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You are now in charge of North Korea.

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KSPAM PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY from PARTY ROCK Since: Oct, 2009 Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
#26: May 3rd 2011 at 8:55:20 PM

Rig hundreds of bundles of high explosives on key fault lines throughout the country and watch the whole country literally crumble from my helicopter while I smoke a dramatic cigarette.

edited 3rd May '11 8:56:24 PM by KSPAM

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery. Goodfae: a mafia web serial
KitsuneInferno Jackass Detector from East Tennessee Since: Apr, 2009
Jackass Detector
#27: May 3rd 2011 at 9:03:59 PM

I'd settle things with South Korea once and for all. With a taekwondo tournament.

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt." - Some guy with a snazzy hat.
SpookyMask Since: Jan, 2011
#28: May 3rd 2011 at 9:20:42 PM

Give up the control of the country to the South Korea and use money to go into vacation into Japan.

LolipodDistortion HIP HOP HIPSTER from Austin, Texas Since: Aug, 2010
HIP HOP HIPSTER
#29: May 3rd 2011 at 10:13:30 PM

Yeah, I'm going to go with have a country wide dance party. Dubstep for all!

Underneath the bridge The tarp has sprung a leak And the animals I've trapped have all become my pets
Malkavian What is this from madness Since: Jan, 2001
What is this
#30: May 3rd 2011 at 10:15:08 PM

I'm.... so ronery...

"Everyone wants an answer, don't they?... I hate things with answers." — Grant Morrison
EnglishIvy Since: Aug, 2011
#31: May 3rd 2011 at 10:59:04 PM

Dubstep for all!

You monster!

Edmania o hai from under a pile of erasers Since: Apr, 2010
o hai
#32: May 3rd 2011 at 11:20:28 PM

Formally surrender to the allied powers of the United States, Japan and South Korea bringing a true end to the Korean War. * If the Chinese seek to continue belligerency after that owing to them being one of the belligerents, I'd oppose them. *

After that, take some money, retire and wash my hands of the situation.

If people learned from their mistakes, there wouldn't be this thing called bad habits.
Jackerel SURPRISE from ur sentry Since: Feb, 2011
SURPRISE
#33: May 3rd 2011 at 11:23:22 PM

Conduct a few social and medical experiments well within the bounds of acceptability. (Seriously.)

Harass China and Russia and see if I can convince them that NK will stop throwing tantrums, now that a Kim isn't in charge.

Was Jack Mackerel. | i rite gud
JethroQWalrustitty Since: Jan, 2001
#34: May 3rd 2011 at 11:33:23 PM

Continue the lockdown on the borders at first, but relealse political prisoners, return foreign prisoners, send out a message that we're willing to do peace, but request aid to get the country on its feet before reunification. Once there's some infrastructure up, we can be sure that once the border is opened, the brunt of the population doesn't flee southwards, leaving behind those too weak or sentimental to leave, who then have to suffer a coollappsing system.

Also, release that movie Kim Jong Il had made on the international market.

SabresEdge Show an affirming flame from a defense-in-depth Since: Oct, 2010
Show an affirming flame
#35: May 4th 2011 at 12:01:23 AM

Also, release that movie Kim Jong Il had made on the international market.

Auction off exclusive riffing rights to the highest bidder and retire with enough money to buy South Korea.grin

Charlie Stross's cheerful, optimistic predictions for 2017, part one of three.
AirofMystery Since: Jan, 2001
#36: May 4th 2011 at 1:02:33 AM

I'd settle things with South Korea once and for all. With a taekwondo Starcraft tournament.

Seriously? I would probably slowly remove the Kim Jong Il worship that's been forced into the populace (like De Nazification after WW 2), entice politically savvy refugees who left North Korea to come back, and gradually build North Korea up into being a constitutional monarchy with myself as king. I would grow potatoes for the people in that enormous hotel tower that never quite got finished, encourage people to grow their own food, start a hackey-sack tournemant in the army (really, those high kicks will be a godsend for them) and otherwise just hang out. Honestly, I bet most of North Korea's food problems come from Kim Jong-Il's stupid-ass spending habits than anything else.

AttObl ... Since: Oct, 2010
...
#37: May 4th 2011 at 5:41:34 AM

I'm with Major Tom on the subject on North Korea.

However, if the South Koreans want to fight, then playing Starcraft would have to suffice.

Shutdown sequence initiated.
inane242 Anwalt der Verdammten from A B-Movie Bildungsroman Since: Nov, 2010
Anwalt der Verdammten
#38: May 4th 2011 at 6:13:55 AM

You monster!

Whats wrong with dubstep?

The 5 geek social fallacies. Know them well.
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
DanEile Inexplicable Student from Ireland Since: May, 2010
Inexplicable Student
#40: May 4th 2011 at 6:29:52 AM

Good Lord, what idiot thought giving me control of a country was a good idea?

Let the government-sponsored beer festival commence!

"You can only come to the morning through the shadows."
theLibrarian Since: Jul, 2009
#41: May 4th 2011 at 6:37:57 AM

NO MORE COMMUNISM! Up with capitalism! End the Korean War once and for all! Strengthen the economy and start advancing us. If Russia could do it post-USSR, why can't we?

AirofMystery Since: Jan, 2001
#42: May 4th 2011 at 6:38:38 AM

[up]Yeah, but Russia had a pretty shitty 90s. And I'm not talking "they played a lot of Hanson on the radio", here.

NotSoBadassLongcoat The Showrunner of Dzwiedz 24 from People's Democratic Republic of Badassia (Old as dirt) Relationship Status: Puppy love
The Showrunner of Dzwiedz 24
#43: May 4th 2011 at 8:43:55 AM

  1. Check budget.
  2. Get rid of military hardliners somehow. Bureaucrats aren't as much of a problem, disgruntled military commanders have tanks or at least very obedient troopers at their disposal.
  3. Initiate economic reforms.
  4. Initiate slow ideological and educational reforms just so people don't suspect they're getting bullshitted the other way all of a sudden (China kinda does it already).
  5. Sign a peace treaty with the South.
  6. Open the borders to a reasonable level.
  7. The Chinese will catch the refugees and ship them back regardless. Do not make a fuss over it.
  8. Observe the people and react.

"what the complete, unabridged, 4k ultra HD fuck with bonus features" - Mark Von Lewis
Catfish42 Bloody Fossil from world´s favourite country. Since: Dec, 2010 Relationship Status: I'm just high on the world
Bloody Fossil
#44: May 4th 2011 at 9:00:09 AM

Something like Major Tom's and Jethro's solutions.

Controlled unification with/integration into the South, which includes formally ending the war. And keeping a good eye on the hardliners and the likes during the process.

edited 4th May '11 9:00:53 AM by Catfish42

A different shape every step I take A different mind every step of the line
Yowuza Since: Sep, 2010
#45: May 4th 2011 at 9:03:03 AM

Free political prisioners, open the borders and then escape the country while avoiding being noticed, finally, watch hilarity unfold.

edited 4th May '11 9:04:24 AM by Yowuza

Carciofus Is that cake frosting? from Alpha Tucanae I Since: May, 2010
Is that cake frosting?
#46: May 4th 2011 at 9:10:59 AM

1. Gather a group of.. let's say thirty, it sounds a reasonable number, Korean or at least of Korean descent people with a solid code of ethics, good interpersonal skills and advanced political know-how.

2. Abdicate to them.

3 Get out of Korea, so not to look like some sort of behind-the-scenes participant to the process. Do not interact with the new appointees in any way, no matter what they do.

3. Let them solve the whole goddamn mess. Or not. It's up to them, really — they have a chance, and it is a better one than if I tried to act personally on the matter.

As I said in the other thread, I am just not cut out to be a politician, and I am sure I would do a horrible job if I tried. So why make myself and everyone else miserable?

edited 4th May '11 9:15:24 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.
HungryJoe Gristknife from Under the Tree Since: Dec, 2009
Gristknife
#47: May 4th 2011 at 12:18:03 PM

I'd use my absolute authority to build a technological utopia, by offering lavish palaces to those most helpful to acheiving this goal.

Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
pvtnum11 OMG NO NOSECONES from Kerbin low orbit Since: Nov, 2009 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
OMG NO NOSECONES
#48: May 4th 2011 at 12:49:21 PM

Since I'm in control, I'd publicly denounce the concepts of Juche and Self-Reliance as taught by Kim Il-Song, and immediately begin some for-real talks with South Korea, along with the other members of the Six-Party talks, to include opening up the border for less restrictive travel. I'd also put a moratorium on all nuclear technology, ballistic missile technology and a shake-down on generic military funding. I have more pressing things to spend my meager state funds on, like food for the people and things like that. If I'm short on funds, I'll post up my predecessors stuff on eBay for sale. More public speeches would highlight the immediate need for us to seek reconciliation through peaceful means with the South. Hard-line military leaders will be told in no uncertain terms that I am not willing to starve ourselves just so they can wear uniforms covered with chest candy. Military leaders who are on-board for progress will be promoted.

Sit back and see what happens.

If all goes well, I'd proceed to open up the border more to allow family visits with minimal fuss. NK workers that work in SK will be allowed to work, and vice-versa. Visas to travel to the South will be granted with expediency.

I'll order a review of the circumstances behind the jailing of all citizens held in labor camps. Those who merely expressed some verbal discontent will immediately be set free to return to their old lives - I suspect that would be the overwhelming majority of the camp populations.

Then I'll re-name the camps into things called "prisons" for the actual criminals.

Watch what happens.

If that goes well, I'll announce a constitutional reform session, and I'll make sure that language is written in that allows for general elections, the formation of other political parties, and some form of Bill of Rights. I'll get the South involved in this, too, for consultations.

I will issue cease and desist orders to State Security in regards to religious persecution, and announce state-wide that freedom of religious expression will be honored now as a human right.

If the consitutional reform goes well, announce a general election within a reasonable timeframe (to allow other parties to form up and get a strong candidate in place for the run) and also announce that I will NOT be running for office.

Upon learning of my eventual removal from office, I will ensure that my sucessor is clear as to the goals of the State: Re-unite peaceably with the South, and that a United Korea can eventually become a beacon of prosperity in Asia.

The goal: Make all world maps obsolete, once Korea is one nation again.

edited 4th May '11 12:50:27 PM by pvtnum11

Happiness is zero-gee with a sinus cold.
Erock Proud Canadian from Toronto Since: Jul, 2009
Proud Canadian
#49: May 4th 2011 at 12:55:39 PM

1. Make a speech similar to Krshuhkev's one decrying Stalin, only this one on King Jong.

2. Reunite (not surrender) with the South West/East Germany style.

3. Work with the South Korean PM to help the North catch up.

At least North Korea has potential and decent land, unlike Africa.

If you don't like a single Frank Ocean song, you have no soul.
pvtnum11 OMG NO NOSECONES from Kerbin low orbit Since: Nov, 2009 Relationship Status: We finish each other's sandwiches
OMG NO NOSECONES
#50: May 4th 2011 at 1:09:58 PM

^ Pretty much the nutshell version of what I had in mind.

Happiness is zero-gee with a sinus cold.

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