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You are now in charge of North Korea.

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HungryJoe Gristknife from Under the Tree Since: Dec, 2009
Gristknife
#1: May 3rd 2011 at 3:17:32 PM

You recently married a person of Korean descent, and, in a sort of reverse William of Orange situation, a CIA led Coup d'etat has placed you in charge of the nation.

You're under loads of pressure by your handlers to do what they want, but they're not in direct contact with you.

The military is almost entirely intact, the palace guard took the brunt of the casualties.

Your control over NK is absolute, your will be done.

What woulds't thou do? _>

Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
LoveHappiness Nihilist Hippie Since: Dec, 2010
Nihilist Hippie
#2: May 3rd 2011 at 3:18:44 PM

Create a utopia. I'd lead a radically democratic revolution.

edited 3rd May '11 3:18:56 PM by LoveHappiness

"Had Mother Nature been a real parent, she would have been in jail for child abuse and murder." -Nick Bostrom
HungryJoe Gristknife from Under the Tree Since: Dec, 2009
Gristknife
#3: May 3rd 2011 at 3:19:24 PM

You're already in charge.

Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.
Tzetze DUMB from a converted church in Venice, Italy Since: Jan, 2001
BobbyG vigilantly taxonomish from England Since: Jan, 2001
vigilantly taxonomish
#5: May 3rd 2011 at 3:21:41 PM

I'm upgrading my "Oh shit" to a "FUCK."

edited 3rd May '11 3:22:06 PM by BobbyG

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Ultimatum Disasturbator from The Wiggle Room (Old as dirt) Relationship Status: Who needs love when you have waffles?
Disasturbator
#6: May 3rd 2011 at 3:23:20 PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

edited 3rd May '11 3:23:33 PM by Ultimatum

have a listen and have a link to my discord server
annebeeche watching down on us from by the long tidal river Since: Nov, 2010
watching down on us
#7: May 3rd 2011 at 3:23:25 PM

Start a historical reenactment society for the Viking Age.

Yes. In the middle of North Korea.

Banned entirely for telling FE that he was being rude and not contributing to the discussion. I shall watch down from the goon heavens.
MajorTom Since: Dec, 2009
#8: May 3rd 2011 at 3:25:52 PM

Formally surrender to the allied powers of the United States, Japan and South Korea bringing a true end to the Korean War. If the Chinese seek to continue belligerency after that owing to them being one of the belligerents, I'd oppose them.

After that, take some money, retire and wash my hands of the situation.

Shichibukai Permanently Banned from Banland Since: Oct, 2011
Permanently Banned
#9: May 3rd 2011 at 3:37:29 PM

[up][up] Appoint her onto my team of elite historians.

Build an imperfect replica of Buckingham Palace adorned with Engrish.

Solve North Korea's food problem with Soylent Green.

Requiem ~ September 2010 - October 2011 [Banned 4 Life]
#10: May 3rd 2011 at 3:39:12 PM

Announce that anyone who wishes to join South Korea may do so, and that the border will be moved steadily north proportionate to the number who do so. Also, fortify the Chinese border until the Great Wall looks like a porch railing.

<><
Moogi A Mediocre Khan from everywhy Since: Jan, 2001
A Mediocre Khan
#11: May 3rd 2011 at 3:53:07 PM

I would institute the National Out-Crazy Every Leader Ever Initiative. The entire government would be dedicated to finding new ways to be completely and utterly insane. Reincarnating into moose would be banned. Anyone born in the 17th Century would be declared an enemy of the state, to be killed until dead on sight. All communication with foreigners would be required to involve that language's equivalent of 'fuck' in every sentence. Every year since 1927 would be declared null and void, and every year would be labeled 1927a (or -b, and so on) until we 'get it right'. I could go on?

https://www.facebook.com/emileunmedicatedanduncut
annebeeche watching down on us from by the long tidal river Since: Nov, 2010
watching down on us
#12: May 3rd 2011 at 3:56:55 PM

[up] Legendary.

Banned entirely for telling FE that he was being rude and not contributing to the discussion. I shall watch down from the goon heavens.
Moogi A Mediocre Khan from everywhy Since: Jan, 2001
randomtroper5 J.Snicket from Grim Grotto Since: Sep, 2010
J.Snicket
#14: May 3rd 2011 at 3:59:41 PM

North Korea is essentially a failed state whose information suppression and large army help maintain the oligarchy which has the entire country's resources available. Reunification is impossible, too much economic disparity. Maintain the basic Intranet, but otherwise ban the Internet. Reduce the military slightly. It does protect against external invasion, but North Korea's farms can't support it. Speaking of which, set up more farms. Rather than attempt to create a high tech facade with a huge unfinished hotel and a Godzilla ripoff, force your citizens into an agrarian society. You will be able to claim to your citizens that, despite the overall economic collapse reported in international news, you have managed to put rice in every pot. Meanwhile, you and your most trusted associated will enjoy the luxuries of all N. Korea has to offer. Maybe kidnap a troper so they can redesign the country's webpage.

I'm the only 'tar that ere jumped ship from Vandervecken's crew
MajorTom Since: Dec, 2009
#15: May 3rd 2011 at 6:48:22 PM

Reunification is impossible

People said that about Germany with the industrialized prosperous West and the Ruritanian East.

Korea has fewer people to reunify than Germany did and yet Germany managed.

Gelzo Gerald Zosewater from the vault Since: Oct, 2009
Gerald Zosewater
#16: May 3rd 2011 at 7:44:05 PM

I don't think I'd be a very good leader, so I think I'd rely pretty heavily on the international community and advisors to make decisions.

I don't think being the leader of a country is really the kind of life I'd want to leave, but if I ever had the opportunity, I'd feel responsible for what happened if the power ever fell into the hands of someone crazy or less principled.

I don't know enough about the relevant political workings to be able to figure out whether reunification or otherwise joining with another nation would be feasible or preferable, but if I manage to figure out whether that's the case, I'd be happy to give up power. If not, I guess I could arrange to have the country made a democracy after my death. That should be more than enough time for the place to stabilize, and I'm not sure if I could trust my lineage to rule justly for more than a generation or two.

Ruining everything forever.
EnglishIvy Since: Aug, 2011
#17: May 3rd 2011 at 7:47:09 PM

Start a shooting war with China, because it'd be hilarious.

Deathonabun Bunny from the bedroom Since: Jan, 2001
Bunny
#18: May 3rd 2011 at 7:47:56 PM

Press the tornado button repeatedly

One of my few regrets about being born female is the inability to grow a handlebar mustache. -Landstander
Astrosimi Astronomically Awesome from God's Waiting Room Since: Mar, 2010 Relationship Status: LA Woman, you're my woman
Astronomically Awesome
#19: May 3rd 2011 at 8:02:45 PM

[up] You can only tornado-rape so many countries, Death.

As for me? Apologize for every single piece of crap thing NK ever did, institute revolutionary educational measures, and then hand it over to someone who knows how to handle a country.

Deathonabun Bunny from the bedroom Since: Jan, 2001
Bunny
#20: May 3rd 2011 at 8:03:22 PM

says you

*press* *press* *press* *press* *press* *press*

One of my few regrets about being born female is the inability to grow a handlebar mustache. -Landstander
betterthanstrawberry Dreaming out loud. from back in the atmosphere. Since: Sep, 2010
Dreaming out loud.
#21: May 3rd 2011 at 8:04:53 PM

I would demobilise the military and relocate the most of the defence and wine budget to help the state's agricultural industry and infrastructures. Then I would gradually ease restrictions on personal freedom and finally formally surrender to South Korea. Then I would arrange an internationally monitored democratic election, let the bloke in charge handle the reunification and bugger off to a peaceful villa on Mt. Baekdu.

Of course, being in charge of North Korea would require me to be an insane Kim. In which case, I would outfit old MT-LB armoured personnel carriers with giant drills to dig invasion tunnels into South Korea. Every able-bodied man not in professional military service would be required to help with the project. The project would be given the inspirational name "The Great Dig Forward". Every wall in the Republic would have a mural of me in increasingly ridiculous outfits. The unfinished Ryugyong hotel would be repurposed into a supervillain lair from which I would destroy the US Pacific Fleet with a giant laser. I would also build a battle mecha in the shape of the great Kim Il-Sung to spearhead the eventual invasion of the United States.

Should the great Chosun army lose*

, I would wear a giant fake moustache, live in disguise as a normal office worker in the South, and eventually write an alternate history novel where Southern defectors helped the North develop a chemically engineered bread which turned the KPA into an army of invincible supersoldiers, allowing them to take over the world. The novel, which would be published under a fake name, would be called "The Buns of the South".

If any of this is too distasteful, I sincerely apologise.

edited 3rd May '11 8:08:52 PM by betterthanstrawberry

Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science.
NickTheSwing Since: Aug, 2009
#22: May 3rd 2011 at 8:17:29 PM

  • Ban death by moose
  • Expel all Libyans
  • Announce that all streets must blare In The End by Linkin Park
  • Mandate that the military learn three forms of dance
  • Orange juice is an enemy of the state
  • P Diddy is an enemy of state
  • The expression Pulling my Leg is punishable by tickle torture
  • Kim Jung Il is to be remembered as Super Ultimate Grand Mega Giga Powerful Leader Who Forever Unites the Proletariat
  • Everyone is to switch to state owned Gecko Insurance. No, not Geico. GECKO.
  • Annual Tug of War competitions must be done.
  • Military Budget goes to Gundams.

edited 3rd May '11 8:24:01 PM by NickTheSwing

Spornicus Zoso from College Since: Apr, 2011
Zoso
#23: May 3rd 2011 at 8:22:14 PM

Draw up a treaty with South Korea, then continue Kim Jong Il's policy of buying shitloads of sherry.

PASSWORDISTACO
TheGinkei A Pheasant Experience from Reality Since: Sep, 2010
A Pheasant Experience
#24: May 3rd 2011 at 8:39:35 PM

Surrender to South Korea and immediately after the reunification papers are inked, yell "Haha, it's your problem now, suckers!"

And "Reality" is unveiled. What did it want...? What did it see...? What did it hear...? What did it think...? What did it do...?
SabresEdge Show an affirming flame from a defense-in-depth Since: Oct, 2010
Show an affirming flame
#25: May 3rd 2011 at 8:48:36 PM

Offer to auction off all of North Korea off to the highest bidder, then retire for a comfortable exile dodging Predator strikes.

Charlie Stross's cheerful, optimistic predictions for 2017, part one of three.

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