sex. Others can't stand getting too emotionally close to other people and really aren't into the whole living with others deal for a host of reasons (but may want sex). To be sexual and aromantic is also a thing.

Hence the romance-sex clarification.

edited 4th Feb '18 4:57:26 AM by Euodiachloris

phantom1 Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
#304: Feb 4th 2018 at 8:53:07 AM

Fullfilling lifelong friendships would be an aromantic thing. If that person is your girlfriend or boyfriend and you feel romantically towards them that is romantic thing, also romance is an attraction thing. So it can be shallow for someone you don't know super well I think? Unless you are demiromantic. I'm operating without the romance part of the equation but no sex =/= romance. so Asexual people if they are romantic aren't just friends with the person they are with romantically.

LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#305: Feb 13th 2018 at 10:50:23 PM

I have a lot of difficulty at times, understanding the difference between a non-sexual romance, and a 'quasi-platonic' relationship or intimate friendship. I'm not disputing that there is a difference, because plenty of other people seem to see one; I just don't get it. *shrug*

I'll admit that the idea of a longterm relationship based on friendship rather than romance is very appealing.

edited 13th Feb '18 10:52:46 PM by LoniJay

Be not afraid...
M84 Oh, bother. from Our little blue planet Since: Jun, 2010 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
Oh, bother.
#306: Feb 13th 2018 at 10:52:05 PM

Love and friendship aren't quite the same thing. You can love someone with all your heart while still not liking them very much. You can also be good friends with someone without being in love with them. Chaste Romance is a thing, as is Friends with Benefits.

edited 13th Feb '18 10:52:48 PM by M84

Disgusted, but not surprised
LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#307: Feb 13th 2018 at 10:54:54 PM

[up] Well, yeah, so people keep telling me, and I believe them and all. I just don't really understand what it is that makes the difference.

Be not afraid...
M84 Oh, bother. from Our little blue planet Since: Jun, 2010 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
Oh, bother.
#308: Feb 13th 2018 at 10:56:04 PM

I suppose it's one of those things you have to experience yourself to really understand. It's kind of hard to get across the differences between love and friendship in an internet forum thread.

Disgusted, but not surprised
Grafite Since: Apr, 2016 Relationship Status: Less than three
#309: Feb 14th 2018 at 7:23:48 AM

Wow, I was just about to post exactly the same thing as Loni Jay. I just can't see the difference between a friend you want to be with everyday and a romantic interest. Sure, there is the element of sex in there, but that doesn't require love nor romance.

Life is unfair...
Murataku Fits in Heavy's pocket! from Straya Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
Fits in Heavy's pocket!
#310: Feb 14th 2018 at 2:36:56 PM

Count me in also for not understanding the difference. How does being "in love" even feel? I get that it's an emotion that exists because I've seen other people express it, but I have no idea what it actually is.

Friendship is great. I want to be around my closest friends a lot. We have fun and help each other out and I love that they care about me. So how is that different?

The last thing you hear before an unstoppable juggernaut bisects you with a minigun.
phantom1 Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
#311: Feb 15th 2018 at 8:37:10 PM

I don't know I'm Aro. Also I would say romantic love and friendship are different, but one tends to love their close friends in most cases.

unknowing from somewhere.. Since: Mar, 2014
#312: Feb 16th 2018 at 6:39:51 PM

[up][up]You said you love how they care for you, now extrapolate that into a love for them because of who they are and you will kinda get it.

the thing with friend is that you love for being there and hanging out with you, love is kinda that and more, is their expresion of being with you and liking you for what you are and do.

Also in general you stand for a friend but commit to a relationships, romantic union can be a time more fragile than a friendship because Friend have waaaaaaay more boundury to stand on his own.

"My Name is Bolt, Bolt Crank and I dont care if you believe or not"
LoniJay from Australia Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Pining for the fjords
#313: Feb 17th 2018 at 4:19:15 AM

In some ways, if the difference between romance and friendship is the type of affection rather than degree, it's easier to understand and be OK with not having it.

edited 17th Feb '18 4:21:56 AM by LoniJay

Be not afraid...
Euodiachloris Since: Oct, 2010
#314: Feb 17th 2018 at 4:36:33 AM

[up]Bingo. You usually don't get the flutters and silly goofy feeling over friends you want to hang with. But, your romantic partner? Cue goofiness when you get the surprise champers and celebratory gift, and that's before you both crack the bottle open. [lol]

edited 17th Feb '18 4:38:03 AM by Euodiachloris

phantom1 Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
#315: Feb 17th 2018 at 9:26:54 AM

@Loni Jay Yeah definitely a different type.

Minmus The Fool from Hell Since: Oct, 2014 Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
The Fool
#316: Feb 17th 2018 at 7:00:32 PM

As a person who's asexual but not aromantic, here's my $0.02: When I'm with a person I regard as a friend, I generally feel comfortable around them and have an easier time talking with them, coming to form a level of trust with them. It doesn't go much further than that. When I'm with a person I'm attracted tonote , I feel desires for kissing, cuddling and snuggling, and similar thingsnote .

Sick of everything.
phantom1 Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Chocolate!
#317: Feb 17th 2018 at 7:20:06 PM

That makes sense. You're better at explaining than most romantic people.

Minmus The Fool from Hell Since: Oct, 2014 Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
The Fool
#318: Feb 18th 2018 at 12:42:00 PM

Ah, glad to hear it made sense! It's just how I feel about all this, though, so I'm not sure if others feel the same way in terms of this.

Although, on a more serious note, my combination of asexuality with biromanticism makes me feel very easily attracted to people whose personalities I like. And it sucks 'cause it often happens pretty swiftly and the other person almost always does not reciprocate and (rightfully) thinks I'm being way too forward and creepy.note  It makes me honestly wish I was aromantic on top of asexual.

edited 18th Feb '18 12:42:13 PM by Minmus

Sick of everything.
Euodiachloris Since: Oct, 2010
#319: Feb 19th 2018 at 3:25:28 AM

The problems in trying to describe how asexual romance works are various. 1) It varies between people and relationships. 2) We don't experience sexual romance, so trying to explain to those who only know that how we work is problematic. 3) Our wider cultures have so many issues when it comes to talking about both sexuality and romance as it is, few of any of us have any practice doing so, let alone the terminology to do the topic justice. 4) Most of the time is spent at the "no, really, asexual romance exists" phase — it gets old.

Jenyffur That one girl no one talks to from Under a Rock Since: Apr, 2018 Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
That one girl no one talks to
#320: May 15th 2018 at 7:02:15 PM

I think it's definitely abnormal, since abnormal just basically means out of or not the norm, but just because something is abnormal doesn't mean it isn't okay. Since I in general don't believe sexuality has anything to do with right and wrong, I cannot give an answer to whether it's moral or Immoral. I also think that it isn't that common, and most people who say they are, don't fit the exact label but I also don't really like labels so that's not really in issue. In conclusion let people call themselves whatever they want as long as they don't hurt me I won't hurt them.

So I'm 13 and I do nothing all day but look at tropes and have absolutely no social skills. Let's be Hetero/Homosexal life partners.
Nukeli The Master Of Fright & A Demon Of Light from A Dark Planet Lit By No Sun Since: Aug, 2018 Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
The Master Of Fright & A Demon Of Light
#321: Sep 14th 2021 at 8:20:16 AM
Thumped: This post was thumped by moderation to preserve the dignity of the author.
~ * Bleh * ~ (Looking for a russian-speaker to consult about names and words for a thing)
Fighteer MOD Lost in Space from The Time Vortex (Time Abyss) Relationship Status: TV Tropes ruined my love life
Lost in Space
#322: Sep 14th 2021 at 8:36:53 AM

If you're going to necro something, add content, don't just go "WTF is this?" Use your brain, please.

Is there any reason to keep this thread active given that it's been dead for three years?

"It's Occam's Shuriken! If the answer is elusive, never rule out ninjas!"
ShinyCottonCandy Industrious Incisors from Sinnoh (4 Score & 7 Years Ago) Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
Industrious Incisors
#323: Sep 14th 2021 at 8:41:58 AM

[up]I don't think we need it. For issues affecting asexuals on a broad scale, we have the much more active LGBT+ rights threads, and for more individual events, the Unified LGBT threat in yack fest is fine, and I'm pretty sure there's also a coven for those who want something more specific.

SoundCloud
Berrenta How sweet it is from Texas Since: Apr, 2015 Relationship Status: Can't buy me love
How sweet it is
#324: Sep 14th 2021 at 9:02:35 AM

Alright then. Closing.

she/her | TRS needs your help! | Contributor of Trope Report
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