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doineedaname from Eastern US Since: Nov, 2010
#251: Dec 9th 2011 at 8:23:43 PM

I posted some of this earlier but here's the entirety of the first chapter of my Madoka/Naruto crossover.

Not sure if I caught all of the spelling and grammar errors in it.

Looking at his surroundings Nagato was more confused then he’d ever felt before in his life. The last thing he remembered was making one final speech to Naruto before being sealed away by Itachi, through use of the Totsuka Blade

Now he was standing on top of a building, in a city that was nothing like anything he’d ever seen before. Buildings that were taller and appeared to be far more advanced then even those in Amegakure surrounded him.

But even more confusing then that was the fact that the city was partially flooded, highly damaged, and what sounded like explosions could be heard in the distance.

What in Kami’s name is that thing? He thought as he turned to look at the source of the explosions. There he saw a young dark haired girl fighting against a huge, upside-down, roughly humanoid mass of what appeared to be some kind of black chakra.

Deciding to get a closer look Nagato formed a series of hand seals and summoned a large chameleon, whose mouth he then hide inside of before having it become invisible. Safely hidden inside, and able to use the visual link between his Rinnegan and the pair generated on the chameleon to see everything the chameleon saw, he had it move towards the fight.

________________________________________

Desperately Homura Akemi narrowly dodged an oncoming building, and blocked a stream of dark purple light with her shield.

She had already expended her arsenal and Walpurgisnacht hadn’t even been scratched.

She really should have brought far more.

The Witch’s next blow sent her flying into a building. There was a sick, wet sound as she hit the side of the building.

Seeing shapes in the distance she squinted, trying to force her eyes to focus.

…Madoka?

And besides Madoka she could make out a tiny white shape…

Kyubey?

…no…

“NO!”

She knew what was going to happen. What always happened.

She’d seen it dozens, hundreds, of times.

She screamed all the same.

“Madoka!” She screamed, “Don’t make the contract!”

The momentary distraction of cost her dearly. A beam of energy hit her, sending her falling to the ground, where she landed and blacked out from pain.

Why couldn’t she get it right just once?

_____________________________________________

Nagato was extremely tempted to do something, but having no idea as to what was going on he restrained himself. After all for all he knew this was just part of the Sword of Totsuka’s effect, it was after all rumored to trapped whoever was cut by it into an illusion for all of eternity.

After a few minutes of traversing the city to the source of the fight he witnessed through use of the chameleon he’d summoned he found an interesting sight.

A young pink haired girl was standing next to a small vaguely animal mass of white energy, that appeared to be similar to the large black mass the young dark haired girl had been fighting. Whatever the white mass of energy was the girl could apparently see it, and was busy talking to it.

“Kyubey, make me a Puella Magi. I have to help Homura.” The pinkette said.

“Yes, I decided on my wish. I wish for the strength to defeat Walpurgisnacht” The pinkette continued.

When she had finished talking there was a pink glow in front of her, and a pink gem materialized in front of her. It gave off a bright pink glow that the others appeared not to notice, but that nearly blinded Nagato. A short second later the pinkette’s clothes had changed to a ridiculously girly dress and she had a bow held in her hands.

Then she shot a large arrow at the black mass of energy, the thing she had called Walpurgisnacht, and destroyed it in one attack. Leaving Nagato shocked. Then her dress glowed and disappeared, leaving her in the clothes she’d originally been wearing before she collapsed to the ground.

Concerned about the girl’s health, and in need of answers, Nagato had the chameleon open it’s mouth and he stepped out, becoming visible.

“What just happened?” Nagato asked as he walked over to the collapsed girl.

“Where…did…you…come from?” The pinkette groaned, sounding like she was in intense pain.

“I…” Nagato began, before noticing that the blinding glow from her pink gem had disappeared, and that the pink had been replaced by black.

Then the gem cracked, the girl screamed and a large black shape similar to Walpurgisnacht appeared.

No, not similar. Walpurgisnacht may have been large, but this Abomination absolutely dwarfed it in size, it was larger then a mountain.

Nothing Nagato had ever seen could compare to it. Not even the Kyuubi could compare to its size and power.

It had to be stopped.

But Nagato doubted he could be the one to do it.

That wouldn’t mean he wouldn’t try.

Gathering all of his considerable chakra reserves for one attack he created a dark black sphere of gravity and launched it directly at the Abomination. If he couldn’t defeat it with Chibaku Tensei, Planetary Devastation, he had no chance of winning.

Once the orb reached the Abomination it began to attract objects from every direction, tearing apart the surrounding buildings, the ground, everything around the black orb he’d created was drawn up into the sky.

Concentrating he felt relieved at the fact that the he was able to draw the Abomination into the air. He might just be able to do this, the Abomination was now completely incased within debris compressed into a large orb. However exhaustion was beginning to overcome Nagato, forcing himself to continue he continued to raise the Abomination higher into the sky, and continued to enlarge the orb containing it. If he could just send it into space maybe that would be enough to destroy it.

Then to his horror the Abomination broke out of the orb he’d thought it was contained within.

This can’t be possible. I can’t stop it. Nagato thought as the Abomination descended upon him.

__________________________________________

She was tempted to let the tears falls.

Very tempted.

To just let loose and cry, to let her despair, anger, and sadness out into the world.

But she knew that she couldn’t.

Not as long as Madoka still continued to die.

She couldn’t allow her emotions to surface. She would not give Kyubey the satisfaction.

Opening her eyes she took in the sight of her room in the hospital

Again.

Repeat

She sighed, holding her Soul Gem up to her eyes she healed her weak eyesight, discarding her glasses.

Again.

Restart.

She turned around, the list of things she needed to do coming to mind as easily as her own name: Get discharged, get her apartment, obtain weapons, get enrolled, get food in the fridge, shop for clothes, kill Kyubey, hunt witches…

And try once more.

And hide the fact that she was broken, the something inside of her had snapped long ago.

But she would continue, repeating the same month over and over and over again.

As many times as she needed to in order to save Madoka.

No matter how many times it takes.

____________________________________________

Once again Nagato found himself surveying the same city. Only this time it was undamaged, and in pristine condition.

Whatever was going on he would need to find some answers, and with any luck stop that Abomination from ever coming into existence.

Before he did anything else he needed to find out what exactly that thing he’d seen was, and why the damage to the city appeared to be fixed. Summoning his chameleon once more to avoid detection he set out to look for some much needed information. Knowing of only two people that might be able to give him the answers he wanted he went off in search of Madoka, and Homura.

With any luck one of them would provide him with the information he needed.

edited 10th Dec '11 8:06:35 PM by doineedaname

Psyga315 Since: Jan, 2001
#252: Dec 13th 2011 at 12:23:36 PM

... Okay, I'm starting to write a fanfiction based on a Madoka fan vid recently posted on the thread. Here's the first few lines...

The Scout’s eyes opened up as he found himself in a hospital.

“Man... Did I take a beatin’ or what?” He said as he got up and messaged his eyes. He got off the bed and wandered about. He then decided to look at himself in the mirror. Instead of seeing a man in a red shirt and gray pants with a hat and headphones, he saw a girl in pyjamas with long black hair. “What da heck?” He said as he felt his face. He then moved his hands down to his chest. “Oh... You have got ta be KIDDING me!” The Scout said as he two small bumps on his chest. “... Someone must really hate me.” He said, his face furling to a glare. Soon the door opened. He turned to see a nurse popping in.

“Akemi-chan, you should get ready for first day of school.” The nurse said. The Scout’s face furled even tighter.

“WHAT?” He said. He then looked at a beige sweater with a giant red bow on it. There was also a black skirt too. “... Well this is gonna suck.” He said.

... What do you think?

rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#253: Dec 13th 2011 at 12:56:58 PM

I think "What."

I also think I will need to see more of it to form any other opinion.

edited 13th Dec '11 12:57:18 PM by rikalous

Psyga315 Since: Jan, 2001
#254: Dec 13th 2011 at 6:19:29 PM

Alrighty then. Here you go.

“DON’T DATE MEN WHO ARE PICKY ABOUT HOW THEY LIKE THEIR EGGS!” screamed a teacher as she pounded her hands on the desk. The Scout waited outside the class, dressed in the school uniform.

“Come on, get on with it...” Scout thought as he heard the teacher ramble on about eggs. Soon he heard the teacher call for him... her.

“Akemi-san, please come in.” She said. The Scout entered the classroom. Silence filled the class as he stared at the students. “...Why don’t you tell them your name?” The teacher said. The Scout tried to think about how to pronounce the name. He’s heard “Akemi” quite a few times to know how to pronounce it well, but not the other part of the name.

“Well, my name is Akemi...” Silence again as he tried to think about how to pronounce the last part of the name without screwing up. “Homer. Akemi Homer. Nice to meet ya.” He said. He felt the students eyes stare at him. Soon, some of the students clapped. He sighed in relief. He then went over to his seat as a group of girls crowd him. Soon they began asking him questions like what school he’s been to before or how he managed to take care of the long hair.

“Ladies! Ladies! One at a time!” Scout said, holding his hand up. “Let’s start wiiiiiiiiith...” He tried to pick someone to ask him a question when a girl with pink hair pushed through the crowd.

“Sorry... b-but Akemi-chan needs to take her medicine during break.” The girl said. “Do you know how to get to the nurse’s office?” She asked.

“... Does it look like I need medicine?” Was the Scout’s response.

“... W-well...” the girl stammered, stepping an inch away from the Scout.

“Now den, who wants to go fir-“ Scout said before he felt a little woozy. “Da hell?” He thought as the girl went over and grabbed him by the arm.

“Come along...” She said, though her volume was quite low. The Scout got up and followed her to the infirmary.


The two walked across the hallway, with the girl in lead. She then stopped in the middle of the hall.

“Uh...” Scout said as he tilted his head.

“... Have we met before?” She asked.

“What kind of stupid question is dat? I don’t even know ya!” Scout said.

“Well... I... I think I met you in a dream... and...” the girl twiddled with her fingers.

“Cool story, bro. Now if ya excuse me, I think I have to take my medicine. Before I really get sick of yer mushy love declarations.” Scout said. The girl’s cheeks instantly flushed red as she began stammering.

“O-o-o-okay then...” She said, bringing her to the infirmary.

IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#255: Jan 3rd 2012 at 1:24:33 AM

I've had an idea for a decent title (or a less crap one, really). Is it better or worse?

Heart And Soul — Continuation

The Next Morning

Madoka yawned, rubbing the last few vestiges of sleep from her eyes. Should've gone home after that third Witch... the girl thought sleepily, hearing Hitomi, Homura and Sayaka chatting a few steps ahead. And anyway, Mami-san had to look after Xion-chan for last night, she told herself. Still, late nights like that weren't something she could keep up.

Homura, noticing how her pink-haired friend was hanging back (and feeling uncomfortable talking to two people she'd only really met half an hour ago), dropped back to fall in step with her and leaned her head over. "You okay, Madoka-san? You look a little pale..."

"I-I'm fine," she said hastily, but couldn't stop herself from stumbling. Homura moved to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, but Madoka waved her away. "No, really, 'm fine," came the unconvincing voice. "Just turned into a late night... I'll be more focused in class, Homura-chan."

Homura didn't look very convinced, and Sayaka and Hitomi turned around to look. "Madoka-chan, are you alright?", Hitomi frowned. "You're paler than usual. You coming down with something? Here, let me check for a fever—"

"No, really!", Madoka yelped and dodged Hitomi's hand. "I appreciate the attention, but I-I'm fine. Really."

"But, Madoka-chan—" Homura began worriedly.

Sayaka moved to stand beside Madoka. "Hey now, slow it down a bit." Her head turned to the pink-haired girl. "Madoka. Are you absolutely sure you're all right?"

Madoka looked uncertain, examining herself, before nodding slowly.

"Then there we go," Sayaka said with finality, clapping her on the back. "I think she's the one who knows herself best, and if she thinks she's in order, that's fine for me. But—" She looked sternly to her friend. "If you start feeling any worse than you do right now, me, Hitomi-chan an' Homura-chan are dragging you to the medical bay. Right?", and Hitomi and Homura nodded.

"O-okay," Madoka said quietly. A small smile came to her face, and she made a point of moving ahead of the group to prove her health.

Homura was taken aback at how Sayaka had a handle on her friend's triggers. Hitomi noticed the surprised look and smiled kindly to her. "A little jealous of how they connect, hmm?", she teased gently.

"N-no! I mean, it'd be nice to be so trusting of someone, but..." Homura replied hastily, but Sayaka had already heard and was grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh? Little Homura-chan is jealous of the connection between me and my future bride?", she started, sliding a pair of arms around Madoka's neck from behind and pulling her closer.

"And here we go..." Hitomi sighed, as Madoka struggled around in Sayaka's grip to blush strongly.

[down] Fixed, thanks! (And fine, I'll tone it down more and put in more Homudoka (?) if it makes me seem less like a rabid shipper.)

edited 3rd Jan '12 2:15:00 AM by IniquitusTheThird

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#256: Jan 3rd 2012 at 1:32:58 AM

The Sayo/Mado flag lives, I see.

smiled knidly to her
Vermicious.

edited 3rd Jan '12 1:33:09 AM by rikalous

IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#257: Jan 3rd 2012 at 3:37:31 AM

[up] Addendum: I liked that book.

PS: I'm sorta-kinda looking for a beta for this. Might anyone here be interested?

Heart And Soul — Continuation

Tomoe Residence

Mami rose and placed the dishes into the dishwasher. Xion had fallen into a fitful, exhausted sleep soon after awakening properly last night, but Mami had insisted on keeping a careful eye on the 'girl' despite this. Madoka had offered this morning to take over Witch-hunting until Mami could trust the newcomer, but even on the phone the blonde girl had heard the exhaustion clearly.

Meaning Xion had to come with her, since she wasn't ready to leave the girl alone in her house yet. She sighed inwardly. Maybe Xion could do something to help?

"Xion-san?" she began, and Xion jerked her head up, still hunched over in her seat. "I... have a job to do. A dangerous job, and one I cannot put off."

The black-hair frowned. "So, you want me to stay here...?"

Mami shook her head. "No. I can't trust you, as a total stranger, to not go through my things while I'm out. I'll be gone for most of the day as well, because it's not just a little errand to run." Xion looked wounded at her words, and Mami raised a consoling hand. "Please, don't be offended. I wouldn't trust Madoka-san with this either—" Well, I would, but she's a Puella Magi, and you're... not. "So, I'm afraid you have to come with me today. Can you at least fight?"

Xion nodded, standing slowly. "I have a weapon."

"Oh?" Mami's eyebrow raised. "Could you show me?"

One black-clad hand rose up to grasp the air. It flexed for a moment, and a white spike struck out, flowing into the shape of a sword. ...No, not a sword. Rather, an oversized key, gold at the hilt and blank grey for the rest, more like an iron bar with a spiked axe-head which still looked rather blunt.

"...Interesting," Mami said after a moment. "And this key, it can..."

Xion blinked at her. "Well, up until now hitting things with it has worked out pretty well."

Good grief. "That will have to do, I guess." Mami went to the balcony door and opened it to let a light breeze flow in. "Is there any way you can move faster than just running around on the ground?"

Xion looked reluctant. Using the pathways might bring the Organisation's attention here, but was there any other way...? Likely not.

She concentrated in the right way, and an oval spheroid of purple-black enveloped her. An identical shape formed on the balcony, and they both dissipated to leave Xion standing where the second had formed, in front of Mami. Two blue eyes looked out hesitantly to the speechless Puella. "Is this... good enough?"

Mami swallowed. "I... yes, Xion-san. That will do nicely."


Sakura Residence, Mitakihara City

Two shapes melded into presence among a smoked-out ruins of a church. They were male and adult in build, but long black cloaks covered their features. If not for their voice, the two might have been twins.

One crouched down to look at the burned ground more exactly. "Huh. Eight really went out with a bang, it seems."

"And how are you so sure it was Eight that caused this, and not a natural occurence?", the second cowl asked.

"The boundaries," the first man said, indicating the edges of the blaze. "Axel had far too tight a grip on his power to let them go out of control. These ones end with the borders of the church."

"Very well. But, something about this world..."

"Ya got something?"

"...This world seems more vibrant, somehow. The Heartless have passed this place over until now, but our passage to this place..."

"Has opened the floodgates?", the first cloak finished. He stood, folding his arms in contemplation. "You know, Xaldin, I just got a neat little idea. The whole reason we made Poppet is so she could kill Heartless made by real people, yeah? And if we mix a little darkness into the city..."

"Then the Heartless would flush her out, and we'd fill our quota while finding her again." Then other man fell silent for a moment, considering the options. "I advise starting out small. Simply flooding this place would likely overpower her without giving her the chance to kill enough of them to make a contribution. We'd need a permanent presence in the city, monitoring the numbers as well..."

"No problem. Besides—" If one could see through the darkness of the hood, one would have seen a savage smile grace his face. "Isn't there something just a little... nostalgic about a big ol' city with the lights flickering out one-by-one?"

He stood, and raised his palm in the direction of the place where he'd warped in. The purple oval flickered up and spun, eventually spewing forth ten little demons. Their skin was jet-black and tiny antennae wormed out above glaring yellow eyes. He waved his hand again, and they folded into the ground, crawling off in all directions.

"Might I indulge in a little maniacal laughter, Xaldin?", the man said with glee. "I do rather feel entitled."

"Enough, Xigbar," the other man said. "Go, and inform him of your plan. I will continue scouting this world."

"Hah. You're just scared the Superior won't see things my way and punish me, so you want me to take all the credit," the man laughed to stony silence from his comrade. Still with the unseeable grin on his face, they both warped out.


The Train

Kyouko felt a chill go down her neck, and she grasped her Gem beneath her clothes. Something had just walked over her grave.

"Kyouko? Is everything all right?", Kairi frowned, turning to her.

The Puella looked straight ahead for a moment. "Like you'd care."

"Yes, I would," Kairi replied calmly, sitting down next to her and looking away from the stars.

"Oh yeah?", Kyouko snorted. "And why would you?"

"...I don't hate you. I don't want to see you hurt."

The red-haired girl stared at the seats briefly, clicking her fingers nervously. "That's a first, then."

Kairi moved back in shock, surprised to hear someone talk so harshly about themselves. "That's a lie! No matter what, your parents—"

Kyouko burst out laughing, falling off the edge of her seat and rolling around on the ground. Kairi looked on in puzzlement, waiting until the girl's fits had abated to do anything more than make 'Huh?' sounds. "Sorry, did I say anything wrong...?"

When the Puella rose back up, she grinned savagely at Kairi. "Oh, girl, you have no fucking idea," she said, her expression going from mirthful to pitch-black in the space of a curse. "Last time I checked, my dad hated me as much as is technically possible for a human being to do so."

"Oh my—" Kairi's hand went over her mouth. "I-I'm sorry, Kyouko, I didn't—"

"Save it," Kyouko growled at her and went to the far end of the carriage.

Silence reigned again, and Kairi looked guiltily out at the stars again, watching them soar past.

"Thanks, though," Kyouko said shortly. "I needed a laugh."

"You're welcome," the Princess of Heart muttered in return, nervous of saying something worse. "...Do you maybe want to talk—"

"No. I don't."

The train jerked to a halt, sending a swearing Kyouko tumbling again and almost knocking Kairi down as well this time. As the Puella picked herself up once more, the door slid open, letting Kairi poke her head out.

What the young girl saw was a small, wooded path on a chunk of dirt which hung unsupported in the vastness of space. She breathed in and put her foot down on the dirt, feeling no difference between here and Destiny Islands. There was magic afoot here, so thick one could almost taste it in the air.

The source of all this was the vast stone tower at the end of the short path. Made from light brown bricks and with a large wooden door at the front, small windows near the top of the structure flashed irregularly with coloured light. This was most definitely the lair of a powerful magician, and Kairi was about to go to the door when she remembered Kyouko. No matter how rough and arrogant the girl was, it wasn't in Kairi's nature to leave her alone in an unfamiliar place. (Not that having a possible ally at your side with a sharper tongue than a sword wouldn't be nice to have around in a place like this, her selfish head interjected.)

"Kyouko, are you co—" She was cut short by Kyouko pushing past her and almost knocking her to ground, running forwards to the base of the nearest tree. Moving back up by the door, she raised her hand in a quizzical manner while the girl intensely examined the ground around the tree as though searching for something. "Damn thing, I know you were there a second ago! Is this funny to you? Oh, I'm going to beat some sense into you for messing with my head when I get my hands on you..."

Deciding to leave the girl for a few seconds, Kairi moved along the path to see something she hadn't at first glance: a strange being in armour, carefully examining the door and apparently trying to see through the keyhole.

"Ah, excuse me. Would you happen to know... anything about this place?", she called out.

The strange creature chuckled deeply to himself, before turning around. His face was almost catlike, with exaggerated features reminding her of Sora's friends from Hollow Bastion. "Huh? Oh, beggin' your pardon, ma'am. This here be the great tower of a powerful wizard, or so the sayin' goes. I'm on a bit of a quest to get in touch with him, actually," he said cheerfully, turning back to the door. "I sent my Heartless goons in there to turn him into a Heartless as well. With a big-name wizard like that being my bodyguard, who could even challenge me?"

Kairi nodded along cautiously, before her brain rewound the conversation and icy shock speared through it. "Um... excuse me, but did you just say... 'Heartless'?"

"Yep!", answered the strange thing cheerily. "They're those things made outta' the darkness in folks' hearts. I've got a debt to a real nice lady called Maleficient, who saved me, and I'm goin' around the worlds and makin' her an army of Heartless in thanks! Say," he went on thoughtfully, turning back to Kairi. "Haven't I seen you somewhere before...?"

"Ah, no," Kairi said back, slowly stepping away. "You, uh, must have me confused with someone else."

"Hmm... Well... That's it!", the being said abruptly, snapping his fingers for effect. "You're one of them 'Princesses of Heart' Maleficient wanted to collect, right? Well," he chortled, rubbing his hands. "I reckon you'd be a nice prize to hand over to her. But, uh, one thing first..."

"Y-yes?", Kairi breathed nervously, still moving back slowly.

The thing leaned closer, putting one hand up to his face in a conspiratorial manner and pointing at Kyouko, who had regressed to kicking at the dirt and swearing vengeance on something. "D'you know who that is? Like, some sorta knight sent out to guard you?"

"...Uh, not that I know. I only just met her a short while ago."

"Oh. Ah well," the thing shrugged. Something came to mind or him, and he knocked himself on the forehead. "D'oh! Almost forgot to introduce myself to a lady. How d'you do, princess?", he asked kindly, bowing to her respectfully. "The name's Pete. Never needed a last name, really."

"Nice to meet you, Pete. I'm..." Oh, what's the use? "Kairi. And that over there is Kyouko."

"Well, ain't that a thing," Pete murmured to himself. "Huh? Oh, sorry, princess," he laughed sheepishly, when Kairi looked at him in puzzlement. "Most folks don't act very polite, faced with me. Now, just don't try to struggle and I'll bring you to Maleficient toot sweet." Pete took a deep breath in. "HEARTLESS SQUAD! Round up!"

From the ground flowed up no less than seven little Heartless. Their shapes, their little whisking cries triggered memories inside Kairi.

A pair of arms encircled the little darkness, and sparks of light flew about the two of them until the thing was no longer a thing anymore, but a boy.

"Thanks, Kairi," he said back gently and hugged her tightly in gratitude. "You saved my life."

She smiled back kindly. "It's the least I could do, Sora."

Kairi remembered seeing things like this before, little things called 'Shadows' for the way they could become the ground and bypass virtually any barrier. They formed a circle around Kairi and crept gradually inwards, and out of the corner of her ear she heard Kyouko surprised shout at being equally surrounded.

Kairi wasn't quite sure what happened next until a bit later; there was a brief, intense burst of red light, and suddenly a segmented spear was spinning out around her, piercing all of the Heartless bar one who'd managed to duck down fast enough. Next to her was Kyouko, who, with a snap of her wrist, brought all of the parts back into a straight spear again which was now held in her grip.

The last of the Shadows sprung up just before her and leaped enterprisingly forwards, only to meet a steel lancehead to the face and to splatter away into little dark bits. The red-hair shot a glance to a gaping Kairi. "You still in one piece?"

"Yes, thank you," Kairi managed, still in surprise. She'd moved even faster than Sora had, way back when...

"Good," Kyouko replied abruptly, and she stalked forwards at Pete. "Get lost, fatty. You're too lucid to be a Familiar and too slow to be a threat. I won't even remember your name afterwards if you're not here in the next ten seconds, how about that?"

Pete scowled at her. "Well, those were only low-level Heartless. Like, little pipsqueaks compared to me, the mighty Pete!" He rammed one fist into the other, making a thumping sound and smiling dangerously. "So then, little girl, if you let me hijack the princess, I promise I won't hit you— OOF!"

Kyouko had taken advantage of his dialogue break to run forth to deliver a stinging kick into his generous stomach, making him double over. Her spear spun around once and she rammed it full-tilt into his face as it went down, knocking him up and over and off the steps.

"Owowowow!", Pete complained, holding a hand up to where the spear had hit him in the face as Kairi belatedly moved up near Kyouko. (On the basis that Pete couldn't grab her and be off quite as easily). "That hurt, you, you..."

"...Have I missed something here, or are we actually fighting?", Kyouko asked. "'Cause it sure sounded to me like we were. The offer's still there, you know."

Pete held his face, screwing up his face in rage. That girl had moved faster than he could reasonably keep up with, and without looking like she was straining herself. Facing her on open ground would just be one big waste of time and bandages. But, if the Heartless could get the jump on her inside the tower, then he could get back to dealing with the wizard... "W-well then, I s-see you're not a bad fighter! I, uh, just have to deal with something first..." And Pete was off, sprinting into a portal with more than a little faked quaver to his tone. I'll get you next time... uh... what was her name again?

Kyouko lowered her spear as the large henchman ran, a little stunned. "Well. Doesn't look like he's the 'die-for-his-master' type. Ah well," she shrugged, changing back and rapidly returning her Gem to its hiding place. She turned to Kairi, standing right in front of the door. "So, any idea what that was all about?"

"I..." Kairi bit her lip. "...There are these things in the world— all worlds, actually, called Heartless. They're made, as far as I understand, when a person has their heart devoured by darkness, and certain people can control them and use them a lackeys for some plan."

"Alien evil cannon fodder. Got it," Kyouko returned dismissively, going to the door and looking up at it. Something weighed on her mind, however, and she shot another glance to Kairi. "...As in, 'darkness' like the essence of dark?", she asked, aware of the redundancy.

"As I understand it, it means both 'turn evil and self-destructive' as well as being eaten by a real Heartless," Kairi said, joining Kyouko. "...Thank you, Kyouko."

"Mmm?"

"You saved my life," Kairi said gently.

"Huh? Oh, that? Well, I was gonna have to destroy those things by you sooner or later, so getting it over with sooner seemed like a plan," Kyouko said dismissively.

"Still, thank you."

"Yeah, yeah." Of course I'd end up stuck somewhere I have no idea about with a paid-up member of the chirpyness club. As if I hadn't had enough of that to deal with.

The two girls stood there, looking at the door for a moment.

"Ah, Kyouko?", Kairi began, waiting for the girl to look at her before going on. "If I may ask, what was that transformation all about just now? You looked different, and all of a sudden you pulled a spear from nowhere..."

Kyouko went over how much she wanted Kairi to know. "...It's a long story. Involves a little animal called Kyubey and a stupid girl's wish for things to change. I'm used to fighting freaky things, just..."

"Not things like the Heartless. I see."

"Not specifically, no," Kyouko amended. "There were a couple of things which looked a lot like them, though."

The Princess of Heart fidgeted about as Kyouko knocked about on the door, examining it more closely and futilely turning the doorknob. "Say, Kyouko—"

The very moment she began speaking, the door slowly creaked backwards to leave enough space for someone to slip inside. "Hold that thought. Let's get inside first, then have the big life-changing chat, okay?", Kyouko said, before going inside.

So. Does that seem a sensible step to take on the Organisation's behalf? Their, or at least Xaldin's and Xigbar's logic here is 'If we haven't detected a Princess of Heart, a large concentration of Nobodies/Heartless or another large world-changing event here, it's of no other use to us'. (It may seem dickish, but the important thing to remember is that they are villains who have done some pretty nasty things in canon to further their goals. The attack on Hollow Bastion comes to mind.)

Edit: Added some more, and hopefully didn't make Pete seem like a useless bumbling 'tard. No matter how dense he is, he still commands the Heartless, was chosen to be Maleficient's second-in-command and faces down a whole ton of Heartless near the end of the game. He's actually kinda awesome, considering he has no fancy knight/wizard training, speshul weapon or unique stuff yet still manages to be a threat (only up to a point, admittedly).

Note: the very first person to say anything regarding trains, specifically, liking them, is going to get a pun to the trachea.

edited 3rd Jan '12 6:43:17 PM by IniquitusTheThird

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#258: Jan 3rd 2012 at 2:36:57 PM

Warning: A wall of Grammar Nazi antics follows.

"Xion-san?", she began
For stuff like that, you aren't supposed to put a comma after the quotes. It would just be
"Xion-san?" she began

a small, woody path
Is that a path made of wood, a path through the woods, or what?

Oh, I'm going to beat some sense into messing with my head when I get my hands on you...
Methinks there are some missing words here.

and bypass most any barriers
"Most any" is informal enough that you probably want to avoid it in narration unless you're going for a Lemony Narrator effect.

a brief intense burst of red light
There should be a comma between "brief" and "intense," since it could also be "an intense, brief burst." If it were something like "the endangered white rhino," where the white rhino is a specific rhino species, it wouldn't make sense to have "the white, endangered rhino," so there wouldn't be a comma.

"..There are these things in the world
The ellipsis is unfinished. I think that's the most nitpicky correction I've ever made.

There are no more Grammar Nazi antics from here on.

I agree with you about the characterization of the Orgy and Pete. I think that Kyouko's What Is This Thing You Call Niceness attitude is overblown, though. She's worked with Mami, so she's familiar with people being nice despite being Puella Magi. I think her attitude is more that she's aware nice people exist, but that she thinks they're idiots.

I'll beta for you, since apparently I'm going to act like one anyway. tongue

IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#259: Jan 3rd 2012 at 4:11:54 PM

[up] Fixed it up, thanks!

For stuff like that, you aren't supposed to put a comma after the quotes.

Huh. I always thought that you needed a comma unless you had a capital letter following the quote marks because of the sentence structure. (I remember talking about this with someone else, though, and they told me it was a Continental habit, so I guess you're right.)

Is that a path made of wood, a path through the woods, or what?

Erg. It was supposed to mean 'a short dirt path with trees to either side'. Would 'wooded' work better here?

Methinks there are some missing words here.

Ah, thanks. I think my head skipped a couple of things last night and I didn't look carefully enough. >.<

"Most any" is informal enough that you probably want to avoid it in narration unless you're going for a Lemony Narrator effect.

That's my bad narrator-character habit coming to the fore again. Fixed. |D

There should be a comma between "brief" and "intense, " since it could also be "an intense, brief burst." If it were something like "the endangered white rhino, " where the white rhino is a specific rhino species, it wouldn't make sense to have "the white, endangered rhino, " so there wouldn't be a comma.

Commas, how do they work? /spellfail

The ellipsis is unfinished.

...I am legitimately surprised I made an error as stupid as that. Fixed, and I promise to not do that any more.


I think that Kyouko's What Is This Thing You Call Niceness attitude is overblown, though. She's worked with Mami, so she's familiar with people being nice despite being Puella Magi. I think her attitude is more that she's aware nice people exist, but that she thinks they're idiots.

Oh, really? Does that happen in one of the two spinoff series? (Oriko and Kazumi, I believe they're called?)

In any case, Kyouko is still very suspicious of everything and anything, due to Axel sending her through two separate worlds within a very short space of time. She trusts Kairi to not be a threat, but no more than that. ...Now that I think about it, though, that last bit seems rather unnecessary and off-the-point. Time to apply my newest Sequence:

  • 1: Is there any reason why this might be important for my readers to know about? Apart from building the friendship between Kyouko and kairi, not really, and I'll have plenty of opportunities for that later on.
  • 2: Is there an easy way to change that part to make it important for my readers to have, to perhaps transmit some information so a later infodump doesn't feel quite as massive? Not truthfully. A mental note from Kairi about not asking what her transformation was all about until they're closer would do the trick just fine. Then again, it makes Kyouko look even more distant and dismissive...

Well. That was useless. :( I may just replace everything past Kairi's protest with Kyouko's quick-notes version of being a Puella Magi, for consistency. And who's to say Yen Sid isn't listening in already?

Dear beta (I've always wanted to use that), might I ask your opinion? I'll get to making Mami's and Xion's escapades in the Real World, meanwhile.

edited 3rd Jan '12 4:14:03 PM by IniquitusTheThird

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
doineedaname from Eastern US Since: Nov, 2010
#260: Jan 3rd 2012 at 4:25:00 PM

[up] It's talked about in detail in the third drama CD.

Here's a link to a summary of it on the Madoka Wiki.

edited 3rd Jan '12 4:27:12 PM by doineedaname

rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#261: Jan 3rd 2012 at 4:37:35 PM

I may be inflicting heathen Eagle Land quotation format on you. I apologize if I am. "Wooded" would work better, yeah. My mad comma skills come from Eats Shoots And Leaves, which I am gratified to know we have a trope page for.

Something else I noticed:

like, little pipsqueaks compared to me, the might-y Pete!
I'm not sure if it's a Funetik Aksent choice or not, but there's no grammatical reason to have that comma after "like," and "mighty" doesn't need a hyphen in it.

I'm not going to make a call about whether you should trim the section or not, since I assume you get how well it fits in the grand arc of things better than I do. My objection is that Kyouko's reactions don't seem to fit her character. In canon, when she met Sayaka, she didn't react with surprise or mistrust to her idealism. She recognized that Sayaka was sincere, she just thought that idealism was an unhealthy lifestyle. I'd expect her reaction to Kairi to be less "Does not compute," and more "Oh, she's one of those sweetness-and-light types. Maybe I should mentor her in the fine arts of cynicism and self interest."

IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#262: Jan 3rd 2012 at 5:24:03 PM

[up][up] Ah, thanks. I'll change that bit in the final draft and tone things down a tad.

[up] Eh, it's better this way, since most of the people I chat with online are more used to the American format. A majority's a majority, after all.

I put Pete's dialogue like that because I thought he spoke like that in the game. (Phonetically, he goes 'mai-tee' and draws the second syllable out. Also, the 'like' is used comparatively. Maybe the en-dash there didn't fit, on second thought...)

Hmm. Okay, I'll fiddle with the dialogue and actions a bit more when I come back and post the next bit. Thanks for the help!

Edit: Done with that, and put in a bit about Kairi being reminded of the events of 1, since I forget to put that in before. (Also fixed a minor error from an earlier part about Kyouko already being in Puella Magi form when she washes up on the beach, then transforms without changing back.) I only messed with the ending, since that was the only bit where I was going off on that tangent. Does it look better now?

Rambling: I reckon I put in too many ellipses. Any word on that from somewhere?

edited 3rd Jan '12 6:49:50 PM by IniquitusTheThird

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#263: Jan 3rd 2012 at 11:41:49 PM

A stupid little snippet, to recharge myself while I wrestle with my plot.

Reincarnation

Homura probably should have guessed something was wrong when she ran into Mami with a curiously dark look on her face.

"I am a being of solitude..." Mami intoned, terrible and nightmarish power oozing from every word. "Are you my enemy...?"

"Master Xehanort..." Sayaka muttered to herself in the corner, rocking back and forth in the fetal position. "What darkness swallowed you? I should have been better, strong enough to save Terra and Ven..."

"PRINNIES!", yelled Kyouko, cupping her hands to her mouth to make her voice go further. "Where the hell have those useless bastards gone now? I need my pudding!"

"Y'know, goldfish aren't really gold..." Madoka mumbled oddly, sitting at a table and clutching a glass with a likely-alcoholic drink inside. "An' another thing, traffic lights—" She went seamlessly from 'complaining about stupid phrasing' to 'face down on the table' with very little warning.

Homura was about to cut her losses and rewind time again, before her eye fell on Kyubey (who was smoking a cigarette, oddly enough). "Ah, nesan!", he greeted her cheerfully. "You ready to move on to the full contract?"

"...'Full contract'?", Homura repeatedly cautiously.

"Yeah, it's real easy!", Kyubey said, hopping onto the table and looking right at her. "Just kiss the person you want to contract with while in a circle drawn by me, and boom! Instant power boost!"

Dear diary. ...Jackpot.

A point to anyone who can identify the crossover characters!

Xion-Mami bit here, featuring minor revelations and utter pointlessness. Also doubleposting, but it's my own fault for being an edit-lover.

Heart And Soul — Continuation

Xion followed Mami down a dank alley, the world seeming to make the little specks of light from the sun flicker out. "Ah... Mami-san, are you sure that we're going the right way? I-I mean," she hastily added. "I'm sure you're right, just... I'd like to know how you know."

The blonde turned her head back and smiled thinly. "Can I answer with a question?" When Xion nodded, she went on. "What do you think of yourself right now? Truthfully?"

Xion was struck aback at the question, and she fell behind as she tried to figure out an answer.

I... well, back when I fought Heartless, I had a purpose, at least... But when I ran away, I became nothing more than a freeloader. She choked on a gulp, breathing turning shallower and shallower. I'm nothing more than a waste of space. I-it would be easier and simpler for everyone who's shown me kindness if I would just...

Mami's hand on her shoulder broke the girl from her reverie, and she felt ashamed to have the handful of tears in her eyes.

"That's all the proof I need."

Xion gasped for air, a black mood lifting off her. "Wh-what was that?"

"That is the aura of a Witch," Mami answered quietly. "It feeds off the souls of suicide victims, and being near the lair of a Witch makes you feel worse and worse about yourself. That's how it gets its food."

The Replica nodded slowly, though she still seemed shocked. "Th-that's horrible."

"That's why we fight," Mami corrected. She held out a hand to Xion. "Are you ready to help me put an end to this?", she asked, and Xion nodded fiercely in answer.


Inside the lair, the two looked around. It was the same large circular arena that was typical of most hiding places of Witches, but decorated with little cakes.

Mami grabbed Xion by the bunched-up hood on her cloak and pulled her down behind a fallen cane-like log. "Up there," she muttered, indicating a too-tall chair on which sat a little thing. It could have been a puppet, one of those oddly-human animatronic ones which came with accessories, but for the wild rainbow colours it was marked in. An equally-high table precariously balanced a little teacup in front of the thing.

"That little thing?", Xion asked nervously, more used to her targets looking, well, evil.

"Exactly. I'll try to wing it from here," Mami replied quietly. "Can you kill it when it falls?", and when Xion swallowed and tightened the grip she had on her Keyblade, Mami smiled briefly to her before breaking cover.

She swung her cap off and flourished it, eight olden-style rifles falling onto the ground from within it. She kicked out the end of one of them to make it spin up and grasped it, bringing it up to shoulder height and firing it before moving on to the next. The first bullet spun and sparked off the edge of the chair, sending the Witch slipping off. The second and third caught the Witch and spun her, dancing with the force. Four through six were misses (if narrowly so) and seven only a glancing shot across the brightly-coloured bow, but eight was a classic headshot, Mami allowing herself a little smile as the Witch was vaulted through the air, spinning like a top with a handful of smoking bullet holes.

The blonde Puella Magi cast a sideways glance to Xion, who was still gaping at her precision over such a long range. Perhaps next time she'll do something, she thought and clasped her hands before herself. A massive cannon sprung out from the yellow magic that formed around her hands, so massive that two support stands had to spring out into the ground to keep it from falling over. "Tiro..."

Hidden inside the metal base, her hands found the grip and her finger pulled the trigger. "Finale!"

The cannon barked, a low roar it made causing a little tremor to run through the ground, and the pinwheeling Witch was caught full-force with the blast. It expanded, like a balloon and blasted a pitiful little cloud of steam from the tip of it's head before resuming its tumble down into the hard ground.

Mami heard the thud of the impact and smiled back to Xion, believing her job done. "Well, Xion-san. You should have gone when I first fired, but it is your first day on the job, so..."

Her smile and cheer faded with incredible speed when as Xion's expression changed to one of horror. There was a whooshing noise, as that of a great thing passing and—

"Mami-san!"

Oh please no, Mami had time to think before the vast mouth gaped, a snake coloured as brightly as the Witch — No, it was the Witch all along! — bringing spiked teeth down on her.

The black oval formed before her, Xion springing into the way to knock her aside. Just as she fell, she saw the giant thing completely envelop Xion in a cavern of fangs and—

Chomp.

PS: Charlotte returns!

edited 3rd Jan '12 11:56:30 PM by IniquitusTheThird

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#264: Jan 4th 2012 at 12:22:09 AM

I can find nothing to quibble about. Unless Xion isn't actually going to pull an Agent K, in which case shame on you.

You haven't passed my personal Ellipses Annoyance Threshold, but you probably want a second opinion.

edited 4th Jan '12 12:23:05 AM by rikalous

IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#265: Jan 4th 2012 at 12:34:34 AM

Good to know. Uh, if anyone out there has an issue with my rape of the ellipse, please speak up and I'll fix the worst parts.

...You're partly right about the Agent K. Literally, partly.

Anyway, this is where Chapter One ends for now, unless I decide to throw in some fluff or expand an earlier scene. For now, though, nothing really comes to mind, so that's a wrap! Rest of the fight, Kairi and Kyouko meeting with Yen Sid and the second meeting of the Organisation coming possibly later tonight. Beyond that, only more if I have another bout of insomnia.

edited 4th Jan '12 12:35:45 AM by IniquitusTheThird

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#266: Jan 4th 2012 at 3:57:54 AM

Heart And Soul: Chapter 2

To be absolutely correct, not all of Xion was within the mouth of fangs. One arm, outstretched and pushing Mami out of the way, went up to the elbow out of the rows of teeth, and they crunched down mercilessly. The cloaked limb went limp almost instantly, an odd white smoke beginning to ooze out of the place where the teeth met. They grated, and then there was a triumphant screech from the Witch as it squirreled upwards, enjoying its new meal.

Mami, heart still in her mouth from almost being eaten, only slowly picked up her hand to draw a rifle from the air. Her arms shook and the barrel waved wildly across the area, no hope of hitting anything useful.

The Witch wriggled once and crucnhed down, Xion's arm dropping out of the row and falling down to slam into the ground next to Mami. All the Puella could do was stare blankly at the appendage, which began flaking apart and had vanished into little wispy bits of darkness in moments. Triumphantly, Charlotte reared back, something like a grin on her face.

Then, out of nowhere, a silver-metal edge speared through the roof of the Witch's mouth and sent a spray of technicolour blood up. The scream that erupted nearly burst Mami's eardrums with its shrillness and volume, and she dropped the rifle to clamp her palms over her ears. It gaped and shook itself all about, and a black-clad shape went hurtling out of the mouth to slam into the wall to a little cry of agony. It would have been louder, had the girl any more air to use.

Xion tumbled forward in a way that seemed almost sedate to Mami's horrified gaze, and both human and Witch watched as the thing dropped lower, air snatching at her hood and pulling it down as she turned in the air.

A blank feeling entered the air, and Xion was engulfed by a portal to appear on the table where the teacup had once stood. Below her right arm hung nothing but strands and black-white 'blood' droplets.

At least, until the Replica turned its cowl at the half-stump and the world felt wrong. Everything shone a little bit brighter and the dark edges became a little less cruel, so long as you looked away from the inhuman monstrosity which was reshaping its arm.

Xion finished, and her new old arm looked far too normal to be threaded together out of darkness and nothingness. Her sleeve still cut off at the elbow, and she grasped the air to make it become her Keyblade again.

The Witch sidled sideways for a few moments, then darted forward at the same kind of speed it had shown when pouncing first. A bullet ricocheted off the roof, Mami too slow to track the thing, and yet Xion only stood there with her weapon held forward, as if bracing herself—

At the last second, she spun her weapon and brought it down in a slashing motion, sheer momentum turning the pipe-like Keyblade into a sharp edge. Certainly, sharp enough to cut into Charlotte's head all the way past the bright bunny-ears and a bit of the way into her gullet, and the black girl was drenched in rainbow blood as the Witch sagged and yielded.

The vista of the lair turned back into the scrap-metal storehouse gradually enough for the hooded girl to hop down and land nimbly before a still-shocked Mami.

"X-Xion?", Mami asked worriedly, taking a step forward—

The slightest breeze spun through the half-open door, nothing greater than a zephyr, but enough to pick up Xion's hood and cast it back. Briefly, Mami saw a glimpse of what Madoka had seen that first night — a perfectly-smooth head where there should have been eyes, a mouth or a nose — then her features reasserted themselves, and Xion collapsed where she stood.

Mami wasn't sure what to make of the 'girl' lying crumpled on the floor, but when she made a little whimpering sound, she knew that leaving her here was too far a step for her. Swallowing her fear, she knelt by Xion.

"Hey," she began, placing a hand on her back and patting in lieu of saying something. "That was... you did great," Mami said in a quavering voice.

Xion swallowed thickly, shifting her head to meet Mami's gaze. "R-really?", she whispered. "I-I wasn't a b-burden...?"

The Puella Magi shook her head. "No. No, you weren't," she repeated, tone getting stronger now that the worst was over. "You did... better than I'd hoped."

Xion sighed in relief, then winced as she touched the cold ground with her bare arm. Unused to feeling that, so protected by her cloak, she shivered. This was the world?

"I think we'd better head back and take a break until tomorrow," Mami said lowly, shifting her hand from the girl's back to offer Xion a hand up. "It's been a bit tough, and you look like you need some time to recover."

The other girl nodded weakly and tried to stand, but almost immediately collapsed into Mami's arms. One way or the other, standing up wasn't something she'd be capable of right now. Mami shrugged mentally, and swept one arm under her legs to carry her like a baby, surprised at how little she weighed. It felt more like she was carrying a little animal, or perhaps a child.

"Hold on to me and don't look down too much, okay?", she whispered in her ear, and when she felt two weak arms encircle her neck, she jumped lightly to cross the rooftops in the direction of her home.

Bleh. Need a break. Do the rest tomorrow. Sorry 'bout the doublepost.

Nervous mutterings: is this actually any good? Like, are there any massive things I'm missing out on or stupid errors in characterisation or glaring writing faults? I feel like there's something niggling at me in that respect.

edited 4th Jan '12 5:57:17 PM by IniquitusTheThird

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
mega-dark Moe Game Console from Planeptune Since: Feb, 2010 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Moe Game Console
#267: Jan 4th 2012 at 1:50:58 PM
Thumped: Please see The Rules . This is a warning that this post is the sort of thing that will get you suspended.
Hyped for Hyperdimension Neptunia V 2
rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#268: Jan 4th 2012 at 2:45:39 PM

[up][up]I see nothing glaring. There's a couple things that are probably typos

The cloaked limb went limb
"I think we'd better head back and take a break until tomorrow, " Mami said lowly
but on the whole it looks good.

[up]Don't know Call of Duty; can't comment.

IniquitusTheThird Laugh into the rain. from Wossname. Since: Dec, 2010
Laugh into the rain.
#269: Jan 4th 2012 at 3:06:41 PM

[up][up] Sorry, ditto.

[up] The first one was a typo, the second one not so much. (Like, talking under your breath?)

Storm and trouble won't make you make you lose your way. (Tits might, though.)
rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#270: Jan 4th 2012 at 3:27:24 PM

Ah, I thought you meant "slowly." Huh, apparently lowly can actually be used that way. Didn't realize it was an adverb. Belay that "correction," then.

FringeBenefits Magical Girl Authority™ from in your basement (Veteran) Relationship Status: Above such petty unnecessities
Magical Girl Authority™
#271: Jan 23rd 2012 at 1:05:44 PM

Hey guys. Hope you won't think this is spamming or anything, but I'd like to shamelessly plug my Madoka/Lucky Star crossover, Stars Above. I just uploaded a new chapter this morning that I'm extremely proud of, and I'd love it if the people on this thread would take a look and say what they think.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7371211/

You can post replies here or in the SA discussion thread, either one is fine.

I'm also happy to do critiques and proofreading... if anyone is interested, please PM me. Thanks a lot!

rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#272: Jan 23rd 2012 at 1:16:39 PM

Never read Lucky Star, or I'd check it out.

Psyga315 Since: Jan, 2001
#273: Mar 7th 2012 at 10:44:48 AM

Hey guys, remember that crossover with Team Fortress 2 that I posted snippets of?

It's now up.

And now I apologize for that Thread Necromancy.

edited 7th Mar '12 11:03:46 AM by Psyga315

rikalous World's Cutest Direwolf from Upscale Mordor (Before Recorded History) Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
World's Cutest Direwolf
#274: Mar 7th 2012 at 4:14:01 PM

'Tain't Thread Necromancy if you're contributing quality content.

I am amused by the fact that Scout's first reaction to a talking cat thing is to try and make it into a hat.


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