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@Lost In Litigation @Golden Kaos Fair point. The reason why I asked this due to me wanting to a simulate a scene. See, here's the thing, there's this scene on my own story regarding two people pleading on a throne room and got interrupted by the main villain of my own story who stormed into the throne room and basically here's the simulation looks like:
As they arrived to the throne room, they find the king sitting on his throne in a rather grim expression.
“So this is the king that you’re talking about grandma?” whispered Youzakun.
“Yes, this is the king that I have a poor communication with. I regret that I didn’t tell him several specific details due to my limited knowledge.” The Soothsayer answered.
“Don’t be so pessimistic grandma! This is the opportunity to apologize yourself to the king and lift this curse once and for all.” Said Youzakun.
“Very well then, let’s talk to the king.” The Soothsayer responded grimly.
“Hey there Mr. King! I’m Youzakun and I’m a Metushka who will apply as a new soldier for your kingdom as I need a stable income. Besides me here is my grandmother who is on her poor condition. Before she dies, she would like to apologize to you about the horrible things she had done in the past.” Youzakun shouted.
“Youzakun, that’s pretty impolite of you!” the Soothsayer scolded.
“Sorry grandma, can’t help it.” Smiled Youzakun as he sticks his tongue out and put one of his hands on the back.
“I’m sorry, but who are you people?” asked the King as he looks confused.
“Wait! You don’t know us, this is my grandmother! A very famous soothsayer across Svizlandia.” Shouted Youzakun as he pointed to the Soothsayer. “And don’t you know me? I’m a new member for the army who applied for this job!”
“I’m sorry, your existence doesn’t ring a bell to me. Please tell me who you are.” Said the King.
“What? Did you really forget our existence including your old friend the Soothsayer!? That’s a mutiny right there!” protested Youzakun.
“The soothsayer's...Old friend...Aaaaaaaaaaaugh!!!” King Aryessta screams.
“It’s no use. I think he’s still angry at me, my child, and intentionally doesn’t remember me.” Frowned the Soothsayer.
“Nonsense! There must be another reason...” said Youzakun before he was interrupted by someone.
When Youzakun tries to say another word, suddenly three beautiful girls went straight into the throne room to meet the king.
Now then, I bolded this part actually because I want to describe these three beautiful girls are. They are Honuria (The main antagonist of my story) and her own sisters, Ilsa and Selvis. I'm going to give you a bit of a detail on how they look like:
That's how I describe her appearance. Sorry for the long post. But the real question is: How should I describe a character appearance when simulating a certain scene like the throne room scene?
My rule of thumb is to, at first appearance, focus on the details that give the sort of impression of the character you want the reader to come away with, and also the aspects that matter to the story at that point. If you're using a particular viewpoint character rather than an omniscient narrator, color that description with what would be logical for the character to notice from where they stand. Any other little details can be revealed as they become important. Literature is one medium where precise personal appearance can, and often does matter less than one might think.
Alrighty, consider your goal with describing these three girls- they're alluringly beautiful. Break down their appearances and consider what they would actually look like without describing them in terms of someone else's outfit, and how the outfit would move, functionally work, and be reacted to by the standards of the setting.
All of them have red eyes, so that can only be mentioned once, and possibly other similarities in their faces (which don't have to be described) that an onlooker might assume they're sisters. The red eyes might not be realistically visible unless one is up close, but their outfits seem to be working in their favor on this front because the oldest and youngest have been described as wearing colors that compliment, and bring out red. And the two oldest are wearing outfits that would have been considered scandalous and possibly illegal until probably the last sixty years, and even now would turn heads and invite odd looks.
The first girl's appearance can be boiled down to long wavy hair, red glasses, and a revealing outfit in seafoam green consisting of tight pants, and what can only be described as a bodice ending under the bust (modern bras weren't a thing until the 1920s) with an attached cape, opera gloves, and a high collar like what the queens of old would have worn, topped with an oddly simple golden tiara. The top is bottom-heavy enough to make one wonder how it manages to stay in place.
The second can be simplified down to pigtails, and an elaborate princess gown split open down the middle like a man's coat, exposing yet another short bodice that matched the dress and skintight knickers not unlike what a street child might wear, and heavy shoes and torn stockings that make it difficult to determine where the two end and begin. (I can't tell how the midriff-baring spy catsuit top might work into this, unless maybe that's what she's wearing instead of the bra...?)
And the third is just a small girl with pigtails and a slim green gown that would have been merely inappropriate for a girl her age (slim-cut gowns like that weren't in fashion until the 1920s, but the basic shape might not have looked too odd in early 1800s Europe) yet manages to look downright matronly compared to the other two.
Also, make sure you're clear about your terminology. The pupil is a hole in the eyeball that lets light and images in so that you can see, and cannot, in humans, realistically be colored anything other than black; I assume you meant irises. I assume you ran into the problem of people reading "red eyes" as "bloodshot" or "irritated eyes", which I have as well, and I've gotten around this by describing them as "red, like how his/her own eyes were blue/brown/whatever", or having viewpoint characters describe them as demonic, evil-looking, creepy, menacing, etc. in addition to red.
Edited by CrystalGlacia on Aug 6th 2019 at 9:55:37 AM
Thanks...Appreciate the input.
As far as the outfit goes, given this is set in fantasy setting and I love the Costume Porn trope especially the ones that happened in anime, I intentionally made it that way but I can understand the time that was set could made the outfit considered as scandalous. Although given the story is set in a different world, I don't see why not.
Edited by ElfenLiedFan90 on Aug 6th 2019 at 9:16:34 PM
I'm Compd 002 DX, new to writing and want to make a lot of stories. I got a lot of concepts that I want to use but having a hard time putting them together!
In my Stock Shōnen Hero quest to become the best fantasy filmmaker out there, I've made an (early) step with a 48-hour film.
Here it is.
Goals are important when writing and drawing. Without goals, you get bored with your work and find excuses to stop doing it. I need to get a goal. Otherwise im just endlessly generating notes for myself but never creating anything to show others.
Wattpad has been recommended to me as a platform to write on that has willing readers, what platforms do yall use? Who is your audience?
I've created a Writing Game designed for honing your writing and plotting skills. I made the game last weekend when I was thinking up ideas for my short stories.
TVTropes Round Robin Story (Writing Game)
Well, just earlier today I sent in to an online magazine my first short-story submission in a long time. Now to wait for a response... o_o
Good luck, dude!
Thank you! ^_^
I have yet to have a story accepted, which can be a little dispiriting. (That fact, along with my game-project taking up more time, may have contributed to my falling away from writing and submitting short-stories for a while). We'll see how it goes—but I really like this story, so I'm hopeful.
Edited by ArsThaumaturgis on Sep 8th 2019 at 6:59:08 PM
I finally finished the first major arc of my story. Overall, it makes like 50 like pages on word, which is fine for me. All of it is meant to be a sort of introduction to the setting and the characters.
Edited by KazuyaProta on Sep 9th 2019 at 11:35:23 AM
Hi there, I am Dragon Master 88. I have and still am, writing the same story for the last ten years (I am very dedicated to it). Not gonna go into a lot of details about it but it's basically a Slice of Life, Fantasy, Action-Adventure story (And yes I've heard from my friend's brother that it isn't possible, but you really just have to think about it in a certain way). Exhibit A, What formula can be used to make that work. Exhibit B, It's a fantasy story their slice of life is Fantasy based. You see I look for a lot of loopholes that get presented to me and I've found a lot over the last ten years when my friend's brother pointed out all of my stories flaws. Anyways before I go on a huge rant about the flaws I have fixed in that time. It's nice to meet all of you I might not be on that often but I will post from time to time.
So flame out. (Sorry couldn't help it)
So we have this thing called Project Cafe that is held at our school where you can actually work on your own personal project for credits. The problem is that I'm not sure which of my roughly fifteen hundred projects I should really tackle head-on for it. I've always kind of been spreading my attention different directions; when I get frustrated or bored with one thing, I work on another. Laser-focusing on one single thing seems scary, if not outright impossible.
I'm attempting a short screenplay script, but I think I unintentionally bit off more than I could chew as it may be a lot longer than I had anticipated. Still probably not a two hour movie, but I thought it was going to be 10-20 minutes.
This seems to happen a lot with me, going into the story without realizing how long it'll be. I have written some shorter stories, but I kinda want to see this one through so I can finish something that's more than 3-5 pages long.
I'm thinking about going ahead and writing my other story alongside this one, but that may make me even less productive.
Okay, so I decided to take a hiatus a bit from my main story and write a short story to practice my writing skills. Anyways, in this particular story that I made. I want to ask a question, how do you describe a sound effect in a fiction as this story that I made was actually told by a first person setting. Now here's the dialogue from my story I have a problem with:
“I know that. I also hate this place. But we have no choice but to travel through to the forest to find your idiot brother.”
“Hey! My brother isn’t an idiot you know.”
(Suddenly, the two bullies starts hearing an owl noises)
“What on earth was that!?”
“Relax, it’s just an owl. I mean, it’s not like a monster that will attack us right?”
See the bolded line? This is the main problem. I'm really crap at trying to describe what's happening by using the sound effects and the story is told by a first person perspective. Anyways, if you ask me about the context of the scene: Basically the main characters are looking at a video recorder about their bullies in a cursed forest at night trying to find the ringleader of the bullies henchman's twin brother who got lost in the forest after trying to take a pee.
I might suggest just describing the sound; since this is in first-person, I'd suggest describing the protagonist's immediate impression of the sound, specifically.
For example, it might be described as an "eerie hoot", or, more cryptically, as a "soft, ghostly cry".
A full line might look something like this:
Edited by ArsThaumaturgis on Sep 28th 2019 at 7:25:52 PM
if that's the case, then the dialogue should be like this right:
Suddenly, a sound of a creepy owl began to startle the bullies.
Considered that the conversation actually took place where the protagonists were seeing their bullies getting scared on a video recorder... Yeah.
Edited by ElfenLiedFan90 on Sep 28th 2019 at 10:31:29 AM
My apologies, I did realise only after writing the example that I had been mistaken about who was reacting to the owl. ^^;
That said, I think that you have the right idea—but I'd suggest being more descriptive than simply stating that it was a "creepy owl". Especially as you go on to say just two lines later that it is indeed an owl. In short, "show" the owl's hoot, rather than "telling" the reader about it.
Edited by ArsThaumaturgis on Sep 28th 2019 at 9:11:20 PM
Um, that's not first person. First person narrative is indicated by the use of the pronouns "I" and "We".
@De Marquis Right... I need to give a context on the conversation though. That one, is not the protagonist that talks in the conversation but I can understand the ambiguity of it
Okay, so I am working on a screenplay script, but it looks like it's going to be a lot longer than I had initially anticipated. I went in expecting about 10-20 pages, with it being one page per minute, but I'm currently fourteen pages into it and I don't know if I'm anywhere near done telling the story.
It's supposed to be a martial arts story, but there hasn't been a whole of action as the story so far focuses on the MC's life issues, but he frequently daydreams about being a legendary martial artist.
I made an outline, but forgot to save it, so now I'm writing by the seat of my pants. In the original outline, the MC's dad is murdered because he owes money and couldn't pay it off, so the MC takes training in kung fu after learning that the killer practices kung fu.
There came the issue of coming up with a sastisfactory resolution as I didn't want the MC to kill the villain, and him getting arrested without a kung fu battle would have been anti-climatic.
After actually starting the script, I decided that his dad lives, but still learns kung fu after being beaten up by a thug and the stereotypical wise old mentor takes him in.
I need something that actually sets him on the path of fighting bad guys as beating up the bully would just be a revenge story, and the sensei tells the MC that kung fu should not be used for personal vengeance.
Unlike the outline, the thug is just a part of some random gang and not part of some enemy dojo nor does anyone close to the MC owe money.
This is my first real attempt at writing a film script, so I'm sure some of the formatting is not correct, but I'm figuring it out as I go along.
I really like martial arts movies, but I'm just not into it with this project, but I need to finish it before I move onto something else I'm more interested in.
Sorry for the wall of text.
Edited by Count_Spatula on Oct 10th 2019 at 6:55:43 AM
The MC would have let bygones be, but a) the thug's gang tries to victimize him the same way it did his dad, or b) the MC befriends some people who, it turns out, are currently being victimized the same way.
Defending somebody else is a great way to do it, yeah.
If you want to really cement that he's not doing it out of revenge for himself, you can do something like having him flat out forget the guy that beat him up personally. Sort of reverse But for Me, It Was Tuesday.
Edited by Adannor on Oct 13th 2019 at 5:24:40 PM
Well, he has a love interest, so I figured maybe the thugs threaten her or something, but then she would be a just a damsel in distress who needs saving, and I'm concerned that it may come across as cliched.
Edited by Count_Spatula on Oct 13th 2019 at 12:02:25 PM
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